Title: The Best I’ve Ever Met
Author: Firedrake cogbehaviorist@ivillage.com
Rating: NC-17.
Pairing: Willow/Giles, a little Willow/Angel to set the stage.
Notes:    :: denotes thoughts.

He paced around the room, back and forth, trying to ignore the pitiful sounds of sobbing coming from the couch. Back, forth, back again, humming a nonsensical tune to himself. When the door finally opened, he rushed over in relief.

“Thank god you’re here. I just don’t know what to do. She’s not responding to me at all.”

Buffy looked over at the couch, where the sobbing had not diminished.

“How long ago did you find her?”

“About an hour. When I try to get her to talk to me she just breaks down. I can’t get a word out of her.”

“She was alone? You’re sure?”

He simply nodded, as surprised as she was.

“Let me see what I can do. You wanna go.. somewhere?”

“Yes, I need to pick up a few things for tomorrow, make sure everything’s still going according to plan. I’ll be back later.” He reached out to briefly touch her arm. “I hope you can help. I hate to see her like this. ”

Buffy nodded, then waited to hear the soft click of the door before quietly padding over to the couch. The sight brought tears to her own eyes. She knelt down and brushed a stray lock of hair back from the sobbing figure’s face.

“Hey, you. Wanna tell me what’s up?” All she got in reply were sniffles and hiccups.

“Come on. You can tell me. We’re bestest buds, remember? Should I break out the ice cream?”

That, at least, got a response. In the form of a very, very small shake of the head.

“Okay, no ice cream. Chocolate?”

Another shake. And maybe a little giggle. Buffy decided to press her advantage.

“See, that wasn’t so hard. Now sit up, take this kleenex, and tell me what happened Willow.”

The redhead did as she was told, blowing her nose noisily on the kleenex after she wiped her eyes. “Oh, Buffy. I feel like such a fool!”

“Willow, you’re lots of things. A fool is definitely not one of them.” Buffy sat on the couch next to her friend, putting her arm around the slender girl’s shoulders.

“But I am! A fool, that’s me. Nothing but a fool.” New tears threatened, but Willow pushed them back. “I went.. I went to Oz’s house tonight while he was rehearsing with the band. I thought.. you know, with all the stuff that’s supposed to happen tomorrow.. I thought.. God, Buffy, I didn’t want to die without knowing.. well, you know.”

Buffy didn’t have a clue what Willow was talking about, but since Willow was talking to her- a big step in the right direction- she wasn’t going to interrupt. They’d get there, sooner or later.

“I’d bought this nice outfit and read all these books and magazines. I went to his room, put out candles and everything. I thought it was going to be so romantic. How could I be so stupid?”

Now Buffy was starting to get a hint of what had happened. If she was right, and Willow was here instead of at Oz’s house.. This was bad. Very bad. “Willow, did you go over to Oz’s to seduce him?”

A very small nod.

“And things didn’t work out quite the way they were supposed to?”

A very small shake, and a barely caught sob.

“Oh, Willow. I’m so sorry. Did he hurt you? If he did, when I get my hands on him I’ll..”

“NO! Don’t hurt him Buffy, please. He wasn’t mean or anything. He just said that he didn’t feel right. That he’d actually been thinking we should spend some time apart. He was going to tell me after tomorrow. If- if we made it.”

Buffy still had to push down her urge to throttle the wolfling. Willow was, well, Willow. She was known for her ability to forgive even the most grievous hurts. Buffy was not so kind. “Let me get this straight. You went over there to seduce him. He comes in and not only tells you no, but that he was planning on breaking up with you. And I’m not supposed to hit him why?”

Willow played with the balled up kleenex. “Well, I’d rather you didn’t. And besides, I guess I should be glad that he didn’t, umm, you know. Take advantage of the situation. It would’ve been so much worse if we had, and then broke up anyway. I guess things really haven’t been the same between us lately, but I still loved him so much. What am I going to do, Buffy?”

“You, my friend, are going to go to college and meet some big-brained hunk that will sweep you off your feet.” Buffy’s eyes darkened as she became serious. “Willow, I’m sorry that it didn’t work out between you two. I know how important he was to you. You’ll be okay, though. I’m here for you.”

Willow put her head on Buffy’s shoulder. “Thanks, Buff. I’ll be okay. I’m glad that I decided to go away to school, though. I don’t think I could handle seeing him all the time and not being able to be with him.” Her head suddenly shot up as her words caused her to realize where she was. “OH MY GOD!” She shot to her feet, knocking Buffy back onto the couch, her face turning bright red.

“Oh my god, Buffy. I can’t believe I was so stupid! What was I thinking?? Like he doesn’t already think I’m just a kid.. now he finds me outside bawling like a baby and I totally blow him off. I didn’t even say ‘thanks for keeping things from eating me’.. just collapsed on his couch like a big, sobbing, wet, thing!” She was frantically pacing the length of the couch, hands gesturing wildly as she talked. “He’ll never forgive me.. I’ll never be able to look him in the eye again!”

Buffy finally managed to get Willow’s attention. “HEY. It’s all right. He didn’t mind, he just wasn’t sure what to do. I guess sobbing girls aren’t exactly his forte. Relax, Willow. If he would admit it to anyone else, I bet he was pretty happy that you even let him bring you here. I mean, after everything that’s happened, I doubt he ever thought one of us would be that comfortable. Really, it’s okay.”

“I’m going to have to apologize, though. I feel terrible! Do you think he likes cookies?” Willow’s tears had dried as she focused on a new mission.

Buffy laughed. If Willow was in cooking mode, full recovery wouldn’t be far behind. “You can ask him that tomorrow. Now come on, it’s late and we need you rested. I’ll walk you home.” The two girls headed out into the darkness, hand in hand, unaware of the figure that silently followed them.

Later that night..

Buffy had dropped Willow off at her home, waiting on the front walk as her friend let herself in. With a final wave, she turned back down the sidewalk. Buffy’s brain was working feverously; she almost didn’t notice the person who appeared from the shadows and fell into step beside her.

She tensed for only a moment before recognizing the presence. “You should take her to LA with you.”

“Buffy, I can’t do that. She has friends here, a life here, family. I can’t uproot her in the space of a day and expect her to go willingly. It’s a bad idea.”

“It’s not a bad idea. It’s a great idea. She’s going to school at UCLA anyway, what’s a month or two difference? That way she won’t have to see.. him.”

“I still can’t believe he did that.”

She stopped in her tracks. “Hey! You were listening? You said you were going out.”

Angel shrugged. “I did. But you were still talking when I got back and, well, vampire hearing and all.”

Buffy sighed, knowing it was useless to argue with him. She resumed walking, picking up the conversation. “I can’t believe he did that either. She’s right, though. It could have been worse.”

“That’s just Willow. Did you expect any different from her?”

“Nah. I wish she’d let me hit him just once, though.” They both chuckled. “You changed the subject.”

“Yes, I did.” He didn’t want to discuss this, didn’t want to think about leaving.

Buffy stopped again, tugging on Angel’s arm so he had to look at her. “Please take her with you. At least then I’d- I’d know you were both okay.”

He sighed. “I’ll talk to her about it. But I’m not going to pressure her. If she says no, then it’s no.”

“Thank you.”

“I mean it. I won’t ask more than once.”

“I know. She’s not going to say no. But thank you for trying.”

He couldn’t help thinking this was a mistake.



The next morning..

Willow cautiously let herself in and looked around the empty apartment, her thoughts racing over the changes her life was about to take. Angel had come to her the night before, knocking softly on her balcony doors. He had brushed away all her attempts to apologize or thank him, then stunned her by inviting her to come to Los Angeles with him. He needed help setting up his new place, and she was just the person for the job. He hadn’t insisted, really, but the offer was persuasive and appealing. Willow was certain that there was more to it than that, that somehow Buffy was involved, but after the events of that evening she couldn’t help being eager for a new start. She had surprised him by agreeing to come with him.

She’d spoken with Xander first thing that day, not divulging too many details but trying to get him to understand why she was leaving so soon. She wasn’t going far, and she would be back for any major baddies. She was just upping the timetable a little. Xander had finally given his blessing; now there was only this one more stop to make.

She dropped her backpack on the floor and wandered into the kitchen, tracing a finger over the tins of imported teas. He was out with Buffy, finalizing plans for graduation, and Willow knew he would not be back for some time. Enough time, she thought, for her to accomplish this one last thing.

Heading upstairs, she unerringly found her way to where he had hidden his diaries. Although she knew deep down it was wrong, she loved to sit and turn page after page of his neat, measured writing and soak in his presence. She didn’t feel right reading them too closely, though she did allow an occasional word or phrase to catch her eye. At some point- probably after he discovered her reading the restricted spell books- he had begun writing many of his entries in Latin. Willow could understand a few words, here and there, but her Latin wasn’t good enough to unlock the mysteries contained in these books, the mystery that was the man who wrote them.

Willow glanced at the clock; time was running out. Sighing, she stood and replaced the books, glancing once more around his room. Everything was neat and in its place; if she closed her eyes and took a deep breath she could smell him, the scent of books and musk. A smile traced her lips. She was about to leave when a sudden urge sent her to his dresser. Barely glancing at the framed photos on top- the Scooby gang over the years-, she pulled out one of the drawers. With a last, furtive glance around the room, she reached in and grabbed one of his t-shirts, holding it to her nose and drowning in his essence.

She opened her eyes, meeting them in the mirror over the dresser. Suddenly she realized what she was doing. Standing in his room- Giles’ room- with his shirt clutched to her face. A blush crept across her cheeks as her eyes widened impossibly. Before she could lose her nerve completely, she fled from the room, still holding the shirt like a lifeline.

Once downstairs and in sight of her backpack, her original mission hit her like a slap. Setting her shoulders in determination, she reached into the pack and pulled out an envelope, stuffing the shirt into its place. ::Surely he won’t miss this one t-shirt, he’s got loads..::

She had lied to Buffy about why she was so upset the night before. Well, she amended, not exactly lied, unless you counted omissions as lies. She had simply left out part of the story about her breakup with Oz. Yes, the wolf had turned her down, in a nice way, but there was more. She closed her eyes, clutching the letter, as she recalled the conversation she and Oz had had in his room.

“Willow, we can’t do this. It’s not right.”

“It is right, Oz. I love you.”

He settled on the bed next to her, gently stroking her cheek. “And I love you too, babe. But it’s not enough.”

“I don’t understand, Oz. I thought things were okay between us.” She pulled the sheet up to her chin, suddenly feeling very exposed.

“It’s not that, Willow. There’s someone else…” He didn’t get to finish his statement.

“What do you mean? There isn’t anyone else. I’m not in love with Xander, I’m in love with you.” Her eyes got big. “Unless you mean there’s someone else for you, in which case you’re right, this is wrong, and I should go..”

Oz grabbed her hand, stilling her. “Willow, listen to me. I know you love me, but I also know that there’s someone you love more. It’s not Xander. You can’t help it, and I came to terms with it a long time ago. I thought that if we were together, I could make you forget him. But I can’t, and now it’s time for you to go to him.”

“I.. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her denial sounded.. off to her ears. Some part of her knew exactly what he was talking about. The quiver in her voice did not go unnoticed.

“Yes, you do. It’s all right, Willow. Think about it.”

She closed her eyes, allowing a small part of her, a part that she pushed away on a daily basis, to open up just a little. Oz was right, there was someone else that she loved, someone she had loved from the moment they met. Willow looked into the eyes of her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend. “Oh, Oz. I can’t. There’s no way it would work out.”

“I think you’d be surprised. Now come on, I’ll wait for you to get dressed, and drive you home.” He held her tightly as she threw herself into his arms, smiling into her hair as she burrowed against his chest.

“I’m so sorry Oz. I do love you.. I’m sorry it couldn’t have worked out.”

“Me too, Willow. I just want you to be happy, and I know he can do that for you.”

She smiled up at him, the tears already beginning. “Thank you, Oz.” He simply smiled back.

He had taken her home, but she felt confined and agitated. After he left she had gone for a walk, thinking about everything that had happened. The tears came in earnest then, and she had momentarily forgotten that she was out, at night, alone, in Sunnydale. Luckily she had been found before anything could happen to her.

::Enough tripping down memory lane, Ms. Rosenberg. Do this or don’t.:: Willow shook herself back into the present. ::Time’s not standing still, here.:: She put the envelope on the end table, leaning it up against the lamp so he would see it when he came in, trying not to notice the shaking of her hands. She stilled the quiet voice in her head that was telling her she was taking the coward’s way out, that she should stay and tell him her feelings face-to-face. The letter would have to be enough. Then, if he didn’t feel the same way, they could just go back to the way things were. She just didn’t think she could stand the look in his eyes if he had to reject her. The ball was in his court now. He could stop her from leaving if he wanted to.

Nodding to herself, she grabbed her backpack and hurried off to get ready for graduation.

****

The door slammed open, revealing the Slayer in full ‘convincing’ mode and well into a rehearsed speech. “I’m telling you, it is a good idea. ::Boy, can’t you men come up with a different line? It’s like you borrow each others’ notes.:: You didn’t see her last night. For god’s sake, she was in the middle of the playground by herself. If he hadn’t been there, hadn’t taken her back to his place, who knows what would have happened?”

“I have already conceded that to you, Buffy. I’m very grateful that Angel found her.” ::Though I’d be more grateful if I’d been the one to find her.:: “She should know better than that, especially so close to the Mayor’s ascension.”

“Yeah, well, she wasn’t thinking too clearly at the time, I think.” Buffy dropped her purse and weapons bag on the end table, catching the lamp just as it threatened to fall and putting it back into place.

“About that, um, why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“No way. If she wants to share that, it’s up to her. I’m not telling.”

“But if it’s something to do with her magic, something I can help with..” ::Admit it, you’re jealous that the vampire got to her first.:: He mentally slapped himself. ::Oh, do shut up.::

“Huh-uh. Nothing to do with that. Trust me, you can’t help out with this one. You’d get all stuttery and flustered and we wouldn’t be able to talk to you for days. I mean, come on, Giles. You’re good with the Watcher stuff but we both know that teenage-girl-angst gives you the wiggins.” Buffy was digging through his weapons chest, tossing out a few final things they needed. He ducked as a hunga munga flew his way.

“I say, watch it with that.”

She had the decency to turn around for a moment and look sheepish. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

Giles pried the axe out of the table and put it in the pile with the other weapons. “As I was saying, I still don’t understand exactly why she would need to go with Angel to LA.”

“And as I was saying, because she needs to get away for a while. She’s going to school there anyway. We’re all gonna miss her, but she’s promised she’ll be back. Geez, would you relax? It’s not like she’s going way away. It’s only a couple hours.” She received a non-committal grunt in reply.

“Fine. That settles it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an ascension to get ready for. And I need to find shoes that go with this ugly maroon gown.” Buffy grabbed up her bags and slammed back out of the apartment.

He didn’t look after her, didn’t even bother chastising her for yet again banging the door shut, too caught up in his own thoughts. He desperately wanted to have a sudden epiphany, to be struck with some perfect plan to keep Willow in town. With him. None was forthcoming, though. He sighed deeply as his thoughts wound themselves around the tiny redheaded hacker cum witch. How he wished she had come to him last night, whatever her problem had been. He knew that all his teen charges viewed him as a closed-off fuddy-duddy, but he cared more deeply for them- for Willow- than they could ever know. A part of him wanted to tell her, but it had never seemed time.

Giles reached up to rub the bridge of his nose. Graduation was here, and Willow would be leaving. If things- whatever they were- had been that bad last night, perhaps Willow did need some time away. He would have to talk to her before she left, though. He couldn’t let her leave without knowing if he stood a chance of having her in his life the way he wanted her to be. He glanced at the clock. There was no time now- after the ascension, then. And maybe in the meantime he could come up with that plan.

Neither of them had noticed the envelope that had slipped behind the table.

*****

Buffy looked around at the devastation the Mayor’s aborted ascension had caused. The school still burned behind her; fire trucks, police cars and ambulances lined the street. Too many wounded to count, and she didn’t even want to begin counting the dead. Something pulled at her; she looked up through a space between the ambulances and saw him. Angel was clearly outlined through the smoke, his shoulders hunched in.. what? Pain? Sadness? Longing? She took a step toward him, but he held up his hand and she knew this was the time. He was leaving her. A smaller shape emerged from the shadows behind him and stood by his side. Buffy squinted at the new figure, then realized she didn’t need to see to know who it was. ::Willow.:: Angel looked down at her, and they exchanged a few words before he put his arm around the redhead. With a last look toward Buffy, Angel stood a little straighter and disappeared into the shadows with his new companion. Buffy said a silent goodbye to the two most beloved people in her life.

A hand on her shoulder startled her out of her reverie. Wiping her tears away quickly before turning around, she was surprised to see Giles standing there. He drew her gently into his arms, comforting her as she allowed the tears to flow again.

“It’s all right, Buffy. Everyone’s okay. I- I haven’t been able to find Willow, though. I saw her just after, talking to Oz, but she seems to have disappeared. Have you seen her? I’d like to, to make sure she’s okay.” ::And perhaps profess my undying love to her in a desperate attempt to keep her in town.::

Buffy looked up at her Watcher, confused. Willow had left without saying goodbye to Giles? That wasn’t like her at all. “Umm, Giles.. Willow’s gone. She left with Angel. They were over there a minute ago..”

She turned to gesture to the now empty spot, missing the pained look that crossed the Watcher’s face. He had steeled his expression by the time she glanced back at him. “Maybe they went to go pick up some stuff. I’m sure she wouldn’t leave without..”

“No, Buffy. It’s all right. They have a long drive ahead of them, probably wanted to get a quick start. I’m sure she’ll.. call when she gets settled. As you said, she’s not going far. She probably didn’t think she needed to officially say goodbye.” His words sounded pathetic even to him. She was gone. There would be no last-minute change of plans. No reason to convince her of his love for her. If she didn’t see the need to say goodbye, certainly she didn’t return his feelings. He suddenly wanted a drink and some alone time very, very badly. Patting Buffy absently on the shoulder, he excused himself and went back to his quiet apartment.

****

7 years later..

Angel sighed as he tossed another dead-end folder onto his desk. He rubbed his eyes in frustration. She’d been gone for four years, and still no word. No idea where she was. He had never given up, though. He looked out the window at the storm raging outside. How appropriate. It fit perfectly with his mood. He sat down with some coffee and, for the umpteenth time in four years, started over. Turning first to his email, he sent news to Sunnydale of the latest failure.

Giles-

Latest lead turned out to be a false one. May have discovered another route to look at. Will contact you with further information.

-A.

He pressed send, then sat back to sip his coffee, watching the rain pouring down. His thoughts turned back to the last time he had seen Willow.

“I don’t want you to go.” His eyes followed the redhead as she stuffed clothes and magical supplies into a duffel bag.

“We’ve been through this. It’s a great opportunity for me to learn. I’ll be back before you know it, a few months tops, and you’ll have an official witchy net girl to help you out.”

He caught her hand, forcing her to stop her almost frantic packing. “I still don’t like it, Willow. Can’t you stay just a little longer? We haven’t even officially celebrated your graduation.” He was looking for any reason to keep her from leaving him, and he didn’t know why. It just didn’t feel right.

She smiled and gently stroked his cheek, sitting down on her bed next to him. “Angel, the mages have been invaluable to us over the past three years. Now that they’ve offered me a chance to be fully initiated into their group, it means access to records and magicks even the Watchers Council hasn’t seen. It’s of the good, on so many levels. I appreciate your concern, and I’ll miss you, but it’s not for long at all.”

“Isn’t there any way I can get in touch with you? What if something happens while you’re gone?”

“Even I don’t know where I’m going. Hence the words secret ritual site, Angel.” She laughed, wanting to put the vampire at ease. “Angel, I’ll be fine. I’ll be back before you know it, and we’ll sit around and laugh about how wigged out you were.”

She was gone the next morning. Four years later, there was still no word.

Even his demon had railed against her leaving, and as Angel reflected on the unusual agreement between soul and monster he decided that hindsight was indeed 20/20. If he had it all to do again, he never would have let her out of his sight.

He almost didn’t hear the bang at his front door. The storm was a bad one for the area; hail, debris and tree limbs had been pelted against the hotel for hours. This noise was different, and managed to catch his attention. It also caught the attention of the others, he noticed as he joined them in the lobby.

“That wasn’t a tree limb, Wesley. I don’t care what you think.”

“Cordelia, I assure you that there is no big bad monster outside trying to break into the hotel. The only monster silly enough to be up on a night like this is sneaking up behind you.”

Cordelia yelped and turned around, fully expecting an attack. She huffed when all she saw was Angel. “That’s so not funny, Wesley. Angel, did you hear that really big bang a minute ago?”

Angel repressed a grin at the former cheerleader’s expense, and turned his attention to the front door. “Yes. I came down to check it out. You stay here, okay?”

Cordelia threw a look at Wesley, as if to say “See, even Angel thinks it’s bad,” but the ex-Watcher wasn’t paying attention.

Angel tried to cautiously open the door, but it was blown in by the wind as soon as he turned the knob. Holding it open only a few inches as best he could, he scanned the area outside the hotel doors. Not seeing anything other than the driving rain, he started to go back inside. As he forced the door shut, a dark object caught his eye. Wiping the rain from his face, he leaned forward just as the bundle moved, revealing red hair and pale skin.

“God! Willow!” Caution forgotten, Angel let the door slam open as he bent down and scooped the girl into his arms. Wesley and Cordelia ran up, trying to get a glimpse of their long-lost friend. Both skidded to a stop as Angel began barking orders.

“Wesley, get the door. Make sure it’s locked, we don’t know if she’s being followed. Cordelia, go to my room and get clean clothes for her; leave them outside the bathroom. Get clean sheets on one of the guest room beds; make sure there are plenty of blankets and turn up the heat. She’s going to need food and something to drink.”

Angel carried the unconscious girl up the stairs two at a time and brought her into his bathroom. Laying her gently on the thick rug on the floor, he turned the bath faucets on and began filling the tub. Throwing open the medicine cabinet, he quickly sifted through the various herbs and oils, pulling out ones he thought would be useful and pouring them into the bathwater. Once the tub was full, he turned back to Willow. He hesitated only a moment before bending to undress her. The rags she was in came apart easily, revealing pale skin covered with scrapes and bruises. Memories of the times he had caressed that skin with his fingers and tongue came unbidden, and he bit back a cry at how abused the once smooth, perfect surface was. Her hair was ragged and cut shorter than he remembered, her eyes sunken and ringed with dark circles. He held her up to finish undressing her, noting with anger and disgust numerous, infected slash marks on her back. And- a tattoo? Willow, his sweet, innocent Willow, had a tattoo? He was focused on getting her into the tub and warmed up; examining the mark would have to wait. Lowering her carefully into the steaming water, Angel reached over and pulled a washcloth down from the towel rack. The only thing that could be heard for the next half hour were the vampire’s soothing words and the splash of water.

She did not regain consciousness at any point while he bathed her, dried her off, spread medicine on her injuries, and dressed her in oversized sweatpants and a t-shirt. He carried her into the guest room and lay her on the bed, pulling the covers up around her. He could not reconcile this battered waif with the girl he had known and loved four years ago. Although she looked a little better now that she was clean, he still didn’t like her coloring or the look of some of the cuts and bruises. He had noticed that the mark on her lower back was more than a tattoo; it was a brand overlaid with tattooed colors-- a dragon coiled in an infinity symbol, with blue and red markings. He made a rough sketch of it for Wesley, and sent him to research its origins. Cordelia had come into the room briefly to leave a tray with tea and hot soup, but had slipped back out when she saw the look on Angel’s face.

Angel sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking Willow’s face gently. “Come on, Willow. Wake up. It’s okay. I’m here. We need to get you to eat something. Can you wake up for me?” Her heartbeat was steady but much slower than Angel liked. He sighed and lay down next to her, curling his body protectively around hers. His unbeating heart, empty since the day she disappeared, flared to life as he reacquainted himself with the feel of her in his arms. Burying his face in her hair, Angel settled in for a long night.

“Please Willow. Please come back to me.”

****

Fire surrounded her, wrapping itself around her body. Her blood ran in rivulets down her back from the whip marks they had inflicted, falling onto the stone floor. Her arms were chained above her and she had long since lost the strength to hold her head up. From somewhere within her, a strength she didn’t know she possessed kept her chanting her protective invocation. When the ground began shaking from heavy footsteps she increased her chants. Willow didn’t dare open her eyes; though the ritual was detailed extensively to her, though she knew the risks and the consequences, she still didn’t think she would be able to watch what was about to happen to her.

As the claws raked across her back, ripping her flesh open, marking her, she screamed.

And bolted upright into the waiting arms of a vampire she despaired of ever seeing again.

****

2 years later..

She pushed another rock into place, huffing as it finally fell where it was supposed to. ::As opposed to my hand, or foot, or other sensitive body part..:: She pulled off her heavy protective leather gloves and tossed them to the ground; reaching into her back pocket, she took out a brightly colored kerchief and mopped at her brow. This was harder than she remembered. Could she be getting out of shape? ::Nah. It’s just as hard as last time. I probably blocked it out, like natural childbirth That’s it; babies wouldn’t be born and rocks wouldn’t be moved if it weren’t for the natural amnesiatic qualities of the human mind.:: The thought brought a smile to her face. It quickly fell, however, when her ears picked up the telltale ‘beep, beep, beep’ of a truck backing up her driveway. She was coming to hate that truck. From the outside it looked innocuous enough, but on the inside it contained a seemingly never-ending supply of these damned rocks. When this was over, that truck was going to suffer a painful, slow demise. Her smile firmly back in place, she turned to the next rock and began rolling it to an open spot.

Angel came to her just after the sun set, eyebrows raising at the disheveled, sweaty woman sitting on top of a large rock. He’d seen the rocks before, was intimately familiar with them in fact, and it was a perpetual puzzle to him how this tiny girl moved rocks that had to top 200 pounds. ::And that’s the small ones.:: She never asked him for help, and always worked during the day so he couldn’t lurk and discover her secret. For the umpteenth time, he vowed to get it out of her someday. He had originally thought she moved them telekinetically- she had certainly progressed far beyond moving pencils- but she insisted that wasn’t the case, that the point of putting together the circle was to do everything by hand.

Coming closer, he allowed himself to inspect her from head to toe. Despite her appearance, her heartbeat and breathing were regular. She had several bumps and bruises- to be expected- and one nasty gash on her arm that had been neatly bandaged, but nothing too serious. He sat on the rock next to her and shook his head when she offered a sip of the beer she was drinking. He did accept a lingering kiss, running his tongue over her bottom lip, tasting the salt of her sweat.

“I thought you don’t drink.” He teased. This was a game to them, a rehearsed conversation they’d had more times than either could count.

“You try shoving around a few of these boulders in this heat and tell me you wouldn’t want a beer afterward. Besides, I’m a big girl now.” Her voice was raspy from the long day of labor, but he could still detect amusement underneath.

“Mmm.” They sat in companionable silence for a while, until he couldn’t put off what was on his mind. “Are we still on for tomorrow?”

She didn’t answer right away. Her heartbeat was the only indication he had that she even heard. It was pounding in his ears now, betraying her calm exterior.

“No more putting it off, is there? We’ve signed a contract and I know that David would never forgive me if I backed out. You’ll still be there, right?”

“I made a promise to a beautiful woman that I would, and I never break those kinds of promises. I’ll be there.” He pulled her to him, placing a tender kiss on the top of her head. She snuggled closer to him, fitting against his side with an ease born of long familiarity.

“Angel, it’s been so long. What if I’m too late? And what about us? Are you sure that…”

“Hush, geselle. We both know it’s time. I’ve only…” He stopped. What to say? He’d only been keeping her for someone else? That he had held her at night, made love to her, taught her about her body and about his, so that she would be ready for the man she really wanted? True, in a sense, but there was so much more to it than that.

He knew that the events of the past years led only one way: to her meeting tomorrow night. He had known even before she did that the time had come. He had had to push her to settle on the date, to make arrangements to move, although he had acquiesced to her wishes and gone ahead to pick out the house. Anyone looking in from the outside would have thought he was happy about the plans. But he loved her so much- more than he thought he would. The years she was gone had taught him that. He wasn’t ready to let her go now; he wanted more time, time to make up for the years they had missed.

When he had first agreed to this arrangement he thought it was going to be easy. Now he was discovering it would be anything but. Buffy had convinced him to take the little witch with him after graduation, and he had honored that request. Though Willow had focused on school and helping the Scoobies any way she could, she still found time for him. They had formed a deep friendship, much to his surprise and delight. She had helped him through the first months away from Sunnydale and the woman he thought was his soul mate, had helped him find meaning and purpose again.

Then the day had come when they found the spell to make his soul permanent, and it had not been Buffy that he had cried with in joy, not Buffy that he had wanted to share that gift with. No, he had taken Willow to his bed that night, and she had given him more than happiness. She had given him her love and her innocence, gifts that he was not worthy of. They had loved each other, but he had known that her heart would never be his. She had made him whole; now it was his turn to do the same for her.

Sighing, he tilted her head up to his and placed a gentle kiss on her lips before she questioned his sudden silence. Leaning back to gaze into her eyes, he brushed stray locks of hair off her forehead and forced a smile.

“Listen to me, geselle. I’ll always be here for you, always love you. And I treasure the time we had together. We won’t be able to continue the way things have been up til now, but at least we will be friends.”

A tear sparkled in her eye that he knew was reflected in his own. Her bottom lip trembled as she reached up to stroke his cheek. “The best of friends, Angel. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know, and I will never let you out of my life.” She ducked her head before he could see the tears that now flowed freely down her face. Grasping at anything to lighten the mood, to make this easier, she let out a wry chuckle. “Besides, no one ever said he’s going to want me. He could be with someone else, or he could laugh at me, and I’d come home tomorrow night dying of mortification and then I’d do something spectacularly stupid, like have Spike turn me before..”

She never finished. Angel crushed her to him and pressed his lips against hers, cutting off the words that stabbed at his heart worse than any stake. Burying his face in her neck, he allowed his own tears to fall. “Never say that, Willow. Never, ever put yourself down like that. He’ll be a fool to not want you, a fool who wouldn’t deserve to have a single moment with you.”

He was rocking her gently, purring and rubbing her back as she cried out her fear. Fear that had been bottled up inside her for the past two years; fear that he – the man who had captured her heart so long ago - wouldn’t want her after what had happened. Fear that, when the time came, she couldn’t make him understand why she had gone through the torture, the anguish. Why she hadn’t come back to see them. No matter how much time passed, not even Angel’s gentle caresses or whispered words of adoration could break through that block. He prayed to every god in the universe that tomorrow would not bring form to her myriad of terrors; he just didn’t know if he could bring her back next time. He held her until their tears dried, finally allowing her to pull away and settle back on her own rock with a whispered ‘thank you.’

She finished her beer in the growing darkness, and motioned for him to help install the low voltage lighting around the rocks. He playfully teased her about actually having a lack of expertise in something; she insisted she only wanted him to feel needed. When he pointed out that he didn’t need the lights to find his way to the circle- after all, he could see in the dark- and could easily leave it up to her to figure out the various wires, she apologized in a grandiose manner and playfully begged his forgiveness. When the lights were arranged to her satisfaction and a late-night dinner had been eaten, they retired to his bed to make love- slowly, tenderly, for the last time. He lay awake long after she was asleep, memorizing the rise and fall of her chest as she dreamed, the soothing lull of her heartbeat, the warmth of her body that he knew he would never experience in this way again, until just before dawn his own sleep claimed him.

****

He pulled the last notes from his guitar, nodding at the appreciative murmurs and applause from the crowd. His set done for the night, he stepped off the stage and headed over to his favorite seat at the bar.

“Evening, Rupert. Nice set you played there. The tip jar filled up after ‘Dust in the Wind.’” The bartender placed Rupert Giles’ cup of tea in front of him next to an envelope with his tip money. Giles smiled at the man and accepted both.

“Thank you, Jim. Still, I’m glad it was a short evening. This weather is wreaking havoc on the old vocal cords.”

“The boss has got a new group comin’ in tonight. With any luck they’ll be good. Not like last week, eh?”

Giles cringed. Every week ‘the boss’ brought in a new group. Invariably it was an experience that nightmares were made of. He even preferred karaoke night to ‘amateur’ night. If he heard one more bad cover of ‘Stairway to Heaven’ he was going to.. well, do something decidedly non-British in nature.

“I might sneak out before my ears can be exposed to another new group, Jim. How long do I have?”

“Oh, about ten minutes. But you may want to stay long enough to get a gander at the singer. Little slip of a thing, she is, and cute.”

Sighing, Rupert allowed Jim to wax poetic over the ‘slip of a thing.’ He had been playing at the coffeehouse for almost nine years now, and in all that time Jim had yet to get the hint that Giles simply didn’t want to be fixed up with anyone. Not Jim’s sister, not Jim’s best friend’s cousin, certainly not the ‘little slip’ of a singer that would undoubtedly be screeching out bad cover songs in the next ten minutes. Giles only wanted to come in, play, make a few extra dollars, and escape the reality of his life for a little while. Still, Giles thought to himself as he sipped his tea, if he had to put up with Jim’s mental meanderings in exchange for all that, he was on the better end of the deal. Giles was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the man sitting down next to him until he spoke.

“That was an excellent rendering of ‘Longer Than.’ You’re quite talented.. I had no idea.”

Giles’ teacup hit the bar, luckily not breaking but spilling tea that Jim was quick to mop up. “A..A… ANGEL?” He sputtered, turning to the vampire he hadn’t seen in several years.

Angel smiled and extended his hand. “Good evening, Giles.”

The former Watcher looked at the proffered hand suspiciously at first, then into the ageless vampire’s eyes. So many memories washed over him in an instant. Giles couldn’t find the anger and hatred within that had once consumed him, but he also couldn’t find complete forgiveness. Accepting Angel’s hand, he cleared his throat.

“Angel. It’s, um, good to see you. It’s been a long time.”

Angel hadn’t expected a warm reception, but was still slightly hurt by the man’s cool response. They had spoken infrequently over the past ten years, conversations filled with awkward silences and terse words. Except for the four years that Willow had been missing, that is. Conversations- when they actually had them- during that period were nothing but accusations and shouting matches. After she had come back, when he had been forced into playing intermediary between L.A. and Sunnydale, Angel had given up on ever repairing his relationship with Giles. He hadn’t even been able to bring himself to visit Giles after Buffy’s death.

“It’s good to see you too, Rupert. You look- different. The jeans suit you.”

He was rewarded with a small smile. “Yes, well, some things have changed since you’ve been gone. Tell me, what brings you back here? Is there a problem in L.A.? Is Cordelia all right? Wesley?”

Angel took a drink of the coffee Jim placed in front of him, avoiding the Watcher’s eyes for the moment. “Everything’s- everyone’s fine. Cordelia and Wesley say hello. I, uh, was asked to come out by a friend and thought I’d stop in here, get a cup of coffee that’s not Cordelia’s.” ::Don’t look at him, Angel. He’ll see right through you, and you’ve promised not to mess this up.:: Luckily, Giles was speaking again.

“Well, you probably aren’t going to want to be here much longer. It’s amateur night, which roughly translates into an hour and a half of caterwauling.” This small talk was safe, easy, Giles thought. Although he had forgiven the vampire some time ago for Angelus’ actions, more recent events – events involving a certain hacker- were harder to overlook. Giles was curious, though. Angel seemed to be hiding something important, something that he wanted to talk about but couldn’t. The Englishman couldn’t help his next thought. ::You want to see if it’s to do with her:: But he stilled that voice quickly. He surprised himself- and the vampire, if the look in his eyes was any indication- with his next words.

“Why don’t we go get something a little stronger to drink and talk?”

Angel was indeed surprised, but hid it quickly for fear Giles would rescind the offer. If Giles were to leave, the plan would fall apart. “Ummm, that sounds good, Giles. We’ll go in a minute, okay? I’d like to finish this coffee, and you never know, maybe the music won’t be so bad.”

Angel hid his expression as Giles simply rolled his eyes. He was saved from trying to make more conversation when the house lights dimmed and the band was introduced.

“The Expresso Pump is pleased to introduce ‘Weeping Trees’ for your listening enjoyment this evening.”

There was scattered, polite applause as the band took the stage. Angel, knowing that this was the moment he’d been in turn anticipating and dreading, turned on his stool so his back and elbows were resting on the bar. Giles didn’t bother turning toward the stage, merely signaling Jim for another cup of tea.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We’re Weeping Trees, and we hope you enjoy our set. We’re going to take you on a little journey down our singer’s memory lane, so just sit back and relax.”

The clear, masculine voice drifted easily over the muted conversations. Giles snorted into his tea. Angel’s eyes closed as the gentle strains of the guitar began. It was time. Giles leaned over to him, still not looking toward the stage and whispered. “Well, at least their guitarist is decent. Maybe it won’t be terrible after all.” Angel nodded, not opening his eyes, and Giles didn’t notice the openly pained look on the older man’s face. The soft, sultry voice of the singer came in then, and no matter how much time had passed there was no mistaking that sound. For the second time that evening Giles spilled tea all over the bar.

Hush now, don’t you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You’re lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game
Of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake, you face the day
The dream is over..
Or has it just begun.

Unknowingly, Giles had reached out and was grasping Angel’s arm hard. He turned toward the stage, toward a girl- no, woman- he hadn’t seen or spoken to- other than very brief, infrequent emails- in six years. A woman he had once given up for dead, or worse. No doubt, that was her. The fire-red hair, brilliant green eyes that he could see even from this distance, porcelain skin, small hands moving confidently over the guitar strings. How many times had he watched those hands turning the ancient pages of a books, flying over computer keys, carving sigils in the air during spellcasting, imagined them tracing patterns over his skin.

“Oh my god, Angel. It can’t be her. Can’t be. Angel- is it true?”

Angel didn’t flinch at the grip Giles had on his arm. “Yes, Giles. It’s her.”

Giles made a sound almost like a whimper. He longed to run up to the stage, to grab the woman sitting there and shake her for scaring him witless those years ago, for leaving him, for not contacting any of them after she’d come back, for thinking one-line emails would be enough explanation. He wanted to grab her and hold her and never let her go. He wanted to bury his face in her hair and tell her what he’d been hiding since the day they met. But he couldn’t get his body to respond. He could merely whisper her name.

“Oh, Willow..”

…I will be watching over you
I am gonna help you see it through
I will protect you in the night
I’m smiling next to you
In silent lucidity.
If you open your mind for me
You won’t rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumbling down and a new world will begin
Living twice at once you learn
You’re safe from pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly…
I will be watching over you
I am gonna help you see it through
I will protect you in the night
I’m smiling next to you..

Willow and her bandmate played the final guitar chords amidst a silence that the Expresso Pump rarely saw. The silence held for a moment after the notes had died away, then enthusiastic applause started from somewhere and grew to a mild roar. Willow blushed. She could feel Angel in the room, most likely sitting over at the bar. But she was hesitant to let her eyes roam over the other patrons, not wanting to search for the man she needed to be there, fearing that he wasn’t. She acknowledged the applause then signaled to David that she was ready for the next song.

Giles was still digging his fingers into Angel’s arm, and the vampire had made no attempt to remove him. His eyes were glued to the stage. He could hear Willow talking, caught words about ‘friends long gone’ and how their set was dedicated to those friends, that each song was for them. But his brain couldn’t move past the fact that Willow- Willow- was sitting up there on stage, a guitar slung over her shoulder, singing like a nightingale. She wasn’t dead. She wasn’t missing. She wasn’t a vampire. She was alive, and here. And beautiful. Gods, she was beautiful.

Some rational part of his brain was still activated, and it pushed one thought to the forefront of his mind. ::Willow said each song was for a person from her past. I wonder if I can tell- I wonder if there’s one for me?:: Giles found himself concentrating more on the song lyrics as Willow fired up into an impressive cover of Alanis Morissette.

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

::Her parents. It has to be. She never felt good enough for them::

How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud

::Willow. Dear, sweet Willow. I was always proud of you. Your friends loved you so much. You were perfect in their eyes, in my eyes, no matter what. Why couldn’t you talk to me after…? Hush, man. Just listen to her.::

Giles sat speechless through much of the set. During a brief break for Willow to switch instruments, he finally regained some ability to speak. Much to Angel’s annoyance the ex-Watcher began to babble.

“I can’t believe she’s really here, Angel. After all this time. Did you bring her? Does she want to talk to me? Should try to catch her after her set? I wonder how long she’s in town for. Maybe I should let her settle in, let her come to me instead of scaring her off..”

“Giles!” Angel finally hissed in exasperation, startling the man next to him. “Shush. This is my favorite song.”

Giles turned back to the stage where Willow was swaying in front of the microphone to a slow, steady beat. He almost couldn’t stop his body’s reaction to her. She was so sensual. His breath caught in his throat at the sight. ::Great, you dirty old man. Haven’t seen the girl in six years and here’s how you react. ‘Hi Willow, nice to see you, been a long time, how’ve you been, I love you, don’t suppose you’d like to go to bed now?’ That’s class, Rupert.::

I'm alone, yeah, I don't know if I can face the night
I'm in tears, and the cryin' that I do is for you
I want your love, let's break the walls between us
Don't make it tough, I'll put away my pride
Enough's enough, I've suffered and I've seen the light

He ran through the lyrics in his head; it sounded familiar. Ah yes, ‘Angel.’ How fitting that this would be the vampire’s favorite song.

You're my Angel, come and save me tonight
You're my Angel, come and make it aright
You're my Angel, come and save me tonight
Don't know what I'm gonna do about this feelin' inside
Yes, it's true, loneliness took me for a ride
Without your love, I'm nothing but a beggar
Without your love, a dog without a bone
::Now, that’s not exactly the kind of relationship you thought they had, is it Rupert?:: He stole a glance at the vampire sitting next to him. ::What’s been going on between the two of them?::

The set seemed to last forever to Giles. Although he was thoroughly enjoying the music, and Willow had a beautiful voice, he wanted it to be over so he could finally talk to her. Or try, anyway. Then he heard the words he’d been praying for.

“This will be our last song for the evening. We hope you’ve had as much fun as we have. Thank you for being such a great audience.”

Willow moved to the piano as David began the final song. Giles couldn’t help noticing the way he gazed at Willow as he sang, putting particular meaning behind the words. He felt his face grow hot as he recognized the unadorned look of love on the boy’s face. ::Of course. This makes much more sense. They must be lovers. See how he looks at her. You silly, sad old man. What did you think was going to happen? It’s been six years since you’ve even laid eyes on each other. Did you think all this time she was just sitting around, waiting for you to pull your head out of your arse long enough to tell her how you really felt?::

Chances are you’ll find me
Somewhere on your road tonight
Seems I always end up driving by
Ever since I’ve known you it just seems you’re on the way
All the rules of logic don’t apply
I long to see you in the night
Be with you til morning light

Willow had been playing the piano accompaniment, again swaying gently with the music, eyes closed as David sang his part of the duet. Now it was her turn; she opened her eyes, and Giles gasped as they focused across the room and directly on him, green on green. She knew he was there, she was singing to him; there was no doubt in his mind.

I remember clearly how you looked the night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me feel so at ease
I remember all your grace and style
And now you’re all I long to see
You’ve come to mean so much to me

Was that a little laugh he heard on ‘style’? Maybe a reference to his tweed days? Was this song really for him? Giles leaned forward on his seat, concentrating on the words, trying to divine her message.

Chances are I’ll see you somewhere in my dreams tonight
You’ll be smiling like the night we met
Chances are I’ll hold you and I’ll offer all I have
You’re the only one I can’t forget
Baby, you’re the best I’ve ever met

::Seeing me in her dreams? Holding me?:: Giles couldn’t stop his rapid-fire thoughts. He prayed that she was talking to him, talking about him.

And I’ll be dreaming of the future darling
And hoping you’ll be by my side
And in the morning I’ll be longing for the night
For the night
Chances are I’ll see you somewhere in my dreams tonight
You’ll be smiling like the night we met
Chances are I’ll hold you and I’ll offer all I have
You’re the only one I can’t forget
Baby you’re the best I’ve ever met.

Giles closed his eyes as the chords faded away. When he opened them again, he was shocked and dismayed to find the stage empty. The Pump’s clientele had stood as one body at the end of the song and were applauding madly, and Giles could not see through them to where Willow had gone. Frantically turning to the vampire next to him, Giles’ eyes beseeched Angel to help him. Angel took the Watcher by the arm and led him outside to where a van waited in the parking lot. Giles walked toward it, but Angel held him back for a moment.

“Giles. Stop. I need to talk to you.”

“But Angel.. Willow! She’s so close. Let me go.” Angel only tightened his hold on Giles’ arm.

“Not just yet, Giles. You need to hear this. Willow is not the same person who left here ten years ago. .”

“I realize that, Angel. I just want to talk to her. I just want to know what..”

Angel could barely contain his growl. Shaking Giles just a little, he regained the Watcher’s attention. “She’s been hurt, Giles. Badly hurt. You’ll have to get the whole story from her. I’ve promised her that. What I do know is it took a long time to bring her back after what happened, and I need to be sure that it’s not going to happen again. She means too much to me.”

Giles waged an inner battle. He wanted to throw off the vampire and run to the van, but something told him that there was something here that he needed to do first. Pulling himself up to his full height, he gazed directly into the vampire’s eyes.

“Angel, I assure you that when it comes to Willow, I will do everything in my power to ensure that she is not hurt. Not by me, or anyone else, not while I have breath and life yet in this body. Please, let me go to her.”

Giles couldn’t begin to identify the emotions that washed over Angel’s face, but the result was an uneasy acceptance. Giles found his arm free, and immediately turned away from the vampire, not hearing his parting words.

“Love her enough for the both of us, Giles.” With that, Angel disappeared into the shadows.

****

With no small amount of trepidation, Giles knocked on the sliding door of the van. It opened suddenly, and Giles was faced with Willow’s friend David. Not sure how to approach the boy, Giles decided that the direct route would be best.

“Um, yes. Good evening. I am an old friend of Willow’s, I was wondering if..”

David cut him off with a wave of his hand. “I know who you are, Mr. Giles. Willow isn’t here.” An envelope was being pushed into Giles’ hands. “She left this for you. Said you’d know what to do.”

“Oh, well, I..”

Again, David interrupted. “Whatever. Listen, I don’t know you, but I know Willow. I’ve seen how she gets when she talks about you, which is just about all the time. She can’t see what’s two feet in front of her because of you. If I find out you’ve taken advantage of that, or that you’ve hurt her, you’ll have more to worry about than a pissed-off vampire.” With that David slammed the door, leaving a very befuddled Giles standing in an emptying parking lot with a mysterious envelope in his hands.

::Everyone seems to know what’s happened except me. Why are they so concerned that I’m going to hurt Willow?::

He ripped open the flap, emptying the contents into his palm. There was a note, and a necklace that gave off magical energy in waves. ::What have you been doing, Willow?:: He held up the necklace, an ordinary-looking dragon’s claw that could be found at any New Age shop. But the stone clasped in the claw glowed with barely contained power, and there was no way that this was in an ordinary charm. He decided to read the note first; no such thing as being too paranoid on the Hellmouth.

Giles-

With any luck my plan has unfolded as it was supposed to, and this letter will find its way into your hands. I hope you aren’t too angry with me, because if you’re really angry you may not read this at all, and then it wouldn’t matter if you got it or not..

And I’m babbling. Old habits die hard, I think.

I do hope you aren’t very angry with me. I left so long ago, and after a while it became easier to stay away than it would have been to come back and face you, face explaining to everyone what had happened. I can’t let myself think too much about that, or I’ll get all broody like Angel, and then he’ll think I’m trying to steal his title of King of Brood only I’d be Queen of Brood, ‘cause, you know, female and all...

Babbling again. I thought writing this would be easier. I think I was wrong.

You’re probably wondering about the necklace. It’s not cursed, honest. Putting it on places you under my protection. You can go anywhere in Sunnydale and not have to worry about things that go bump. This will be important, because I have a favor to ask of you.

You were there tonight for my musical trip down memory lane. Now I’d like to take you on a trip of your own. If you’re willing, that is. It’s a little different, but I hope that you’ll see what I’m trying to do. There will be clues to guide you on your way. And at the end will be answers. Maybe even answers to questions you didn’t know you asked.

I’ll be waiting for you.

-Willow

Giles looked again at the necklace, and back at the note. He didn’t need to think about his decision; without hesitation he tied the leather cord around his neck. The claw lay warm against his skin; not hot enough to be unpleasant, but enough to remind him it was there. He glanced back at the piece of paper in his hand and noticed a post script he’d overlooked.

P.S.: Your first stop is where we met. –W.

Giles smiled. That was easy enough. The high school library. It had been rebuilt a few years after he’d blown it up, and he still volunteered there part-time. With the lyrics of the last song Willow had played running through his head, he turned and headed toward the road that would take him to the library.

****

Giles let himself into the remodeled library, not bothering to turn on the overhead lights. The emergency lights were enough for him to see by, and he liked the shadowed, secretive feel. He walked past the checkout counter, past his old office, and came to the very spot where he and Willow had met. There was a balloon tethered to a chair, with a note on it; one word- Remember? ::Oh yes, I remember.:: He closed his eyes and allowed the memory to wash over him.

She was young, no more than fifteen. Long, fire-red hair and the most expressive eyes he’d ever seen. She was shy, hesitant, dressed in fluffy, baggy clothes, but even then he could see how beautiful she was. And smart. So eager to help him shelve the books he’d brought. Not suspecting for a moment that he was anything but what he said he was.

Giles sighed at the memory. He couldn’t know back then how hard he would fall for the red-head. He’d instantly felt drawn to her, but over the years it grew into a love that scared him in its intensity.

He rested his hand on the wall she had appeared through that Halloween, in that outfit. ::Thank god she didn’t notice me looking at her, umm, well. Assets.:: That memory brought back a vision of ‘Vamp Willow.’ When he discovered Willow was alive, he had grabbed her in relief. Pulling her into his arms had become a need by that point, one way he could quiet his desire toward her, and after all the time they had spent together she had never balked at his touching her. Willow had been mortified at her double, but he had been so turned on it was difficult to walk. ::Look at those, indeed.::

Giles sat down at the desk that had replaced her computer spot. It had never felt the same, even though the style was identical. Reaching far under the desk, his fingers found a small carving in the corner of the otherwise unblemished wood. He traced it by memory; an intricate WR that he had done one evening while sitting alone in the empty room. A little reminder of her. A little way for her presence to remain in this place, though she was gone. How many hours had he spent here after she had disappeared, tracing those letters as if they could somehow bring her back?

Shaking his head, he stood and reached for the balloon. There was a pin attached to the note; the popping sound as he inserted it into the mylar echoed throughout the empty room. He bent over to pick up the note that had drifted to the floor.

Hiding from the pack…

That took even less time to figure out. He left the library and headed to an empty classroom.

Running, afraid, she had come to him and he had pulled her into his arms. There and then he had decided he would face danger every minute of the day if it meant holding her like this. So soft, so warm, smelling of soap and strawberry shampoo, her heart pounding against his chest…

He was anxious to get to the end of this exercise, already having an idea of what was waiting for him. But a part of him enjoyed that anticipation, enjoyed the calm that came over him as he recalled the amazing young woman he had fallen in love with. He idly wondered if that had been her intention.

Another balloon, another pin, another note once the balloon was popped.

Home when things go wrong

That was a little harder to figure out. Giles sat on a desk and went over places in his head. Snapping his fingers, he stood and walked out of the room. As he headed out of the building, he had to descend the staircase they had rolled down during the ghost incident. Pausing briefly at this unbidden vision, his hands tingled as he remembered running them down her arms, checking for wounds, reassuring himself that she was still with him. He smiled and headed out into the darkness.

He couldn’t hide the smirk on his face, or the chuckle that came from deep in his chest. He had been right. There, just outside the door of the hospital emergency room, was another balloon. He sat down on the bench it was tied to, thinking of all the time he and the Scoobies had spent in this place. ::Still spend, Rupert old boy.::

She lay in the bed, pale against the harsh whiteness of the sheets and unforgiving fluorescent lights. The machines around her dwarfed her small frame. He was focused on the steady beeping that indicated her heartbeat. Stay with us, Willow, please. There’s so much I need to tell you; you have so much more living to do, hon. Please come back to us. She had proven stronger than any of them thought, waking from her coma and performing the restoration spell from her hospital bed. Why hadn’t he told her then?

Not able to answer, Giles popped the balloon.

***

meanwhile, across town…

“Do you think he’ll come, Angel?”

Willow was pacing nervously, pausing occasionally to stroke the head of one of her Guardians, who would purr in response. The guardians had been with her since she completed her training, and she was grateful for their continued presence and protection. She would need them now that she had returned to her home town. At that point, however, Willow was even more grateful that Angel had agreed to return after speaking with Giles. She was nervous and needed his reassuring presence; he would keep her from turning tail and running away.

“I know he’ll come, Willow. He was very anxious to see you. He’s always cared for you, I’m sure the past ten years have been difficult for him.”

Angel was reclining against a rock with the other Guardian’s head in his lap. It had taken some time for the Guardians to accept him, not sure what role he played in their scheme of things; Angel had felt much the same way, since they were a constant reminder of what Willow had gone through. Each had eventually proven their worth and trustworthiness to the other, and over time a friendship had built. Angel tickled it behind the ears for a moment before rubbing its head affectionately and exchanging playful purrs.

“He wants to know what happened. Are you ready for that?”

Willow sighed. “Yes. It’s going to be hard. Even after all this time I hate the thought that he might be disappointed in me. I didn’t exactly listen to him, even after I found out what had happened with Eyghon. But if we’re going to start with a clean slate, I owe him that.”

“Will you tell him about us?”

Willow’s head came up at the hint of sadness in Angel’s voice. “Of course I will. He’s Giles, Angel. Known for the Watchery powers of observation. I don’t think that he’ll believe I live in this big old shuttered house alone. How on earth would I pay for such a thing? But I..” She paused, as if considering the question for the first time. “Why wouldn’t I tell him?”

Looking over at him, she didn’t need him to answer the question. She had her demons just as Angel had his- though hers were more figurative- and his insecurity over Angelus still waxed and waned. Angel was purposely not looking at her; as a result he didn’t see her cross swiftly to him until she was right in front of him, grabbing his head in both hands.

“Angel, the only good thing about the past ten years- the only thing that has kept me going- has been us. I wouldn’t trade a moment of that, not for anything. You know why we can’t be together; the Powers saw to that. But I still love you. I’ll always, always love you. And I don’t regret one second of what we had.” There was no denying the vehemence in her voice, or the fire that burned in her eyes.

Angel stood, pulling her into his arms. “I love you too, dulcissime. And I’m sorry I’m being silly.” He chuckled. “Watchery powers of observation, huh? I’d love to be a fly on the wall when you tell Giles who you live with.”

Willow laughed with him, still pressing her face to his chest. “I think that will be the least of his concerns tonight, Angel. My parents sold the house years ago; I had to move somewhere. And think of the benefits of the situation. Who else offers a great library, a veritable font of demony information, 24 hour protection, and all the Latin lessons I can stand?”

His laughter rumbled through his chest, hiding his concern from her. “Glad to see I can still be useful.” She was babbling; he could tell she was barely containing her fear. She wanted him to stay, just a little longer, and this was the only way she knew how to keep him there.

“Tell me something. What happened to geselle, Angel?” Her tone was light, teasing, but there was an underlying sadness to it as well. She knew why, but wanted to hear it from his lips.

He tilted her head up so she was gazing into his deep brown eyes, and moved one hand to stroke her hair. “I think you know, Willow. You are no longer that for me. It wouldn’t be appropriate.”

This was so hard for him, she could see it in his face. She didn’t mean to make it even more difficult. “Dulcissime is nice. I like it.”

“Good. Dulcissime you shall be.” He gently extricated himself from her embrace and stood back. “Now, no more stalling.” She blushed as he chastised her. He could read her so well. “I think I’ll head out. I don’t want to interrupt your reunion. Spike’s expecting me to camp out at his place tonight.”

He bent to pet the Guardian who had been unceremoniously dumped from his lap when he stood to hug Willow, effectively hiding his true thoughts. ::And I don’t want to be anywhere around if things heat up between the two of you. I just can’t handle that right now.:: Ducking his head to brush a kiss over Willow’s cheek, he whispered “You’ll be fine. You’re a strong, beautiful woman and you’ll do just fine.” Then he was turning away, calling to the Guardians to follow him.

“Come on, guard-boys. Time to earn your keep. Let’s get you set up at the perimeter.” And he was gone.

****

The notes led him all over town, and at each stop the memories came unbidden. His apartment, which seemed so empty now..

She had fallen asleep again next to her computer, her brow unwrinkled, a small smile on her lips. He sat across from her, memorizing yet again the smooth curve of her cheek, the arch of her brow, the way her nose would twitch slightly. He chuckled as he remembered the first time he had woken her from one of these naps. ‘Don’t warn the tadpoles’ she had whimpered. He never woke her now, preferring to watch over her instead. He stood and gathered the afghan he reserved just for her, wrapping it carefully around her shoulders. The afghan smelled of her; in his lonelier, more vulnerable moments he would gather it into his arms, pressing his face into it, and allow her scent to wash over him.

So many memories from this place. The numerous concussions he had; she always stayed with him, providing ice packs, tea, and conversation. The first time she discovered his television set. Why had he been so anxious to keep that hidden from her? His heart constricted as he remembered their argument at Thanksgiving, when she had come home from L.A. to help them. ::She called me ‘Unfeeling Guy.’ How I wanted to show her she was wrong, that I feel more deeply than she could imagine.:: He sighed. ::Time to go on, Rupert.::

On to the Bronze, closed now. He pressed his hand against the boarded-up doorway.

‘Is that.. what is she doing?’ ‘Seizing the moment.’ She moved so gracefully when the others could convince her to dance. More often than not she chose to watch; watch her friends dance, watch Oz play. Removing herself, relegating herself to the role of the outsider. He loved the moments she allowed herself to be uninhibited, allowed the music to take her over..

The magic shop, his magic shop, where he always sent her to get supplies. He smiled as he stood outside the door. ::Does she know who owns the store? Would that please her?::

The picnic bench in the park where they had all gathered on that beautiful summer day. The children, no longer really children, had played games and laughed for hours. Giles had wished that time would stop, that they would always be so happy and innocent.

So many memories. Some good, some bad, but all of Willow.

Until this last stop.

He stood in the cemetery, staring at the stone marker. Reading the inscription over and over. ‘She saved the world a lot.’ Yes, indeed she had. There were new flowers in the vase; the small card read simply ‘My friend, my heroine.’ No balloon here, rather an envelope leaning against the bottom of the marker.

He picked it up but did not open it.

Sitting next to the grave, he greeted the girl who had been his beloved daughter.

“Hello, Buffy.”

Silence, as always. For a long time that silence had hurt more than her death had. The loss of her voice, always contrary, always questioning, had been so hard. He had slowly come to accept the silence, though it always shocked him.

“Oh, Buffy, you’ll never believe who’s here. Of course, you probably already know. It’s Willow, Buffy. She’s come home. And she’s so amazing. I haven’t talked to her yet, but she’s so beautiful and talented. You’d be proud of her, Buffy. So very proud. I wish you could be here so you could see her. She’s left a note for me. Should I open it? I’m almost afraid to read it. She left us, and I never let on how much that hurt.”

His fingers traced the letters absently on the headstone, finally admitting things out loud that he’d barely begun to admit to himself.

“I was so angry with her. I thought she should have been able to tell how I felt, that I should have at least meant that much to her. But I love her so much, Buffy. I always have. Even her leaving didn’t make me stop loving her; no matter how angry I’ve been, I still love her. Can I tell her that now? Would it be alright? I want to tell her. It wouldn’t even matter if she didn’t feel the same way; she needs to know.” Tears had begun to slip down Giles’ cheek, and he wiped them away as he regarded the envelope. Taking a deep breath, he opened it.

226 Downey Ave

He didn’t recognize the address, but knew where the street was. Standing and brushing grass off his jeans, he kissed his fingers and pressed them to the stone.

“She’s waiting for me, Buffy. I have to go. How about loaning me a little of your courage for a while, hmmm? I think it’s time.”

****

He came to the driveway of 226 Downey Avenue and paused. The neighborhood was upscale; large houses sat back from the road amidst old trees. He couldn’t see Willow’s house from where he stood. Slipping his hands into his pockets, he stepped onto the property.

And stopped almost immediately when he heard a low growling coming from each side of the driveway. Cursing his lack of a stake, he pulled a small bottle of holy water out of his pocket and backed up, staring intently at the trees. Had he not been looking so closely, he would have missed the twin shadows that detached themselves from the trunks. As the shadows moved nearer to the light he was standing in, Giles had to blink in amazement. ::Surely that couldn’t be.::

But it was. Two dragons stalked toward him, growling low in their throats. He should have expected some kind of perimeter defense system- after all, Willow was well aware of what went on in Sunnydale- but this? ::She has guardian dragons? My god, how powerful has she become?:: Wracking his brain for anything to do with dragons, Giles instantly adopted a submissive pose, holding his hands out to his sides and lowering his eyes. He desperately wanted to look at the creatures, to catalogue their every nuance for later analysis, but he knew that direct eye contact would be seen as a threat. One dragon slid around behind him while the other inspected him from the front. He could feel their hot, fetid breath on his body as he was evaluated, and barely managed to suppress a shudder as the bigger creature in front of him placed one long, taloned foot on his chest. Raising itself up, the dragon sniffed at the necklace Giles wore. Satisfied, it grunted and turned away. Giles didn’t move as the dragon disappeared back into the shadows of the driveway; he was suddenly nudged hard from behind and barely caught himself from landing face first on the sidewalk. Turning, he noticed the second dragon still standing behind him, looking up almost expectantly.

“Oh, yes, well. This way, then?” ::I take it I passed. Good thing, that.:: Giles followed the first dragon up the long, winding drive to the house. He stopped and gazed at it in awe. It was a huge Victorian style house, complete with turrets. Ivy climbed one side, mixed in with lilac and rose bushes. ::Most impressive. I imagine it’s beautiful on the inside:: He felt another hard nudge from behind. Looking around, he noticed a small path leading back behind the house.

“Is that where you want me to go?” Another nudge, not as hard. “Right.”

The path wound through a small patch of woods before opening into a clearing, where a sight greeted him that quite simply took his breath away.

Willow had created an immense stone circle, at least 35 feet across. The rocks marking the four quarters were monoliths, well over 10 feet tall and carved with runes. An altar stood in front of the north stone, covered with representations of the Gods, Goddesses, and elements, a myriad of candles, and magical tools. Low-voltage lighting, hidden amongst the rocks, lent the circle a golden cast except for the colored lights at the quarters- green for north, yellow for east, red for south, and blue for west. The ritual space was the most intricate and beautiful he’d ever seen, and practically screamed Willow.

Standing in the middle of the circle was Willow herself, dressed in a simple white cotton shift that hung to her ankles but scooped deliciously low in front. If he dared to look, he could see the outline of her body under the sheer fabric. Her short red hair caught the light, and the result was positively ethereal. Giles’ mouth moved, but no sound would come out.

She stepped toward him, and motioned for him to approach the entrance of the circle. As he stood at the threshold, he could feel Willow’s powerful magic pressing against him, keeping him from crossing the simple rock step until she allowed him to. ::Now I know how Angel and Spike feel.:: Quickly pushing the thought from his mind, he gazed down at the woman in front of him. ::So beautiful.:: He wanted nothing more than to touch her, but the rules of pagan conduct restricted him- or any part of him- from entering her ritual space without her approval. He couldn’t even reach out to her.

“Willow, I..”

She held up a small hand, shushing him, knowing what he needed. Placing the hand on his chest, she whispered the beginning of his invitation. “How do you come here, my lord?”

Giles’ heart constricted when she touched him, her quiet words shooting straight through to his soul. “In perfect love and perfect trust, my lady.” His response just as quiet, just as tentative.

She dipped a finger into the bowl set on the rock beside the entrance, tracing the pentagram on his forehead in fragrant oil before stepping back. “You are welcome here. Please enter.”

Stepping across the threshold was like immersing himself in a hot bath. The magical energy surrounded him, caressed him, examined him as the Guardians had done earlier. Giles closed his eyes as the gentle touch filled him with a peace he hadn’t known in some time. When he opened his eyes again, Willow was standing in front of him with a small smile dancing across her lips, lighting up her eyes in a way that had haunted his dreams.

The scene was so calming, in fact, that he almost forgot he was furious with her.

“Giles. I’ve missed you.”

That reminded him, in sharp relief. He looked at her, amazement crossing his features. He bit back his first scathing reply, but couldn’t stop the anger from pouring forth. If he’d had his glasses he’d be polishing them frantically.

“Missed me? Indeed, Willow. Let’s see how much you missed me. You left after graduation without so much as a formal goodbye. Only a few hours away, but you couldn’t seem to find much time for us here. I do remember your graduation from UCLA- you were kind enough to extend an invitation for that. Top in your class, too. And then an email note, to the effect that you were going to study with some mages you’d met. Then nothing. Nothing, Willow, for four damn years.”

He couldn’t stop his voice from raising, his body from pacing jerkily in front of her, earning him a low growl from the dragons standing guard at the threshold. “We looked everywhere. The others, they gave up. I could see it in their eyes, though nothing was ever said. They’d given up, and mourned you. I never gave up, Willow. Never. Then you re-appear, and all I get is another email. ‘Oh, everything’s fine now, so sorry to disappear like that. No, don’t want to discuss it. See you soon!’ Have I mentioned how bloody much I HATE EMAILS? I hate them, Willow.”

“That’s not fair, Giles. Please…”

“Not fair? I’m not being fair? What is fair, Willow? Tell me. Is fair wondering for four years whether one of the most important people in your life is dead? Is fair suddenly showing back up but only dropping terse little emails every now and then?”

“I needed time, Giles. I needed to heal. Please…”

“I needed you, Willow. I needed to see for myself if you were all right. You took that choice away from me. You and Angel. I would have given you the time, Willow. I wouldn’t have pushed you. I just wanted to see you. I wanted something a little more personal than an electronic assurance.” He sat heavily on the soft grass, his head dropping into his hands, spent. “I thought I at least deserved that, Willow. After everything.” He was mumbling now; Willow had to strain to hear him. He had switched to Latin, just like he had in his diaries, as he withdrew from her physically and emotionally.

“Fortune plango vulnera, quod sua michi munera subtrahit rebellis.”

Willow sighed, sinking to her knees next to him. She wanted to make him understand; it pained her terribly to see him so upset because of her. Reaching out carefully, she placed a hand on his thigh. “Sum presentialiter absens in remota.”

He raised his head to look into her eyes, unshed tears making them shine brightly in the light. He didn’t seem surprised that she had easily translated his words, or that she had responded in kind. “You don’t understand, do you, Willow? I don’t want you away from me. I never did. Mihi cordis gravitas res videtur gravis. You make it easier, Willow. Always have.”

They regarded each other for what seemed an eternity, both unsure of how to proceed. Giles wrestled with conflicting urges; he wanted to hold her, comfort her, but he was still so very angry and disappointed. Part of him thought that no explanation she could provide would be enough to make up for the things that had happened. But she was still his Willow, even after all this time. Still so vulnerable. He could see the pain in her eyes, and for a moment his love for her won out.

Giles held his arms out toward her, inviting her into his embrace. She didn’t hesitate, closing the distance between them, burrowing into his strong arms, pressing her cheek against his chest and wrapping her arms tightly around him.

Burying his face in her hair as he’d done those many years ago, he breathed in her essence. Pure, sweet, Willow, unadulterated by his faulty dreams and memories. Better than he remembered. Lavender, sandalwood, and something that was so completely her. So caught up in the sensation of holding her, he didn’t even realize he’d been speaking, didn’t hear at first the words that tumbled easily, unconsciously from his lips.

“Darling, dear heart, my lovely Willow. How I’ve missed you.”

She was crying, shaking in his arms. He held her close, rocking her slightly, not wanting the moment to end, wanting to soothe her, wanting this to erase every painful moment of the past seven years. Her sobs finally lessened, and she pulled back just enough to look up into his eyes, caressing his cheek softly.

“Oh, Giles. I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”

He caught her hand in his, stopping himself just before he could kiss her palm. Instead he settled for entwining his fingers with hers. Had he really been so angry with her? “Willow, if anything it’s I who should be apologizing. I don’t know why I said those things. It was wrong. And it was I who failed you. If I’d been a better friend, you could have come to me, could have told me what was happening..”

She laughed then, catching him off guard. Pulling out of his arms, she hugged herself and sat back on her heels. “I had so many ideas of how this would turn out, but I have to admit I never thought you’d be apologizing to me. Don’t apologize, Giles. Please.” He tried to speak, but she waved him off. “There’s so much you need to know. Will you stay with me, just for a little while? I’d like to explain everything.”

::Stay with her? I’d follow her to the ends of the earth if she but asked me to.:: Giles nodded and sat more comfortably, settling cross legged on the soft grass. She sat across from him and locked her fingers together, taking a deep breath before beginning.

“I never intended to I stay away for so long. I thought I’d go to UCLA, and as soon as I was finished I’d come back here, continue helping out with demony-type stuff- things would be the way they used to be. But it didn’t quite work out the way I’d planned.”

She snorted. “And that’s the understatement of the century.” Shaking her head, she continued.

“You know, we never talked about it, but I think it was Buffy that asked Angel to take me with him to Los Angeles. He didn’t want to at first, I’m sure of that. She won out in the end, just like she always did. When school started I couldn’t help him out as much as before, but by then he had Cordy and Wesley.” She sighed, clearly fighting back tears. Giles reached out and put his hand over hers, lending her his quiet strength, willing her to go on.

“One day, it was almost a year after I had left, I found a spell that would anchor Angel’s soul. We- you and I- we hadn’t been getting along very well.” She ducked her head in embarrassment as she remembered the increasingly hurtful things she’d said to him. “I couldn’t ask you for help, and I knew you wouldn’t want me to try such advanced magic. But I convinced Angel I could do it on my own, and he agreed to let me perform the spell.”

Giles had to take several deep breaths before he felt he could respond to her. The anger that had been pushed away earlier was sneaking back, tickling the edges of his awareness. “You anchored Angel’s soul? Even though you knew how dangerous it was, what could happen to you if something went wrong? I know we weren’t close back then, Willow, but to undertake such a complex spell without backup..”

“That’s just it, Giles. I thought if I could do it on my own, that it would prove I was ready to learn more. I wanted to learn, Giles.”

“I never doubted your ability, Willow. You have always had power. I simply didn’t want you to make the same..”

“Mistakes you did. I know, Giles. Can we agree to disagree on this for right now? ” He nodded, rather unconvincingly she thought, but she continued her story.

“I was very weak after the spell was cast. Angel stayed with me, to make sure I was all right. We had become close, better friends than I’d expected, and we’d talked a lot before we did the spell. He’d decided that he didn’t want to go back to Buffy. He said it was too late for them now, that his time in Hell and away from her had convinced him that they weren’t meant to be. I think at that point she was with Riley anyway, and even though it hurt him at first, Angel wanted that to work out for her. We- I don’t know exactly why, at first, other than the fact that we were both so lonely- we became lovers.”

Now she needed to stop, to let her thoughts catch up with her. Giles was silent, his face unreadable. “So much was going on at that point; Buffy’s mom, Dawn, the thing with Adam, that Angel thought it would be better if he waited to tell Buffy about his soul. It made sense at the time; Buffy was dealing with so many other things, she was trying so hard to have a normal life, and he was afraid she would somehow feel obligated to work things out between them if she knew. He didn’t want her to feel that way. There were so many times when I wanted to just pick up the phone, call Buffy or Xander or you, but being with Angel made it harder. I thought Buffy would blame me, would think that I’d stolen him away on purpose. I didn’t think she would understand or accept why we hadn’t told her right away. We both know how Xander felt- feels- about Angel. He’d never let me live it down. And I, I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

Giles tried to make his question sound nonchalant. “Do you love him, Willow?” He dreaded the answer, but needed to know.

“Yes, I do. I love him very much. He held me together during a really awful time. He was my rock.”

Giles’ heart broke. She loved Angel. She was with Angel. Thoughts raced through his head, confusion and pain clearly written on his face. He almost didn’t hear her call his name.

“Giles? Giles.” His eyes finally focused on her. “I do love Angel, but we’re not together as lovers anymore. We’re friends. Well, we live together, and we work together, but we’re just friends. The Powers That Be, the ones that Angel works for, they’ve made it clear that we’re destined for, um, others. We’re not meant for one another.”

Giles let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Willow smiled and reached out to stroke his cheek, and he had the good sense to look chastened. “I’m, ah, I..”

He didn’t know what he wanted to say. He wanted to know where she had been for the four years she was gone, but didn’t want to press her before she was ready. Patting her hand, he motioned for her to continue.

“Please, go on.”

She didn’t bother questioning him about his uncharacteristic response. He was an open book to her, and her heart lifted as she flipped through his pages. ::This is getting easier. Not much more to say now, but she still didn’t know how much of the rest of the story she could tell him.:: “You know about the group in L.A., the mages, that I met. They helped us out a lot with some of the nastier things we dealt with.” Giles nodded; the group had been very useful with the Adam situation. “I worked with them off and on while I was still at UCLA, and when I graduated they asked me if I would study with them full time. I agreed, and went with them to their ritual site. They, um, initiated me into their group.”

Her head dropped suddenly, and she refused to meet his eyes. Concerned, Giles reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. “Willow? What kind of initiation was this? It’s okay, you can tell me.” He meant to pat her shoulder in a supportive way, but the movement somehow became a caress. It was then that his fingertips settled on something that should never have been on this innocent, lovely woman. He let one finger trace it, refusing to believe what he had found. He bit back a cry and grabbed her shoulders, but she refused to allow him to turn her around so he could see her back.

“Willow! What did they do to you? What is this?” He hadn’t meant to sound so accusatory, but he was scared, terrified that his instincts were right.

She finally raised her eyes to his. Tears were there, but did not fall. Setting her jaw, she stood, pulling his hands off her shoulders. He was about to protest when she turned around of her own accord, slipping the straps of her dress down her arms so her entire back was exposed. Giles did let out a cry, then; a choked sob that barely came close to expressing his horror.

“God.”

Criss-crossing Willow’s back were scars that Giles immediately recognized as claw marks. Lighter scars ran through the thick white flesh, possibly from a lash. He found himself unable to prevent his fingers from tracing the lines, and she didn’t stop him, only flinching when he first touched her.

“They whipped you like an.. an animal.” No response came from her.

His eyes found the tattoo, and he traced that raised mark as well, noting as Angel had that the colors were laid over a brand. Ensuring that she would always be inscribed with the dragon symbol, no matter how much the tattoo faded. The mark here pulsed with power, and he drew his fingers away before he could be distracted by the magical force.

She pulled the dress back up, covering herself. When she turned to him again, the tears were no longer threatening to fall. Instead, her eyes seemed to glow with a new confidence as she sat back down with him. “This was- necessary as part of the training.”

“Is this where you were for those years? Being- violated?”

She cringed at the word. “It was necessary, Giles.” She waved her hand impatiently; she was getting off topic, and if she didn’t focus she’d never tell him why she was here. “We can talk all about it later..”

Giles leapt to his feet then, towering over her, his normally quiet voice becoming a roar. “We’ll bloody well talk about it now, Willow! I will not accept that you allowed this to happen, or that you, you excuse this behavior! You will answer me, andI will decide when those answers are good enough.”

He didn’t care that he may be scaring her, that tears were running freely down her cheeks, or that yelling was the last thing he should do to someone who had been through such abuse. All that he cared about was that Willow bore scars that spoke of heinous acts of cruelty. His first priority was to convince her that there was nothing all right about it; second was to find the creatures that did this and teach them, very slowly, the true meaning and depth of cruelty. He closed his eyes, squeezed them shut. He was overwhelmed; if he looked at her now he would be unable to prevent himself from comforting her, from wiping away her tears, and then he would never get the answers he had demanded. Willing himself to calm down, he reached up to rub his forehead.

“Willow, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m just very confused by this.” She wasn’t paying him a bit of attention, he could tell; her sobs had too much of an edge of hysteria. Clenching his jaw, he sat back down across from her, still not trusting himself to reach out to her.

“Honey, please. If you’d just tell me, help me understand..” Giles jumped suddenly as a body brushed past him. One of the dragons had entered the circle; its tail struck him hard on the side as it went to Willow. Nuzzling her cheek, it turned the glowing embers of its eyes onto Giles; there was no mistaking that look. Giles imagined he had had a similar look when he first discovered Willow’s scars. Willow wrapped her arms around the creature, allowing it to comfort her. Giles could hear its soothing purrs, and couldn’t suppress his amazement that the little witch had turned a fearsome beast that was likely centuries old into a housepet.

Her sobs slowly falling into hiccups, Willow finally raised her head. She kissed the dragon gently on the end of its nose, whispering to it. With a final nuzzle it turned to leave the circle, glaring at Giles on its way past. Not knowing what to say, how to make up for his behavior, Giles sat quietly and waited for Willow to speak.

“You deserve to know what happened, Giles. I want to tell you everything; I owe you that after everything I’ve put you and the others through. But it’s not going to be easy for you to hear.”

She never looked him in the eye, but she told him everything, even details that she hadn’t told Angel. Beginning with the first spellcastings she was taught, how she had progressed quickly through the training until it was time to decide how involved in this path she wanted to be.

“I knew that there was more out there than Wicca, and the mages showed me so many other options. I decided that I wanted to work with dragons, like some of the other members did. They tried to discourage me at first, telling me that it was more of a warrior path than I was used to. They showed me the rituals, showed me what the- what the price would be, whether I succeeded or failed. But it felt right, and I insisted that this was what I wanted.”

“You knew what would happen?” Giles was trying to come to grips with the thought that Willow had undergone this willingly.

“Yes. But I knew that the pain would be momentary compared to the benefits. Dragon magic is powerful, more powerful than most of the things we face on the Hellmouth. I thought that having access to it would.. tilt the scales in our favor. I wanted to bring something important back to the Scoobies, something that would really help.”

“Willow, you were already..”

“Stop it, Giles. We both know how effective I was back then. Barely any of my spells worked, and I was less than useless as a fighter. This was a way I could really help.”

“How did you ever stand it, Willow? Those are not shallow scars.”

“I won’t lie to you; it was horrible. The final ritual is an invocation of the dragons, asking them to accept you as an acolyte. If they do, you’re marked- scarred- by the dragon who will undertake your teaching. You bear the mark so that others will know what you are, who you belong to.”

Giles ran through the catalogue of symbols in his head, trying to identify the mark on Willow’s back. “Fafnir. You were accepted by the Nordic Dragon of Fire.”

Willow nodded. “He is my guide, my way of accessing the knowledge of the Dragons. He gave me his children as protectors.” She gestured with a smile to her guardians, curled contentedly around one another outside of the circle.

“But the whip marks, what purpose do they serve?”

“The blood calls forth the Dragons. It’s always about blood, Giles, about the life force. Our years on the Hellmouth taught us that, if nothing else. And.. the initial pain facilitates the altered state necessary for the invocation.” Willow looked at him then, directly into his eyes, wondering if these answers were enough.

“I didn’t know, not right away, how long the training would take. Honestly, there were periods when I lost track of how much time was going by. I never intended to scare anyone. I never thought that I would be gone for so long. Dragons are difficult to work with. Everything is done in their own time, and I couldn’t stop once I’d started; it would have been too dangerous. When I had completed the training, I barely made it to Angel’s. He tells me I was unconscious for days; it was six months before I could take care of myself. I couldn’t let you see me that way. I came back as soon as I was able, but it was too late to..”

Her eyes clouded for a moment as she fought with her guilt. “Giles, I’m so sorry about Buffy. I wish I could have been here, could have helped. She was my best friend and I let her down.” Now a tear slipped from her eye. “I still miss her- I wanted to be able to say good-bye.”

Giles wiped away the tear. “She died well, Willow. Just as she always wanted to. She saved Dawn, and the rest of us, with one final selfless act.” He sighed as everything she had told him finally fell into place in his head. “She would be very proud if she could see you now.”

Willow smiled tentatively. “Do you really think so, Giles?”

He nodded. “She may have questioned your methods, Willow, but even I have to admit the results are extraordinary. I wish you hadn’t felt as if you needed to go to such extremes, and I am relieved that you’re all right now.” A thought occurred to him then. “You are finished with the training, right? No more of these rituals?”

Willow shook her head. “No, no more. I’ve proven myself already.”

Giles sighed in relief. “Thank god for that.” He looked around the circle for a moment, then back at her with a questioning look on his face.

“Willow, I don’t want to be rude, but I’m- curious. What brings you back to Sunnydale? Not that I’m not very happy to see you, but, why now? It’s obvious that you’ve settled in here; are you here for good?”

::Here it is. Deep breath, Willow.:: “Yes, Giles. I’m back for good, or as long as I’m needed here. I’m hoping that that’s a good long time.” She gripped both of his hands in hers. “Giles, this is so hard for me to say. I know I’m not going to do it right.. I just need to get it out. Please let me get it all out before you say anything, okay?”

“Of course, Willow.”

“Giles, there’s more to the story of why I didn’t come back. I, I didn’t come back because of you, Giles.” She rushed on, desperate to finish, alarmed at the expression on his face. “Because of what happened before graduation. I know that letter was cowardly, but I couldn’t stand to face you, to tell you how I felt and then have you not feel the same way. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I don’t think I ever saw you as just a friend. I loved you, Giles, from the moment we met. Even when I was with Oz, I loved you. He knew how I felt, he pushed me to tell you, that’s why I left the letter. I was so scared, Giles. And then when you didn’t stop me- I knew you didn’t feel the same way, so I left.”

“Loved? Willow, I..”

“No, Giles. You promised. I have to get this out.” She smiled at the ground. “Think of it as intensive therapy. I thought that if I wasn’t around you, that I wouldn’t be as in love with you. I was so wrong. I missed you more than I ever imagined I would. Angel showed me that it was okay to love again, that I could open myself up to someone else, and he was so wonderful but he always knew that there would come a time when I had to talk to you about what happened. He made me come here as soon as I was able, he made all the arrangements.” Willow cast her eyes down, guilt surfacing at the thought of her beloved vampire. “Poor Angel. This must have been so difficult for him.”

“Willow.. ” The look she shot him was enough. He closed his mouth.

She sighed, wishing for the right words. This wasn’t going the way she wanted it to, not at all. “I’m sorry. This is so hard.”

How he wanted to reach out to her then, to show her everything in his heart. To tell her that her words were not necessary; if she felt a fraction of the love for him as he did her, he didn’t need her words. But he stayed silent, as she commanded, and sent a prayer to anyone who was listening that this conversation was going where he thought it was.

“I’ve been gone for a long time, Giles. I’m not the Willow you knew. I don’t know much about your life now, your- personal life. But if you’d like, I’d like you to get to know the Willow I am now. There doesn’t need to be anything other than friendship; you made it clear a long time ago that you don’t love me, and I accept that, but I’d like to be your friend again, Giles. I want to be a part of your life, whatever part I can have. I’ve missed you so much, Giles. I’m tired of having a little Giles-shaped hole in my heart. Please let me back in.”

He had been silent throughout the last part of her admission, and she was reluctant to look at him for fear that rejection would be clearly stamped across his features. Through her downcast eyes she saw his hand reach for her, tilt her head up so she couldn’t avoid his eyes.

“Is it my turn now, Willow?”

She blushed, tried to drop her head but was prevented by his strong grip. Instead she nodded.

“I don’t know what letter you’re talking about, Willow. I assure you that if I had known that I had the power to stop you that day, I would have.” His eyes were soft, gazing into her own, his thumb gently caressing her chin. “I wanted you to stay; I would have given anything to have you stay. Willow- I..” He paused, a hitch in his voice preventing him from going any further.

Time simply stopped. Frozen in that moment, Giles looked at the woman that had been in his dreams for so long. So beautiful, still so pure and innocent. Guileless green eyes, through which anyone could read her soul. There was confusion there, but something else- something that spoke her want stronger than any words she could use. He truly didn’t know what she had been talking about, what letter she had been referring to, but he knew he wasn’t going to let her go a second time. His thumb moved from her chin to stroke her bottom lip, memorizing the curve and silky smooth texture. No, he wasn’t going to waste this chance.

Bending forward, Giles pulled Willow to him and replaced his thumb with his lips. Tenderly he pressed his mouth to hers, giving her the opportunity to pull away. When she didn’t, he slid his hand to the back of her neck and tightened his hold on her, changing from light, butterfly kisses to something more urgent. Still she didn’t pull away; rather, she met his kisses with equal fervor. He broke the contact for just a moment, opening his eyes to meet her half-lidded gaze.

“Oh, yes.” He growled before diving in for another kiss. Yes, this was just what he wanted, what he’d been waiting for all his life.

He pulled her into his lap, needing to feel her body against his, needing to know this was real. If this were a dream- if he woke up yet again sweaty and alone in his bed, he would never recover. His fingers wrapped around the silken strands of her hair, pulling her head back almost violently so he could have access to her neck. She whimpered at the loss of his lips, but dug her fingers into his shoulders and moaned encouragement to him as he rained kisses down to the strap of her dress, pausing now and then to lick and nip at her sweet flesh. He used the tip of his nose to nudge the strap aside, letting it fall down the curve of her arm, not letting his mouth lose contact with her skin for a second.

She was struggling a little against his grip now, wanting to taste him as he was tasting her. He was using his other arm to pin her against his body, and she was frustrated with her inability to touch him. Giles brought his head back up to look at her. Flushed from his attentions, she was already panting in short, quick gasps, and he was convinced he had never seen anything so beautiful.

“Please, Giles..” Her struggles were becoming more urgent, and he was having a difficult time ignoring what she was doing to the area she was seated on.

“What is it, Willow? Tell me what you want.” He was brushing his lips against hers as he spoke, his grip on her hair preventing her from deepening the kiss. He ran his lips over her cheek, back to her ear where he nipped the lobe, causing her to shiver and cry out.

He knew it was unfair to be teasing her, but he wanted to hear her words, wanted to reassure himself that this was what she needed. His hands shaking with barely restrained passion, Giles ran his fingers through her hair and down her neck, pulling soft moans from the goddess in his arms.

“Mmmm- you like that?” He pressed his mouth to her ear, his warm breath washing over her, his voice little more than a throaty growl. “Will you tell me what you want?”

Distracted by his teasing, she didn’t notice him shifting her in his lap until it was too late. He eased her onto the ground, bending one leg up at the knee so she was leaning back against it. The other leg was stretched out and crossed over hers, pinning both her legs to the grass. Willow’s right arm was caught behind Giles’ back by his left arm. He easily wrapped his arm around her back, capturing her left arm in his left hand. She was clasped tightly, completely helpless and at the mercy of his mouth and right hand, which had come back up to trace her jaw.

His eyes drifted down to the fabric of her dress, which had caught on the swell of her breasts when he pushed the strap away. She couldn’t help noticing where his eyes were drawn. Her heart was about to pound its way out of her chest; she wanted him so badly. “Giles.. touch me. Please touch me.” Arching her back, she tried desperately to push the stubborn fabric down the few inches it needed.

Giles ran one finger down her neck, over her shoulder, and barely traced over the top of the dress. She was shivering uncontrollably at his feather-light touch. He could feel her heart beating under his fingertip as he swept it back and forth over the exposed skin. He nudged the fabric down, millimeters at a time, refusing to rush. With great effort, he pulled his eyes away from the pale skin he was caressing, bringing his mouth back to her ear. His cheek brushed against hers as he ran his tongue over the shell of her ear before continuing his growled teasing.

“Is this what you want, Willow? Have you dreamed of this? Have you dreamed of my hands on your body, of how it feels to be pressed against me? I have. I’ve dreamed of having you in my bed, of doing so many things to you, of loving you as you deserve. I’ve dreamed of you begging me to please you.” The dress slipped just a little more.

“Willow.” Her name was a prayer on his lips. “I can feel your heart beating, darling. I can feel how much you want me.” He lay his whole hand over the top of her breast to better feel the pounding rhythm. He was rewarded with a high-pitched whimper. He shifted just a little, pressing his hardness against her hip, earning another whimper.

“You can have this, Willow. I’ll give you whatever you want. Tell me, love. Please, I have to hear it.” Another movement, and the other strap of the dress fell. The fabric was barely held in place by Willow’s rock-hard nipples. There was no more teasing here; he was begging her for permission. Giles would not expose her until he heard what he wanted to- what he needed to. He could no more bring this to the next level without her invitation than he could have crossed the rock threshold earlier.

Willow was on fire, and Giles had barely even touched her. Hadn’t even gotten near anything important. The thought crossed her mind to use her magic to free herself, pin him to the ground, and ride him until she collapsed. But she didn’t think she could focus enough to do even the simplest of spells. She would remain at his mercy, but she knew it would be worth it. Willow didn’t know how she found her voice; by sheer will she managed to form words.

“God, Giles. I need you now.”

His eyes met hers, and for a moment she felt a bolt of fear run through her at the look in them. She had never seen eyes so dark, so dangerous. There was a promise there, and she shivered at the thought that he would fulfill that promise.

“Willow?” He refused to look away, and she couldn’t look anywhere but in those stormy hazel depths.

She darted forward before he could stop her, capturing his bottom lip in her teeth and biting down hard. His grip on her tightened involuntarily. She raised eyes as dark as his own, meeting his gaze without flinching.

“Make me yours, Giles.”

His eyes not leaving hers, he pulled her dress down over her breasts, and she inhaled sharply as the cool night air hit her skin. His hand traced back up over her ribs and cupped one breast. Her tongue peeked out, wetting her lips, and she arched into him. Her wordless plea was enough. He bent his head, sighing at the perfection before him.

“You are a goddess.” He whispered, just before his lips claimed her nipple.

Willow was lost in the sea of sensation his teeth and tongue created. His hand lifted her breast, enabling him to suck more of her soft flesh into his mouth. She was keening breathlessly, slowly going crazy from his touch, and she wanted more than anything to get her hands free so she could return the favor.

“Giles.” No response, just his continued ministrations. “GILES. Please.”

He didn’t reply, but did loosen his hold on her. Willow shifted so she was facing him, kneeling between his legs. His mouth still locked on her breast, his hands moved to her back, his splayed fingers pressing her against him. Her fingers moved of their own accord, wrapping into his hair and forcing him harder against her, increasing the pressure on her sensitive breasts. She allowed him to suckle her for what seemed an eternity before her need to touch more of him overwhelmed her. Pushing him away roughly, she grabbed the pullover he was wearing and yanked it over his head, barely giving him enough time to raise his arms.

Now it was her turn to admire him; the light dusting of honey-colored hair that was scattered across his chest and dipped into the waistband of his pants, the corded muscles of his arms, the strength in his broad chest.

He smiled at her, his eyes crinkling in a way that was so Giles. Holding his arms out to the side, he let her look her fill. She blushed, realizing he knew exactly what she was doing, then immediately reprimanded herself. She was half naked, for god’s sake, and before long she wouldn’t even have that. The time for blushing like a virgin was long gone.

He rose to his knees in front of her slowly. Taking her hands in his, he pressed her fingers to his shoulders, closing his eyes at the heat spreading through him at her touch. “I’m yours, Willow. Do with me what you will.”

Her hands traced the lines of his chest much the same as his had, relishing the feel of his skin. Her thumbs ran over his copper nipples; when he shuddered and groaned she smiled and pinched them between her thumb and forefinger. He didn’t stop her as she leaned forward and ran her warm tongue over one nipple, tickling it before tugging on it with her teeth.

He was much less patient with this than she had been, only letting her play with him for a few minutes before reluctantly pulling her away, raising her head so he could again claim her lips. She sighed as their flesh pressed together, heated bodies rubbing against one another. Involuntarily, her hips ground against his, and they both gasped as her stomach came in contact with the bulge in his pants. He drew away from her then, cupping her face in his hands. One last chance for her to change her mind, one last chance to revoke her permission.

“Willow, are you..”

He never finished. Her hands had already found their way to the button of his pants, and without even glancing down she released the button and zipper. She slid both hands into his waistband, pushing the fabric down to his knees. Moaning at the release of his painfully hard cock, Giles stopped her from lowering his boxers as well. He stood, stepping out of his shoes, socks, and jeans, throwing them to the side. Willow was still on her knees, and was afforded a perfect view of what had been confined in those jeans as he turned back to her. She gazed up at him with an almost feral look, licking her lips. He opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut audibly as she leaned forward and closed her mouth around his erection through his boxers. His knees buckled as her tongue stroked up and down his length and she caught him, steadying him with both hands. When he regained his balance she set her hands to work, sliding them up the legs of his boxers and slipping behind his cock, pushing it against the already taut fabric. She sucked the head of his erection into her mouth, teasing it with her teeth and delighting in the choking sounds Giles was making.

Giles hadn’t intended on giving her such a perfect target when he stood to kick off his jeans, but now was not the time for such thoughts. Right now, he was doing all he could from exploding. Summoning all his strength, he pulled Willow away from her ministrations and pushed her onto her heels. Hooking his own fingers into his boxers, he pulled the wet material down over his cock and stepped out of it.

Willow couldn’t form any kind of coherent thought as Giles stood before her. Her eyes raked over his body, taking in every inch. ::Mine.:: She didn’t look away from him as she reached behind her, balancing herself on both hands as she pulled her legs out from underneath her. Her dress had fallen to her waist, and she couldn’t help noticing the way Giles’ cock twitched as she arched toward him. She lay back on the soft grass and wordlessly reached toward him.

He took her hand, laying down next to her, one leg sliding between hers and his erection resting against her hip. He balanced his weight onto one forearm, freeing the other hand to wander over her torso. She moaned into his mouth as he kissed her, his tongue chasing hers; her body pressed into his, begging for more. He caught her hand as she reached down to push off her dress and smiled at the cry that left her lips.

“That’s my job, love.” He firmly brought both her arms over her head and held them in place as his other hand traced down her side to rest for a moment on her waist as he moved his leg out of the way. He finally reached underneath her, encouraging her to lift her hips, before catching the dress and pulling it off her. She wiggled for a moment, kicking the dress away.

Giles looked down at the magnificent sight that was Willow completely nude, and his breath caught in his throat.

Willow was becoming a little uncomfortable with his stare, and unconsciously moved to cover herself before realizing her wrists were still caught in his grasp. A blush quickly spread from her face across most of her torso. “I, um, maybe we.. oh, hell…”

He noticed her discomfort and moved quickly to reassure her. “You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.” He let his hand move from her waist over her stomach before letting one finger run over the single strip of close-cropped hair covering her mound. He smiled as he caressed the soft, neat down. A primal gleam came into his eye as he slid one finger between her lower lips, not quite entering her. He mistook her whimper for dissent. Leaning in and brushing a kiss over her forehead, he whispered to her.

“Lat mich iu gevallen.”

His lips covered hers for a moment before re-tracing the path they had taken earlier, down her neck, over her breasts, down her ribs. Touching her thighs gently, he encouraged her to part her legs so he could settle between them. He nuzzled the auburn hair on her mound, content for the moment to be so close to her center that he could feel the heat pouring out of her, could smell the heady scent of her arousal. His cock twitched at the sensation, and he tried to focus on something else before he did something embarrassing.

Willow was holding her breath, waiting for the feel of his mouth on her, sure that she would explode the second he made contact. But he seemed content to simply rub against her, and she was getting very tired of waiting.

“Giles..” she hissed, anger flowing into her as she heard his answering chuckle. The anger dissipated quickly, however, when his tongue darted out and flicked her clit. Her hips snapped up involuntarily, and Giles had to lean back quickly before she could accidentally break his nose. Placing his hands on her hips to hold her in place, he dipped his head back to her pussy, easily finding her most sensitive areas.

She tasted like heaven, and Giles decided that he could stay just like this forever. She writhed beneath him like a cat, and the noises she made were driving him mad. His tongue slid into her opening, gathering her juices, the muscles clamping around him. She was going to be fantastic when he got inside her. He was about to slip a finger into her, so caught up in the sensation that he didn’t hear her call his name. The next thing he knew she had a good grip on his hair and was pulling him on top of her roughly. He tried to catch himself before he crashed onto her, but only managed to deflect half his weight.

“Willow.. what’s the ma..”

“Time for that later. I need you. Fuck me, Giles. Now.”

The coarse phrase was shocking coming from her, further driving the point home that this was not the innocent Willow he had known. Giles wasn’t going to question her at the moment, but neither was he going to make this-their first time together- into a fast, hard fuck. He would love her on his own terms.

Sliding his forearms under her thighs, pressing her legs apart and back toward her chest, Giles exposed her fully. He rubbed the length of his cock against her slit, coating himself in her juices, grinding the hardness against her nub.

“Dammit Giles, please. ” She was bent almost double, clinging tightly to his biceps, eyes tightly closed as she bit her bottom lip.

“Open your eyes, love. Seht mich an, Willow.” She obliged, passion burning brightly in the green depths.

He didn’t even need to guide himself in. Bringing his hips back, holding her gaze, Giles easily found her opening and slammed himself home.

Their mutual scream echoed through the trees.

Giles knew he wasn’t going to last long, not when the reality was so much better than any fantasy he’d ever had. She was tight, and hot, and so wet. Her muscles clamped down as soon as he entered her, preventing him from moving for the moment it took her to adjust. He drew out of her in a long, slow stroke, pulling almost all the way out before sliding back into her. She was making noises he’d never heard before as he teased her with a slow, steady rhythm. Her walls contracted around him, almost undoing him. He sped up, grinding his pelvis into her. Bending over, he touched his forehead to hers without breaking his thrusts, droplets of sweat falling onto her. He could tell she was close.

“Venias, pulchra.” He growled through clenched teeth.

Her fingers dug into his back as she thrust upward against him, her orgasm overtaking her. She cried out his name as her world broke apart.

“God, Rupert!”

He didn’t stop his mad thrusts as she came, faltering only for a second when her cry of his given name reached his ears. When he was certain she was coming down from her orgasm, he allowed himself his own pleasure. He let go of her legs, which she immediately wrapped around his waist, so he could slide his arms underneath her and surround her body completely. Burying his face in her neck, he thrust twice more before choking out her name and exploding. She clung to him as he emptied his seed into her, as he cried out with each discharge.

Panting heavily, he rolled over so she was settled comfortably on top of him. They lay, sated, in each others’ arms. Giles somehow found the energy to gently run his fingers through Willow’s hair, brushing the sweat-soaked locks away from her face, but it was Willow who found her voice first.

“That was; that was- huh.”

Well, part of her voice, anyway.

Silence fell over them again before Giles chuckled softly. Willow turned to look up at him as he bent his arm back to prop his head on.

“What is it?”

“I was just wondering when you became so conversant in Latin.”

She smiled. “Let’s just say I had good motivation to learn.” Her eyes were glowing in the soft light as she gazed at him. He hadn’t stopped running his fingers through her hair, and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch.

His voice seemed to come from far away, her ears straining to pick up his words. “Rosa rubicundior, lilio candidior, omnibus formosior, semper in te glorior.”

“Totam tibi subdo me.” She replied without hesitation, before nuzzling her face back against his chest. She was drifting to sleep, safe in the arms of the man she had always loved, lulled by the steady sound of his heartbeat, rocked by the slow rise and fall of his chest.

“Willow.” His arms tightened around her.

“Mmmm.”

He felt like a fool; the woman in his arms- the woman of his dreams- was obviously content after their lovemaking, if her descent into sleep was any indication. He knew he should keep his mouth shut, should do nothing to ruin this perfect moment, but he was terrified that now that his fantasy had been fulfilled, someone, somewhere, would be conspiring to take it all away from him. He couldn’t lose her now.

“Still awake, Willow?”

“Mhmmm.”

“You’ll.. you’ll stay with me, won’t you?”

This was where she had dreamed of being for longer than she could remember. Home. This was home, she thought. And she would never leave again.

“Forever, Giles.”

A tear escaped from his eye, and he took a deep breath as her promise lit his soul on fire.

“I love you, Willow.”

And it was enough, for now, that her reply was a soft snore.

The end.

Latin Phrases: Geselle: Lover.
Dulcissime: Sweetest one.
Fortune plango vulnera, quod sua michi munera subtrahit rebellis: I bemoan the wounds of Fortune, for the gifts she made me she perversely takes away.
Sum presentialiter absens in remota: I am with you even when I am far away.
Mihi cordis gravitas res videtur gravis: The heaviness of my heart is a burden to me.
Lat mich iu gevallen: Let me please you.
Seht mich an: Look at me.
Venias, pulchra: Come, my pretty one.
Rosa rubicundior, lilio candidior, omnibus formosior, semper in te glorior: Redder than the rose, whiter than the lily, lovelier than all the others, I shall always glory in you.
Totam tibi subdo me: I give myself to you totally.