Title: Prisoner of War, 3 of 4 of a series
Author: Mel
Rating: FRC-ish
Spoilers: none
Summary: The cancer deals Giles a secondary but harsh blow
Notes: If anyone is wondering about the double blow
of cancer and stroke, lung cancer frequently first
invades either the brain and/or the liver before
moving on, so there was a kind of progression there. I
appreciate the comments I’ve been receiving, hang in
there, the next one won’t be so angsty by the end.
Giles was a prisoner. He wasn’t trapped in a cell of metal or stone though; but a prison of flesh, muscle and bone. A large part of his body was useless now, a result of another blow from the cancer. It had come suddenly one morning: the terror of finding himself unable to move or speak followed by darkness overcoming him. When he regained consciousness in the hospital several days later, he was told he’d suffered a massive stroke. The cancer had invaded his brain in the form of a tumor that had squeezed blood vessels to the breaking point.
But, despite the seeming suddenness of it all, the symptoms had actually been there before it had happened. Terrible headaches, unpredictable personality changes, blackout spells, ect. Buffy had made him a doctor’s appointment to check into it, but the stroke had come just before he was to go.
For a time, he’d been totally paralyzed, though over time he’d regained some use of his hands and arms. Below the chest, however, remained useless, and he was forced to rely on other people for even basic needs. It frustrated, humiliated and depressed him that every day, someone else had to bathe him, shave him and dress him. He had learned how to feed himself but it was difficult and messy, and most of his nourishment was now coming from a nasogastric tube, a tube which delivered food to his stomach through his nose. He needed constant oxygen supplementation as well. He couldn’t even sit up without being strapped into a wheelchair and even that was simply too much effort anymore. Worst of all, he was no longer even fully in control of his elimination functions and had to deal with the indignity of diapers and changes just like a baby.
The effects of the tumor in his brain continued also. At times, he didn’t know who he was or what was happening and became frightened and confused. Other times, he became angry and belligerent, which, during his lucid periods, he knew had to hurt Buffy intensely as her mother had experienced the same thing. He still suffered the blackouts and headaches, and now, from time to time there were occasional seizures. Naturally, his hardships meant he’d finally had to surrender Council leadership to someone else, much as it pained him.
Perhaps his biggest problem was that he was so weak from the stroke, the chemo treatments had to be stopped. There was no way he could receive the medication without the treatments killing him long before the cancer ever would. Spreading unchecked, the cancer would claim him in a few months time, the doctor had said, and yet, in a sense, that was now the better of the two options he had. He hated the thought of lingering this way, bedridden, hooked up to machines and for the most part, helpless. It was only the care and support of Buffy and his family and friends that willed him to keep up the fight and to not give up completely.
It had been suggested by the doctor that he be placed in a nursing home but both he and Buffy had adamantly refused. He insisted that he was going to spend whatever time he had left in the company of the people who cared about him most, and Buffy had shared that sentiment. Things were discussed with his family, but what little he still had would not have been able to care for him properly. His mother was dead, his father getting up in years himself. He had a brother but all things considered, it was ultimately decided he should stay in his current situation, with his daily visiting nurses and help from Buffy.
His family visited as often as possible, and Xander, Willow and Dawn made time in their busy lives to visit every time it looked as though the opportunity might present itself. He even had to admit, although he’d never say it to anyone else, that he enjoyed the occasional call or visit from Spike. Angel made the best of but he never had found it easy to be around the cursed vampire since what had happened to him and to Jenny.
As much as it hurt to think about it, Giles knew that his battle was nearing its end. He would keep up the battle but all too soon, he would have nothing left to fight with and the time would come for the battered, battle-weary soldier to surrender to the thing that was holding him prisoner, that he realized now, was, as bad as the thought was, an undefeatable opponent that would continue to weaken him and one day claim his life as its final price.