Title: Addiction Ch.3
Author(s): Jerri Cocke and Jon Dale
Summary: How do you deal with an addiction, what is the most
important thing to you, or in this case, to Willow?
Spoilers: We are now totally A.U.
Disclaimer: Joss owns all, I own none. I do try not to break them
too badly before I return them.
Distribution: If you have, take. If not, ask. My site
http://geocities.com/lochnoir The Nekkid Shipper, Fire and Ice,
Willow's Lil Secret
Feedback: It gives me a happy.
Special Thanks to our betas, Micki, Kari and Naomi, they have been invaluable and without them, it wouldn't be a decent story.

Something woke Willow from her deep sleep. She looked around her, confusion evident in her gaze before she figured out where she was. Airplane cabin, flight from L.A. to London ... Okay. That was where she was, but what had wakened her?

She remembered boarding the plane, seating herself in the cabin, and being impressed with Giles' thoughtfulness. First class, that was special. She'd listened to the flight attendant's lecture on safety, then apparently she'd gone to sleep. And it was the best sleep she'd had in weeks. For a change, she hadn't woken sweating and crying in the throes of a nightmare.

A faint bump was accompanied by chimes that reminded the passengers to fasten their seatbelts. A few moments later there was a somewhat more significant bump. Willow held on to her armrest after she fastened her belt securely. The turbulence increased as the minutes passed. As she was jolted about in her seat, she raised one hand. She caught herself, just as she started to murmur the words that would have smoothed the flight out. Goddess, she had nearly done it again. How could she expect to get over this, if she couldn't control the urge to use her magic? The redhead lowered her hand, gingerly placed it on her lap then lowered her head and wept.

They would be safe with her away: she couldn't harm them if she failed. She needed to remember that every time she got homesick. They were safe from her and that was important. She couldn't call herself Wiccan anymore, not with the sacrifice she'd performed to get Buffy back. She'd taken a life; an innocent animal had died because of her. She would never be sorry that the ritual had worked, but she regretted the loss of that fawn's life more than anything she'd ever done.She forced the memory of the trusting animal away. That was her past. She was here to face her future. Her magic-free future. Only Giles would know about her power. She could be Netgirl and Research Girl, and if things worked out right, she might even take her Master's degree at Oxford. Just how cool would *that* be? Inside of the hour, she would be with Giles.

She smiled softly as she remembered the crush she'd had on him so many years ago. Well, not that many years ago, 'cause hey, only known him six years. But they had lived a lifetime in those six years. All the Scoobies had and she had admired him so much.

Her smile faded as the imaginary angel seated on her shoulder whispered in her ear, "...And you disappointed him so much. He trusted you to know the limits, to abide by them, to have more sense..." She shook her head hard to chase away that train of thought. Damned conscience. It had to remind her of that.

A slight smile crossed her lips as she thought back to high school. She'd been head over heels for the Englishman, way before Oz had appeared on her personal horizon. Xander had ignored her, Giles had protected her, but Oz had wanted her. That had been heady for a girl who'd never had that kind of attention. If nothing else, the wolf had given her the beginnings of the confidence that had sustained her through until . . . well, until Buffy had died. That had thrown her for the final loop.

She'd managed to deal with the chaos and terror that Glory had thrust into the life they'd all led ... somehow.

The rest of the flight passed in a haze that seemed to go on for an enternity. Willow was finally pulled out of her self absorption by the flight attendant's warning to prepare for arrival. It seemed the weather was a balmy 49 degrees and it was - surprise, surprise - foggy. Apparently Giles had pulled out all the stops for her. She raised her seat to the upright postion and checked to make sure the tray table was locked in place. Willow was ready for this flight to end, she'd already come much to close to falling. It scared her to consider how easy it would have been for her to simply cast the spell. Her surrender would have been that simple and that profound.

She listened with less than perfect attention to the attendant's Welcome to Merry Olde London Towne speech as she rummaged for her carry-on bags. She was so close to the help she craved more strongly than she craved the magic. All she had to do was get through customs and she would be with Giles. And Giles would help her, guide her and protect her as he'd always done.

********************

"Miss, can I see your passport? Do you have you anything to declare?"

The small redhead looked up at the heavyset woman clad in the garb of Her Majesty's Customs Services. She shook her head to clear it and handed over her travel documents. "No, nothing to declare, thank you."

"What's the purpose of your visit?"

"I'm here to visit a friend and to check out the possibility of attending university here."

The customs officer stamped approved on her visa. "Welcome to Britain, Miss Rosenburg. Enjoy your stay."

"Thank you." Willow picked up her bags and placed them back on the trolley. She followed the corridor to the arrivals lounge, her eyes searching for the face of her mentor; her saviour. The crowd parted and she saw him standing there, waiting for her.

Giles opened his arms and she ran into them, feeling secure for the first time in days. Willow buried her face in his chest inhaling the familiar scent and drawing strength from it. With his strength to buttress her, she could face anything.

"I've made reservations for a hotel this evening. Tomorrow we'll take the train back to Oxford. Although, if you would prefer, we can go tonight. It's only about an hour and a half away." The British accent didn't grate this time, it just reassured.

"Thank you. I'm really tired. Could we just stay here tonight?" Willow pulled out of Giles' warm embrace. When he threw an arm around her shoulders, she snuggled under it, reluctant to lose the comfort of his presence.

"Well then, shall we get a taxi? And eat dinner at the hotel?"

"Yes, please." Green eyes met hazel, "Giles, I ... Thank you. It...this matters to me, more than I can ever tell you."

***********

Giles pulled back the heavy chair with elaborate courtesy. Willow flashed him a weary smile and accepted the menu the maitre`d offered her. Giles chattered on about the various libraries and museums he wanted her to see.

"That's lovely, Giles, but right now, I just want to get started on the rest of my life without magic. I just don't know how to do that."

"You've already taken the first step. You recognised there is a problem. Have you used your magical abilities at all since this occurred?"

"No, I haven't, but it's been so hard. Giles, I've never done anything harder in my life." She interrupted herself to give her order to the attentive waitress. Her throat burned with the dryness that had plagued her since she'd given up her magic. Her hand trembled as she picked up the crystal water glass. "I nearly use magic a hundred times a day. It would be so easy, and I know if I did, I wouldn't be hurting nearly as much."

"That's true, your body wouldn't crave the magic immediately after use, but Willow," Giles took one of her hands in his and anchored her with his touch, "it would only feel better until you went without magic again. And speaking from the perspective of one who has been there, it's the first spell that would get you, not the last."

"Um, excuse me, I hate to quote Xander, but `huh'?"

An easy grin crossed the handsome Englishman's face. "Let me see if I can put it another way." He thought for a long moment. "Willow, if you were stranded on railroad tracks, unable to move, and a train was coming, which would hit you first? The engine or the last carriage?"

"The engine, of course."

"Look at magic as a train. Right now, you're stuck on the tracks. The train is magic. If you don't use a spell, the train never comes. If you use magic, the engine, the first spell, will run you over."

Willow looked slightly ill at the thought. "I'm never going to be better, am I?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, you will. But I won't lie to you and tell you it's going to be easy. I have every faith in you, however. You can win this battle. You will win this battle." The austere Englishman glanced away to hide his strong emotions.

"Losing you is not an option."

NEXT