Title: Rebuilding the Family
Chapter: (3/?)
Author: escargoat
Rating: R
Season: Post 6
Disclaimer: I don’t own, I don’t want to own. Joss, Mutant Enemy, Fox, FX, the WB etc own the rights to the characters. I’m just borrowing them. I’m not making any money either.
The next days went slowly. Buffy, with the help of Dawn and sometimes Anya, nursed Giles back into his former irascible state. To say the least, he was extremely pleased when he was able to bathe and use the facilities without Buffy’s assistance.
The tiredness and lack of muscle control that the magic withdrawal had caused were gone, leaving only the physical remnants of the fight. The various cuts and bruises had darkened considerably and his body was an interesting array of colors.
A week after the fight, he finally broached the subject of Willow with Buffy. “I really should go and see her,” he commented almost off handedly over breakfast.
Buffy froze. “Willow?”
“Yes.”
“Giles! You can’t! I mean, look at you. You’re not doing well, and I can’t risk your health.”
“Buffy, I’ll be fine. Willow needs more help than I do right now, and I’m sure that she is not going to threaten me.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. I mean, yeah, Willow did some way bad stuff, but you were hurt pretty bad there Giles. And you still need support to walk anywhere. I just don’t want you to get worse instead of better.”
“And while I appreciate your concern, I cannot allow Willow to simply fester in her self loathing over at Xander’s while I’m here.”
“Why not? It was good enough for me,” Buffy shot back without thinking.
Giles flinched slightly, and Buffy hasted to apologize, “I’m sorry, Giles. I didn’t mean that. You know that I want Willow better. I just don’t, I don’t…”
“You don’t understand why I’m treating Willow differently?”
“Actually, I don’t want to see you get hurt. And also, I don’t know why I didn’t try ending the world. Obviously I would have gotten a couple people to hold my hand and probably would have gotten me a trip to England instead of a life sentence at the Hellmouth. And I know it’s selfish of me, ‘cause I really do want to do whatever it takes to help make Will better, but why did I get punished Giles? Why did I get punished for something that wasn’t my fault? And why do I get dumped on because I couldn’t handle it and went looking for some comfort in the wrong place?”
“What do you want me to say? I can’t deny that I made some wrong choices, but surely you see that you’re a different person than Willow is. You’ve always been two completely different personalities, and that merits two different techniques. Also, you’re more of an adult than Willow is. None of your friends have had to raise a child, and none of them have had to support that child. And I’m afraid that your Calling alone will always make you grow up faster than your peers.”
“Great, just one more perk to look forward to,” Buffy muttered as she turned back to the pancakes she was making.
“Buffy, I’m sorry, you know that if I could change…”
“Change the fact that my friends dragged me back to life, you would? I know that. In fact it’s probably the only reason I didn’t hate you after you left. I mean, I really tried to hate you, but I was pretty much just hurt.”
“I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did. For all my beliefs about your adulthood, not even I can make it alone anymore. Do you know what I’ve been doing in England?”
“Making friends and hanging around a bunch of witches in Devon?”
“Reading books. And the Coven is a way to keep myself busy. The most meaningful relationship I’ve had was buying a horse. I seem to be unable to relate to normal people anymore. You all have ruined me.”
“You think I’m strange?”
“Yes,” Dawn responded for him as she walked into the kitchen.
“Did you use up all of the hot water?” Buffy accused more than asked her sister.
“No.” Dawn replied as she settled herself down on the stool next to Giles. “Hey, you can keep yourself upright on the stools now.”
“Yes, it’s a miracle,” Giles deadpanned as his gaze continued to linger on Buffy.
“So, what’re you guys fighting about?” Dawn asked bluntly as she forked a couple of pancakes onto her plate.
“We aren’t fighting. Who said we’re fighting?” Buffy responded while adding emphasis to her sentence by waving her spatula.
“The whole tension thing when I walked into the room. You guys are so fighting.”
“Dawn, while I appreciate your concern…”
“Willow. We were fighting about Willow. Giles wants to go see her when he can barely stand, and then he’s going to take her on a nice vacation to England.”
“Oh, now Buffy. Don’t be petty. You don’t need to drag Dawn into this.”
“Giles, she’s already a part of this, and you know that whole me being a grownup thing? Well this is part of that. I promised Dawn that there weren’t going to be secrets. So there aren’t.”
“Just the same, she doesn’t need to be subjected to our pointless bickering. I’m going to see Willow whether you like it or not.”
“Well, I don’t like it. And I want you to know that. Look at yourself, Giles you can barely sit there are argue with me, and last I checked, I haven’t tried to kill you lately. Do you really think that you’re up to talking to Willow?”
“That isn’t the point. She needs me, and I’ll be damned if I make another foolish mistake with one of the few people I still care about in this world.”
Buffy turned back to flip now almost burnt pancakes. “Fine, but if I think you’re too weak for one moment, we are coming straight home,” she finally said after wiping away a few tears.
“I want to go too,” Dawn spoke softly.
“Are you sure about that?” Giles queried.
“Willow’s my friend. Even if I don’t see her, I think that I should at least be there. Even if it’s just for Xander.”
“I’m not sure that it would be a good idea,” Giles responded.
“If you get to go, Dawn gets to go. I’m her guardian. And advocating her not dealing with this? Well let’s just say I’ve done the whole not dealing thing well enough for the both of us,” Buffy said as she plopped the suspiciously dark brown pancakes down in front of Giles. “Would you like some butter with those?”
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
Xander had rings around his eyes when he answered the door. “Hey guys,” he welcomed them without any of his normal enthusiasm.
“Xander,” Giles greeted him in return as the small group came into the apartment.
Xander eyed Giles’ grip on Buffy’s shoulders apprehensively. Dawn caught his eye and shook her head ‘no.’
“Giles needs to talk to Willow. She in your bedroom?” Buffy went straight to business.
“Yeah, she’s not exactly into the whole getting out of bed thing yet.”
Buffy bit back any comment she could have made and helped Giles into Xander’s bedroom. The curtains were pulled mostly shut and Willow sat in the middle of the bed with the covers pulled up protectively around her. She looked so different from the last time that Buffy had seen her that Buffy’s first reaction was to go over and hug Willow and cry with her. But Buffy was not there to help Willow. She was there to support Giles, so she settled him down on the bed next to Willow and quietly left.
When she came back out of the room, Xander was handing Dawn a cup of cocoa.
“Hey, Xander,” Buffy said quietly as she slid onto the couch next to her sister.
“Hey, Buff. You missed the big excitement with the microwaving of the water and the instant chocolatey goodness,” he joked with none of his usual enthusiasm.
“No thanks, I’m on a diet. I think that if I eat something that doesn’t come from the Doublemeat Palace that I’m off of it.”
“You know, if I were you, I think I’d try a different diet. And coming from me? I think that says a lot.”
“I’m glad you’re so thoughtful, but I’m more concerned about Giles right now. He’s not exactly stable if you didn’t notice.”
“Yeah, between Giles and his rickety old man routine and Willow and her rickety old brain, I’m thinking we’ve got unstable covered in there.”
“Yeah, well Giles wasn’t exactly into the whole mentally stable thing himself for a while there,” Buffy replied with an anxious glance at the door to the bedroom.
“What?”
“Giles, was kinda out of it for a while after Willow, you know, sucked the magic out of him? Buffy had to sit up with him a couple of nights until the ranting went away,” Dawn explained.
“Oh, God. Should he be in there right now?”
“He’s Giles. He needs to do this. He doesn’t want to lose us Xander. This is his way of helping us put ‘us’ back together. I think that we need to give him the chance,” Buffy explained.
“Plus, Buffy already had a big fight with him about coming over here,” Dawn added.
“It wasn’t big. It was medium or a small. It was barely even a fight, more of a disagreement.”
“There was pouting, glaring, and stony silence. It was totally a fight. Except, no kissing and making up afterwards,” Dawn said as she looked to Xander for support.
“Be thankful for small miracles. I’m pretty sure the kissing thing would be a good sign of another apocalypse,” he replied with a half smile.
Buffy shifted uncomfortably.
“Ah, I’m sorry Buff, I forgot about the whole bathroom deal.”
“It’s not that,” Buffy said hesitantly.
“Bathroom deal? What bathroom deal?” Dawn asked.
“Well, you know the whole cleaning toilets thing,” Xander tried to cover.
“Dawn, when Spike tried to, when he, that is, he kinda tried it in the bathroom,” Buffy spoke softly.
“The bathroom? Our bathroom? Man, this knowing stuff is hard. Not that I want you to stop, ‘cause knowing is a lot better, just. Wow,” Dawn trailed off as she stared into her cup of hot chocolate.
“Yeah, welcome to adulthood,” her sister murmured.
“Buffy,” Giles voice suddenly called out from the other room.
In seconds, she was exploding through the door to Xander’s bedroom. She stopped as she entered. Willow lay sobbing in the center of the bed. Sparks were floating off of her, and Giles looked positively sick.
Xander and Dawn entered behind Buffy.
“What happened?” Xander asked in a rough tone that was a mixture of terror, concern and anger.
“It isn’t Willow’s fault. We just had a bit of an accident,” Giles assured them.
Buffy eyed him speculatively. “Okay, I think we’d better get you back home. Xand, you going to be okay taking care of Willow by yourself?”
“Yeah, sure.”
Buffy walked over to Giles and with Dawn’s help got him to lean against her. “If you need anything, you call Dawn or me or even Anya if we can’t come.
“I’m pretty sure I’ll be okay. Willow’s pretty good by herself when I have to go to work,” Xander said with an uneasy glance at the girl in the bed. She did not even look up at the sound of her name.
Buffy nodded and started moving herself and Giles towards out of the bedroom. Xander and Dawn filtered out after her closing the door behind them.
Instead of going straight out of the apartment, Buffy turned to Xander. “Look, when Willow gets out of her catatonic state in there? Tell her Dawn and I said goodbye. And tell her that if she needs anything she can call or send you over to get it.”
“Will do,” Xander whispered softly before he bade them goodbye.
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
Buffy glared wholeheartedly at Giles as he slumped down onto her bed.
“Ill be fine, Buffy. Willow needs me, Buffy. Why don’t you let me go get killed, Buffy?” she growled in a bad English accent as she yanked his boots off.
“You’re acting irrationally,” he whispered in self-defense.
“No, I’m acting rationally. You’re the one trying to get yourself killed,” Buffy bit back at him.
“Well, heaven forbid I argue with you over that. You do know what you’re talking about. The reigning queen of getting herself killed. Going to go for third time’s a charm?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Buffy snapped at him as she put her hands on her hips.
“What do you think it means?” he half snarled, half wheezed.
“Saving the world is my job, Giles. Dying to protect it is my job. And you know what? Dying to protect the innocent, also my job. Dawn was innocent. I’m not going to apologize about my decision.”
“Then don’t expect me to! Damn it all Buffy Summers! Don’t you understand that I’ve got a job too?”
“Yes, I do, last time I checked it said “Watcher” not “Slayer” so quit trying to die on me!”
“Well, you quit trying to leave me then!”
“Leave you? Leave you? I think you’re forgetting how this went. You left me.”
“You left me long before I ever set foot on that airplane back to England.”
“Well, maybe if you were a bit more honest, I would have trusted you more. Or do you want me to still pretend that I don’t know what happened to Ben?”
Buffy gasped in unison with Giles. She had not meant for that to slip out. It just did. She was so angry with him. She was so scared that he was going to leave her, so scared he was going to die on her that she was not watching what her tongue was doing.
“You knew?” he rasped out.
“Of course I knew. Ben’s gone. There’s no sign of Glory or her minions. He’s got to be dead, and I didn’t kill him. Spike couldn’t kill him because of the chip, and Anya would have told me if she killed him. Tara and Xander wouldn’t have been able to handle killing him, and you see how well Willow is handling killing Warren. And Dawn can barely kill a mouse without a major guilt trip. You’re the only other person that was there, and you’re the only person I know that’s cold enough to do it.”
“It had to be done.”
“Well, you notice that I’m not calling the police to come arrest you. It just kind of hurt that you didn’t think I’d notice. Maybe you were right, maybe with how I was coping when I came back, I shouldn’t have noticed. But I did. When you’re sitting there trying to think of something that doesn’t hurt, you get really introspective and start to think about anything that doesn’t really need to be thought about. I knew you killed Ben the day you came back from England. I just didn’t care then.”
“And now?”
“Now, I still don’t care. I mean, I can’t exactly say you were wrong I doing it, and I can’t say that I’m thrilled that you took a human life. I don’t know what to think about you anymore.”
Buffy slumped down on the bed next to Giles.
“Well, I’m very handsome for my age,” he said after a few minutes.
Buffy rolled her eyes and turned to look at him. “You want me to think about how you look.”
“Well, it’s a starting point. You think about my ruggedly handsome features, and I’ll think about your hideous fashion sense.”
“Hey, no fair, you’ve got way worse clothes sense than I do.”
“I thought you said I was trendy.”
“Well, yeah, but your taste in sweaters? Uber bad.”
He smiled slightly in response.
“So, you wanna tell me what happened with Willow?” Buffy said after a few moments.
“It wasn’t her fault. We were talking. I went to hug her. When I did, my energies tried to pull out of her and back into me.”
“I’m guessing she won the tug of war?”
“Yes. It really wasn’t her fault. We had to stop the arcing before something worse happened. She stopped it, but it left me rather drained.”
“So you’re going to be visiting the nut farm later on?”
“No, I’m just drained. It took me a long while to regain my strength.”
“Can you take mine? I mean, I’ve got plenty to spread around.”
“No, no. I couldn’t ask that of you. To take part of your energy from you, it would be too intimate of an act.”
“Giles, you and me and Willow: one of us needs help, one of us needs more help, and one of us is a basket case. Seems how I’m not exactly good with the whole counseling magic addicts thing, I’m guessing that you need to get up to speed here.”
“I couldn’t.” Giles did not get to finish the sentence as Buffy put her fingers over his lips.
“What are you afraid of?” she asked quietly, “Are you afraid I might find out about this?” She replaced her fingers with her lips for a chaste kiss.
When she moved back, he was blushing furiously and staring intently at the bedspread.
“You said that I thought you were Jenny,” he said reproachfully.
“Yeah, well I lied. Remember what Dawn told you about how much you rambled about me?”
“I’m so sorry, Buffy. My feelings aren’t what…”
Buffy placed her fingers back over his mouth.
“I know that you don’t feel that way anymore, Giles. I can’t blame you. It’s probably better for you that you don’t feel that way anymore. Just don’t hold it against me that I wish I had known, back when I had a chance. Back when I could have been something special to someone special. God, why do I always mess things up with the breathing ones?”
Her fingers trailed away from his mouth as he tilted his head in confusion. She began to pull her hand back towards herself when his larger one clamped around it loosely. With a gentle tug, he brought her hand back to his lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles.
“Parker was a pillock long before you met him, and Riley wanted you to be something that you were not ready to be.”
She sniffled slightly. “And you?”
“I’m a terribly dirty, old man with more baggage than you have. You don’t want me, Buffy. I want you to have so much more.”
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing that you’ve moved on then. ‘Cause I think my jumbled feelings inside are too close to being in love with you,” she cried mournfully.
His hand dropped hers and reached out to wipe away the tears tracking down her cheeks.
“Shhh,” he whispered, “You’re just upset about what happened earlier.”
“No, no I’m not. Don’t you know hard it’s been for me to live without you?”
“I know, and once a little time has passed, you’ll see that this is all just a way of dealing with your emotions about the entire mess of this last year. You don’t love me that way, Buffy.”
“And you were around to find out? Of course this is about the last year, Giles. Who do you think I was thinking about when I started having my affair with Spike?”
“Oh dear Lord, you mean that, don’t you?”
“Yeah, well not so good at the lying thing when I’m not being a stony assed bitch. And I’m really sorry about giving you that particularly wigsome thought about Spike.”
She pushed herself up into a seated position and wiped away the remaining tears.
“I should probably go,” she said after a couple of good sniffles.
“Don’t go. I can’t follow you,” he pleaded quietly.
“I don’t understand.”
“Stay here, with me. I can’t bear to be apart from you for long. I’m much too needy at the moment, and I’d like to pretend, even for a little while, that you meant what you just said.”
“But, you said…”
“What I was saying was that my feelings are not what they should be. They are highly inappropriate for our relationship. But I can’t help wanting.”
Buffy nodded and lay back down beside him. He gently tugged her into his arms and rested his head on top of hers. Lulled by the sound of each other’s breathing, they fell asleep.