TITLE: Bad Judgement 8/10
AUTHOR: Lily2332
FEEDBACK: Yes!
DISCLAIMER: They’re not mine, don’t sue.

NOTE:
Now, a small amount of you write feedback. We write you back, thanking you or apologizing, and that's the end of it. But sometimes, it's not. Sometimes we start talking to you. Sometimes we do crazy things with you. This is the result of one such incident. You see, Lily wanted to kill some people in a fic, only not in her fic. Arkin wanted to see how it feels to keep them alive. So - we switched fics. So, when reading "Remembrance of things to come," what you're reading is primarily Lily, with a few minor editing from Arkin. We hope you have fun, and request that feed back be sent to the both of us, on any story. We would like to thank AOL, Netscape inbox, outlook express and Microsoft word for all their support and hard work, and for not crashing an excessive amount of times.

Yours through support and flamings,

Lily and Arkin.

P.S. Sorry for giving away the endings.

PART EIGHT: EXPLANATIONS

For several long minutes neither one of them said anything. Finally Buffy looked at Giles, more than half convinced she will find the same stony expression that had been all she saw for two months. But his grip on her hand was strong, and his face was so full of pain...

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I just wanted you to come have some fun with us. I didn't think... please don't hate me Giles, don't shut me away anymore. Please. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Giles shuddered. He tried, for two months, to convince himself this was for the best. Listening to her that day, he knew it wasn't.

"I thought I was doing the right thing. We were too close for our own good. We hurt each other too easily. I don't hate you Buffy. Despite of what I said in the cabin, I could never hate you. I rather thought that day that you hated me."

"I didn't mean to hurt you with..."

"No, I know you didn't. You never mean, neither one of us does. But you were crying Buffy. You just lay there and let me have my way with you! How could you?' He got to his feet, angry now, raising his voice and staring her down. 'You got me on that candy, you turned me into... him, and you let me hurt you!"

"You didn't hurt me."    Her voice was low, scared. She'd never seen Giles this angry before this all business started. She didn't like it, especially since it was aimed at her.

 "I didn't mean what happened, but it didn't hurt me. I don't regret it." She raised her own voice now. 'I don't regret making love to you, I don't regret having your child in me. I just wish it didn't have to happen this way."

Giles turned away and stared out the window. Buffy was not in any kind of state to lie to him. He had no doubt that every word she said was true.

"I never thought you could hurt me this much. No matter what you did. Not when you ran away, even though I needed you than. Not when you lied about... him. But you made me do this... you changed me, out of your foolish, selfish need to go on vacation. And you hurt me Buffy, more than I thought possible."

"I know. I want more than anything for you to forgive me. At least talk to me. You don't even call me by name. Why did you even stay, you can hardly bear to look at me?"

"I stayed because no matter what you do, I can not abandon you here. I will not. And the reason I'm not talking to you is that we're too damn close, too dependant."

 He turned around too look at her. "This is a dangerous job we do Buffy, you know that as well as I do, and if anything shall happen to me, I need to know that you are capable of taking care of yourself. That you will not fall into some pit of despair."

Buffy thought she was to angry too cry, but she was never, not in two months, to anything too cry. "Fine. You treated me like I'm air, I made it. Can we please stop now? I just want you to be my friend again Giles. You don't have to make love to me again, you don't have to do anything. Just... can you please care when you ask me how I am?"

Fighting back his own tears he sat on the bed and pulled her into his embrace. He had wanted to do that for two months. He had to almost physically restrain himself so as not to go to her in the van on the ride back, her sobs hunting him all this time.

She was sobbing now too, holding him with every ounce of strength in her. He would have bruises later, but at the moment he didn't care.  "I'm sorry Buffy. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was trying to do the right thing."

She cried herself to sleep. Like she did every night since... only this time it was in his warm embrace, safe in the knowledge that he still cared about her.

**

Giles waited until he was sure Buffy was asleep, tucked her in and went back to the waiting room. Willow went inside to look at Buffy, and Xander looked at him with big eyes, searching for any sign of detachment. He found none, and gave Giles a relieved smile.

Giles returned the smile. Despite himself, he found that he had greatly missed them, Xander especially. He looked at Xander's ridiculous attire and grinned.

"Why don't I take you home Xander? You could maybe change into something a little less... Winnie the Pooh-ish."

Xander blushed a little. "Maybe it would have been a good idea to change before I came, huh?"

"Indeed."

Giles had always known Xander was an emotional boy, but he did not expect the bear hug he received, although he was more than happy with it.  "I really missed you G man."

"As I. And don't ever call me that."

They were about to leave when Joyce stormed into the waiting room. "I just heard the strangest thing Mr. Giles. The doctor told me that if all goes well my daughter will be a mother in seven months. And he said she said the father was some guy named Giles. Please tell me she was delusional."

Giles looked at Xander who nodded and went to join Willow in Buffy's room. Joyce understood that look all too well.

Not to keen on checking if slayer powers were hereditary, Giles started talking as fast as he could, relaying the all tall to the very angry woman in front of him.

**

Buffy only slept for a few minutes. "Giles?"

"He's in the waiting room talking to you mother."

"Or possibly in the emergency room, depending on what exactly the doctors told you mother."

"Xander..."

"Sorry."

"That's okay, we've been training so hard, he can take care of himself. At least he's talking."

"Yeah, he even offered to give me a ride home so that I could change."

Buffy looked Xander up and down. "Next time take him up on that offer. God it feels good to know he's talking to me again. I don't care what he says. I just want to hear his voice again. His real voice, not that 'How are you Slayer' voice he has."

"Yeah, he sounded like he did when you left."

"When I left? Left where?"

Willow squirmed a little.  "You know, when you ran away."

Buffy sat up  "He sounded like that when I ran away?"

Xander and Willow extanged looks. "Well, he was trying not to let us know how angry and hurt he was."

"It couldn't have been that bad."

They looked at her as if she just told them the moon was made of cheese.   "Couldn't have been that bad? Buffy, he told Angel how to wake the Acathla. Can you imagine what they most have put him through for him to tell? They broke him Buffy, not just physically, emotionally. And he needed you so much, he needed someone to take care of HIM for once, and he wouldn't let us do it. The one time he wanted you to give him something and, and you didn't even have the decency to see if he was alright! And did you even apologize to him when you came back? God Buffy, how could you leave him alone with all the pain and the nightmares and the guilt and the worry and... ho Buffy please don't cry!

**

"Why would she do that?"

"I guess that trip was more important than I realized.'"

"Is that why you won't talk to her?"

"You know about that?"

"Mr. Giles, she's been walking around like a zombie ever since you came back. She doesn't laugh, she doesn't smile, she's constantly crying. You are the most important thing in the world too her, she constantly seeks your approval and affection and you denied her that, denied her your self, in the most crushing why possible. Why couldn't you just accept her apology?"

"This wasn't about the candy, or the... anything else that happened that week. It was about how easily she could hurt me, how quickly my anger brought her to tears. It's a bad idea, Joyce, for us to be so close. I need to be here no matter what she does, what she says. And as long as we can hurt each other so badly, I can not make her that promise."

"She doesn't want that promise. She can live with you gone. She can't live with you here, and so far away at the same time. No matter what you may think, by treating her like that you are abandoning her in the most traumatic and painful way possible. Either stay with her in every sense of the word, or leave her completely. And if you're half the man she makes of you, you won't leave her."

She got up to talk to the doctor again. Giles sat there, staring at his hands.

She was right. It seemed to be the only fair thing for Buffy. Love her completely and show it to her, or stay the hell out of her life. She'd have enough problems with the baby.

It hit him now full force. She was pregnant with his child. And, she seemed quite pleased with it.

But will she remain pleased when she gets Giles back? She wanted the baby because she couldn't have the father, but she was bearly nineteen, she wasn't ready for a child, and a pregnant slayer was a target far too easy for most of her enemies. If the baby was to her nothing more than a replacement, will she keep the baby when she has the real thing?

His line of thought was interrupted by Xander's soft call. "Yes Xander, are you ready to go?"

"I think you should talk to Buffy. Willow kind of said some things about what it was like for you when she ran... and she didn't take it very well."

Giles felt the anger swell up in him, but didn't say anything. He entered Buffy's room and glared at Willow as he made his way to the sobbing heap on the bed.

Xander pulled Willow out of the room. Knowing full well that Giles would not accept an apology at the moment, he saw no more reason to intrude.   

Buffy could hardly breath through her sobs. She felt hands on her shoulders and knew they were Giles', but she couldn't face him, couldn't let him be there for her again after what she did. He mentioned that summer twice, in the cabin and in this very room only a few minutes before, but she never really thought about it. Never thought about what it was like for him. She came back and he accepted her back without a word, while all the others had all those issues... she just didn't think about him.

"Buffy, whatever Willow told you, it's all right. Don't feel guilty about it, please.' An odd miserable sound was all he got from her. 'Buffy, please, we have more important things too worry about. That was over a year ago, it's history, I don't care about it and neither should you. If you feel really bad than think about the test and consider us even."

Buffy turned around to look at him. He kind of had a point. As far as betrayals go, his was pretty major. "You hurt me, I hurt you, time for a new cycle. Please don't think about that summer anymore, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good."  He wiped some of her tears away.

Buffy looked at his face, thinking for a moment she would rather have his stony, unfeeling expression rather than face the fact that she was the cause of the sadness in his eyes. But he was talking to her, which gave her to opportunity to do what she had wanted to do for two months, and had started on that day in the hospital. Beg his forgiveness. She took a deep breath.

"I wanted to have some fun, I wanted you to come with us. You wouldn't. Than I was going through my closet and I saw the chocolate and got this really bad idea. And I got you on the candy and you went with us, only we forgot the rest of the chocolate at home. And you, I don't know what you did that night. As for me, I was making love. And I know you saw tears but they weren't tears of pain. And than the candy wore of and you were so angry, and than you got all Borg like and you didn't care about anything in my personnel life, and I know I deserve something not nice for what I did but I really think you over did it. And I didn't mean to hurt you, and I didn't mean to betray you. I just wanted you to have some fun for a change."

Giles wanted to forgive her but ended up snorting.   "Fun? Buffy you knew damn well what I was capable of when I was on the candy. You saw it first hand. I know you meant well, that you were trying to get me to relax a little, but you should have had more common sense. And quite frankly I'm disappointed in you. All of you." 

"Willow didn't know. It wasn't her fault. Only Xander and me."

"It doesn't matter Buffy, it doesn't change what you, personally, did. You used my trust in you, my assumption that you were trying to take care of me a little, to get me drugged. But like I said, this isn't what it was all about. I told you when you started collage, you need to learn to take care of yourself. I need to learn that. We're too used to having someone to back us up. Emotionally as well as physically. That incident was the proof of that Buffy. If we are to work together, we can not have anything getting in the way. Emotions and urges, we have to ignore them. And we have to be able to go on without the other. If one leans on something long enough, one loses the ability to stand on his own. I honestly thought it in your best interest for me to stay away from your personnel life, to get you to lean more on yourself. I can see now that I was wrong, if I had started it when I first came here, it might have worked. But not now. It's too late. We will have to continue as we always have, and pray we can learn to live without each other should anything happen. I'm sorry I hurt you Buffy. I won't ever again, I promise."

Buffy leaned over to kiss him, not on the lips, but on the cheek. Than she wrapped her arms around his knack. His heart fluttered a little as he was momentarily over come by emotions. He held her tightly to him, reveling in her forgiveness.

She pulled away a little to look into his eyes. "We have a baby to talk about."

**

Buffy lay contentedly in her hospital bed, thinking about Giles and the baby. He had assured her that he would support her every decision, but in his eyes she saw how much he wanted her to keep the baby.

There was, of course, the danger of being a pregnant slayer on a hell mouth. They would have to deal with that. The night's events had served to prove that even patrol was not a very good idea at her state. 'If you wish too keep the baby, that is.' Buffy had to smile at his attempts not to put pressure on her.

She will keep the baby. Half of him was Giles. She had the baby, she had Giles, and her mother was not about to be arrested for first degree murder. Things were starting to look up. 

She snuggled in the blankets and soon fall asleep, the memory of Giles' gentle kiss good night accompanying her to dream land.

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