Title: Wishing You Were Here
Author: Giles Cat
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Rating: NC17
Summary: Buffy and Giles finally confess their love to one another but is it too little too late?
Spoilers: Season 6 up to Tabula Rasa, and Hells Bells (the ending).
Distribution: ODD and anyone else who thinks I am worthy!
Disclaimer: Dear Joss, I waited and waited but you never delivered. So I took it into my own evil hands.  I know you and Twentieth Century Fox, UPN, WB & Mutant Enemy own everything, I just want the thrills.
Feedback: Yes, I can take it.  Flames will be chuckled over.
Warning: Character death, implied relationship with a minor.
Dedication: Thanks to Jo Neve for beta’ing, gold star to you. 

The small blonde woman straddled Giles.  He moaned as she licked his neck, squirming suggestively in his lap.  He filled his hands with her breasts, aroused further by the realisation she wore no bra.  “Oh Lord yes.” He moaned.

She laughed throatily and kissed him hard. Then sat back, smiling broadly.  He threaded one hand through her hair and pulled her down for another kiss.  Their tongues teasing, seeking mastery with one another.  Drunk as he undoubtedly was he sensed all was not well.  She mouthed her way across his jaw, revelling in the roughness of his days old beard.  Licking his throat one more time, she bit him.  Giles jolted at her bite.  Too cold.  She was too cold.  Oh Fuck, he’d picked up a vampire.  He tried to struggle but she ruthlessly pinned him down against the sofa.  He looked at her through his alcoholic haze and saw her game face slip into place.  All resemblance to his beloved Buffy gone.  She sunk her fangs into his throat, he heard the awful, erotic sound of his blood being drained.  A part of him appreciated the irony in his death being at the hands of cheap whore he’d picked up solely because she reminded him of his Slayer.  As his heart beat slowed and the black void rose up to meet him he tasted something hot and metallic in his mouth, he swallowed.  The blackness engulfed him and he gave himself over to it. 

Buffy woke with a jolt.  Looking around her moonlit bedroom her hand reaching under her pillow for her stake she tried to determine what woke her.  A movement in the darkest shadows caught her eye and she turned to face the intruder.  Her spider senses were tingling, making her aware she was in danger. 

“Do you know who I am?” she asked in a dangerous tone.  It pissed her off to be facing a demon in her own bedroom.  Fear clutched at her heart, she hoped that the demon’s first stop had been her bedroom and not Dawn’s.

“The Chosen One.” A familiar English accent acted as it always did, to soothe her fears.  She relaxed slightly.

‘Giles.  Its you.  What are you doing here?”

She swung her legs out of the bed and pulled on her robe, leaving the stake under her pillow.  Standing she tightened the robe around her and looked over baffled by Giles’ lack of response. 

He stepped out of the shadows.  He wore a pair of dressy close fitting black slacks, a beautiful dark shirt, understated tie and a carried over his shoulder a black jacket.  Buffy was confused.  Her Slayer senses were still screaming at her, but all she could see was Giles.

“Did you fly over just now…was there a funeral?”

“Yes.   Mine.  Or rather that there was back in England.  I take it no one called you.  I did leave express instructions.  Typical of Ethan, not to call you.”

Her heart leapt to her throat and she realised the significance of what he was saying, she swung her gaze in the direction of her dresser  A wave of nausea hit her as she saw only herself reflected in the mirror there. 

“Giles?  No!  Please tell me no!” her words broken by her sobs.  Giles moved over to her side, and put cold arms around her.  Even as a demon his instinct was to offer comfort to his beautiful troubled Slayer, his Buffy.  She buried her face in his neck, her distress heightened by the cool lack of pulse under her face.

“Shhh love, it’s all right.  Shhhh.” He soothed and petted her, murmuring comforting nothings and gradually eased them until they sat side by side on her bed.  He wiped away her tears with his thumbs then tilted her face so she looked up at him.  Gently he lowered his head and kissed her softly on the lips.

“Buffy, I need to tell you something.”

He did not wait for her to respond but continued.

“Dear Buffy.  I love you.  Not as a father does,” he sneered at this, “ nor merely as a Watcher.  But as a man.  I’m in love with you.  Even now, even as a demon, I feel this for you, it knows no boundaries.  Only now”, he laughed bitterly, “I can tell you because at last I have no fear of rejection.”

Buffy sobbed again, hardly able to withstand the pain in her heart his words were causing her.  “But you left me!”

“Because I had to.  Maybe it was cowardice, but…I could not bear it any longer.  I had to leave and let you get on with your life.  I was standing in your way…I never thought it would be the end of mine.  But I’m here now.  I won’t go again.  I promise.”

“Giles I love you too.” He moved as though to pull away, words of protest forming on his lips, but she grabbed him and held him still.  “I do.  I was so angry with you when you left, it didn’t occur to me why at first, but as I lay here night after night I have been thinking, feeling…I wanted to call you, but was afraid.  You’d left me, you wanted your own life.  I couldn’t ask you to come back, to make that sacrifice again, for me.” 

Giles felt the irony keenly.  He kissed her savagely.  She met his kiss with equal fierceness, angry that it had taken this tragic turn of events for them both to finally confess to their feelings.  She hated her destiny with blinding rage.  She hated Willow for bringing her back from Heaven for this hell.  This hell where she only found love too late, only burdens, never joy. 

He pushed her onto her back on the bed, his hands greedily exploring her too slender body.  He pushed up her little top and exposed her beautiful breasts.  Releasing her mouth at last, he licked his way along her jaw line, pausing at her scarred throat, one bite from Angel, one from Dracula.  She shivered beneath his touch and he realised, excitement coursing through him that he could bite her now and she would let him.  Briefly he slipped his fangs into the spot Angel had drained her, marking her now as his territory, his Slayer.  He heard her sob gently but she gave no resistance.  He lifted his head and looked down into her damp blue eyes that gazed painfully back at him. 

“So sweet!” he murmured in tones of amazement.  Buffy shifted, her instincts at war with one another.  Giles held her firmly but she was not resisting him.

“Don’t.” she said softly, slayer winning out.

He lowered his eyes, as though agreeing with her.  She shivered again.  He kissed her once more, this time with tenderness and restrained passion.  Their kisses slowly grew heated, their tongues slid over one another, dancing, mating seeking.  Hands explored each other slowly, carefully, learning every last inch of one another’s body.  He took his time, learning what made her gasp, what made her moan.  Almost she could forget what he had become.

When at last he entered her, her neck arched invitingly, he lowered his head unable to resist.  He bit her again, sucking the life force out of her even as he thrust harder into her.  She cried out in pleasure, calling his name aloud.  Her orgasm rushed in on her, and her slick channel clenched his cold hard cock.  He came, releasing her throat and cried out her name in benediction.  “Buffy!” 

He convulsed one last time and landed heavily on her, his head between her breasts. His penis, softening now, still within her.

“I love you Buffy.”

“I love you Rupert.” She whispered fiercely. 

And she plunged the stake into his back, penetrating his heart.  He smiled even as he turned to dust, “Good girl.” He approved and then ceased to exist.  Tears streamed down her dusty cheeks but she did not wipe them away.  She felt faint and giddy at once.  She realised she had lost too much blood and was probably dying.  She did not care, she did not move beyond hugging herself to hold the dust closer to her.  She closed her eyes and waited to die.

Dawn screamed when she went in to see her sister the next morning.  Buffy lay naked on top of her bed, her throat bitten twice, and a stake beside her on the bed, dust covering her.  Willow came tearing into the room and screamed too to see her best friend thus.  Recovering she ran to Buffy’s side and placed a finger to her throat, choosing a spot not bitten.  She sighed in relief as she felt her friend’s faint pulse.  But the skin was too cool. 

“Dawn, she’s alive.  Call an ambulance.  Now.” She frowned looking at her friend, there was something really wrong with the scene. 

Dawn snapped out of her hysteria and ran to do Willow’s bidding, still sobbing.  The ambulance seemed to take hours to get to the Summers house and Dawn nearly went crazed with anxiety.  She could not lose Buffy, she would not lose Buffy.  There would be no one left.  The ambulance finally arrived and took her sister away to the hospital. 

It was in the hospital that Buffy awoke.  She blinked distressed by the barrage of sounds and the too bright lights.  She closed her eyes again and tried to make sense of her surroundings.  Slowly she came to realise where she was and why she was here.  So it had not been a nightmare.  She had killed Giles.  A silent tear tracked down her cheek.  The strong smell of soap that rose from her skin told her they had removed the last of Giles’ presence from her.  Now she had nothing and still she lived. 

“Buffy.  It’s me.  Anya.  Are you awake?  Should I call Dawn?”

“Anya?’ Buffy whispered surprise making her open her eyes.  Anya indeed sat at her side, an assortment of magazines on her lap and beside her on the floor. 

“Yes.  It’s me.  I didn’t want to, it really boring watching a person be unconscious.  But Willow made me.  She said…”

Buffy interrupted the other girl’s explanation for her unexpected presence.

“Anya.”

“Yes?  Oh, call Dawn?” she started to rise out of her chair, but stopped at Buffy’s next words. 

“No.  I mean, yes, but wait.  I need to ask you something.  You, you’re not human anymore?”

Anya stood looking panicked.  Buffy grabbed her arm hard, eyes fixed on Anya’s face.  Anya visibly swallowed. 

“No.  I have to ask you something.” Buffy repeated, letting go of the arm.

“You just did.”

“One more then.  If someone dies.  Leaves behind someone who loves them.  Does that count as scorning?  Is that enough for you to do your mojo?”

“Well it depends, sometimes.” Anya gave up pretending she wasn’t her old vengeance demon self. 

Buffy grabbed Anya’s hand and lifted herself onto her elbow to look straight into her friends eyes.  Anya looked startled but did not pull away.  Silently she waited for Buffy to explain. 

“In that case, I wish I could start again but not be Slayer and Giles not to be a Watcher.”

Anya’s eyes widened even as her face changed to its true demon visage.  “Done.”

Blackness rushed up at Buffy and for a moment she thought she had killed everyone and everything by her wish.  That one of the many apocalypses she had averted had come to pass.  Oh what had she done?  Hadn’t Cordelia’s wish turned out badly?

The next moment however bright sunlight teased her eyelids and she opened her eyes.  Her mother peered at her.  Her mother!

“Are you alright dear?  It’s not that bad surely, a new school?  You’ll make friends I’m sure.”

Buffy stared at her mother.  She could hardly believe that she sat in the front seat of the Jeep with her mother beside her.  She looked down at herself and saw she wore the clothes she had worn on her first day to Sunnydale High.  Could it be true, she wondered?

“Buffy, hurry up.  I’m going to be late!” the whining tones of Dawn cut through her thoughts.  Dawn was alive in this world? Buffy whipped her head around and looked at her sister.  Her sister looked all of ten and judging by the way she was sticking out her tongue at Buffy was still a pain.  Was she still a key?  So many questions.

“Yes, I’m fine.  Thank you for the lift.  Bye.” She kissed her mother’s cheek, considerably startling Joyce who had expected a smart arse comment, or protestation of good health, not a gesture of affection.  Buffy climbed out of the car and waved off her family.  No doubt Joyce was taking Dawn to her school.  Taking a deep breath she started walking towards the school, unsure whether to find all her friends and whether they would still be her friends or…Giles.  Her breath left her body in a whoosh.  She had to find Giles.  She trotted up the steps quickly, amazed at how slow and awkward her body felt.  It must be true, she thought.

With growing certainty she headed to the library.  She hesitated at the swing doors that guarded the entrance and took the cowards way out.  Standing on her toes she peered in and saw nothing.  Taking another steadying breath and noting how her hands shook as she pushed at the door she went inside.  Feeling terrible dejavu she looked around seeing nothing but books.

“Hello?  Anyone here?” she called out, and nearly screamed when Giles’ head appeared from behind a book case.  She hadn’t heard him at all.  No Slayer hearing then.

“Err hello.  Are you new?” the familiar cultured accent washed over her.

Buffy felt her heart start to hammer in her chest as the handsome, tweed clad librarian headed towards her, a polite smile on his achingly familiar face.  She watched him wide eyed as he came down the stairs.  She noted how he took in her short skirt, his gaze lingering just a fraction too long on her bare thighs.  She smiled softly and felt herself blushing.  Oh gods she had the body of a sixteen year old again, complete with easy blushing.  Instinctively she lowered her gaze.  The trembling had grown worse. 

Giles stopped a couple of feet away.  For no reason he could fathom his heart was slamming against his ribs.  The girl was pretty, but as a school librarian of nearly twenty years he had seen many pretty girls.  She could hardly have been sixteen.  Turn forty and you turn into a cliché dirty old man, how humiliating. 

“Can I help you?” he asked at last, wincing at the husky rasp in his voice.  God could he be more obvious in his attraction?  He cleared his throat. 

She peered up at him, from under lowered lashes and smiled, blushing a deep rosy pink.  His smile widened instinctively in response to the flirtation.

“I..I’m Buffy.  Summers.  I’m…”

“New.  Welcome to Sunnydale.  I’m Mr Giles, the librarian…I… I heard in the staff room th-that we had a couple of new girls starting today.  I didn’t expect to meet you so soon.”

“I.. I couldn’t wait.  To see the library I mean.  I like books.  Can I call you Giles?”

He nodded then realised what she had said.  “You like to read?” his green eyes widened at this most unexpected admission from what to all appearances appeared to be a typical Californian teenage girl, blonde, blue eyed, tanned and pretty.  She didn’t look like the kind of girl who read.  “What sort of books?” he asked.

Buffy panicked.  Trust Giles to ask a difficult question.  Of course she didn’t like reading, that was why it was always Willow and he who had done the hard yards with the research.  But she had to have some excuse for being here.  Then she remembered.

“Don’t you have a book for me?  Last ti..…I mean, when you heard there was a new student?” she prompted, realising this was it.  Either she was the Slayer, he the Watcher, and they were about to start over again or she would find out that destiny could be changed.

Giles frowned.  She was expecting a book?  Then realisation dawned.  Of course she expected him to have the reading list.  She was keen.  He looked her over again, feeling the pull of attraction again.  Clearly he was having his mid life crisis.  His ex-wife Olivia would have a field day over this.  Still he could hardly fault his own taste, she was lovely.  He held his breath when she opened her fabulous blue eyes at him.  The anticipation in her expression was making him nervous. 

“No.  You’ll have to find out from your teachers.  I-I don’t have a reading list here.”

Buffy smiled ecstatically, making Giles exhale with a whoosh.  So her wish had come true.  She was not the Slayer and he was not a Watcher.  She decided to test it one more time.

“So nothing about say…vampires?”

“Oh, casual reading matter!” he exclaimed sounding like he had solved a mystery.  “as a matter of fact we do have a rather large collection of books on mythology and the occult, my colleague Mr Wyndham-Price brought it when he started here last month.” Giles explained enthusiastically, although privately he wondered why such a pretty girl would be interested in such dark doings.

“Wesley Wyndham-Price? Buffy was astonished.

“No no, that’s Ashley’s younger brother.  Strange fellows, both of them…do you know them?”

“Ashley?  Uh no…that is…no.”

Giles stared baffled for a moment.  Then nearly had a heart attack when the girl took his hand in hers.  “Nah, I don’t wanna see those books.” Then suddenly inspired from her love of old black and white movies  “Tell me, in your opinion Giles, isn’t Jane Austen way better than the Bronte sisters?” She smiled engagingly up at him, her head tipped slightly to the side.  He swallowed, God she was lovely and was she, could she, be coming on to him?

Giles tightened his grip on her small hand.  Once the initial shock had worn off it felt right to have this girl’s hand in his.  Ignoring the warning bells in his head he smiled at her and indicated the stairs to the mezzanine with his free hand. 

“Well let’s go to our English literature section and see shall we, Buffy?”

And together they headed up the library stairs, smiling at each other and disappeared into the stacks.

The End.