Title: Addiction Ch.6
Author(s): Jerri Cocke and Jon Dale
Summary: How do you deal with an addiction, what is the most
important thing to you, or in this case, to Willow?
Spoilers: Totally A.U.
Disclaimer: Joss owns all, I own none. I do try not to break them
too badly before I return them.
Distribution: If you have, take. If not, ask. My site
http://geocities.com/lochnoir The Nekkid Shipper, Fire and Ice,
Willow's Lil Secret
Feedback: It gives me a happy.
Dedication: As always to our wonderful betas, Kari, Micki and Naomi.

Author's Notes: We've taken some libereties with Oxford geography
for the sake of the story and we hope you'll forgive us. The route
from the train station to Oxford proper does not pass Magdalen
College, but we needed them to see it, so...

The raindrops fell, pattering into the grey surface of the Isis. `At least nature agrees with me right now. I don't deserve sunny weather. Face it, Willow, you did this; no one else used magic. Nobody threw a door into Giles' face and no one else broke her promise.

The tiny, redhead heaved a giant sized sigh, her hands clenched tightly onto the rail of the bridge. The vibrant green eyes saw nothing of the beauty that surrounded her, only the pain that had clouded her mentor's eyes. Eyes that were disfigured by the horribly swollen nose, the one she had broken.

He had been so good to her from the moment that she'd arrived in England. He'd been supportive, kind and so understanding, then she'd thrown it all in his face with one careless action. `Quite literally!' the near manic voice of her conscience cackled. She'd run away from him; run from the chaos she'd caused. `I'm a bad Willow. There's no way I can justify this, I'm a bad, bad Willow, no matter what Giles said.'

`Willow, this is a minor problem; it can be dealt with. You can't expect to do something so difficult without setbacks.' His eyes had been so compassionate, filled with love and understanding when he'd looked at her. How could she have been so careless? She loved him and she'd betrayed him.

The rain poured down over the girl, hiding the tears she wept. She turned her delicate face to the crying sky in complete accord with the weather. She'd failed to control herself and in failing, she'd harmed on the only person in England she loved. Goddess knew she'd failed everyone else. Buffy, Xander, Dawn, she'd hurt them all so much. `I broke Dawn's arm; I guess it must have been Giles's turn to get broken.' She could have dealt with failing herself, but to fail Giles - that was more than she could take. A rumble of thunder seemed to agree with her. Even nature knew she'd made a mess of everything.

`Okay, think Willow, you've made it impossible to stay here; Goddess knows you can never face Giles again. Leaving Sunnydale didn't work; it just gave you someone new to hurt. What will it take, where can you go? Los Angeles, no there are people you care about there. Angel, Cordy and Wesley, well maybe not Wesley, but Angel and Cordy,' she thought. `There must be someplace that the people you love will be safe from you.'

## Earlier at Giles' flat

Giles reached for the heavy door. It'd started raining heavily a few minutes ago and Willow was still out. She'd had a full day planned and he was worried about her. It wouldn't take more than a few minutes to find her and bring her home. He felt a sudden shock, a tiny jolt of magic as the door swung towards him, hitting him squarely in the nose, breaking it.

"Willow, what have you done?"

He realised immediately what he'd said, but it was too late. The words were spoken and could never be taken back. His heart broke just a little bit. Willow would agonize over this tiny loss of control, and he knew that. He also knew there was nothing she could have done to prevent it. She was innately magic. The power flowed from her and always would. She would learn to handle it in time, but that time was yet to come. For the moment, he had to get her through the guilt. And, he admitted to himself, the overwhelming self-pity. His words could only make it worse and there was nothing he could do, but try to make her understand. Her power was such that total containment wasn't possible. She was going to have slips and this was such a minor one. However, she'd only given him the chance to speak a few words before she'd run from his flat in tears. He'd wanted to follow her immediately, but he had to take precious minutes to staunch the flow of blood from his nose.

## Present

He looked at the girl who'd come to mean so much to him over the years. She stood on the bridge, her hands clenched tightly. Her face was exposed to the sky, rain dripping down her face, mingling with her tears. Water ran from her dark red hair, rivulets to match the tears flowing down her cheeks.

`How can I help her? I knew this was going to happen eventually, but how to make her understand? There was the dilemma. He approached her carefully, taking care not to startle her. She needed his love and support now more than ever. He cleared his throat, quietly.

"Willow," his voice trailed into silence leaving only the sound of the rain softly splashing into the river.

She looked around, "Hello Giles. Why are you here?"

"Because you are; because I need to be here for you. We hadn't really discussed it, but something like this was inevitable. It had to happen. It happened to me when I was getting away from magic and I never had the power that you possess. I'm only surprised it hasn't happened before. Magic is such a part of who you are; it permeates your very being. That sort of power can't be turned off once you are aware of it. It can only be controlled and that is what we're working for." The tall, greying man pulled out his handkerchief in a futile attempt to clean his glasses. He shook his head and thrust the stained handkerchief back into his pocket as Willow's startled sob made him realise what he'd done.

He quickly pulled the weeping girl into his arms. He had to minimize the spectre of the blood soaked handkerchief; push it from her mind. He smiled, relieved that she'd turned into his arms, burying her face in his tweed-covered chest. He'd held her tightly as she sobbed out her pain and frustration. Now, he had hope. Hope that she would stay and fight, not run like a frightened child.

Finally, after long minutes, Willow's sobs subsided and she shuddered; the cold rain finally breaking through her emotional distress. `Now, maybe I can get her home and try to talk some sense to her,' he thought, as the chill wind cut through his tweed clothing. He shivered slightly, remembering why he preferred California in the winter.

"Willow, let's go back to the flat, get in out of the rain. We really need to talk this through, but on a bridge in the bloody rain isn't the place to do it. I, for one, could really use a hot cup of tea."

"Oh, Giles, of course, you shouldn't be out in this. Your poor nose and … "

"Enough Willow, let's just go back to the flat so we can get dried off and warm."

"But, Giles, I need to tell you how sorry I am."

"Willow, we are both cold, wet and in dire need of warm towels, dry clothes and hot tea. Now." He took her shaking hand and led her home, as she protested her sorrow and guilt all the way.

## Giles sat, ensconced in his armchair with Willow curled on the ottoman at his feet. Both were dry, dressed and considerably calmer. Two steaming teacups sat nearby.

"So, this `had' to happen. Why?" Willow peeked up at him, curiosity getting the better of her.

"It had to happen because there is only so much control you can use when your entire being is suffused with power. You've got enormous stores of magical energy. It has to go somewhere. You've been very successful at keeping it in check, but there will be times it will leak from you. In general, you won't be conscious of it, but there will be times, like today, when you just use it, in a small way, without thinking about it. It's as natural as sneezing and just as controllable."

"You're saying I can never be completely magic free, that it will always be there and that means I'll never be in control of it?"

"No, I'm saying that it will always be there and that you will have to learn to control it. Now that you've `slipped', we can start to work on your control." He leaned forward, tipping Willow's chin up with one strong hand. He smiled into her eyes, "I know you can do this."

Willow smiled up at him; trust in her eyes as she spoke. "I hope I can live up to your trust. I'm scared but I'll give it my best shot."

Her cheek rested in his cupped hand and the warmth of it astounded him. This he hadn't expected. The tingle he felt when he touched her. She was his student, his charge; he wasn't supposed to tingle when he touched her. All he could do was protect her, make sure she never knew.

"Giles?"

"Er … yes Willow?" He looked at her and stifled the urge to clean his glasses until they shone.

"I love you."

NEXT