TITLE : WHEN WILL YOU SEE ME ?
PART : 6/?
AUTHOR : Catherine
DISCLAIMER : Joss owns all
FEEDBACK : Absolutely, Please. Love it

"Buffy! You're awake? I didn't hear you." Joyce was a little worried. Now there was bound to be a confrontation between Buffy and Giles, and not like, what she understood about what had happened the last evening, because now, Giles knew.

"Hi, Mom; Giles."

"Buffy, I'm-" he began, but Buffy cut him off.

"The gang isn't here?"

"No, honey. I think they won't be long."

Joyce was looking at Giles, she had been so angry toward him, but now she couldn't help but felt very sad for him. The love in his eyes for her daughter was so present. When he realized the truth about Buffy, it was like a part of him had broken. He was in shock; a part of him couldn't believe it. *No, it's impossible, it's impossible,* he said to himself like a mantra, *I will wake up, it's a nightmare, it couldn't…No.*

Finally, when he found the force to say "Buffy," it was like a whisper, "I don't understand. Why…why didn't you tell me?"

And now with a little anger in his voice, "Why didn't the others tell me anything? It was my right to know!"

Hurt, angry, guilty, fear, Love; all these emotions were mixed inside him.

But he waited.

Suddenly, Joyce answered, "They couldn't."

"Like you Mom. You promised too."

"No Buffy. I never made that promise."

"What promise? What are you talking about?"

Buffy was sitting, eyes closed. Obviously she didn't want to tell him, so Joyce spoke, "Buffy has made everyone promise that they wouldn't tell you about her…condition."

"I didn't want you to know. I didn't want to have your pity."

"To have my pity, Buffy! How could you think a such thing?"

That was when something hit him, "Wait, Spike knows! Why? Why him and not me?" He felt betrayed; again she had chosen a vampire instead of him, even if he knew that Spike only had eyes for Willow.

"Why didn't you want to tell me?"

"How could you ask that!" this time Buffy exploded. All the anger, frustration, and hurt she had felt during the past few days, because of Giles and of her state, came back out.

"Buffy-"

"The reason is you, Giles. You told me to grow up. You told me you wanted a rest. You told me that I needed to do that stuff, all that stuff by myself. You told me you wanted a life, Giles; a private life." She said the last part in a whisper.

He looked at her, seeing the sadness in her always wonderful eyes, and hearing her words' implication, *No, she can't think seriously that I don't want her in my life.*

"It's not fair, Buffy. I never insinuated-"

"But you did."

He didn't know what to answer to her last comment; feeling defeated, exhausted, he did the only thing he could do now--he went into watcher-mode; "I will research, and-"

"No! It's not necessary." Buffy said, with calm.

Before, Joyce had been silent, but now, "Buffy! Mr. Giles wants to help, and-"

"I said No. I don't want his help."

"Buffy, …I'm your watcher and-"

"Ex-watcher, remember. Now you're free. Get out!"

"Please, Buffy-"

"Why? For your conscience! It's not your fault, okay! And you don't owe me nothing; I'm not your job anymore! I'm not your responsibility anymore!"

"What?!? Buffy, what did you say? How can you say that?"

"Buffy, please, Mr. Giles' help is necessary. Be reasonable; with all the research everyone's done, we don't know anything, except the demon's category. Mr. Giles' experience is required."

"Buffy," pled Giles. He didn't know what to do; but knew what he wanted to do, he wanted to hold her, kiss her, and… She was his Love, his only and true love; *If only I knew it, if only…* He was angry with himself; if only he had listened to her when she went to his flat that day, if only his- *Joyce was right, it was my ego.*

Buffy couldn't take the conversation anymore. She had to stop it now; otherwise, she would fail. She couldn't fight him; something in his voice was so Giles, so the man she loved. The conversation had to stop now. She didn't want to tell him why she couldn't accept his help, or why she pushed him away from her.

"You should leave, Giles. I'm sure Olivia's waiting for you." she tried to say with detachment, but failed.

Emotionally, Giles was completely exhausted; he felt resigned until her last sentence.

In one second, he understood. Understood why she had had this reaction; why in his flat she seemed so hurt, angry, surprised; why she had wanted to hurt him so badly with her remark 'very old and gross', and he remembered her tone when she had said it--calm, sadness, hurt, angry…

In a flash, all the pieces of the puzzle were reunited.

Forgetting Joyce entirely, and seeing only Buffy, Giles said with sincerity and all his heart, "I love you too, Buffy."

Joyce didn't say anything. She was not even surprised, and, to tell the truth, she thought, *It was about time.* She wasn't really very happy about, but she knew her daughter and her feelings, and wanted her to be happy. She knew Giles' feelings toward Buffy as well; he would do anything for her. For Joyce, that was the essential; so, she hoped all would be alright.

He waited for her response, but Buffy was silent, trying to keep her emotions under control. *Calm down Buff, relax. He said he loved you, right; it's not like he had said-*"

"I'm in love with you, Buffy."

*Okay, he said it!*

Giles waited. After a moment, he spoke up. "Buffy, please, say something."

"You forget Olivia!" she snorted.

It was not what he expected.

He breathed and, with calm, "Like I already told you, Olivia is just… just a friend, Buffy. Believe me, you're the only in my heart. What I have with Olivia is just…just a friendship. I admit, it may be strange to say it, but the relationship that Olivia and I share, no shared, was just a comfort. We, oh, it's so hard to admit it," he ran a hand in his hair, * How can I explain that?* he thought, "but we used each other. She was here, alone," then whispered "like me. So…"

Buffy didn't agree with his actions, but at this moment she couldn't say anything. She was 'in shock'.

"But now, everything will be changed," he said with smile, "Now, we're together. And you're the only…only in my heart, and only in my- " he looked at Joyce, blushing. Joyce looked at him, smiling, nodding to encourage him to continue.

"The only in my bed, Buffy. I swear you."

"It's too late, Giles," Buffy whispered. "I can't."

"Buffy? No, it's not too late. We can…must be together."

"You don't understand, Giles."

"Understand what, Buffy? That I love you, and you love me! That you're my life. That I love you with all my heart." He said the last sentence, caressing her cheek. She had felt him approaching, but was a little surprise by this.

"I can't do that to you, Giles." She was crying.

"Do what, Buffy?"

"You don't realize! I can't do that to you! Please, go away."

"Buffy!" he was exasperated.

"I'm blind, Giles." she screamed.

At that moment, the gang entered in the room. They heard something, so they kept silent. Spike, who had had a problem with time the previous night, was there too. He went back up from the cellar when he heard yelling.

Giles didn't know what to say, but knew he had to tell her something, anything to reassure her.

"Buffy, this…Your condition…this doesn't change anything for me. I love you. And don't forget, it is temporary."

"You don't want to understand, Giles."

"So tell me, Buffy, tell me what I don't want to understand. I want to know."

"You want to know why?!? Because I'm BLIND. When I close my eyes, Giles, it's dark; when I open it, it's always dark. Do you understand? Open or closed, it's the same. And for the 'temporary' part, we don't know."

"No, Buffy. When the demon is beaten, you will immediately recover your sight-"

"When the demon is beaten, Giles. I know it. But do you realize that I must beat him, and I don't see A-ny-thing."

Giles felt defeated, again. But this time, he knew she was right; and knew she was afraid.

"Oh Buffy," said Willow. Dawn was crying and understood what her sister had told her the day after her 'accident'; she said the only thing she could. "I'm here, Buffy."

"Yes, Dawn's right, we're all with you, Buffy."

"Xander, you're all here. I didn't…Never mind."

"The discussion is over," said Buffy.

"No, it's not. You can't do that."

"I'm tired."

"Buffy-"

With that she went upstairs.

Giles was 'alone' with the rest of the Scoobies.

"So you know now, watcher. How are you felt?"

"Spike." Giles said with a Ripperish glare.

"She didn't tell you because of this woman, right, Giles?"

"Dawn?"

"What, Willow, like you didn't know?"

"Dawn is right. It was simple to understand. When we saw this bit-"

"Anya."

"At least, we know one of Buffy's reasons for making us promise." said Spike. All nodded.

"It's because of this woman, right, Watcher. She knew. But something it's not really clear. There is something else."

Giles was looking at Willow.

"She told you."

"Yes."

"I didn't want to hurt her. I…If I knew it I swear-"

"I know, Giles. But it was hard for her."

"Okay, am I the only in the dark?" grinned Xander.

"What's happened?" said Dawn, worried.

"Buffy went to my flat this day. And…there was Olivia too; well-"

"You had refused to help my sister to stay with this woman?" He nodded, "I don't believe it! Why? I thought she was important to you; I thought-"

"Dawn, it's not what you think."

"Really, Watcher?"

"Giles, neither of us blame you. I'm sure even if you had been there, you couldn't have done something. And we know it."

"I agree with Willow. Not knowing what sort of demon it was, nobody could have to prevent this consequence."

"Anya is right," added Spike.

"You must be right," said Xander.

Dawn didn't say anything. She had always expected one day Buffy and Giles would open their eyes and see they were in love with each other. It was something that everyone knew, even her mother. But now, she was angry toward Giles; for her, as if Giles had deserted her sister.

"Listen, Giles, it's not the time to feel guilty because for now, we have another problem."

"Another problem, Will?" asked Xander. "Yes, now she admitted it."

"Yes, Red is right."

Giles was looking at them, questioning.

Seeing that, Joyce said him, "It's the first time she used the word `Blind'. Before she, and the rest of us, always used 'condition' or 'state'."

"Giles, I think it would be better if you left."

"No, Willow, I don't want to let her. I don't want…She didn't understand that her condition doesn't change anything. I love her. I can't let her do this." He was shaking.

"Giles," Willow tried again, "believe me, I know that; but for now, it will be wiser if you-

"Yes, it's not as though it would be the first time. We don't need you."

"Dawn!"

"What? I'm not agreeing with you. He left my sister, it's his fault if she's blind now." With that, Dawn leave the room.

"She's worried, Giles," reassured Xander, "like all of us."

"I don't want to let her!"

"Willow is right. I'll call you. But please, for Buffy's sake, you must leave now."

"Joyce?!?"

Looking at them, he agreed.

"I will drive you, Giles."

"Thanks, Xander, but-" he took a big breath, trying to hold his tears, with difficulty.

"Maybe you're right, after all."

"Come on, Giles."

"Joyce?"

"I promise, Mr…Rupert." She patted his arm in reassurance.

Giles looked at everyone, "Thanks." He didn't even really know why he had said it, then realized, "Thanks for having been with her."

He felt so weak.

Willow and Anya hugged him; Dawn couldn't. He respected her wish.

With that, the two were gone.

**********************************************************************

"Willow, could you check on Buffy, please?" asked Joyce, even though Giles had left the house.

"Sure."

With that, Willow went to Buffy's bedroom. She knocked at her door, "Buffy? Buffy, may I come in?"

There was silence; Willow opened the door and entered in.

Buffy was lying in her bed, on her side, back to Willow.

Willow saw her shoulders shaking, and heard little sobs; she was crying.

She approached the bed, taking Buffy in her arms to try to calm her.

"Buffy, shhh, it's all right. Let go; you know sometimes it's good to cry. After, you're better; well, I mean, you know,-"

"Will."

"Yes, Buffy."

"You're rambling, and Spike isn't here to stop you." Buffy said, trying to smile. Willow couldn't help but laugh lightly.

"How are you feeling Buffy, I mean, really?"

"Willow, if I didn't know you, I would swear you're worried!" she teased her.

"Buffy, resolve face."

"Oh. You're really worried."

It was silent, then "I'm…I don't know Will. Giles knows now, and that changes everything."

"No, Buffy, you're wrong. Giles knows, yes, but this doesn't change anything."

"Will, now he wants to help and be there for me-"

"No, he wants to be with you…That's it! You think that if Giles knew, he could feel obligated. Buffy, how can you think that?"

"I don't want his pity."

"Buffy, if there is one thing I know about you two, it's if you're together, it's not because of pity."

"No, because now he's feeling guilty. Better way, yes, to be with Buffy."

"Buffy! You're wrong, and you know it. Now, that's enough! Sorry to tell you this like that, but you're completely blind," before Buffy could respond, "and I'm not talking about your eyes. But your heart. Giles loves you--you, Buffy, not the slayer, but the woman."

"Will, he has right about a life, and I can't do this to him."

"You know, you're really too stubborn sometimes."

Willow knew it was vain to try to reason with her for now.

IN XANDER'S CAR

Since they left the Summers', Giles hadn't said a word, but his face was full of pain.

"Don't feel guilty, Giles."

"I can't help myself."

"It's not your fault. The girls are right, there's nothing you could do have prevented this."

"I failed her."

"No, you didn't. If you think that, then all of us failed her."

"You didn't understand, Xander. She…she came that day for ask me to help her; and, and I refused. I preferred…"

"Giles, what happened that day, happened." *Yeah, I'm very deep on this case!*

"What I mean Giles, is-" He stopped when he heard *No, not that.*

"Giles? Giles? Oh, no! Plea…se Giles, don't cry. I already can't take it when girls cry, so, if you cry, I…" He couldn't finish his sentence, because, "Great Job Giles, now I'm crying too."

"Sorry, Xander."

"I'm sure, G-man."

"Xander, don't call me like that!"

"Hey, it's a good sign if you react to that. Here you go. Do you want- "

"No, it's all right, thanks, Xander."

Giles tried to put his thoughts in order; and, "I'm sure I don't need to tell you this, but-"

"I'll take care of her. Don't worry, Giles; I'll call to tell you what happens."

"Thanks."

Giles left the car for his flat.

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