Title: Charades 3/24
Author: Magpie and Wolfling
Email: magpie@moracle.co.uk and wolfling@sympatico.ca
Show: Buffy
Rating: NC-17
Category: angst, hurt/comfort
Warnings: spoilers up to the end of Chosen
Pairings: Giles/Ethan
Series: Of Old Mystics, sequel to Sleight of Hand
Summary: Searching for meaning in the signs and symbols of life.

Author Notes: Many thanks to Mad Poetess and Wesleysgirl for betaing :) This is the third story in the Of Old Mystics series; previous stories in the series can be found
http://www.myarseisnotpansy.co.uk/piedm/mystics.html.

Ethan hesitated outside their front door, thinking about what -- or more importantly *who* -- they were going to find inside. He gave Rupert an unhappy look. "This is not likely to go well."

Rupert leant over and kissed him, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. "However it goes, I'll still love you. And no one's leaving."

"Well, I'm all for a spot of 'yanks go home', you know." Ethan knew he was pushing it, and considering how generous Rupert was being in his response to all this, that was, well, not commendable. He gave a twisted smile in apology and turned to open the door, wondering how he was ever going to find a civil word for the Slayer he'd left standing on the pavement earlier.

As they stepped inside the living room, Rupert still had hold of his hand and didn't seem in any particular rush to let go, even when they became the focal point of three pairs of eyes.

Well, four, if you included the dog.

Megan came over immediately and hugged Ethan. While she could have just been worried by the row he and Giles had had partially in front of her, there seemed to be a protectiveness about her action, and Ethan suspected he knew why. He hugged her back tightly with one arm; he'd no intention of letting go of Rupert's hand until he had to.

"How was your walk?" he asked her, pretty much ignoring the other two girls. "Did Giddy behave himself?"

"It was fine. He, um... I was kind of worried to find you both gone when I got back."

"Sorry, Meglet," he murmured quietly by her ear before releasing her from the hug. He finally looked over at Buffy Summers and, ah yes, the not so little sister, Dawn. In different circumstances, he'd be quite excited to meet the Key, but not now with them both glaring at him as if he'd single-handedly put an end to Christmas and ice cream.

"I see you've all met," Rupert said, letting go of Ethan's hand only long enough for both of them to take off their coats and hang them up.

"Yeah," Megan replied shortly.

Ethan watched as Dawn's gaze moved between her sister and the rest of the room; she was clearly uncertain what to do or say. Buffy wasn't much help for the girl, as the Slayer was little more than folded arms and stern stare. Ethan really had no idea what Rupert saw in the petulant child to bring out all those obvious paternal feelings.

Knowing it would please Rupert, and not really caring how it would be received otherwise, Ethan smiled at Dawn and in the general direction of where Buffy was standing. "I do apologise for the rudeness of my initial welcome. May I offer either food or drink?"

"We're fine, thanks," Buffy said shortly, still standing with arms folded over her chest as she looked at them. Her gaze shifted to Rupert, and Ethan saw her expression soften just a little bit. "You okay?"

"Of course." Rupert lifted an eyebrow at his former Slayer. "Is there some reason I shouldn't be?"

"Actually, I'd kinda like a soda," Dawn said with a cringing smile at Ethan. "If you have one. Do you have one? I could, like, go to the store for you?"

"Coke, Mountain Dew or Lilt?" Ethan asked, still doing his best to play mine host belatedly and ignoring Buffy's insinuation that he would harm Rupert. "We keep it in for Megan."

"What's Lilt?" Dawn asked.

Megan stepped in, clearly allowing herself to be friendly to the visitor that *was* prepared to talk to Ethan. Rightly or wrongly, his admiration for his Slayer deepened even further with this show of loyalty. She explained to Dawn, "Lilt's a fruit soda with grapefruit and pineapple. It's really nice. I'm hooked on it."

"Oh, can I... do you mind if I try some?"

Smiling warmly now, Megan said, "Sure. I'll get us both a glass." She looked over at Buffy, her smile dropping. "You still not thirsty?"

"I'm fine," Buffy repeated, although a bit more of her aggression fell away, and she moved to sit on the couch by her sister.

Hardly able to believe he was doing it, Ethan released Rupert's hand and nudged him. "Go talk, I'll put the kettle on." Rupert gave Ethan a long searching look, making sure that he was all right before nodding and heading over to the sofa.

Not wanting to see any of the re-bonding that was inevitably about to take place, Ethan headed into the kitchen. Megan was pouring out two glasses of Lilt from a litre bottle. He rested his hand briefly on her back as he headed for the kettle. "I'm really sorry."

Megan smiled at him. "You don't have anything to be sorry about. Well, aside from taking off without someone to watch your back -- what you tell Giles about doing that holds for you too, you know."

"Yes, I know. It won't happen again." He smiled at her. "How long do you think we can hide out here?"

"I dunno. You think if we're quiet, we could manage it until the others show up for the meeting?"

Ethan looked sourly at the glasses in her hands. "I suspect Dawn will come looking for the promised totally tropical taste."

Megan considered. "I could live with that. She doesn't seem that bad." She put the glasses down again on the counter.

Nodding, Ethan turned to get a couple of mugs off the tree. "Call her in if you like on the pretext of tasting the drink. That will give Rupert some father/daughter time." He truly couldn't help the bitterness in his tone.

"Does that make you her stepfather?" Megan asked. "And Kat and me are the kids from the second relationship?"

He glanced at her and chuckled nervously. "I wouldn't say that near her. She really hates me, Meglet."

"Why?"

He grimaced. "Erm, can I refuse to answer that on the grounds it may totally incriminate me?" Megan just looked at him in a rather uncanny imitation of the look Rupert usually gave to get him to talk, and he cringed.

Turning away from her, he mumbled, "Megan, I... I really don't want you to know. I'd never..." He glanced quickly back at her. "I'd never do anything like that to you."

She stepped closer and reached out to lay a hand on his arm. "I trust you, Ethan, you know that, right?"

"You might not, if you knew. Without Rupert, I..." He swallowed. This really was an acutely painful conversation. "I'm only a good man for him, you know. Well, for you and Kat too now. But without you three, I'd be back to not caring about the world again." He finally turned back to face her. "I'm like the Beast in la Belle et le Bete in a funny kind of way. Because you three see me as... someone loveable, I can be it."

"We see you as loveable because that's what you've always been to us," Megan countered. "We've seen what you've put yourself through to make yourself better -- how can we not trust you?"

Ethan wished he had the faith in himself that Megan clearly had in him, but the fact that she did made him feel better about who and what he was, all the same. He gave her a brief but heartfelt hug, then turned away again to confess.

"I enchanted her in such a way to make her helpless to protect Sunnydale and indeed herself. Later, I captured and bound her and tattooed her with a mark that would summon a murderous demon to her. And basically, I made a nuisance of myself in her territory. Because Rupert was there, and I couldn't ever stay away too long."

"Was this during the same time that you turned Giles into a demon?"

"That event was the end of my trouble-making in Sunnydale, yes."

"And Xander was there during all of this too, wasn't he?"

Ethan nodded, his lips twisted. "You may have noticed he was none too fond of me either to start with."

"But you get along fine with him now," Megan pointed out. "All he needed to do was get to know you."

He knew what she was saying, but... "It's different with Xander. He doesn't see Rupert as his father to start with... Or rather, he probably does, but he doesn't have the same father issues that B... that she does. And anyway, I never hurt him the way I did her." He was burbling somewhat, as he didn't know exactly why it was different with Buffy, just that it was.

Megan cocked her head to the side as she studied him. "Have you ever apologised to her?"

"Good God, no!" He stared at Megan, quite horrified.

"But you are sorry about what you did?"

And there was the crux of the matter. He half-grinned, half-cringed at her, wondering how the hell he was going to get out of this one. "I, um, regret many of my actions from during that time." She lifted an eyebrow at him, and he sighed and rubbed his temple. "She's a bitch, Meglet. I... I don't like her very much," he finished lamely.

"So you're not sorry."

"Not so much." He tried what he hoped was an engaging grin.

Megan nodded knowingly. "So it's not so much that she hates you as it is that you hate her."

He gave her a mock scowl. "I thought I was meant to be the annoyingly perceptive one in this little family of ours?" She was right though; he had to admit it. Completely and depressingly correct.

"I don't need to be a Watcher to see things," she told him, leaning back against the counter. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Avoid any and all contact with her?" he offered brightly. Megan looked meaningfully at the door to the living room, and he groaned. "She is -- or at the very least, represents -- what Rupert chose over me, sweetheart. I'm not big enough or nice enough to forget that."

"Last I checked, Giles was living with you, not Buffy."

"Only because his little girl grew up and didn't need him anymore." He regretted saying it immediately.

Megan was quiet for a minute, then asked, "So if I'd been called, and Giles became my Watcher before you two got back together, you'd hate me now too?"

The truth in that hurt. Really rather a lot. He turned away from her and started to spoon tea into the pot. "Xander will be here soon," he said brightly after a few moments. "Maybe he's bringing letters or news from Kat."

"And you'd hate her too."

He banged the spoon down on the counter. Enough was enough. "Megan, you're pushing. Stop it."

There was no hint of Megan's usual reticence when she shot back, "Wouldn't you call me on it if I was hating someone just for the crime of existing?"

He was two steps towards the kitchen door with every intention of walking out on the lot of them when he remembered his promise to Rupert. Freezing in place, he stared at the floor. "I can't do this."

He heard Megan move closer, then felt her wrap her arms around him. "You can."

He supposed some might find it humiliating for an... older man to be comforted by a mere child, but Ethan was simply grateful for the hug. She still cared. With the way she'd been talking, he hadn't been sure she still liked him, let alone was still on his side. He rubbed his hands over hers where they rested on him. "It's been a pig of a day so far."

"Yeah." She hesitated, then added, "You do know all of this doesn't change how any of us feel about you, right?"

He gave a sort of half-chuckle. "This is sounding very much like a conversation I had with Rupert earlier. I know. I really do know. It's just sometimes it's hard to feel it. And frankly, sweetheart," he continued quickly, before she had a chance to say anything. "That is more than enough intervention for this old curmudgeon for one day."

"Promise me you'll think about it at least?"

"I doubt I'll be able to help doing that."

"Good." She gave him an impish grin and backed off.

Ethan turned to pour the boiled water into the pot. His hand shook as he lifted the kettle. He felt... fractured. Keeping the promise not to run might yet prove to be the hardest thing he'd ever done.

***

Giles crossed the room and sat on the couch in the spot left beside Buffy, although he couldn't quite keep his eyes from following Ethan's path into the kitchen. The tension between Buffy and Ethan had been so thick as to be almost smothering, and Giles had very little hope that that would change in the future.

Dawn had moved to the floor now where she was playing with Gwydion, her back to Giles and Buffy, perhaps giving them some space.

Buffy drew her limbs in close to her as Giles sat down, but then seemed to make a conscious effort to relax her posture. "So," she started positively with a somewhat forced grin, but then seemed to leave completing the sentence to him.

"So," he repeated, casting around for something to say. "Did you have a good flight?"

"We slept most of the way. I've gotta say I'm so not impressed that Dawn has like *no* jetlag at all, but my Slayer constitution thinks it's just fine for me to take the whole whammy..." She grimaced. "Do you want us to go?"

"No," Giles said quickly. He smiled at her, the expression far less forced than before. "Of course not. You're always welcome here -- you know that."

Her eyes flickered towards the kitchen. "He tried to shut the door in our faces, Giles."

He sighed, and tried to explain the complicated tangle of emotions and neuroses that was his lover. "That's because you terrify him," he said, deciding to go for the simplest explanation at the moment.

She crinkled her nose. "He really thinks I'd *slay* your... your..." Her eyes widened as she floundered for a word.

"Lover," Giles supplied helpfully.

"Um, yes, that thing." Buffy fidgeted very obviously and wouldn't meet his eye. "Giles, I don't kill people even when they're not... that thing. You know that."

"I do," Giles agreed, suppressing the urge to make Buffy actually say the word 'lover'. "So does Ethan. That isn't what scares him."

"So what does?" Buffy asked, clearly mystified. Dawn wiggled around on the floor to watch them, perhaps interested in the answer too.

"My past without him."

"Oh." That was absorbed for a while, then Buffy schooled her face into an obvious attempt at sympathetic. "Does he think I'm going to take you away from him?"

There was something in Buffy's voice that made Giles suspicious about her reason for asking. "There's nothing that can do that, not the way our lives are entwined now."

He watched her expression become more rigid. "What does that mean?"

"It means that if you're contemplating making Ethan's fears justified, you're going to be very disappointed."

A depressingly familiar closed off look appeared now on Buffy's face. "So it's none of my business. Got it."

"Frankly, no, it isn't. Not to the point that you get a vote. Ethan is non-negotiable. But as long as that's understood," he added, softening his voice from the hard edge it had taken on, "if you have any questions..."

"No. No questions," she said hurriedly. "We were just stopping by on the way through anyway; we can't stay long." Dawn looked up again at that, frowning and opening her mouth to argue. Buffy seemed to sense this and quickly carried on talking. "We just wanted to say 'hi' and, um, ask about your leg. So... Hi! How's your leg?"

Doing his best to ignore the awkwardness that now seemed to hang between them, Giles answered the question. "It's much better." He patted the limb in question. "Almost completely healed. You missed the spectacle of my hobbling around with a cane by a little over a week."

"Xander said you were attacked by a Chaos mage. So they don't all specialise in sneaky twisted tricks; some of them straight out attack?"

Giles knew that was meant as an insult to Ethan, but he also knew his lover would take it more in the way of a compliment. "Ethan and I seem to have become something of a target," he told her, ignoring the slight totally. "There's been subtle attempts as well as blatant."

"Why?" Buffy asked directly, going straight into her army-leading mode. "What's Ethan done to cause this?"

"Given up Chaos," Giles told her bluntly.

She didn't even blink at that, so it obviously wasn't news to her. "And that's not something you can wear a nicotine patch for? The, um, Chaos boss people send their lackeys after you?"

"After both of us, yes. Apparently there's something that Ethan and I together are destined to do that they'd rather wasn't done." He raised an eyebrow at her. "You, of anyone, should understand about having a unknown destiny thrust upon you."

She nodded seriously. "So wouldn't it be safer for both of you if you weren't together... doing things. Things that these Chaos people don't want done, I mean. Not other things that you might do. With him. Which you wouldn't be doing if you weren't together."

"Wouldn't it be easier if you had stopped being a Slayer?"

She gave him a cross look. "That's not the same."

Giles sighed and settled further back against the sofa's cushions. "We're still researching, but it's looking increasingly like it isn't as different as you'd like to believe."

"I'm here for a few days," she admitted a little grudgingly. "If you want help. I mean, I know you've got a new Slayer now, and you're all magicked up like Willow, but... well, maybe Dawn could help with research," she finished lamely.

"Any help at all will be greatly appreciated," Giles told her with a faint smile. "In fact, I've several people at me to not set foot out of this place without a bodyguard. If, when you're here, you wanted to act as such..."

Finally, he got the beaming smile he'd been waiting for, albeit a little hesitant. "You really need my help? I thought Megan..."

"Megan's been helping out as best she can, but I'm sure it's all a bit overwhelming for her at times."

Buffy was much more relaxed now. "We've been worried. *I've* been worried. It's kinda wiggy when your Watcher is in danger in a different country and... Well, I nearly flew over as soon as Xander called and told us what had happened. And what's up with Xander anyway? He's being all... mysterious guy."

Knowing that the mysteriousness was probably due to Xander's budding relationship with Kat -- he'd shown Giles and Ethan a lesser version of the intrigue when the conversation had turned that way -- Giles was left with the choice of either playing ignorant of the facts, or relaying information about Xander's possible love life to Buffy and Dawn.

And he had always tried to avoid thinking about any of the children's sex lives; that hadn't changed just because he now had a more active one himself.

Still, he did his best to answer the question. "Well, I'm not sure... that is... Xander's..."

A knock at the front door rescued him from his stammering. Before Giles could draw himself up, the kitchen door opened, and he heard Ethan say, "I'll get it," in passing. Giles craned his head around to watch.

There was a rumble of voices from the lobby, then Xander hurried in. "You said next week!" he accused the Summers' sisters, so revealing that someone had at least known of their plans to come to England if not when.

Dawn scrambled to her feet and threw herself into Xander's arms for a warm hug. Buffy also rose. As Giles stood in turn, he saw Pamela enter the room, and they nodded companionably at each other. But Ethan lurked in the lobby doorway; his lover looked small somehow, drawn into himself.

Concerned, Giles moved around the others to go to Ethan's side. "What's wrong, love?" he asked softly.

Ethan's eyes were full of emotion, but he just shook his head slightly. 'Not now,' Giles heard within his mind. Ethan placed his hand back into Giles', as they'd been when they had first arrived home. "Megan's making the tea," he said out loud.

"Good." Giles squeezed Ethan's hand, before letting go to slide his arm around Ethan's waist and pull him close to his side instead.

Ethan leant heavily upon him for a few moments, almost melting against Giles, but then he straightened again with a quiet sigh. They looked around the room together.

Buffy, Dawn and Xander were in a huddle together on the sofa; Buffy's back turned to the two men, perhaps coincidentally, perhaps not. Pamela was in the chair she always sat in, which was technically Ethan's, but Ethan rarely used it, preferring to sit with or on Giles whenever possible. She was sorting out what looked like comprehensive notes.

As Megan emerged from the kitchen carrying a tray of drinks, Ethan asked, "Are we still having the meeting now that we have... guests?"

"Yes," Giles said, moving over to the chair that had become his during these kind of get-togethers, pulling Ethan with him. "It's not as if Buffy and Dawn haven't had any experience with these sort of things."

"Besides," Buffy piped up, "I'm going to need to know what's going on if I'm going to be acting as Giles' bodyguard while I'm here." She hesitated and glanced at Megan. "If I'm not stepping on any toes...?"

Giles felt Ethan freeze on the spot, no longer moving with him. His lover exchanged glances with Megan, who sounded almost apologetic as she said to the other Slayer, "Help could be cool. It would give us all a lot more freedom."

Ethan stared fixedly at the floor.

Feeling the tension in Ethan's body, Giles decided they really needed at least a few minutes alone. "If you'll excuse us," he said to the others as he got Ethan in motion again. "Feel free to start without us. We'll be back in a bit."

A bevy of anxious gazes met this announcement, not the least from Ethan himself, although his lover allowed himself to be shepherded into the study without complaint. When the door was shut, however, he almost collapsed into Giles' arms.

Without speaking, Giles held him tightly, letting a bit of his magic flow through both of them. Ethan absorbed it, sponge-like, only releasing his own as he slowly started to relax. "Oh, I'm coping so very well with today," he muttered.

"You're still here," Giles pointed out, hoping he could convey just how much that meant to him.

Ethan pulled back just enough to look miserably into Giles' eyes. "Bodyguard?"

"That's what you wanted me to have, isn't it?"

His lover's moribund expression would have been comical had Giles not known the emotions were real. "How long for?" Ethan asked. "Oh God, tell me she's not staying here. There's no room."

"No, she's not staying here," Giles told him. "I don't think either of you are quite ready for that yet."

"What's she been saying about me?"

"Actually, I think she's feeling a bit replaced in my life-- and not because of you, or *just* because of you. I was her Watcher for almost a decade; now I have other Slayers. But she doesn't have other Watchers."

"All little cuckoos have to leave the stolen nest eventually," Ethan said bitterly, and immediately flinched, almost as if he was expecting to be hit.

Giles sighed wearily. Between Ethan's jealousy and Buffy's feeling replaced, he was in for a rough time. "She's still my Slayer, Ethan," he said softly. "She always will be. You've called her my daughter in all but name -- that's as close a label for how I feel as probably exists."

Ethan pulled back, wrapped his arms around himself and nodded. "Megan said I'm the wicked stepmother to Buffy's fairy tale princess... well, not in so many words, but that's roughly where she was going with it. Can I feed Buffy a poisoned apple, Rupert?"

It scared Giles that he wasn't completely sure that Ethan was speaking purely metaphorically. "What would you say if someone asked you that about Megan?"

"Oh, don't *you* start!" Ethan was clearly angered and upset by the question. "I'll just go and kill her now, shall I? Get it over and done with. The rest of them too?"

Giles pulled Ethan back into his embrace. "I feel about Buffy the way you feel about Megan, and it hurts when you say things like that -- even in jest. So, please," he begged quietly, "don't."

Ethan struggled a little, went rigid for a few seconds, then slumped. "Sorry," he said, sounding deeply depressed. "I'm sorry. I can't... I, oh God..."

"I love you," Giles murmured, kissing Ethan's temple. "Buffy being here doesn't change that. Nothing can change that."

His lover's eyes seemed desperately to be trying to communicate something his mouth could not. Finally, after several failed attempts to speak, Ethan managed to mouth. "I can't... go back."

"All right." It was obvious that Ethan was near the end of his rope and Giles didn't expect to be able to calm him down anymore with the others still here. He leaned in and kissed him gently. "I'll go ask the others to leave."

"No."

"No?"

"Well, yes," Ethan gave him a very weak smile. "That would probably be a good idea unless you are fine with me skulking away in here or upstairs. But that's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, love?" Giles asked, brushing a hand lightly over Ethan's cheek.

Ethan swallowed hard, but didn't lower his eyes. "I can't go back to how it was. When you were hers. When I... When I... was less than no one to you." That seemed to take all Ethan's willpower to say, and he wrapped his arms tightly around Giles and clung, burying his face against Giles' neck.

That shocked Giles so much it took a couple of seconds for him to respond, pulling Ethan even tighter to his body and stroking his hair gently. "Ethan, you're my soul. There's no force in this or any other world that can make me give you up." He brushed a finger over the ring he'd given his lover. "We're bound, you and I, through love, magic and destiny. Nothing's going to change that."

Ethan shuddered against Giles, his hands pawing at him. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice heavy with emotion and his words staggered. "I know I'm being awful. I'm just so very scared of losing this. You. What we have together. My whole life. Nothing. Just you. Just this. Can't go back to nothing again. Just can't."

"This isn't going anywhere," Giles told him, doing his best to soothe his lover. "I'm not going anywhere. I love you. And I'll keep telling you that as many times as you need to hear it."

"I think," Ethan said, taking deep breaths in an obvious attempt to master himself. "I may be needing to hear it rather a lot over the next few days." He gave Giles an uncertain smile. "Just a hunch."

"I'll make a tape," Giles suggested, then leant in and nuzzled Ethan's face, kissing at the deep frown lines on his brow.

Ethan shut his eyes at the touch. His breathing was still catching occasionally, but he was calming down, at least a little. "Rupert. If you wouldn't mind going in there and distracting them all with some unexpected callisthenics or something while I slip upstairs, then you should still have the meeting. It's important. I'm just not up to... Yes, well. But after the meeting's over, may I claim you for a couple of hours? No Slayers, no dogs, just us?"

"How about I give them the prophecy and our notes and leave them with the books while I come upstairs with you?" Giles countered, knowing he was not going to be much help with the research just right then anyway.

The look Ethan gave him was sheer gratitude. "Oh. Yes, please."

NEXT