Title: Betrayal
Author: LadyForASH
Rated: NC17
Disclaimer: You know that nothing belongs to me. Joss created it all. Please don't sue!
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Buffy and Giles worked on finishing their meals in silence. Both really just picked at their food, lost in their own thoughts.
Giles tried not to be selfish, but he couldn't help the thoughts that crept in as he watched Buffy playing with her food. Why couldn't she see how much he loved her, and how important she was to him? How come she couldn't grasp that? And if she did…how come it didn't matter? Did Giles not matter at all to her, after all this time? Did none of them? It made him so frustrated and angry that he wanted to leap out of his chair, grab her by the shoulders, and shake her. She was wallowing do deeply in her own misery that she didn't even see what she was doing to everyone else. Giles was so worried about her that his every thought was of her, how to help her, how to bring a smile to her face, how to guide her into finding herself again. Just to see her smile. If he lost her forever once again, he didn't know how he'd survive. Then he'd berate himself for being selfish once again. God, they were all so selfish that they'd pulled Buffy out of her own grave. What was wrong with them?
He paid the bill and held the boxes of their uneaten food. They walked back to the beach house with heavy hearts, the silence oppressing rather then comforting.
Giles put the box of leftovers in the fridge and came out of the kitchen to see Buffy standing in the middle of the living room. She tilted her head at Giles. "No TV?"
"No," Giles said softly. "I usually do some reading in the evenings."
Buffy sighed. "Don't you ever not research?"
Giles had to smile a little at that. "I actually read for pleasure every once in awhile."
Buffy snorted. "When don't you."
"Well, I suppose that is true. I do find research pleasurable," Giles agreed, "but sometimes I read for no other purpose then to lose myself in a good story." He went over to the book shelf and pulled out one of his favorite books, Excalibur. It was the story of King Arthur and his sword, and the Knights of the Round Table. "Here, sit down. Let me read to you."
Buffy wasn't sure about it, but figured she had nothing else to do. She kicked off her shoes and sat down on the sofa with her feet curled beneath her. Giles sat next to her and opened the book. Soon they were both lost in the epic battle of good versus evil, Merlin and magic, and a deep though anguished love story between the King and Queen and Sir Lancelot.
When Giles read out loud to her, he put everything into the words. It was more then words on a page. His voice resonated and brought the characters to life. Buffy was in awe, and time flew by.
It was very late when Giles felt Buffy's head against his shoulder. Her breathing was easy and deep, and he realized she was asleep. He marked the page with an old leather bookmark and closed the book, setting it on the coffee table. Then he shifted so Buffy's head was against his chest. He put his feet up on the table and took off his glasses. Holding her close, he closed his own eyes.
Sleep didn't come for him however. He couldn't stop worrying about her enough to get his own rest.
It wasn't long before he felt her body twitch. She groaned a little, and then whimpered. Another nightmare had stricken her. He kissed the top of her head and whispered, "It's okay. I'm here, Buffy. It's only a nightmare." His arms tightened around her and she slowly woke up at the sound of his soothing voice. He'd brought her out of it before it had gone too far. Still, she was shaking. He could see the terror and despair in her eyes. Slowly he stood up and cradled her against his chest. He carried her into her bedroom and lowered her onto the bed. He tucked her in and turned to go when he heard her voice. "Stay? Please…just…hold me?"
There was no way he could refuse. Nodding, he laid down behind her and pressed his chest against her back, his arms drawing her close. His legs were tucked up behind her knees and he once again kissed the top of her head. "Sleep, Buffy. I've got you, love."
Buffy slept, and for once, she didn't dream.
He held her all night, listening to her breathe. She had no idea how frightened he was. It tore him up inside and chilled him to his very core. There was nothing worse in the world then feeling so helpless and watching someone you love hurt so much. It was as if she was standing on that tower again, ready to jump, and all he could do was watch her fall.