Title: An Englishman Abroad
Author: Paratti
Disclaimer: Not mine all belongs to Joss
Pairings: Spike/Giles friendship, Giles/Anya, Spike/Buffy, from Spike's point of view.

Travelfic based on spoilers to the end of S6, but with differences.
Feedback: gratefully received at slayerdudette@lineone.net

Knew I'd forgotten something. They call me a bloodsucker. I have at my best nothing on these little demons. Even being vamped hasn't stopped the little sods from dining on that perennial favourite "Englishman abroad". But it's rather difficult to pack Jungle Formula in a coffin. Bad enough to have to use nicotine patches, but security even on air shipping the dead is tighter these days.

And I have to take more care than most of my fellow countrymen about the sunburn issue too. The ultimate sunblock given to that pillock and destroyed. I could have done with it getting out of the cargo area. But hey with a few bucks it wasn't hard to get to the international banks and get enough cash to get from Nairobi down to the border by landrover by night and across the border away from the crossing. A vampire doesn't need to worry 'bout lions and leopards, us predators have to stick together.

Shame can't take pics though for the Niblet, she'd love it. Huge expanse of plains, enough wildebeest getting eaten to keep the BBC wildlife documentary export industry going for decades, and the great bulk of Kilimanjaro in the background. Love to climb it - but no way to keep out the sun on foot. Can't have everything. Course right at the moment feels like I can't have anything.

But no broodage, that way lies hair that grows straight up and not this vamp! Gotta look at the positive. Lots of fresh blood on the hoof, somewhere I've never been before - which is always good, gotta keep things fresh. Music full of great drumbeats - must send some tapes home and introduce the Niblet to World Music.

The beer - a great legacy of the British and German influence here, and a few bottles in the cooler make a great sundowner. Could have done without digging out the landrover last night though. Clay is a bitch even with vamp strength and could have well done without having to chip 4 inches of the stuff off the Docs before I could drive again. I mean I wouldn't mind being taller - but not that way - prefer punk to glam rock.

But here it is - the village home of the last best hope of de-chipping (knew we shouldn't have watched the whelp's Babylon 5 collection last summer), without owing psychotic nerds, lawyers trying to organise the apocalypse or dishonest surgeons.

Just a few miles from Olduvai Gorge - home of some of the oldest human ancestors they say on the telly. Must be the home of the oldest vamps too. Feels like it. All of me feels at home here. Makes me feel young actually, which is nice change.

The slayer must have arisen here too. Appropriate, since that's why I'm here. Wonder if the shaman is one of the descendants of one of those the ancient legends, of the Order of Aurelius, say created the slayer to hunt us down.

Maybe, just hope he can do it. Need to be me. All of me. Need to be free. Need to help. Can't do that with some stupid bit of silicon in my head. So mozzie bites, clay encrusted boots, whatever tests I gotta go through here I am - bring it on!

The village was at the edge of one of the biggest volcanic craters I've ever seen. Pretty glad it must be extinct. The stars were so bright though. Missed that in smogy, city lighted California. Dru would love 'em. Ngorongoro Crater- try saying that a few times after a few beers. Passed elephants, loads more bloody wildebeest, enough zebras to supply pedestrian crossings for half the UK, and even rhinos on the way there.

There was a bar with some great music coming out and a beer and a chat about the football would be soo welcome right now. It's great! Man. U. has so many fans out here. Great to have a conversation about Becks and the lads prospects for the Champions League. Even better than the watcher, I mean Chelsea come on! Can't talk about the footy with the whelp, he thinks rugby with padding that stops all the time is interesting, heathen. But gotta get this done, no sidetracks, however appealing. Last hut of the dirt track directly by the walls of the crater, according to the directions.

The shaman, younger than I would have thought, but the eyes they were old, looked straight at me. You get used to that you know mixing with other vampires, missed it.

"You think you know. What's to come, what you are… You haven't even begun".

Now that sounds familiar, think Red told me something with that in during the summer. Wish I could remember, maybe after some kip. "You speak English?"

"Of course, it helped a lot when I was studying in London. Of course I don't need to know your language to talk to you, not when I can touch your mind if I want to."

"Please don't its weird enough when Red does it, don't want too many people in here. Too much up there as it is"

"Its why you are here you think. To free your mind and body from a bit of plastic."

"Hey, top of the range silicon here mate, but freedom yeah."

"What would you do for that"

"What you want?"

"A promise to listen to a friend of mine if you pass the tests, oh and not to eat my friends and neighbours even if you don't agree to his proposition. I know you are a gentleman of his word."

"Seems fair, done."

"Come, sit and we will begin. Hold her"

He passed me a skull. Seen plenty of those in my time. This one looked different though. Like those in the natural history documentaries on evolution. Brow ridges were heavier - though again I tend to feel heavy brows on a regular basis. Felt powerful too.

"You feel her? Sineya, mother of all of us. For you and the woman you love twice over. The scientists of the west have found her, mitochondrial Eve, but we know her name. Mother of the children of the world. Mother of the First Slayer, Mother of the First Vampire. You will listen to her."

With that he put some herbs onto the fire. Here we go again. I mean I did Woodstock on acid blood, peyote down Mexico way, absinthe in Montmartre and I come from an era when the Queen was on Class A drugs. All lots of great anecdotes I am not supposed to tell the Nibblet coz drugs are bad, just say no.

I stared at the fossil skull. The smoke and fumes blended to form deep brown eyes that seemed to lock me in place. The view shifted from a dark, smoky hut to open plains beside a shallow lake under a harsh sun. Nice to see the sun in a non-combusting sort of way, haven't felt it since the Gem of Amara debacle. But I couldn't just see I knew, bone deep what I was seeing, and what the woman whose eyes I was seeing through felt.

Three girls: Oldest daughter playing with a sharpened wooden spear, running around, looking around; Middle daughter, responsible, holding a skin gathering plants like Mother; Baby, in Mother's arms, thumb in mouth.

Seasons shift.
Oldest daughter becomes a woman, gets a name - Lilit - still out to hunt, to see what was over the next hill, not interested in settling down with the men who would mate with her, wanting no constraint.
Middle daughter, looking after Baby, wanting to love and take care of her. Baby still a child loving Mother and her sisters.
Mother sad for the lost sons but happy with her three girls. Happy that the monsters the ancients stories told of were no longer around hunting them. Animals they could cope with, the monsters no. But the monsters had mostly gone by themselves.

Then the coming of the last monster, green bone plates round its face, red eyes, mindless savagery. Lilit tries to fight it, It savages her but she wounds it. Too late, its blood trickles into her open wounds. The tribe destroys the monster and gathers around its lost daughter.

She rises, changed. Fangs, yellow eyes, strange brows and thirst for blood, blended with the monster. The tribe knows not what to do. Lose their own people, lose people from other tribes. Some changed, some consumed.

Powerful ones of the tribes gather. Bring their magic together. Pull out some of the spirit animating Lilit. Put it into a warrior.

Middle daughter becomes a woman during the days long rituals. She becomes the warrior. Her name now only her function - Slayer. Only living in the hunt of those changed by her sister, in the blood-cry. Only the need to protect remaining from Middle daughter.

Mother weeps, Baby kisses Slayers wounds better but is rebuffed.

Baby gets older. Slayer keeps down the children of Lilit, but can never wipe them out. Always hunting, losing who she was. Only the hunt, always alone, always missing something.

Baby becomes a woman, mates and has children of her own. The Children of Lilit consume others, so many other humans. Only Slayers tribe thrives. Slayer is killed by Lilit. Her own Baby becomes Slayer.

Over the generations Slayers appear only among her line. As Slayers keep the people alive her children are sought out as mates and spread. Others are consumed until only Mother's children survive.

Mother weeps for all her children.

I get thrust out, back to myself. I look at the skull. Below the empty eye sockets there is a crystalline tear. "Wow, intense. So what now" I ask the Shaman.

"Swallow the tear. That is the first step. You have been shown the past, who we are."

"I do. It burns, it cleanses."

"Drink this, it's cow blood, I think you need it. It's what we drink with milk but I expect you wouldn't want a shake. Then I think you need a break, go along to the bar and I will call you."

Not sure how long I was out but the blood was most definitely welcome. Still felt a bit spacey so I walked rather than drove back to the bar. Getting some air cleared my head a bit. Got to the wooden building, with the music blaring and the wonderful scent of beer. I pushed the door open and now I know I'm stoned. "Giles?????"

"Quite! Does really require something of a Grateful Dead meets Led Zeppelin soundtrack I think."

"Looks like Giles, seen the record collection so sounds like Giles, and that Planet Gong record confirms he must have done a lot of the good stuff in the pre-Tweed era, haven't seen the Watcher Safari Collection before but appears to be Giles. What the bloody hell are you doing here! Thought you were back home, hiding under a very large rock from all we've heard from you recently. And by the way, still haven't forgiven you from walking away from the Slayer when she really needed you. Might have been able to talk some sense into her, Red and the Whelp. Nobody else seems to be able to"

"Good to see you too Spike."

"You aren't going to start cleaning your glasses anytime soon are you? Only can somebody get me a beer first? I'm stinking of funky herbs, I'm covered in mozzie bites, I just had a trip to the beginning of human time and evolution, swallowed something new even for me and am still not sure what its done to me. All that and here's someone I thought was back home reading the Sun, getting a decent full English breakfast, and poncing about with the Council of Wankers. I'm hot, tired, confused and in need of somebody telling me what's going on. Sounds like the story of my life recently, come to think about it."

" Stay here." At which Giles headed off to the bar, chatting with the locals in Swahili on the way there and back. Seems to have been here a while. They all seemed to know him and handed him two beers from the cold part of the fridge.

" Let's go outside and have a proper talk. It'll take a while and the music could prove distracting. There is a great view of the animals from by the water hole a few miles away. We'll take my landrover as no way am I driving with you. Things haven't changed that much."

"Hey I wasn't the one that crashed the winnebago! Sorry, OK. Anyway sun'll be up soon, and Hello Vampire!"

"Come on. Samuel wouldn't let me do anything to hurt you, even if I did want to. And after all "Band of Buggered" and all that."

"Thought you'd forgot that, all that never wanting my opinion and so on. Nope, who wants to listen to the evil bloodsucking thing. Especially when he's right!"

"Spike, I'm sorry for saying the not wanting your opinion. I was wrong. Two things I never want to have to say again. So come on and we can talk about all this."

So, somewhat in shock, I grab the beers. Clambered into the landrover and we headed off down the track. The watcher drove this a lot faster than the old winnebago and soon we were sitting under a nice shady acacia tree with a couple of cold ones.

Sometimes its good to still be around you know. African dawn, huge colourful skies, pure air, a vast plain within a huge volcanic crater and enormous herds of animals. The elephants dominated the water hole much as the Slayer did the hell-mouth. But the zebras, wildebeest and gazelles all took their morning drinks before it got too hot, ahead of another busy morning trying to avoid getting eaten by the predators lurking in the background, so hey back to the hell-mouth metaphor. And always fun to watch.

"OK my head's clearing up now and you haven't answered any of my questions."

"Answers, all right - in no particular order or any preferences. Some are longer than others."

"Hah! Whatever! Oh wielder of the mighty answers. Just in case Alzheimer's has set in I will recap. How come you are here? Why haven't you been in touch? How do you know the shaman well enough to call him Samuel? I was told to address him as Shaman. What's happened to me? And I reserve the right for more questions, as I'm sure there will be supplementary."

"Introduced his sister to her husband. He helped us with the Faith situation; you might have heard that story. The two of them were friends of mine during the Ethan period, but far too sensible to raise demons, didn't need to. So I count as family. The what I have been doing will take a long time and I will tell you later. You are after-all vital in it. But what has happened to you so far. I can show you."

He grabs my beer and pushes me out of the shade into the early morning sun.

I'm diving back to the shade when I realise I'm not smoking. Nope, not a singe, not a whiff of smoke. More to the point the early morning African sunshine actually feels pleasant, not too hot yet and at this altitude with a freshness all too lacking in the land of the combustion engine and people who can't seem to walk anywhere. Ok in Sunnydale that is a valid survival choice after dark, but hey I watch Jerry Springer, and I think I work with some of the only thin people in the States, Whelp notwithstanding.

"You utter, utter bastard. I should…. Hey, why don't I want to tear your head off and play football with it? I should you know! For 120 years any git did that to me and that's what I'd want to do! Play the xylophone with your spinal column! What the bloody hell is happening to me? I don't wanna do that."

"First of all put some of this on. I don't want to hear you whinging later on about getting sunburnt on top of the rest. And I really don't think 120 years of vampire-hood builds a base tan" And he tosses me some SPF 25, and reaches into a battered daypack. "And put this on."

"Its purple! I am not wearing a purple fedora. Man's gotta have some standards!"

"And a man also has to avoid a sunburnt nose and ears. Put it on. I don't need it anymore, already got the tan."

"Only if I finally get that bloody explanation. Getting impatient here Watcher."

"OK. The reason you are not burning is a side effect of the Tear of The Mother you consumed earlier. You knew, I believe the Shaman could cure your affliction, so to speak. What was your affliction? Remind me."

"Bloody hell Watcher you know, you were around. Can't fight humans, can't defend myself, can't save others from humans, no matter how hard I work through the pain. Can't be me. Can't live in a cage, gotta be me."

"That's part of it. The chip no longer works. You have what you say you want. But nothing works in isolation. The energy the chip emits cannot be destroyed, only transformed. I think its' this quantum mechanics thing that the Hawkins chap talks about in A Short History of Time - but I can't get past chapter 3. Anyway, away from a poor choice of aeroplane reading material. Everything is part of a system. Did you ever wonder why vampires can't go sunbathing?"

"Umm, God, impurity, the usual dammed for all eternity bit leaps to mind."

"Blood. It is all down to blood in the end. You were right in the shop, dam! Again! Other demons can walk in sunlight. Vampires can't. You saw the genesis of the first vampire, so did I. It was imperfect, an accidental infection almost, not meant to be in nature. It was through the blood. The blood never became melded into a single form, it varies. I think that's why some vampire lineages produce powerful individuals, and others mindless killers. It is also unstable in the presence of energy such as the sun - hence vampire flambé.

What you are now is melded. You are still a vampire; nothing natural can reverse the fact you died in 1880. You will still need to drink blood but you won't crave it. There is no need to try and balance an unsolvable equation within your own veins anymore. That is part of why you don't feel the need to eat me.

As for playing the xylophone with my spinal column. That is another effect of the Tear. Vampires lose their human soul but the blood introduces another animating force, a demon soul if you will, a part of the original demon blended with Lilit. A force of mindless destruction joined with an unrestrained ID. That was the compass if you like handed down to you and other vampires. That compass has been re-orientated."

"Hey not part of the deal! I'm evil!"

"Package deal Spike. And cut that out, we all know you haven't been evil for some time now. We all know it, well maybe not Xander. Its time to grow up. You got a longer adolescence than most of us and free will is a responsibility you are ready for. I once spoke of a higher purpose of your chipping to you, and you scorned it. I don't think that would be the case now. I hope I'm right."

"Just don't tell me I'm supposed to start brooding. I may have to stake myself."

"It's set to neutral Spike. Its not a curse, its innate. Now go and get something to eat. And Spike - don't eat the endangered species."

*********************

"Wildebeest - breakfast of champions, 10 thousand lions cannot be wrong."

"Sounds tempting, actually. All those wildlife documentaries - must be something in it. I wonder…Mm my Swiss Army Knife, your lighter, tree present and correct. Spike take the knife and cut off a few slices- time for a breakfast barbecue. I'll light a fire. Don't look so worried! You aren't as flammable now, about the same as me I think. Just like the sun bathing. Think of all those marshmallows you kept nagging me to buy - you can toast them over open fires now."

So we have ourselves a nice boy scout breakfast, while the vultures and hyenas fight it out over the rest of the carcass. Very tasty.

"OK, haven't forgotten here mate! Why are you here and why did you abandon the Slayer when she needed you."

"First of all "mate" I didn't abandon Buffy. I know she sees it that way and that pains me more than I can either express and would to you anyway. But she does need to be her own woman and a grown up and she can't do that clinging on to me, her mother, or you for that matter.

I do know what's been going on. Anya is my business partner and an accurate, frequent if somewhat blunt correspondent.

Part of the terms of signing over a share of The Magic Box was that she would continue to send regular reports on all of you to me. Having to learn Outlook Express to get them was far from pleasant but needs must. I'm not happy about what happened between you and Buffy, I can't pretend otherwise. I know you are a vampire but I would have thought you could have handled things with Buffy much better."

"Hey."

"I know you took Buffy's lead. I still don't approve but hell Spike you are older than she is, and I know over a century with a lunatic does not a good relationship understanding make, but I know you do know better. I know you love her. I don't approve, but I know you do love her. I have also been doing some research on the pre-"Spike" portion of your existence. Lydia has been most helpful."

"Oh great! I'm doomed!"

"Youngest son of the Bishop of Winchester, poet - very bad poet, only member of the Order of Aurelius whose family remained alive and sane. Devoted son and brother to his youngest sister - who was, admittedly, deranged enough to publish the surviving verse."

"Stake me now!"

"Spike, time to stop hiding who you are. It's not an option anymore. Don't worry you can tell Buffy and "Nibblet" yourself. One tip - don't show them the poetry, I'm sure you might be able to do better now.

As I said I didn't approve of a vampire / slayer relationship, after Angelus who would blame me. But you are different now.

Indeed I think you always have been, in fact it would make a great epitaph for you - "Here Lies Spike - I'm Different". I think if you can build on the changes you have made, and the changes made in you now I can approve. Just don't let me down - or yourself! You have a chance now."

"Not planning too Rupert. Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Can't really do anything else after my own little trip with Samuel. Also I will only say this once. It's too much otherwise. Thanks for saving my life. Both during that summer and for making that deal with Buffy that stopped Angelus and the chainsaw."

"Welcome. Sorry 'bout Dru there. Couldn't see any other way to stop him, and I couldn't move 'til the slayer arrived. Can we be really English now and stop embarrassing each other?"

"With great relief! Returning to why I left and why I'm here. It was due to conflicts back home. War if you like within the Council of Watchers. A very civilised one so far, but it will turn bloody and I needed ammunition. What's a more powerful weapon than the truth?"

**********************

"I've seen the world get smaller over my lifetime. Look at the village. The ceremonial hut is made of dried grass, wood and daub, but most of the buildings have pre-fabricated metal roofs.

We are in a game reserve the size of one of the smaller European countries, but its still a reserve. The people are still here though, and there's more outside. They are mixing with the tourists and following the progress of the Premiership and drinking coke. Burger King isn't here yet, but give it a few decades.

The big tourist chains already have luxury safari lodges on the crater edge. And you know part of that is a good thing. We don't have the right to deny the local people the things we take for granted, and you can't share the benefits of modern medicine and deny them the rest, just because we think its picturesque."

"Know what you mean, mate. World certainly has got smaller.

"Zulu" was on the telly just before I came over here. Michael Caine is the man in that pic! You know Rorke's rift was the year before I was turned. Big news, parades, everything. Took Dru to see the film when it came out. All that slaughter - she loved it. Course, it had taken me several years and lots of dead cinemagoers to teach her that the pictures on the screen weren't like her visions.

But, yes. I went to Citibank in Nairobi to get some local currency and drove past adverts for Japanese cars on the road out of town. Which was weird considering there were giraffes grazing by the side of the road.

Remember the whole thing; saw some of it in the flesh. Cape to Cairo. Opening up East Africa. Putting down the slave trade in Zanzibar. Not that it seemed to do the Chinese much good when we were there for the Boxer Rebellion! All those parks with no dogs or Chinese signs - don't blame 'em for being pissed off!

War. Height of Empire, more War, end of Empire, Independence, Cold War, and now here we are. But for all the World is smaller not much changes. Did you research show my uncle getting a medal and a grave in the Second Afghan War in 1878? Mother only just got out of mourning for him before putting it back on for me."

"It did. We can discuss historical parallels to current affairs going back to Alexander 'til the cows come home, and I think we would both enjoy it. But events are moving elsewhere and we need to focus.

I came here searching for answers. Last year Buffy wanted to know more about the origin of the slayers. I confess I wanted to know more too. I gave her what I had. It wasn't much. Even though The Watchers Council has some of the oldest written texts in the World.

The British Museum, The Louvre, The Pergamon and The Vatican even would kill just to see our collections. There are tablets so old even we cannot translate them. They are the works of our ancestors and predecessors. They cover legends, events and facts handed down verbally over countless generations before humans first tried to write their thoughts."

"Same as how Homer got passed on, so we got Odysseus, Troy and The Iliad, right? Always liked him, "the face that launched a thousand ships and burnt the topless towers of Illium, sweet Helen make me immortal with a kiss!""

"Just the same with a lot less sex and a similar level of violence. But the watchers have always remained close to the most stable and powerful rulers of the day. When you have accumulated some of the most powerful magical artefacts on the planet, have bred the watcher lines for brains, magical power and sheer ruthlessness its not hard. That has not changed. We may have the main base now in the UK, but it's by no means the only one. And with modern communications location is less important.

In doing further research I found some of the Council were working with elements of the US Government. Hence the Initiative. How do you think they knew what they were hunting? The Time Life series?"

*****************

"So its all your lots' fault! I bloody knew it. Plastic stakes, headaches Marie Antoinette would envy, being starved, turned into a lab rat, helpless to defend myself, used, abused, insulted by wankers I wouldn't have deigned to bite. Turned into a shadow of my own former self and its all your bloody fault! And the US military/industrial/governmental cabal of course. Knew I shouldn't have eaten all those Vietnam peace protesters back in 1970!"

"First of all you daft sod. It was your own fault for coming back from LA to go after Buffy. Though strictly between the two of us I did rather like the red-hot pokers bit on Angel. Cordelia told me about it. Don't suppose you videoed it?"

"Tragically not. Should have done, but I always get the little buttons muddled up. Besides the sound track would have been ruined by that bleeding Mozart, not to mention that git Marcus."

"And as for your recent suffering, the word karma leaps to mind. I think only your helping avert 3 apocalypses has lightened it to the point you can move forwards now. Besides it wasn't my friends working with those berks behind The Initiative. Quite the contrary, they kept it all very quiet from most of us. Didn't even tell Quentin."

"No! From what Buffy has said about "the epit-gnome of evil" I thought he would be all for it?"

"He does tend to come across like that. But he is really trying to keep things moving in a general fighting evil whilst maximising the paperwork sort of fashion. No the chief conspirator in our own ranks is young Wesley's father. A complete swine of a man, I always thought. I think his own son getting fired then working with a vampire- even a souled one - drove him over the edge."

"So what's their game plan? Soldier boys seemed to be out to create perfect expendable cannon fodder. What's their angle?"

"Complete destruction of all non human sentient life-forms, leaving only us and those animals deemed suitable for BBC wildlife documentaries and the Discovery Channel. Though dolphins may survive the purge on the cuteness factor"

"Bloody hell. Why? And why now? No imminent apocalypse is there?"

"As we discussed earlier. The world gets smaller every day. Communication is instant and global. Truth gets out. The quieter demons that just want to be left alone won't be. So there'll be public yetis and Loch Ness Monsters - charming chaps by the way, just rather too fond of scotch. Big Foot, the flying saucer demons and so on all exposed. Ok, those are mostly harmless, people probably wouldn't panic.

But vampires, fyrals, m'fashnicks, chaos demons, all the cornucopia of demons out for blood and destruction. That would be quite a different thing. People would panic. Up to now we had had the power and ability to suppress the fact that they are out there. Denial spells have worked wonders in hot spots like the Hellmouth, and some of the larger cities where demons gather, like London and LA. But even these won't work soon. Too many people are getting immune. People will learn the truth, and many will panic, threatening the current world order."

"Perfectly happy to see the chaos demons exterminated. Yuk, all slime and antlers. Ooh, throw in the fungus demons too."

"Your friend Clem. The one Dawn has written to me about. The half-demons, the harmless, the assimilated, and the good ones. If they succeed, even the Slayers - since their energy is demonic in origin. You."

"OK. Bad idea. On board with that. Where do I come in?"

"First of all, we are going for a drive. We'll pick up Samuel and then we are off to Lake Manyara. It's a soda lake. Lovely colours, wonderful flamingos. Perfect for the next stage. Put the fire out and I'll pack up. I'm driving."

One long landrover ride back to the village, over the top of the crater, through some heavily forested areas, back through some more huge plains, yet more ruddy widebeest, and baboons making more baboons, we got to a stunning lake.

If I still wrote poetry I hate to think what rhymes I would have come up with for the turquoise of the water and the amazing pink of untold thousands of huge flamingos.

The three-way debate en-route over the relative merits of The Doors, Deep Purple, and The Clash was fun too. Listening to the tapes with the top down and the sun beaming down in a nice non-fatal fashion was even better. Even if Giles did make me keep the bloody purple fedora on and slap on the sun-cream. Good to be with people with good musical taste.

One thing still wasn't good as we crossed the sand to the edge of the lake.

"Arggh, little buggers. Little professional solidarity here wouldn't go amiss. Who would have thought vampire blood would be so bloody popular. Feels like half the mosquitoes of the Great Rift Valley have come to the grand opening of that fashionable new restaurant Chez Spike! How come they aren't laying a bite on you Rupert? Understand not biting the locals, natural immunity an all that."

"Must see if you and Ethan are related, or have/had the same blood group. Do vampires have blood groups? Must find out. He would get eaten alive too.

When we bummed off round India he spent most of the time we weren't stoned off our heads or hunting down really great - but very bad - spells looking for hydrocortisone cream. Then there was that dive of a hotel I picked in Bikaner where the air-con blew in mosquitoes instead of cool air. I never got a single bite. He looked like a blotchy pin-cushion. I think that's one of the reasons he hates me."

"Anyway, time for the next stage. You will be here for some days. Prey empathy lesson time. Don't climb the trees. The lions here can climb them too."

*******************

At that he and the Shaman held hands and chanted something in a language I didn't understand. And I do speak 37 human and demon languages. Though some of the minion ordering phraseology tends to be limited to grunts and ugghs, so they aren't too demanding.

I freeze in place. Brain fully functional check: eyesight the same. At least whatever the shaman did to me hasn't resulted in me having to go back to glasses all the time, as opposed to reading glasses.

Being vamped helped a lot. I can see fine, even when not vamped out, for driving, the telly, and normal stuff. Reading hurts after a while though. It's a real shame though, always loved books. You can see why I gave up wearing them though. You try being the big bad feared vampire with glasses falling off your nose. Difficult in a fight too. Not to mention the grief I got from peaches about them.

Hello, mouth and voice still functional.

"Oy! Communication skills here, you tossers! You can probably get a course on it! Or is it the Sunnydale influence? Don't talk to the vamp. He might actually have a chance to know what's going on!"

"Sorry, Spike, but for this stage you won't be able to move a muscle other than those involved in the senses. You have to be able to feel everything."

They pick me up and plonk me under a tree. Guess Rupert doesn't want sunburnt vamp, as he makes sure that daft hat is still firmly planted on my head.

"You will be here for some time. You will not be able to move. What you will experience should help, but might prove painful. It is necessary though."

More funny words, some wacky smoke and a couple of crystals. No fire this time though. If I am gonna be here a while I am going to feel a bit chilly once the sun goes down. Vampires don't have the same sensitivity to temperature changes as humans, but we do feel it. With the changes that tear made in me and my blood I think I'm gonna feel the cold when its dark.

"No fire?"

"No defences. No limits. Samuel and I have some scrying to do. Nothing to do with this. We will be on the other side of the lake. You won't be able to see us, or hear us, but we will be back - eventually."

And they just up and left. Story of my life - again!

There is a little hyrax - looks like a squirrel: same size as a squirrel: closest relative - the elephant. And they say Mother Nature has no sense of humour.

It's on some rocks basking in the sun. It's completely missed the cheetah stalking it through the bush. Should be a nice easy meal. Gorgeous animal, pure lean predator, sharp claws and some truly impressive teeth. It springs, but at the last moment the hyrax sees it and goes off running.

Suddenly I'm not me. I'm being chased, swatted with sharp claws; I just know pure fear and adrenaline. I can't escape. I'm too slow; it's too fast. The claws trip me and the fangs go into me. Pain, fear and death are all I know.

I come back to myself, still shaking.

Moments later smoke forms. Out of it comes a woman in black. Honey brown hair, mixed with plenty of grey done up in a bun. Blue eyes surrounded with the marks of too much grief. A mourning broach making a sad counterpoint to the mourning rings on her hands.

"Mama? No! Now that's cruel!"

"I wept for you. My dearest son. My blessing, and my solace in widowhood. My pride, my clever, my good son. I buried you. I kissed you for the last time. I still have the ring from your lock of hair. It matches the rings from the 2 sons I had already given back to God. Then I'm told even your grave was desecrated. Your sisters and I couldn't bear it. No grave to tend, your body missing."

"Mama, no please don't cry. I'm here. I love you. I always loved you. I created so much trouble that we had to leave London so you'd all be safe." Tears were rolling down my face but I couldn't even move to wipe them away.

"Your friends, the ones that said such lovely things about you at the funeral, all dead - so horribly. That Addams girl, who was so sweet, sent away to the Continent and never seen again. All so soon after losing my own dear brother. Your brothers tried. John was so good to the girls, but he was so busy in the City It was never the same. Dear Henry, wrote such wonderful letters and took Lizzie back with him to India, but he was so far away. I needed you. We all needed you."

"Mama, I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was getting into. Once I did it was too late. I couldn't come back. I wouldn't have got the chance either. I didn't meant to make you suffer."

"But you could make others like me! How many other mothers like me William? How many lost their children? How many lost beloved wives of husbands? How many lost dear friends?"

It seemed that untold thousands of black clad mourners filed through me. The anguish, the loss, the question "WHY?" went through me again and again.

Their sheer pain was agonising. I've been tortured by artists of the medium. Angelus in his more whimsical moods, Darla like a cat playing with a canary. Hey even a Hell-God. I would have traded hours of that to get rid of this agony. But it just kept coming and coming.

"Goodbye, darling. We will see each other again. I know you can do this."

She kissed me on the forehead, like she had when I was a child. Then she and the others disappeared.

*********************

A small herd of elephants came down to the lake for a drink, magnificent beasts with great ivory tusks. After seeing Mother this reminded me of the hunting trophies my brother and uncle had sent home from India. Tiger skins, stuffed birds, racks of horns, tusks, an elephant's foot umbrella stand. All were quite normal in our station in life, something to be proud of having.

But I could smell humans. Not the watcher, nor the shaman. They would surely see me. How could I explain what an Englishman, in a purple Ecuadorian hat, was doing, unable to move, under a tree, in deepest Tanzania, with tears running down my face?

I didn't have to. They brought out their AK47's.

I shifted again. I was the great matriarch of the elephants, taking my family from water to fresh food. Responsible for my whole family: with my baby trotting beside me. Then, pain, more pain, my own, my child's, my whole family, all dead.

The poachers took the tusks and just left the once great animals to rot.

Thinking of the trophies made me sick.

More smoke. Another woman appears. But this one is dressed in cheap tawdry finery, reeking of gin. A worn face, eyes that had seen too much. Still young, but looking so much older.

My first victim.

I remembered Angelus holding the streetwalker he'd brought with him to the cemetery for my rising. Him whispering to her that he would feed her to the devil himself.

I remembered how, half-feral from digging myself out of my own grave, her fear and the scent of her blood had called to me like nothing I had ever craved before. I remembered my fangs sinking into her throat, and the sweet taste of blood rushing into me.

I shifted again. I was her, with teeth in my throat.

"You killed me. You killed my child that waited for me in that foul little room when I never came back. You didn't even know me."

I saw her life. Poor family in the country sends a daughter to London to be a kitchen maid. No chance to stay at home in an agricultural depression. Working all hours, working her fingers to the bone, and only 14. The footman her only friend. Only until he gets what he wants. With child, a fallen woman. He denies it's his, turns his back as she is turned out. No character so no new job. Living in absolute terror of the workhouse. Takes in sewing. Can't feed herself or the child. Only one way to get money. The horror of it drives her to drink. The big Irishman, the Fear. Death.

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I never knew there was a choice."

The lake boiled. My victims erupted from the lake, all of them passing through me. My mind assaulted by life after life, after endless life, all with only one thing in common. I killed them. Their hopes, their dreams, their pain, their chance to do; all cut short by my fangs and whims.

It took a long time to stop the tears. The sun had moved across the sky to mark early evening before I got some of my composure back.

A pride of lions were using the elephant corpses to ambush a wildebeest drinking at the lake. There were 4 females and a young male. They formed up in a long slow stalk. They were in an arrow formation. The wildebeest was completely oblivious. From a stalk they moved into a lope, but just before they could break into a co-ordinated run the young male went off too soon.

Never been a problem of mine.

The wildebeest was last seen heading for Kenya and some slightly more patient lions. The females looked very annoyed. The male seemed to imply it was nothing to do with him. I wonder who that reminds me of?

At least this time I didn't get torn apart by lions. Felt like it though with all those people.

More smoke. Oh joy.

This time it's a feral girl, in rags, with mud on her face and dark skin. Slayer, from the vision the Shaman showed me. There are no words from this one, just her death at the teeth of a sister neither can recognise as such.

More slayers... all of them in fact. All their deaths experienced as my own.

Fangs, claws, horns, clubs, rocks, you name the instrument of death it was included. Death in life affirming battle. Suicide by vampire. Death pointless and arbitrary. A Roman slayer choosing to die in the bath - her wrists slit - as befits a patrician rather than support the burden any longer. A Spanish slayer burnt by the Inquisition as a heretic and a witch. A Jewish slayer gassed in a camp. So many slayers killed by their own watchers: some turned and put down; some in that stupid test; others so badly injured they couldn't heal and the battle demanded a new slayer. So many that died alone and desperate. So many with the death wish. I felt myself kill the Chinese slayer, felt my own neck break in a subway train.

Worst of all Buffy.

The Master's fangs and the murky water. Angel's fangs taking me close to death. The energy draining me as the light swirled around me.

The peace I hadn't had with the other deaths. Something different.

I could move finally. In theory anyway. At least I could wipe my face.

In the distance I could see Giles and the shaman. Good job too. It was getting very dark and the hippos were getting ready to get out of the water. I read my Lonely Planet before coming over - most dangerous animal in Africa. No way was this boy staying here much longer. "Ah Spike how are you?"

"Fully empathised, totally full, can't take too much more right now. Need a fag actually too." So I light up and it works its magic.

"Good, pleased to hear it. Sorry, know it was hardly pleasant. But we have a bit of a situation."

Then she appears, literally. "Anyanka?"

******************

Her face was still veiney from apparating and she looked at both Giles and me. "That's good, both of you in the same place, that should save us some time."

Giles was looking at me with an expression I couldn't fathom. And I pride myself on fathoming expressions. What he did say was mundane but welcome. "Lets all go back to the landrover. Samuel has a fire lit and we can talk safely."

So we walked back to the vehicle. The moon had risen, but it was full and the humans as well as myself and the demon could all see clearly. The hyenas were cackling in the background. I could hear the sounds of a Bob Marley tape coming from the car radio, and could see the welcome glow of a fire with 4 camp stools around it. Somebody knew we'd be having company.

The Shamen comes up. Congratulates me. "A good solid A. It would have been an A+ but you missed the point of the lion hunt. Impatience is a fault of all sides of your being. But I think it's such a part of your personality we may need to do lots more work on that. But we have time in future I think. At the moment we have a guest."

Giles grabbed me by the scruff of my neck. "You knew! You knew she was a demon again."

I'm fed up of people doing that. "Well, it got a bit obvious. A couple of times actually."

"We copulated."

Why is there never a stake around when you want to fall on one?

"We were both dumped, depressed and completely and utterly hammered when it happened. Not that it wasn't very good of course."

"I had many orgasms. He is much bigger than Xander."

Can you die of embarrassment? I think I might and Giles has steam coming out his ears. Steam, mm? Not blushing, steam.

"I should have known to stick to men not boys after our quickie under the counter when we were engaged and amnesiac. It's just so much better, when they know what to do with it."

He let go of me. Explains a few things.

Great I shagged Step-Mum. My un-life as a Jerry Springer special continues apace. Not only am I in love with a girl still screwed-up by my own grand-sire, have a family more interbred than a hillbilly, said beloved walks in on me shagging Step-Mum, with Step-Mum's ex-git. "Giles?"

"We had amnesia! Decided to keep quiet about it so nobody got hurt. I was leaving, we were both horrified about betraying Xander even if we were innocent of any intent to do so. It's why I couldn't bear to come to the wedding. I'm sorry about that Anya. I wish I had. Even if it hurt. Maybe I could have knocked some sense into the boy. Got him to behave like a man."

"Not holding my breath on that last point mate."

"Why didn't you tell me you changed back? Or come to talk to me about it first"

"I sent you an e-mail!"

"There is no phones for miles let alone internet cafes! Why didn't you talk to me? I thought we trusted each other."

"We do. It was straight after the wedding and the only person I had to talk to was D'Hoffryn. So - Me."

"Spike?"

"Hey, back up. Doing the right thing there I was. Left the wedding before it all went to pot. Buffy was hurting seeing me there. So did the right thing. Sorry Anya.I would have stayed if I had known. Would have done me best. Didn't even know about it until much later. Nobody keeps me in the loop."

Watcher-boy visibly gets himself back together. Cleans his glasses. Rubs the bridge of his nose, and switches from soap opera character to watcher.

"Anya, not that I'm not delighted to see you. Though I would prefer you hadn't felt it necessary to return to being a vengeance demon. You made a wonderful human being. Why were you looking for Spike and myself?"

"It's Tara. She's dead. Warren shot her. Oh, and Buffy too - but she got better."

I thought that with all the crying I had done in the last hours I was all cried out. I was wrong. My eyes were already raw and gritty but I filled up again. It hurt. On all levels.

"No! No. no. I never should have left."

"Told you that!"

"And as I told you I had to. If I hadn't we would all be on our way to joining poor Tara. Witches are in danger too. They aren't pure enough humans! Not for those bigots. Though I think those serving the conspirators' may survive as little more than slaves."

"OK, you had to go. Get it. Take it they were who you were scrying on - not whatever crap was going down back home."

"Correct. We have time. They aren't ready to move yet. But not much time."

"Time to give Glinda her due though?"

"Of course. We all need to."

We sat around the fire, under the bright huge moon the good witch had loved so much.

"She, she was kind to me. That summer. She patched me up after the tower. She talked to me. Like a person.

"She was of all of us an innocent."

"Remember the prescription medication remark on that peppy vamp?"

"Doubt I'll ever forget, not with nearly being strangled at the time!"

"A laugh and deep fried peppy vamp - it was class! Remember bopping her on the nose, and she was sweet about it."

"It was to help her, but she was sweet. You missed the Grr Argg puppet she gave me when I left Sunnydale the first time. Adorable"

Anyanka joined in. "She was the only one of the girls that made the effort after Xander deserted me. She left messages on the Magic Box answer-phone wanting to know how I was - not asking me to listen to Him."

"Teased me with a twinkle in her eyes. Not drop of a sneer or malice."

"Treated me with some respect, and actually recognised I knew what I was talking about."

"The only one of my bridesmaids that actually helped me with my vows, not that it mattered in the end."

The Shaman handed all of us a beer from the cooler. Under a black velvet sky, the stars clear and bright, we raised our beers to "Tara". The 3 of us.- the vengeance demon, the watcher and the vampire all came together in a tight hug. It was a silent one. It lasted a long time. It helped.

In silence the music segued from Exodus to the haunting refrain of Redemption Song.

Won't you help me sing, these songs of freedom: Is All I ever had, Redemption Songs, All I ever had, Redemption songs.

Anyanka broke the silence. "Willow has also gone mad with grief and black magic. She froze me in place, bitch! Stole from the Magic Box - AGAIN! Tortured and incinerated the nerd that killed Tara. D'Hoffryn was right to offer her a job though. She was very creative.

She almost killed people on a bus pursuing Warren. Dented Xander - and he's mine to deal with! - in chasing the other nerds. Buffy and Xander have taken the other two away from the police as they can't protect them from Willow. Buffy still thinks its wrong to kill humans, and as the other two haven't, she thinks she has to protect them. Pfft."

"She can't bring herself to hurt Red right?"

"No. I could but none of them will make the wish needed. You could."

"But won't. No way, never again, it'd hurt Buffy too much. Not going there. But between us we should be able to knock some sense into Red."

"Won't work. She's lousy with black magic, won't let anyone close enough to talk and won't even listen to her beloved best friend in all the world."

"Big gun's gone all screwy."

"Mmm. I wonder. Big Gun. Samuel would you?"

"Of course Rupert. But I can only leave the Valley now for up to 24 hours. The Mother likes to be close to home." The Shamen chimed in.

"Rupert?"

"Buffy once called Willow her big gun. Well the closest analogy for Samuel is a cruise missile. You know - the kind that turns right at traffic lights."

"Guess we better go and save the day then."

*******************

Of course then some vigorous debate ensued on how to get there. I mean not short of options here. Road and good old British Airways, vengeance demon powered wish travel, and spells. Don't like magic much. Always wanted to try a window seat, plus duty-frees. After the last couple of hours I'm almost out of fags and in dire need of a good smoke.

I got overruled. Get the speed factor - it's the risk of being turned into a stink beetle bit I've never been keen on. Dru did it once playing with mojo. Not one of the best weeks I've ever had.

The shaman refused to travel by wish. Mother wouldn't approve. So spells it was. Isn't that always the way.

I get the day-pacs out of the landrover - seem to have been allotted sherpa duty in this scenario. Shaman gets with the chanting - and presto perfectly camouflaged landrover. More chanting - synchronised with Giles this time - and some sparkly powder and presto Magic Box.

It was empty of people and looked like a vandal horde had been through it. So that accounts for Willow and Buffy.

Giles and Anya shot up the stairs to see what of the heavy stuff had gone. Shaman did some meditating stuff. I checked out the weapons. Picked up a few throwing knives in case I need distance. Wish I had the shotgun here. Giles really has to bring the weapons chest into the 20th century at least. Not asking for the 21st. Added a nice axe, grabbed the last bag of blood in the small fridge. Hit the spot. It was old but I'm gonna need to be in full control, and don't know when I'll eat again. Really don't want to have to kill the witch, especially after the last few hours, but might have to. Ironic much huh?

Giles and Anya came down looking well pissed off. They were also carrying some powders, amulets and books. Books - what a surprise. It was - most of them seemed to have lost the words from the vellum. Take it that is not good, judging by their faces. If it were just Anya I might think she was just pissed off about losing valuable possessions, but both she and the watcher look a bit scared, as well as determined. A scared vengeance demon - now I am officially, as Buffy would say, wigged.

Shaman looks up. "I have found the dark witch. She has a great deal of her own power, but also that of another. One as dark but more controlled."

"Rack, gotta be."

Giles starts at the name. "He's here?"

"You know him? Must be. Red got in with him. Did something to her. She got totally off her head and bust Nibblet's arm."

"Nobody told me Rack was involved. I would have come .. no I couldn't - but I would have ensured he was dealt with. Anya? Why didn't you tell me about him."

"Xander never told me. Nobody ever criticises perfect Willow to the ex-demon. No its all Willow is addicted, poor Willow, we have to help her not call her on stealing our memories or anything."

"Know how you feel luv. Couldn't do anything myself - human. Tried to warn Buffy - but same story as you pet. How do you know him."

"He was an acolyte of Ethan for a while after I left him. Was into mind trip magic rather than power. Bad stuff, damages the users and opens them to worse. Not like real magic, that's not addicting - that's rot. Willow already opened that door in herself in re-souling Angel. I told myself her natural sweetness could stop her sliding into darkness. I was deluding myself. The rot was already there. We've all seen it. Or been blinded. Should have stopped it when she threatened me."

"Umm…how are going to do that now?" Enquiring minds wanna know.

Anya starts putting amulets round our necks. "These are protective against black magic, but allow protective and healing spells on the users. Very valuable - don't damage them."

"Samuel, are you ready?" He was, and starting making motions and yet more bloody chants. If I hear much more chanting I'm going to think I'm a monk - and lets face it - not exactly suited for that as a lifestyle.

Once this was finished Giles picked up his crossbow, and a sword. Anya was packing the powders which apparently stunned, confused and induced sleep. She was also carrying a blindfold, chains and a ball-gag. Mm. hadn't noticed any toys in the basement must keep 'em upstairs. Plus she gave us the how to make effective wishes to vengeance demons lecture - so they don't result in your own painful and protracted demise. Precision is the key apparently.

Rupert and I looked at each other and almost simultaneously said,

"Once more unto the breach dear friends".

******************* We were walking up to the cemetery somewhat in the style of The Good the Bad and the Ugly, but a lot more attractive. When my little girl runs up to us, with a lop-eared friend in toe.

"Nibblet! What the hell are you doing here."

She grabbed hold of me crying. "Spike, you came home. I knew you wouldn't leave us. Even when Xander was saying some really horrible things about you I knew you wouldn't hurt us, and you'd never leave us. Buffy said you'd both had a misunderstanding, but he kept saying such horrible things. He wouldn't listen to me, it was so yuk."

I just held her close in a big hug. She's got even taller in the short time I was away, she's gonna catch me up soon. Hasn't even sunk in that its daytime and I'm not on fire she's in such a state. "I'm here, it's all right. Sorry Nibblet, had a mission to attend to. Left a message with Clem here that I'd be back. No way would I leave you both. Had to get some things fixed. Did more than I bargained for but it's worth it. Good to see you in sunlight. Looking good Pidge."

"God, Spike I hadn't even… It's a good look. I like, I very like. And Giles, you're back! I missed you. We all did so much. Don't think it would have all gone so screwy if you'd been here."

"People keep saying that Dawn. It's nice to know. Wish we didn't have to find out."

"What are you doing here pet? Not safe."

"I want to help stop Willow."

"It's too dangerous. I won't be able to protect you. Clem! I told you to keep an eye on her. Stop her getting into trouble. This isn't it! Take her to the crypt. There's weapons there…if the worst comes to the worst."

"I had to move all your stuff to my place. Sophie has a dust allergy."

"Great, just great."

"We did run all your stuff through the washing machine though. Boy were some of those stains tough to get out."

"Wait 'til we try the Africa clobber. Thanks, but we gotta get Nibblet to safety. Take her to the Magic Box, there's still a good selection of weapons in the back. We'll handle Red. Can't do that worrying about you two."

She was still holding on to me for dear life, but nodding. Giles handed Clem a key. When what worthless git should turn up but the whelp.

"Get away from her you animal. Brought more evil demons to torment us I see. Giles? What are you doing with that scum? Ooh it's the ho, careful Giles she'll be after you too, or maybe Oz. That's right isn't it ho? You go for the demons."

Nobody upsets Nibblet, hurts Anya, hurts and really pisses off Giles and I'm sick of his self-righteous bigotry. Never could stand hypocritical bigots. Ate lots of Nazis in WW2 for that reason and hey demon but still English.

"Anyanka, I wish that Xander Harris is only able to speak to say something pleasant."

She went all veiney and "Wish Granted." Whelp's mouth was opening and shutting like a fish, but nothing came out. Mm… "The Sound of Silence". I was never a Simon and Garfunkel fan but this was just neat, and such an improvement.

I sent Nibblet and Clem off to the relative safety of the Magic Box and the four of us continued on to the cemetery.

Monkey boy follows along. Being both thick and unpleasant he hasn't managed to say a word. But comes out swinging a punch towards me. I grab the fist and squeeze. Now this is where the old me would have loved popping the bones out of that particular fist and turning it to paste. Don't have an urge to do that. Don't feel anything forcing me to kiss it better either. Like this neutral business. Free Will that the way to go - in both senses. But the idiot is delaying us and that could be bad.

"Anyanka, I wish that any pain or injury Xander Harris inflicts or attempts to inflict be felt by him times three."

Veiney. "Wish Granted." A bloke could get used to this. The look in the whelp's face was priceless. I let go of the fist.

We get to the cemetery. Buffy was busy fighting some demons. They looked just like the one the witch incinerated when she bust Nibblet's arm. Buffy's even thinner, but still poetry in lethal motion. Red is up on a ledge overlooking the cemetery. Her eyes are black like they were in the gas station, when we were on the run from Glory, but now so is her hair and even her lips. I don't think there are many geese wandering around Kensal Green Cemetery but one definitely just wandered over my grave.

The Shaman started chanting. Giles nodded to me agreeing to my unspoken intention to help Buffy with the demons. Anya faced Giles and they rested their foreheads together just for a moment. The Whelp looked sick and tore off towards Red.

Giles made a wish to Anyanka that any pain or injury Willow Rosenberg tried to inflict would rebound on her times three. It was granted. I used the throwing knives on the demons - thinning the herd for Buffy.

A web of what looked like white lightening shot towards Red from the Shaman. She tried to counter with red energy bolts towards us but they consumed her instead. She was screaming but still fighting. She summoned more demons around us this time. The whelp was screaming to her that he loved her and would be there for her. She wasn't paying a blind bit of notice to him but continued to summon demons.

I got busy with the old slice and dice. Once I was through with Red's presents I could see the white lightening leaching the black from Red's hair and lips. Her eyes were still as black as obsidian. She launched a fireball at us but it rebounded back to her. It didn't burn her, as she must have some shielding spells up - explaining why Buffy couldn't get at her - but it did enclose her in flame.

The Shaman now did some arm waving stuff and as her eyes returned to green her shields went down. She was screaming at Buffy that it was all her fault and she's put her back in the ground. Giles turned to Anyanka and wished Willlow Rosenberg would lose her voice until he allowed her to talk again. She granted it and Red fell silent.

She wasn't finished yet. The Whelp was still crying out to her that it would be all right, everything forgiven, as he loved her. Yeah, don't you just love a double standard? She looked at him and he flew backwards knocking himself out.

Giles and the shaman were chanting together now and the witch was visibly weakening. The way she was looking at us made my skin crawl and I got brought up with the amusements of Darla, Angelus and Dru. But she was now starting to look frightened as her magic no longer responded to her control. Looks like the boys have bound it - or dam close.

Anyanka and I ran towards her as the boys continued to chant. Buffy killed the last of her demons and joined us, shouting to us not to kill Willow. Anyanka blew the powders into Red's face and she started to topple to the ground. She took the blindfold and I took the chains. I yelled to Buffy that we weren't gonna kill Willow and she held her while I did the chaining. Anyanka finally applied the ball-gag. I think she enjoyed that after all the little put-downs over the years.

I could still hear Giles and the Shaman chanting and could feel Red going into a deep state of unconsciousness under the chains. The boys came up still chanting and she finally went completely under. Finally I could breathe - metaphorically speaking of course.

"Spike, you're all non-flamey!"

" Had a re-tune luv. Good/Evil-wise. Courtesy of the Shaman here. Not evil anymore. Free of it, feels great. You don't have to worry about any urges for evil plotting anymore. Not flammable either. Get to go to the beach too. No more blanket, which is great coz bit old for carrying a blanket around. Never did like feeling like a Peanuts character - though that Snoopy was ok. Charlie Brown was a wuss though."

"You gave him a soul?"

"Why do you place such a weight on "having a soul""?

"You can't love without a soul!"

"Did Spike love you before he went away?"

"Yes, but that doesn't count! It can't!"

"Does your sister love you?"

"Of course. She means everything to me. She's all I have! And what's that got to do with anything."

"Your sister has no soul."

Buffy's jaw dropped in a floor wards direction.

"And you came back with the most important part of yours missing."

*******************

"Your soul is fractured. Most is this side of death but the best part remains on the other side. Anya here tells me that the spell to resurrect you was interrupted. Your mind and body came back initially without any problems other than the whole digging yourself out of your coffin thing. But you left that which enables you to feel love and connections on the other side.

The lack of this is killing you. Literally. Your body and mind are consuming themselves trying to make up the loss. Look at you - nothing more than skin and bone."

"Told you to eat something!"

"Shut up Spike," said Buffy.

"No, done doing that. So Shaman, Rupert what are we gonna do about it?"

"Fix it Spike, don't we always," from the watcher. Silence from the shaman.

But first retreat from the crime scene. Even in Sunnydale it's not exactly smart to hang around too long at the site of multiple explosions, bloodshed and bodies. Wonder how much they pay the cleaners to clear up all the dead demons 'round here? Great now I've got mental pictures of a Sunnydale Tony Soprano buying a new Merc on the back on all our patrolling.

So back to the Magic Box. Whelp won't let anyone else touch Red so he gets to carry her.

As the Watcher and Anya walk their fingers keep brushing against each other. They seem to get some comfort from it. I'm happy for them. Hope they can work something out. He's worth 10 times the whelp. Won't let her down. Hope they can get past the demon thing. Won't be easy, but I think they could be happy together. Want them to be. Drunken, comfort, fling aside Anya's a friend and I want the best for her. He could well be it. Poor sod deserves some happiness too after taking all this grief the last few years. She'd be good for him.

My beloved is quite a different matter. She hasn't said a word since the Shaman said his piece. Holding herself like she's freezing. I stop and put my coat around her shoulders. Massive eyes looking shocked, but there is a hint of gratitude coming through.

It helps to know what's wrong. Still hurts. But it does help.

Clem opens the door to the Magic Box and we all go back inside. Both him and Dawn put down the weapons they were holding. Dawn enfolds Buffy in a massive hug, saying how happy she is we are all in one piece - even Willow. With my coat swamping her and Dawn getting so tall it's difficult to see her. But she's still standing at least.

"Watcher, what are we going to do with Red. She's fine and dandy now but…"

Shaman pipes up. "I will take her. Her magic is bound through me. I can control her until she can be trusted to do it herself. The Mother may be able to help her.

And Rupert, you told me this is the one that loved to teach and is intelligent enough to do so. My people are rich in many things, but very poor in others. The school has over 120 children of all ages and one teacher. It's got a roof, which is more than some, but very few resources and so much need. She could also learn much, most of all some humility. But she can also make some reparation by helping the children. She will be away from all the comforts and temptations she knows. It will be good for her to see a very different world.

It will also be easier too for all here if she goes away for a while, I think. Rupert if you will release her voice whilst she remains unconscious I will place a binding on it so she can never use it for magic or to try to leave the village, unless I allow it."

"But what about the hotels? She could hitch a lift to the American Consul and be back and more pissed off than ever. She can also drive." Definitely don't wanna have to do this again soon.

"She will be under a magical compulsion that will stop her making any attempt to leave. I have a great deal of influence locally. The authorities and local tourist companies won't be a problem. These can all be placed on her while she is out, but are delicate and I will need somewhere quieter to do so."

"The training room should be free. "Xander take her into there," ordered the watcher. Don't think anyone wants to look at her right now anyway. Whelp manages to say. "I'll stay with her. I love her." The rest of what would undoubtedly be a rant is mercifully muted. Might not be formally evil anymore but it warms the cockles of my un-beating heart to watch his mouth move and no sound come out.

We put the weapons and powders down, take off the amulets and have a well earned sit down. Clem puts the kettle on. He makes a good cuppa. That's hard to find this side of the pond. But at least Giles and Anya always keep good tea and that always helps.

"So Giles we gonna sort Buffy now?"

She looks up from Dawn's hug. Dawn moves her to the table and sits her down. "Molecular sunburn, molecule shift, nothing wrong. Tara said. I've not come back wrong. I haven't. Please, Giles tell me I haven't."

"If Samuel says it's the case, you did. I'm sorry Buffy but I have never known Samuel to be wrong, not on matters like this, and certainly not since he became the Guardian." He hugged her quickly and continued. "Tara was a lovely young woman and a talented witch, but her knowledge compared to Samuel's is like a 1st grader compared to a professor at Harvard. He's right, but we'll fix it. It's what we're always here to do - now that sounds familiar. Nobody has summoned any dancing demons have they?"

Rousing chorus of no.

So research.

Lots of research, helped enormously by epic amounts of tea and the return of the shaman. Buffy was visibly returning closer to the normal she'd been since she came back. She didn't let go of Dawn and kept looking at her. Think a few worldviews were getting changed. Hope so for her own sake as well as mine.

Between the shaman. Giles and Anya it didn't take that long.

"The spell called to Osiris. Looking at the Egyptian model of the soul we seem to be missing the Ba."

"The bit I'm missing is a human headed bird? Weird much Giles."

"Metaphor luv. Represents feeling"

"Thank you oh William - Raider of the Lost Crypt! Where's the fedora?"

"Umm… Giles bag actually."

"Ok now I know I'm back in the asylum - no that place made some sense."

"The artefact we need was part of the treasure found with Tutankamun."

"So off to an old bazaar in Cairo then?"

"More of an wonderfully well filled with artefacts museum. Fortunately, one of the curators and I were on the same course at Oxford together. Introduced him to his wife as well. I'm sure he'll lend it to me. Be good to see Cairo again."

"Why don't we just wish it here or summon it or something. Summoning would be of the good," from Buffy.

Even I know you don't do that to such potent magical artefacts. Not that it's not a tempting thought. I mean I haven't even been back to Clem's yet to pick up some clean clothes. Could do with some clean socks.

"Not possible Buffy."

"So you are leaving me again! For my own good! Irony much Giles?

"Oh no. You and Spike will both be coming too."

Now we both look gob-smacked.

************

"So not wanting to leave Dawn right now."

"Buffy, it's important she stays here. We really need to maintain a semblance of normality here. It's only because we won't be able to take the statuette out of the museum for more than a few hours that mean you have to be there. If you don't come you will die. That's not an option."

"Too bloody right on that one. Come on luv it'll be fun, and we'll get you all sorted."

"Why is it all so important things look the same here. It's always quiet in the summer for some reason."

"Over to you Rupert."

"We'll fill you in later when you are back to yourself." Probably a very good decision - don't want a ballistic Slayer on our hands right now. And if know my girl we are talking Apollo X111 here. Course my little girl isn't too happy either.

"But I want to go too. Soooo not fair!"

"It should only be a couple of days - max. Besides Nibblet somebody has to look after Miss Kitty."

"Clem could! He's nice."

"Sorry, Dawn. Love to help but can't. Sophie's allergic, and I'm also trying to give up the kitties. Promised her you know. It's hard, they don't make patches for it."

Watcher takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. Was over-due I guess… Or stressed. "Xander can stay with you for a couple of days. I'm sure Clem and Sophie will be happy to pop in too."

"Of course. Actually come round for dinner tomorrow. It's goulash, and she's a dab hand with the paprika. Sophie would love to see more of you."

"Ok, guess I don't have much of a choice do I."

"Nope pet."

"But. Presents! I get presents right?"

"Too right you do pidge. Loadsa presents. But not gonna tell you what…ruins the surprise."

"You can help us all Dawn. Could you go with Buffy and help her pack for a couple of days?" Cleaning glasses so working up to something.

"Sure, happy to."

"Buffy. Please pack some smart clothes that cover your arms and legs, and well pretty much the rest" Ok spoil my fun. "Also Dawn I think Tara had some, well, more baggy clothes, and probably headscarfs, please put those in." Yep definitely out to spoil the view. But understand why. Judging by the glare from a pair of huge hazel eyes a certain Slayer doesn't.

"You're choosing my clothes now! Controlling much!"

"Practicality. I know you have CNN. I hope you are watching it. It's a volatile time in the region. Most Egyptians are lovely people, had some great times there. But there are fundamentalists who've killed westerners before, and in a handkerchief and leather trousers you will be too much of an attractive target. Also it is their culture and we should be sensitive to it. If a headscarf and some more covering clothes make you less hassled walking about you'll also have a much more enjoyable time. Plus we don't want anyone recognising you, or Spike…so he'll be in the hat."

Bugger, bugger, and double bugger. Planning to lose the dam thing. Hate it when watcher boy is right too.

"This once, and taking a lot on trust here!" At which both my girls left to go pack. Fortunately Clem offered to take my bag back and do a sock, shirts and jeans change for me. Clean socks - can't beat the feeling.

Which left us to deal with the whelp.

Rupert and I went into the training room. Red was lying out to the world in a ring of candles and chalk sigils. Whelp was sitting on a mat head in his hands.

Watcher took a deep breath. "Xander, we need you to stay with Dawn for a couple of days. Buffy needs to come with us or we will all lose her again."

Lights on, face red with fury, mouth moving, but nothing coming out.

"Look you complete waste of sperm! Grow up! Get over yourself! Cut the crap 'coz nobody is interested in what passes for thoughts in what you laughingly call a brain." Ok not exactly Mr Tact. But not evil anymore not blind.

Whelp manages to get something out. "Love Dawn, I'll keep an eye on her b…" then the bile rises again.

"You know Harris I could still make that wish Anya was musing about. The one where you get ritually flayed and your still beating heart is pulled from your chest." Gotta love a girl with a sense of poetic irony." Or there is the one where you get deposited on a Pylean maggot heap… or to return to the classics Sisyphus and the food and drink forever out of reach would make a nice change from having to watch you stuff your face with your mouth open. My mother taught me better manners than that" (actually it was Nanny but I ain't saying that round the whelp).

"Spike! Not helping."

"Sorry, Rupert. Not evil, but still me you know. Not gonna do it…probably. Unless driven to it."

"Understandable after those comments earlier. But if we could get back to the task in hand."

Whelp says "Willow? What's going to happen with Willow." Glad to see he finally realises he has to play along.

Rupert told him. I was wrong. Some people just don't get things even when they are spelt out in words of very few syllables. But at least it means quiet. With those sigils he can't touch Red and he will look after Nibblet. Glad Clem will be keeping an eye out too though.

We went back into the main room, and Giles visibly breathed easier. Must be hard. Know it is.

"So we flyin' or what? And does Buffy even have a passport, know most yanks don't. Certainly don't have the right visas in my passport."

"She has one provided by the COW, which she doesn't know about. But I don't want to use it. It will cause alarms to go off, which is the last thing we want. If she has one of her own it would still raise alarms. Mine also possibly…but less so. You have a passport?"

"Yeah, 'course. Dead but still mobile, countrywise. Hate these new ones though. Wrong bloody colour!"

"I know. Burgundy! Hmpf. Only proper ones are blue. Guess we're both showing our age."

"As the oldest here I also have the solution", piped up the unusually quiet vengeance demon. Guess all the relationship woes are still tying her up in knots too.

"Make a wish either of you, for each of you and Buffy to hold a mzukshem."

"Uh?"

"Vengeance demons often assume identities to grant wishes. For the last century at least we've needed identity and travel papers that pass any scrutiny or inspection. It's a real pain in the butt. Hence the mzukshem. They show whatever identity you want, always have all the right stamps, and change at will."

"Know what you mean luv. The number of border guards I've had to eat over the years. Hungry or not, just to avoid the bloody form filling. Not that I'd do it now, course. Any preference which of us does the wishing? We ain't gonna run out of wishes are we, coz give us some warning."

"Both of you have so much pain I…you won't run out. I wish you could. Wish later for a portal to Cairo. But no preference, just get on with it."

So I do and bingo. Shiny new (actually battered looking for authenticity) passport. My real name, a not too bad photo and a dramatically different birth-date. One for Giles and Buffy too, both under false names.

Giles didn't want to call his mate in Cairo from the Magic Box in case of bugs. I mean I think they found 'em all, felt like it anyway. Said he'd do it from the hotel. Anya got on the computer and booked the Hilton Cairo, nice and central. Might have gone back to demonhood but still good with the net.

Giles, Anyanka and the shaman had a long discussion about the spell he'd have to perform. In the meantime I popped 'round to the butchers for a well-earned meal and some takeaway for the trip.

When I got back they had finished and the shaman opened a portal back to Tanzania. We hugged him and he told Rupert and me to bring Buffy back to see him after we had restored her. Said he had seen a number of failed epiphanies on her aura and his wasn't going to be wasted.

The Shaman carried the unconscious, chained and magically bound Red back through the portal. I could see the landrover and the lake with its flamingos shimmering in the background as they went through. Hope he can help her. Helped me, must be hope.

Whelp had come to see Red off with tears coursing down his face. Then he just slumped in a corner.

Clem returned with my clean clobber. He's turned out to be a good mate. Lucky there. Buffy and Dawn arrived much later. Since most of her wardrobe wasn't in the running for the trip think they must have spent most of the time talking. Good, she's been ignoring the bit for too long. Both were pissed off to have missed Red but I promised Buffy she'd see her soon, and I just hugged Dawn 'til she calmed down.

Anyanka had to leave. She had a job come through from D'Hoffryn. Charming London girl cruelly dumped by cheating LA journalist for a Slovakian slut. Anyanka looked quite chipper at the prospects of some really juicy vengeance, but still looked like she'd prefer to be with Rupert under some starry minarets and pyramids.

Giles looked so torn at seeing her off to do that, when all he clearly wanted to do was hold her. Know how he feels.

Before she left I did the wish and she opened a portal to Cairo.

********** I took Giles and my bags. Buffy, as ever, insisted on doing things the hard way and carried her own. Then all three of us went through the portal to Cairo.

It was night in Cairo. Anyanka had been considerate. We were in an empty alley beside the Hilton and just over the road from the Egyptian museum. Points to the demon for sound planning.

We went through the heavy doors and the porters relieved us of the bags. There were swarms of 'em. Can't be many tourists about. Not surprising really, things being as they are news-wise.

So check-in. Two twin rooms, and I'm sharing with Giles? Well back to the Odd Couple. What happens when Anyanka comes back? I saw her face, she'll be back. Bawdy french farce? Room hopping? It's not a Jerry Springer eppy anymore it's gonna be more of a "When did you last see your trousers" West End Farce. But all in all it's probably for the best. Buffy and me, we gotta lot to sort out. Got to get her fixed too. Can't dive back into the maelstrom. Not if we're gonna make something real out of this. Something whole, something not agonisingly painful. Well, we're gonna do it, and if I have to share a room with watcher-boy that's a small price to pay.

10 minutes later watching him sorting out his laundry and cataloguing his travel battered laundry before sending it down for cleaning, I reserve the right to change my mind on the whole it's worth it bit.

He had to make some calls to his mate. So I knock on the room next door and invite Buffy down to get a drink and some food. She can't have eaten much today, and it's been a hard one for all of us. We all desperately need some sleep, but I know none of us, or the others back in Sunnyhell are gonna sleep easy tonight. A nice drink, and if I can get her to eat something should help both of us sleep a bit better.

She surprises me. She comes down. She's had a shower and changed clothes into a peasant blouse. Thankfully not that foul purple one. She looks knackered, far too thin, and still a bit shell-shocked but a bit more at peace than she's been since she came back. At least she knows now what's wrong with her now, I guess.

I order a nice cold draught beer. Not quite "Ice Cold in Alex" but bloody welcome none the less. She has a diet coke. I insist she needs building up, and remind her she's wasting away, and could she at least have a fat coke. She surprises me again. She doesn't fight and agrees. Good! Real coke tastes better anyway. I get us both some nice fat chips. She orders an omelette. At least it's not rabbit food.

Then, silence. You know. The sort when there is so much to say that neither of you know where to start. There's lots to look at though. The hotel overlooks the Corniche - the road by the Nile - and the bar had a great view of it. Course it's night so the river is just a pitch black ribbon with the skyscrapers mingling with the minarets. So we both admire the view. Its' changed since I was here last. No skyscrapers last time. Hopefully not so many mummies this time either. Can well agree with that bloke with the floppy hair in The Mummy - I hate mummies.

We are rescued from having to discuss "the relationship" by Giles joining us with a beer. Just this once I don't think I'm up to it. Give me a good nights kip first. Been through some stuff. He looks parched for it as well. What a couple of days! He slumps into the comfy chair and sups up.

"Calls and laundry all sorted mate?" Not going back 'til they are.

"Thankfully. I am meeting Khalid tomorrow morning at 11 at the museum, and the concierge assures me I should look presentable by then."

"So, no problems with getting the statue then?"

"Not that fast, you know that. Not the way things are done here. We'll talk about that tomorrow, not right now. You should both be able to see something of the town in the meantime."

"I never thought I would ever see abroad. Died twice and still never left the US of A. I can't believe I'm here. Will Willow be OK? Can your friend really help her? Not that I'm not grateful for all that you all did to help us with her. I thought…I thought…I thought I'd have to kill her. I'm still not sure I could have. Not again! It's all my fault. If I'd taken things seriously…Tara." She burst into tears. Thankfully even a travel-worn Giles always carries a hanky.

Giles gathers her up in a big fatherly hug. I want to do it. I was good at soothing Dru. But an easily distractible lovely loon can be easily hushed with promises of treats and kisses. Haven't had much experience with humans. People didn't hug when I was one, not the done thing at all. I mean I'm better than I was after the practice with Nibblet. But it's less complicated coming from him, and he's making all the right shushing noises. So I order us all some more drinks.

He's holding her hands and saying all the right words I wanna say to her. God, this hurts. "Willow will be fine, eventually. Samuel is the ideal person to help her. He helped me after Eyghon. And that was before he even became the Guardian. He's helped Spike here too. If he can help him…"

"OY!"

"Sorry. I think she still has some good left in her, so I am sure he can reach her. I'm sorry you had to go through that. We all miss Tara. She was a lovely and gentle soul. It's not your fault she died. You didn't kill her. An evil person did. We can't control others, even if Willow tried. We can only be liable for our own acts. We all made mistakes and we'll all make further ones. But, we are only human."

"OY"

"Sorry, fallible? Fallible beings. We all underestimated the danger. We all bear some guilt."

"Do an all pet. Feels horrible too. Not used to it yet. Does anyone get used to it?"

"No, but we learn to live with it. Or un-live in your case."

"So, Buffy. I'm glad you didn't have to kill her for your own sake. I know what it would do you. But you didn't have to. We're here for you. All of us. Now blow your nose. Eat up and drink your coke."

"Yeah, we can see the treasures of King Tut tomorrow right? And get Nibblet some prezzies. Souk shopping…much more fun than a boring old mall any day. Biggest souk in the world if I remember right."

"Yeah, shoppage. That'd be nice. But money?"

"No worries pet. All changed into the local stuff. Dollars go a long way here too. All above board too, so no fussin'. Sup up it'll be a long but fun one tomorrow"

So we ate, drank, watched the deep black of the Nile, and had a well-earned kip. Or at least I tried to. Hope Anyanka doesn't mind the snoring. It was muffled from the bathtub. In the next bed…and with vamp hearing. Major karma points to the blond un-chipped vampire! Time was anyone snoring like that would be just asking to get eaten or worse. But to have somebody sleep soundly knowing you could tear their throat or tongue out, it's a good feeling.

So I forebear. Quite proud of meself really.

But tomorrow should be fun.

***************** All three of us headed off to the museum straight after a nice big breakfast. Since it was just over the road we were able to linger over brekky. It was nice. Even got to read the morning papers. Very civilised. Only a minor dispute with Giles over who got The Times first over the Tribune.

"Mm. 50 centuries of recorded history. Can't you just feel it." Honestly if history was an addictive substance you'd think Watcher-Boy had just done a couple of lines of Colombia's finest.

"Last time I went to a museum an Inca Mummy Girl tried to suck the life out of Xander."

"And you stopped her!" You try resisting that one.

"Spike! Trying to be conversation girl here. We did sort of get out of the habit."

"I know. I missed it. Wasn't for lack of me trying though. But…peace, pet. Tell me about it." So she did. Whelp certainly always has been a demon magnet. Still think she should have let the preying mantis have him. But then again… No. Definitely no propagation of the Harris genes should be permitted, for the sake of the future of any species.

"Know what you mean though luv. Hate mummies. Nasty buggers. Especially the flesh eaters. Yuk. Don't wanna come across any of them again in this un-life."

"With both your histories in mind then, please avoid the Mummy Room. We really don't want to have to do any slaying, or cause an international incident. Low profile. Do the tourist thing. I need to go and see a couple of old dig friends here before my appointment with Khalid. If I don't I'll never hear the end of it. Besides there are some other things we need, that they can provide. So I'll either see you back at the hotel or I'll leave a message in the room. If you have to leave do the same. Enjoy."

So...here we are…together. In what can only be described as the biggest, most stuffed warehouse of ancient Egyptian artefacts on the planet. Not exactly where anyone would probably put us for a "date" after everything that's gone on maybe.

It works though. There's so much to see we don't have to have "the talk". You can tell it's coming though. Like thunder you can taste it in the air. But always been one to make the most of the moment. This is definitely taking me back to museum visiting with Mama and my youngest sister Lizzie. They both loved the British Museum and we used to go regular. So know something about all this, and what I don't know, or remember, is on the notices by the objects.

I tell Buffy about that. She's so stumped at the thought of me having a family, and one that enjoyed going to museums, that she's silent from the proto-dynastic period right through to the Old Kingdom.

We sit down in front of a pair of incredibly lifelike full size statues. Rahotep and Nofret, it says. Prince of Egypt and his wife at the time of the building of the pyramids, and still together. Thousands of years together wouldn't be enough, but I'd take one year as a start. Blindingly white kilt for him, and long white robe for her. Think I'll stick to the leather. Hiding her hair under a wig. No more hiding, not for either of us. Rock crystal eyes stare right into me. Wonder if they see me, or just a thing? Wonder if she does. Not sure I want to know, but know I need to. Not yet though. Need to get comfortable together first.

There's cute statues that make her laugh. The dwarf and his full sized family. Not politically correct, not that that's ever bothered me, but it's so good to see her laugh. Some of the pharoah statues are of solid granite and basalt. She's feeling the 6-packs on the statues, and I swear I see her doing a compare and contrast with mine. From the look of her I'm ahead on points.

We pass Nefertiti and Akenaten - weird looking bloke - on the stairs. She's taken with Nefertiti and asks if the famous head is here. Tell her how I saw it in Berlin when it first arrived, and how Hitler refused to let it go coz she was so beautiful and "Aryan". Tosser! We got the Sphinx's beard in the British Museum, think he got the better deal. Though the Elgin Marbles ain't bad.

Once she finds Hatshepsut the female pharaoh who ruled for 18 years and got her boyfriend to mind the kid Nefertiti drops well down the charts. Better bear that in mind. Hell, knew the whole girl power thing anyway. Just as long as she doesn't insist on wearing a false beard! A kilt and topless I could probably learn to live with.

Upstairs we hit the jewellery room. So much gold, so many gemstones and semi-precious stones she's in girly heaven.

"Dawn would love this. Look at this tiara! It's so delicate, and so pretty. 12th dynasty, that's ages ago right? Looks so now though."

"Yep, thousands of years old and still sparkly. Little Bit certainly would love this room. Have to keep hold of her sticky fingers though."

"It's your fault you know."

"Oh no. She was out knickin' stuff well before I got to know her, and never taught her owt about it neither. Nope. Not pinning that on me. Not solely anyway. We all should have done better by her. Wanted to. You wouldn't let me see her, not after…"

She continues to surprise me. "You're right. Especially if she doesn't have any kind of soul! God! Spike what do we tell her? How do I talk to her? She wanted to know more about who she is. How do I tell her this?"

I grip her shoulders and look into those huge eyes. "Soul ain't be all and end all. Still the same Dawn. We just know now she doesn't have anything influencing her to be bad or good, she can still be ok. We all can. I got a re-tune on my moral compass, so I don't have any push towards dumbass bad plans anymore. It's a good feeling to be free of that push in the veins. But I got tuned to neutral luv. If Dawn hasn't got a compass at all we can get her to internalise one. Good, or neutral…up to her. Free will, and a positive example. All we can do really. But above all gotta be honest with the bit. She's smart, she'll cry, she'll screech, she'll cope. And you know how. Coz we'll both help her. Been re-tuned, it hurt. She don't have to hurt. Not if we do it right."

She nods.

Tears welling in her eyes, but not falling, we left the jewellery room for the death masks. Huge heavy things. Glad didn't have one of those on when they did me.

We come to the King Tut exhibits. Shedloads of 'em. Can see the shrine things they all came in. Beats Anya for gift wrapping skills. Talk about fitting a quart into a pint pot.

She's easing. Visibly relaxing. We come to one display case. There's lots of smaller pieces in it. But she's only looking at one. It's a little wooden mummy with two small birds whose wings cross over the body.

"Look, isn't it beautiful. How delicate the birds are." It's true. There's no gold on this. You can see the wood-grain. Even the band of hieroglyphics round the mummy is utterly simple. It's one of the simplest things I've seen in a museum stuffed beyond belief with treasures. But this is so full of feeling it looks like a gift of someone who truly cared. The two little birds' wings cross so carefully; looks like they don't want to wake the person, just keep him safe, keep him warm.

"I feel. I feel warm. Why do I feel warm? Oh, weird! No. Oh, feeling dizzy."

She slumps a bit and I drag her away from the case. No more strange mojo for my girl. As we get away from the case she shakes her head and whatever it was clears.

"Ok now that was weird. What was that Spike?"

"Dunno luv. But looks best to be away from it. Not keen on the old mojo."

So we go into the room off the corridor. It's a big one, in all senses. More gold than I've ever seen and stuff familiar from the papers and the telly over the years. Tut's gold coffins, enough jewellery to keep Peaches in hair gel for centuries and the famous death mask. Three gold coffins, and a really heavy gold and lapis mask. Somebody really didn't want him getting out. The work though is amazing, and I've seen a few things in my time.

She's looking into the face of the death mask. Her eyes aren't blinking but the frown is deepening between her brows.

"My head! Ow. My head." She's clutching her head in pain and slumping again. OK no more culture we're out of here. So I pick her up and carry her out of the museum.

Notes. The Hotel is as placed. The artefacts described do exist in the Egyptian Museum, which is incredible and well worth seeing for anyone with an interest in the subject. Any effects are for the purposes of the story. Though the death mask does have a headachy effect on many people, according to anecdotal reports.

************ So after my Rhett Butler impression we get outside and she perks up. So I help her stand up and we go across to the hotel. I sit her in her room with a coke from the mini-bar, and go next-door to write a note to Giles. Not an easy one, what with worrying about all that weird stuff. It takes a while. But I know he needs to know what happened to help her. I take the hat and return to my girl.

The coke's worked. She laughs.

"It's purple! Why are you wearing a purple hat?"

Grr.Arggh. "Blame Watcher-Boy, he insisted. Incognito and no sunburn an all that! Besides you don't get away scot-free!" I pick up a headscarf draped over the chair and put it on her. "Dad's fault, right luv?"

"No fair!"

"Least we agree on something. Come on. Lunch!" Girl needs a bit of meat on her bones. I need a fag…badly.

"Fresh air first?"

"OK, pet. Nile sound good to you?"

It did and we braved the traffic and slavering hoards of pedestrians, hawkers and there it was. The Nile.

"You know luv. Done most of the big rivers in my time. Played dominoes on the river boats of the Amazon. Had fun with the 'gators and voodoo priestesses on the Mississippi. Lived and died near Old Father Thames. Danced on the bridges over the Seine. Even went for a dip in the Ganges."

"Knew you were nuts!"

"Upper reaches, pet. Still pretty fast. Not totally gone. But this is special. You being here, an all. Walk with me?" I offer an arm like Mama taught me so long ago. Surprises don't stop. She takes it and we walk beside the river.

"It's bluer in daylight."

"Colours change. Lot's of things change." I certainly have.

"You have. I still can't get over seeing you in daylight, and no flaming blankets in sight! Though that hat!"

"Certainly have luv. Much prefer this to last time we were in the sun though. Said some nasty things. They weren't fair. Was jealous of that tosser, I 'spose. Didn't realise it at the time."

"S'OK. Maybe my thing about you losing a bet to be with Harmony was a bit…harsh? No. Not the right word. But, hey, not good at being talky girl"

"You were pretty right about it though." Really must swear off drinking too much at some point. Especially after being dumped. That was a bad hangover to wake up to when combined with excessive Harm perkiness.

"Not the worst though."

Oh bugger. Don't think I can do that part of the talk. Not ready, nope, definitely not ready. But, if I have to get down on my knees right here on the Corniche in front of everyone I'll do it.

"The Judge! Spike what were you thinking! Especially with all the Acathla helpage. I've never understood that one."

There is a deity looking after de-chipped, re-tuned vampires with issues.

"I was depressed!"

She's just looking at me. Enormous eyes she's got.

"Dru wanted the bits. Could never bear to let the woman I loved down. Couldn't do it for 147 days, spent over a century doing it for Dru. Besides, knew you'd take Big Blue Smurf down. Would have loved to see you with the grenade launcher! Hey! Why didn't we use it on that bitch Glory?"

"Xander took it back to the base, and he can't remember the access codes anymore."

"Always knew he was a waste of space."

"Play nice!"

"OK, I'll try. Come on luv, lunch! Local cuisine an all that. Then prezzie shopping for the bit!"

I hailed a cab and told the guy to take us to the Khan el Khalili bazaar. We drove past the skyscrapers and a traffic island with a huge statue of Ramses. Pretty sure must be Ramses - most statues in Egypt seem to be, least they were when I was down in Luxor last time I was here. She's holding hard onto my arm. No seatbelts and her first experience of third world driving conditions, she's doing well. Hasn't started gibbering yet.

A number of missed lights, near misses with pedestrians and donkeys later we get there. The roads got seriously narrow. With all the stalls and people milling around driver did a good job, and achieved a zero body count. Will deserve a little baksheesh.

I tell the guy to stop at a tea-house first. Gonna need some caffeine before introducing Buffy to the delights of haggling as an integral part of the shopping experience. Don't want her breaking her "I don't kill humans except as self defence from loony Knights, duck. Or worse, me.

We get a table. She's still stressed and hasn't let go of the leather yet. Got the thousand yard stare of culture shock. It's not easy but I manage to get her sat down. Bit of a change from the Sunnydale Mall though, must admit. Love it!

It's all men sitting in the café, overlooking the busy shoppers. Women must be out doing all the work. Way the world's always worked I suppose. Not fair neither. Blokes in here, and on the streets, are wearing a mixture of western clothes and the long robes and headgear. Since it's bloody hot must be cooler in the robes. Donkeys and cars both taking over the narrow street, but there seems to be an underlying order to the wonderful chaos. Can't see any tourists. Should be able to get some good stuff if I can get Buffy to be patient enough to haggle properly. That might be tough.

She's eases her grip long enough for me to give the order to the waiter. Order her a mango juice, can't be healthy drinking all that coke all the time. and get coffee and a sheesha for me.

As the drinks and water pipe arrive the stirr we caused by walking in passes and the blokes return to chatting, smoking, and playing backgammon.

"You're smoking a bong!"

"Sheesha pet, not a Hookah. Tobacco soaked in honey and taken through a water pipe. Lovely and smooth. Haven't had it for years. Can try if you want?"

"World of no. Is it good?"

"Superb, and was in dire need."

"Hooker? Strange names here?"

"No pet. Hookah with an h. Hash smokin' toy, rather than lady of easy virtue."

"It's all so strange. All the people, those thin towery things"

"Minarets luv."

"The smells."

"Takes me right back."

"Uh"

"Eau de donkey here. Horses and carriages when I was growin' up. Look pretty on the telly, but…"

"All the stalls! All those herbs and spices. Tara…"

Tearing up again. Know how she feels. Glinda would enjoy herself here, I think. Loved art and remember talking with her over the summer about some of the places I'd been, and some of the things I've seen over the years. She'd have loved the museum and been in her element browsing the heaps of spices. Made great cakes too. Miss her.

"I know. Miss her too. We'll enjoy it for her, pet. Tara." And we raised our drinks to the good witch.

"Watcha drinking. Nor beer and doesn't look like tea. Neither a Spike nor an Englishman drink?"

"Turkish coffee luv. Strongest in the world, they say. Dunno. Tried cafezinhos in Brazil, expressos in Milan, might be right. Tea's too strong and too sugary here. Besides Brits don't just drink tea! That's cultural stereotyping! That is! But this sets you right up. Try some?"

"UH, Grit!" She grabbs her juice and drains it. I motion the waiter for more.

"Gotta take it slow. Sip, Let things settle down. Then it's great. Lots of shopping energy."

"Great, hyper-caffeinated Spike. But that means lots of bag carrying energy right?"

"Yep, but food first. Some nice kebabs ok?"

They were, so we munched away and soaked in the atmosphere. No more fainting fits, now we were away from the museum. Hope Rupert got the note. Hope he's gonna be ok. This thing with Anyanka ain't gonna be easy on his worldview, and the practicalities are gonna be tough too. Know he loves her though. See it every time he looks at her. But I hope they can make it. We're gonna. Eventually.

*************

Nibblet prezzie shopping started well.

We walked round the narrow streets inhaling the scents and atmosphere. For a vampire, and a slayer, that's pretty intense by itself. Arabian Nights meets 21st Century poor country. The density of people and the sheer contrast to 21st Century California must have been a bit of a shock for Buffy but she was coping well. Nice to see her taking an interest in anything actually. Been too long.

Wearing a headscarf and some of the baggiest clothes I've ever seen her in, (probably Tara's) she wasn't getting too much hassle. I suspect my looking like I'd eat anyone hurting her might also have something to do with it. Never wanted to hurt her, not letting anyone else.

Know it can get pretty annoying, especially if not dressed for the culture. Got dead annoying for Darla, know that. She got fed up of eating pests. It's rather difficult in public when you're trying to keep a low profile. She got a pair of wedding rings and made me wear the other one. Definitely not one of my fonder memories. Princess was well annoyed with GrandMum.

Then we saw the cat statue. Copy of one in the museum. Very elegant. More of a dog person myself. There was a nice Annubis in the little shop too. Looked like a Doberman, always liked them. Misunderstood breed. Miss having a dog but they perceive "predator" and it's not good. Nibblet would love the cat. I wouldn't mind the dog. If nothing comes of all this I want something to remind me of Cairo and just this…walking and talking, together.

So we start the bargaining.

20 minutes in, the mint tea arrives and the price has been shaved down from farcical to merely ludicrous.

She's learning fast. Girl was born to shop. Finds the mint tea bit sweet though. But it just drives her to further haggling heights. Criticises the workmanship, the materials, and the price. And it's still at an early stage yet. Girl has a talent for criticism.

After an hour the price is about half the original but no-where near what it should be. So I throw in a slight interest in the dog.

She gives me the glare but dives straight back in.

More mint tea.

After an hour and a half both statues are half the original price of the one. Guy isn't budging.

So we stand up to go.

Shopkeeper's good. We get to the door and the price drops again.

More mint tea. Gonna be swimming in the stuff. Fortunately the shopkeeper is keeping me in fags or I'd be desperate here.

Just before the two hour mark. Result. Two very nice statues wrapped to go at a reasonable price. Just got the Watcher, the demon, and the shaman to get something for now. Hope we're here long enough!

"We should let Giles know where we are. But I don't want to stop now. Not fair." Followed by the pout.

I'm doomed.

I have an idea. Yes, I know those can be dangerous. But this was a good one.

"Anyanka!!!"

Puff of smoke and she appears.

Shopkeeper runs out screaming, "Djinn, djinn, djinn.

Ok maybe it wasn't a perfect idea.

"You summoned me? Oh Spike! Buffy! Ooh! Nice statues and the jewellery here is good too. Wonder what the profit margins are?"

"Sorry to disturb you."

"No problem. One journalist no longer able to read and write. Quite an inspired wish, that one. So job done. My time is free at the moment. You called?"

"We want to be able to stay in touch with Giles. Could you do something you know magical or something."

"Better than that. 21st Century. Wish for a triband mobile phone for you, Buffy and Giles. Works everywhere, and the sort I can grant don't incur bills."

"I could kiss you!" Glare plus eye roll. Bugger. Mouth foot thing again. "Not that I would of course in any sense but that of friends, coz that's all we want to be. Right pet."

"Of course. Now wish and I can take Giles one to him. I might have to spend lots of time showing him how to use it."

So I wished. We swapped numbers. Fiddled with ring tones and she apparated off to Giles. Hope that too many of his archaeologist mates don't have heart attacks when she appears.

I'm in trouble. She's still glaring. Never had a chance to clear that up. But we're gonna. And where we can't hurt each other.

We exit the back, in case of irate, shocked shopkeepers. Head off to a little café and take a back table away from view of the street. Helps after all that mint tea that she needs the loo.

Goes. Comes back looking blanched.

Sits. Waits. Bugger. Ok hear goes the Anya thing out of the issues stack.

"Buffy, you know that was just a figure of speech right? We are just friends. Nothing more. Just a one time thing. Two hurt and needy people needing some affirmation that anyone thought they were worth something. A mistake. Not meant to hurt anyone. Just stop the pain for a moment."

Silence. This is not good. When in a hole keep digging. Never worked but hey, one day, maybe. On the plus side she hasn't thrown anything at me. Yet.

"I don't love her. Like her as a friend. Gotta lot in common afterall. She doesn't love me either. Think she thinks of me as a friend. Hope so. But she doesn't love me. She loved the whelp, but he shattered her. She loves Giles now. I think. Know her loves her."

Mouth open. Jaw hitting floor and heart racing. "God! I am so oblivious Buffy. I missed so much. Willow going all wonky. Xander going all wedding avoidy. Dawn stealing. He's my watcher. I should have noticed."

"Bit busy with the whole coming back from heaven thing, pet. Got an excuse. Besides, Watcher-Boy is good at hiding things. Missed it myself. Only realised down in Tanzania, when he went ballistic."

"it's why he didn't come to the wedding isn't it? Thought demon hunting was a lame excuse but…God I was so self-centred. I drive him away with my remarkable self-involvement and everything goes keplooy."

To be fair she hasn't got fixed yet, let alone epiphanied so I'll let that one slide.

"Maybe you didn't help. But it's not your fault luv. Lots of things going on that kept him away. Nothing to do with you. He'll tell you later, when you're all well again. Do think it's why he couldn't face the wedding though. Never easy to see the woman you love with another man. Especially if you care for the bloke too."

"No, can't be I guess. Poor Giles, poor Anya, poor Xander."

"Have to disagree on the last one pet. Made his own hell there. But, yes I'll play nice. Know we don't agree on him. But hope those two can make it. Want them both happy. Think they can be together, even if it ain't easy."

"Not easy at all. But I do want him to be happy. God, what I put him through over the years. Jenny…the Initiative. I'm not gonna stop hurting for Xander. He's my friend. But Giles deserves to be happy. So non-judgementy girl.here." She sits up straight. "If she makes him happy, I'll try."

"Know that'll mean the world to him pet. Don't expect you not to hurt for your friends. Loyalty to 'em. Always admired it."

Phone trills "Three Lions on My Shirt". Hey! World cup coming up and I like that one.

It was a rather flustered sounding Giles asking us to meet them at a restaurant near the Al Azhar mosque. So we left.

************* It wasn't that far so we walked. I could hear the muezzin calling the faithful to prayer. Meant there weren't so many people on the streets. So got there nice and quick.

"That was what woke me up this morning. It's so loud!"

"Yeah, but bloody useful for a vampire pet. Sunrise and sunset, who needs an alarm clock. Not sure 'bout the other three. 'Sides look at the white stone mosques and the citadel thing we're in. All Arabian Nights…even got our own djinn! Gotta have a soundtrack. It'll be flying carpets next."

"No. No flying carpets. No carpets of any kind! Dusty! Bad Carpets!"

I like carpets…well rugs anyway.

We got to the restaurant. Giles and Anyanka were already there, and clearly in the middle of "A Talk". They were so engrossed they barely registered us taking the empty seats. So I motioned to the waiter for beer and a coke for me and Buffy.

Anyanka was fiddling with her necklace, and looking up at Giles with a deadly serious face. "A version of you destroyed my necklace. Would you do it again?

His looks so torn. "Everything I was taught since I was 10 years old says I not only should, I would have to. I killed Ben because I had to. It was my duty. Duty is bred into the watcher bloodlines you know? Goes along with the magical ability and the brains. Those that betray duty don't tend to survive long enough to pass the taint on.

"You killed Ben? God! I didn't even ask about him. Why didn't I ask? I should have asked. You killed Ben? You killed a human?"

"Watcher did the right thing pet. War for the multiverse, that was! Hell-Bitch would have come right back. Had to be done. War's not clean, not simple. Didn't take out scum like Hitler by turning the other cheek. Had to fight, had to kill. Ben had to die or…or losing you wouldn't have mattered. She'd have come back…Nibblet would have died. We all would. Besides pet, that was no innocent. Bit told me about it over the summer. Gave her over to the bitch for immortality. Gave her over to bleed and to destroy the mutliverse. Lil' Bit had nightmares over that…and losing you all summer."

"Nightmares! But, she never told me. God, maybe she still does. Had so many of my own I never…How do you know about them when I didn't?"

"Me and the Bit pet, spent a lotta time together in the summer. Helped each other get through. Keep going. Weren't easy, bloody hard actually. But, helped each other. Missed it. You can talk about it when you get back, and are well enough."

"Rupert made the only sensible decision. We all helped hide the body. It was fun. But you haven't answered my question Rupert. I need to know…I…I can't take another betrayal."

The drinks arrive. Watcher looks well relieved.

"Anya, I can promise you this. I wouldn't willingly do anything to hurt you. Nearly destroyed myself leaving you and the children. Not talking with you in the shop everyday, not seeing you light up at the simple pleasures of life. Had to leave after we made love under the amnesia spell... Had to do the right thing. But I missed you and the children I'd watched grow. Even missed Spike. On very rare occasions."

"Uh?"

"OY"

"Sorry. Anya "The Necklace" represents everything I was trained and bred to fight against. But one thing I have learned is most things aren't black and white. Having a vampire in the tub who both helped to save the world on several occasions and yet plotted to betray us to Adam shows that."

"Umm, sorry 'bout that again. To you too pet."

"Uh?"

"Some things are utterly evil, and have to be fought with every fibre of one's being. Very few things are completely good. They are worth protecting to the same extent. It was a joy seeing you become happy as a human. I will miss that, if you stay a vengeance demon. If you want to return to humanity I will support you, and I will be overjoyed. But I won't force that choice on you. The me that did isn't me. OK now only on the hellmouth would that make sense. If you want to stay as you are. If that makes you happy I can promise to try. And your necklace is safe from me. Is that enough? I know it won't be easy."

"But it is a start Rupie. Interspecies relationships are always hard."

"Tell me about it!"

"But Clem and Sophie are lovely together. He's even giving up kittens for her. Krelvin ran off to Vegas with Cousin Carol, and opened a repair service. They sent such a lovely postcard to the shop. There's hope. There has to be doesn't there? Over a thousand years of seeing only pain, it's hard…"

"The warty demon? The one I juggled with?"

He reaches across the table and takes her hands. "There's always hope."

The starters arrive. Giles must have ordered earlier for all of us. Good choice though. Nice 'n spicy aubergine thing, Dips and pitta. Nice and social. Then the anvil drops on my girl.

"You slept with Giles? You slept with my watcher? You slept with my watcher, when you were engaged to one of my best friends!"

Oh bugger! Thought it was going too smooth. Mouth shut? Or help 'em out? Bugger! When can I ever keep my mouth shut? Besides owe all of 'em. "Amnesia spell pet. They didn't know, no intent to hurt no-one."

"He's not your watcher anymore," from Anya.

"It really isn't your business Buffy."

"Is to! But you left Giles! And you won't tell me why, for these all big secrety reasons. It's all a lie isn't it? It's 'coz you slept with that That big ho who sleeps with all my men! Going to LA next? Or is it Nepal? Or did you fit him in during the decent from on-high?"

Giles and I just look at each other. Watcher and vampire we might be. But right now we're just two blokes at the dinner from hell.

Waiter refreshes the drinks. Must have a death wish to get between a furious slayer and vengeance demon. Even if they've kept to their seats so far.

"You self-righteous little cow! Just because you were quite ready to jump the bones of the most boring bearer of the Y chromosome in existence, the moment he deigned to return to Sunnydale, don't judge everyone by your own standards! That's my job!"

"You were going to take back that pillock? And you question my right to have a relationship with Anya now we're both free. Or anyone in fact, the whole time I was in Sunnydale!"

"No of course not! He was married! I wasn't happy about you having sex with my Mother! Not on top of a police car! And I didn't mind you being with Jenny…much."

"Rupert I haven't tried a police car…"

"Didn't mind!!! Thank you so much!"

"You wouldn't really have gone back to that tosser would you pet?" The family at the nearest table is looking around, and looking distinctly worried.

"No! And Giles I'm saying things all wrong."

"Buffy. As you have heard. Anya and I didn't do anything deliberately wrong. We thought we were engaged and about to die. Once we got our memories back we didn't want to hurt anyone. So we decided it was best to keep it secret. I was leaving anyway. Not because of Anya. Not because of you. Not because of all the things I will tell you later when you can process things more clearly. All of these things contributed. But if Xander had behaved like a man I would have been happy for her and him. It would have been hard. But I would. He didn't. He continued to hurt and insult her. I don't like that. I don't like you doing it to her. I have never enjoyed you doing it to me. And mentioning Jenny…"

"Giles I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned her. You know I am sorry about her right? I couldn't bear it…" Tears and pout. He's crumbling.

"I will always be your watcher if you want me. You'll certainly always be my slayer. We don't own each other. Neither of us has the right to veto our relationship choices. However, unusual. But we can care about each other very much. But I also care very much for Anya. You hurt me as well as her when you insult her. I don't like seeing you like that, you're better than that. I know you are."

"Sorry Giles. All this stuff just comes out and I don't know from where and I hate it and I just want it to stop!"

He's looking at her and holding her hands now. "It's because you're not well. We're going to fix it, it's what we do. Now say sorry to Anya."

"Sorry."

"OK. I know you are all emotionally crippled and dying and things, so this time…ok. But say anything like that after we fix you and we are talking smiting!"

"Hopefully not dear. I would greatly prefer if you two could get on. Can we try?"

"Of course Rupert. I'll try if she will."

"I will". The two girls, who between them could have destroyed the city let alone the restaurant, stood up and hugged. Good to see. Thank god for that. Not fun, for anyone, cathartic hopefully. Un-live in hope anyway.

The waiter seeing a lull in the conflict brought the main course. Some lamb and herb thing. Tasted nice. Plenty of silence to enjoy it in.

Watcher boy breaks the silence. Always knew he's a better man than me. But, hey early stages and all that.

If in doubt use the weather, or football. Hot, bloody hot - so not much of a topic of conversation there. And two Englishmen, one of whom supports Chelsea and with the FA Cup tomorrow, well it's a no-brainer. We can even bond over mutual loathing of Arsenal. What is a surprise is that Anyanka joins in, and knows what she's talking about too. Know girl is ancient but still surprises. So I ask why?

"Lots of business over the years from women scorned for sport. Almost as many as I got from women kept in harems. Boy, this place brings those back memories. Disguising myself and granting wish after wish from all those women. Ah…happy days."

"Harem girl outfits?" That was the watcher I point out.

"Oh yes. Mmm…"

"Back to football". Before it all gets out of hand again. Hey, don't mind picturing Anyanka in a harem girl outfit but that way lies pain and possible stakage, from a couple of candidates. "Wishes right? So I got all this pain and no shortage of 'em right?"

Giles and I both get the idea at the same time.

"The World Cup!"

"Even better than Beck's foot. 30 years of hurt be dammed. I wish…"

"Sorry that's against the rules."

"There's rules?"

"Oh yes. First couple of days as a vengeance demon is all learning the rules. You know: don't destroy the universe: don't lose your necklace: don't mess with the Guardian; avoid the Council of Watchers; blood larvae are flattering: burlap covers a multitude of eating ice-cream; that sort of thing.

Football and sports games were added a century ago. D'Hoffryn got fed up with different people's wishes to change results just going to and fro. Stopped us from getting on with more fun work. Besides he supports Brazil. No way could I make England win. He even keeps the rule himself. Otherwise Brazil's team in 98…ouch."

"Bugger! So no chance of any Arsenal destruction either?"

"Sorry, no. And lots of people have wished for that over the years."

"Not surprised", from Giles.

Buffy's face has sort of glazed over during this. So I change topic.

"Giles you called."

"Yes. About the ritual. We need some items from the bazaar. Some pure wax candles, some perfumed oil, and some white cloth. I won't be able to do it…I have to arrange access to the site, assuming my friend recovers from the shock of Anya's arrival."

"I did say sorry."

"He'll love it once he calms down, it was rather fun wasn't it?"

They giggle, I kid you not. "What sort of oil?"

"That's the difficult bit. It's not set. It will just smell right to supernatural senses. You'll both know it when you smell it on you Buffy. Can you both do that. We need to get this right, so both sets of noses."

We both nod. So wanna know more so I ask. "Where's the site Watcher?"

"Has to be a tomb with great symbolic power."

"The Great Pyramid."

***************

The pyramid right? The big one? Numero uno? Really, really big pile of stone, film and documentary feature? He's surprised me.

"Yes. Desperate measures and all that" from the watcher.

Buffy just looks poleaxed. Anyanka is concentrating on some incredibly sweet backlava type stuff brought over for desert. All I can say on that stuff is I'm bloody lucky fangs don't get cavities, or starvation could be an imminent risk.

"So what…we break in?" 'Coz I know who gets volunteered for lock picking/jail duty in this scenario.

"Oh no. I will get the key. It's why we are eating here. The friend I'll be getting it from is it at the university. I had to come here after the museum to meet up."

"There's a university?" What did they teach her in that school of hers?

"One of the oldest in the world Buffy" from the Watcher in lecturer mode. Even starts cleaning his glasses. "Most of the texts we have from ancient Greece and Rome, the very cornerstones of our civilisation, survived in the Muslim World while we languished in the dark ages. They later returned from there to the West giving us the Renaissance." I feel an urge to start taking notes, and studying for the test later.

"Watcher's right pet. Medicine, maths, science, poetry, lots of things. Very fashionable too when I was your age. Lord Leighton, The Rhubiyat of Omar Khayam, Burton and the whole Arabian Nights, breath of fresh air it was. Went well with the Pre-Raphaelites and King Arthur too."

"Who are you and what have you done with Spike? Only know one of those."

"You never asked pet, you never asked. Would love to explain. Promise to. Later, when we've got time. Also promise not to get into a compare an Oxford education in the classics against what passes for an education in the States. You'll only get miffed, and probably start hitting me or Giles."

"You hit Rupie, you suffer!" from Anyanka.

"Not hitting anyone! Don't always resort to violence."

The rest of us just looked at each other. Time to change the subject.

"Shame more wasn't saved from near here, 'ey Rupert? Great Library of Alexandria an all that."

"The Council emptied it of all the magical, historical and geographical texts under one of the last Ptolomies. They put no value on the literature or philosophy though. Only what they could use, and of course they never shared what was saved with the rest of the world, that needed it. Always been a great regret of mine. So much lost. Plato, Socrates, what a waste."

You really do un-live and learn. Learnt more in the last week or so about so many things and most of all me.

Buffy makes an effort at conversation. Good to see. "What's with all this stone castley place?"

"The Citadel, built by Salah-el-Din." Back to lecturer mode.

"That's Saladin right? I did do the crusades at school Mr Know-it-Alls!"

"Full Richard the Lionheart an all pet?"

"I knew his mother, oh and his wife!" from the ancient one amongst us. Now this is interesting.

"Didn't know he was married luv." Oops shouldn't have called her that, getting glares from Buffy and Giles. Babble Spike, works for Red. "All the faithful minstrel stories an all that."

"Quite! Berengaria felt that too. Kept leaving her on islands round the Med while he had fun with the boys. Not very imaginative on her wish though. I mean I did so many festering wounds during the Middle Ages. Do you know how boring that got?"

"So you're responsible for Bad King John then Anyanka?" Got that right. Giles is distracted by the historical implications and Buffy is secure in her usual response to Anyanka's stories. She's got the look all ready. Hate to see it on her.

"Oh that was due to his mother too. Eleanor of Aquitaine. One of my favourite clients over the centuries she was. Whatta woman! Dumped the King of France for the King of England, had lovers. Ruled Empires, totally vindictive and imaginative too. We get so few of those," she sighed.

Giles is rubbing through his lenses analysing this one. But asks the question he already knows the answer to. "She asked that all his sons turned against him right?"

"Oh much better. All his sons should turn against him and all his empire should turn to ashes. In one generation loss of most of the English Empire in France, Henry already dead in despair, his legacy ruined. Inspired!"

"Answers whether all your wishes were cancelled when your necklace was broken."

"Rupie don't say the b word, you said…"

"Oh Anya, it's ok. I'm sorry." He hugged her and she let him. I wish…

Distraction Spike, let 'em look on the light side. Somebody gotta be happy. "So Anyanka here made it possible for us to keep thrashing the French! No Anyanka no Crecy, Poitiers, Agincourt, wouldn't have had all that fun! OK I Know war bad, suffering an all that. But hey, National Sport for centuries."

"Mm, quite right Spike. We'll talk Scottish, German and Irish historical wishes later dear."

"Oh there's some doozies!" from a very perky demon.

Some Turkish Coffee arrived for Giles, Anyanka and me. Buffy had a coke. We supped up in silence. Giles paid the bill and we headed off to one of the main gates to the Citadel and a cab back to the hotel. Late now in a long day. Only the caffeine keeping us going I think.

Went past loads of mosques. Like mosques, no pesky holy water, though having to take your shoes off is a bind. Or it was when I was hunting and trying to fit in initially anyway. Docs take a long time to t