Title: Waiting 4/4
Author: Morrwen
Rating: PG – 13 (language)
Pairing: B/G
Distribution: Gabi (if she wants it). Anyone else…just ask. :)
Disclaimers: All for Joss and the network of the month club.
Spoilers: Season 5 through ‘Forever’
Feedback: Yes! Am willing to grovel for it. <G>
NOTE: I know nothing about medicine. So I hope the medical stuff at least sounds possible. Lol
Buffy looked through the glass wall separating her from Giles. She leaned her head to the glass and took a deep breath.
So many tubes and machines.
"Oh Giles…."
One more deep breath and she walked into the room.
His colour was still so ashen.
The gashes on his head and neck were covered with bandages. Most of the left side of his face was bruised badly and almost half his head was shaved from the surgery that had been performed.
She stood, frozen, watching him.
So afraid that if she said or did anything, she would somehow hurt him.
She was shaken out of her stupor by Nancy slipping in quietly next to her with a chair.
Buffy nodded her thanks as Nancy left.
She pulled the chair next to the bed and sank down slowly, never taking her eyes off the figure lying motionless on the bed.
The constant *beep - beep* of the machines rattling her already frayed nerves.
Tears sprang unbidden to her eyes as she looked at his scratched and bruised hands.
Seeing the damage done to those strong hands pained her more than anything else did.
"I’m sorry Giles." Her tearful voice barely above a whisper.
"Why were you out there? You should know better."
She gently reached out to touch his hand, needing to feel him. She gave an audible sigh of relief at feeling the warmth of his skin.
She ran her fingers along the back of his hand before grasping it gently.
She leaned over, resting her cheek over their clasped hands and looked up at his face, wishing she could see those eyes she so loved. Even if only to have them look at her in disappointment.
At least they would be open.
"Oh Giles…so much has happened…I…I can’t seem to…" she trailed off, not knowing what she wanted to say to the man she so loved.
Her thoughts whirled in her head as she clung to his hand as if it were her only lifeline.
*Please don’t take him from me. Please let him know I’m waiting for him. Wake up, Giles. You have to wake up.*
In that instant she knew. She knew without a doubt. She was why he had been out there.
And she knew he had seen. Oh shit, he had seen.
He was out there looking for her because he was worried.
Shame flamed in her cheeks as she realised what she and Angel must have looked like to him.
She hadn’t even bothered to let anyone know where she was or that she was safe.
She sat up, not letting go of his hand wishing he were awake so she could explain.
"No, it’s not what you think Giles. I promise you it’s not."
As she looked at him, she again was struck with a blinding realisation.
Giles loved her. He loved her more than anyone or anything else in his life because she *was* his life.
She couldn’t have explained how she knew, she just knew.
Giles loved her with everything he was.
A love she felt so utterly beneath.
She also began to realise the pain she had brought to his life through her thoughtless actions.
She did the only thing she could. She looked at his hand held in hers and quietly and honestly she began to tell him.
"I don’t know when it started, Giles. But it did. See, Angel…we were…well, we were saying goodbye. See, I found out that he wasn’t the one for me. I know, I know. And yes. But the word would be obsession or infatuation with what you know you can’t have."
She again leaned over, this time placing a soft kiss on his undamaged cheek before leaning and whispering in his ear, "Not love."
"I never knew just how much you loved me until now."
She leaned back in the chair; "I don’t get a lot of things sometimes."
She grinned ruefully at herself. "Oh what an understatement that is. You’ve always been there. I never had to think about what we were to each other. From the day I met you, I’ve never felt you weren’t a part of me. So I never had to think about what it would be like without you. It was so easy to take you for granted. So I did."
She took a ragged breath and placed his hand back on the bed and laced his fingers with hers.
Gently she began rubbing her thumb across the back of his hand.
"Then Mom got…sick. And all of a sudden, I got it. You can’t take things for granted. Especially people. ‘Cause people that weren’t ever gonna leave, sometimes did. Even though they don’t want to. Sometimes…they have to. And it made me think. Think what life would be like without…her, or…or without…you." This last said barely above a whisper.
She looked down.
"Then Mom was gone. That wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did. It hurt so much. It still does, but I have to be strong. I have to be strong for Dawn."
She looked at him earnestly. "Do you know where that strength comes from? It comes from you. You are my strength. In all things and in all ways."
Tears began to trail down her cheek as she faced him again.
"I love you Giles. I love you Rupert Giles."
"I love you…."
Her tears were flowing freely now; her voice frantic.
"See, you have to come back Giles. I get it now. I understand. Please, just give me one more chance. I won’t mess it up this time. I promise. I’m even willing to start calling you Rupert. Honest…Rupert. See? I can do it. It’ll just take getting used to. So why don’t you wake up and roll your eyes at me in mock disgust, and I’ll laugh and…and everything will be okay. Everything will be okay…."
Buffy completely lost herself in her grief.
So much so, that she failed to notice the gentle pressure on her hand.
She gently laid her head down next to where their hands lay, taking deep breaths, trying to calm her runaway emotions. She couldn’t do this. He wouldn’t want her to do this. She took several more breaths.
She was exhausted. She closed her tired eyes, wishing Giles could make everything right, the way he always did.
She placed his hand next to her cheek.
"Please, Giles, please."
Then she felt it.
A gentle touch on her cheek.
She quickly turned her tear-stained face to his and saw Giles’ drowsy, bleary, yet beautiful eyes looking back at her.
A grateful smile covered her face as she reached out to touch his face.
"Oh Gi…Rupert, I’ve been waiting for you."
END