Title: The Surrogate 3/19
Author: Jacqui
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Buffy, Giles and all other assorted Buffy candies belong to Joss Whedon, WB and ME. Elizabeth, and everything from her world, belongs to me (the real me, not the ‘grr aargh’ ME .
Notes: The B/G vibes are starting. Woohoo.

Feedback: Give me a happy. wily_one24@yahoo.com.au

She ran a hand over her stomach, secretly marveling at the fact that it was still flat. On the inside it felt large, swollen and full. A feeling both disturbing and strangely comforting. Three months, Buffy knew, and the baby was still small. Smaller than would be expected for all the trouble she was going through. She spent her time complaining about it, telling Elizabeth they’d have to send her home, but Buffy had begun to dream. Secretly she imagined what the baby would look like, what it would feel like. It filled her with a private satisfaction and she couldn’t say why.

Then there was a small part of her that whooped for joy at the thought that Giles was the father. Since that first night when Elizabeth had shown her the way it could be, Buffy had let her mind return to the fantasies, to develop and encourage them. What she hadn’t told Elizabeth, was that she too had felt the same thing on the night the Master had risen. She’d wanted so desperately to go back to Giles and hold him, but the thought of Ms. Calendar, the thought of what she’d said and how she’d acted earlier had stopped her.

Later, it seemed an issue too wishful on her part to come to anything, and so she’d kept quiet, pushed it as far away from her thoughts as possible. In her sleep, however, she couldn’t control her dreams and there had been many. It made her blush to think that reality might equal her dreams. The feeling she’d gotten from Elizabeth had been so intense, that safety, the all engulfing goodness of having Giles’ arms wrapped around her.

Now she was, or at least some form of her was, going to have his baby, and she knew that he would make a great father. Little scenes grew in her head, of Giles caring for their daughter, playing with her, protecting her, teaching her. It made her smile.

She was crazy, she was losing her mind thinking all of these things. Her Giles wouldn’t feel that way about her, there was no happy family scenes ahead of them. It was Elizabeth’s baby and it was Elizabeth’s Rupert that was the father. There was no good reason to put herself through the pain. She had to stop thinking about it, she had to stop imaging things that could never be, she had to crash back down to reality.

She had to eat.

Suddenly she was overwhelmed with a hunger so deep that she thought she would go mad. It was different to anything she’d ever felt before. Her body wanted something and it wanted it now, craved it with all her being. Buffy threw the covers off the little makeshift bed and barely had the patience to find her slippers before marching down the stairs. She was on a mission.

Elizabeth sighed. In her dreams everything was back the way it used to be, nothing bad had happened, they were together and happy again. A pillow landed heavily on her face. Elizabeth woke up to a very irate Buffy standing over her. She threw an arm over her face and turned away.

"Wake up!"

"Buffy? For crying out loud! What is wrong?"

Buffy growled.

"You’re having a craving and for the life of me, I don’t know what for. It’s certainly not in the kitchen, whatever it is, and if I don’t get it soon I’m going to kill something. Most probably you."

Elizabeth reached out and took Buffy’s hand.

"Oh, we need to go to Giles’ for this one."

In the two weeks that Elizabeth had been there, they’d developed a pattern, she’d become one of the group. They were still looking for a way to get her home, but hadn’t found anything. She still hadn’t told them the truth about how she’d gotten there and that she knew how to get back. Selfish, she knew, but going back wasn’t what she wanted.

Her world was empty for her now, it held nothing, everything she valued she had here. The daughter that grew in her womb, and she knew it was a girl, she and Rupert had found that out, they’d left nothing to chance. Also, when she was here she could pretend that nothing would harm her, that they’d all be safe, that her daughter may just have a chance in the world.

Not to mention the fact that there was Buffy. At first Elizabeth had felt odd, wary and even suspicious of Buffy, but it had grown into a dependency that she didn’t understand. The other girl seemed younger, less mature, she reminded Elizabeth of herself before Rupert, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Buffy also reminded her that it was okay to enjoy things, it was okay to laugh.

She didn’t have to take things so seriously. Not in this world, Ethan couldn’t harm her here. Not once in two weeks had she sensed Ethan anywhere near. She’d wondered whether Buffy knew anything about the man, about Giles’ past, but seeing as how she and Giles hadn’t gotten together, she didn’t want to bring up any delicate subjects. Giles’, she knew, would be protective of his past, of the pact.

Elizabeth wondered just how much Buffy knew. The two of them had begun to share a great affinity with each other, feeling what the other felt, seeing what the other saw and sometimes even knowing what the other thought. At first it was a blurry, indistinct thing, but it grew clearer and stronger the more time they spent together, though it was still hard to decipher at times. It was strange. Buffy seemed to be getting the worse deal, though, because as she experienced most of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, Elizabeth’s symptoms disappeared.

As Buffy got dressed, Elizabeth went down stairs to call Giles. She made the call and wandered though the house. Thankfully Joyce had gone ahead to LA the week before. She stopped as she got to the kitchen and laughed. The cupboards were open and the fridge had been ransacked, there was a multitude of foods left out, some tried, all rejected. The poor girl was getting the rough end of the deal, but she was taking it gracefully.

"You know, there are such things as contraception. Or were you two so busy going at it like rabbits you didn’t think?"

Well, as gracefully as could be expected.

* * * *

Giles stood in the kitchen, mixing the batter, wondering how his life had gotten so complicated. In all his years at the Watcher’s Council he had learned all sorts of useful things, killing demons, avoiding danger when not necessary, keeping the slayer alive as long as possible. He must have missed the day they taught how to tend to a slayer who was suffering through the third month of a phantom pregnancy brought on by the arrival of herself from another dimension.

He’d suffered through two weeks of morning sickness, in which he’d had to talk Buffy out of killing Elizabeth several times, but he still hadn’t been prepared to get a telephone call from Elizabeth asking if he could cook breakfast.

Life on the Hellmouth was anything but dull.

"Giles?"

He hadn’t even heard the door open.

"Look Giles, I hate to be rude, but feed me."

Buffy appeared in the doorway, her eyes searching the room, her chin pushed forward slightly as if she could smell something. She could. The moment she’d opened the door and walked in the house she had caught that scent and it had punched a hole in the middle of her stomach. She was past thinking, she had to eat. She looked into the sizzling fry pan, expecting to see large, fluffy circles.

"Giles? They don’t look like pancakes." Her stare was accusing.

"No reason they should. They’re crepes."

He set the bowl down, turned to the pan and flipped one over. He lifted another onto a plate and Buffy almost drooled as he sprinkled a light dusting of sugar over the top. Elizabeth watched with amusement. It was a good thing that this Giles had his aunt’s recipe for crepes, it was the very thing she’d felt as Buffy’s craving. When he lifted a slice of lemon Buffy protested.

"Giles? What are you doing? Don’t put that on… oh! You squeezed lemon juice on a perfectly good pan… crepe!" She knew she was whining but couldn’t help it.

Giles shrugged as he rolled it up and then stepped over to her. He lifted it to her mouth and she looked at him as if he were crazy.

"Trust me."

Buffy closed her eyes and took a bite. The sugar had dissolved into the juice, creating a hot, sweet but tart liquid that coated her tongue. She could have died happy at that very moment. Her eyes opened and she took the rest of it from his fingers. It disappeared.

"More."

Neither Buffy nor Giles noticed when Elizabeth slipped out of the kitchen. Buffy was too intent on eating, which she did at a faster rate than Giles could cook. Whoever had had the disgusting idea to mix lemon juice and sugar together on a hot pancake deserved to be knighted.

Giles was in a world of his own. He was watching the different reactions on Buffy’s face as she ate. It was just another one of those times he would place in his memory bank. She was beautiful. His mind danced with thoughts of what they’d told him.

In the other world, Elizabeth and Rupert had gotten together. He was married to Buffy, they were having a child. The possibility made his mind boggle. A thought occurred to him, then, what had they done about Ethan? Something Xander had said to him that first night came back to him. Is that why they were all dead? Had Ethan stooped so low? There was no doubt in his mind that that’s exactly what had happened.

Rupert had been brave enough to break the pact. A stupid, ignorant pact made before he’d really known what he was getting into, but binding nonetheless. Although, he couldn’t blame this other version of himself, he knew if Buffy asked him to, he wouldn’t waste a second thinking about it. Giles began to wonder how much Elizabeth really knew of the subject. He decided to talk to her, later, when there was no one else around.

"Uh, Giles? Hey crepe man? Speed it up, Elizabeth is eating for two here!"

* * * *

It was becoming easier and easier to accept that she didn’t live here, that this was not her place anymore. Elizabeth was becoming comfortable in Giles’ house, it didn’t come as such a shock that all her little things were not where they should be. That the place lacked her touch in every room. She walked around the living room almost without thinking about it. Picking up the phone, she decided it wasn’t too early to call.

It rang three times.

"Hello?" His voice was still hazy with sleep.

"Xander, hi."

"Buffy?" Pause. "No. Elizabeth? Should have known. What’s up?"

"Besides the obvious? Nothing much, just wanted to talk. Z’that okay?"

"Sure."

It wasn’t the first time that Elizabeth had called him, or pulled him away from the others to talk alone. She felt more comfortable with him, which wasn’t surprising considering that the others were all dead in her world. He would have felt the same, if it had been him, in fact, he would probably be a quivering pile of jelly if it was him.

Something about Elizabeth was infinitely different than Buffy, he couldn’t identify it, but it was there. They were two different people. He wasn’t attracted to Elizabeth, not in the same way he was with Buffy, he didn’t know why. Between them was a close connection that he respected. They talked. Not about much, not anything specific, but it was as if she needed to hear his voice.

She’d told him some of what had happened. Not the exact details, but enough for him to know that the others were dead and it had been him, Xander, that had helped keep her head above water when all she’d wanted to do was give up.

Before he knew what he was doing, he’d told her about his never ending crush on Buffy. It was embarrassing, telling Elizabeth, who was essentially Buffy, but she surprised him. In her world, apparently, he had felt the same, until she’d moved in with Giles, it had become apparent that they were together, and Xander had respected that.

He, himself, could not quite imagine accepting it. The thought of Buffy and Giles together like that was still creeping him out. He had enough visual images to keep him in therapy well into old age.

* * * *

"Buffy? Where do you think Giles keeps his pans?"

"Don’t know." Came the muffled reply from the table. "Don’t really care right now."

This being Buffy’s last night before she had to join her mother in LA, Buffy, Willow and Elizabeth were making a special dinner. At least, that was the plan. Elizabeth had begun a search for anything to ease her queasy feelings. Buffy was hunched over the kitchen table trying not to give in to Elizabeth’s queasiness. Willow was the only one actively cooking.

Xander and Giles had been designated video and disgustingly sweet dessert collectors. They’d been sent out into the big bad world with dire threats not to bother coming back unless they had a video guaranteed to make them cry. And they hadn’t meant with boredom or frustration. Nor were they to come back without something to make a dentist cry.

"Try the tray underneath the oven." Elizabeth walked into the kitchen. "Hey, Buff, what are these?"

She held up two small bottles of pills. They each had a slightly faded label, clearly prescribing them to Giles. Buffy took them out of her hands and looked at them closely. Willow tried to look busy as she sliced potatoes.

"They’re dated last summer. I… oh." Buffy let her gaze drop to the floor. He’d never told her that things had been so bad he’d needed heavy painkillers such as these. Then again, she’d never asked.

"What? What happened last summer?"

Elizabeth reached out to grab Buffy’s hand, but Buffy stepped back quickly. She didn’t want to tell Elizabeth the whole truth, it shamed her to think that she’d treated Giles so shabbily, that things had gone so wrong for everyone because of her.

"Buffy? What’s going on?" Elizabeth could see she was getting nowhere. She tried another tactic. "Willow? Will you tell me what’s going on?"

"Hey! Did you guys hear that? Maybe they’re home! I’ll go check!" Willow didn’t run out of the kitchen, but it was a pretty good imitation of it.

"Willow?"

"Oh look at the grass outside! I’m just going to go watch it grow. Um… see ya!"

The front door closed loudly. Elizabeth looked straight at Buffy.

"What aren’t you telling me?"

Buffy didn’t say anything, she gestured for Elizabeth to sit down. Lifting the shirt from her neck, Buffy traced a finger over the puckered scar that was there. Elizabeth looked puzzled, she’d noticed the scar the very first night, but after Buffy had told her how the Master had killed her, had assumed that that was the cause.

"Angel."

"The vampire? He fed off you? And Giles?"

"Didn’t exactly feed off him, more like tortured him."

Buffy closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against Elizabeth’s. The two girls were silent for a very long time as Buffy thought about everything she had gone through with Angel, not holding anything back, not even the most painful moments.

Suddenly Elizabeth jumped back.

"You did that? You did that to Rupert?"

Buffy stared open mouthed. She blamed herself, had been asking herself the very same questions and, eerily, in that very same voice. Yet it was a different thing altogether to have the blame solidified and spoken. It made things real in a way they never had been before.

"I… I didn’t know!"

"You didn’t know? You didn’t…? That’s no excuse! Angel was a vampire."

"Maybe so," Even though the passion in her voice was strong, Buffy still sounded small and hurt. "but I loved him!"

"Loved him? He killed your Jenny! Staking him the night I found out was the best thing I ever did."

She’d gone too far, Elizabeth knew this, no matter how angry she was, saying these words with a spite that tasted bitter was not the right thing to do. It was cruel. She had felt all the guilt that Buffy had been carrying, had felt all the pain, the self-hatred and shame. Could see it in Buffy’s eyes when she mentioned Jenny’s name.

"Yes," Buffy spoke coldly. "That must be why everything is going so well in your world."

"You have no clue, do you?" Elizabeth was trying not to raise her voice. It wasn’t anger she realized, but a pure, hopeless grief. "He’s alive. You still have him and yet you treat him like he’s not worth a damn! How can you be so blind?" She let herself droop in defeat. "He’s alive and you don’t even see it."

* * * *

"I still say we should have gotten that movie about the war."

"Giles, nobody wants to watch Cher have tea with some dead Italian dictator guy. Trust me."

Xander sat in the passenger seat nursing the cartons of ice cream while juggling the video covers.

"Oh yes, of course not. They’d much rather watch a horse with no head."

"The horse has a head, at least I’m pretty sure it does, it’s the horseman that has no head."

"Right, silly me."

After much debate, they’d settled on copies of ‘Sleepy Hollow’ and ‘Happy Texas’. Xander had thought they could all appreciate the mystery of a supernatural cause, plus he’d had a secret thing for Christina Ricci since ‘The Opposite of Sex’. Giles had wanted a comedy, for some reason he felt that it might be needed that night.

As the car drove into Giles’ drive, they were both surprised to see Willow sitting outside his door. As they got out of the car, she came over to them, looking somewhat guilty.

"Willow? Is anything wrong?"

"No… well, yeah. Buffy’s telling Elizabeth all about Angel."

This revelation wasn’t lost on either of them. Xander gulped audibly. Giles looked at the door as if he could see right through it. He stepped forward.

"It’s not going well?"

"There was a lot of shouting before, but it’s been quiet for a while now." Willow took the bags from Giles’ hands. "I think maybe you should go and talk to them."

Giles closed the door behind him. Xander stood looking at Willow for several seconds.

"Doesn’t Mommy love Mommy anymore?"

Willow hit him in the arm with a video.

* * * *

He found them in the kitchen, sitting across from each other at the table. It unnerved him. They looked like a mirror, or a negative and the original, sitting there like that. Their hands were clasped tightly in the middle and their eyes stared into each other. Neither said a word, but one would tense and then the other would follow.

It was like a game of psychic tennis. Without knowing how he knew, he could tell that they were sending images and thoughts to each other. From what he could tell the session was intense and it wasn’t a happy one.

"Buffy? Elizabeth?"

Neither seemed to hear him.

"Uh, ladies?"

Not even a flicker of an eyelid.

"I’ll go then shall I?"

* * * *

Buffy received an image of their wedding day, complete with happy scooby gang. It was a fantasy she had had to stop herself having for so long. A happy wedding, with all her friends there. She could see each separate piece of confetti as it fluttered past her eyes, could hear Willow in her bridesmaid’s dress declare that rice and confetti was cruel to the birds and that they should all be throwing dried rose petals like her. Buffy could smell the green scent of the bouquet in her arms, feel the heavy swish of the dress that rode her hips as if it were made for her. She could see the happy faces of all those she loved, felt the sorrow at the thought that Joyce couldn’t be there. Buffy countered with an image all her own.

Elizabeth gasped as she felt the overwhelming confusion, the guilt of keeping Angel from Giles. She also felt the fear, the fear that telling Giles would cause him more pain. Knowing Angelus had been sent to hell had been, at least in Buffy’s opinion, one of the things that had made it possible for Giles to survive. Shattering that comfort would have shattered him, so she’d kept it quiet. Elizabeth felt the almost painful pull of wanting to tell him, to confide in him, but not being able to, for his sake.

Buffy could have cried when she came across Oz’s body. She felt the encompassing grief mingled with the guilt and hatred. Knowing that he had died was different than actually seeing it, feeling it. Buffy could feel something else too, a seething anger that was being tempered by a weary acceptance. No, not acceptance, just a realization that there was nothing she could do to stop the agony. It was directed at a single person, she didn’t know who.

Elizabeth could not believe the cruelty with which Jenny had been killed. The set up, the elaborate detail with which the scene had been set. She could feel Buffy’s sympathy for Giles pour out of her veins. The agony and guilt at the realization, the why of it all. The truth couldn’t be glossed over. Jenny was trying to help and had gotten killed for it. It took her breath away.

This was a scene Buffy had not been expecting. Something so painful, so secret, that it hurt her just to think of it. Less than a month after their wedding and Elizabeth and Rupert were experiencing their first bout of grief. True grief, true loss. Lying on a hospital trolley, trying not to think about the searing pain in her belly, Buffy could feel the thing being torn from inside her. Elizabeth had been pregnant before. Less than a month old, it had barely been alive, hadn’t even started to form, but they’d known it was there. They knew when it wasn’t.

It felt to Elizabeth like she was being raped. She had felt the need to save Angel, had felt the desperation. Forcing him to drink from her was the only option, and yet the moment it happened, the very second Angel had turned and sunk his teeth, she had known it was a mistake. He’d lost every inch of him that had made him seem human and become truly animal. The fierce hold, the deep draughts he sucked out of her, with no regard to her at all. It was brutal. Elizabeth felt as if she were laying on the ground, beneath him, hearing the slurping, the disgusting moans of indulgence. She felt the panic, felt every inch of her scream with pain as the blood was being drawn, her heart pounding with the desperate need to stay alive. Finally she felt the sweet blackness descend.

Buffy knew that room, she knew the sofa and she knew the arms that surrounded her. She even knew the salty taste that flooded her mouth. The tears were flowing strong and hard, Giles’ arms around her, keeping her from losing control. She could hear his muffled whispers of comfort, tainted with his own grief, his own pain. Buffy could hear her own voice, telling him how afraid she was, how she couldn’t survive without the others. She was trying to explain to him how it couldn’t work like this, that they couldn’t go on like this, that it was not possible. That this should never have happened. Buffy could feel the fear like ice in her veins. Elizabeth had truly been afraid for her life, for Giles’ life, for the life of her unborn child. She’d been consumed with guilt for the loss of Willow, Oz and Joyce. Giles was, Buffy felt, the only person Elizabeth loved with all her heart, and the thought of her causing his death was enough to send searing jolts of pain to her head.

Elizabeth felt giddy. It was strange, almost exciting, hearing other people’s thoughts before they spoke the lies to cover them up. Then it got to be a roar of uncontrollable voices. One thing stuck out, took her breath away. Joyce was standing in front of her, trying to get away, Buffy’s questions bringing to the front of her mind the one thing she wanted to hide the most. What Joyce had thought, what she’d remembered, made Elizabeth want to scream. They’d slept together? Joyce and Giles? She could feel Buffy’s heart break at the realization, could feel the confusion as Buffy wondered why she felt so strongly about it.

There was no sight, touch or smell attached to this memory, it was all sound. Buffy could hear herself on the telephone, a desperate pleading voice. Elizabeth had been so hopeful, Buffy could feel it, though she’d tried countless times before. She could hear herself begging her father to come to the wedding, to be there on the day. Hank’s voice was cold and distant as he flatly refused. He didn’t want her to marry Giles and if she went through with it, he wanted no part in her future. The last sound Buffy heard before the memory faded was the sound of her own pleas turning into sobs.

Never before had Elizabeth felt so weak, so helpless without her strength. Never before had she felt so betrayed as she looked at Giles standing across from her in the library, the hated syringe in a box that he had given her. He’d done it, he’d drugged her, taken away her powers and betrayed her beyond anything she’d ever known. It wasn’t really what he’d done, but how he’d done it. The very foundations of everything she’d known were crumbling. If she couldn’t trust Giles, who could be trusted? If she could be betrayed by Giles, then nothing in the world was sacred anymore.

They broke hands and breathed deeply, as if they’d been underwater for a long time. Neither could believe the torrent of emotions they’d just gone through. Both felt extremely tired, though, as if they’d just run a marathon.

"Wow." Buffy gasped.

"I’ll second that."

* * * *

Giles leaned forward to pick up his cup from the coffee table, it didn’t surprise him when Buffy jerked forward from her place on the floor and handed it to him. She’d been extremely attentive all night. It made him wonder that the girls had discussed beforehand.

They’d managed to salvage the meal and to fool themselves into thinking that nothing had happened. Everybody was being just a little too polite, a little too careful of what they said and how they said it. Giles, Xander and Elizabeth sat on the sofa, while Buffy and Willow sprawled over the floor in front of them. The first movie had managed to draw them in, but they could all feel the tension in the air.

As the credits began to roll, they moved as one to stand and stretch.

"Hey Buff? What’s she like?" Willow yawned to Buffy. "The woman your Dad’s marrying."

"Nice. At least she was when I was little. Sarah. She was Mom’s friend to start with, but things changed. She used to call me Enny, when I was a kid."

Buffy and Elizabeth, still reeling from earlier, managed to override their awkwardness and share a secret look.

"Uh, why Enny?" Xander broke in.

"She always used to say that…" Buffy didn’t need to finish the sentence.

"We reminded her of the Energizer Bunny. We never sat still." Elizabeth sighed, she was particularly tired that night, for some reason. Buffy gave her a strange look as she crossed the room and put on her jacket.

"I’m gonna do a quick patrol, wake myself up a bit, will you all be awake when I get back? ‘Cause, ya know, I’ll be upset if my friends snooze on me the night before I have to play bridesmaid in LA."

"You shouldn’t be out alone, not in your condition." Giles saw his chance. It had been running through his head all day, this big question mark called Ethan. "Xander, Willow, why don’t you go with her?"

"As appealing as that sounds…" Xander noticed the looks that Giles was sending him. "Yes, why don’t we? Will?"

They all headed out the door. When they had gone Giles turned to Elizabeth.

"So tell me, how’s Ethan doing?"

* * * *

The night was quiet, eerily so, they hadn’t seen anyone near the cemetery, let alone a vamp. It was sure to be a quick patrol. Buffy was walking slowly, carefully, as if she were unsure of where she was and where she was going. She felt trapped, as if she wanted to escape but didn’t know what from. Xander and Willow chatted about nothing in particular, anything but the day that had just passed.

"How long will you be gone, Buffy?" Willow’s voice penetrated her thoughts.

"Taking in the rehearsals, the day itself and the fact that Mom wants to stay and play social butterfly afterwards, I’d say about a week."

"Your Mom sure is taking this well. I don’t think I could stand and watch my ex-husband remarry."

Both Buffy and Willow looked strangely at Xander.

"I don’t think that’s a situation you have to worry about." Buffy grinned as Willow tried not to giggle. "Unless, of course, there’s something you’d like to share with us."

"Very funny. Really. The two of you, you should be comedians."

They laughed, but it was an uneasy laughter.

"I don’t think Mom really cares, one way or another, but she’s been looking for an excuse to get back and see all her old friends. But it’s like…"

Buffy sighed and she trailed off. In the light of what was happening, her worries and quibbles seemed petty. Willow stopped walking and faced Buffy head on, Xander followed suit. They wanted to hear what she had to say, and that made her feel the slightest bit better.

"I don’t know. It’s good that she’s moving on and all, but a part of me wants her to wig just a little. I mean, he’s getting married and she doesn’t care!"

"She does Buffy," Willow’s voice was soft and calm, it made things sound logical. "Just not in the way she used to."

They kept on walking, the three of them silent and deep within their own thoughts. When they next looked up they were standing outside Giles’. Nobody made a move to step forward. Finally Willow spoke.

"Another round of the block?"

Buffy and Xander nodded.

"What do you think they’re talking about?"

* * * *

There was no getting out of this. Obviously Giles wanted to know and Elizabeth was going to have to tell him the truth sooner or later. She stood up and walked over to the stack of books, pulling out the one she wanted. She opened it to the right page and handed it to him.

"It’s a basic revocation spell, we’ll need to taint it with some heavy Kepson influences, but it should work."

Giles looked at the pages, then back at her. His face was a mixture of confusion and disappointment. She wished he wouldn’t look at her like that, so much like the way Rupert had looked. Elizabeth didn’t think she could take his disapproval after all she’d been through, no matter how much she deserved it.

"Why?"

He didn’t need to complete the sentence, they both understood what he meant. Elizabeth looked him straight in the eye and he saw a look of pure misery. He’d seen it before and knew he could not resist it, not now and certainly not when it belonged to Buffy.

"I didn’t want to go back. It was selfish, I know, but I couldn’t. I mean, you’re all here, there’s virtually no danger. It’s safer here. I didn’t… I couldn’t…"

Tears rose in choked sobs and Elizabeth couldn’t control them. Giles led her back to the sofa and let her pain ooze out, seeping from her with every breath.

"Tell me about Ethan. What did he do?"

There was no way to avoid it, so she told him.

NEXT