TITLE: Journey's End 1/10
AUTHOR: Rari Coss
EMAIL ADDRESS: RariCoss1956@yahoo.com
SPOILER WARNING: Season 6 through Tabula Rasa
RATING: R for dark parts (even though it all ends happy!). Extra warning: in a dream sequence there is adult sex with a minor
PAIRING: B/G
DISCLAIMER: It all belongs to Joss, the real king of the world, the WB, UPN, Fox, Mutant Enemy and anybody else who feels they own it. I’m just borrowing, lost in admiration, and then giving them back, memories wiped clean.
SUMMARY: The Shaman returns, concerned about what is being shown to him about the future, the future that happens if Giles leaves to return to England.
NOTES: Takes place during that conversation between Giles and Buffy when he is telling her that he is leaving to go back to England. The first two lines of dialogue were snitched from Tabula Rasa. Then we go zooming off into my own little AU and we stay there, so memory loss part never happened.
FEEDBACK: Absolutely.

"I've thought this over and over and I believe it's the right thing to do."

Buffy's body was tight with anger. "You're wrong."

They stayed there for a moment, Giles sitting, his body and face a combination of misery and determination. Buffy standing, angry and sullen. She turned, as if to storm out but before she moved very far there was a flash in the room. Buffy and Giles both put a hand up to shield their eyes from the light.

When the light resolved Giles' eyes grew wide and he stood. It was the Shaman. He was dressed in his dark robes, with nothing but his eyes showing. Turning to Giles he spoke. "Rupert Giles, you must come with me."

Buffy took a step towards him. "Excuse me, but you're interrupting." She was in no mood to even pretend to be polite. She gestured angrily at Giles. "He was in the middle of ripping my heart out and stomping on it and I don't think he was quite done."

Giles sent her an admonishing look. "Buffy."

Buffy had the grace to look somewhat ashamed at her outburst but she was so angry it didn't last long. "Well, who the hell is he, and why do you have to go with him?" She looked at the Shaman again, a longer look. "Hey, aren't you the guy who pretended to take Angel's…?"

Her question died off at Giles' nod. Giles turned to the Shaman. "What's the matter? This really isn't the best time. Can it wait?"

The Shaman shook his head. "No, we must speak now. Are you ready?”

Buffy darted forward, her hostility clear. "What do you mean is he ready? He's not going anywhere."

The Shaman sent a piercing glance her way. "I am sorry for your pain but the choice is not up to you." He glanced at Giles. "Rupert, are you ready?"

Giles nodded, and he took a deep breath. The Shaman lifted his hands and another flash of light appeared, momentarily blinding Buffy. When she could see again, the Shaman and Giles were both gone. "Shit." Buffy punched the wall. In her anger she didn't pull back on her strength and her fist went through the plasterboard. "Shit." She wrestled her arm out and went in search of answers.

***

Giles found himself walking next to the Shaman in a deep wood. The trees were dense and the ground was soft with fallen pine needles. Occasional rays of sunlight broke through the overhead canopy. Giles smiled and turned to the Shaman. "You brought me here?"

"It is your sanctuary, your secret garden."

Giles let out a soft humming sound of satisfaction. "Yes, it is. I love it here."

"You do not come here enough."

Giles’ lips tightened. "No, I don't." He stopped walking for a minute. "Why have you brought me here?"

"Rupert, you have been in great distress. Even with your Slayer returned to you, you continue to be in pain."

The thought of Buffy broke another wave of sadness over Giles. "I'm leaving. I’m going back to England."

The Shaman pulled down his hood, revealing his face. "You have insufficient information with which to make this decision."

Giles looked momentarily annoyed. "How do you know that?"

The Shaman touched Giles' temple with a long nailed finger. "I know your thoughts, Rupert. You yourself allowed me access to them and you have never rescinded that invitation. Do you wish to do so now?"

Giles shook his head. "No. I apologize. You know how I value your assistance. I would be stark raving mad by now if it wasn't for you."

"You have suffered much these past few years Rupert. It has been my honor to assist you."

Giles looked at the Shaman, affection clear in his eyes. He spoke softly. "Why am I here?" His eyes darted back in the direction he thought they had come from. "I'm worried about Buffy."

"She is why you are here." The Shaman started to walk again and Giles moved to his side. "I know your heart, Rupert. I know you mean to do what's best." He looked around him. "Why have you not come here for your answers in this situation?"

Giles looked around as well. He took a deep breath, enjoying the rich smells assaulting his nose. "I don't know. I've been busy."

"Have you consulted with your spirit guides? With your other teachers?"

Giles let out a breath. "You know I haven't. You always know when I'm here."

"And yet, you think yourself prepared to make this decision. A decision that will affect you and your Slayer for the rest of this lifetime and beyond."

"I'm doing what I think I need to do."

"And what is driving this decision of yours? What emotion?"

Giles thought for a few minutes, walking in silence, occasionally kicking a pinecone away with his foot. Finally he spoke. "I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I make Buffy weak. I'm afraid that she will never be what she can be if I stay." He let out a sigh. "And I suppose to be honest that I'm also afraid of what I'll become if I stay. Someone who cleans up her messes, who bails her out of trouble, someone who will, in time, become a mockery of a Watcher."

The Shaman stopped. "So, it is fear that makes you choose to leave her."

Giles sighed. "I am afraid of so many things right now."

The Shaman let out his own sigh. "Humans. I will never understand why, in times of highest emotional distress, they rush into decisions, unprepared, turning away from that which might center them and aid them as they choose their path."

Giles leaned against a tree. "Message received. And deserved." He ran his hand down a branch, feeling the pine needles sharp against his palm. "Even after all this time, after studying with you for so many years, I still seem to get lost so easily sometimes."

"Rupert, on even the simplest paths it is easy to be swept away by the challenges life puts before us. You have chosen a most difficult path. Do not waste your time in regret, simply turn back to what you know to be true, to where you know your wisdom lies."

"Have I made the wrong decision then, about Buffy?"

"That is not for me to say. What I do know is that the spirits have come to me and they are disturbed. They see shadows in the future, shadows that are causing them unrest. They tell me that you, Rupert Giles, have the power to make or unmake this future."

Giles pushed off from the tree and moved closer to his teacher. "What must I do?"

"You must journey. It will not be an easy one. Are you willing to do this?"

"Of course."

The Shaman smiled. "Rupert, I believe in you. You must believe in yourself as well." He shifted his head, as if to sniff the air. "I can feel your Slayer's anger from here. She is searching for us, for me."

"How do you know that?"

"I can feel her through you. The bond between you is fragile, but it is enough for me to see her."

Giles didn't like the sound of that. "Our bond is fragile?" He'd always thought the link between him and Buffy to be strong.

The Shaman looked at him seriously. "It is a dangerous time for the two of you. Your bond has been tested too much of late and it grows tenuous." The Shaman raised his eyebrows. "She is full of so much anger."

Giles grew sad. "It seems to be all she can feel these days." He looked at the Shaman. "Will you let her find you?"

The Shaman nodded. "Yes, this concerns her as well. She also has much to learn." A kind smile appeared on his face. "Rupert, she is angry, but she is also full of love for you. The anger is easier for her, she thinks it protects her, she thinks it makes her stronger."

"I wish I knew what she needed. I wish I knew how to help her."

The Shaman rested his palm on Giles' chest. "You do. All your answers lie within. You must seek your answers there, always."

"Will you help her when she comes?"

"Your Slayer's answers lie within her as well. I can merely show her the way. It will be her choice, and yours, to heed what you find, and to trust what your heart tells you. Decisions made from anger and fear are often less than wise." He started walking again. "There are always lessons to be learned, no matter what decisions we make, but our lessons are often more painful when we choose unwisely."

Giles didn't respond. This place, his place, was working its magic. He could feel his body and his mind start to unwind. He felt safe here, loved. For the first time in days, his thoughts about Buffy seemed less laden with heavy, painful emotions. His plea for her was clear. He wanted to help; he wanted to make her path easier. And he realized that he truly had no idea how to do that. He looked up at the soft sound of the Shaman's laughter.

The Shaman smiled at Giles. "That is the place to start. Not knowing. It is there that you can most easily be taught." He listened acutely again, as if to a faraway sound.

Giles recognized the look this time. "Buffy?"

"She is sure you are in danger." He smiled again. "She is most determined."

"Yes, that's a good word for her."

"Rupert, she will have questions. She will want to know about our journey together. Do I have your leave to share with her as I see fit?"

Giles nodded. "I trust you, more than anyone, or anything. I trust that you will tell Buffy what she needs to hear, and I would not want to get in the way of that."

They came to the end of the woods and before them lay a field of wildflowers, a riotous panorama of color that quite took the breath away. The Shaman smiled. "I like your secret garden Rupert. You have made it a beautiful place."

"I like flowers." He gestured back to the woods. "And woods." He grinned back. "That's the fun of it, isn't it? That it can be anything you want?" He shook his head. "How can I forget to come here?"

"As long as you know that it is always here when you do remember."

Giles nodded. "Yes, I do know that." He saw some familiar figures in the distance and his heart grew full.

The Shaman saw them too. "Go, your guides await you." He touched Giles on the shoulder, lightly. "Take care, my friend. The spirits tell me that this will be difficult for you. Remember all I have taught you."

Giles slowly breathed through the tension the Shaman's words had evoked in him. "I will. And thank you. Again."

Squeezing his shoulder gently, the Shaman shook his head. "I do not require your thanks. Your friendship is sufficient."

Giles placed his hand over the one on his shoulder. "You shall always have that." He smiled. "And my thanks, whether you require it or not."

"Then I leave you to your journey. Blessings on you." As Giles watched, the Shaman slowly faded away. When he was gone, Giles turned and headed down to his next destination.

***

Buffy slammed the phone down. She let out a frustrated cry. "Angel doesn't know anything either. How can no one know anything?" She glared at Willow and Xander. "You were there. You saw him. Who the hell is he?"

Xander shrugged his shoulders. "You were there too, Buffy. All we saw was what you saw. We know he knew Giles. We know he's a good actor because he fooled the Mayor and Faith. We know Giles introduced him to his wife. We know he can be really cool and just disappear." He grimaced at the look on Buffy's face. "Sorry."

Willow closed the book she had been looking through. "I can't seem to find him in any of these books. Of course, I don't know his name or if he's a demon or anything." She sighed. She felt like she had so much to make up for to Buffy and she was annoyed that she was currently feeling so useless.

Buffy snapped her head up. "Magic. Willow can you do magic and help me find him?" She pointed to the training room. "He was in there. Can you sense him or something?"

Willow frowned. "Maybe."

Buffy grabbed Willow's arm and pulled her out of the chair. "Good enough. Let's go."

***

An hour later Willow was trying to mix together some herbs to cast a locating spell. Buffy was pacing, still angry enough that everyone else was just trying to stay out of her way. As Willow lifted her head up to check the ingredient list in the spell book, her eyes widened. Buffy spun around just in time to see the Shaman materialize right in front of her. She reached out to grab him but while he appeared solid, he was insubstantial to her touch and her hand went right through him.

"What the hell are you and where is Giles?"

"Rupert is safe for the moment. He is preparing himself."

"Preparing himself for what?"

"For the journey he must make."

"He is so not making a journey. Give him back. I want him back here, now." Buffy's tone was dark and hostile.

The Shaman smiled softly at her. "It is not your place to choose his journeys for him. He must do what is right for him, what his heart is calling for him to do. As must you."

"Yeah, well, my heart hasn't been speaking very loudly these past few days."

"In that you are wrong. Your heart is screaming. It is crying for its path."

"The only thing screaming here is me, and I want my Watcher back."

"You may not interfere. The only path you can choose right now is yours. I would assist you in that if you would let me."

"Excuse me? You kidnap my Watcher and now I'm supposed to trust you? Are you on drugs?"

"Slayer. You are in pain. Do you choose to remain this way?"

"I didn't choose to be this way. It was chosen for me, oh, Mr. I Can Only Choose My Own Path. Someone chose this path for me with magic." The words were spit out bitterly. Xander and Willow both winced.

"Where you are now is simply what is in front of you. It has no meaning except what you make of it. It is your choice alone as to the lessons you will learn, and the direction you will now take. But understand that you are a being of great power, and the choices you make now will affect everyone around you as if you were a large stone being thrown in a small pond. The ripples will be strong and lasting."

Buffy let out a disgusted sound. "Great, another cryptic guy. Look, just take me to Giles."

"I cannot. He must be alone right now. But I can take you to where you will find him when he completes his journey."

Buffy was tired of this game. "Fine, whatever. It just better lead me to him."

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