Title: Gratitude 2/3
Author: Luisa
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy yada, yada. I promise I’ll return them the way I found them. No infringement intended.
Feedback: Yes please!

At the Magic Box that morning the gang was unusually quiet, the only noise that of Anya ringing up her sales.

Buffy and Giles were dutifully avoiding eye contact, and Xander hadn’t cracked a single joke, due to the pain of spraining his wrist when he tripped over a tree root the previous night. Even Willow and Tara were talking in hushed voices sensing the discomfort within the group. As the last customer in the shop left, Anya took the opportunity to sit down.

As she approached the table, she decided in her typical tactless fashion to ease the tension in the room.

“Oh come on, what’s so bad? Is the world ending again? Xander, I know you’re in pain so you’re excused from this lecture, but what’s the big deal with everyone this morning? Willow, Tara? Why are you whispering? And Giles and Buffy, I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s affecting sales - so sort it out.”

To Xander, she added, “By the way Xander, I promise we’ll have lots of orgasms later to make your pain go away.”

“Thank you Anya, for that wonderful insight to first-aid.” Came Giles’ derisive voice. Xander winced.

“Giles, was that necessary?” Buffy spoke up quietly for the first time all morning.

“Oh, she hasn’t lost her voice then. Well, that’s one theory down the drain.”

“Shut up Anya. For your information, I’ve been trying to work out how to tell you all that from now on the Slayer works alone. Giles is no longer my Watcher.”

Buffy didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence as the Scoobies all started talking at once, the silence rapidly dissipating.

“But you can’t do that! We’re meant to work as a team!” Willow cried out in protest.

“Yeah, you can’t just ditch us! We’re your friends!”

Xander hurried to back Willow up, glad to have something other than the pain in his wrist absorbing his thoughts.

“Buffy, don’t be so stubborn and stupid” Anya added.

Buffy was just about to retort, when Giles’ hand appeared at her elbow, grabbing her roughly before propelling her into the training room.

The rest of the Scoobies followed, even when Giles purposefully slammed the door in their faces, and pressed their ears close to the door.

“Giles, what are you doing?” Buffy demanded, as soon as he released her, practically throwing her into the room.

He ignored her question, starting to pace his familiar pattern of three steps in each direction. The action bought a lump to her throat as she realised just how much she would miss even this.

“Were you even planning on discussing this with me?” He snarled, a bit of Ripper surfacing.

She blinked back tears. “Giles, this was never up for discussion. You know that this is the end.”

He whirled on her, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her to the wall.

“Tell me why. Why is this the end? After all I’ve done for you, all I’ve given up for you.”

“Giles, you know I can break free of this” Buffy sighed in exasperation.

At her tone, Ripper fully emerged, Giles’ usually gentle voice turning harsh and bitter. “Then why don’t you? Huh? Why don’t you run away, just like you always do?”

“Giles…”

“Don’t ‘Giles’ me. You think you can just pick me up and put me down whenever you want?”

“Giles, it’s not like that. Giles, you have to believe me. I... I...”

“Tell me how it is, then, Buffy.” Giles tried to calm down, tried to push Ripper away and lock him back inside, lessening his grip on Buffy’s shoulders as he instead imprisoned Ripper, stepping back a little.

Even with this freedom, Buffy couldn’t run, couldn’t push him away. He was still the man she loved. She simply slid down the wall, tears falling freely down her cheeks. Giles sank to the floor with her.

“Giles, about what happened last night... ”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yes, you’re under a spell.” She snorted in both disbelief and hurt at his unintended insult to her feelings. He continued, ignorant of her reaction.

“I think it may be Ethan. I’ve wanted to research all morning, but I thought maybe it would wear off. I see it hasn’t. It’s almost seemed to... to strengthen. It appears his primary purpose would be to split up the group and it looks like it’s working.”

Giles fully released his hold on her as he talked, and Buffy smiled a sad smile.

“Giles, I don’t think so...”

“But Buffy, if it’s not a spell, then what’s happening?”

Another sad smile appeared. “I can’t tell you that, Giles.” She ignored the bewildered look he gave her and began to get up, smoothing out her skirt, deciding to put off her decision until she’d thought about it some more.

“I’m sorry for what I said just now. It was stupid. You’re the best Watcher there is - why would I want to give you up? And the gang? They’re so supportive - even Anya. I was just...” Her voice trailed off as she looked for an excuse, “I was just testing you all. Wanted to make sure we were still a lean mean fighting machine and all that.”

She extended a hand to help him up, which he accepted. Fire shot through her at his touch, and she looked away, trying to keep her feelings under control.

“By the way, you all passed.” She commented, as she opened the door and the gang fell in.

After some disgruntled mutterings, the group soon made up, but Giles was still wary with Buffy. The last 24 hours had been very odd indeed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the day passed, Buffy retreated more and more into herself, only speaking when spoken to, even then seeming distracted. She was lost in her thoughts.

*How could I have been so insensitive? Giles must hate me for what I said. For making him look like such an idiot. I never meant to make things worse.*

She threw even more vigour into her training than ever before that afternoon, and Giles was growing worried about her. Finally, after she nearly destroyed the punch bag, he spoke up.

“Buffy, are you alright? You don’t seem very... happy.”

Kick, punch. “I’m fine Giles.” *I’m fine because you’re not touching me at the moment*

“If you’re sure...”

“I’m sure, Giles.” *I’m sure that I can’t ever do this again, I can’t keep getting mushy and distracted by you in my line of duty*

“If you ever need to talk, Buffy...”

“I know, Giles” *I know that I went about it the wrong way this morning*

“Okay then.”

“Whatever. Are we done?”

Suddenly feeling awkward and unsure from where it came, Giles looked down, taking his glasses off to polish.

“Yes, I suppose so. Are we patrolling together again tonight? Or... or... do you want to go alone?” Damn! He hated sounding so unsure of himself.

The silence stretched out as Buffy thought about it, and Giles wondered if he should have waited for her to invite him, instead of volunteering.

Finally she answered him, “Yes, okay. Same time, same place?” *One last time*

“Oh well, actually I thought that maybe we could go out earlier tonight. After all we were at the hospital quite late with Xander last night, I thought it might be a good idea to catch up on the lost sleep.”

“Great idea Giles. As usual, you are the brains of the team. So, what? Eight o’clock good for you?” *No demon activity that early on in the evening. Too light. That way he won’t be so much of a distraction that we get killed*

He looked momentarily startled at her suggestion then agreed. “Okay. We’ll meet at 8pm at my apartment.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a little after eight, when Buffy showed, and as Giles let her in he gathered up his weapons with a slight smile. Punctuality had never been one of Buffy’s strong points. The thought that had been foremost in his mind since their conversation nagged at him again as he passed by his bookshelves.

“Um... Buffy? Don’t you think it’s a little light for patrolling? Surely no vampire or demon will be out this early. Do you want to wait a while before we head out?”

Buffy thought quickly, “It never hurts to be on the cautious side, Giles. Besides, we can stay out as late as you want, and double-check the cemeteries on the way back. Hey if you want, you can bring a book. We can research what we hunt. It’ll be just like old times.” *Talk about a fitting end.*

He smiled widely at her suggestion as he chose a book, “Yes it will, won’t it?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They patrolled a complete circuit of Sunnydale and only had to kill one pathetic demon, before they came to a rest in the first cemetery they had searched. They settled down by a tombstone, and Giles opened up his book searching for the demon they had encountered in the pale light of the setting sun.

Suddenly Buffy realised that the sun was setting. Her heart began to race, adrenaline like she’d never experienced pumping through her. She hadn’t enjoyed a sunset in forever. For her, day usually turned straight into night in the blink of an eye.

“Oh, Giles!” Buffy squealed, waving her arms like an excited eight year old, “Just look at that sunset! Isn’t it amazing?”

Giles looked up from his book distractedly. “Yes, Buffy.”

“No, Giles, you’re not looking.” She grabbed his hand, pulling him up. “Look properly” she instructed.

“See all those reds and purples? I guess we’re so used to the darkness that we never really enjoy this part of the evening. Look, look.” She tugged at him again. “Oh wow” she suddenly breathed, “Just look at that: those clouds look like an eagle in flight. I’ve never seen that before.”

Finally Giles looked toward the horizon, intrigued.

“Where? Buffy, you’ve got an overactive imagination. I don’t see anything.”

Buffy pulled Giles flush against her, her skin breaking out in hundreds of goosebumps at the contact. She reprimanded him in an attempt to ignore the wonderful sensations: “No Giles, more like you’ve got no imagination. Look again. This time, look here...” her voice trailed off as she leaned closer to him, inches away from his ear as she pointed out the amazing cloud formation.

He could feel her soft breath on his skin, making it tingle.

“Gosh, that’s unbelievable” he remarked, his voice little more than a hoarse whisper as a result of her nearness.

“Mmmm” she hummed, partly in agreement, partly from light-headedness from the scent of his cologne as she moved closer still.

Gently she pressed her lips against the soft skin of his neck, unable to stop herself. The contact sent tiny tremors shooting through her.

Giles stiffened in shock, not knowing how to react, unable to prevent her gentle assault on his neck.

She kissed him again, lower, closer to his collar bone - wanting more of his delicious taste, moaning in appreciation as the tremors turned into electric shocks.

“Buffy” he whispered unaware of the effect of his use of her name. She felt her insides go gooey at the sound of his voice and she brushed her lips up his throat in response.

“Giles...” she paused her kisses at his chin, and he bowed his head to look at her as she lifted hers to his. As their faces moved, their lips accidentally met in a chaste kiss. All of a sudden Giles felt a powerful shock reverberate around his body, and he grasped his slayer with both hands, for which Buffy was grateful as the chance kiss transformed the tiny shocks into huge currents of passion, her knees weakening.

Both pulled back from the embrace to look into the other’s eyes.

“Giles... “ Buffy repeated in a moan, caught in a haze of desire. Her gaze moved to lock focus on his lips, and she hungrily captured them in another sweet kiss, not even noticing the lack of response from Giles. She continued feasting on his lips for several long moments, only one thought looping in her mind: *God, I could stay here forever* she whimpered into his mouth as he gently pushed her away.

“Buffy.”

She opened her eyes to look at him, finding him looking at her with an expression of disgust.

“I’m so sorry, Buffy.” He pushed her far away from him and fled.

In the shadows of the sunset, Buffy sank to her knees and wept.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rupert Giles tossed and turned in his bed for the second time in as many days. What the hell had happened tonight? The pull toward her had been stronger than ever, and only by his strength of self-will had he managed to resist her kisses. Oh, but Dear Lord, they had been so sweet, and he had not wanted to resist. It had been a serious struggle. He was disgusted with himself. Something was going on, spell or otherwise, and he had encouraged it.

*Buffy, I’m so, so sorry. I should never have taken advantage of you.* His brain tried to reason that it had been she who had taken advantage, but Rupert Giles, ever the martyr accepted the responsibility as his.

He tried to ignore the memories of her passionate kisses, tried to forget the taste she had left on his lips, which he’d guiltily pleasured in licking off, savouring. He also tried to ignore his body’s now predictable reaction to the memory. He’d already had to sort out his problem five times tonight and was becoming increasingly frustrated. Angry, he rose to get a glass of water and something to take his mind off the situation at hand.

As he descended the stairs he saw something on the floor by the door. Curious, he hurried to the foot of the stairs and flicked his light on. He squinted in the harsh light, and looked at his watch. 3am.

*Why am I letting this get to me so much that I’m losing sleep over it?*

Again his rain tried to reason with him, *You always lose sleep over Buffy*.

He hastily looked down to prevent that train of thought continuing its journey, and saw an envelope with his name on it. His heart seized - he would recognize her beautiful scrawl anywhere.

He rested the envelope on the coffee table and decided to forego the water, opting instead for a glass of whisky. He had a feeling he would need it. After putting the reading light on, he sat down, sipping the whisky and opened the envelope to find a letter inside.

**Dear Rupert,** [he read]

*Rupert? Since when does she call me by my first name? *

**I’m so sorry for putting you through all this again, but I just can’t do this anymore.**

*Do what?*

**It’s been so great training and patrolling with you again, and I’m gonna miss it, I’ll miss you. But I’m sure you’ll be okay. After all, this isn’t the first time the Slayer’s worked alone.**

*Maybe not, but we’re stronger together*

**I’ve just got so much I’m going through at the moment, there’s so much to sort out in my head and in my heart. I’m sorry that this has to come between us, but after the tonight, [here the tears had smudged the handwriting;] things are different now. I’m not sure we can continue to work together. I’m so sorry, Rupert, but think of it this way: you can have that life you’ve always wanted, the one where you don’t have to watch me [the word that followed was illegible, she had cried so much when she had written it, but he knew what it said:] die.**

*Oh, Buffy* His heart suddenly constricted with pain, his eyes misting over as he continued to read.

**Rupert. I never call you that do I? Maybe you’re wondering why I am now. It just seems inappropriate to call you Giles in such a personal letter. Rupert, I never told you how happy you made me when you agreed to be my Watcher again, I’d felt like a part of me had been missing for so long. God, just writing this makes me feel that emptiness again, but I refuse to burden you with that. I’m sorry for my carelessness and selfishness in the past and even now. I’m sorry for what Angel did to you.**

*Where is this coming from?*

**Like I said I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t train with you, or patrol with you - I don’t think it’s even possible for us to be around each other any more. So, if you guys want to research something new in the Magic Box, you’ll have to do it without me. There’ll be no need for me to come in anymore if we won’t be working together.
I’m sorry, Rupert, so sorry, and I don’t think I can stop being sorry. I know I’ve put you through hell so much since we met, but at least I can definitely promise you won’t have to suffer because of me any more. So you see, it really is easier for both of us this way.**

*Is it really?*

**I’ll miss you.
Yours,
Buffy**

Giles replaced the now empty glass and the letter on the coffee table, his ‘problem’ now forgotten, as he suddenly realised how very, very tired he was. Too tired even to cry over his loss.

NEXT