Title: Choices 2/5
Author: Ness
Contact: sessa1@cox-internet.com
Written: 09/13/2003
Spoilers: Season 7
Pairing: B/G-eventually
Rating: PG
Summary: What would happen if Giles had to choose between eternal paradise and Buffy? Angst with a happy ending--Wenchie made me. *G*
Feedback: Um, if I asked please, would that help?
Distribution: Anyone that already has permission. Anyone else, please ask first.
Disclaimer: We all know who owns 'em and it ain't me. Joss and Co. are gods in their universe, I'm just a peon in mine.

A/N #1: Thanks to Morr for the beta, it is appreciated. *G*

A/N #2: I had help writing this bad boy, you'll see who when we get to chapter 4. *G*

Dedication: This one's for Gileswench. It's her Birthday and she wanted fic. I obliged.
The requirements for the fic challenge are in part 1.

"T--Tara?" Giles' voice broke. He'd never let anyone know just how much he 'd missed the quiet young woman that had brought such joy to Willow's life. Nor how much he blamed himself for her death.

"Hey, Giles," Tara greeted him softly. Her eyes roamed over him, as though she were trying to remember everything about him.

"What are you doing here?" A thought struck him. "Has my choice been made for me?"

"What? Oh, no--nothing's been decided," she rushed to assure him. "Actually." She ducked her head for her next admission. "I asked to be able to see you."

"Me? Why would you want to see me?" In his voice was a mixture of disbelief and hope.

"I wanted to say goodbye." Tara's eyes filled with tears. "I didn't get to say goodbye to anyone. I didn't get to tell Willow, Buffy, you and the others how much you all meant to me." The tears overflowed. "You were the only family--loving family--I'd ever known. I miss you so much."

Giles was moving after that quiet admission. He gathered the blonde witch into his arms and gently rocked her, his heart breaking at the sound of her soft sobs.

"I'm so very sorry I didn't save you," he whispered against her hair.

Tara pulled back to look at him. "It wasn't your fault. It was Warren's fault."

"If I had been there, perhaps I could have stopped what happened." Giles stepped back and ran his hand through his hair. "I most certainly could have stopped Willow's descent into darkness."

"You don't know that." Tara laid her hand on his arm.

Giles closed his eyes against the guilt and pain. "Yes I do."

He felt a gentle touch on his cheek and opened his eyes to find her regarding him with such compassion that he almost staggered beneath it. "You did what you thought was best," she told him quietly. "No one--least of all, Willow--could ask for more from you." She dropped her hand. "Don't you think it's time you let yourself off the hook? It's not doing anyone any good and you still have a decision to make."

Giles gave a wry, soggy chuckle. "You do know how to make a man feel foolish when he's trying to play the martyr, don't you?"

Tara blushed. "I--I'm sorry, I didn't mean--."

He put a finger to her lips to hush her. "Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong." He gave her a small smile. "I'm very glad that you wanted to see me."

Tara smiled back at him, grateful that she hadn't made him angry. So many times in her life, she'd done, or said, something that made things worse. This man could make her feel as though she could do things right for once.

Giles, for his part, could see the uncertainty in her. "You still do that to yourself, don't you," he murmured, almost to himself.

Tara started. "What do you mean?"

"You continually misjudge your own worth." He slid his hand under her chin and tilted it so he could look her in the eyes. "You have to know how very special you are."

Tara tried, without success, to pull her chin from his grasp. She had been to a place that taught her that she was just as good as anyone else. In Heaven, everyone was special. But she hadn't forgotten how, for most of her life, her father and brothers had taught her that she was worthless and no good. It had been a long time before she'd had anyone tell her that they were wrong.

"No, I don't do that anymore," she answered his question. "But I remember how I felt when I did." She shrugged. "My family did everything they could to make me think I was dirt."

Giles fought down a surge of pure rage at her family, and struggled to keep his voice low and controlled. "You are one of the strongest people I have ever met." He shook his head in disgust at her family. "You survived that which would have destroyed most others--you overcame the adversity delivered to you by your family *and* you managed to retain a loving heart and kind spirit that was a balm to all who knew you." He paused to take a breath. "You humble me with your capacity to love and be loved. That is a strength that few ever have." He gave her a small smile. "You amaze me."

Tara blushed deeply and dropped her eyes to stare at the buttons on his shirt since he'd still not released her. She'd never had anyone, not even Willow, tell her so clearly that he thought she'd been strong. She may not need to hear it anymore, but it was still nice to know this man, this amazing man, saw her that way. It was nothing short of astonishing. Now, she was even more grateful that she'd been chosen to talk to him.

"So," he changed the subject as he let go of her. "What do I do now? Do I tell you my decision?"

"Have you made one?" Tara asked as she looked once again at him.

The Watcher looked up to see Tara studying him intently. "Not yet."

"Would you like a little help?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" Giles arched a questioning brow.

"I'd like to tell you what you've done for me."

"You mean, just now?" Giles didn't try to hide his confusion.

Tara shook her head. "No, I mean when I was living." She tilted her head and gave him an affectionate look. "You have no idea what you did for me, do you?" She asked, unconsciously echoing Cordelia.

"I wasn't the one that stood up to your family, Tara." He told her, believing that was what she was speaking of. "Everyone did that."

"Not then, Giles. Although, I'll never forget that moment," she admitted.

"Then what?"

"Do you remember when I called you after you went back to England? I wasn't sure what to do about Willow, do you remember what you told me?"

He shook his head. He'd had so many things to think about during that trying time.

Tara could see he couldn't recall, so she helped him along. "You told me that I deserved all the happiness I could find." She touched his hand, trying to make him understand what his words had meant to her. "You told me that I couldn't help Willow if I couldn't help myself." She sighed as she remembered that painful time in her life. "I thought I had to stay with Willow, no matter what she did or how much pain she caused me or anyone else. You made me see that if I did that, I wouldn't be helping her, I'd be hurting any chance she had of getting well." Tara thought about what had happened afterward. "The only reason we had a chance for reconciliation was because I knew that I had been strong enough to make her see what she was doing, not only to us, but to herself as well." Tara took a deep breath as she blushed a bit, realizing that this was probably the long conversation she'd ever had with Giles.

"You didn't reconcile," he reminded her quietly.

"Only because of Warren." Tara's tone was firm and confident. "I believe we would have been able to put our life back together. That wouldn't have happened if I'd stayed with her. She would've eventually destroyed whatever I felt for her and that would have saddened me beyond belief."

Giles didn't know what to say. He'd done his best to counsel Tara on her problems. He now clearly remembered their conversation and her absolute conviction that she couldn't leave Willow or survive without her.

"You make a difference, Giles, whether you think you did or not." She smiled at him.

"You've definitely given me something to think about," Giles responded, a bit absently. He wasn't sure what his decision would be now.

"Well, let me give you something else to think about." She grinned. "There 's someone else that wants to see you." She paused before adding. "You really need to tell her, you know."

"Tell who, what?" Giles almost yelled in frustration, his attention jerking back to her. This was the second time someone had told him to tell the mysterious someone, something and he still didn't know what the bloody hell they were talking about! But, before he could say anything else, the room began to spin again. When it stopped, he gaped.

Never again had he expected to see the person standing before him.

****

Dawn held onto Giles' hand and began to speak in low tones.

"Please don't die, Giles. You and Buffy are all the family I have," she whispered in a low, broken voice. "I don't know what'll happen to me or Buffy if you leave." Not being able to speak anymore, she laid her forehead on the bed by his arm and wept. She became aware of soft hands rubbing her shoulders in comfort. Hands that could slay vampires and demons, yet give her baby sister solace. Dawn raised her head and looked at the woman standing behind her. "He's gonna be okay, isn't he?" She asked plaintively.

Buffy nodded her head, knowing all the while that she could very well be lying to Dawn. God, she hoped that she wasn't. She'd never hoped for anything more.

The two Summers women held silent watch over the man that held both their hearts.

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