Title: Da Cheese Man
Author: Mystery Author
Pairing: Giles/Cheese man
Rating: pg

Note: Since this author wishes to remain anonymous, I've used my own email addy as the feedback addy. I will fwd any feedback received to the actual author. J

(Giles Home - Present time)

As the watcher entered his home, he was greeted by an old friend. A smile played across his lips as he approached M.A. and sat down next to her on the couch.

"Evening luv"

"hey"

"Fancy meeting you here. There a problem?"

"yeah, dusty put out this challenge for you and the cheese man and well I wasn't gonna respond but Dee and Eli said i HAD to if they were, so I thought well, OK, I'll just come here and see if you could help me"

"Ah. What do you need help with?"

"Well, Dusty said I had to have you say certain things and -"

"Dusty?"

"Yeah"

"She the one with that weird LULT thing on her name but wont tell us what the bleeding hell it means"

"That her. Future ruler of hell, she is"

"Oh dear. I hope we don't need to slay her"

"nah, she's harmless, for now"

"prophaps we should keep an eye on her though?"

"Might be a good idea"

"Consider it done then"

"Good, now, I don't suppose you KNOW this cheese man?"

"Well, I did happen to come across the chap once before. I believe a year ago it was"

"Ah ha. OK, good. So...any feelings there?"

"I beg your pardon?!"

"What?Oh! Oh, no I meant, well ok I meant that but, well it was Duty's idea!"

"i think slaying her is becoming a much nicer idea the more i think of it"

"LOL, nah she cool. Evil, but cool. So, this cheese man. Have u seen him sense?"

"I have,um,B-But I don't believe that's anyone's business. What excastly is this for?"

"Here, here's her challenge, take a look"

As Giles looked over the challenge, he thought for sure Slaying Dusty was becoming a better and better idea.

Okay...I have a challenge for all you writers.
It's an unusual pairing challenge...you up for it? :)
(I'll be posting this in the Files section under Challenges as well)

I want a fic with the pairing of Giles/Cheese Man. That's right. You heard me. The Cheese Man.
You can still have him paired with your usual ship if you MUST, but he's gotta have a thing for or a fling with The Cheese Man. And it must include the following...

1.-Giles uttering the words - "Fear not my friends, for the Cheese Man cometh."

2.-A reference to Real California Cheese ("it's THE Cheese") or the California Happy Cows. And yes, they can even be vampire cows!
(link- http://www.realcaliforniacheese.com/ )

3.-Someone saying - "Behold...the power of cheese."

4.-One of the characters wearing the cheese (cuz "it does not wear me")and ONLY the cheese.

5.-An appearance by The Cheese Man's evil twin brother The Velveeta Man (Because Velveeta is not really cheese...it's the anti-cheese)

Would like to see, but isn't a must...

1.-Giles (and others if you want) singing "Sunshine Day," that irritating little didy by the Brady Bunch kids.

2.-The Cheese Man slapping one of the Scoobies upside the head and telling them to STOP WHINING!

3.-Mention of or usage of Easy Cheese(bonus points if it involves sex)
(link-this site at least has a picture of a can in case you're wondering what the HELL I'm talking about - http://www.employees.org/~patrick/cheese/ )

4.-Argument over which is better...Cheese Nips or Cheeze-its

Okay...that's all I can come up with ATM, so go forth my children and writith of the fic. ;)

Oh yeah...just ONE more thing. This challenge is a MUST DO for Dee. Who has CLAIMED that she is getting back into writting fic but has yet to deliver. So come on Dee...show us what ya got! ;P And in case she's thinking she doesn't REALLY have to do it...I'll do no updates at BGZ and VSS until she does. >:)
LULT
DUSTY
future ruler of Hell
http://destiny-awaits.net/odd/

"Dear Lord, are you quiet certain she means this?"

"Oh yeah, Eli all ready did one, cracked me up. It was good. And Dee is doing one too"

"Hmm..."

"So ... wanna give up the info here, I need to hurry this along"

"you realize you owe me?"

"Oh yeah, trust me, I know"

"All right. Well, there was one time..."

As Giles began his story Buffy entered the home. She hadn't bother to knock as usual so they didn't know she was there. She listen to the story her watcher was telling about his 'incident' with the cheese man.

(A year ago - Giles home)

After returning home, Giles poured himself a scotch. Actually, several. He sat at the breakfest bar, thinking about that nights events .They were differently of the wierd,as Buffy would say. Those dreams were like no other that he had ever had. He never thought of Buffy as his daughter? Why would he be dreaming something like that? And what was it with that man and the cheese? And why did he and him...hit it off?

"The cheese wears me I do not wear the cheese" Giles mocked. Taking a drink he turned to his couch and found said man sitting there.

The man sat with a smile and a piece of cheese on his forehead. Frowning Giles looked down at his scotch, Surly after only...hmm, how many sips was that now? Well, hardly matters, he couldnt possibly be plastered all ready?

"Um, can I help you?"

"Be hold, the power of cheese" the man smiled as Giles looked around and found his home covered with cheese. Cheese whiz, cheese and salsa, cheese and crackers, cheese everything. Maybe he was drunk?

What the hell was going on here?

"All right, I told you, that was a one night thing.My feelings for you-"

"Cheese?" He offered as Giles sighed.

"It was only a dream anyhow.How are you even real?"

"You called to me Watcher"

"Oh,bloody hell. That was in the height of passion. Besides, calling out, 'Fear not my friends, The cheese man cometh', hardly justifes -"

"Have some cheese"

"I don't want any bleeding cheese. I know what this is. They put you up to this , didnt they?"

Giles looked around for the scoobies.

"Ha bloody ha you lot. All right, come on out"

"No scoobies here watcher. Just us. My name is Velveeta. Cheese man's brother"

"His...Veleeta? All right! You all had your fun. Now-"

As Giles walked around the living room towards the loft, looking for Buffy and the gang, Veleeta approached him.

"Fear not human. I wish you no harm. Only him!"

"Him?"

The evil brother turned to the innocent cheese man and pulled him off the couch.

"you will die brother! You stole my COW! I loved that cow!!! Betsy was my prized-"

"Easy cheese?" offered the cheese man to his brother with a smile. Grabbing the can out of his hand, Veleeta through it at the TV. The can hit the on switch and the brady show chimed on, singing something Giles vaguely remembered from his youth.

Giles looked down at his scotch again.

"Maybe I should limit my -"

The door bell rang.

"Thank God, no one move" Giles growled as he went to the door and found Xander, willow, Anya and Tara.

"I knew it!"

"Hi Giles-"

"This is all your fault isn't it?"

"What?"

Giles pulled Xander in and pointed to Veleeta straddling his brother, stuffing cheese down his throat.

"I WANT MY COW BACK!"

"Who the hell is that?" Willow asked as all the Scooby's entered the home and watched the cheese man wrestle his brother.

"She doesn't like you anymore! Your to mean to her! Besides, Chocolate milk is SO outdated!"

"Oh, and I suppose STRAWBERRY is better!" shouted Veleeta as he flipped his brother and pinned him.

The Scooby's along with Giles watched the two then looked at each other, then all looked at Giles.

"Don't look at me! I just wanted to get drunk! "

"What the hell is this? I thought he was just a dream" Willow said as Anya offered. "Maybe we're still dreaming?"

"Or, maybe our dreams are real like, that last time, where our nightmares came true and we, Oh! That means there's a clown! I hate clowns! No clowns! there cant be clowns Giles!!! I hate clowns-"

*smack*

Xander was cut off midsentece by the cheese man slapping him.

"Stop your whining!"

"Hey!" He began to protest as Velteea trackled his brother and started wrestling with him yet agian.Sighing Giles sat down at the bar and poured himself another scotch.

"Um, so, what are we going to with them?" Tara asked as Giles swallowed his drink and shrugged.

"I have no bloody idea, all i know is, I'm knackered and I want to go to bed"

Getting up Giles stepped over the brothers wresting and headed for the loft. The Scooby's looked down as the two struggled for control over a ...cow bell?

*moooooo moooo*

Both men stopped fighting at the sound. They turned to the door and saw Betsy standing there. Both men chimmed..."BESTY!"

Giles stopped half way up his stairs when he heard...a cow moo? Turning he went back down to see both men petting the animal.

"I really have to stop drinking so much"

" G, we're not all drinking, and WE'RE seeing it"

"Um, does that freak anyone else out but me?" Willow asked as both men kissed the top of Betsy's head and walked her out singing "It's a sun shine day' as the sun began to rise. The Scooby's looked at one another then at Giles.

"Let us never speak of this"

"Right, good"

"Gotcha"

They all annocunced at once as they left his home, shutting the door behind them. Sighing Giles went upstairs, flung his shirt off and as he drifted off to sleep, he hummed..'It's a sunshine day.....'

(Giles- Present day)

Buffy laughed so hard Giles turned to see her standing there, holding her side.

"Buffy!"

"Oh God Giles. How drunk were you? That story made NO sense!"

"Buffy, what are you doing here?!"

M.A. stood up quietly as Giles went to his Slayer.

"I , I to tell u about,lol. something.And, ok, Veleeta??"

Grunting Giles looked over at M.A. Smiling, she wrote something down on her paper and in the next three seconds Buffy was in his arms kissing him passionately. Taken off guard, Giles stubbled as Buffy landed on him. M.A. took the chance to slip out and found Betsy waiting in the courtyard.

"hey girl. I bet ewies missing you huh? Come on, we better get you home"

As M.A. lead Betsy away, Sounds of Buffy and Giles giggling, then moaning,filled the air.

"Wow, guess it is a sunshine day huh?"

"Moomooooo moo moo moooo moooo moo"

"Oh Great, a singing cow"

The End