Title: Mistletoads and Eggsnog
Author: escargoat
Rating: Heavy R
Disclaimer: Don’t own, no rights, for fun, blah, blah blah.

A/N: This fic is dedicated to my LJ Friends list as their Christmas present. The following were their stated requirements:

134. Shelley: “Ya Gotta Kiss a lot of Frogs...”

Someone puts a curse on Buffy that any one she kisses who isn’t her true soul mate will turn into a frog, and the only way to turn these unfortunates back is to *find* her soul mate. After turning two or three innocent fellows into frogs, Buffy begins kissing everyone she knows to find her true soul mate in order that she might help out her previous victims. Three guesses as to whom this soul mate turns out to be, and the first two don’t count.

Must have: A wonderful response from Willow, who is well known for her frog-phobia

Editcat also requested that this be set in Season 4 for her Christmas wish.

As you can see, I have tinkered with both the original challenge and the timeline of Season 4. Not too much, but a touch.

A/N 2: Thanks to Jen for speedy beta.

To go to a frat party was indeed one of the worst possible things to do during the holiday season. Not that Buffy Summers or her friends had ever had any particular luck with frat parties, but holiday ones had to be the worst. Apparently, when celebrating the Spirit of Christmas, frat houses needed to add twice the normal amount of alcohol to any drink – including the alcoholic ones.

They also deemed it necessary to hang mistletoe on just about every possible doorway, over hang, or conveniently broken piece of ceiling tile. What was worse was that the hosts of the party had not even bothered to buy real mistletoe. Being the cheap student they were, they splurged on the booze and not the decorations, so gaudy plastic balls of greenery adorned the room with their presence. One of them even lit up and played bad Christmas carols.

Buffy shuddered as she slithered along the wall in an attempt to get by the offensive green ball that hung in the center of the doorway she was going through.

Even Xander was not having a good time. Of course, having to kiss two guys had probably done that to him. Willow had not seemed to mind when she had been forced to kiss her blonde friend that she had brought with, but she had almost passed out after the third soldier had tried to prove himself worthy of the redhead’s good favor.

Buffy glared around the room looking for that distinctive head of hair. It was nowhere to be seen. Willow must have escaped along with Xander and Anya and Willow’s friend Tara. That meant Buffy had been abandoned to a fate worse than Spike. Why had she ever agreed to come to this party when she knew that Riley was going to be gone?

Angrily, she stomped towards the door. Shoving away the slightly tipsy soldier who tried to enforce mistletoe lips upon her, she stormed out of the frat house and into the street.

She kept on stomping once she was out of the house. It was a bit chilly, but she would die before setting foot back in the house to retrieve her jacket. Going to her dorm room was also very much not an option. Willow was probably already there laughing at how she had ditched Buffy. Xander and Anya and that Tara were probably with Willow having a good chuckle about seeing Buffy smooch so many guys. Who gave Tara the right to have an opinion anyway? She talked too much. All those, those, well really quiet and mostly nonexistent words.

Buffy sighed and rubbed her forehead. She didn’t know why she was in a bad mood. Maybe it was something in the punch. Or it could have been kissing all those guys who weren’t her boyfriend. Or it could have been the loud music or the fact that her friends ditched her at a really bad party.

In any case, she did not think that going back to her dorm would help. Fighting with Willow would not solve anything at the moment.

Glumly, she shoved her way through Giles’ door. She would just crash here for a bit. Olivia had not been around since her brush with mystical laryngitis, and if there was another woman there, well Buffy would simply throw a hissy fit and get rid of all the bad emotions building up inside of her.

Out of habit, she walked into his kitchen. She found a pot of lukewarm tea and poured herself a cup, stalked over to his sofa, and sat down. By her third sip, she heard a humming noise coming from Giles’ bedroom. Strike that. It wasn’t a humming “noise” it was just humming. Humming being done in a very hummy sort of way, jaunty with no particular tune.

Buffy rolled her eyes. Great, she had managed to come to see Giles on his annual ‘I’m happy day.’ Why couldn’t he just have been his normal snippy self? All sarcasm and unhappiness and pouty because she didn’t come to see him enough?

His footsteps echoed in the apartment as he bounded down the stairs.

“Buffy!” he exclaimed when he saw the blonde head, “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Probably because you were humming, and generally having a good time because I wasn’t here. I think I’d better go,” she hastily excused herself.

“What? Don’t be silly. Something is obviously troubling you why don’t I make some tea?”

Buffy lifted her cup. “I kinda already got some.”

Giles shook his head, “But that’s old. I’ll make some fresh, hot tea and we’ll talk and you’ll be right as rain in no time.”

Buffy stared at him. Something was wrong with Giles. Way, way wrong. And he was humming again. Only now, he was humming infectious and merry Christmas carols. Where was her dependable watcher when she needed him?

“Giles, you haven’t had sex within the last twenty-four hours have you?”

“What? Good lord Buffy, that’s rather personal.”

“Yeah, it’s really personal, and you’re not all growly that I brought it up. What gives?”

“I saw Ethan today.”

“Ethan? I’m turning everyone into their costumes Ethan?”

“Yes, he was apparently coming into town to turn me into some sort of demon. I ran into him, quite literally actually. He was getting out of a cab when I was coming out of the grocery store. He had a little vial of the potion he was going to use to turn me into the demon. It flew out of his hand and into the puddle of my laundry detergent…”

“Wait hold on, there was a puddle of laundry detergent? Were you like pouring it on the sidewalk?”

“Don’t be silly, I dropped it and the lid popped off. Inertia or something, you know. Anyway, the vial broke and mixed with the detergent, and had a bad reaction.”

“So why are you in a good mood, and what happened to Ethan?”

“I let Ethan go.”

Buffy stared at him. “You let Ethan go,” she said very slowly.

“Yea, of course, no real harm done.”

“And you’re happy about this why?”

“I don’t know really, just am. It might have been the fumes from the reaction. I think Ethan was a bit giddy as well. When I left him, he was emptying his pockets into the Salvation Army kettle.”

Buffy put a hand to her forehead. “Great, just great.”

“It is great. Helping those in need at Christmas time is a very noble cause. Perhaps I should volunteer at the homeless shelter.”

“Giles!”

“Well, it isn’t as if I don’t have the time.”

“Can we get back to the fact that you’re obviously not yourself and that Ethan is running around in Sunnydale?”

“Well, it isn’t as if you’re yourself either, all crabby and snippy. That’s my job. You’re supposed to pout at me and whine and then flounce off leaving me in the wake of that gorgeous arse of yours.”

“GILES!” Buffy screeched as if yelling at him would somehow snap him out of whatever strange mood he was in.

“I’m right here, Buffy. You needn’t yell.”

“You need to lie down,” she commanded as she dragged him up to his bedroom.

“I do not. I feel full of energy. Besides, you’re the one in a bad mood. Why don’t you tell me about it? I’m sure it can’t be all that bad.”

“I went to a frat party. It was bad. Lots of guys kissed me, and my friends ditched me there.”

“I didn’t ditch you.”

Buffy looked at him. “You weren’t there, Giles.”

“Yes, but I am your friend. And I couldn’t ditch you because I wasn’t there, therefore I didn’t, not that I would have, mind you. You’re the most importantest person in my life.”

“I don’t think you’re in a good mood. I think you’re drunk,” Buffy stated as she eyed him critically.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m a bitter drunk, not a happy one. I am not drunk. Just a little tipsy.”

“But in that good magic spell way, not from actual booze.”

“Yes, exactly. Why do you not sound happy about that?”

“Giles… Never mind. Just go upstairs and get into bed.”

“Are you coming with me?” he asked in his most beguiling and needy tone.

Buffy felt her eyebrows reach not for her hairline, but for the top of her head. “I am so going to pretend you never said that.”

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

She awoke the next morning on Giles’ couch. She felt horrible and there was a pounding in her head from the spiked punch. She heard a moan come from her right, and she turned her head just in time to see Giles plunk down next to her.

“Would someone please stop the pounding in my skull?” he whined.

“Hangover from magic is just as bad as alcohol, huh?”

“Worse actually,” he replied as drolly as he could given how he felt.

Buffy moaned and leaned her head back against his couch. The pounding was getting louder. “Giles? I think that it’s coming from your door.”

“I’m afraid I reached that conclusion as well.”

They both continued to stare at the wall. After a while, the pounding stopped and a frantic Willow burst into the room.

“There are, and they’re, and it’s all, and slime! And they tried to touch me!” she wailed.

Giles squinted at Willow. He turned to Buffy. “Did she just say that Ethan tried to feel her up?”

“What? No! The Frogs! Ethan’s in town?” Willow responded.

Buffy sighed. “Look, Willow, I thought Xander helped you with this. The frogs in lab are not going to come alive and hurt you.”

“No, no, when I got up this morning, there were frogs, everywhere. They were all blinking at me and making those ribbity little noises and doing those hoppy little jumps.”

“Perhaps you and Anya should start a club, people who fear jumping creatures. I’m sure that someone out there fears kangaroos,” Giles said as he pushed himself off of the couch to stagger towards his kitchen for tea.

Buffy was a bit more clearheaded. “There were frogs in my room?”

“Well, no, not exactly,” Willow hedged.

“They didn’t get slime on my new sheet set did they?”

“No, look, aren’t you guys missing the point? There were a whole bunch of frogs surrounding me this morning.”

“I’m sure it is just a harmless prank from one of your fellow students, Willow. Perhaps one of them heard of your ranidaphobia and decided to have a laugh.”

“Her rancid-a-whatta?”

“Ranidaphobia –her fear of frogs,” Giles clarified.

Willow glared at them. “Then why did they follow me?”

“They followed you?” Giles asked excitedly as he strode towards his door.

“No! Don’t open the…” Willow came to a halt as Giles cracked open the door and fifteen frogs jumped in.

“Well, looks like you have some admirers Will,” Buffy tried to lighten the situation.

“Hah, hah, how would you like it if, if, if a textbook followed you around?”

Buffy looked pointedly over at Giles and then back at Willow. “I think I do just fine. Besides, he has added benefits. Like tea making, and being able to reach things on the top shelf.”

“Oh, yes, do forget that I am both in the room and possess feelings.”

“Hey, I said you had benefits,” Buffy protested.

Giles put his hands on his hips. “You called me a textbook.”

“You are! I could almost put a bookmark in you.”

“Yes, well I suppose it is better than being an issue of Cosmopolitan. One only needs to dog ear the pages, and it changes its fashions every month.”

“I think textbook was too nice, maybe phonebook would be better. Really long and boring when read aloud,” Buffy shot back.

“Yes, well at least I have some information of substance floating about in me. You’ve got as much important news as the TV Guide!”

“Umm, guys?” Willow asked quietly.

“The, the, well at least people want to be seen with me on their coffee table. Where do they keep you?”

“Guys?” Willow asked a little louder.

“Well, they keep coming back for more with me. They just read you a couple of times before they get bored.”

“Giles!” Willow yelled.

Two head snapped around to look at the redhead.

“One, that has to be the weirdest argument you two have ever had, and I’m not really ready to deal with that. Two, could we please get back to the frog problem?”

Buffy and Giles turned around to look at the mass of ribbiting amphibians that seemed fascinated by the conversation.

“Yes, yes. Of course,” Giles replied ashamedly.

Buffy merely nodded.

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

A few hours later, Xander and Anya had joined the research party. From Giles’ bathroom, the sound of happy croaking could be heard.

Willow sat curled up in the arm chair, occasionally shuddering at the musical group residing in Giles’ bathtub. Xander and Anya sat on the couch rifling through books, pretending to read them but really only looking at the pictures.

Giles sat at his desk, and Buffy perched on his desk simply to annoy him.

“Why fifteen,” Xander finally asked, “Is that some sort of evil frog number?”

“I hope not. I like fifteen. It’s a nice number, cause, you know it’s odd and can be divided by four odd numbers, and it looks kind of funky when you write it,” Willow supplied.

Buffy looked at Giles to see if he understood the Willow babble. He smiled back at her until he remembered that they were fighting. Buffy remembered the same thing and gave him a haughty look before turning book to her book.

“What if they weren’t after you? What if they were after Buffy?” Anya asked.

“Why would they be after Buffy? She likes frogs,” Willow responded.

“The idea is not without merit. You do share a room with Buffy, and they did follow you to her,” Giles said.

“No I don’t think so. I kinda wasn’t in our room this morning,” Willow said as she blushed furiously.

Xander’s head shot up. “You were a wayward Willow? Do tell.”

“Yeah, I’d like to know what guy was enough to lure you away and leave your best friend to fend for herself at a really bad frat party with cheap, plastic, light-up mistletoe,” Buffy exclaimed, suddenly remembering her earlier ire.

“Hey, there was no guy, and you’d left already. That guy said that Riley had picked you up.”

“Riley is out of town, I told you that!”

“No, really Buff, that nice guy said that you left with your boyfriend and that you wanted us to have a good time,” Xander corroborated Willow’s story.

“Yes, so we left because there were lots of horny and attractive males and Xander felt threatened,” Anya added.

“Oh, Dear Lord,” Giles mumbled as he wandered over to his bathroom.

“And, I’m telling you that Riley isn’t back until tonight.”

Giles walked back out into the living room with a large frog in his let hand. Willow yelped.

“Giles, that isn’t funny.”

He ignored her and placed the frog on his desk. “Did you say that the mistletoe lit up?”

“Yeah, every time I kissed somebody,” Buffy replied as her lip curled back at the memory.

“It was triggered by your kissing?” Giles asked.

“Yeah, I figured there was some guy playing with the lights.”

“It didn’t light up when anyone else kissed under it?”

“No… Giles what gives?”

“This isn’t a frog. This is a mistletoad.”

Xander burst out laughing, “That is a terrible joke right?”

Giles shrugged. “There is a much more dignified name for the spell, of course, but the most common name for it is ‘The Mistletoad’ spell. You cast the spell on a bunch, or several bunches of mistletoe. The first person to be kissed under it turns the person he or she is kissing into a toad.”

A dejected moan came from Buffy. “I kissed all those guys?”

“Yes, unfortunately, it gets worse. You apparently were the first to be kissed under all of the balls of mistletoe. I am assuming that there were not fifteen balls hung?”

Buffy raised her eyebrows at him.

He blushed. “Of the mistletoe, I mean.”

“I think there were four. Why?”

“There are, as you no doubt noticed, fifteen frogs. Because the spell was cast on you multiple times, you are now turning everyone you kiss into a frog.”

“You have got to be kidding me. I mean, Angel’s curse is bad enough, but no kissing? There’s got to be a cure. There is a cure, isn’t there?” her voice took on a pleading edge.

“Yes, well as the old joke goes, ‘Mistletoad is cured by eggsnog.’”

“So, I’m up to a trip to grocery store, who’s with me?” Xander asked as he raised his hand.

“Not eggnog, Xander. Eggsnog. Sex. Right?” Anya asked of Giles.

“Not exactly, no. I’m afraid that it is a bit tamer than that.”

“You’re afraid? Well I’m not. What do I need to do kiss all the frogs again? Offer my spit as a sacrifice to the frog gods?”

“No, you ah, well you have to kiss your soul mate.”

“Great! Super! How fast can we get Angel here?” Willow asked as she nervously eyed the frog on Giles’ desk.

“Angel, I thought Buffy was dating Riley,” Anya commented.

“Wait, slow down a minute here. If these guys are after Buffy, why did they come to Willow?” Xander asked.

Four pairs of human eyes and one pair of amphibian ones looked accusingly at Willow, or at least the human ones did. The frog eyes just sort of looked passively at her.

“You think I did this? Why because I’m into masochism or some other type of non-normal but totally acceptable and should be embraced and not shunned behavior?”

“Masochism should be embraced?” Buffy asked.

“Well, did you?” Anya demanded in a bored way.

“No. I mean, the only spell I’ve done in days was totally unrelated to frog in any way. It was very unfrog like. Completely natural and kind of tingly, in the good way.”

“Yes, but what did it do?” Anya enunciated slowly.

“It, you know, tingled.”

“It tingled?” Buffy asked her confusion plain.

“Yeah, you know, Buff. It tingled. And, I’m not getting it either,” Xander admitted.

Giles pulled his glasses off. “She means that it, ah, tingled in a, well, a, a…”

“Ohhh,” Buffy commented as enlightenment dawned.

“Yes, quite,” Giles mumbled as Buffy shared in his embarrassment.

Xander still looked confused.

“Oh, it was a sexual spell!” Anya blurted out when she got it. “Those can be fun. Only I won’t do them with Xander because of his bad track record with any kind of spell.”

“Maybe it was Xander!” Willow quickly seized on the opportunity.

“Who me? I’ve been working. I haven’t had time to dig through Giles’ personal library looking for his little black sex magic book.”

“You have a sex spell book?” Buffy said in an accusatory tone.

“For research purposes only, I assure you. And before you all ask me more embarrassing questions, I would like to point out that the most likely culprit would be Ethan.”

“And you let him go,” Buffy stated.

“I did not ‘let’ him go. I simply…”

“Let him go.” Buffy interrupted.

“I was under the influence of a spell. If it is any consolation, I think he gave his credit card to a wayward bum on the street.”

“So, back to my question. Why Willow?”

“Maybe they couldn’t find Buffy, and they could find Willow,” Anya suggested.

Silence greeted her. Giles spoke after a moment. “Well, that does sound plausible.”

“Yeah, pretty much and I’m more worried about the whole kissing my soul mate issue. I’m really not looking forward to the whole abstinence thing,” Buffy chimed in.

“Well, you don’t have to kiss to have sex,” Giles commented.

Buffy looked at him. “Did I ask you for a trip down your memory lane?”

“Did I ask to hear about your sex life?”

“Did I ask to hear about your sex life?” Buffy shot back.

“Do you think I think you’d care?”

“Do you think I wouldn’t?”

“Not in any way that’s good. You need to keep your textbook on tap, now don’t you?”

“Well, maybe I wouldn’t be that way if you picked up something other than The National Enquirer!”

“Okay, is it just me, or have you two taken this whole metaphor thing too far?” Xander asked having been filled in by Willow of their earlier argument.

“Shut up, Xander!” they said at the same time.

Anya simply sighed and began to leaf through Giles’ address book while Buffy continued to bicker more quietly with her watcher. Quietly, she dialed Angel’s number and asked him to come. As she hung up, the conversation again grew loud.

“He’s a soldier! In this Initiative? And you didn’t tell me?”

“It’s supposed to be a secret!”

“So is your being the Slayer, but that never mattered to you before! Tell me, am I the only one you don’t tell your secrets to?”

“Hey, it isn’t like you’re not Mr. Secrets Guy. Ethan and Eyghon and Ripper and oooh how about Olivia? How many more secrets do you have?”

“None that you would care to know. I wouldn’t want to ruin your impossibly low opinion of me.”

“I have a good opinion of you except when you’re like this. And now I know you’re hiding something from me!”

Willow shrank further into the corner of the room. She was no longer certain whether she was more afraid of the amphibians or of the Watcher and Slayer.

“Is it some crime to keep a few personal things personal?” Giles snapped.

“Funny thing, I was about to ask you the same thing! Seems you can keep all your secrets but I have to tell you everything or I’m a bad person!”

“I’m gay!” Willow shouted.

Giles stopped with his mouth open about to let loose another scathing comment.

Willow fidgeted. “I wasn’t with a guy or in my dorm room this morning. I was kind of with Tara. We were together, and I don’t care what you say. I’m proud of it.”

“Does this mean you don’t want Xander anymore?” Anya asked.

“Yeah,” Willow stated liked it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Good. Then I’m very happy for you and your gay friend.”

The frog seemed to croak his approval.

“Will?” Buffy managed to choke out.

“Yeah?”

“Not that I’m not happy for you, because Tara, she’s a pretty nice looking chick, I mean if you’re into that type,” Xander amended after a quick peek at Anya, “But this is sort of sudden, isn’t it?”

“Not really,” Willow admitted.

“That’s wonderful Willow, congratulations,” Giles offered after an awkward moment of silence.

“Yeah, it’s really nice that you… Hey, how come she can be big secret in the closet girl and when I tell a secret I’m bad because I was keeping it in the first place?”

“Oh, now Buffy, things don’t always have to be about you,” Giles reprimanded her.

“No you’re right. Things only have to be about me when they’re bad. If Willow or Xander fall in love, it’s all ‘Let’s be supportive.’ Me? You guys would rather I just be alone, so Buffy doesn’t screw up again. Heaven help me if I don’t want to tell you all the little details of my personal life. I’m leaving so I don’t upset you anymore by maybe keeping it a secret about what type of bra I wear,” Buffy snarled one last time as she stalked out of Giles’ apartment.

The mistletoad on Giles’ desk followed her.

“Well, that was certainly uncalled for,” Giles commented as he began to polish his glasses.

Willow looked at him. “Yeah, but you know, the whole fight thing you two had going on? I’m thinking that it kind of caused that.”

“She’s right. You two were being juvenile,” Anya for a change supported Willow.

“I hate to say it, but they’re right,” Xander spoke up.

“It wasn’t my fault. She started it. Willow saw,” Giles said as he gestured towards Willow with his glasses.

“And I’m going to take that as my cue to leave. When Giles starts acting more immature than me, I take it as a sign of the apocalypse,” Xander said as he rose off of the couch. Anya followed him.

Willow glanced about. “I think I’d better go do homework. Have fun with the frogs!” Quickly, she scurried after Xander and Anya lest Giles attempt to make her take care of the amphibians.

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Buffy sat moping in her dorm room. She hated fighting with Giles. Squabbles and insults were all good, but an actual fight was the pits. They were supposed to be a team, but there was just something there-- something out of reach. And obviously she was not getting along well with her other friends either. Maybe this was how college was supposed to be. Maybe people were supposed to move on. But how could she really be happy for them when she didn’t have time to do the adult thing and make friends after college?

Willow was probably not going to come back to the dorm tonight. She had seen to that. Who would want to come and see the supposedly “best friend” that had not even been able to support her coming out?

Giles was right. Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer was nothing but a self-centered loser. She really did not deserve the happiness she wanted, so why should she be jealous when others got what they wanted?

And now this whole curse thing. It was terrible. Her soul mate. Yeah, right. If she had a soul mate, he was probably dead or really old or really young or married or gay or any other bad thing. It would only be fair.

She buried her head in her hands. She hoped it wasn’t Angel, she really did. To find out that the love of her life was over before high school ended? To know that she would have to wait for him until he found a way to keep his soul intact, that would be plain torture. How could she think of another person when she knew who her soul mate was? And to be realistic, if she did find him, he probably would not want her. Just because he matched her soul did not mean she matched his.

At least, she was fairly certain that the fates would find some sort of loophole to make her miserable with the one person who was supposed to be the “one.”

There was a knock at the door.

Glumly, she stood and opened it. Riley stood on the other side.

“Hi, Buffy,” he said with a sincere smile.

“Hey, Riley, come on in,” she said as she tried to muster some happy feelings or maybe not happy, but more positive. Telling your boyfriend that you had a curse on you that only your soul mate could lift was not exactly a good conversation to have. There was just no nice way it could end.

‘Oh, Buffy go ahead and find your true love,’ was not a likely scenario and would be hurtful because it would show he did not care that much.

And raving against her because he was not her soul mate would be even worse.

And if he believe himself to be the “one” then he wasn’t, well there was the whole frog problem.

“Look, Riley. There’s something you should know,” she began.

“No, wait, don’t tell me. You’re the Slayer,” Riley said with his disarming smile.

Buffy smiled a touch in spite of herself. “No, really. Look, I can’t kiss you. I can’t kiss anybody, really. I’m turning people into frogs.”

“You’re turning people into frogs with your kisses.”

“Yeah, not that I was going around kissing other guys, except I was, but not in a cheaty sort of way. More of a party mistletoe sort of way.”

Riley nodded. “The Initiative party. I told them to leave you alone. It figures that they didn’t.”

“So you understand?”

“Look, Buffy the world of curses and magic? I don’t understand it that much. I understand see the demon, shoot the demon. But if you say that you’re cursed, then I believe you. Now, how do we fix this?”

“She kisses me,” A deep voice sounded from Buffy’s doorway.

“Angel,” Buffy said uncomfortably.

“Who are you?” Riley asked in a more defensive manner.

“Angel. Who are you?”

“Riley Finn. What kind of a name is Angel?”

“What kind of a name is Riley?”

“Okay you guys, can we please stop the testosterone battle? Riley, this is Angel. He’s sort of my ex-boyfriend. Angel, this is Riley. He’s my current boyfriend.”

“He’s too young for you,” Angel said from where his place in the doorway.

Riley bristled, but before he could say anything, Buffy invited angel into the room.

“You’re sure this is going to work? I mean, how do you know he didn’t put this curse on you to get you back?” Riley asked as Angel sauntered into the room.

“Because Angel broke up with me, and it’s really complicated. Just trust me. Angel didn’t do this. And, no, I’m not really sure this is going to work.”

“I am,” Angel stated as he dipped to kiss Buffy full on the lips.

He backed away and half smiled. “See? I told you it would work.” The word ‘work’ actually came out quite a bit like “ribbit” as Angel poofed into a large bullfrog.

Riley stared at the frog sitting in the middle of the room. “What do we do with him?”

Buffy shrugged. “Put him in the bowl of water with your Initiative friend that followed me home. And hope that Angel doesn’t get hungry.”

Riley obediently picked up the Angel frog even though he tried to hit him with his tongue several times.

“So what was his kiss supposed to do?” he asked once Angel was broodily croaking in the water bowl.

“It was supposed to stop me from turning guys into frogs,” Buffy stated.

“Yeah, I sort of figured that out. I meant why was his kiss supposed to fix it? Was it because he was your, you know.”

“My soul mate?”

“No, your first. Wait, he was supposed to be your soul mate?”

Buffy winced. That was definitely not the right way to tell him.

“You thought that guy was your soul mate?”

“Well, I used to,” Buffy hedged.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this. Buffy, what about us?”

“Riley, Angel was never an issue between us. Angel left, and the chances that he was going to come back while I was still alive were very slim.”

“But you still thought he was the one you were destined to be with.”

“I don’t know. Willow called him, or maybe Anya did or Xander or Giles. One of them did anyway.”

“So, this Giles person is a friend of yours?”

“Of course, Giles is a friend of mine. He’s like the smartest person I know, and, and it’s complicated.”

“Complicated like Angel?”

“No! Not like Angel, completely different from Angel. Giles doesn’t lose, um, things when he’s happy.

“You aren’t going to tell me more than that, are you?” Riley said in a resigned voice.

“It’s not really important.”

He nodded and thought for a moment. “Buffy, why didn’t you think that I was your soul mate?”

“Well, we haven’t been together that long, and I didn’t want to mention it.”

“Aren’t you supposed to know right away? I mean, the moment I met you, I just knew you were special.”

Buffy shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, if I knew what it felt like, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation, right? And I like you, a lot.”

Riley smiled. “You know what I think? I think we’re soul mates, and you’re just afraid. Look, Buffy, something obviously happened with Angel that wasn’t very good. But, I would never do anything like that to you.”

“Riley,” Buffy did not get to finish her sentence as he leaned quickly in and gently kissed her.

This time, there was no time for a satisfied smile or confident quip. Riley Finn was a frog.

Buffy sighed and picked her boyfriend up. Resignedly, she moved to put him in the bowl with his Initiative friend and Angel. After a quick peek down at Angel, she moved to get another bowl.

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Willow, meanwhile, had rounded up Tara, Xander and a reluctant Anya to go search for Ethan Rayne.

They found him moping in a bar.

“Five dollars. Five lousy American dollars,” he whined pitifully to himself as they approached.

“Having some problems there old chap?” Xander asked as he slid into the booth next to Ethan.

He looked up nervously. “Oh, it’s you lot. I thought for a second that Rupert had set his Slayer at me. It looks as if the sidekicks have just shown up though.”

“Hey, I resent that. I’m just here because of Xander,” Anya protested.

“Oh, is that right? Well, why don’t you just leave then?”

“Well, because. I’m here for Xander, and Xander cares about Buffy. And you’ve done a terrible thing.”

Ethan snorted and waved a dismissive hand. “It’ll be gone in a day or two. It isn’t like Rupert and his darling little Buffy haven’t fought before. I was planning something much more exciting, but if you must know, I’ve run out of money. I’ll just have to come back some other time.”

“No way. You think that we’re just gonna let you waltz in here and cause some good old trouble, and we’re gonna just let you go?” Willow said in her best intimidating tone.

“They’re just fighting. It isn’t as if I succeeded with my original plan. That wouldn’t have worked for at least another couple of weeks. The season isn’t right you know.”

“Whoa, there. Original plan? There’s something worse than the whole frog thing?” Xander asked.

“Oh, yes. It was quite the scheme… What frog thing?”

“Oh, like you don’t know. Mr. Evil Guy,” Willow tried to sneer.

“Evil is such a harsh word. I prefer open minded, and I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was planning on turning Ripper into a Fyarl demon.”

“Ew,” Anya commented.

“I’m not buying it. Let’s beat him up,” Xander voted.

“Oh, come on, I’m telling you the truth, mind you I’m not telling you because I’m afraid, but merely because there is nothing you can do with the one spell I managed.”

“Oh, there’s something you can do. You can help Buffy find her soul mate,” Willow said.

“Soul mate? What daft nonsense is that? If all I had to do was cast a little spell to find someone’s soul mate, I’d own my own island.”

“Well, you didn’t have any trouble casting that spell on Buffy in the first place,” Willow shot back.

“You think a little quarreling spell is worth this sort of punishment?”

“What quarreling spell?” Anya asked.

“You know, her and Rupert fighting. It’s ingenious if I do say so myself. A Watcher and Slayer are mystically joined when the Watcher is entrusted with the care of his or her Slayer. So, I cast a spell on Rupert, and it gets instantly transferred to his little Slayer, then it transfers back again. Eventually it builds up enough momentum that a little annoyance builds into a full blown argument. It was quite tricky you know. It took me ages to figure out the right way to get it to move along that bond. For the longest time, all I succeeded in doing was making Ripper exceedingly cranky.”

“Y… you don’t know anything about the frogs?” Tara spoke for the first time.

“What on earth would I know anything about frogs for? I much prefer snakes myself, much more sinister and unpredictable.”

“You did a spell with snakes? That’s just nasty,” Willow said with a grimace.

“No. I did a spell to make Rupert fight with his Slayer. There were no amphibians nor reptiles involved. Are we quite clear on that now?”

“So, you’re saying that you didn’t cast the spell that’s turning the people Buffy kisses into frogs,” Anya asked.

“For the love of… She’s turning men into frogs? Well, that is amusing now isn’t it?”

“Yeah, amusing because you did it,” Xander accused as he practiced his best threatening look on Ethan.

“Oh, do be serious. After what Ripper’s done to me do you think that you and your little band here are going to make me quake with fear? Now, be off on your merry little ways. I’m telling you that I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I’ve got a much more pressing need.”

“W...what if you helped us?” Tara suggested.

Xander stared at her as if she had grown third head, as a second head would not have been uncommon around Sunnydale. Willow blushed as she thought of a way to cover up her girlfriend’s faux pas. Anya, however, looked intrigued.

“I think that’s a good idea. Ethan’s broke. And he’s very devious with spells, and obviously willing to be paid for work.”

“Ahn, this is Ethan. We don’t trust him.”

“Well, no of course not, but he seems to always come through with the correct spell when he’s getting paid.”

“Thank you, at least somebody recognizes my talents. However, you needn’t fight over my admittedly excellent prowess. You don’t have enough money to command my going rate.”

“You don’t have enough money to pay your bar tab,” Anya shot back.

“Ah, but I do. My tab is only three dollars and twenty cents. I have a five.”

“But, Willow is good with computers. She can track down your credit cards and get them back and get rid of all those bad charges.”

“Hey! I’m not gonna help him. I think that he should have to pay for all of the things he’s done,” Willow protested.

“Yes. But if he can help us find the person that originally cast the spell, then that would save us time.”

“I can find the person. Tara and me can do it. We don’t need his help.”

“You and your girlfriend took three hours to track him down in the first place.”

“Well, well he’s evil.”

“Open minded,” Ethan corrected her.

“Whatever. We can’t trust him. He’s probably just lying.”

“Yes, I vote for him lying. Let’s go beat him up,” Xander suggested.

“Well, I don’t think he’s lying. And Willow’s girlfriend agrees with me.”

“Ahn, you don’t know this guy, he does evil spells and curses people. You can’t trust somebody like that.”

Anya looked at Xander.

“Right. You know Will, maybe Anya is right.”

“Xander! I can’t believe you want to trust Ethan just because your girlfriend thinks you should.”

“It’s not that I’m just saying that maybe, just this once, we should give him the benefit of the doubt. It is the Christmas season,” Xander lamely tried to defend himself.

“Well, I don’t celebrate Christmas,” Willow shot back.

“Oh, please. Stop, I can’t stand all of this bickering. All this talking and sharing your opinions, no wonder Rupert’s gotten stodgy. What say I find the person that cast this little spell for you, and then you pay me?”

Willow shifted uncomfortably. “Well, okay, but only ‘cause it helps Buffy. And I’m still mad at you for whatever spell it was that you did, and I don’t like this. And I don’t like you, and, and your clothes are tacky.”

Ethan smiled. “There now, was that so hard?”

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Buffy stalked through the cemeteries. A quick patrol had to be the solution to her problems. How many times had she managed to stumble across the perfect clue whilst doing her everyday evil fighting? So, patrol it had been. Besides, even if nothing good came out of it, she’d at least get to dust a few vampires.

“Slayer,” Spike said as he walked into her line of vision.

“Spike, what do you want? I’m busy,” Buffy snapped at him.

“I’m out for a bit of a fight before bed. Restless, you know.”

“Great, well why don’t you go find your own place, I’m here right now.”

“Oooh, in a bit of a touchy mood are we? What’s wrong, have a bit of a tiff with your latest conquest?”

“Hey, do I ask you about your love life?”

“Hit upon something, have I? What is it? Not quite as athletic in bed as you are in the graveyard? Or can’t you give up being the one on top?”

“Spike… No, wait. You’re right. It’s all about sex. My whole life, it revolves around my sex life. In fact, Spike, I think I need to show you something.”

Buffy grabbed his lapels and hauled him in close. Grimacing, she yanked him in and placed a disgusted kiss on his lips. A small frog sat at her feet not two seconds later.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand then bent down to pick up Spike before he hopped off.

“I wonder if the chip still works when you’re a frog.”

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Ethan sighed as the group of Buffy followers trudges behind him. This had to be punishment. Spending more than an hour in the company of the annoying youngsters was driving him insane. And if he wasn’t mistaken, he was starting to like that Anya girl.

He shook that disturbing thought from his head and kept following the black light that was floating in front of him. The spell had been easy enough to do once Xander had pilfered one of the mistletoe balls out of the frat house. It was, of course, too dark of a spell for the little innocent witch and her gal pal to do, but for Ethan it had been child’s play. Excessively dark and questionable child’s play, but still easy.

Suddenly, the light stopped.

Xander peeked over the shorter man’s shoulder.

“Oh, man, why do these things always lead to the sewers?”

“Maybe ‘cause that’s where all the evil creepy things live? Hey, Ethan you wouldn’t happen to have a place down there, would ya?” Willow said.

Ethan simply rolled his eyes in response and bent over to pick up the cover. After a few unsuccessful tugs, Xander bent over to help him.

Soon, the group was trudging through a surprisingly clean sewer pipe. It was actually quite enjoyable until they were surrounded by a group of men with guns.

They were ushered into a room and locked into it.

Ethan sighed. “You know, this isn’t very sturdy. I bet that you and I could blow this place wide open,” he said with a suggestive leer towards Willow.

“Is he always this creepy?” Anya asked.

“Yes,” both Willow and Xander answered.

“Oh, I like it. It’s very natural on you. You are a very slimy man.”

Ethan paused for a moment unsure whether that was a compliment or an insult.

The door to the room burst open and in strode a shrewish woman surrounded by large men with guns.

“Professor Walsh,” Willow squeaked, “This isn’t going to affect my report card, is it?”

“Rosenberg, what are you doing here?”

The Black ball rose to float over Maggie’s head.

“Looking for you, actually,” Ethan responded. “You’ve been playing with magic.”

Maggie glared at him and motioned the guards out of the room.

“What do you want to know?”

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Buffy sighed as she watched Angel and Spike try to hit each other with their tongues. Riley and his initiative friend had long ago given up and huddled together for security at the other side of the fish tank she had bought for them.

The dorm room door flew open.

“Buffy!” Willow said excitedly.

“Will, what are you doing here? Not, that you shouldn’t be here, but I kinda thought I had pissed all of you guys off.”

“Well, you did, but it wasn’t your fault. See Ethan did a spell to make you and Giles cranky. Where’d the fish tank come from?”

“I bought it after patrol. The bowls were too small for the frogs. Oh, but apparently when you’ve got a fish tank without the water, it’s called a terrarium, or something like that. I didn’t get to ask the sales clerk again. He tried to kiss me. It worked. He’s in the pet shop frog cage right now.”

“Oh, well where did the other frogs come from?” Willow asked as she suppressed he urge to shudder at the sight of so many amphibians in one place.

“Riley. Angel. Spike,” Buffy said as she pointed to each of them.

“Spike?”

“I ran into him during patrol. I was in kind of a bad mood. Did you say something about Ethan?”

“Yup, we tracked him down. But, he didn’t do the frog spell, so we made him find the person, and it was Maggie, and then him, Tara and me did a spell, and poof! Nobody remembered us being there. And, I tracked down his credit cards, and hacked into the system and removed his bad charges, and he bought me coffee! And now, I think that we need to watch our psych professor.”

“Toad spell, actually. And Maggie Walsh did this to me?”

“Well, not to you. She was studying magics and had the spell done by some sort of traveling shaman. She kind of used her own soldiers as guinea pigs.”

“Well, there’s another conversation I’m not going to look forward to having with Riley. Assuming that I ever get him de-frogged or de-toaded or whatever. I’m not really sure he’s going to want to talk after the ‘Sorry, Riley. I’ve found my soul mate’ deal.”

“You don’t sound happy about that. Isn’t finding your soul mate supposed to be a good thing?”

“Supposed to be, but Will, there’s just so much that could go wrong. There’s a lot that probably will. This is me isn’t it?”

“Oh, Buffy, I’m sure it isn’t going to be all bad. I mean, maybe he’s really cute and only has a couple months to live. Bad, but you know, the cuteness.”

“You spent too much time with Anya today.”

“You’ll get no argument from me there.”

They sat for a moment in companionable silence before Willow spoke again.

“Buffy, you aren’t going to keep them in here tonight, are you? ‘Cause Tara has got this big exam tomorrow, so I can’t spend the night over there.”

Buffy turned around and looked at her friend. With a sigh, she got up and shrugged a coat on over her pajamas, and stuck her feet into her sneakers.

“Fine, I’ll go over to Giles’ and leave them there. Assuming he hasn’t actually locked the door on me.”

“Thanks Buff,” Willow said happily.

“Just remember that this is payment for the nastiness that was me earlier.”

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Giles wearily rubbed his eyes. The sound of croaking toads had lulled him to sleep earlier that night. Wearily, he trudged to his door and opened it.

“Buffy,” he stated for lack of anything else more intellectual to say.

“Hey, Giles,” Buffy responded as she maneuvered herself and the frog tank inside.

His eyes focused on the tank. “I thought only one of them followed you.”

“Yeah.”

“You kissed more men?”

“No, not ‘men’ like total strangers. Guys I knew. Guys that I thought maybe might have been the one, and Riley kissed me himself.”

“So one of these is your boyfriend?”

“He’s the one huddling with his Initiative Pal over there. The two glaring at each other are Angel and Spike.”

“You thought Angel might be your soul mate?”

“Well, maybe. Hey, how come you aren’t asking about Spike?”

“Because I highly doubt that you thought he could be your soul mate as the operative word would seem to be ‘soul.’ Spike has no soul, so he could not be your destined lover. Taking these facts into consideration, you obviously kissed him with the express intent of turning him into a toad.”

“You’re no fun,” Buffy said as she moved towards his bathroom with the tank. She stopped as she elbowed her way past him. “You also smell.”

“Yes, well, I wasn’t exactly able to bathe as I would have liked thanks to my plethora of house guests. Aside from which, I think that my personal cleanliness is not our main concern right now.”

“Give it a couple of days.”

“Buffy, I’m quite serious about this. If we don’t do something soon, we’re going to have to find a way to feed all of those amphibians in there, and we’re going to have to keep them from being eaten or flattened by oncoming cars, and we’re going to have to find a way to explain their absence from school. If we don’t do that, the police are going to come looking for the last people who saw them.”

Buffy slid the tank into Giles’ bathroom and quickly shut the door before any of the hoppy creatures could escape.

“They’re going to come looking for me and Xander and Willow.”

“Yes, and most likely Tara and Anya as well. Given Anya’s no doubt faked papers and the trouble you were in with Ted and Kendra’s death, it won’t go well. And if they look into my record… Well we don’t have the council to keep them off of our trail.”

“Great, so what am I supposed to do Giles? I can’t just go around kissing every guy I meet. And I don’t even know that there is a guy. Maybe there’s a woman or if there is a he, he’s on the other side of the world. Willow says that any spell that would help is insanely difficult, and not even Ethan knew a black magic shortcut.”

“You spoke with Ethan?”

“Well, not me. Willow did. They kind of tracked him down.”

“Where is he?” Giles asked with a menacing glare.

“Nowhere near here now. They let him go.”

“They let him go?”

“Now you know how I felt when you told me that. But they kinda had to. He didn’t cast the frog spell. My psychology professor did. She’s Riley’s boss, and she wanted to do some experiments.”

“Do they let Ethan go because he didn’t cast this particular spell?”

“Well, duh Giles, what were we supposed to do? Lock him up with the government? Call the Council that doesn’t talk to us? Have the police come and arrest him for bad clothing decisions? Given our options and his lack of ability to harm us right now, keeping him under tabs wasn’t something we could do.”

“I can’t believe you let him go,” Giles muttered.

“Hey, you’re the one who did it first. Besides, he was your friend, not mine.”

“Well he isn’t my friend now so you can’t go blaming me for what he does.”

“Don’t get all huffy with me you big, big Scrooge.”

“Scrooge didn’t know the meaning of Christmas. I hardly think that this situation is the same.”

“But its Christmas, and you’re being cranky,” Buffy pointed out.

“This happens to be a very serious matter.”

“You don’t think I know this is serious? Giles, my entire life is serious. I have about one percent delegated to fun and the rest is serious, and unlike you, that is not by choice!”

“What, do you think me so old that I actually want my life to be so dull that I sit around pining for you lot to come barging through my door?”

“I don’t know, you tell me! Last time I checked you seemed to be having a good time with Olivia.”

“Why are you fixated upon her? I decided to have my one percent of fun as you put it. I don’t think that it should bother a girl who clearly wants to live her life without me.”

“I never wanted to live my life without you. You wanted to live it without me!”

“I most certainly did not!”

“Yeah? Prove it,” Buffy snarled.

Giles glared at her and she glared back as hard as she could. In an instant, he had his lips pressing against hers. His brain had not thought through the kiss logically. In fact, his brain had not even been engaged in much thought process at all beyond the fact that he had run out of words and needed to act physically.

After a split second of shock, Buffy found herself trying to permanently attach herself to his mouth. She felt giddy and a little bit like her insides were on fire. Her hands desperately clutched at his back as she pressed herself against him.

Giles moaned in response as he moved his kisses away from her mouth and down to the side of her neck.

That was when his bathroom door flew open and several athletic men fell in a heap on his floor.

Buffy jumped away from his arms like a startled deer.

“Ow, bloody hell!” Spikes snarled as he found himself at the bottom of the heap.

“Sir! It’s hostile seventeen!” a nameless soldier shouted at Riley.

Various shouts of surprise and anger were hurled around as soldiers tried to apprehend Spike, Angel and Riley bickered, and Spike and Angel continued to snark at each other.

“Guys. GUYS!” Buffy shouted as she pried Spike away from the now three way brawl that he was in with Riley and Angel.

“Can you take this outside?”

The soldiers looked at Riley for their orders and he motioned them towards the door.

“Buffy, I’m going to need to take him into custody.” Riley said with a nod at Spike.

“Okay, one you aren’t taking Spike anywhere, because Professor Walsh? She caused this whole thing in the first place, and I don’t trust her. Two… actually there isn’t a second point. You want Spike? You do something about my whacko psychology teacher. Then you can do whatever you want to Spike.”

“Hey!” the vampire protested.

“Shut up Spike,” Buffy snarled at him.

“Buffy, you shouldn’t let Spike loose. He’s dangerous,” Angel commented.

“Angel, Spike’s got a chip in his head. He isn’t harming anyone and even though he’s evil and annoying? He keeps the vamp population down right now. If I need to stake him, I will. Or Giles will or Willow or maybe I’ll give Xander a nice Christmas present and let him do it.”

“I suppose that’s my cue to leave then,” Angel said as he looked at the determined set of her face.

“Yeah, and Angel, thanks for coming. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

“Me too,” he said as he swept out the door.

Riley sighed. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re going to say the same thing to me?”

“Because I am? Look, Riley, this thing with Walsh? I’m not sure you’re in a good place right now. Something is wrong, and I can’t be a part of it. We wouldn’t work out.”

“So this has nothing to do with your soul mate?”

“I don’t think I’m ready to talk about that right now. I’ve gotta get Spike back to his nasty little crypt.”

“I can get myself back to my own crypt, Slayer,” Spike said huffily and he pretended to not be practically running towards the door.

Riley shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. “I guess I’d better be going then. We wouldn’t want my men to attack Spike.”

“Bye Riley,” Buffy said quietly as he left.

Silence reigned in the apartment as Giles carefully inspected his glasses and Buffy stared at the pictures that had been hanging on his walls for ages.

“Buffy…” he finally began as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

She jumped, startled by the sudden contact. “Giles, I gotta go. Willow’s gonna worry. We’ll talk later,” Buffy blurted out as she flew out his door.

He simply stared after her. “Damn,” he muttered to himself. What a fine way to muddle everything.

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Willow sighed dreamily as she pushed open her dorm room door. Tara had really made her appreciate Santa outfits and Christmas in general that even Xander’s Snoopy dance had never done.

“Hey, Buffy,” she said cheerily.

“Will,” a pathetic voice answered.

The redhead turned around quickly. “Aren’t those the special peppermints candy canes you bought for Giles?”

“Yup,” Buffy replied as she stuck the end of one in her mouth.

“Shouldn’t you be wrapping them instead of eating them? ‘Cause gift and all.”

“Nope.”

“Are you going to tell me why?”

Buffy shrugged and continued to suck on her candy cane.

“Buffy, you know that all the fighting with Giles isn’t really all that bad. It’s Ethan’s fault.”

“It’s not the fighting Will. It’s the ‘Oh, god, I’m never going to be able to look at him again’ embarrassment thing.”

“He didn’t take you kissing Spike well?”

“Nah, he thought it was kinda funny.”

“Well, what happened?”

“There was kissage.”

“You kissed Giles? You turned Giles into a frog, and you didn’t bring him here? You left him alone with all of those younger and stronger frogs all hopping around in his apartment all alone. Buffy, how could you? What were you thinking?”

“He’s not a frog, Will,” she mumbled dejectedly.

“And that’s supposed to make everything okay. Buffy, how selfish could you have been to kiss Giles just to get back at him?”

“Hey, hold on there. He kissed me, so not the other way around.”

“Oh, well then you’re forgiven. Why did Giles kiss you?”

“We were fighting, and then we were kissing. You kinda had to be there.”

“And then slimy frogness?”

“No. There was a really big group of men pouring out of his bathroom though.”

“Oh. Oh! OH! Buffy, then he, you and, and he, and Giles!” Willow squealed excitedly.

“Yeah, I know,” Buffy said as she stuck the candy cane back in her mouth.

“I don’t understand. Why am I the only one doing the dance of joy here?” Willow asked.

“Will, he’s Giles. I can’t do this to him. He’s gonna be all funny from now on, and what am I going to do when he decides he loves me too much to hang around? I’m thinking that you don’t get a bounce back after your soul mate. And then, maybe I leave him. You know the shelf life of cut flowers gal here. I’m just going to turn him into a miserable old man. So, I’m eating his Christmas present.”

“That’s just stupid,” Willow said as she yanked the candy box away from Buffy.

“Hey!”

“Buffy, you’re being an idiot. He’s your soul mate. He’s not going to leave you, and fixating on your own mortality isn’t going to help anybody. Now, get up off your bed and get dressed. We’re going shopping.”

Buffy obeyed mostly out of shock. “Where are we going?” she asked timidly in the face of commanding Willow.

“We’re going to get you a Santa outfit.”

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Giles mindlessly toyed with his the newly purchased garland that he had just placed on his newly purchased tree. He had not known what to do after Buffy had left, so he had gone shopping. He had been consumed by an incredible itch to see her again, to touch her, to hold her, to take her in his arms and have his way with her. Logic, however, had combined with his survival instincts that told him pursuing a distraught Buffy would not be a good idea. After so many years of being her Watcher, he knew when she was not about to face something. It was utterly depressing to know that that ‘something’ was him.

“She must be terribly frightened,” he said to himself as he toyed with a Christmas ball. “Frightened or disgusted,” he amended as he hung another ornament.

“Actually, I’m kinda wondering why you bought blinking lights. They’re annoying,” Buffy said from the door.

“I like them, they add variety,” he responded without turning around for fear that she was just an illusion his tired mind was playing on him.

“Well, I don’t like them, and we’re going to go shopping to get non-blinky lights tomorrow.”

“It’s my tree; I’ll do what I wish with it.”

“Well, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll give in to the superior shopping knowledge that is me and get non-blinky lights.”

He did not respond and returned to fiddling with his ornaments.

“Giles, quit playing with your balls and talk to me,” she commanded.

His head whipped around in shock. She stood there with a silly red and white hat on her head and a small black raincoat wrapped around her. Black nylons clad legs peeked out from underneath the coat. They ran down into a pair of black high heels.

“New coat?” he managed to croak out.

“Old coat. I haven’t worn it since I tried to seduce Xander with the whole spell thing where Amy turned me into a rat.”

“Ah,” he responded as his body begged his mind to believe that she had chosen that coat for the same purpose this time. His mind unfortunately was much too cynical to give in.

Buffy watched as he shifted uncomfortably. It was strange to have squirm power over Giles, strange, but somehow familiar. She had always been able to get him to give in and let her do what she wanted. Maybe she had just never realized how deep their connection went. Okay, so the ‘maybe’ was unnecessary. She had never realized just how much he gave in to her, or how much she had done simply because he was Giles. Looking back, it seemed rather obvious why she had never taken to Wesley.

She shook her head and noticed that Giles was staring at her. “So, no blinking lights, and garland should be for trimming other things like doorways. I like tinsel myself.”

He snorted and rested his hands on his hips. “Is there anything else you want to redecorate?”

“Well, I could do without those baggy clothes. Your tweed looked better. I like the balls though,” she said mischievously.

“Don’t tease me,” he said roughly as he turned away in embarrassment.

“Who’s teasing? Look, Giles, I needed to get away. I needed to think without you around. Then I needed Willow to snap me out of depressing myself. But now, I’m all action girl. I want to give us a chance. That is if you want it. ‘Cause you might not want to, which I would totally understand. Because, hello, not much of a treasure here, but if you want to, I want to, so I thought I should tell you.”

He turned around and swept his eyes over her. “You wore that outfit just to tell me that?”

“Well, I was sort of hoping for it to be an incentive for you to say ‘yes.’ But, you obviously need time, and I’ll just get going, and you can talk to me later,” she babbled as her bravado began to fade and the reality of what she was doing began to sink in.

His hand clamped over her wrist as she began to move away. “I don’t need time. Do you think I’ve thought about anything else since Thanksgiving?”

“Thanksgiving?”

“I’ve tortured myself thinking of you. I tried so desperately to forget you when Olivia came back. I wanted so much to be happy, but I knew I couldn’t have you, and I’ve been so frightened since you walked out my door. I thought I’d scared you away forever.”

Buffy blinked back her tears. “Can you quit being share guy now? I’m not sure I can handle both of us being teary, emotional basket cases.”

In response, he lifted the hand he held and kissed it. “I love you,” he whispered against it.

“Stop it; you’re making my mascara run.”

He smiled at her. “Would you rather that I make lewd, suggestive comments?”

Buffy rolled her eyes and pulled her hand away. “Just for that, I’m making you buy a wreath for your door.”

“Are you going to start choosing my underwear for me as well?”

“Only if it’s ugly,” she answered as she bent over to retrieve something she had dropped by his couch.

Giles swallowed convulsively as her actions cave him a rather good view of the majority of the back of her thighs and a flash of something red underneath her coat. He felt his fantasies deflate a little. She was obviously wearing something underneath.

“Here we go. Eggnog to celebrate our new relationship, and no, it doesn’t have any rum in it because I’m so through with drinking. At least until I can actually drink legally. Oh, and what’s left of your Christmas present.”

“What’s left of it?” he asked as he moved into his kitchen for glasses.

“Remember the depression I mentioned? I ate your present during it.”

“I sincerely hope that it was edible to begin with.”

“Duh, Giles,” she said as he handed her a glass.

They clinked their glasses together and took a quick drink.

“You’ve got a moustache,” Buffy giggled.

“Yes, well I didn’t shave earlier. Just took a quick shower after my houseguests left.”

“No, silly, I mean you have a milk moustache. Or actually, it’s an eggnog moustache.”

“Oh,” he said has he reached for his handkerchief. Buffy beat him to it as she stood on her tiptoes and licked it off.

She blushed as she realized what she had just done.

“Sorry, sometimes I get all impulsive,” she tried to explain.

“I know. You forget that I’m not some silly boy to whom you need to defend yourself.”

“Do you think we’re moving too fast?” she whispered.

“That depends on whether you’re asking my head or my heart. Given the fact that we have rather strong proof that we are soul mates, I’m not sure that it is possible to move too fast. One could look at the last four years as our dating period.”

“Then would you like to see what I got you for Christmas to replace the candy canes?”

“You bought me candy canes as a gift?”

“They were expensive hand made ones, and you like to snack. Don’t deny it. I’ve seen you, and you can’t tell me you started jogging just for the health benefits.”

“I most certainly can tell you that. Losing weight is a health benefit as long as you need to lose it.”

Buffy sighed and opened her coat. Giles simply stared at her.

“Well, I guess I finally found out what makes you stop talking.”

“Dear Lord, how does that stay on?”

Buffy made a slight twirl to show of the impossibly tiny Santa dress. The strapless top was accented only by fake white fur, and the skirt barely covered her rear. It was, of course, naturally adorned with the standard and somewhat gaudy large, black belt.

“Interesting response, from the look of the rest of you I would have thought you were going to ask how you could get it off,” Buffy said as she stepped forward to gently touch the front of his slacks.

“Then you misunderstand me. For if I know how it stays on, I know how to remove it,” he growled softly as her touch grew bolder.

“Is that a promise?”

“Most definitely.”

“Well, I don’t know. I’m not sure that Santa gives presents to naughty little boys.”

“Why doesn’t Santa sit in my lap and listen to my Christmas list?”

“That’s supposed to be the other way around.”

“Oh, but it is so much more fun this way,” He said as he sat on his couch and pulled her into his lap.

She grinned as she settled herself. “Looks like somebody’s already got his coal.”

He groaned half in pleasure and half at the horrid pun.

Buffy’s smile just grew wider. “I win,” she giggled happily as she wiggled herself against him.

“Oh, yes,” he sighed as his hips arched up to increase the friction.

Buffy shifted to straddle him. Gently, she kissed him while she reached under the hem of his sweater to tug his undershirt free of his waistband. Giles reached behind her head and pulled her closer to deepen the kiss. His tongue poked gently at her lips until they opened for him.

Buffy slid her hands up against his chest for balance as her tongue began its own exploration. Soon the tender movements of their kiss escalated, and they began to shift restlessly against each other.

Giles broke off the kiss and took a deep breath. Shaky hands settled on her red velvet covered hips in an attempt to still her.

“Give me a bit, Luv.”

“‘Luv?’ When did I start to rate the English slang treatment?” she asked unsteadily as she tried to regain her own equilibrium.

“When I found out you could kiss like that.”

“Well, I’m glad I could, hey!” Buffy yelped as he pulled her breasts free from the top of her outfit.

He smirked at her as each of his hands grasped one of her breasts. “Beautiful, just like their owner,” he murmured as his thumbs encourage each nipple to harden.

“No fair,” was Buffy’s breathy response.

“Oh, would you rather I touch you somewhere else?” he said suggestively as his hand began to trail downwards. Buffy’s own hand shot out to stop it.

“You are not getting me off when I’m still dressed if I can’t do the same to you,” she ordered.

His eyebrows quirked upwards along with the edges of his mouth. “Close are you?”

She mock scowled at him. “Do you want to have an embarrassing wet spot in your corduroys?”

“But I’m supposed to be naughty,” he reminded her.

“Giles, I love you, but you’re exasperating,” she said as she slid off of his lap.

“You’re not leaving are you? Wait, did you say you loved me?”

“No, and duh. In that order. You’re my soul mate. Friendship, love, romance and hot, steamy sex all rolled into one fantastic package.”

He smiled and blushed charmingly at her. “Does that mean I’m forgiven for irritating you?”

“Again with the ‘duh.’ I just wanted to move this upstairs where there’s a bed. You didn’t get knocked on your head today did you?”

“I’d like to answer that with a glare,” he said as he followed her up the steps.

“Well, if you want Santa to bring you something nice, you’ll answer that with a whole lot of nakedness,” she retorted as she dropped the rest of her outfit leaving her in a garter belt and a pair of panties.

With quick steps, he tumbled her onto his bed. Together they wrestled his shirt from his torso and yanked his pants from his legs somehow removing his shoes in the process.

Buffy rolled on top of him and followed the line of hair from his chest downwards with little kisses. She stopped as she reached his boxers.

“Do I want to know why you own a pair of the Grinch boxer shorts?”

“Xander gave them to me.”

“Xander gave you underwear? Do we need to have a talk?”

“He apparently made the comment that my shorts were too stiff, and Anya thought she would help me out. It was either give them to me or face the wrath of his girlfriend.”

“Oh good,” was all she said before snatching the waistband and tugging them off.

Before she could return to her previous task, Giles quickly reversed positions with her to remove her own remaining clothing.

“You’re unclothed now,” he said as his left hand traveled up her inner thigh.

“You gonna do something about it?” Buffy teased as her legs parted of their own volition.

“Most certainly,” he murmured before his first finger slid into her waiting folds.

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Buffy’s first thought the next morning was that her bed felt funny. Her sheets were flannel, these were crisp cotton. She had a light comforter, this was heavy. Her bed didn’t have a man in it. This one did.

“Morning,” Giles rumbled in her ear.

“I know. That’s why the sun is out,” she replied as she snuggled against him.

“Mmmm, you’re insufferable,” he said before he brushed his lips against hers.

Buffy responded by savagely attacking his mouth with her own. Giles quickly returned her fervor. Blindly he groped at his nightstand while trying not to break the kiss.

“Blast,” he finally said as he reluctantly pulled away so he could look for the small foil package.

Buffy giggled underneath him and gently tugged at the hair on his chest.

“It’s grayer in the sunlight,” she commented.

“At least it matches my head. Which is more than I can say for you,” he said teasingly as he obtained his quarry.

“I don’t have chest hair.”

“No, you’ve been graced with a beautiful pair of breasts. Small and pert and rosy,” he trailed off as he rubbed his cheek against the body part in question.

“Mmmm, I think you’ve been a very good boy, but you’re really going to have to shave today. I think I’ve got whisker burn on my thighs from last night. Then after shaving we’re going shopping for tinsel and non-blinky lights and more condoms.”

“More?”

“Yup, more. Because I am so going to use this whole soul mate thing to it’s fullest. If you’re not careful, I might have to move in with you.”

He kissed her slowly. “My dear, I’m counting on that.”

Buffy felt tears begin to prick at her eyes. “You mean that?”

“Why on earth wouldn’t I? In fact, I’m rather hoping that you’ll live long enough for me to propose so that we can do something as utterly foolish as marry each other.”

“Giles, can I take this moment to say something really sappy?”

“Have I ever stopped you from saying anything?”

“I think this is the best Christmas present I’ve ever gotten.”

“Thank you, but I feel the need to point out that it is not yet Christmas, and I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

“Yeah, what are they?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

The End.