Title: I Honestly Love You
Author: Eaglewolf
Date: July 22 2001
Spoilers: Vaguely the body
Summary: Buffy and Giles are married - but not to each other
Rating: G
Pairing: B/R G/R (new character) and vaguely B/G
Distribution: Feel Free :) Just tell me where
Feedback: *Homer like OOOH* Feeeedback!!! *drools a bit*
Disclaimer: Joss, Fox, UPN and everyone else in their sandbox own it. Peter Allen and his record company own the song "I honestly love you."
Dedication: Morrwen, just because I love her :) and the late Peter Allen because he truly was "The boy from Oz."

"Giles!" Buffy called out happily as she spotted him at the airport. It had hurt a lot when he'd gone back to England, but slowly as weeks turned into months they'd found they could live without the other. Sometimes life means you can't have what you want. They'd both been too scared of their feelings for each other to act on them, they'd been way too intense. So they'd let that chance slip through their fingers, but their friendship had never wavered. If anything, it had grown stronger since his depature.

Buffy and Riley were on their honeymoon. They'd decided to do a three-week tour of Europe and to stop off in London to visit Giles on the way home. They hadn't seen him since they'd flown over a year ago for his own wedding to Rebecca. She was only 8 years older than Buffy. She was tall, with black hair and the most intense blue eyes. She was deeply involved in the English version of the Initiative, The Conspiracy. Giles loved his wife, just as Buffy loved her husband, but they knew something was missing and that both suspected what it was; and yet..

It was only three days after Buffy and Riley had arrived that Giles and Buffy found themselves alone, as Riley had asked Rebecca to show him the English Initiative. They'd told Buffy and Giles to take the time to catch up while they were gone. So that was how they found themselves sitting next to each other on the couch, just enjoying the quiet companionship that had once been an everyday thing for them. It was here, with the man she trusted more than anyone else in the world, that she finally let the mask slip.

"Buffy? Are you.. okay?" Giles asked as he saw the pain in her eyes.

"A year Giles.. It's been a year. He just thought I was upset because we couldn't spend more than five days with you.."

Giles took off his glasses to polish them, "I miss her too." he said quietly. Buffy smiled softly at him and moved closer.

"I know Giles it's just.. I know he wasn't there when it happened, but.." Buffy let the tears fall, here, with Giles.. she was safe. "I just miss mom."

"Oh Buffy." Giles pulled her into his arms and rocked her as she cried. For the first time he let himself stroke her hair. It was as if he was trying to infuse her with some strength of her on. Now they were both married it was easier to cross the physical boundries they'd never had before. For a long while they just sat like that, talking quietly and then they lapsed into a companionable silence listening to the cd Giles had put on in the background.

Maybe I hang around here
A little more than I should
We both know I got somewhere else to go
But I got something to tell you
That I never thought I would
But I believe you really ought to know
I love you
I honestly love you

You don't have to answer
I see it in your eyes
Maybe it was better left unsaid
This is pure and simple
And you should realize
That it's coming from my heart and not my head

Buffy turned herself to look up into Giles' eyes and he smiled down at her. "I love you Giles" she whispered and the tears welled in her eyes as she realised just what they'd given up due to fear. It wasn't that she didn't love Riley, in her own way she did. But he would never be.. he would never be Giles. It tore into her heart just how much she really did miss his presence back in Sunnydale, but she'd understood when he decided to come home, back to England. He'd given up so much to be her Watcher and it was partly due to him that she was still alive and still fighting the evil forces.

I love you
I honestly love you

I love you
I honestly love you

Giles smiled down at his slayer and gently brushed away the tears she didn't even realise had fallen. He closed his eyes for a minute and listened to the words of the song, he made sure a day never passed without him telling Rebecca he loved her. He may have been the emotional marathon man once, but too many scares had changed him. He never knew which day would be their last. His heart constricted for he knew that Rebecca knew she wasn't the woman he loved beyond anything else. He loved her, but she could never be Buffy. He took a deep breath and as he brushed the hair out of Buffy's eyes murmured, "I love you too, Buffy."

If we both were born
In another place and time
This moment might be ending in a kiss
But there you are with yours
And here I am with mine
So I guess we'll just be leaving it at this

Their eyes locked and they knew exactly what the other was thinking. They'd made their choices, and they knew them to be the right ones, but they knew if things had been different. If Buffy had been just that little bit older, or Giles that little bit younger, or if either of them had been the sort of people to put themselves first, then things would have been very different. For a moment they both closed their eyes and imagined how things could have been and neither saw the tears falling from the others eyes. Their hearts cried out at the bittersweetness of it all.

I love you
I honestly love you
I honestly love you

The cd played on as they stayed there, the slayer in her Watchers arms and cried for what they had lost, without even realising it had passed them by.

**2**

Giles stood staring out the window as the rain pelted down and sighed. A flash of lightning lit up the dark room. It had been a year since Buffy and Rileys visit. He talked to Buffy as often as he could, but he'd been so busy and so had she and the time difference made it difficult, although Buffy knew she could call him anytime. When she needed to, she did.

Rebecca came up behind him, slid her arms around his waist and kissed his shoulder.

"You're thinking about her again, aren't you?" She asked gently. Giles sighed.

"You know me too well." He murmured as he turned to embrace her. "I just worry. Too much sometimes I know, but... she's Buffy."

Rebecca smiled, she knew. She knew he loved her, but she also knew she would always be second best. Just as Riley knew he would always be second best.

"Something's wrong Rebecca, I can feel it. I always know when it comes to her." He was worried.

"Call her." She said softly.

"I've tried.. No answer. I've tried the rest of them too, no answer."

"I'm sure she's okay, you know she'd call you the second she needed you." Rebecca smiled; the Watcher/Slayer bond was something she would never dream of trying to break.

Rupert loved her but she'd never be "his" Buffy. "Come to bed. Let me hold you." Giles smiled and lowered his lips to kiss his wife. He loved her, she was beautiful and he knew she knew how he felt about Buffy, just as he knew it was something she'd accepted from the moment she'd met him. He allowed her to lead him to the bedroom, where he made love to her as if loving Rebecca would take away the nagging worry and for a while it did. Rebecca made love to him as if it were the last time, but little did he know at the time that it would be.

Finally at 4 am with Rebecca nestled in his arms, he was just about to drift off to sleep when the phone rang. He jolted up, fully awake and reached for it,

"Buffy?" His heart began to beat frantically.

"Oh God Giles." Buffys voice was full of panic. "He's gone! There.." She broke down sobbing.

"Buffy, luv, calm down. Take a deep breath tell me what happened." Giles felt as if his heart was going to implode.

"Riley.. There was an explosion. He's.. Giles, Riley is dead."

"Oh my god. Buffy? Are you sure?"

"Giles, Riley's dead. My husband.. He's dead. " Buffy fell into shock on the other side of the phone and sat down abruptly; she'd held herself together knowing that if she could just talk to Giles it would all be okay.

Rebecca turned to look at her husbands anguished face; she saw how torn he was. She could see he wanted to tell her he'd be on the first flight out, but he had family to consider. She nudged him and he looked at her, his eyes full of tears. "Go." She mouthed. He smiled gratefully at her.

"Buffy, I'll be on the first flight I can get over there. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Giles, I need you." Buffy murmured softly.

"I know. I'll be there soon." He answered just as softly. "I'll call you when I have the details."

"Thank you. I don't know what I'd do...." Buffy began.

"Shhh it's okay.. I'll be there within a day if I can manage it." He said softly, they made their goodbyes and hung up their phones.

Giles turned to face Rebecca. "Riley was in an explosion; I need to go to her. I'd ask you to go with me, but.."

"I know, I gotta work." Rebecca smiled gently at her husband and took a deep breath. She knew this day was going to come someday, she thought she was ready. "I need you to listen to me until I'm finished Rupert, I need you to listen the whole way through to what I'm about to say, okay? Can you do that for me?"

Giles simply looked at her and nodded, she'd never sounded so serious before. He reached for her as her eyes filled with tears but she held her arm out to stop him.

"I know you love me, I have NEVER for one second doubted that you love me. But we've both always known it was Buffy who came first in your heart and I've never begrudged you that. It's something that's almost expected between a Watcher and a Slayer."

Giles opened his mouth and closed it again as Rebecca placed her finger against his lips and shook her head. He nodded at her to go on, taking her hand in his own.

"I want you to know that I love you too, sometimes I think I love you so much my heart will implode." She stopped for a moment to smile and it was that second the clock radio chose to go off, Rebecca was used to the early starts. It was a part of life in "The Conspiracy." She sighed as she realized which song it was and she pointed to the radio. "This song says it so much better than I ever could." She moved to be held in his arms as he listened.

"If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go but I know
I'll think of you
Every step of the way

Giles tightened his arms around his wife as his throat constricted. His eyes filled with tears and he pulled Rebecca closer. She rested her head on his chest, thought about how much she loved her husband and how happy she wanted him to be.

And I will always love you
I will always love you
You my darling mmm.

Bittersweet memories,
That is all I'm taking with me.
So goodbye, please don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.

Rebecca listened to his heart beating and let the tears fall. She knew he loved her and that she loved him but she wasn't what he needed. She wasn't who he called out for during his nightmares, even he didn't know he called out for Buffy while he tossed and turned.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

Rebecca tilted her face up to her husbands and met his lips in a gentle kiss. This time their lovemaking was slow and gentle. The tears ran down their faces, as their bodies met this way for the last time. The great thing about their relationship was that they had been best friends before they became lovers. Whole sentences would pass between them with just a look; words would only cheapen what needed to be said this night. If Buffy was the woman he loved beyond all else, Rebecca was his best friend.

"I'll always love you Rupert." She said as she kissed him goodbye at the airport later that day. "Let her make you happy.. When she's ready." She hugged him one last time and waved as he turned to wave goodbye. Goodbye to his old life and goodbye to her.

Rebecca knew she was doing the right thing, she loved Giles enough to set him free. She let the tears fall freely as she drove to `The Conspiracy' headquarters. She smiled through her tears at the tall man standing in front of her, and embraced him. Only he could really understand the pain she was going through, he'd made the same sacrifices. Only he'd not only lost his wife, but his country as well.

Rebecca smiled at him through her tears. "Welcome to my world Riley."

**3**

Buffy lifted her blonde head from Giles' chest to look into his green eyes.

"I'm sorry." She sniffed her hazel eyes full of tears. "I know."

Giles raised his hand to stroke her hair and pulled her back down to his chest. "Shh Buffy it's okay I understand."

"You always do Giles. Why is that?" She mumbled into his chest. He drew his arms around her in a protective embrace. "I loved Riley, but he never understood. Never knew that sometimes I just needed.." She stopped to smile up at Giles with tear filled eyes, "some time for me. He'd give it to me, but he never understood."

Giles just smiled gently down at the precious package in his arms. His heart was torn, he missed Rebecca desperately, but he knew as well as she did that their chapter was over. Her words echoed in his mind. "When she's ready." He sighed and tightened his arms around her a little more.

"I.. I miss him Giles. I loved him so much." She whispered so even Giles couldn't hear her, "but I was never in love with him."

"It's okay Buffy." Giles said as he slowly started to rock her back and forth. His only thoughts on soothing her. Helping to ease the ache. He pressed his lips to her forehead gently. "It's okay."

"Giles," Buffy studied his green eyes for a moment taking in every single aspect, her eyes focused on the hazel fleck for a moment before she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Losing Mom, losing Riley. It’s taught me something. You may never have another chance. Giles, I love you." She said as she snuggled deeper into his chest. "I really love you."

Giles allowed himself a small smile and mouthed the words, "when she's ready." In an audible voice he said. "I love you too Buffy." He continued to hold her until her breathing became even and then carried her up to bed. He lay her down and pulled the covers over her. He smiled gently at the woman he loved, watching her as sleep took her away to a place where the real world could not follow.

Then he remembered the present Rebecca had given him to give to her. He went to his room and took it out. He knew she'd taken hours agonizing over what to write and he loved her for it. She never volunteered what she'd written, and he'd never asked, knowing that if he were ever meant to he'd have the chance to read it. He bent down and kissed Buffys cheek one more time, leaving the package on her bedside table, leaning against the lamp. Buffy smiled in her sleep, Giles was here. He'd keep her safe now, hadn't he always? Giles moved to the guestroom to get some sleep himself.

It was daylight when Buffy awoke. She stretched and for a moment everything was as it had always been, and then she remembered. Riley was gone. The ache in her heart returned, although when she realized Giles was there it eased a little. She glanced at her clock, it was 6am, she knew Giles would be up shortly. She stopped and thought for a moment, about how good Giles was at taking care of her. He'd arrived the morning before, and even though he'd been jetlagged he'd sat up with her and held her until she'd fallen asleep around 8 PM the night before.

Her eyes were drawn to the package next to the bed; it was small and square. She picked it up, wondering what it was she shrugged, only one way to find out so she carefully tore the wrapping paper off. As she did a piece of paper fell on the bed. She looked at the cd and smiled, it was the Stuart Little soundtrack. Then she picked up the note and smiled a little bit more as she recognized Rebecca's handwriting. She really liked Rebecca; she'd helped to ease some of the pain in Giles' eyes. As she began to read the letter the smile on her face faded and tears filled her eyes.

Dearest Buffy,

Rebecca.

Buffy let the letter fall from her hand, rose to put the cd on; she pressed play and sank back on the bed. Her tears began to fall in earnest. Her heart ached as she thought of the sacrifice Rebecca had made and Riley too in his own way. She would take the time to write, or call Rebecca later. Now, now was her time to grieve for her husband, and to make sure Giles would never regret what he'd sacrificed for her.

I am home now, home now
I've been waiting for forever to find you, to find you
I'm not alone now, alone now
'Cause you've taken in my heart from the cold
All I know is every time I look into your eyes
I know, I know you're where I belong
I belong with you

You're where I belong
You're where I belong
I am home now, home now

Giles chose that moment to knock on Buffys door, and he looked at her curled up on the bed with her tears falling, he didn't even think he just went and wrapped his arms around her again. He inhaled the scent of her shampoo and just rocked her gently until her tears stopped. She stopped clinging to him and leant back just far enough to look at his face. Every emotion was clear to her now, she leaned forward and brushed his lips gently with her own. "It's all going to be okay because you're home now Giles, you're home."

Giles tucked Buffys head under his chin and murmured. "Yes, Buffy. I'm finally home."