Title: Rebuilding the Family
Chapter: (4/?)
Author: escargoat
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own, I don’t want to own. Joss, Mutant Enemy, Fox, FX, the WB etc own the rights to the characters. I’m just borrowing them. I’m not making any money either.
Buffy woke to the sound of Giles’ voice and the feel of his hand nudging her.
“What?” she asked blearily.
“I need to use the loo, and I’m not quite steady enough to make it there by myself.”
She quickly scrambled off the bed and helped him to his feet. Together, they staggered down the hallway to the bathroom. Dawn was on the floor, scrubbing it by hand with a bleach based bathroom cleaner.
“Dawn?” Buffy asked.
“I didn’t wake you guys, did I? I mean, I thought you were sleeping, and it just seemed wrong that, well Anya and I scrubbed to blood out of the carpet from Tara; it just didn’t seem right that we hadn’t, you know, scrubbed in here.”
“What happened in the bathroom?” Giles queried.
“Dawn, Giles needs to pee, do you think that you could maybe go scrub elsewhere for a bit?”
Dawn nodded and practically bolted from the room. Buffy guided Giles over to the toilet after closing the door behind them.
“Buffy, what happened?”
“Don’t you need to go? I’m not cleaning up after you.”
“Buffy,” he commanded sternly.
“Spike,” she answered tersely.
“Ah, would you like to wait outside then?”
“Giles, Spike tried to kill me lots of times. I slept with him. I’ve done terrible sexual things with him, and yeah the bathroom gives me a bit of a wiggins on occasion now. But so does my Mom’s old bedroom. And the couch in the living room? Major issues there. That doesn’t mean I’m never going in that room or sitting on that couch again. Pee, and do yourself a favor and sit down while you do it. I don’t think I’m going to let Dawn back in here to scrub.”
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
Dawn sat silently as she watched the television. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Buffy come into the room seconds before she felt the couch depress next to her.
“How’s Giles?” she asked.
“Better. He’s sleeping. Look, Dawn, I know that I haven’t exactly been accessible lately.”
“What, no, Buffy you’ve got to take care of Giles, I get that. Contrary to popular opinion, I’m not a total brat.”
“Dawn, the thing with Spike. You can’t make it better by scrubbing the bathroom anymore than you can bring back Tara by getting new carpeting.”
“I know that, it’s just. I trusted him, you know? I trusted him, and he did those awful things to you. And I just feel so guilty.”
“Dawn, the things I did with Spike, they were wrong. On his part and even on my part, but you didn’t know not to trust him. I let you think he was safe. I thought he was safe, or at least not able to really do anything. I should have told you.”
“But Buffy, isn’t that just an excuse? I mean, sure you should have told all of us what was going on, and you didn’t, and that was bad. But isn’t that like any other woman saying she deserved to be raped because she was a bad person and needed to be punished?”
Buffy shook her head. “Maybe you’re right about that, but I still should have told you.”
“Fair enough. You were wrong, but he was more wrong. And maybe I went a little overboard with the cleaning, but I just felt so useless.”
Buffy unceremoniously pulled her sister into a hug.
“It’s just linoleum, Buffy,” Dawn quipped when her sister began to cry as well as hug.
“I know, it’s just, for a second, I remembered how things used to be, with Mom. She used to do silly things because she didn’t know what else to do,” Buffy said as she pulled away.
Dawn sniffled herself. “You mean back when things were safe? Like when Giles was here?”
Buffy shook her head. “Giles is different from Mom.”
“Don’t see how, he’s like always taking care of us. I think he’s been more of a dad to Xander than his real dad.”
Buffy looked down at her hands. “It’s different. If Dad came in that door right now, he’d still be Dad. If Xander’s dad remembered that he still had a son, he’d still be Xander’s dad. Giles is our Watcher. He’s my Watcher. It’s different. He’s Giles.”
“Buffy? Are you okay? With Giles, I mean. You’ve been acting kind of strange. One moment you’re all protective of him and the next you’re all angry at him, and then you’re all angry at him because he won’t let you protect him.”
She chuckled without mirth. “No, I’m not okay with Giles. I don’t know which way is up with him anymore, and the scary part is that I think he feels the same way. Don’t grow up, Dawnie, it hurts too much.”
“I don’t think I get that choice. Oh, unless Peter Pan is real and there is a Neverland. Only, I suppose it would be full of vampire children and Captain Hook would actually be the good guy.”
Buffy raised an eyebrow. “I have a morbid sister.”
“Buffy, what are we going to do about money? I’m guessing you kind of don’t have a job anymore with the not showing up to work because you’re taking care of Giles.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure that Giles will give us some money. The Magic Box had to be insured and everything. I can ask Dad for a little extra, or I’ll just call his new secretary and ask her for a check. She usually writes them anyway. And I’ll try to get a job as soon as Giles is back on his feet and off to England. I guess. Maybe I could ask Xander for a little loan? He probably doesn’t need that nest egg money right now, and I’m sure I could pay him back, or you can when you get a job and pay off my next funeral.”
Dawn’s eyes widened. “And you just called me morbid?”
“Did the part about the funeral come out?” Buffy asked guiltily.
Dawn just looked at her in response.
“I’m sorry it’s just that apocalyptic things make me think about dying, again. Plus Giles and I had a fight about me dying, again.”
Dawn sighed. “You really don’t want him to leave, do you?”
“I don’t get a choice. I never get a choice. Willow needs help, and she can’t get it in Sunnydale. I can’t ask him to stay.”
“Why not? How come we can’t get what we want for once? I mean, how come all you ever get for saving the world is a crummy fast food job? Life sucks.”
“Actually, I think life is just really bad. Vampires, they suck, and they’re sorta dead.”
Dawn shook her head. “You’re a doof.”
“Well, you’re a brat, and you eat strange things.”
“Only because you bring them home.”
“No fair, you know I can’t defend the Double Meat burger.”
“That’s what makes me the crafty sister.”
“No, that is what makes you the brat.”
Dawn smiled. “Buffy? We’re really going to be okay, aren’t we. I mean, I didn’t think so before. So much bad stuff has happened, but we’re going to be okay.”
Buffy nodded. “Well be okay. Maybe not super or as good as we want, but we’ll be okay.”
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
Giles looked up from the game of Scrabble he was playing with Dawn. It was a pointless exercise, really. They both knew that he would win, but it was supposed to be a distraction from the fact that Buffy had left the house. She had gone off somewhere with Anya, and had evaded telling Giles where she was going by simply walking out of the room. When he had tried to follow her, she had sent Dawn upstairs to keep him in bed.
That had been over four hours ago. His eyes glanced at the clock, Make that four and a half hours ago.
The front door slammed open. Soon, the sound of Buffy’s footsteps were heard trudging up the steps and down the hallway.
She walked into the bedroom, her hair and clothes covered in dirt. Nervously she glanced at the Scrabble set.
“Isn’t that really, really unfair?”
“Where were you?” Giles bluntly asked.
“Well, hello to you too,” Buffy answered as she unbuttoned her jacket and made a shooing gesture at Dawn. She sat down in the chair that her sister vacated and played with the unfortunate ‘X’ that Dawn had gotten.
“I was out with Anya. We got rid of the temple that Willow raised.”
Giles eyebrows made a desperate attempt to mold with his hairline. “You what?”
“I took a sledge hammer to it. Xander lent it to me from his work site. Anya helped out with some of the bad mojo deflection,” she explained as her eyes continued to look at the small game piece in her hand.
“Do you realize the kind of danger that you just put yourself in?”
“Not really, and I didn’t want to know. That thing couldn’t just be left out there, Giles. And I knew that you would be upset with me if I told you.”
“So you just didn’t tell me?”
Buffy looked up at him. Her eyes held no remorse or shame. Instead they held boundless worry hidden behind what looked like fierce determination. “You would have wanted to go along. You and I both know that I’m the one that needed to take that thing down. You would have eventually agreed that this is what I needed to do. I just couldn’t risk the fact that you would have come with. I can’t lose you, not like that. And I know that it’s selfish of me, but if I’m going to lose you, then I want it to be to Willow. I want to be able to see you off to that plane and come home and cry my heart out and still know that I can hear your voice if I can afford the long distance charges. And I’m not going to apologize for that. I don’t get what I want in my life. I probably never will, but I can make sure that it is at least bearable.”
“You’re a silly and irrational girl. I’m not worth all this agony. I’m good for certain things, indispensable even, but don’t go breaking your heart over me. I’m not worth it.”
Buffy glared at him. “Why do men always think that they need to tell me what I need or want or feel in my relationships? If you aren’t going to let me love you, then I don’t think that you get to dictate how I feel about it.”
“I’m sorry, Buffy, that isn’t what I meant. I just…”
“Have the self-esteem of a slug? Think you’re a dirty pervert? Want to rip off all my clothes and screw me senseless?”
“Yes,” he bit out angrily and then looked away. “You don’t know what I’m like, not really.”
“No, the person who doesn’t know you is you. I might not know all about your past sins, Rupert Giles, but I do know that I’ve never seen you be anything but the bravest man I know. You were brave enough to walk away.”
“I rather think that should be filed under rampant stupidity.”
“That too. Sometimes being brave means being stupid, and don’t argue with me on that, I’ve got lots of experience on both words.”
“Buffy, I can’t give you what you want, what I want. But I can’t seem to let go.”
“Then don’t. Don’t do anything. Giles, you have to go back to England. I get that now. I need Willow to at least have the chance of coming back to us, and she isn’t just going to snap out of it here. And I can’t follow you there. I’ve got a Hellmouth to guard. Now is too soon. For me, for you – I can’t get over you leaving, not yet. I know you did it for the right reasons, but it still hurt. Plus the thing with Spike is whole big issue that’s gonna take some time to heal.”
“What do you suggest we do then?”
“Talk. I figure most of a continent and a whole ocean between us more than covers that whole ‘I need some room’ thing. They do have phones in England, or so I’ve heard.”
“Yes, fancy that, I heard they have them in America too.”
“Point taken. I’m just saying that if I don’t know you all that well, maybe you should let me get to know you that well. And I’m hoping by then you won’t be quite as fragile and needy. Actually, I’m kind of hoping that I won’t be fragile and needy by then either.”
“It sounds like a good plan.”
“I’m glad you think so because Anya pulled some strings, and you’ve got a flight tomorrow afternoon.”
“What? I’m in no condition to fly, and Willow…”
“Willow will be fine. Xander himself said that she’s really docile most of the time. You, sir, are going to get a Slayer sized pick-me-up, and no complaining. If you can swap magics with a bunch of strange coven members, then you can take a little from me.”
Giles shook his head. “When did you become so pushy?”
“I’ve always been pushy. You’ve just forgotten how to deal with me,” she responded as she knelt next to him on the bed.
With a sigh, he grabbed her hands in his own. “This might feel strange.”
“I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”
“I’m sure you can,” he replied a second before he began to pull energy from her.
For a split second he felt an odd sense of euphoria as he was connected with her. It wasn’t like a part of him had been missing, but more like a part of him had always been plain, and she had decorated it.
That sensation was quickly wiped away by the mad power rush that followed their hesitant joining. It was wild and untamed, and it was making him randy as hell. Suddenly he believed the old wives tales that floated around the Council about the depth of the Slayer’s power. It had often been said that a Slayer lived such a short life because of her inability to live with the immense power she was gifted with. He had always called such rumors absolute rubbish, but he was beginning to wonder if there was not some element of truth to them.
He yanked his hands away with a gasp. Buffy shook her head slightly.
“Is that it?”
Giles looked at her incredulously. Was that it? He felt better than he had in years, and she didn’t even appear to be tired.
“Yes, quite,” he managed to choke out.
“I guess I better go help Dawn with supper then.”
Buffy got up to leave the room. She hesitated and turned around. Decisively, she grabbed his face between her hands and kissed him.
“That was incredible,” she whispered against his lips before she left.