Title: The Surrogate 4/19
Author: Jacqui
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Buffy, Giles and all other assorted Buffy candies belong to Joss Whedon, WB and ME. Elizabeth, and everything from her world, belongs to me (the real me, not the ‘grr aargh’ ME .
Notes: The B/G vibes are starting. Woohoo.

Feedback: Give me a happy. wily_one24@yahoo.com.au

Giles pinched the skin between his eyes. He stared down at the table in front of him and frowned. The letters weren’t making sense, he couldn’t make anything viable out of the jumble in front of him. Suddenly he grinned.

"Of course!"

He reached out and adjusted the letters. When he sat back he looked extremely proud of himself. Elizabeth flinched.

"Double word score, plus I used all my letters, dear girl, add it up!"

"You can’t add ‘phagous’ to ‘zoo’. It’s not fair!"

Giles just grinned at Elizabeth.

"Says the girl who added ‘x’ and ‘y’ to ‘lose’ to make ‘xylose’ a triple word score. ‘Zoophagous’ is a word and you know it."

Elizabeth mumbled to herself as she added up the scores. Giles was winning. He’d seemed surprised when she’d suggested they play. For the past three days, since Buffy had left, he’d been seriously agitated. He was lost without her. It would have been cute, if it wasn’t so annoying.

She’d agreed to move back here while Joyce and Buffy were away. It wasn’t so hard, now that she had accepted that Giles and her Rupert were two different people, and since she’d told Giles the truth, she seemed more comfortable around him. Giles had grinned when he realized she was a worthy scrabble opponent, he hadn’t realized the amount of practice she’d had.

Suddenly a very uneasy feeling grew in her stomach and she looked down at it, holding it with her left hand. A worried look flashed over her face and Giles was immediately alert.

"What? What’s wrong?"

"Nothing." Elizabeth tried to relax, the feeling had passed, but she was still over anxious, considering what had happened before. "It was nothing, a twinge is all."

She returned to look at her own letters and groaned. There was no way she could win now. If only she’d kept that blank tile for a better use. A frown appeared on her forehead and she kept her eyes focused on the table, she could feel his worried eyes on her and she didn’t want to look up.

"Aha! I’ll just put this ‘n, e, c’ in front, and this ‘c and y’ in back. And I have turned your "Roman" into magic."

He nodded at her, then looked at the board again.

"Necromancy, good word."

He jumped forward when he looked up, she was leaning back and was holding her stomach with both hands now. The strangest look of bewilderment was on her face. It was that moment when the telephone decided to ring. He was torn between two actions.

"Answer it Giles, it’s Buffy. I’m alright, really."

Even though he knew the two girls were empathetic to an extreme degree, he was still surprised when he heard Buffy’s familiar voice on the other end.

"Giles? Guess what?"

"Buffy, hello, ah… aren’t you supposed to be at a wedding reception right now?"

"Yes, yes I am." Her voice was breathless and excited. "But I had to duck out and call. I couldn’t stop myself. I felt it move! Giles, I felt our baby move!"

Giles turned to face Elizabeth with raised eyebrows. She was grinning and nodded back excitedly. That was when he heard angry, muffled voices on the telephone. He realized who it was and groaned when he heard Joyce’s enraged voice.

"You what? What did I hear you say to that man? You better be joking young lady!"

Buffy’s voice was rushed and slightly frightened when she came back.

"Look Giles, I gotta go. I’ll call you back."

"No you won’t, missy, you tell me what’s going on right now, or I’ll…"

The line went dead and Giles only hoped that Buffy could calm her mother down enough to tell her the truth, or at least part of it. He wished he was there to soften the blow or, on second thought, that might not be such a good idea. Joyce’s anger at him must equal the thrill he had gotten when he heard those magical words, the same ones Joyce had heard.

Giles, I felt our baby move!

"Giles?" Elizabeth’s voice came from the sofa. "I suddenly don’t feel well."

* * * *

Buffy lowered her eyelids at the same speed with which she lowered the receiver. Behind them, what sounded like far away but was in reality just a wall away, she could hear the sounds of the reception. Bad music, bad food, bad conversation and everyone having fun. She could feel the anger radiate from her mother, it was a static wave of heat aimed at her back. Slowly, she turned around.

"Buffy? Would you like to tell me something? No, of course not. If you were going to tell me, then I’d know by now. How could you be so irresponsible? Didn’t you learn anything last time?"

Joyce’s voice had passed angry and was well on its way to hysterical. Buffy tried to interrupt, or at least quiet her down somewhat, but Joyce would have none of it.

"And with that man, too, of all people. How far? If you’re feeling it move it must be something like three or four months. Buffy, how could you? I should have known, all the signs were there, your mood swings, your strange appetite, the throwing up. I can’t believe you’re pregnant with Mr. Giles!"

"What?!"

Both Joyce and Buffy cringed inwardly as they turned to face the interloper. Of all the people to come by and hear the conversation at that particular point, they could not have chosen worse. Buffy wondered briefly if it was ever excusable for the Bridesmaid to flee the reception before the speeches.

"Cordelia?"

"You’re pregnant? With Giles?"

Upon arrival in LA Buffy had discovered that an inexorable gap had grown between her and her old friends, she really didn’t get along with her mother’s old friends and that the people she truly wanted to be with were stuck in Sunnydale. Added to that was a gnawing ache in the pit of her stomach, a buzzing pain that pulled at her. It was like part of her had been ripped out and was being held hostage in Sunnydale to ensure her return. In desperation Buffy had invited Cordelia to the wedding so that she’d have someone to talk to. A plan that was now backfiring hideously.

"Buffy, I want an explanation." Joyce glared at her, ignoring Cordelia.

"Wait. Both of you, it’s not what it sounds like. I’m not pregnant. Well, not totally, not even me really. Not me, me, but the other me. Elizabeth, she’s the one that’s having the baby. And it’s not Giles’ baby, it’s the other one, Rupert, that’s the father. Although, I can feel it, sometimes it’s really real. Sometimes I like to think that it’s real, and then I keep wanting to wake up from this nightmare, but I don’t because it is real, even though it’s not. Real, that is. Am I making any sense? Probably not, I feel kind of dizzy… and… I think I need to sit down."

She felt herself swoon and her knees buckle under her. Her vision blurred, the shapes surrounding her bled into one another and lurched sickeningly. The floor began to rush up at her, but she was caught by Joyce before she hit the ground, she felt heavy all of a sudden as if she were made of lead. Her eyes rolled back into her head as the room around her went black.

"Buffy!"

Joyce stumbled under the sudden weight and Cordelia rushed to help. They sat Buffy down on the ground, leaning her up against the wall as they tried to revive her. Joyce was about to order Cordy to get help, call 911, something, when the prone form jerked awake. Buffy blinked several times, trying to establish how she’d gotten to the floor from her standing position.

"Ohh, that was so not good." She closed her eyes and tried to sense whether Elizabeth was okay, she got a vague sense of smelling salts, tea and a hovering Giles. "Help me up, please?"

"Are you sure? Buffy, what’s going on?" Joyce tried to stay calm. Everything was happening a little too fast for her liking, and the biggest case of guilt was forming about her shoulders. She’d been yelling at Buffy just before this had happened.

"It’s okay, Mom, really, I’m fine. Just…" Buffy struggled to get up while not fainting again. "Let’s sit down for a while, huh?"

They ushered her back into the reception and to a quiet table. Cordelia managed to get a glass of juice and thrust it at her, while Joyce hovered and fussed like the mother hen she was. Sighing, Buffy tried to collect her thoughts enough to tell them what was going on, something a lot more coherent than she’d just uttered. Every muscle in her body seemed to be weighted, as if pushing itself through some thick ooze.

"Once upon a time…" She grinned weakly at her own joke while her trembling fingers clutched at the glass. Neither Joyce nor Cordelia laughed, they both sat looking at her with twin expressions of worry and curiosity. Buffy coughed pointedly and continued.

The story took longer than she expected it to and she left certain things out, such as the fact that the whole experience was giving her way naughty thoughts about Giles, and for the first time she thought he might reciprocate them.

For such a far fetched explanation, neither woman seemed that likely to doubt it. A side effect of living on the Hellmouth too long, Buffy supposed. It was still weird, though, to tell people about alternative selves popping in to say hello through portals from other worlds and to have them believe you out of hand. She got so distracted with that thought, she didn’t pay attention to what she was saying.

"It seems a bit far fetched, don’t you think? Me and Giles?"

Joyce sniffed loudly, but she didn’t say anything under her glare. Cordelia, however, managed to say exactly what both of them thought.

"Oblivious much?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Buffy snapped her head around to face her old classmate.

"It means, Buffy," Joyce said calmly, "That the rest of us feel as if we’re living in our own private Nabokov novel. Maybe you don’t realize it, but…"

"But what?" Somehow it didn’t please Buffy that what she’d wanted to happen was being confirmed for her. It made it all so public, cheapened it somehow. "Nothing has happened between us! You’re the one who slept with him!"

The last sentence was flung out with a spite Buffy didn’t know she’d been holding. Suddenly she recognized her own jealousy for what it was. Cordelia’s eyes grew wide with surprise. Joyce’s eyes narrowed.

"That, young lady, despite being none of your business, was something that neither of us could control. You know what happened."

It was a deep regret that made Joyce so defensive. For that night she’d lost all her senses, had found herself drowning in all her long banished doubts and insecurities. As an adult you weren’t supposed to have teenage problems, the inability to make reasoned decisions instead of flying into one desperate attempt to grow up after another.

At the time it had seemed the only reasonable thing to do. Later, though, Joyce had been plagued by a deep guilt that burned. Maybe Buffy had suppressed it, and Giles hid it like a gentleman, but her own Mom generated radar had long ago picked up on the interaction between the two. She had imposed herself, broken into a territory in which she, most certainly, did not belong.

Just once, her drug addled brain had screamed at her, she had the opportunity to be a part of her daughter’s life, to taste whatever it was that kept Buffy high. What she hadn’t told Buffy, what she never would, was that she suspected the only reason Giles had come to her, was that she was the closest thing he could have to Buffy.

"You what?!" Cordelia had no idea what they were talking about. She focused her intense gaze upon Joyce, who found herself stammering.

"Yes, well, that’s not the issue here, is it? We were talking about this Elizabeth person. She’s living with us?" Please drop the subject, please, begged Joyce’s brain. It was a topic she could barely discuss with Buffy, she certainly wasn’t going to do it in front of Cordelia, or anybody else.

"She was, now she’s living with Giles. We…" Buffy paused, thought better of the term and started again. "I decided that it might make things easier for everyone if I moved in with them. Just until Elizabeth finds a way to get home. It’s closer to the university than home, and it might confuse the other students in the dorm when I’m going through pregnancy without an actual pregnancy."

She was ranting now, she knew it, but she was still so nervous of Joyce’s reaction that she couldn’t help herself. Of all the times she’d imagined this conversation, it hadn’t ever occurred like this. Buffy looked at Joyce with a pleading expression. Joyce looked thoughtful for a moment.

"She’s having my granddaughter?"

* * * *

Elizabeth lay on the sofa, watching amused as the three of them struggled with the stand from the double bed. Xander was at the top of the stairs holding on to the end of it, Willow was in the middle, standing awkwardly as she tried to keep the middle from hitting the walls or the rails, Giles was struggling at the bottom of the stairs, his face red and puffed.

"I could help, you know."

"No!"

Giles puffed his protest. Ever since the call, the night before, when she’d fainted momentarily, he’d been overly protective of her, making sure she didn’t exert herself too much. He would get her everything she needed, do everything before she could. He wouldn’t let her do anything. Half the time it made her smile, the other half it annoyed her beyond belief. It all depended on her hormones, which weren’t stable by any means at the moment.

"It’s okay, we’ve got it."

"I really don’t think we have Giles," Willow’s voice sounded strained. "I’m gonna injure something if we don’t get this down soon."

"I’ll just shift it a little this way, Will… uh oh."

"Xander? What do you mean ‘uh oh’."

"It won’t move."

"Xander? I’m stuck between a brass bed head and a wall, my back is twisted. You better be joking…"

Giles hefted the thing as hard as he could but stopped when Willow let out a squeal of protest. He looked over his shoulder and glowered up the stairs.

"Xander, when we get this thing down, I’m personally going to hurt you."

"Heh, heh," Xander tried to smile. "That doesn’t sound like a joke to me."

"I wonder why."

By this time Elizabeth had gotten up and reached the stairs. She stood just in the middle and reached over the railings. Willow wasn’t in too much pain, that she knew, and the whole scene was comical to the extreme. She couldn’t help laughing. The other three, however, didn’t really see the funny side right now.

She grasped the bed head and yanked it free of whatever had obstructed it, then gently helped the others guide it down. There was one point she couldn’t help but bring up, although she didn’t relish the glares she knew she would get from the others.

"You know, you’re only going to have to move this back up there. Eventually."

She wasn’t wrong about the glares.

They were in the process of changing Giles’ spare room into a room for two. For months it had been arranged that Buffy and Willow would start moving into the college dorms the week after Hank’s wedding. Just before she’d left for LA, however, Giles had suggested to her that it might be more reasonable for her to move in with him while Elizabeth was in town. So now came the really fun task of taking out the double bed, replacing it with two singles, and generally rearranging Giles’ life.

He didn’t mind, it was slightly thrilling and it was a much more practical arrangement for slaying purposes. He refused to admit to himself that he was just pleased at the prospect of having her there and he certainly wouldn’t admit to his plans of asking her to stay once, and if, Elizabeth left.

Willow was only slightly disappointed, she’d been looking forward to living in the dorms with Buffy, but this arrangement made her smile on the inside. Ever since Elizabeth had come, she’d had a lot more fire to fuel her sneaking suspicions that Buffy and Giles would make a great couple. Not that she would admit it out loud. Her fear of living in the dorms alone, however, was something she felt free to voice out loud. Repeatedly. To anyone who would listen.

It was one more thing which Buffy would have to convince Joyce to agree to. Giles only wished he knew how the conversation, or should he say argument, had gone. Buffy had not called back. He did not know how Joyce would react, he wasn’t stupid, he knew Joyce still blamed him for things that weren’t his fault. He stared at the large, awkward thing in the middle of his living room.

"I think we need a break. Tea, anyone?"

Loud noises of approval answered him. Nobody noticed the figure in the doorway.

"Doing some redecorating? You know, I really don’t think the bed goes with that sofa."

They all turned towards the door and spoke at once.

"Buffy!"

"Yup!" She grinned and let her bag fall to the floor, then stepped back out the door to heave the rest of her luggage in. "I came right from the airport. Thought I’d surprise ya."

"You did. Buffy, you weren’t supposed to be home for another three days. How did you explain to you mother…?"

Giles let the question peter out and relief flood his senses. Ever since the previous night he’d done nothing but worry about her, Elizabeth had assured him that she was alright, but he hadn’t been able to let the matter rest. He was also slightly worried at the fact that Buffy had come home so early, had she and Joyce fought? They did that sometimes, he knew, and he could only imagine the battle of will between the two. If Joyce was anywhere near as stubborn as Buffy, and he suspected she might be, it would be a sight to behold. Or not.

"Apparently fainting works wonders for parental anger, she was too worried to be angry. I told her exactly what was going on. She took it pretty well, actually she was great about the whole thing. She even agreed with me that it would be better for me to come back early and to live here while Elizabeth does. It’s very strange."

As she talked, Buffy made her way across the room to Elizabeth, her eyes asking a silent question. Elizabeth nodded and Buffy knelt down and placed her ear on the other girl’s stomach. It was there, she could hear it, more than was possible. She heard the rush of fluids, the regular little beat of the heart. In the pit of her own belly, Buffy could feel the little knot of tingling unease melt and disappear. Being here, with Elizabeth, stopped the annoying hum that had plagued her.

"Uh, Buff?" Xander came up behind her. "You know, not that I judge at all, but what’s with the cap? Sudden interest in sport?"

Buffy blushed and raised her hand to the said baseball cap which was pushed well down over her hair.

"Ha. That. See, they braided my hair for the wedding yesterday."

Giles and Xander looked confused. Elizabeth smiled in sympathy and Willow raised her eyebrow while trying not to giggle.

"You didn’t leave it in over night, did you?"

Buffy nodded gravely.

"Why would that…? Xander didn’t get to finish, Buffy had reached up and taken the cap off, he jumped back. "Aaaarrggggh!!! Kill it! Kill it!"

Giles coughed and looked at the ground. Buffy reached over and hit Xander with the cap before putting it back on her head.

"Needless to say, I intend to wash it every hour on the hour. So what’s been happening while I was gone? Save the world, stop the apocalypse?" They all looked at her. "Kill a few demons? A vampire or two?" The kept looking at her. "Pass a nasty dog on the street? Do I have to do all the work around here?"

* * * *

Willow and Xander had left for the night, headed over to Willow’s house to get things ready for the big move to the dorms the next day. Giles had put his foot down and refused to let Elizabeth or Buffy out of the house. This had led to a loud argument about the word ‘let’ and Giles’ power to use it. Eventually he had backed down, admitting that he was in the wrong and that he had no hold over the girls. At which time Buffy smiled sweetly, relishing the taste of victory, and remarked that she really didn’t feel like leaving anyway, the trip had tired her out and she was going to take a nap.

Giles had grumbled to himself as he began to wash the dishes, Willow and Xander had tried not to giggle out loud as they left and Elizabeth smiled wistfully as she watched Buffy climb the stairs. Their room had been organized, at least enough to make it habitable.

Now Elizabeth walked over to the kitchen to watch Giles as he fussed over the cleaning. The hunger to have Rupert back was almost over powering. If only he knew how much every gesture, every nuance of expression and movement, reminded her of Rupert, then he wouldn’t be so frustratingly like him. She chastised herself, it wasn’t Giles’ fault, he couldn’t help being himself.

"Don’t you think it’s time to tell her?"

Giles spluttered. He hadn’t known she was there. He’d been lost in his own world of worry, his mind ticking over the events of the last few days. In a quiet moment, Buffy had pulled him aside and told him of the curious feeling of separation she’d felt and how it had disappeared when she’d come home. Perhaps there was something in that, perhaps it may have something to do with the sudden attack they’d both had.

"I should think that’s up to you."

He was experiencing a strange feeling of being split between two actions. Of course the decision to tell Buffy was entirely in Elizabeth’s hands, but what she would reveal would make Buffy look at him differently. He wasn’t sure he could stand her anger, reproach or blame. And surely there would be all three.

"How can you say that? Giles, this has more to do with you than me. It will change everything, granted, but I think you’re underestimating her. She… she feels for you more than you think. You’re going to have to trust her. If she doesn’t know, then she’s vulnerable to Ethan when he comes. Things have changed between the two of you now, he’ll see that when he comes back. You know it."

Elizabeth watched him struggle with opposing forces. She wished she was as sure of her statement as she’d sounded. Would Buffy really understand? She’d felt the strong waves of connection between them ripple through the contact she’d had with Buffy, she knew that Buffy would stand by Giles, no matter what, but this was a very big ‘matter what’.

"Guys?" Buffy’s sleep weary voice floated to them across the kitchen, they turned around guiltily. "I just had the strangest dream about Ethan Rayne." She looked pointedly at Giles. "And I think you two are just the people who can explain it."

And, thus, the decision was well and truly taken out of their hands.

Seated at the kitchen table, the three looked at each other for several seconds, not really knowing what to say. Buffy was clearly looking for answers and she would not stop until she got them. Her eyes were wide and unflinching as they looked at Giles. It seemed to him that they could reach in and see to the depths of his soul. Sensing that Giles wouldn’t, or couldn’t, begin Elizabeth was the first to speak.

"It was Ethan who sent me here. It was he who caused everyone’s death. It’s complicated. I think," Elizabeth paused, she realized that this was no longer her tale to tell, in her own world maybe, but not here. "I think Giles should tell you."

Buffy looked in puzzlement from one to the other, her eyebrows arched with curiosity, her lips twitching with the unspoken questions. Giles coughed nervously and reached for her hand.

"I didn’t… you don’t… Buffy, there’s more to my past with Ethan than you know." He waited for her to pull away, when she didn’t he continued. "We knew each other before Eyghon. We trained as watchers together. He was originally supposed to be your watcher."

Buffy shook her head slowly at these words.

"It was a strange time, neither of us wanted to stay with the council, Ethan because he was scared, because he knew the responsibility would fall on him, me because I knew that the responsibility wouldn’t fall on me. I had to give away my life to train to be something that would fall upon somebody else. We both went a little wild."

"What…?" Buffy seemed a little dazed, she was trying to digest the information, but held back, knowing there was more to come. She actually dreaded what was to come.

"I’ve always been good at the theory work, Buffy, you know that. But Ethan was good at the practical, and that was what the council valued. To keep a slayer alive, you need to know how to do things, not just look them up. Either way, we both ran, as fast and as far as we could with no money and nowhere to go.

"It plagued Ethan, though, he was constantly wondering if he could have made it as a watcher, what kind of job he would have done. He told me he knew a spell, something that would allow us to see part of the future. That was the first time we dabbled seriously. The two of us, holed up in a dingy apartment in the seedy side of London, living off scraps and cigarettes, kneeling in the center of our roach infested apartment, calling to the gods to show us the future.

"It showed us you. We saw you the day you were being called, in the front of your school, with Merrick. We watched you come to terms with your destiny. It was the single most profound thing either of us had been through, being able to summon enough power to complete the spell, seeing what would one day be his fate. I think both of us were enamoured with you from that moment on."

"Wait! You saw me?" Buffy wanted to let this flow through her mind. She wanted to let it all sink in. It was strange, to hear all of this. "You watched me being called? Popular day, if I’d have known, I would have sold tickets."

It was a whisper to herself. Suddenly she didn’t really feel like sitting there, her hand encased in Giles’ warm fingers. Elizabeth watching on, not saying anything, not really needing to, she could feel Buffy’s reactions, and she knew the things that Giles was telling her.

"Neither of us knew what was going to happen, Buffy, you have to believe me. We got intoxicated with this power, this new development, soon we were into some serious conjuring, drawing on all forms of dark and mysterious powers. We were young and we didn’t understand the word ‘consequence’. We fell deeper and deeper into the dark side of things, getting stuck in a vicious cycle of self destruction.

"Ethan fell much farther than me. I think he just got too drunk with the thought of such power in his hands. He wanted to rule the spirits, he thought he could. And I, like any foolish pup, followed wherever he led. That’s how we found out about Eyghon. Ethan wanted to, so we did, despite my objections.

"We all got burned. Some more than others. The council found us and took us back in. Ethan, however, was excommunicated, I took his place in line. Funnily enough, it was the same thing that both promoted me and got him kicked out. From the whole experience I had learnt how to control the powers I had, that they needed to be controlled and that they were dangerous things to be let out. Ethan, however, didn’t feel control was a good thing, either that or he just didn’t want to. He let the powers control him and that would’ve cost more than a few lives."

Buffy had long since taken her hand from Giles, she sat there, mute, looking at him in disbelief. She did not want to hear the rest, whatever was said, whatever was done, it didn’t concern her. Of course she knew that it did, everything in the story did, but she didn’t want to admit it. What she wanted was to go back and not know, not knowing was a blissful thing.

"Before he was thrown out, he somehow came to me one night. It was killing him, the thought that he wasn’t to be a watcher anymore, more so that he wasn’t to be your watcher. I was young, Buffy, you have to understand that. I didn’t know you then, only a brief, ephemeral vision of you. If I had known, I wouldn’t have… but I didn’t.

"He came to me, pleading me. And at the time I could refuse him nothing. So when he asked for my oath, I gave it. I promised him that I would not… that we would never… no matter what our feelings. Buffy, I took the oath in blood."

Buffy stared at him, unable to formulate the words enough to tell him what she was feeling. Elizabeth could feel the anger build up, buoyed and pushed by the betrayal, the shame. It all swirled and pulsed within her, rolling over and over, boiling up.

"You…" Buffy’s face was turning red. "You gave this oath? Without ever knowing me? You gave away my life? You didn’t know me! That’s your only excuse? What about me, Giles? What about what I feel? Did you even care?"

"Buffy…" Both his voice and his eyes pleaded with her, begged her to calm down.

"No! Don’t you Buffy me! Don’t even speak to me! I can’t… I can’t deal with this now. I have to go."

Giles and Elizabeth watched as Buffy stood up, not even caring that the chair fell over with her force, she stalked out the door, slamming it loudly behind her. Giles felt something inside of him break, his shoulders slumped and all he wanted was to run after her, to make her look at him. Spit at him, curse him, hit him even, anything except the way she’d walked out on him.

"Give her time, Giles, she’ll calm down. She’s already weighing it up."

He looked at her with the desperation of a dying man.

* * * *

Buffy didn’t know where she was going, she didn’t care. As long as it was away. All this time, he’d known, he kept it from her. For several months she’d been less and less able to push away her attraction to Giles, instead she’d focused on her relationship with Angel. If she loved Angel then she couldn’t possibly love Giles, right? As usual, she’d lost sight of the picture and nearly gotten herself killed.

She’d even managed to convince herself, occasionally, that Giles had been interested in her. In her fantasies he had been. In the other world he had been. When Elizabeth had come, when she’d shown Buffy the way it could be, Buffy had began to admit to herself just how she felt. The depth of her emotion had shocked her.

Now, now she had proof, well… a sort of intangible proof that came from the natural assumptions to be drawn from the conversation she’d just had. Okay, she had suspicions, but stronger suspicions than she’d had before. That Giles did indeed feel the same way, had for a long time, and that the only thing keeping him from acting upon them was a stupid pact he’d made before she was even born. It made her seethe at the futility of it.

Ethan had been here three times that she knew of, and not once had she detected anything of the sort. Except… perhaps… Buffy recalled the factory Ethan had been manufacturing the candy in, she could still hear Ripper’s voice.

"You’re MY slayer, hit him!"

The emphasis had been on the word ‘my’. It was a comment directed, not at her, but at Ethan. Buffy saw it clearly now. The Halloween, he’d come for her, given her the dress, watched her. He hadn’t come for Giles, at all. With the Eyghon incident, he’d almost taken her out, given her over to the demon. Why? Retribution? Jealousy? The other times he’d come to check up on them, but that one time was pure spite.

She thought back to the fleeting images of her dream. Her and Giles, discussing the dangers of Ethan quietly in the darkness of their bedroom, holding each other close, performing little rituals to give a small amount of cover, revealing rituals to show them when Ethan would be near. She’d seen Willow and then Oz fall, finally she saw Giles giving his life to save her and their baby.

Only it hadn’t been her and Giles, Ethan had never had a reason to come after them, and the people they loved, it had been Elizabeth and Rupert. It had been Elizabeth that Ethan had banished from their world.

Buffy cried, and she honestly could not distinguish who she was crying for.

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