Title: Season of Change 7/?
Author: Katy Hart
Disclaimer: Joss and company own them. I’m just
changing things for the better.
From Buffy’s Diary Nov 24, 98
Got the SAT scores back today. 1430. Willow was all proud and stuff. I think the look on Giles’ face can reasonably be described as shocked. Him and mom both. He was just as proud of Willow and Cordelia’s scores, but not ‘stunned’.
Mom was all talk of college and going away. I don’t know. I mean for the last three years all I’ve ever thought about is Slaying. That’s been my life. And now…well now even Giles is saying I could go away what with Faith here and all.
We really didn’t talk about it a lot; he was busy packing for this retreat thing. I’m not sure why, but I get the feeling it’s somehow connected to him and me and the….thing we’ve got going on. Or he could just want to get away for a while. He wants me to take Angel on patrol.
Angel has been doing really well. He remembers everything, including me sending him to Hell. It makes things really awkward. What little conversations we’ve had involved me telling him that I was over him. He’s even more awkward around Giles. But he’s been restless the last few days, so maybe patrol will be good for him.
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles November 24, 1998
Buffy received her SAT scores today. 1430 is quite a good score. It makes all the studying while on patrol worthwhile. I think I may have shown surprise at how well she did, but I believe I hid it well. Willow had come in earlier with her scores, perfect. She will have her choice of any school in the country and possibly several from other countries. Cordelia also did very well, in the 1300s I believe. Xander refused to show anyone his scores. I don’t remember if he actually took the test.
As I packed for my retreat, I encouraged Buffy to think of college. With Faith here and the imminent arrival of a new Watcher, she could go, even out of state. Buffy seemed surprised that I would suggest something like that, but I do want her to be happy and lead a normal life. College would be a part of that.
I asked her to take Angel on patrol while I was gone. I am going to Breaker’s Woods. I think I told Buffy something about druidic ruins. That is only part of it. I need some time away, from Buffy, to evaluate my feeling for her. Try to separate the Watcher from the man. If only it were as simple as writing it down here.
From Buffy’s Diary
Spike. Why did it have to be Spike? Mom called the library looking for me, wanting to talk about college, again. Then I hear Spike’s voice. So naturally I bolted for home. Angel was already there. So big tussle and Spike says he has Willow. He won’t say where until she’s done a spell for him.
We follow him to the magic store and he’s moaning and whining about Dru. Seems she wised up and dumped him. But he still wanted her and so, spell. We’re gathering up ingredients and he’s blathering on about Dru. Then he turns to me and Angel accuses us of making, and I quote, ‘googly eyes’ at each other. As if.
Just when we were ready to leave, vampires showed up. For Spike. How unsurprising. I don’t want to bore myself with the details, that’s Giles’ job, but we won. Spike decided that the fight was fun. He told us where to find Willow. Then he said he was off to find Dru, he was going to torture her until she loved him again. Ick.
Well, Giles will be back in a couple of days. This should be an interesting entry for his Watcher’s Diary. But now off for more Mom time, looking at brochures and stuff. You know, I can’t believe I’m actually thinking about the whole college thing. Me, in college. Weird.
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles November 26, 1998
Apparently while I was away Spike showed up. Something to do with Drusilla. The details are in my official diary for the Council. All that matters is Buffy came to no harm and that Willow is also safe. Buffy tells me Angel fought well and that it is unlikely we will have to continue our visits to the mansion any more. But she did imply that it did not mean the end of our daily talks.
My trip was only partially successful. I got a lot out of seeing the druidic ruins, Fascinating things really. However my emotional dilemma remains unresolved. There is no separating my duties as a Watcher from my feeling for Buffy. They are intimately connected. After being away from her for a few days, I do not believe I would change that fact.
I love her. There is really no avoiding that fact. I love Buffy. It is not the first time a Watcher has been involved with his Slayer. But by today’s standards, such a thing would be frowned upon. She is only seventeen and need not be burdened by a man more than twice her age. It is ironic to write that, considering she had been involved with a vampire who is nearly a century and a half old. But outwardly, Angel looks closer to her age. Although Buffy says she is over him, and I do not doubt it, I am wary of saying anything. She deserves someone younger, more vital and I am not that man. So I shall continue to love her from afar, do my best to keep her alive for the person who can love her in public.