TITLE : SOLITUDE
PART : 1
AUTHOR : Catherine
EMAIL : catzen20@aol.com
RATING : FRT
PAIRING : B/G-W/O-X/A and a hint of G/O
DISCLAIMER : The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.

CATEGORY : Angst for now. Worry not…Happy Ending, Yes. Remember, it's me…

SUMMARY : Giles is 'busy'; Willow and Oz are always together, as are Xander and Anya. Buffy is alone…
TIMELINE : S4

DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first (I'll probably say 'yes')
FEEDBACK : Please.

Thanks to my great beta, Phendog

*…* Thought

When Buffy came back to her dorm room, which she shared with Willow, she was still in shock. She couldn't believe it. She was full of sadness. Willow was here, but for now, Buffy didn't want to talk about that; so, when Willow asked her if everything had worked how she had planned, she said yes. At her response, Willow was very glad for her friends.

With that, they went to their morning class.

During her class, Buffy tried to focus on what the professor said, even if the sound of Giles' words was echoing in her mind. *I need to do it by myself.*

Buffy thought to talk with Willow during their lunch. But when she saw Willow, she was walking away, and Buffy asked, "Willow, we…you don't want to eat lunch with me?"

"Sorry, Buff. But Oz and I have some…projects." When she finished, Willow was redder than a crayfish.

"Projects?" Buffy asked incredulously, but when she saw Willow's face, she added quickly, "Ah, yes. Okay. Have a good lunch or whatever. See you later."

Willow looked at her; she didn't think there would be any reason why Buffy would have lunch with her. After all, she was certain that she and Giles would have planned some private lunch like her and Oz.

She was very pleased about Giles and Buffy. Buffy had informed her-- well, to tell the truth--Willow had insisted and hadn't let her go out before she had told her the real reason for going to Giles'. And with her resolve face, Buffy hadn't had any other choice than to tell her about her 'plan'. She had decided to tell Giles about her feelings towards him.

That had delighted Willow; she knew about Buffy and Giles' feelings for each other. And now that Buffy and Giles had talked, everything would be okay. Just as Buffy had told her earlier.

She didn't suspect a thing…

***********************

Buffy lunched alone. She thought about calling Xander. She took her cell phone, and waited, until Anya answered.

"Hi, Anya."

"Buffy."

"Xander's here?"

"Yes, but we're going to take a ba-" She couldn't finish her sentence, Xander quickly took the receiver from his girlfriend, then said her, putting one of his hands on the receiver, "Honey, I already told you to not say things like that."

"Why?!?" Anya shrugged, "I just said that we're going to have a bath, not that we're going to have sex in it."

"I know, An-" But stopped when he heard a soft giggling at the opposite line. He looked at his hand and noticed that he hadn't had his hand on the speaker but on the listening end.

"What?!?" he said, in horror, "Oh, Buff, you…you heard?"

"Yep."

"Ahh." Then, trying to regain some dignity, he added, "So, what's up in the buffyland?"

There was a blank, "Buffy? Something's wrong?"

Buffy hesitated to tell to Xander--after all it was nothing in fact, just a feeling of missing of…everything; all was so different and new. She thought that it wouldn't be a very good idea to speak about that to him, he seemed very happy now. That was strange, bizarre, but Xander was happy with Anya.

"Nothing important, Xander, really. Just wanted to…well, I thought that maybe some evening, we could do something."

"Yes, Buff, of course," then he added without assurance, "but tonight it's not really…hum, possible."

"Yes, I think that I understood that point." She teased him; "No worries, Xander." But Xander didn't totally believe her and suspected that something was bothering her.

"A problem, Buffy? You seem a little strange. You can talk to me if you want, you know that, right? If something is bothering you, a demon or some other thing, I'm-"

"Yes, I know, Xand. Thanks. And, no, no demony thing, everything is… perfect." She laughed softly.

Xander wasn't convinced, "Look Buffy, you're right. We need to do something one day. What about tomorrow?"

"Hey, no. Tomorrow, we have planned to-"

"Anya, please." He whispered firmly.

"But-" Anya pouted.

"Sounds great, Xander. But," Buffy said, "I don't think I could. Another time, okay?"

"Sure Buff. Are you sure? We could-"

"Yes," she cut him off, "I'm sure. See you later. Bye."

"Okay. But Buff, if you want to talk, I'm here." Xander didn't know why, but he had the feeling that Buffy had hidden something from him.

"I know, bye."

"Bye, Buffy."

With that Buffy hung up.

*So Giles…* Buffy sighed, *Willow and Oz; and Xander with Anya. If my counts are exact, that leaves only me.*

*Okay, seeing things like that I have two choices. First, to abandon hope and be depressed.* She thought seriously. *Second, don't let myself be demoralized and get things in hand. As Giles said, do things by myself. Yes, that's the better choice.* She nodded fiercely.

And there was College. Buffy thought she could try to study…without Giles and his help, that could be not the same; but she could show him--no, prove to him that she could be good. Not to prove him that she didn't need him, because she needed him in some way; but that she was capable to do by herself things without others' help.

************************************************

Days had passed since her meeting with Giles that morning. Buffy had followed her decision, and did things by herself. She was, once again, studying at the library. That place represented to Buffy a connection with Giles. She felt safe there.

She was studying on her psychology essay. Willow had begun it, to tell the truth, and had almost finished it in fact. Buffy was late with it because of the vampire Sunday. She dusted her without real difficulties, but Sunday had wanted to play hide-and-seek before, and she hadn't been alone. Before Buffy dusted her, she had met Sunday's court. But now, Sunday was a memory, and she could concentrate on her essay, and do her research.

Professor Walsh seemed to be an interesting teacher and expected good work.

As she was doing each night now, after patrol, Buffy went to the library to study. Willow didn't suspect anything. In fact, she and Buffy didn't see each other a lot recently. Willow had always some projects with Oz, if not…well, she was with Oz.

Buffy missed her, Willow was her best friend, and she missed their time together, their discussion and laughs.

Unfortunately, after their graduation, with the summer and the college, they were now apart. They saw each other only while they had classes together, and sometimes in the morning before.

Two weeks had passed. Buffy had finally found her cruising speed between slayage and college.

One day, a guy, Parker Abrams, asked her if she went to go out with him. At that, she said with mischievous eyes that she would be delighted to…break some parts of his anatomy. In fact, she hadn't had time to finish her sentence; her eyes had shown exactly her thoughts. Parker went blank and ran away quickly after some "O...Okay. Bye!" Some girls in the area were grinning at her comment, even applauding Buffy. Unfortunately for him, his reputation had preceded him.

Walsh's TA, Riley Finn had asked her too. He seemed a nice guy, but Buffy thought that that wouldn't be a good idea. Her heart was already taken, and even if the person who had it seemed not to want it, that wasn't fair to Riley. And with her studies and patrols, her time was committed elsewhere.

After a month and a half, professor Walsh gave them their essays back. She said that in general, they were good, at least not bad for a first essay; but there was one excellent (A+), a very promising student.

That excited Willow, Oz was...Oz, and Buffy was waiting.

They received their papers back. When Willow saw her note, she was a little disappointed, pleased, but disappointed, it was an A-. Oz had a B+, and as for Buffy, she had…an open mouth.

"Buffy. Buffy!" Willow tried, "What is it? It is so bad."

"Hmm," managed to say Buffy, then added, "No. Yes!" She closed her essay when Willow was going to see her note.

"What is your note?"' asked Willow with curiosity.

"B-." Buffy answered quickly.

"Buffy, that's great," smiled Willow, "well, I mean, it's not that awful. That's good."

Oz nodded silently.

They were walking in the hall, when suddenly, Buffy said, "Look you two, I…I want to talk with professor Walsh. I haven't for a long time." She turned back and returned toward the amphitheatre.

"Okay," said Willow," we're waiting for you, and don't worry Buff…" Willow hadn't finished; Buffy was already gone.

************************************************

Professor Walsh was putting away her stuff and talking with one of her student when Buffy entered in the room. The student said his goodbye when Buffy said shyly, "Professor Walsh?"

Walsh raised her head in the direction of the voice, and said quickly, "Sorry, but if you have some concerns about your note; I suggest you to read my comment I made on it before."

"No, it's not…" Buffy stammered, "well, yes, it's just that…you put me…I had...an A+." She finished in soft voice.

Walsh looked intently at her and said, "You're Buffy Summers?"

Buffy nodded.

"And you have a concern because…" Walsh said in an interrogatory tone.

"No, well, it's just that I wonder-"

"Your essay was excellent, Buffy." Walsh cut her off, before adding, "You answered the subject with coherence and clarity. And it wasn't an easy subject--the place of mythologies and legends in our society and in psychology. I'm not a person who gives and accepts simplicity." Walsh said, taking her suitcase and walking out of the class.

"Keep it up. As I said, you're a promising student." And she left.

Buffy was under the shock, "Wow!" was the only thing that she managed to think.

Then, after she recomposed herself, she left the room. She was walking in the hall, when she heard Willow, "Hey, Buffy. So, that wasn't really good," she said tentatively, seeing Buffy's expression, and finished by "Don't worry, Giles will help you, I'm sure. And everything will be alright." She nodded with assurance. Buffy looked at her and nodded softly.

They were walking while Willow was rambling. Oz smiled at that, and Buffy was lost in her thoughts ever since Willow had pronounced the name of Giles. Nobody knew, and especially Giles, but after each patrol, she stopped by his flat, wanting to 'see' him by a window.

But what she didn't know was that Giles missed her to a point beyond what she could think. Each night, he prepared for her a cup of hot chocolate, just in case she should stop…in hope.

He missed her, but he didn't know what to do…call her, go to see her… wait. He was lost; and had the feeling that he had messed it up a lot that day, the last time she went…

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