Title: The Surrogate 12/19
Author: Jacqui
Rating: G.
Disclaimer: Buffy, Giles and all other assorted Buffy candies belong to Joss Whedon, WB and ME. Elizabeth, and everything from her world, belongs to me (the real me, not the ‘grr aargh’ ME .
Notes: Ooh, time to prepare for the big day, don't you think? I couldn't help it, the angst crept in all by itself, I swear it.

Feedback: Give me a happy. wily_one24@yahoo.com.au

"You too, huh?"

Xander opened the door wider, letting Joyce and her armload of bags into the apartment. There was a strange air about him, part partner in crime, part sympathy and part excitement. Joyce tried not to look surprised to see that they were all there, Willow, Xander, Anya, Elizabeth and Cordelia.

"So, Mrs. Summers, what's going on?"

"On?"

Joyce looked at Xander, puzzled. Then she looked at everyone else in the room. They all looked at her expectantly, as if she could answer all their questions. All she knew was that she was supposed to be here for dinner, no argument, and now it seemed everyone was in on the fun.

"Why are we all here?" Willow's face could not hide her excitement, slightly tinged with fear. "Something's up, isn't it? What is it?"

Joyce's face smoothed out in confusion.

"I'm not sure, I know less than you do. All I got was a phone call from Buffy, telling me to be here."

"It's all we got, too." Even Anya was bouncing up and down in a form of confused suspension. She wasn't sure why, but she really, really wanted to know what all the secrecy was about. It was exciting. "Where are they, anyway?"

"You don't know?" Joyce dropped her shoulders in defeat. "Do you think they're alright?"

"They're fine." Cordelia's voice came from the sofa, the only person in the room to exude a calm indifference. She sat filing her nails. "I'm sure they'll be back soon."

Willow turned to stare at her, her eyes narrowed.

"You know what's going on."

Cordelia looked up, her eyes wide.

"Me? Oh no, not at all."

"Yes!" Anya stepped forward, determined to find her answer. "You're all calm and not curious like the rest of us. You know!"

"No I don't." Cordelia looked from one person to another, knowing that she had to get out of this any way she could.

"Oh, I think you do." Xander stood behind her, reaching down over the sofa and tickling her side, she shrieked and twisted away. "Tell Xander now."

"Oh! Stop! No, I don't, Xander!"

"Xander!" Anya's voice wasn't fully joking. Xander stopped, looking guilty.

"Obviously we're getting nowhere." Joyce's eyes questioned Cordy, who refused to look at her. She sighed and turned to Elizabeth, who sat in the chair with a small smile on her face. "Do you know anything about it?"

"I…" Elizabeth looked as if she were struggling to find the right words. "I don't know what's going on, but I can tell you that they're fine. In fact, Buffy feels happier right now than I've felt her in the last few months."

A dreamy smile danced over her face as she spoke, it was more than that, but how could she explain it? There was an overflow of thick, oozing contentment, a calm spreading of warmth that came from Buffy. She didn't know what was happening, but she knew it was good.

The others watched her quietly.

* * * *

Buffy sighed, she let her eyelids droop heavily, blurring her vision. She could feel the movement of the car, could feel Giles next to her, could feel the warm boxes of food in her arms. It all seemed so unreal, it was like she was drunk. Time moving slowly. In front of her the clear and distinct lines of the night lights melted into one another, the shapes began to ooze out of their skins, cars were no longer cars, people were no longer people. She felt calm, an overwhelming sense of calmness, like a gentle wave.

"I'm not even nervous." She whispered, almost as if she didn't believe her own words.

"Should you be?"

Giles was almost amused. Almost, he would have been, had it occurred to him to be so. He was too awed to really think. For some reason, she'd said yes. This, in itself, wasn't too much a stretch of the imagination, but he was a little ways off grasping the fact. He wanted to scream it out loud, roar at the top of his voice, but he daren't, he was scared of bursting some tenuous thread, or veil, that would take it all away.

"No." She looked over at him and smiled, her eyes drinking in his face, she leaned over and shyly placed a chaste kiss on his cheek, her finger caressing his throat as she did. "But usually I would be."

Giles watched her smile lazily, blinking her eyes closed again. He wondered if she realized the inherent meaning in her words, probably not, at least, not consciously, but he did. That, and the way she looked at him, made his own lips curl up in a gentle smile.

* * * *

"That's it!" Anya huffed at the table. "Now, not only am I desperate to know what's going on, I'm also hungry. They need to die. Who's with me?"

"Poor Anya." Xander ran his hand down the back of her neck. "Suspense really isn't your thing."

"Where are they?"

"I second that." Willow sat down at the table, taking a break from the pacing that she'd been doing. "I mean, they should be home now, right? What if the car broke down? What if they met with trouble? Or… or…"

She looked at everyone watching her.

"I'm being nervous ranty chick again, aren't I?"

Cordelia nodded. Elizabeth smiled.

"We need a distraction." Xander looked around, his eyes scanning the room before settling on the side of the sofa. "So, what's in the bags, Joyce?"

"Huh?" Joyce absently took the corner of her fingernail out from between her teeth, her eyes looked dazed for just a second, then cleared as she smiled. An irrepressible excitement took hold of her as she reached for the said bags. "Oh! I bought baby clothes!"

As they crowded around her, 'oohing' and 'ahhing' over tiny little cardigans and tights and booties, nobody noticed the front door open, or the two figures that stood, leaning in the doorway. Giles stood with his arms around Buffy, not quite sure why he was feeling so warm, just knowing that Buffy needed to see this. Buffy sighed. She wished she could freeze this moment, make it last forever. Here was everything she ever needed or wanted, and they were happy.

"Hey." She said softly, enjoying the way that their heads shot up. "Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?"

"Buffy!"

They moved as one, surging towards her. Buffy shrank back, instinctively pressing herself into Giles. Over the others' heads, she met Cordelia's eyes and gave a slight nod, so small that no one even noticed, but Cordelia gave an answering smile, a warm melting of her eyes as she stood back.

Buffy laughed as the bags were taken from her arms and she and Giles were led to the table. Anya and Xander began to ladle out steaming piles of Chinese on to plates, with Anya mumbling about being 'starved'. Willow hovered. Buffy could feel the aura of Joyce hovering around, like a beacon, she warmed to it. Reaching out, she grabbed Joyce's wrist, to reassure her that things were fine.

Joyce let out a shriek.

"What is that?!"

Buffy drew her hand back.

"It's… um… it's a ring."

The room went silent. Buffy could feel Giles' hands at her shoulders, steadying her, reassuring her. Then everything seemed to happen all at once. Willow grabbed Buffy's hand and began holding it at different angles, examining the ring, letting the others see it. Anya came to inspect it, confused at the sudden feeling of longing within her.

Joyce stood with her hand covering her mouth, but her eyes were warm as they looked at Buffy, tearing up, threatening to flow over. She could barely believe it. Her daughter, her baby. In all the times she'd imagined this day, this very minute, she had not pictured the man as anyone like Rupert Giles. She was not worried, however, as their eyes met. He loved Buffy and that's all that mattered, she told herself.

Elizabeth walked over and placed her arms around Buffy's neck.

"Congratulations." One word.

Willow bounced on her feet, emitting strange sounds that were almost screeches. Her face glowed. She was alternately grabbing Buffy's hands, Anya's hands and Joyce's hands, making them bounce with her. Suddenly, she turned to face Cordelia, who still stood calmly in the distance.

"I still say you knew."

Cordelia flipped her hair over her shoulder and smiled.

"Well, yeah, I knew."

* * * *

"They're screaming. You gonna write that down in your little book?"

Riley glared at Forrest.

"Look, give it a rest, would you? I'm just…"

"Following orders." Forrest and Graham both intoned after him.

"What do you think they're so excited about?" Riley tried to keep his voice neutral.

"Well, let's see." Forrest made a big show of consulting his notebook. "Last night, Papa smurf spent forty three minutes and a small fortune at the jewelry store. My guess? It's not about Wheel of Fortune."

"That doesn't mean anything." Riley looked forward.

"Today, your girlfriend and he spent sixty eight minutes within the college gymnasium."

"They were training." Pause. "And she's not my girlfriend."

"Uh huh. Then invited the whole gang around to tell them about it. Do you want me to go on?"

Riley sighed.

"No."

* * * *

"So, when's this going to happen?"

Joyce eyed the couple who were sitting at the head of the table. Already, in the space of a few short hours, there was a noticeable difference in the way they accommodated each other. They sat with their hands clasped together on the table, their seats so close they were almost touching and every so often, one of them would look at the other and smile. They were freer together, now, than they had ever been in the past. The longer Buffy held Giles' hand, Joyce noticed, the harder Elizabeth clenched hers.

"We haven't really thought about it." Buffy met Giles' glance for confirmation. "But we were hoping kinda soon. Nothing special, you see, just us. Quick, formal, legal."

"Ah, the romance!" Xander swooned. "I think I'm gonna cry!"

Buffy made a face at him, poking out her tongue.

"How soon is soon?" Joyce looked thoughtful.

No one missed the look that passed between Elizabeth and Buffy, a hurried glance, almost like a question asked and answered, or confirmed. Giles squeezed Buffy's hand, they'd already talked about it, she knew how he felt.

"As soon as possible. There's still a heap of stuff to organize." A sudden look of panic flushed over her face. "I don't even know what has to be organized! What do people need for a wedding?"

"You said small, right?" Joyce's face took on a wheedling nature that Buffy recognized, she could already feel half the responsibility taken from her shoulders as Joyce took control. "How about Saturday? You could have it at the Gallery."

"The what? The when?"

"Lots of people hold functions there, it's quite beautiful when done up. If you don't mind hand me downs, there's a wedding being held there at noon, so you won't need to order flowers or anything like that. You could hold the function there as well. Simple, no planning."

"The gallery? I don't know, Saturday, it's so soon."

She looked at Giles and though her voice was shaky and her face full of fear, he could see a small spark of excitement growing there. He smiled and ran a hand down her cheek.

"Speed is of the essence, is it not? I know Father Thomas will be happy to help out, he doesn't do ceremonies since Father Michael took over, but he'll be happy to oblige us. Especially if we invite him."

Cordelia grinned broadly and her eyes shone.

"I know a photographer in LA, Raffael, a client who still owes us. I'll call him in! He's the best."

"Oh! Oh!" Xander was not to be outdone. "George at the bakery still owes me back pay from when he fired me! I'll get him to do the cake!"

By this time Buffy could no longer hold it in, she let her shoulders dissolve into helpless giggles, a smile bright on her face. She could not have been happier, not if she tried. The warm feeling she'd had all afternoon was growing stronger, she was happy just to sit back, with Giles' hand on hers, and watch her favorite people take control.

"Mom? I kinda wanted to ask you for one more favor, if that's okay?"

"Sure, honey, what is it?"

Buffy swallowed.

"Will you…? I mean, you don't have to, if you don't want to, but would you, you know," She took a large breath and let the rest of her words rush out at break neck speed. "walk me down the aisle?"

"Oh!" Joyce bought her hand to her throat, she suddenly felt a blockage there, her eyes stinging with more tears. "Oh Honey! Yes! Of course, yes. But… but what about your father?"

Everyone at the table looked down, not wanting to see the jagged nervousness with which Joyce waited for her answer. Willow could have told Joyce the answer, so could Giles, Xander could have taken an educated guess and the others had some suspicions. It wouldn't have done any good, though, Joyce needed to hear it from Buffy. Daughter to mother, child to a sole parent who has never quite let go of the fear of coming second.

"My father," Buffy began, holding her voice in check, though it took control to bite back the venom. She wasn't even sure of her feelings anymore, one day she wanted Joyce and Hank to be jealous of each other, to have feelings for each other again, and the next she was all but disowning Hank.

"If he even comes, will have a perfectly good seat in the aisles. The only reason I was his bridesmaid is because when he called to ask me to take part, he thought I could still pass as flower girl. That's how much he knows me. I want you, Mom, nobody else."

Joyce let the tears come and stood up, racing around the table to envelop Buffy in yet another vice like grip. The face Buffy pulled made it clear she was 'enduring' it, but her eyes were suspiciously watery themselves and she couldn't quite get the grin to leave her lips. Her arms were holding as tightly to Joyce, as Joyce's were to her.

"I want to do something, too, and I may have an idea." Willow spoke softly to Elizabeth. "But I need your help. Will you?"

Elizabeth, who had not spoken a word in this conversation, who had wanted to shrink and shrink until there was nothing left of herself, who had been bottling up the tumult of emotions that was nearly choking her inside so that none of it spilled over to Buffy, let her head drop.

"I…" The instant she opened her mouth, the violent sobs escaped, she stood up and ran out of the room. "I'm sorry! I can't!"

A guilty silence hung over the crowd.

Slowly and gently Buffy stood up, extricating herself from Joyce's arms and Giles' hold.

"I… I'm gonna go after her." She looked at Giles, her eyebrows raised pointedly. "Maybe you might want to take this moment to, you know, talk. To that person. That you wanted to talk to."

"Oh!" He blushed. "Right! Yes, of course."

* * * *

The door was not even closed when she got to the top of the stairs, Elizabeth sat on the side of her bed, feet planted firmly on the floor as she sat with her head down, staring at her hands resting on her obscenely swollen belly. She looked up at Buffy, the tears streaming down her face.

"I'm sorry… I…"

"No." Buffy walked forward. "Don't be sorry, we shouldn't have…"

An awkward silence filled the room as each girl looked at the other. Buffy sat down next to Elizabeth and reached up to brush an imaginary lock of hair from her face. Their eyes met and suddenly Buffy couldn't breathe. Before her, Elizabeth's face crumpled and she slumped into Buffy's arms. Buffy couldn't do anything but hold her, taking the pain into herself, wanting to alleviate it somehow, knowing that she could do nothing.

"I miss him, Buffy, I miss him so much!"

"I know." She whispered helplessly. "I know."

"How can you? He was…" Elizabeth tried to make sense of what she was saying, but there were too many thoughts, too many words, too much air fighting to get into her lungs. "He was mine! He held me! He laughed with me, yelled at me, kissed my skin! Now he's gone and he's never coming back! He was miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!"

There was nothing to do but hold her close, stroke the back of her shoulders and down her spine and kiss the top of her head, keeping contact. This was different than feeling helpless as Willow wept for Oz, this was knowing what was wanted, what Elizabeth needed, that words were not needed. Buffy knew that Elizabeth didn't mean her words, that they were just flying out of control with her emotions.

"Don't listen to me, Buffy" Elizabeth sat back, gaining control of herself again, she breathed in jerky spasms and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I want you to have this, hell, you deserve this. But I can't be part of it. I… I can't, I'm sorry."

"You won't be there?" Buffy felt as if she'd been punched.

"I'll be there." She shuffled backwards until her back hit the head board, trying to draw her knees up to her chin before giving up. "But I can't play happy and smile and be in the wedding party. I just can't, I'm sorry."

"I know." She whispered again, this time she meant it. "It means a lot that you'll be there."

Elizabeth ran her hands over her stomach, watching it as if she could see through it to the baby within. It seemed as if she succumbed to a calmness, an acceptance, though her eyes were sad. All she wanted to do was hold her, the tiny little being inside of her, to cradle her in her arms and never let her go. It was, however, never to be. She'd known it for a while now.

"Did you talk to Giles about…?"

"Yes." Buffy looked down and then up again, suddenly aware of this new resignation and trying to tap into the source of it. It worried her. "He said of course it's alright, he's honored in fact, but that he wants you to be sure. Really sure."

"I'm sure, Buffy."

* * * *

Giles walked back into the room only moments before Buffy. As he looked around, his eyes naturally scanning to room for her, he could swear that he got an almost physical awareness of her coming down the stairs behind him. He turned and raised his eyebrows, not even needing to voice his question. She gave a slight little nod.

A small ball of tension within him began to melt away. He knew, or at least he could imagine, how hard this was for Elizabeth. There was nothing he could do to make it better, to ease the situation, and sometimes he suspected that he only made it worse.

Buffy's eyebrows raised in her own question, a tiny little smile dancing over her lips, which grew into a grin when he nodded. There was, he was surprised to find, a great well of pride and gratitude within him for the tableau which had just passed in the privacy of the bathroom.

He had taken Xander aside, quietly and with as little fuss as he could muster, and had asked the boy to be his best man. There was, he had told himself and Buffy that afternoon when they'd discussed it, nobody else, really, to play the part.

Most of his family were now incapable of travelling the long distances, or they had turned their back on him, believing more in the Council and duty than they did their own kin. He refused to ask any of the Council and that only left Ethan. Neither of them had, not even for a second, entertained that idea.

Now, however, Giles was surprised at the great lump of emotion that threatened to choke him as he thought about the boy. No, not really a boy any longer. Giles would, forever, treasure the moment Xander had realized what it was that he'd been asking. It meant so much to both of them.

He automatically stepped to Buffy's side and, with a hand at the small of her back, guided her back to the table. She smiled up at him, sadly, and squeezed his hand. Whether in thanks, or support, or even sympathy, he wasn't quite sure. It occurred to him, not for the first time, that she always did that, always managed to take on other people's problems as well as her own. He wished he could lessen that for her.

"It's done." He whispered.

"What's done?"

Willow was not to be left out and she had been watching them intensely as they'd both entered the room. He was about to answer her, when his eyes looked across the room. Everyone followed his gaze and watched Xander, eyes wet and face flushed, made his way back to the table.

"Xander." Giles announced. "Has just agreed to be my Best Man."

"Oh! Wow!" Willow exclaimed excitedly, her eyes lighting up and a grin appearing. "Oh wow!"

"Xander gets to wear a tux?" Anya caressed the side of his neck. "Xander looks sexy in a tux."

Not wanting to drag out the moment they all knew were coming, Buffy gave a small, attention getting cough.

"That's not all. Willow?" She looked at each girl in turn. "Cordelia? Anya? Will you be my bridesmaids?"

"Oh wow!" Willow was perfecting a high screech at this point and her eyes were wide and white, her hands on the edge of the table were clenched, unnoticed, into tight little fists, the knuckles bleached white. "Ohwow! Ohwowohwowohwowohwow!"

Her eyes were locked to Buffy's and the two girls could do little but grin idiotically at each other. A million different moments flashed between them and only them. Private conversations and whispered giggles and dreams drawn in the air were theirs.

"Willow?" Cordelia's voice was, as per usual, smooth and even. "Breathe, okay? And Buffy? I'd love to be your bridesmaid."

Cordy was glad, for once. that the attention was directed away from her. It lessened the chance that someone would notice when she had to reach up and wipe quickly at her eye, or the trembling hand that did it. She had known, of course, that she would always, unquestionably, be part of the scoobies. This, however, this was different. This was Buffy's personal life, a slice of herself that wasn't owed to anyone or any duty.

Slowly, Buffy's attention was drawn to the one person who hadn't answered. She hadn't known what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn't silence. For a moment, Giles watched with interest as Buffy chewed on her bottom lip, waiting. He was unaware of the same intensity with which Xander was also watching her.

"Anya? Will, I mean, would you? Be my bridesmaid?"

Anya opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Her eyes widened as if this surprised her. Then she tried again, thankful for the warmth of Xander's hand on the back of her neck. Going through her head, though she didn't know it, were much the same thoughts that were going through Cordelia's. Previously, she had thought that she was tolerated and accepted as part of the group, only because she was with Xander.

Not that she would particularly blame anyone, Cordelia and Willow especially, had reason to actively despise her. They didn't, though, and she wisely never bought up the subject, a staunch supporter of the 'if nobody mentions it then it never happened' school of thought.

"Do you mean it? You want me, too?"

Buffy didn't even have to pause.

"Of course!"

"Really?" Her voice was still small and unsure.

"Anya," Joyce, who had been watching over the proceedings like a smug mother hen, enjoying the group's excitement and enthusiasm, knowing that her time would come later, alone with Buffy, could only think of one thing to say. "Buffy chose me to walk her up the aisle over her own father. I don't think she'd ask anybody out of obligation."

Anya grinned.

"There's only one problem." Buffy's face smoothed out in sudden realization. All eyes turned to her. "Three bridesmaids. One groomsman. Could get awkward."

"That's okay." Anya smiled excitedly. "I can be on Xander's side!"

"An, probably not…" Xander leaned into her neck, but she leaned back, scowling at him.

"I want to be with you!"

"Ah, perhaps, Anya, you might want to…"

Anya turned to Giles and glared.

"I want. To be. On Xander's side."

"You know what, Giles?" Buffy turned to him, a pleading look in her eyes, behind which he could see a spark of amusement. "Why not? If she wants to? It's not as if we're all that normal anyway, I mean, my mom's walking me down the aisle already."

"Fine." He kissed the end of her nose. "Whatever you say, dear."

"My," Joyce grinned. "You have got him trained early."

"Well, now that that's all settled." Cordelia announced. "I just want you to know that I have final say on the dresses. I don't want you choosing some god awful pink fluffy thing."

* * * *

She shuffled her shoulders against the sheets, futilely trying to change position. It accomplished nothing and she sighed, amused by the kick she received for it. An echo of an ache ate at the small of her back and Elizabeth could not get comfortable.

"Do you, Elizabeth Anne Summers, take this man, Rupert Thomas Giles, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and health, in good times and bad, 'til death do you part?"

"I do."

Outside the apartment, Elizabeth could hear a lone dog howl and she felt a strange longing. It might have been from the shared loneliness, or a deep instinctual wish to throw back her head and howl along with it, or both. She lay in the dark and sighed again.

"Do you, Rupert Thomas Giles, take this woman, Elizabeth Anne Summers, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and health, in good times and bad, 'til death do you part?"

"I… Of course I do."

"Elizabeth?" A whispered voice came across the room, floating on the dark. "Are you awake?"

"No." She smiled, remembering out of the blue the nights spent as a little girl with her cousin, giggling into the covers, feeling deliciously 'naughty' for staying up in the dark and talking.

"You are, too." Cordelia sounded slightly offended and Elizabeth wondered whether this was because she'd never shared that joke with anyone, or because she'd wanted to be taken seriously. She decided on the latter.

"Yeah," She spoke softly, her eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. "So what's up?"

"What's it like?" Cordy's voice never got above a whisper, either. "Being pregnant, I mean, having a baby inside?"

"It's…" Elizabeth paused, wishing that Buffy were here, or even awake, so that she could ascertain how much to reveal, how similar the situations were between this Cordy and her own. "It's different, I can't explain it."

"Oh." Cordelia also lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. She itched to ask more, but didn't know how. What she wanted to know seemed, at least to her, too personal to ask. Memories came to her of placing her hand on slightly rounded skin, feeling a light pressure underneath.

"Would you, I mean, do you want to feel her?"

Silence hung in the air for several moments and Elizabeth wondered if she'd gone too far. She almost breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the soft slithering of Cordelia pushing the covers back and sliding her feet down to the floor.

"Really? Can I?"

Up close, Elizabeth could make out the shapes of Cordy's face, the lines of tension that would normally be smoothed over. She breathed softly as an arm reached out slowly, preparing herself for a cold hand on her stomach, she was surprised at the soft warmth.

Her eyes watched carefully, analytically, as Cordelia's face seemed to relax, from a tight nervousness where she bit her bottom lip, to a slow spreading of the features, and then a delighted smile beginning to grace the features. The hand on her stomach seemed to grow more confident, too, changing from a light, feathery touch, to a gentle pressure that rested there.

"You know, Cordelia." Elizabeth kept her eyes of Cordy's face, speaking slowly and gently, hoping she wasn't going too far. "In my reality, you had a pretty tough year last year."

Silence. Elizabeth decided to rush on, she'd already come this far.

"And it wasn't just the tax thing, either. It started with…"

"My Mom." Cordelia finished for her. "Yeah. She was pregnant at the start of last year. We were so excited, I mean, I pretended to be embarrassed, but I was really looking forward to it. I'd even bought a little outfit from Baby Gap."

"How far did she get?"

Cordelia looked down, bringing her hand back. She closed her eyes, hoping that it would stave off the tears.

"About five months. It had already started to form, she insisted on bringing it home with her from the hospital, after they'd let her go, and she said she was gonna give it… him… a funeral. But she didn't. She kept him in a box for a week until my father threatened to put her in a mental hospital, or worse."

"I am sorry."

Cordelia sniffled, embarrassed, and lifted up her shirt to reveal the scar that was still there if you looked for it. Her finger traced the edges of it lightly, almost reverently, as she whispered and her eyes did not raise to meet Elizabeth's.

"Not long after, I was impaled. At the time she was so needy, so fragile, that she was clinging too hard and she was driving my father away. He turned to his mistresses, not that that was any big shock, you know? But he'd never flaunted them before. She told me that this.."

Cordelia gestured viciously at her scar.

"… was nothing but a desperate cry for attention, that I was driving him away. She blamed me. I needed Xander so much then, it scared me, but he couldn't be there for me, not after… after…" She stopped and breathed in, then released her words in a rush as if she'd just realized what she was doing and that she didn't want to do it. "Anyway, I worked for my money for the rest of the year and after graduation I moved away and haven't spoken to them since."

"You're a very, very strong person, Cordelia."

Elizabeth didn't know what else to say, she was almost grateful when Cordy walked back to her side of the room and got back in to bed.

"Thanks, Elizabeth, for listening. I know I've told Buffy some of this before, but… I had to tell someone."

"It's alright." She whispered, once again looking at the ceiling. "It's alright."

She didn't think that Cordy realized, even deep down, that people sometimes felt comfortable talking to other people only when their instincts told them that the other person would not always be there. She sighed again and tried to lean to her side, wishing for blissful sleep.

* * * *

A bell sounded when she opened the door. Willow smiled. The magic shop was one of her favorite places, somewhere not connected with anyone, somewhere she could be herself and alone. She liked that. Usually, when she came here, she could wander the shelves for over an hour, just browsing, running her hands over the items like long lost friends, feeling their energy.

Today, however, she had a purpose and not much time to fulfil it. Classes started in half an hour. Walking up to the counter, she retrieved the notebook page from her shoulder bag and rechecked the ingredient list, not that she really needed to. By now, she had the whole spell memorized.

It surprised her that there was someone already in the store and being served. Not that the place was abandoned, by any means, not in a town like Sunnydale, but it was still pretty quiet, especially at this time of morning. As she waited, Willow hopped from one foot to the other, nervously.

"Thanks Marcia."

Willow's head whipped up at the sound of the quiet voice. She knew it somewhere. Her eyes came into contact with wide blue ones. Her brain began to race frantically, trying to remember this girl's name, she knew her from somewhere.

"Willow?" That shyness, the way she hung her head to hide her face, Willow had seen it somewhere before. A vague feeling of wanting to know ate at her. "You h-haven't been to the Wicca meetings lately."

It all came back to her in a rush, those frustrating meetings when she was trying so hard to get over Oz and all they wanted to talk about was bake sales. This girl, Tara, the only one who showed any interest in doing any real magick.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to branch out." She looked at the items in Tara's hands. "But it seems the Wicca group is doing just fine with that."

"Oh!" Tara blushed and ducked her head even further, before blushing further as she raised it again to look at Willow. "Oh no, this is… just… I do stuff by myself."

"Oh."

For some reason, this made Willow sad. She tried to remember the last spell she'd actively done before this. And couldn't. She'd wanted so badly to venture further with the club, had cursed them in her head when they wouldn't move fast enough, but she hadn't done a thing on her own.

"How… How come you're here?" Tara nodded towards the page in Willow's hand, when Willow held it out, she took it and read, her eyes widening.

"I was going to do a spell to help some friends of mine. You know, as a gift."

"This is, I mean, it looks powerful. Do you need…? Uh… I mean… would you like…? Some help?"

Willow smiled.

"That would be nice."

"I have all of this, back at my dorm, if you wanna come by after class?"

Tara's voice grew almost painfully quiet, nervous, as she waited for Willow's answer. When Willow agreed, she smiled, showing her teeth and small dimples for the first time. They walked back to the campus together, every now and then Tara would glance sideways at Willow, barely believing that she'd agreed. Her smile lasted the whole day.

* * * *

"Oh hey! Riley!" Buffy scrambled to collect the last of her books as she hurried to catch up with him before he left the room with the rest of the class. She barely even minded anymore that she was so awkward with her movements that she was always the last person anywhere. "Can I speak to you?"

He bought his head up, surprised. During the night, he'd managed to almost convince himself that what he, Forrest and Graham had surmised, had been wrong. All during class, however, he couldn't help but watch her as she distractedly twisted the ring on her left hand, smiling at it secretly.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Well, today is my last day and…"

How in the world do you broach a subject like this? She wondered. Gee, how 'bout those yankees? And by the way, would you mind getting your little soldier buddies to stop tailing me and maybe start protecting me while my pseudo self is pregnant and making me incapable of doing it myself and the one person, who is a vampire, that was doing it before is now tied up in a friend's basement? Hmm, that sounded slightly farfetched, even to her.

"Yeah, I heard something like that. You're taking the exams at a later date, though, right? That way you can finish the semester and take up the rest of the course later, maybe next year when…" He stopped, realizing how much he'd just about given away.

"When what, Riley?" Buffy's nerves had begun to melt away. She'd all but known, but this had confirmed it. "What were you going to say?"

"When," He paused, then shrugged, knowing it would make no difference, knowing how silly it sounded. "When the baby's older."

"Hm," She smiled, more to ease the growing tension than anything else. "I guess that part's out of the way."

He chuckled slightly, enjoying the way she tried to lighten the atmosphere. Not for the first time, he wished things had been different. Reaching out, he took her books from her as they began to walk out of the room. Her eyes widened with surprise and she made to protest, then decided better of it.

"I also heard congratulations are in order."

Buffy brought her hand up without even thinking, her right hand fingering the ring on the left. He watched her face and saw a calm happiness spread across it.

"Yeah." She whispered. "It's kinda quick, but I think it's right."

They walked along in companionable silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Riley wasn't sure he understood, completely, but he recognized the comfort in her whole posture that had been missing when the semester first started. Whatever their relationship, it made her happy and Riley suddenly found himself distancing himself from his earlier feelings towards her. She was a friend, someone he wanted to get to know, but not court.

"Riley?"

He whipped his head up, caught by her sudden question.

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to ask you a favor, but just listen, ok?" She waited until he nodded. "I know you and your buddies follow me in your G.I. Joe outfits."

He made to protest, but she held out her hand.

"Wow, that sounded harsh, it wasn't meant to. I'm not really sure what you guys do, but I'm guessing you know a lot more about me than you let on. You probably know that, even though I'm not actually pregnant, Elizabeth, my… uh… twin is and this means I can't really do what I'm supposed to."

Buffy watched him nervously as she spoke, saw his eyes narrow as he tried to piece this information into what he already knew or had surmised. His mouth stretched into a confused smile that didn't do him justice, it made him seem a lot dimmer than she knew him to be.

"Anyway, the crux of it is, if I can't Slay anything," Buffy watched intensely and he didn't even blink at the word. "then I'm in danger and so is everybody I know. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"You want…" He shook his head as if to dislodge something. "You want us to keep the hostiles away from you?"

Buffy slapped him on the shoulder and grinned.

"I knew we were on the same page." She paused for a moment, a thoughtful look on her face. "Hostiles?"

" Uh… never mind. How long are we talking? And how did you find out about…?"

"About the covert stalk Buffy operation?" Buffy missed the blush that clouded his cheeks. "Let's just say we have a mutual friend. Well, more like enemy. An annoying enemy that likes to talk. Oh, and about the time, I'd say another month or so will do. Just until the baby's born."

"That shouldn't be a problem." Riley smiled at her, enjoying the large grin she threw his way. It almost made him feel guilty that he was also thinking about how much this would please Professor Walsh, this open invitation to watch them closer.

* * * *

"Xander?"

"Hmm?"

He was distracted by the feel of her hand caressing the back of his neck and didn't catch the devious, wheedling tone of Anya's voice.

"I want a ring, too."

"Yeah, ok." Xander stopped everything, thought for a second and then spun around to face her. "What? Hey, hang on…"

"But, Buffy got one and look how happy she is." Anya blinked her eyes at him, making sure the lashes touched her cheek.

"Then go and marry Giles."

"Xander!" She slapped him then pouted. "You don't really love me."

"An, honey, you know I do." He moved to run his hand down her cheek, but she turned from him. Damn. He knew he'd have to make it up to her, or there'd be no fun tonight.

"What's the problem, mate?" A voice came from behind the temporary curtain they'd placed to divide the room. "You've got a job, haven't you? Buy the girl a ring."

Xander whipped around to glare at him, but found his icy stare lost to the folds of the curtain.

"Shut up, Spike."

"Ooh, touchy."

"I'm warning you…"

"He's right, you know." Anya broke in. "You've got a job now."

"I'm a fry cook!" Xander pleaded in desperation. "I can't afford a new pair of pants, let alone an apartment or a wife!"

"What?" By the sounds of his voice, Spike was enjoying this immensely. "So now she's a burden?"

"I'm a burden?" Anya turned her large, teary eyes to Xander, her face flushed with anger. "If that's what you though, why didn't you just say so?"

"Hey, no, An, don't…"

He reached out to stop her when she made to leave.

"Don't touch me, Xander!" Anya lashed out. "Wouldn't want to burden you or anything!"

"That's not it, that's not it at all!"

"Then what? Tell me, why don't you love me?"

"Yeah, Mate." Came the voice behind the curtain. "Tell her why you don't want to hook your free bachelor self up to her big, burden-ey wagon."

"I swear it, Spike! Shut up or I'll shut you up!" Xander threw one last vicious look at the curtain and then turned his pleading eyes onto Anya. "I do love you, I do, that's why."

"I don't understand." She waited patiently for the explanation.

"I'm not gonna be cooking in fast food restaurants all my life."

"No, not while there's a big wide world of grocery packing to explore."

"Save it, Spike!" This time it was Anya who yelled at the curtain.

"Thank you. What I mean is, I'm going to move on to bigger and better things. I want to wait until I have something to offer, before I…"

"I think I'm going to choke on my own vomit. Someone get me a bucket. Anyone?"

"That's it!" Anya pushed the curtain aside and strode up to the vampire tied to a chair. "You're making fun of our sweet reconciliation. And I want make up sex! So shut up!"

Amid his protests, Anya grabbed the nearest object and shoved it into his mouth, tying it there with a nearby piece of rope. She slapped him on the back of his head, for good measure, then left him there to choke on an old sweaty sock.

"Anya, what I mean, is…"

"I understand." Anya walked back to Xander, smiling. "Now kiss me."

NEXT