Title: When I Lay Me Down to Sleep (part 10/?)
Author: Neena (varscona_pal@yahoo.ca)
Pairing: G/B
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The characters and Buffyverse belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, etc. This little ficlet is for fun only.
Feedback: Pretty please? I’m an addict!
Setting: Season 3, before Angel and Faith come into play.
Summary: Everybody needs to sleep, but even sleeping can be dangerous when you live on a Hellmouth.
Warning: non-consensual sex. Violence.

Buffy was pretty sure this was her worst birthday ever. And that was saying something. She skipped classes and spent most of the day placating her mother. She used every trick in the book, but her mother was stubborn. It took until noon just to convince her not to call the police, and it was nearly suppertime before she agreed to talk with Willow to get her take on the whole Preot thing.

Buffy was emotionally spent and wanted to crawl back into bed when she heard a loud ‘shave-and-a-hair-cut’ knock at the door. It could only be Xander.

Joyce beat her to the door and came face to face with the entire Scooby gang.

“Hey, Mrs. Summers!” said Xander cheerfully. “We’ve come to kidnap the Buffster.”

Buffy peeked over her mother’s shoulder, looking pale and wrung out. She smiled wanly at her friends.

“Happy Birthday!” they yelled in unison.

“It’s Bronze time,” said Willow, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. “We’ve got the whole upstairs to ourselves until eleven!”

“Sorry, Wills—I don’t think I should go out tonight. But…thanks anyway, guys.”

“Buffy,” said Joyce, taking her by the shoulders, “I think you should go. It is your birthday, after all, and all things considered, you deserve to go have some fun.”

“You’re not just saying that?” asked Buffy, doubtfully.

“I mean it. Go. Have some fun with your friends.”

As she was whisked away by her hyper schoolmates, Xander said; “Oh, by the way, Giles called. Said he couldn’t make it tonight. Sorry, Buff.”

Buffy looked over her shoulder at her mother, whose smile cracked a bit at the mention of Giles’ name. The battle was far from over.

Upstairs at The Bronze, Buffy sat at a table surrounded by her friends. She laughed and smiled and opened her presents, but the whole time, all she could think of was the gaping hole left by Giles’ absence.

Willow picked up on her mood, and as the others were busy getting drinks and dancing, she pulled Buffy aside and simply raised an eyebrow at her.

“Is it that obvious?” she asked her best friend.

“Not to them…but I know what’s going on, and I know you well enough to know that there’s something wrong,” said Willow. “How bad is it?” she asked, expecting to hear about their latest shared nightmare.

“Really bad,” said Buffy. “Mom caught me with Giles.”

“Buffy! You went to see him?”

“Worse. He came over last night. He stayed with me in my room…in my bed. And Mom caught us together.”

“Oh my God! Were you…? Did you…?” Willow was flustered—torn between shock and curiosity.

“No. Nothing happened—but God how I wish something had!” she answered. “Mom flipped, of course. Even threatened to kill Giles if she ever saw him again. I managed to calm her down a bit, but she still thinks Giles is the big bad in all this. It might help if you could talk to her—show her your research? Maybe she’ll listen to you if you can show her the facts.”

“Of course I’ll talk to her. Anything to help you guys out.”

“I’m just worried about Giles. I don’t know how he’s doing. He still thinks Mom called the cops on him.”

“Did she?” Willow asked, appalled at the idea.

“She was going to, but I told her there was nothing they could do about it. We’re two consenting adults now, and he was there at my invitation.”

“Bet that went over well,” said Willow.

“Hah!” she laughed dryly. “To be honest, I think the only reason she didn’t call the cops was that she knew I’d never talk to her again if she did.”

“Did you actually say that?”

“Oh yeah—not above emotional blackmail here.” Buffy looked around at the rapidly growing crowd. Think anyone would notice if the birthday girl pulled a Houdini? I need to see Giles.”

“I’ll cover for you. Consider it a bonus birthday present.” Willow gave her one of her uniquely Willowish grins.

“Thanks, Will,” said Buffy, giving her friend a quick hug before vanishing into the throng of mingling teenagers.

Buffy knew something was wrong the second she saw Giles’ dark apartment. No lights—no movement. Testing the door, she found it was locked. She fished around in the potted plant stand by the door and found the spare key he kept there for her.

Letting herself in, Buffy called out to Giles, not really expecting a reply. Her heart pounded in her chest with the thought that she was too late. A quick search of his home confirmed her fears…he was gone. His drawers and closet were emptied, as was his weapons chest. Buffy wandered around the vacant apartment, lost as to what to do.

She was about to leave when she spotted the “Kiss the Librarian” mug she’d bought Giles for Valentine’s Day. It was sitting conspicuously in the centre of his dinner table and there was a note sticking out of it. Buffy plucked the note out of the mug with a sense of foreboding.

“Dear Buffy,” it began.

“I know I promised I would never leave you, but we both know It would be impossible for me to stay the way things stand. I wish there was another way, but I fear there isn’t one. I will contact the council as soon as I can so they can send you a new Watcher. It’s best if no one knows where I’m going, but once I’m settled I’ll get word to you somehow.

“Be brave.

“I’ll continue to search for a way to rid us of the Preot, and when I do, I’ll pass the information on to you. I have every confidence that we will defeat the beast. You’re strong. Much stronger than you give yourself credit. Just remember that you aren’t alone. Your mother loves you desperately and she will be there for you when things get rough. I will miss you more than I can say, and it pains me that I can’t be there at your side when I know you need me the most. I can only hope that you’ll believe me when I say that I love you, Buffy. I love you more than life itself.

“Forever yours,

“Rupert Giles.”

Buffy collapsed into a chair at the table, tears blurring her vision as she reread the letter. No matter how many times she read it, the words refused to change.

This couldn’t be happening. It was like she was floundering at sea and her life line had just been yanked out of reach.

Clutching the letter to her chest, Buffy went back up to his bedroom and threw open his closet. Just a few items of clothing remained. One thing she recognised was a worn-out blue sweater he’d worn not too long ago. She picked it up and held it up to her face, smothering herself in his scent. It wasn’t enough. Buffy pulled the sweater over her clothes, wrapping herself up in the essence of him, imagining it was his arms around her waist instead of her own.

She was sitting on his bed, staring blankly at the open closet, when Willow and Oz arrived. She’d been there for nearly two hours and hadn’t even noticed.

“Buffy? You okay?” Willow’s hesitant voice barely registered in Buffy’s ears. “Come on, Buffy…Oz and I will take you home.”

“He’s gone, Will. He left me.”

Willow looked to Oz for inspiration, but he had no idea what was going on, and he simply looked back at her, perplexed. Buffy pulled away when Willow tried to help her to her feet.

“No. I can’t leave. What if he comes back? I should be here in case he comes back.”

“We’ve got to get you home, Buffy. It’s late, and you don’t want to get into trouble with your mom right now, do you?” asked Willow.

Anger flashed in Buffy’s eyes—if her mother had only seen reason, Giles would never have left. She toyed with the idea of running away again, just to hurt her, but she knew she’d be hurting herself more than her mom by doing so.

Be brave.

Taking Giles’ advice, she steeled herself to go back home and face her mom. The ride home was tense and silent, with Willow unable to comfort Buffy in Oz’s company. Oz knew enough not to ask what was going on—it wasn’t his place to pry. If Buffy and Willow needed to keep their little secrets, he could live with that. So long as Willow didn’t get hurt.

Joyce was waiting in the living room when Buffy got home. “So, did you have fun?” she asked, getting up to greet her.

Buffy could say nothing. Anger and grief clenched her throat tight, making her mute. Instead, she balled up Giles’ note and threw it at her mother and flew up the stairs to her room.

Taken aback by her daughter’s caustic mood, Joyce bent down to pick up the ball of paper at her feet. She read the note, and had to read it again before it all sank in. She glanced up the stairs, wondering if the rift between mother and daughter had just become too large to mend.

The note left her confused. Part of her was relieved that he’d gone away, but another part was starting to think that she may have been wrong about Giles. The admission was a painful one, because if she’d been wrong, and Buffy’s story was true…well, there was no sense beating herself up about it until she’d talked to Willow. Joyce resolved to call her first thing in the morning. She wanted proof—hard facts—before she would accept that her daughter was pregnant with a demon child.

The next morning, Buffy refused to come out of her bedroom. Joyce decided to giver her some space, and went downstairs to call Willow.

The red-haired girl arrived a short time later carrying more books than she could manage alone. Joyce took some of them off her hands and helped her spread them out on the dining room table. They sat down, awkwardly facing each other across the mountain of books.

“Would you like something to drink, Willow?” asked Joyce.

“No, thanks. I’m not thirsty,” she answered, and instantly regretted it. In her nervousness, her mouth had gone as dry as the Sahara Desert. She started from the beginning, using the books like a seasoned professor to pepper her account with relevant facts. She was doing great until she got to the part where she found Giles tied to the bed. She debated a moment before diving right in and giving her all the details. She knew Giles would be furious with her for telling Joyce about that part of the story—even Buffy didn’t know how badly she’d hurt him—but she had to. Her mom had to understand that Giles was as much a victim of this demon as Buffy was.

When she was finished and all the cards were laid out on the table, Willow leaned back and studied Joyce’s face. She looked slightly ashen and not at all happy. But Willow was pretty sure she believed everything she’d heard.

“So…what do we do now?” asked Joyce after a sizeable pause to gather her thoughts.

“First, we need to get Giles back her. I know you’re a little wigged about their relationship, but hey—at least he’s not a two hundred-year-old vampire with lack-of-soul issues! That’s pretty big step in the right direction, if you ask me. And Buffy needs him—she totally lost it when they were separated for less than a week—I don’t want to see what happens if he never comes back.”

“All right, Willow,” said Joyce, quickly curbing a full-scale Willow-babble. “I know you’re right, but it’s a big adjustment for me to make. We’ll find him and bring him back if that’s what Buffy needs. Any idea where he might have gone?”

“My guess? Probably back to England. He must have connections there.”

“Well, it’s a start,” said Joyce, and the two of them set about tracking a Watcher that didn’t want to be found.

It had been three weeks with no sign of Giles. Three weeks of splintered sleep and night terrors that left both Buffy and her mother at their wits’ end.

To make matters worse, a new Watcher named Wesley had taken on Giles’ duties, both in the library and in her training. He was like a Giles wanna-be; he had the accent, and all the same mannerisms, and his very presence was a painful reminder of the man she lost.

Wesley tired in his bumbling way to win the trust of his new Slayer, but she never let him get close enough. He hadn’t been told the reason he was called to replace Giles, but Buffy made it clear that it hadn’t been her choice. He was baffled, too, at her seeming ineptitude at slaying vampires. Other demons posed no problem, but the vampire population was on the increase, and his Slayer couldn’t seem to catch up to one, let alone kill one.

Xander, Cordelia and Oz knew she was upset that Giles had left, but couldn’t understand why she was as upset as she was. With her hormonal mood swings and her lack of sleep, Buffy was usually a frightening combination of cranky and depressed, and only Willow could handle being in her presence for any length of time.

But on the plus side, at least her nausea had finally gone away, and her appetite had kicked in full force. There wasn’t a scrap of food in eyesight that was safe from her, and she was thankful she had a Slayer’s metabolism, otherwise she’d be a blimp already.

It was a Tuesday night, early in December, and Buffy was just about finished her patrolling for the night, idly wondering how much longer she’d be able to squeeze into her clothes. Things had been quiet—she hadn’t been able to figure out how the vampires kept getting away from her. Where were they hiding?

She heard a sound coming from the other side of the mausoleum and suddenly felt and odd tugging sensation in the pit of her stomach. She went to investigate, using more caution that usual, sensing something powerful was just around the corner.

Buffy raised her battleaxe and poised herself to strike. She heard movement—it was coming…

“Buffy?”

Buffy had already started swinging the heavy blade before she realised it was a man coming around the corner. In her efforts to redirect the blow, she lost her balance and flew into the wall of the mausoleum, smacking her forehead into the cold stone.

“Buffy! Buffy, are you all right?” the man asked, rushing to her side. Buffy fingered the lump on her forehead and winced.

“Buffy, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I’ve been looking for you all night.” He helped her stand up.

“I’m okay, Giles. Just a little bump—nothing to wig out over…” It slowly dawned on her that the man in front of her was Giles. It was Giles! Here in the flesh. And she was talking to him! “Ohmygod! Giles!” She threw herself at him with such force that they both went over into the bushes.

Giles laughed. “Yes…it’s good to see you, too.”

“I thought…in your letter, you said—you made it sound like you were never coming back.”

“I know, and I probably shouldn’t have come back—not with things the way they are with your mother—but I couldn’t stay away. I don’t think I’ve ever been so miserable in my entire life! I haven’t slept more than two hours together since I left, and I’ve been worried sick…” He was cut short by a dizzyingly thorough kiss from his overjoyed Slayer.

She kissed him as if she would crawl inside him if she could. She never wanted to let him go. Feeling his body responding to her kiss, and knowing that he lover her as much as she love him, made the hell she’d suffered over the last few weeks melt away from her thoughts completely. At last she broke the kiss, just so she could look at his face and see the sparkle in his eyes.

“Don’t you ever leave me again,” she admonished, but there was no anger behind the words.

“No,” he said, once he’d got his breath back. “Never again.”

Buffy reluctantly got to her feet and gave Giles and hand up. He brushed off his jacket and pants, then brushed a leaf off of Buffy’s shoulder.

“Buffy? Is that my sweater you’re wearing?” he asked.

She looked down at herself and blushed. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve taken it off since you left.”

“Keep it—it looks much better on you than it ever did on me.”

She grinned up at him and looped her arm around his as they headed out of the cemetery.

“So…where did you go, anyway? Mom and Willow and I had no luck tracking you down.”

Giles came to an abrupt halt. “Your mother was trying to find me?”

“It’s cool, Giles. Willow explained everything. I think she even had pie charts. Mom’s on our side now.”

“Hm,” he said. “Then she’s not planning on killing me on sight?”

Buffy took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. His heart leapt at the casually familiar touch. And even though he craved so much more, for now he was grateful just to be near her.

“So? Are you going to answer my question? What have you been up to all this time?” she asked.

“Visiting and old…friend. And I just may have found the solution to our problem.” He smiled, but said nothing more.

“Well?” she prompted.

“A cemetery in the middle of the night is hardly the best place or time to have this discussion. I was thinking we should continue it at your place. Your mother will want to hear what I have to say as well.”

“I was kinda hoping for something a little more…private,” she said, seductively.

Giles’ felt a surge of excitement flash through him, but he ignored it. “I think you should hear me out first,” he said, and remained frustratingly silent the rest of the way home.

NEXT