Title: Addiction Ch.1
Author(s): Jerri Cocke and Jon Dale
Summary: How do you deal with an addiction? What is the most
important thing to you, or in this case, Willow?
Spoilers: To Gone
Disclaimer: Joss owns all, I own none. I do try not to break them
too badly before I return them.
Distribution: If you have take, if not ask.
http://geocities.com/lochnoir The Nekkid Shipper, Fire and Ice, Near
Her Always, Saladin's Citadel
Feedback: It gives me a happy.
Dedication: To Micki, the bestest beta a person can have. Thank you
for your untiring work on our behalf.

The redhead writhed on the bed, her agony palpable. Her body cried out for the seductive feel of the magic. She needed to feel it rushing through her veins. The tip of her tongue swept over her cracked lips. She could fix this with one tiny spell. Just one incantation and her pain would be gone. A few murmured words and the burning ache would be satisfied.

The witch opened her dry mouth, prepared to speak the words that would end the inhuman craving that wracked her fragile body. As her nerve endings burned with the need for sensation, she saw . . .

Rack standing before her with his confidence, his almost superhuman strength when it came to magic. The lovely colours she'd seen, as his spells wrapped around her, transporting her to the stars, she'd always longed to be a part of. She could remember being above, beneath and among the glowing spheres of light she'd adored from childhood. The power that coursed through her veins, that empowered her to be more than just herself. The ultimate joy that came with the knowledge that she, netgirl, research girl could affect the very cosmos. The power that drew her inexorably towards her destiny.

There was a beauty in the moments when she prepped for a spell, and the feelings of power that swept over her when she suceeded. Of course there were also the rather momumental failures she'd created. Of course those really didn't count. They were learning experiences, so what if there was a little turmoil when went slightly wrong. After all, she had given Angel his soul back. Hell, she'd brought Buffy back from the dead, what did the occasional spell gone wrong really matter? After all, she'd never really done real damage. Then she forced herself to remember ...

Spike cuddled up with Buffy, while Giles sat by, helpless, sightless. Xander bruised and battered because he was literally a demon magnet. Spike's desire to gargle with bleach to get the taste of slayer out of his mouth. Okay, so there had been a bit of hurt there, but ...

The moments spent wondering, questioning, why if they had, she had, gotten Buffy out of Hell, why had she not thanked her? Why'd she look like someone who'd had her life interrupted? She'd looked like the world had ended and there was nothing she could do. Well, said the little voice deep in Willow's soul, you understand that now. After all, there is a major difference between Hell dimension and Heaven. And you yanked her out of Heaven. Deal with it.

Willow say Tara's beautiful face, disappoinment etched on every delicate feature, when the massively gone wrong amnesia spell had been broken. Her memory flashed forward to the terrible minutes and hours she'd spent watching Tara pack her things. The agony she felt now, was nothing compared to what she'd felt when Tara walked out that door for the last time.

Her mind leapt forward once more to the night just passed. One small hand brushed across the bruise on her pale check. Dawn's screams of fear and pain resonated through her own pain. The redhead remmembered the look of distrust and fear on the teenagers pretty face. The disgust that coloured her voice, as she had told Willow to stay away from her.

Willow firmly pressed her lips together, refusing to give into the pain. Somehow, she knew this pain was transitory. The pain she would inflict on the people she loved if she surrendered to the desire for sensation ... that pain would never end. The family she'd created, they were worth the pain that raced across her mind and soul. For them, Willow could refuse to end her agony and she would.

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