Title: Dance with the Devil (5/?)
Author: Jullez
E-mail: Jullez@prodigy.net
Spoilers: Everything to be safe.
Rating: PG-13 for one bad word and some violence and some lovin.
Summary: Christmas, angst, dancing, angst, love, and angst.
Notes: Sorry it took so long. Real life.
Distribution: Gabi, Dria, everyone has my permission, so take it if you like it. If you want it just ask.
Dedication: To EW for being patient with me and Donna because she always makes me cry. I wuv ya, too.
Note2: The song is Little Heaven by Toad the Wet Sprocket. If anyone can tell me where Buffy recognizes it from, they get a box of chocolate.

It's been a few months since Giles returned. A few wonderful months. It's unbelievable how incredible it feels to be watcher and slayer again, not to mention the things I can't even put labels on. Giles had no trouble adjusting to life back in Sunnydale, well except for Anya. I think they actually like seeing how much they can annoy each other. We've had our share of adventures together. The biggest obstacle was probably Dracula; no wait the biggest obstacle was Anya trying to be a salesperson. Giles hired her when he bought the magic shop. At first I was kinda skeptical about Giles ability to run a business, but he is actually very good at it. It also makes more sense than a job at the university or something; it would be very difficult to explain his mysterious yearlong disappearance and being reported dead. Not really something I would want to explain at a job interview.

We've each gone through our own personal changes over the summer and the months that have followed. Willow and Oz broke up and he went to assist Angel and Cordelia in LA. Willow's with Tara now and yes I do mean like that. At first it kinda bothered me, but after I got use to the idea I was cool with it. I don't think I ever saw Willow as happy with Oz as she is with Tara, which just makes me like it all the more. Xander and Anya are going strong as ever. Xander and I have gotten closer, he's like the big brother I never had. The whole gang is a lot closer again. Thanks to Giles we are a family again, we're all together and we have our own place now. The old library just wasn't the same after we graduated. I think we all felt like trespassers in an unrecognizable home. We don't have any reason to go back anyway. Lillie graduated and Wesley resigned to take up a position at the university museum. It's nice to have them all so close, even though Lillie likes to harass me about "ruining her year." Lillie was dead set on being my roommate, but I decided to stay at home with my mother. Last year I was so detached from everything that I want to get back to my roots. It works out the best this way because I get to be with every member of my "family." Tonight everyone is coming to my house for Christmas dinner, its weird how we'd all rather be with each other than our own families on Christmas. I'm on my way to pick up Giles and I'm already running late.

*****

Nearly an hour later Buffy and Giles pulled up in front of the Summers home. They were nearly an hour late; everyone else was already inside waiting for them. It was unavoidable with all the presents being stashed at Giles apartment and the discovery of an entire batch they had forgotten to wrap. They had made it as far as the living room entryway when Willow practically knocked them down to confiscate the dozens of packages and bags they were carrying. "Presents!!"

"You know for someone, whose Jewish you sure celebrate Christmas a lot," Buffy yelled at Willow's retreating back with Tara following farther behind. As Tara passed she stopped smiling weakly at Buffy and Giles, "c-caffeine." "Figures," they stated in unison and then giggled at each other as Tara moved towards the den or as Willow put it, the place where the presents live.

"It's about time you got here," Anya barked from her spot on Xander's lap. "Willow was becoming manic. I think she has rabies; she was foaming at the mouth. We're going to have to shoot her." Buffy and Giles couldn't have been more shocked when they realized Anya was serious. Xander laughed nervously, "Anya, Willow doesn't have rabies, we're not gonna shoot anyone," At the horrified looks of the couple standing before them Xander tried to explain, "We watched Old Yellar last week." They nodded with comprehension, but Giles still couldn’t get the image of Anya chasing Willow around the Christmas tree with a shotgun out of his head. He was so wrapped up in that thought that he didn't notice the evil grin Xander was giving him. Clearing his throat finally got Xander the attention he was seeking.

"Are you quite all right, Xander," Giles inquired without moving. "Ohhhh, I am fine," he annunciated each word, "but YOU," he pointed to Giles waging his finger at him, "and YOU," he pointed to Buffy with the other hand, "are under the uh mistletoe," he finished by pointing both hands to the bundle of green leaves attached to the doorframe above their heads. "So what are you gonna do about that," Xander asked in a singsong voice that was really quite comical, raising his brows at both of them.

Buffy blushing nicely aimed her response at Giles. "Well, it is tradition to kiss when you're standing under the mistletoe with s-someone." "R-ri-right, um, shall we?" They stood staring nervously at each other until finally they both leaned forward, closing their eyes, until their lips met. It was the sweetest of kisses, a light brushing of their lips together, surprisingly neither wanted to pull away, and it was a perfect moment, even though it ended too soon. Who knows what would have happened if a certain bleached blonde vampire hadn't walked by with Joyce Summers causing them to jump apart at his voice. "Ewww, someone's been enjoying the festivities! Care to take their places, Luv?" Joyce giggled, "Spike!" The two people who had just been kissing a second earlier looked completely red and Giles stuttered to no one in particular, "M-m-mistletoe." Joyce couldn’t resist laughing when she looked at them. "Okay everyone dinner is ready and I suggest you eat quickly before Willow steals all of you presents." Joyce then led the brigade to their respective spots at the table as they sat down to a peaceful dinner.

*******

It was nearly midnight when everyone left the Summers home including Buffy. She was going to watch It's a Wonderful Life with Giles, because her mother had forbidden her to watch it in her house after an incident a few years prior. Besides Joyce hated the movie and Giles was the only living person to never have seen it. At a half past the witching hour the pair settled before the television to watch the classic film. An hour later the mugs of hot chocolate they had been sipping from had since turned cold, the large bowl of popcorn was empty except for the kernels that lay at the bottom, and the movie continued to play as the man and woman on the couch slept peacefully curled up next to each other content just to be in each others arms.

********

I woke early that morning, earlier than usual. Anyone could tell you that I'm not a morning person. If I can't sleep until noon I'm cranky all day and have to put that crankiness into training and slaying, the only time I'm content is when I get those precious morning hours of slumber. Today is different, even though I'm awake so early I still feel perfectly rested, maybe that's because I can see Giles asleep next to me on the couch. I propped my head on my hand and sat watching him quietly. His handsome face looks worry free for a change. It's nice to see him without a care in the world, no demons, no prophecies, no threat of death, and no research, just him. He looks so peaceful; I see his eyelids flutter and I wonder what he's dreaming of. I wonder what he would think if he knew that while he was gone I dreamt of him. I still do dream of him, of us together. I was a mess when he was gone. I can't ever let him leave me again.

Looking down at his face I can finally admit that I love him. Loving him isn't my secret; the secret is that I think I am in love with him. I love him so much I feel like I could share everything with him. The reversal of that statement is an intimacy I can only hope for. He'll never tell me everything. I know that when he was relating his stories of hell to me he was only telling me enough to get me off his case, enough to make me feel better. All he did was scare me even more. Knowing that things happened to him that he felt were so bad that he didn't think I could handle it scares me. I would give anything to be able to take all of his pain away, all of his worry. In all honesty I wouldn't erase last year. If I did, then maybe I wouldn't be sitting watching Giles sleep. I wouldn't give this up for anything.

I dozed off for just a little while and I woke at the sound of silent groaning. I opened my eyes to see Giles in a state I'd seen him in before. His eyes were screwed shut, sweat covered his face, and he was lightly thrashing while making anguished sounds. Just as I went to rouse him from his sleep he jolted awake with a shout. He looked around in complete confusion like he didn’t know who or where he was. When comprehension dawned on him he sighed through his panting and buried his face in his hands. Touching his shoulder lightly I asked him if he was okay. He stared at my hand than stood heading for the kitchen simply stating that he needed a drink. For the longest time I tried to get him to talk, but he wouldn't. He just emptied glass after glass, like he could make everything go away. Why is he doing that to himself; it won't solve anything. I could make it all go away if he would just quit lying to me by telling me that he's fine. It's ironic that I'm the only person that he'll let in, but he keeps pushing me away. Now I know how he felt for all those years. Right now I'm more lost than ever. I want to help him, but he won't let me and I'm afraid of loosing him now more than ever.

*********

Buffy looked out the diner window pensively. Her food lay untouched and she hadn't heard a word Willow had said in the past ten minutes. Her mind kept drifting back to the same place it always did, Giles. She couldn't stop worrying about him. She had the feeling that his nightmares were continuing and worsening. The signs were all their. He seemed like he was tired quite a bit and he had bags under his eyes both signs that he wasn't sleeping. Buffy knew it wasn't healthy, but she couldn't make him sleep and she wasn't about to knock him out.

"Buffy! Buffy!"

"Hmmm."

''What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong Will. What makes you think something's wrong?"

"Because you've been in this weird, no talking, zoning out mode for 2 weeks."

"I guess I have been non verbal girl, huh?"

"Yeah, you have, so spill what's bothering you?"

"It's Giles. I'm worried about him. He's had really bad nightmares ever since he came back. He shakes and sweats and thrashes around until he wakes up screaming. I thought they had stopped, but he had one on Christmas that was worse. I know he hasn't been sleeping, I can see it in his eyes. I know he's hurting and I just don't know how to help him."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"I tried. He wouldn't talk to me he just started drinking."

"That bad, huh?" Buffy nodded. "From what I remember from Psych once he tells someone what is bothering him, then the dreams should subside."

"How do I make him talk to me?"

"Don't make him just wait, he'll tell you when he's ready. Be patient, things get better with time."

"Yeah, but as a slayer time is something I don't have much of."

"Gosh, drama queen much."

"Hey," Willow ducked as Buffy threw a napkin at her face. They looked at each other giggling until it hurt.

"See what I mean, it's getting better already."

********

Willow was right; time is the most important thing to have. Time is a funny thing. As I've said before I have issues with time. It always seems like there is never enough time in a day. Time passes by so rapidly that you wonder where the days, months, even years have gone. Then there are the occasions when you get caught up in the perfect moment and everything around you stops. I didn't know it at the time, but I was about to have one of those perfect moments. It all started about a month after my talk with Willow. I walked into the magic shop after classes like I did everyday. Giles and Anya were hard at work, Willow and Tara were talking quietly at the reading table, and Wesley and Lillie were just exiting the training room when I entered the shop. Anya practically yelled hello at me. "Hi Anya. What's with the excessive cheeriness?"

"It's my birthday. I want money!" That did nothing, but earn her funny looks. "Anya," Xander warned. "Oh right. Xander said you should all come to The Bronze in celebration of me on Friday. Oh and bring me things." I tried not to laugh at Anya's wide smile. I was surprised that Giles didn't need any coercion to agree to go and excited by the idea that I will finally get to dance with him. Thankfully Lillie and Wesley volunteered to patrol for me that night leaving me free to enjoy myself.

*******

The music in The Bronze was blaring, which Buffy usually loved, but tonight was different; tonight she wanted something that would get her that dance with Giles. She had become very close to Giles over the past months and she was finding herself wanting to get a little closer certainly one dance wasn’t out of the question.

The night had been perfect so far, it was like nothing had changed. Everyone danced, talked, and laughed together; posing for the most outlandish pictures. Xander took one of the group kissing Anya on the cheek as she blew out her candles and Buffy was definitely stealing the double of Giles pretending to bite her neck while she tried not to choke on the piece of cake she was attempting to eat through her laughter. Buffy cherished moments like these, but she wasn’t too happy with the one she was having right now. She and Giles were standing in a corner attempting to have a conversation, but having to yell over the music was putting a damper on the situation. At the moment they were settling for pointing at Xander and Anya’s so called dancing and laughing, at least they were pretty sure the other was laughing it was difficult to tell since they couldn’t hear.

As the music stopped and started playing something slow and easy they looked at each other awkwardly. Buffy looked nervous which puzzled Giles, so he did the only thing he could think of. "Um would you care to dance Buffy?" Immediately her face brightened into a smile, "I thought you’d never ask." Giles returned her smile holding out his arm to her, "shall we?" She took it and they made their way to the middle of the dance floor. Giles placed his hand on her hip as hers rested on his broad shoulder and their joined hands rested against his chest. Slowly they began swaying in time to the music. Buffy recognized the song, but couldn’t place where she had heard it before, oh well, it didn’t matter now. She looked up into his eyes without any words as they listened to the soft male voice begin to sing.

Buffy’s eyes left Giles and she rested her head against their joined hands on his chest letting the music absorb her.

Giles exhaled softly, leaning his head down to rest against her forehead inhaling the scent of her vanilla perfume.

Giles slowly slid the hand previously resting on Buffy’s hip around to lie on the small of her back.

Buffy glided her own hand along Giles shoulder, down his forearm over to his side, sliding down to hook around his waist.

Neither was sure who let go first, but simultaneously their joined hands parted and their arms locked behind the others waist.

They listened to the instrumental wrapped in the warm embrace rocking slowly together to the song.

The song came to an end, but the couple continued moving to their own music surprisingly neither wanted to let go. Nothing could ruin their perfect moment. "Buffy," Lillie’s winded voice came from behind them pulling them apart. "We’ve got trouble at the docks."

*****

Less than an hour later they arrived at the docks. According to Lillie some strong demons and vampires were merging together to wreak havoc on the town for what reason they weren’t sure, but they were on the Hellmouth so things didn’t have to make sense. There were about 25 or 30 of them, too many for Lillie to risk handling on her own. Even though the only person she needed was Buffy the entire gang decided to help, which basically consists of giving encouraging words. The moment a vamp spotted the slayers the fight was on. Buffy quickly took out 4 vamps with her broad sword. Lillie was apparently trying to test out some new Kung Fu moves on a less fortunate vampire. Buffy’s victims were encountering Giles plunge and move on technique. A few of the demons proved to be difficult adversaries because the slayers weren’t sure how to kill them, but they had come to discover that decapitation will kill anything quite nicely and if that doesn’t do the trick then it will sure as hell slow it down. It only took about 15 minutes to take them all out when the slayers worked as a team. Buffy wiped the vampire dust off her jeans looking around she stated, "I think that’s all of them." Lillie nodded and then frowned when as they heard clapping coming from behind them.

A tall purple skinned demon with horns sauntered around to face them. His raspy voice emanated deep in his throat to make it sound even harsher. He looked the slayers from top to bottom in a way that gave Buffy the chills. Whatever he was it wasn’t good. She looked to Giles for an indication of what course of action to take, but his eyes were focused on the ground as far away from the demon as possible, he was visibly breathing hard and had broken out into a sweat.

The demon gave them a sideways grin before he spoke, "Well, I say, good show." Lillie took one look at him and the way he was looking at her replying violently, "Well I say I beat the shit out of you." Buffy’s arm flying out in front of her stopped Lillie’s lunge for the demon. "No, wait. I want to know what the deal is with big, purple, and horny over there." He gave her a smile that just made her want to rip his face off. He eyed the group standing behind the slayers clearly assessing his opponents then his face wandered towards Giles who was standing a few feet across and to the right of Lillie. The demon smiled even wider at Giles down turned face sensing his fear. Buffy’s voice didn’t even pull the demon’s eyes away from Giles, "So what are you doing here?" He laughed a menacing, bone-chilling laugh finally looking at her face he replied, "Ohhh, I’m just here to see an old friend." He looked her over again. She really wanted to rearrange his face with her foot.

"Soooo, this is the girl," he asked Giles. Buffy’s gaze quickly flew to Giles again his eyes were digging a hole in the cement and he looked to be biting his lip. "Oh what’s a matter Rupert, the cat got your tongue? No, well maybe she does." There was that laugh again, Buffy was boiling inside. Buffy spat at him, "he’s not your friend." The demon gave her that smirk obviously enjoying the fact that he was getting a rise out of here and tormenting Giles. "Oh, I don’t know we’ve spent some time together. As I recall he just dropped in one day and stayed for the torture. He really was a lot of fun. You see he doesn’t break easily, but it is thrilling once the hard fall." The realization of what he was saying hit Buffy with full force. Even under Angelus torture, Angel had never been able to break Giles. Whatever had been done to her Giles by this despicable creature standing in front of her was beyond anything she had ever imagined.

The creature continued to look her up and down. "So…this is the girl who plagued you. My, she is beautiful, isn’t she? I wonder what kind of fun I could have with her. Your mind certainly didn’t do her justice Rupert." Giles continued staring at the ground clenching his fists so tight that his knuckles turned white. The demon noticed this and just started in with that laugh again. Buffy was about to shut him up with her foot when Giles beat her to it. Giles foot connected with the demons groin so fast that no one saw him move. The demon was bent over with pain only to have Giles knee smash into his nose then his stomach. Giles had him in a position where he could have easily killed him by snapping his neck, but he kept beating him. Giles was doing so many things that she couldn’t see them all, but she was aware of Giles fist repeatedly crunching into the demons face and several kicks to various parts of the demon’s body. Everyone watched speechless and horrified as the blood was flying everywhere and the sounds of the demon’s bones cracking reverberated through the docks. Finally, not being able to take the sound of the bones grinding together anymore, Buffy attempted to get Giles to stop his attack. All it took was for her to touch his shoulder and softly say his name to make him stop ramming his blood soaked fist into the lifeless body. Breathing hard he turned to look into her eyes with an anguished expression. The tears stared bursting forth as he fell to his knees before her tightly wrapping his arms about her waist leaning his head against her tummy just sobbing, letting all of his repressed sadness and pain flow freely. Buffy couldn’t bear to see him like this and she really wished that everyone wasn’t standing there staring at them. She knew that she was the only one he wanted to share this moment with, but she couldn’t make them leave because then she would have to let him go also and she couldn’t do that. Buffy held him in a tight embrace, as tight as she dared to hold him, rocking him slowly trying to sooth his pain.

********

Giles walked silently into his apartment not acknowledging Buffy’s presence. He hadn’t seemed to be aware of anything since they left the docks. He was quiet the whole drive home and he didn’t move once which really freaked Buffy out. She almost thought he was in shock until she pulled the car in front of his apartment and he practically jumped out. He was in such a hurry to get inside that he almost slammed the door in her face. He headed straight for the kitchen sink to wash the demon blood off his hands scrubbing hard so he could get it all off. Buffy came up behind him turning off the water that he didn’t seem to notice was so hot that it was scalding him. Instead of thanking her he took a deep breath, pushed away from the sink and headed for the liquor cabinet. He seemed to be trying to avoid any eye contact with her whatsoever, which hurt Buffy deeply making her feel like she meant as much to him as that demon he had just beaten to death.

He knocked back one Scotch and Buffy almost cried. "Why are you doing this to yourself? That never makes anything better!!! Will you please stop trying to hide behind that glass and talk to me Giles? This is killing me to see you like this." Hearing the emotion and tears in her voice Giles fought back his own tears put the glass down and finally faced her. "What do you want from me Buffy?" "The truth, just the truth." He swallowed hard a few times not being able to find his voice or knowing where to start. "Giles, what did he…or they do to you? Wha-what did he mean about me?"

He sighed deeply carrying the empty glass with him he walked past her taking a seat on the floor against the kitchen counter. He played with the glass for a while before he finally spoke. "Many things Buffy, they did many things. I suppose it wasn't much different from normal torture techniques. There where lots of things, beatings mostly. There were a lot of those. No matter how much I would scream or cry they just got worse. I’ve never felt anything more painful than feeling my skin burn. You know the wonderful thing about jumping back into this reality is that none of the scars carry through. Well, none of the physical scars anyway." Tears started to silently drip down his face. "The physical abuse wasn’t the worst part. I could take the physical torture, but the mental…that was the breaking point. They could get inside my head and make me see things I didn’t want to see…or things that I wanted. That demon that I killed is really a type of god. He can get inside your mind and make you see things that aren’t really there almost like a hologram of the person you’re thinking about. I was in hell for thousands of years and every second I would wonder where you were. I waited for you…for you to come and save me, but you never did. All I did was think about you, to make everything bearable I thought about you. That’s how they broke me…th-they used you." He finally looked at her knowing that she was hurt and didn’t understand, knowing that he had to continue and finally open up to her. "They could see through me, see what I was thinking and feeling, see things that no other person knows about me. Every wound, every secret buried deep within was exposed to them. Some of the demons took advantage of that more than others. At first I would see you coming to save me and then you would disappear. That drove me mad because I had no perception of reality left." He started crying and breathing harder Buffy braced herself for whatever was coming next. "Eventually you became the demon. You were the one I saw torturing me." He gulped seeing the tears in her eyes. "I kept wishing that you would just…that you would just kill me. You were what finally broke me. They knew you were my weakness…because you were the one I….I loved the most."

He started crying even more, he looked like he was in so much pain. She kneeled down in front of him placing her hands on the knees he was hugging to his chest. He looked into her eyes seeing the mirror of his tears, "They used you because you are the only one that I love…the only one that I was in love with. The only one that I’m still in love with…I love you so much Buffy."

He looked at the tears in her eyes and surmised that he had just said the wrong thing. He pulled his eyes away from her drawing them back to the glass, "I’m sorry. You must hate me right now." Buffy shook her head vehemently placing her hands on the side of his face she kissed his forehead softly, when he turned his head to look in her eyes she kissed his lips with the same softness. He didn’t respond probably because he couldn’t believe what was happening he only looked at her with questions in his eyes. She smiled at him and then he realized that she was crying tears of joy. She caressed his cheek and ran her hand through his hair, "I could never hate you…when I love you so much." He clearly looked like he didn’t understand. "I never realized how much until you were actually gone. I went crazy without you. I don’t know how many times I just wanted to disappear. You are a big part of me and without you here I stopped being me. I started doing everything I could to not think about my pain which was basically me thinking about what pain you were experiencing because of me." He shook his head to protest, but she kept talking.

"All I wanted to do was save you, but I couldn’t…I couldn’t. I dreamt about you every night. Sometimes I had dreams about what you must have been going through. I would usually wake up crying and screaming. Then there were the times I would dream about us together, going on a picnic, talking, sitting together or…or…making love. When you came back, so did I. You became the only reason that I want to get out of bed every morning. Seeing you smile makes me so happy. You make me so happy; you make me a whole person. I don’t want to be here without you." Giles was so touched fresh tears sprang forth along with a smile. He hoped that they wouldn’t cry every time they said those words to each other. He cupped her face in his hands and slowly kissed the tears away from her lovely face. When their lips met again it wasn’t a soft uncertain encounter, but a heated passionate kiss. They were both trying to convey the love they felt for the other with their kisses and soon their touches. After a while Giles decided the floor wasn’t the most comfortable place to continue in the direction he wanted this to go. He rose from the floor, stood in front of Buffy, looking deep into her eyes he held out his hand. She took it and kissed him again once she stood in front of him. After a few minutes Giles reluctantly broke the kiss and tugged her towards the loft giving her a chance to refuse if she wasn’t ready to take that step with him. Not a word passed between them in that moment, Buffy smiled sweetly; kissing Giles softly on the neck she followed him up the loft stairs.

Many hours later Buffy laid awake in Giles arms. He felt so warm next to her and looked so content. He even had a smile on his face and hers brightened when she remembered just how many times went into putting it there. They had both dozed off not long after sunrise and she was glad that she had awoken first this time. They had done a lot of dozing and waking each other up through the night. Every time she had opened her eyes to see Giles watching her, but this time she got to watch her watcher. She could finally watch him sleep without him having a nightmare or waking up screaming and she decided that this was the way she wanted to wake up with him every morning. She rested her hand over his heart; just feeling it beat beneath her fingers. Slowly she leaned over to kiss his temple and then his heart trailing her hand down to play with the hair on his chest and then down the line it tapered off to down his tummy.

The sensation caused Giles to awaken. He made happy sounds as he stretched and gave her that bright smile that made her heart melt. She kissed him passionately and thoroughly before releasing his lips several minutes later. "Good morning to you too, luv." "It is now, but it’s not morning anymore sweetie." Between kisses he asked, "What time is it then?" Buffy pulled her lips away just long enough to answer him, "a little after noon." He kissed her again not really caring about the time, but he commented anyway, "Hmmmmm, that early huh?" Buffy laughed through their kisses at hearing Giles refer to noon as being early. All thoughts left her mind when Giles wrapped both arms around her pulling her close to his body continuing with the kisses she adored. Things got more heated as Giles hands explored her body and she straddled his. They were both lost in the mind blowing kisses when Buffy reluctantly pulled away. "Hmm, what’s wrong Luv?" Buffy ran her nails down his chest teasingly and then replied, "I have to go." Giles leaned up to kiss her neck, "No you don’t." Buffy swatted his chest playfully, "Yes I do. I was supposed to go to brunch with my mother over an hour ago. She is probably worried sick about me." Giles ran his fingers along her elbows stroking her arms lightly he said, "Then you better go." He hugged her to him tightly, kissing her soundly before letting her go and watching her dress and leave with her reassurance that she’d see him tonight. He had lay back down and was almost asleep when a thought entered his mind that made him sit bolt upright. <Oh my god!! What are we going to tell Joyce?>

******

Joyce Summers sat working diligently at her dinning room table sorting through various paperwork for the gallery. She had been at it for hours, but wasn't actually getting much accomplished. Her mind had been sporadically drifting all morning. She had woken up around 9AM and thought the day would be complete if brunch was followed by an afternoon of shopping. Upon going to confirm the day's plans with Buffy she discovered that her room was empty and her bed hadn't been slept in. It wasn't uncommon for Buffy to not come home at night, but she would usually find time to call albeit very late on occasion, or tell her before hand of her possible absence. All morning Joyce was worried about where Buffy was and what she was doing. Joyce was well aware of the fact that Buffy was twenty years old and could do as she pleased, but that never stopped her from worrying, Buffy was her daughter after all. The idea that something may have happened last night during patrol kept creeping into her head. She tried to ignore the dreadful thoughts, however, now she was replaying scenario after scenario in her head. If she didn't her from Buffy soon she was going to start calling around. They weren't due to leave for brunch for another hour and a half, Buffy would show up she probably just stayed at Willow's.

********

Buffy slowly unlocked the front door to her house. Sneaking in the house at this hour was going to be difficult. She seriously doubted that her mother was still asleep and what she doubted even more was that her mother was unaware of the fact that she hadn't slept in her bed last night. She could only hope that Joyce didn't find out exactly whose bed she had been sleeping in. She wasn't ashamed of anything she and Giles had done together, but she knew her mother would freak if her reaction to finding out about Angel was any indication. The truth was that Rupert meant too much to her to hear her mother ridicule him and herself, it would hurt her too much. Buffy crept through the entryway in a manner so stealthy even a cat would be jealous. Now all that was left was to make it up the stairs.

"Buffy!"

Reluctantly she descended the stairs to face the firing squad. When she saw Joyce's worried face her heart broke. She didn't want to lie to her mother, but telling her about last night's actual events wasn't an option. <What am I going to tell her? Sorry I didn't come home last night, Mom. I was having sex with Giles. That's really going to win her over. > "Hi Mom!" Joyce stared at her daughter obviously waiting for her to say more. When Joyce realized that she wasn't going to offer anything more she decided to ask for something. "You didn’t come home last night. Buffy I was worried that something terrible happened to you." Buffy sighed heavily, she knew she had to answer her mother’s unspoken question; however she was boiling over with internal conflict. She was torn between wanting to scream from the rooftops that she and Giles had made love and not wanting to let anyone in on their private little world. For now she opted for the later.

"I'm sorry Mom. I didn't mean to make you worry, but last night Lillie and Wes came to The Bronze needing help with a demon and it took a lot longer than expected. It was so late that I just slept at her place."

"Oh. Did anything else happen? Are you alright?"

"Yeah Mom I'm fine, really. I'm just going to change and I'll be down in a little while."

The look on her daughter's face told Joyce that there was something on her mind. She was obviously leaving out something important. Buffy was doing what she always did, trying to protect her from the truth. It was a quality Joyce loved and despised at the same time. She appreciated the fact that Buffy didn’t want to make her worry, hurt, or be scared, but she also wanted to know what was happening in her daughter's life. "Are you sure Buffy? You know that you can tell me anything, honey. I want to know what you're thinking about, what put that look on your face." Sighing Buffy replied, "it's nothing really Mom. I just want to go take a shower." Joyce knew she wasn't going to win this one, so rather than starting a fight she took defeat in stride. "Okay, but if you need to talk about something you know where I'll be."

Buffy made her way to the stairs and for the second time that day she stopped midway to turn and make her way back to her mother. Her daughter's voice pulled her permanently away from her paperwork. She took a long, deep sigh, "actually Mom something did happen last night and I know I'm gonna have to tell you eventually, but I'm scared. I'm scared that you aren’t going to like what I have to say. I'm afraid of your reaction and that things you might say are going to hurt me, hurt us. I'm afraid that I might not be able to forgive you for them."

"How about I just listen then?"

Buffy nodded her approval and then took a seat at the table opposite her mother. "Okay um last night Lillie came to The Bronze needing our help her with a demon. When we got there one of the nastier ones recognized Giles."

"From hell?"

"Yeah. He just lost it and he beat the demon to death with his bare hands. Needless to say Giles was wigged out majorly. He was crying in my arms Mom. Anyway, I took him home and we talked. I mean we really talked, about everything. He shared so much with me it was like he finally let me in, completely. Even though it looked like it hurt him to tell me this, he…told me that he loved me," Buffy let out a tiny little laugh as her somber tale started to take on a harmonious tone.

"I couldn't believe it. I mean, how could something so wonderful ever happen to me, but there he was sitting in front of me, so I kissed him. When I opened my eyes and he was still there I…I told him that I was in love with him too. I told him how much I need him and how I can’t stand not being near him and how happy he makes me. He actually had tears in his eyes, but he still kissed mine away."

"He took my hand in his and we went upstairs and just lay on his bed together. I think we stayed just like that kissing, and talking, and lightly touching each other for hours. It was like that song lyric I love; he's like heaven to touch. When he looked into my eyes there was no way I could be away from him. It was like he could see right through my soul. We kissed again and it was so passionate, so intense. I never wanted to stop kissing him. Soon I was feeling his touch on my skin instead of through my clothes. I don't know how long we stayed like that because time just stopped. He made me feel like there was nothing else left in this Earth except the two of us. Then we were making love. I guess we had been all night, but now we were finally together. I felt completed with him inside of me. I've never felt that way in my 20 years, ever. I cried Mom. I….I felt like I was really giving him my virginity….like we were both giving that gift to each other. I know that is so crazy because I wasn't a virgin and he certainly wasn't one, but it felt like we were the only ones the other should have ever been with. We just kept making love, neither one of us wanted to be apart from the other. We fell asleep in each other's arms. I woke up and he was still there. It wasn't a dream. He didn't leave me. We made love with the sunrise. I've never felt so…serene. I couldn't imagine ever feeling like that again, but I do now just thinking about him."

Finally Buffy looked up into Joyce's eyes. She was in no way expecting the reaction she was about to get. "Wow," she sounded astonished with a bit of longing. "That's…that's beautiful Buffy."

"What? You're not upset with this?"

"How could I be after that? I know you love him. You changed so much when he was gone and when he came back it was like the life came back to you. Remember that I was there Buffy for all those nights that you had nightmares and dreams about him. I was there to hold you every time you woke up screaming or crying or both because he wasn’t with you. I saw how far you fell without him here. The minute you knew you could get him back the sparkle came back to your eyes. I've seen the way you look at each other; I'm not blind. You two are good for each other. I've never seen you this happy before. Glowing can't even describe the way you look right now. I love you honey and I'm not going to stand in the way of your happiness."

"Thank you. I love you too, Mom."

Joyce smiled, "okay now can I ask you a question?"

"I think that fair."

"You gave a pretty vivid description of last night," she stopped to laugh at Buffy's bright red face, "anyway I just have to ask, were you careful Buffy?"

"Yeah we were and we are going to keep being careful. I know all about birth control and we used condoms, too."

"That's good." Joyce could tell how much her daughter had matured. Three years ago she would have never told her the intimate details of her night with Giles or so openly answer questions about different methods of safe sex she was utilizing. In some twisted way Joyce couldn't explain, she felt proud of her. She was happy that Buffy and Giles had found each other. She could get past the age thing. A smile crossed her face when she pictured a day when Buffy would be Mrs. Giles and they would all go out in public together and the looks on people's faces when Rupert would call her "Mum." <Hee hee. >

"So you're okay with this?"

"Yes, I am." She was rewarded with a 1000-watt smile.

"So," Buffy said in a singsong voice, "if I don't come home some nights you won't mind?"

"I won't mind. I'm just not ready to wake you in the morning to find you and Giles naked in your bed. I understand completely that you are going to be with him, but I'd prefer that it not be in my house. I know it is your room and he can stay over, I just don't want to hear any moaning. And if there is moaning involved I don't want to know about it. And…"

Buffy laughed, "Mom stop!" After another fit of laughter on both parts Buffy said, "I can respect those rules, don't worry."

"I'm your mother, I have to worry."

"I do love him Mom."

"I know. Hey, let’s go shopping."

"That sounds like a plan. I should get something Giles would like to see me in. What do you think of crotch-less panties?"

"BUFFY!"

"I was just kidding."

TBC...

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