Title: Finding His Lover
Author: Kate K.
Summary: For the Benefit of Sevr’l Readers, the tale of how the affaire of Mr. Giles and Mistress Chase came to be! Told from view of the gentleman concern’d.
Spoilers/Timeline: None indicated by Author.
Rating: NC-17 - D/s, Spank,
Pairing: Cordelia/Giles
Disclaimer: The authoress makes no claim to the rights held by Mr.(s) Wheedon, Greenwalt or Mutant Enemy and makes no slurs of character against such persons.
Distribution: Please email Author.
Author Notes: All errors in formatting are to be pardon’d.
All enquiry’s to be sent to Senior Penante’s Popular Novels at kkeene@neosoft.com

Rupert was so lucky with her. He would never have believed what a passionate girl Cordelia was when he'd first met her. She was so aloof and proud, just like one of his mother's cats. Just like a cat, you never knew how deep she'd scratch when her claws were out. He was wary at first when she joined their little circle, but bit by bit he noticed that in her own way, she was giving her all for the cause. She did care about the others, even if she refused to admit it. Rupert genuinely liked her, and had worried that the others might drive her away. Of course, he'd not thought of her sexually. Well, not as such, really. He prevented himself from imagining any of the girls that way. It was hard at times, especially when they'd come rushing in, smelling of sunshine and outdoors, dressed in light clothes that hugged their blooming curves. They were completely unaware of the effect they created. However as much as he resisted, Rupert was only a man. Cordelia was a beautiful girl, her body a step closer to womanhood than the others, at least to him. He was proud that he'd never allowed his reactions to her show, no matter how much the image of her long legs wrapped around his hips and her breasts pressed to his chest brought him to pleasure at home in his shower.

He had maintained a dignified reserve until he had found her notebook.

Rupert had not known it was hers, not at first. He had just seen it on the table in the library. Reaching across the table, he picked it up backwards. As he'd lifted it, a paperback copy of The Story of O had fallen out. He'd picked it up with an indulgent half-smile. The spine was well raised, someone had clearly read it over and over. Dog-eared corners marked particular spaces, like when O was first whipped by the members of the Chateau and then passed sexually around to the men. When she gives her permission to Rene to be whipped for her love for him, and again when she is bullied into consenting to be examined by Sir Stephen. The naïve romanticism of it all charmed him. He took the notebook and paperback into his office. It wouldn't do to leave those lying about.

Almost as soon as the bell had rung after class, Cordelia had bolted into the library. She looked on all the tables and then under them. Stirring a cup of tea, he stood in his office doorway and watched her.

"Hello, Cordelia."

She stood up straight and stiff. Her smile was a bit too bright and showy. "Oh, hi, Giles."

"Did you need something?" Rupert figured out that the notebook was probably hers, then. He waited for her to ask if he'd seen it.

"No! Uh, no...not at all...I just thought I'd left something here. I didn't. I must have left it in my car."

"What was it? Perhaps, I'll find it for you." He sipped, watching her face with care. She blanched.

"No! I don't think so! I need to run." Before he could utter another word, she'd flown out the door as if she feared being pursued.

It sat on his desk all afternoon. His curiosity became feverishly high. With a flush of guilt, he pushed aside the ancient text he was taking notes from and opened the green notebook.

It was not a school notebook that was certain. It didn't seem to be a diary either, he was relieved to note. It was a combination of handwritten pages and computer printouts. Several pages were excerpts from books, poems and stories, all sex related and most about Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and submission. Others were printouts from the Internet, articles on sex acts and fetishes. He leafed through it, and came across a sketch of himself. A very good one, at that. With one relevant feature.

He was nude.

Her perspective of him was not all that exaggerated either. Though, she did have him circumcised, he noticed with amusement.

Intrigued, Rupert turned the pages more slowly. There were more sketches, ones definitely intended not for public viewing. In most of them, she hadn't bothered to fill in the faces, mostly concentrating on the bodies, the light and the shadows. However, it didn't take much to realize that the female figures tended to have long, dark hair flowing over their shoulders. Often the characters would be nude, bound standing or laid out on a bed. In others the figures were dressed in clothes that were often richly detailed. Tightly laced corsets, leather teddies, decorated bras and other non-Paris wardrobe were alive in colored pencils.

He came across a very interesting one. In it she showed a nude woman between two clothed men. It looked as if she'd placed the shadows of the scene on the page first, and then filled in the light afterwards. The background was made ominous with streaks of dark color. One man had the woman's wrists in one hand, and an arm thrown around her shoulders and a hand tangled in her hair, bending her forward to kneel. They were beside what looked like a sarcophagus, or perhaps a crypt or tomb. Very interesting. The other man was behind her, reaching a hand towards her hip. It led itself to many possible interpretations. Was the girl afraid? Was she being protected by the first man from the second? Was she about to be ravished by both?

The faces of the figures were only filled in with just a hint of features. Yet, by size and cut of dress, Rupert strongly suspected that these men were based on Angel and himself. He looked to the page next to the drawing. There in Cordelia's flowing, looping writing the pages told the tale. He backed up a few pages to where the fantasy began and read it. It was fiction, an attempt at a story.

It was clear to him by her descriptions in just whom the players were. However, she covered her tracks, if the reader hadn't known him or Angel nobody would be the wiser. She wrote him to be an archeologist and herself his assistant. She never used anyone's names, only their titles. Angel was still a vampire, and he certainly seemed a bit more dangerous than Buffy tended to insist. At least at that time, Rupert noted, checking the scribbled date on the first page. It was written before Buffy's 17th birthday, before Angel had lost his soul. Cordelia must have written this shortly after she found out about him, trying to come to terms with the revelation, he had thought. Also, she made the archeologist as the dominant one, who called the shots and held all the players in check. Giles was humbled by this knowledge, this trust - even in fantasy - that he could protect her.

He was not prepared for how erotic the story was. The story was basically simple, the assistant traps all three of them in a crypt. The two men, one natural and one supernatural, become angry at her carelessness. Then they question her motives, wondering if this wasn't intentional or at least subconscious, on her part. Her desire for them is revealed, but she is still hesitant to admit it. They grow impatient with her perceived manipulations. She becomes contrite and surrenders herself to them. They take turns, alternatively punishing and seducing her.

Rupert read the tale slowly. Most of the action was definitely influenced by Histoire d'O, and other books she had read. Yet, the similar phrases didn't come across as being recycled. She described the feelings with deductive accuracy as well as melodrama. When he got to the last page, there was a long powerful scene. The vampire guided the girl on her knees and supported her as the archeologist based on Rupert slowly buggered her. The scene was described simply, probably due to inexperience, but assumed pleasure in it. The dialog she gave his character, however, was more sophisticated than he expected to find.

"He pushed inside her with care, in contrast to his earlier fierce thrusts. The girl moaned, and the vampire's hand gently touched her face.

"'It feels good, doesn't it?' The archeologist's voice was soft, but still stern as he grabbed her hips. 'Yes. It's better for me that way, and more embarrassing for you. You want it, but who will you ever be able to admit that to? It makes you feel dirty, but it's all pure pleasure and that will only make you want it more, and you'll always know I gave it to you.'

"She rocked back and forth with his body, blushing fiercely, but still moaning in ecstasy. She nudged at the vampire, kissing his body, butting her head towards him, hoping he'd do something else to her, maybe push his big cock in her mouth again, so she'd have something to distract her. He kissed her head and held her shoulders firmly, leaving her open to the sensations, filling her world with nothing except the cock moving in her."

Rupert pushed the book back and whipped off his glasses, as he struggled to get control of his reaction. He was aroused, suddenly and harshly. He closed his eyes and he could see her in his mind, kneeling on Angel's leather coat, naked and open to him. The words...were something he might very well have said under the circumstances.

She's alive for it. A dark voice from the back of his mind whispered. She's ripe and ready for harvest. A perfect slave, just waiting for you to extend your hand.

Rupert was shocked by his own thoughts. No, he wasn't like that anymore. That was all a part of his life that he'd set aside a long time ago. Come on - let yourself think of that, old man. Pushing into her tight arse, cheeks all hot and pink from being punished. You know you've been tempted to drag her by the hair into your office and take the beautiful little bitch over your knee a hundred times. Imagine if she wanted you to, as well. She's always the queen, always high up on a pedestal, always having to lay the law with her court, always the one in control. Excessive control is just about always the sign of a repressed submissive, you know that yourself. You've seen her with the boys, she wants to be soft and she wants to adore them, but she turns around and acts the princess- except for Xander, who hurt her so terribly. She just doesn't trust them. But she trusts you. Just think of it...

Much as he tried to resist he had thought of it. He took the notebook home and studied the contents. He would get hard thinking of the things she was clearly interested in. Things he could do to her. With bitter shame he realized it was the first time he'd thought of sex since Jenny died. He hoped her spirit would forgive him.

That night Cordelia's beautiful, athletic body haunted him. He let himself dream of collaring her, leading her on a leash, holding her soft hair as she took him in her mouth. Of punishing her for her caustic retorts by taking a ruler to her ripe backside until her skin flamed red and she begged forgiveness. Lacing her up with lengths of rope and tormenting her senses with hot and cold, softness and severity. Bringing her to orgasm over and over again, as she writhes and begs. Hearing her call him her master.

He could do it. He could find a way. The girl was eighteen after all, and he had never been like a parent to her. Perhaps, just once or twice they could share this. If she wanted him...Rupert wrote a note and shoved it into the book. "If you too afraid to ask, you'll be too afraid to do. What do you want?" he left in unsigned. Let it be her choice. If she decided not to reply, he would not treat her any differently and he would never mention it again. The next morning in the library he gave the notebook back with a simple, "I believe you forgot this." She'd thanked him, her cheeks blushing crimson as she took it from his hands.

Cordelia waited so long to reply to the note, that he had all but given up. Then on a Sunday afternoon, she knocked on the door of his flat. He invited her in. He gave her a seat on the sofa and had gotten drinks for them. They sat for a long time without speaking.

"You saw my notebook." She blurted out.

"Yes, I did. I shouldn't have read it and I do apologize for that. At first, I just wanted to see whom it belonged to. Then, I got a bit carried away with it. You must admit, it is compelling reading." He confessed with a grin. She smiled shyly back.

"I got your note." She blushed. "And if...if I wanted to ask...what do I do?"

"What do you want, Cordelia? Some of the things in that book? Do you really want to give up control to someone? Does that excite you?"

She blushed to the roots of her hair, but she nodded. "Yes."

He set his mug down. "Being tied up? Being disciplined?" Cordelia blushed again, but he could also see the slight tremble of her knees and the sudden increase of her breath. She still nodded. "Yes."

"Are you a virgin, Cordelia?" Rupert didn't think so, but he wanted to be sure.

Immediately she straightened up and crossed her arms over her chest. "No...no, I'm not. But I'm not a slut."

"Cordelia, it was only a question, not a judgement." He said softly. "Relax. Do you want me? Sexually, I mean."

She blushed again, and her mouth opened and closed. Her eyes dropped to the floor.

"Do you?" He asked again.

"Yes." She whispered.

"How much of this do you want to learn? Just to see if you enjoy it?" He reached out and lifted her face up with his hand. "I can teach you, if you want. I am willing to."

Her eyes widened in shock and her lips quivered. "You...would? You'd like it?"

"I have before." He leaned over and kissed her. Her mouth was soft, tender and sweet. He savored that first gentle kiss. "I would. I've thought about you, too. You're a beautiful and exciting girl. But no one must know."

She nodded fiercely in agreement. Then she found her voice. "Please...show me? Teach me?"

"You'll have to do as you're told." He told her. He got to his feet and went over and locked the door with the privacy bolt. "Go upstairs to my bedroom. Get undressed."

Slowly, with a lot of backward glances, she went up the stairs. God, he was already getting hard for her. Going into the kitchen, he poured himself a stiff glass of single malt and shot it back. With resolve, he took off his jacket and tie and followed her up the stairs.

He was faced with one of the most beautiful sights he could remember. She'd obeyed and was standing naked. Her long legs, her seal curve hips, glorious breasts and blushing face met his eyes. He moved to her slowly, maintaining his composure. She needs you to be a master, so don't fall over her like a schoolboy.

He walked around her slowly, looking her over, drinking her in. His hand reached out and lightly cupped a breast, it was heavy and hot to his touch. He moved around her and saw her graceful back and wonderful bottom. He ran his hand up over her cheeks, and up her back. He moved his hand to the back of her neck and pushed her down on her knees. She moved down gracefully, like she was born to.

"That is your position before we begin anything. If you aren't in it, that means you don't want to continue or you're willfully disobedient. Understand?" He sat in a chair facing her.

"Yes." She whispered.

"It's yes, sir. Always. You are allowed to call me by name, but it's yes, sir when you are addressed. You call me sir when you speak to me. Understand? If you forget, that will also be seen as being willfully disobedient. If that happens, then you will be punished for it."

"Yes, sir." She said clearly.

"Good girl. Now, you're coming to me because you need this from me. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes, sir." She blushed again.

"You want to give up control. You want to feel things. Sometimes, you want to be punished don't you?"

"I...I don't know...I..."Finally, she sighed and closed her eyes. "Yes, sir."

"You have to admit it to me, Cordelia. I'm the one who can understand and who can give this to you."

"It's hard. It's so hard." She whispered. "Sir."

"I know." He reached out and gently touched her hair. "I think we best start with a taste of discipline. It's not enough to say that you understand, you've got to show me your submission. Can you do that?"

"I'll try, sir." She looked at the floor. "What do you want to do?"

"I think something simple. A spanking, over my lap...I'll only use my hand on you. Do you think you can handle that? How long has it been since you were spanked? Not since you were a little girl?"

She shook her head and dropped her eyes. That wouldn't do. He seized her jaw and lifted her face. "Answer correctly."

"No, sir. I haven't been spanked since I was a little girl." She told him. It was humiliating for her to admit, he could see. Good, she was entirely too proud. He wanted to see how much farther he could press her.

"Would you like one now?"

"I...yes, sir." She tried to drop her eyes again. He wouldn't let her.

"A bare-bottom hiding over my knee. Spanked like a naughty child, Cordelia. That's what you want, so tell me. You have to ask me for it."

"Yes, sir." She took a deep breath, and licked her lip. "I want it. I want you to spank me on your lap, sir. I want you to...pun...punish me. It...it excites me...it turns me on." She stammered out. "Please, Giles, do this for me?"

"Do what Cordelia?" She had to ask.

"Give me a spanking?" She whispered.

"Ask again, saying please sir." He told her. He couldn't be light on her with his authority, not yet. "Ask again, and I will."

This was the moment, he knew. If she could humble herself this much, he knew he'd have the note of her submission. If she couldn't do this, she wouldn't face the rest, and his control would be compromised. Also, just hearing her beg reached down inside and set him alight. God, how he wanted her.

"Give me a spanking, please sir?" She said, eyes moist with wounded pride. He leaned over and kissed her in reward. Then he got up and went to the bed and sat.

"Come here on your knees." He commanded. She obeyed and was soon kneeling before him. "Come up, over my lap, just let your legs dangle. Now lace your fingers behind your neck. Good girl. If you need me to stop for a moment, say my name. If it gets too much tell me, and I'll stop. Otherwise, I'm going to continue until I think you've had enough. I'm only going to use my hand. All right?"

"Yes, sir." She said, moving her head to the side so she could see him.

The rush of power that came when he laid the first slap on her bottom was an instant high. It grew with the next several slaps, especially as she squeaked and gasped, but didn't try to pull away. He laid his hand on her back to steady her. Her flesh was so soft, so ripe and inviting. She was so willing. She had lovely pink blooms before she involuntarily reached back. He stopped a minute and stroked her. He spoke gently to her, telling her how beautiful her bottom was. He moved to spank her thighs, which hurt a bit more from the slaps than her arse. She kicked out at the sting but he held her steady. It was like this at first, having to overcome the resistance.

His cock was soon aching under her.

He took his time. He wanted to be thorough, since now he was sure she would not stop him. He could hear the confused pleasure-pain in her gasps, feel the heat of her against his lap. Soon, she would give in, her resistance would break and she would just get lost in the feelings. She was now a lovely pink under his hand, and he could feel her giving herself over. Her bottom started to arch up to him slightly. Rupert slapped harder then, giving her more. She moaned now, clearly aroused. He went on longer than he originally expected to. Her bottom was hot and tender, glowing from his efforts. She was limp from the spanking, laying there gasping across his lap. Her eyes were shut, her mouth moist. He never wanted to screw anyone so badly in his life.

Again, he restrained himself. He lifted her gently up, and set her back on the floor on her knees. She flinched as she touched her backside. "Follow me, pet."

He led her over to his full-length mirror. He positioned her in front of it, kneeling up so she could see her bottom and thighs. "Look at yourself."

She touched herself with her fingertips, eyes wide with wonder. "I'm so red."

"Yes, you are. All hot and red." He told her. He couldn't hold back any more, he had to touch her. He slid a hand between her thighs in the front. She was wet and swollen. Her pearl was stone hard under his exploring fingers. "You're wet, Cordelia, soaking wet. That's how badly you needed this. All this lust, from being disciplined by me. Feel me." He slid a finger inside her, then two. Her muscles grasped him hard and she cried out in pleasure. "Oh, yes. So full of desire." He moved his fingers out and circled her hard pearl. She groaned in response. "Just pleasure now, just delight afterwards. It's glorious, isn't it? All right, now, you can release, you can come, I've got you." She came under his hand, hard and breathless, her body falling against him. He kissed her forehead and laid her gently on the carpet.

He got up and moved away. He went to his bedside table and brought out some lotion. Going into the lavatory, he dampened a washcloth with cool water. He brought his own breathing under control. He wasn't going to fuck her, he told himself. She was not ready, nor was she used thinking of him as a sex partner yet. She's just had her first taste. Let her savor that.

He went back to her side and covered her bottom with the cloth. She gasped as it touched. "I know, I know." He murmured. "Just let it cool you. I'll take care of you."

She looked up at him, her dark eyes round and concerned. "What about you...sir?" She amended. "Don't you want to...don't you need to?"

"Don't worry about that at the moment." He squirted some lotion on his hand and rubbed it over her redness.

She lifted her upper body up. "But that's not okay...sir...Sir, don't you want me, too?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Cordelia. Of course I do." He took her hand and pressed it against his erection for a moment. "But be still and let me do this, or you'll be sore and stiff later."

"But...but...I want to take care of you, too. You just did this for me." She pulled away and started to kneel up. "Let me do this for you!" He stared at her, touched by her insistence. She was grateful for what he had done. She really did want him. He looked at her and touched her cheek. He struggled with himself and his authority. "You do not command, Cordelia. You can ask, but you cannot dictate. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." She nodded. "I'm sorry, sir. Please, ...let me give you pleasure somehow?"

"You have given me pleasure. I've enjoyed punishing you, and giving you an orgasm." He told her, his voice thick.

"I want to... let me get you off, sir? Please?" She begged him.

He could not deny her. He wanted to seize her, spin her around and plunge into her. But deep in his mind, he knew he needed to wait. He rose up and walked over to the bed. "Come here."

He lay down on the bed and patted the cover beside him. "Up here, on your knees." She obeyed him at once. "Open my trousers, there's the girl. Take me out, gently, very good. Have you sucked a man off before?"

"Yes, sir. Well, not a man, but they were guys. You know, teenagers?" She nodded. She looked at him with wide eyes.

"I know, I look a bit different. Circumcision isn't as common in England as America. Just move the foreskin with your fingers. Yes, like that." He groaned in pleasure. "Take me in your mouth. You can lick and suck me off."

She didn't need any encouragement. He was ready, eager for her mouth. She was a little rough and untutored, but it felt wonderful. It didn't take long for him to reach his peak and he came in her mouth. She gagged a little but refused to pull away, holding him between her lips until he was done. He slid from her mouth as he softened and she licked him afterwards. He pulled her close, and hugged her. "That was very good."

"Thank you, sir."

Rupert turned her face to him. "I should punish you, though. Do you know why?"

Much to his pleasure, she nodded. "For trying to tell you what do, sir?"

"Exactly." He sat up. "You know you deserve it, don't you?"

She looked down, her normally haughty face soft and contrite. "Yes, sir."

"All right, then. But I think you've had enough today." He touched her hair. "Next Sunday, come back around two. If I am to continue your training, I expect you to be punctual. We'll take care of the punishment first thing."

Her head shot up and she looked at him with surprise. "You want me to come back?"

"Yes, I do. I told you, I enjoyed it." He leaned in and gave her a kiss. "And you didn't say sir. That makes two, now."

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry. May I ask...what will my punishments be?" She looked absurdly happy at the prospect.

"Yes, you may always ask. I think a bit of whipping with a strap should remind you not try to dictate to me again, don't you? A few pinches on your nipples to remind you to say sir." He stroked her hair again. He was amused by the slight look of alarm on her face.

"Whipping, sir? A strap? Like a belt?" She asked.

"Thicker and wider than a belt, not so painful. I may hurt you, Cordelia, for our mutual pleasure, but I would never harm you. Do you understand that? Do you trust me?"

"Yes, sir. I think I understand, at least I'm trying to. I trust you, Giles." She leaned forward, but stopped herself. "May I kiss you, sir?"

"Very good. Yes, you may." He kissed her back with warmth. "Now lay down and roll on your belly. I want to finish with the lotion." He tended to her with care, and sent her home. She might have to sleep on her belly tonight, but he left her unmarked.

He'd dragged his old toy box out of the storeroom, covered with dust after fifteen years neglect. After checking and cleaning the equipment, he was happy to find things he'd forgotten he'd owned. Remembering their afternoon brought him to orgasm several times that week.

She'd come back next Sunday. He would be ready for her.

*End*