Title: Gratitude 1/2
Author: Luisa
Email: leyjd@hotmail.com
Pairing: B/G, W/T, X/A
Rating: R (to be on the safe side)
Distribution: Anyone who wants it, please ask.
Summary: After a close encounter, Buffy makes the mistake of showing Giles her gratitude - How will he react?
Spoilers: Through Season 5. This is set in my own little AU, where Buffy never left UC Sunnydale, Dawn doesn’t exist and all the stuff with Glory never happened.
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy yada, yada. I promise I’ll return them the way I found them. No infringement intended.
Feedback: Yes please!
Thanks: So much to Rari for the superb betaing. Much appreciated!

It was past 10pm, and Buffy Summers knocked hesitantly on Rupert Giles’ door. Even after all this time, she still wasn’t sure where she stood with him. Although it was great to be working side-by-side again... something seemed amiss. Actually, even when she asked him to be her Watcher again he had seemed strange. It was as if he was keeping something from her.

*What’s the big, Buff? After all, you’ve got your secrets too.*

She rapidly squelched that train of thought. It would do no good to moon over him while on patrol - that would likely get them killed.

*I wonder if he’s gone to bed - usually he’d have his porch light turned on by now.*

She was just about to fish for her key when she was bathed in light and the door opened.

“Ah, Buffy,” Giles smiled that gentle smile and extended an arm, “Do come in.”

“What took you so long?” Buffy teased as she brushed past him. She missed the odd look he gave her as he brusquely answered, “Do I need your permission to use the bathroom?”

At least she had the grace to blush. “Sorry.” She changed the subject quickly, “So, Watcher-mine, you ready for patrol?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He replied with a smile, quickly masking his face to hide his earlier reaction while he picked up his sword and weapons bag. As he bent over to retrieve his bag, Buffy found herself admiring the cute curve of his butt.

“Giles?” She began, and caught herself suddenly as she realized she was about to spill her feelings.

“Yes?” He turned to her ushering her out the door. She was silent for a long moment, seeking something to cover up her mistake.

“What is it, Buffy?”

“Nothing, Giles. I was just thinking how nice it is working with you again.” *Phew. Covered up that one well.*

He gave her another odd, unreadable look. “Y... Yes... it is...isn’t it?”

They patrolled together for a good hour, talking amiably. After a short while, Buffy sensed his tiredness and suggested that he head home.

“Go on Giles. You look like you haven’t slept in weeks; you deserve a break. I promise I’ll stop by after I finish patrol.”

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind...” his voice trailed off, and he tried hard not to look hopeful.

“Yes. I’m sure. Now go.” she insisted; only just catching a glimpse of a fleeting emotion cross his face. She couldn’t believe it - he had actually looked relieved. She managed a tight smile “Go, before I change my mind”.

Why hadn’t he put up a fight? She wondered. She didn’t even hear his quiet “be careful” as she watched his retreating figure, wondering for the millionth time why all the guys in her life were so willing to leave her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He hated being glad of her agreement to their separation - it wasn’t normal. Usually, even when she was busy in college he felt her absence sorely, although he could never put a finger on why he missed her so much. He supposed it was just because they were together so often, and were so much a part of each other’s lives.

As he left the cemetery, he started walking in the opposite direction to home. He knew he was a fool to go alone, but he knew that someone needed to patrol the seedier parts of Sunnydale, knew that Buffy would never choose to walk those parts again. They held too many memories for her: the alleys where Riley allowed vampires to feed off him, the street going past the mansion, the caves where Adam killed Forrest, the old factory.

His heart ached for her, and he wished yet again that he could take all her pain, despite knowing that he never could. Reaching destination number one, he pulled his sword out of its sheath, preparing for battle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy continued to patrol alone, twirling her stake absentmindedly through her fingers.

*What is up with Giles? First he acts all mysterious when I ask him to be my Watcher, now he can’t wait to get away from me. Why do I have that effect on people? The whole reason I haven’t told him...*

A newly risen Vampire rudely interrupted her train of thought, lunging straight toward her. She spun around and landed a kick in the groin.

“God, that’s so typical. The men I want all leave, and here you guys are, supposed to be afraid of me, yet unable to keep away from me.”

With a spin and a punch, she drove a stake through his heart, and then whirled around, catching the vamp that had snuck up behind her by surprise, and spearing him as well. As he exploded into dust, an unmistakeable voice cut through the air.

“Well, well. If it isn’t the Slayer. And fancy that, she’s all alone... again. Never mind love, you’ve always got me.”

She tried to ignore the sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach at the realization that she really was all alone.

“Spike, didn’t you get it when I uninvited you? I’m not interested in you, and don’t wait around, ‘cause it’ll never happen.”

Spike just smirked with his usual air of arrogance, as he strode out of the shadows.

“What’s wrong, Slayer? Has good ole Rupes left you too? Wouldn’t surprise me - you always did use to use him like a public library.”

*That’s right, you never considered his feelings once, did you?* her conscience taunted. She tried to ignore the voice, but it persisted, *You believe you love him, but think about all those times you dumped him so quickly to go to the Bronze, or be with Riley. You never thought about or cared if you might be hurting him. And you know how angry he was when he found out about Angel being back.*

She kicked a nearby headstone angrily as she tried again to disregard her conscience. Instead, she was faced with more of Spike’s jibes.

“I bet he’s looking forward to getting his own life back - you know, the one you stole from him. Probably off to pack, right now.”

She couldn’t help but picture the hopeful look on his handsome face as she gave him ‘her permission’ to go home. Waves of depression washed over her, and she dropped silently to the ground.

Spike was thoroughly enjoying himself and as he watched Buffy become even more dejected, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of triumph that his chip couldn’t stop him from breaking people emotionally - even if he did ‘love’ Buffy.

*Hey, I am evil after all.*

He took another step towards her, gearing up for another round of insults when she turned toward him, snatching Mr Pointy from her jacket sleeve.

“One more step, Spike, and you’ll end up in hell.”

He shrugged at her, “Been there, done that.”

“Okay then...” she paused, trying to remember his weaknesses, “One more step, one more squeak out of you, and you’ll never see Manchester United again.”

The vampire seemed to think it over for a minute, before making his decision. With a parting shot of “We’ll meet again, Slayer!”, he fled into the darkness once more.

She just sat there muttering about how pathetic he was to herself.

“God, Spike, of course we’ll see each other again. Probably tomorrow, in fact. Just as soon as you need more money from Giles.”

*Giles…*

Her thoughts turned to him once more. She hated to admit it, but Spike was probably right. She had treated him like dirt *for his own good* she reasoned, and now he was probably leaving because of it. *Why was he so keen to leave me? Why did he look so relieved?* Try as she might, she couldn’t even begin to fathom it.

Silent tears trickled down her cheeks, and as she wallowed in her self-pity she didn’t notice the three shadows creeping up around her. By the time they attacked her, she couldn’t even be bothered to fight back. Life without Giles was no life at all. She was dimly aware of one vampire snatching Mr Pointy dangling limply from her hand as she realised that she may as well let these guys take her out.

The vamp that appeared to be in charge couldn't believe his luck. He’d had his minions pin her down, but the Slayer wasn't even struggling. He let out a roar of triumph, as he pointed her stake at her heart. This would be his first Slayer - hopefully the first of many.

She closed her eyes, knowing that this was the end. *I love you, Giles.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bedraggled Rupert Giles walked through the quiet streets of Sunnydale, heading home at last.

“I certainly could have done with Buffy’s help tonight” he mused to himself.

He looked at his watch. He ought to hurry back, Buffy should be arriving at his apartment in about half an hour, and if he gave any indication that he’d gone out alone he’d get the lecture of a lifetime. He broke into a jog.

Giles froze as he heard a loud and evil laugh ring throughout a nearby cemetery. Buffy should have covered this one after he left her. Had she missed something hiding there? The evil voice spoke, spurring him into action.

“You’re mine, Slayer!”

Giles ran through the cemetery as fast as his legs would carry him, stopping short at the sight of his precious Slayer pinned down. A brief thought flitted through his mind.

*Why isn’t she struggling? Get up, Buffy! Oh God, what if it’s too late.*

For a moment he couldn’t breathe, then he charged at one of the vamps pinning Buffy down. Caught off-guard, the leader of the vamps looked around for his attacker as the minion to his left suddenly exploded in a shower of dust.

Giles' sudden presence was enough to convince Buffy that she was being pathetic.

Inspired, she quickly took advantage of her oppressor’s lack of concentration, snatching Mr Pointy out of his hand with her free hand and plunging it into his chest before he even registered that he no longer held it. Fearful, the second minion let go of the Slayer and fled, too busy panicking to look where he was going, and hence missing Giles’ sword slice through the air... and the vamp’s neck.

“I believe that’s all of them” Giles commented casually as he wiped the dust from his sword, unaware that he sounded calmer than he felt.

Buffy looked up from her position on the ground over to where he was standing, overwhelmed by the love and gratitude flooding through her as she realised how stupid she’d been to let Spike get to her, making her jump to conclusions because of her loneliness. Without a second thought, she flipped to her feet and crossed the clearing in a heartbeat, throwing herself into his arms.

He was shocked at the sudden intimacy - they normally weren’t the type to hug each other, even on special occasion - that for a moment he could only stand rooted to the spot, enveloped in her bear hug. He quickly found himself enjoying her affection however, and his arms wound themselves around her waist of their own accord.

She sighed into his neck, enjoying his embrace, hugging him slightly tighter.

“Thank you” she whispered, before raising her head to place a tender kiss on the soft skin of his cheek.

He stiffened at the contact, *she must have been really anxious to be this grateful* he wondered to himself before stuttering out a reply. “Y... you’re m... m... most w... wel ... c... come”

She smiled against his cheek. It was typical of her watcher to get into an awkward moment and stutter his way right out of it. She frowned slightly at that thought. This wasn’t awkward for her. This was exactly where she wanted to be: in his arms. Why should it be awkward for him? After all, they had worked side by side for over four years. Shouldn’t it be natural to be close like this? She sighed again, this time in frustration, even while continuing to enjoy the feeling of his arms still around her.

Little did she know that he was berating himself for the very same reason.

He wanted not to feel awkward in this position, but it was incredibly difficult. It just didn’t make sense that she would suddenly want to get touchy-feely with him after distancing herself so often, although her warmth was certainly…welcoming. He felt his body begin to respond in typical male fashion, and found himself horrified by the direction in which his thoughts were headed.

*Good lord, old man what are you thinking? This is Buffy... this is... wrong... and inappropriate. She’s just a child.*

His body refused to listen to reason, and he drew back in an attempt to put some space between them. He found himself looking into intense dark grey eyes for only seconds, before watching her gaze move to focus elsewhere. He gave a start as he realised she was looking hungrily at his lips.

*What _is_ going on?* he wondered to himself. He was so busy processing her strange behaviour that he didn’t notice his own. Before he could stop himself, his lips were descending rapidly toward her as hers rose to meet his. They were stopped from meeting at the last minute however, by a crash and a thump accompanied by a yowl of pain and several raised voices.

Shocked and appalled at his conduct, Giles took the opportunity to push Buffy away from him abruptly, instead turning his attentions in the direction of the sound.

“Who’s there?” he called into the darkness, pulling his sweater over the bulge in his jeans at the same time.

Averting her wide-eyed gaze from what his hands were doing, and trying to hide the hurt in her voice she swallowed the lump in her throat and joined him in calling out, “Xander? Will? ‘That you?”

She heard Willow’s voice float back to her, “What gave it away? Are Xander’s yelps of pain are that distinguishable?” she chuckled, and Buffy joined in, although sadly.

Anya interrupted in a panicked voice before Willow could say anything else. “Buffy. You’d better come here, I think Xander’s broken something”.

Gathering her weapons, Buffy started to reach for Giles’ hand but then thought better of it and began striding towards her friends. Giles followed at a distance, lost in his thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Neither Buffy nor Giles could sleep for the rest of the night. Buffy lay wide awake, staring at her ceiling holding Mr Gordo thinking of all the could’ves, should’ves and would’ves of tonight. Maybe she should’ve let that vamp have her, after all it appeared that Giles didn’t want her despite his obvious erection earlier. She hugged Mr Gordo to her and sighed. After her experience with Parker, she had gotten used to that fact that a male reaction wasn’t a declaration of love.

*Typical men*.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giles, on the other hand was lying awake for an entirely different reason. All he could see whenever he closed his eyes were one of two things: Buffy restrained by those vampires, looking like she’d given up the fight for life and then the joy on her face at seeing him there, rescuing her. The fact that she would probably be dead right now if he’d gone straight home like she’d requested... no, demanded was a constant reminder of how close he came to losing her.

*No, not going to go there...* he thought to himself blinking back unshed tears.

Instead he focused on that picture of her so happy at his rescue. She’d looked as if the very reason for her existence had made itself known, reminding her why she couldn’t let the vamps take her. And the look he saw in her eyes… he thought about that for long moments, trying to find a word to describe the emotion he saw there, but try as he might, he just couldn’t work it out.

He blinked twice at that in astonishment as he rarely ran out of words, but then this was Buffy - she was after all, the exception to the rule... correction, when she had come along, the rule book had gotten thrown out of the window. He smiled a little at that thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy was getting past the self-pity and onto the angrier emotions. She was angry both with Giles and with herself. How stupid could she have been to let her guard slip, after keeping her feelings so well hidden behind it for so long?

*Stupid, _stupid_ Buffy* and she was angry with him as well. Okay, sure she had tried to take advantage of the moment, but he hadn’t resisted – not at first anyway. In fact, he had almost kissed her in said moment. She felt used - like he’d played with her emotions, allowed her to have what she wanted within her grasp and then stolen it away.

“Way to go, Buff”, she spoke to an empty room, “Blame Giles when it’s so all your own fault”.

She scowled. He would probably never want to look at her again, let alone touch her again. Well, as far as she was concerned, that left only one thing to do. A lone tear trickled down her cheek as she made her decision.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giles’ thoughts swam round his head, eventually coming to rest on the image of her looking hungrily at him. At the thought, heat travelled through his body.

*Oh dear Lord, what is going on?* he wondered, casting about in his mind for something else to focus on - and failing. So he settled on thinking about both of their actions: her obvious hunger and his… arousal.

*I can’t believe I nearly kissed her. What is happening to me?*

It was strange how he’d felt the most peculiar sensation of being drawn to Buffy earlier that evening. It wasn’t a new thing, but he’d never felt any reason to worry before, he simply thought they’d reached a new milestone in their Watcher-Slayer relationship.

*I nearly kissed Buffy, I nearly kissed Buffy* it was beginning to become an insistent chant in his head.

He closed his eyes, and rolled onto his side, willing the thought to go away, instead envisioning her lust-filled face once more. As he felt a definite stirring in his pyjama pants, he realised that something was definitely not planning on going to sleep tonight. He sighed, and as he got up and headed toward the bathroom, a sudden thought struck him.

*It’s got to be a spell... I’d put my money on this being Ethan’s doing. We’ll research first thing in the morning.*

First, he needed a cold shower and some sleep.

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