TITLE: Journey's End 4/10
AUTHOR: Rari Coss
EMAIL ADDRESS: RariCoss1956@yahoo.com
DISCLAIMER: It all belongs to Joss, the real king of the world, the WB, UPN, Fox, Mutant Enemy and anybody else who feels they own it. I’m just borrowing, lost in admiration, and then giving them back, memories wiped clean.
FEEDBACK: Absolutely.

When Giles left the crypt he expected to find himself following Buffy. Instead he was back at the house, up in the master bedroom. Willow was sitting on the floor, surrounded by books. As he walked closer to see which ones they were, Tara walked in. Willow didn't notice. She was muttering under her breath. As Tara got closer to see what Willow was doing her face flushed with anger. "One day. You couldn't last one day without doing magic."

Willow looked up, emotions spilling across her face, surprise, guilt, annoyance. "You don't understand. Something's happened."

"All I know is that you promised. You promised to go a month without magic. I said one week. And you haven't even lasted a day. Willow, nothing makes this okay."

"You weren't there. It's Buffy. She's out of control. She threatened me… and Dawn. She's kicked us out. We have to be out of here by tomorrow. She's going to really hurt someone if something isn't done."

"So you think a spell's the answer? What are you going to do? Make her forget? Make her not care what she's going through? God, Willow. You can't smooth everything over with magic." Tara crouched down next to Willow and picked up one of the books. Her eyes widened in alarm. "Willow, these are revenge spells. What have you done?"

Willow grabbed the book out of Tara's hand. "Nothing, I didn't do anything. I was just looking, okay? Some people hit punching bags when they're angry, I was just imagining doing things. It was making me feel better."

Tara didn't believe her. She looked at Willow with such profound sadness in her eyes, shaking her head. "I don't even know you anymore. What happened to you? Was it the spell you did to bring Buffy back? Did it do something to you? Why haven't you ever told me what it was?"

"Look, you either trust me or you don't. It's still just me, same old Willow."

"No, it's not." Tara stood up and pulled down her suitcase. She started to pack up her clothes.

Willow went to join her. "Good idea. We have a lot of packing to do."

Tara put her hand out. "Willow, wherever we go tomorrow, it won't be together. I can't do this anymore."

The darkness almost swamped Willow again. Tara took a step back when she saw Willow's eyes change. Willow shook her head and they cleared. Tara just started packing faster. Willow grabbed her arm. "You can't leave me, Tara, you can't."

Tara looked up, fear in her eyes. "How will you make me stay? Will you do a spell? Program me like the buffybot with no will of my own?"

Willow recoiled from the look on her face. "I would never do that Tara."

"Yes, you would. That's why I have to leave." Tara found herself fighting down a sense of panic. She felt an urgent need to leave before Willow cast a spell and she found herself down in the kitchen cooking lasagna like nothing had happened. More of her life stolen away from her. She began ripping drawers open, trying to find her belongings. Finally her sense of self-preservation won and she slammed the suitcase shut, knowing she was leaving things behind. She looked up to see Willow casting. A look of horror came over her face and she ran for the door yanking it open and slamming it shut behind her. Willow finished her spell, a smug smile on her face. The door opened and Tara walked in. She smiled at Willow. "Hey baby, I missed you."

Willow kissed her. "I missed you too." Willow explained what happened with Buffy and the two of them began packing the rest of their belongings, making plans as to where they would go.

Giles dug his fingers into Tiger's fur to keep from yelling at Willow, knowing she wouldn't be able to hear him. Willow walked over to the bed and picked up one of the magic books. Tara looked over, frowning. "What are you doing?"

Willow smiled brightly at her. "Nothing. Nothing you need to worry about."

Tara smiled back. "Okay. You hungry? Should I go fix us some dinner?"

"Starved. That would be great." Willow walked over and kissed Tara on the cheek. "What would I do without you?"

"You never need to worry about that." With a final loving glance Tara headed downstairs.

Willow sat on the bed and opened the book. Giles moved to her side so he could see what she was looking at. His face grew even grimmer and he couldn't help exclaiming. "Willow, no." He reached for the book only to find himself on the ground, Tiger standing over him, growling. Giles sat up talking to Tiger. "It's okay, I'm okay." But he wasn't. He backed up until he was in the corner, his hands over his face as he heard Willow call out for Dawn.

Willow looked up as Dawn entered her room. Her face was red and blotchy from crying. Willow patted the bed next to her. "Dawn, I'm so sorry about what happened earlier. I'm sorry we have to leave."

Dawn started to cry again. "I can't believe this is happening."

Willow put her arm around her. "I'm sure it will all blow over and Buffy will be herself again. In the meantime, I found something that might help."

Dawn wiped her nose with her hand. "What is it?"

"It's a spell." At the look on Dawn's face Willow giggled. "No, not that kind of spell. It will just make things clearer for you. It will help you to know what to do to help. To give Buffy what she deserves."

"Really?"

Willow nodded. "And don't ever forget. If things don't work out here for any reason, you'll always have a home with me and Tara. We love you so much."

"I just want you to stay here. Buffy is kinda scaring me right now."

"I know she is. She's scaring me a little too. But things will get better, trust me. She won't scare you any more after this." She pulled the book around so Dawn could see the words. They were in Latin. "Now you need to say it, and I'll do the magic."

Giles put his hand over his ears. He couldn't bear to hear Dawn say the words Willow was prompting her to say. Giles groaned as, despite his efforts to the contrary, he heard Dawn's voice begin to speak, being assisted by Willow as she stumbled over the words, syllable by syllable until she was done.

A shadow passed her face and her eyes glowed red for an instant. Then she smiled at Willow. "Did I do it right?"

Willow hugged her. "Yes Dawnie, you did it exactly right." Willow slammed the book shut and held out her hand. "Tara's cooking dinner, you want some?" Dawn nodded, and with a trusting look on her face she took Willow's hand and the two of them headed downstairs.

Giles stayed in the corner, knees drawn up tight. In the analytical part of his brain, Giles supposed that Willow thought this was a fitting revenge. She'd planted a seed. A seed that would grow in response to what it was fed. If Buffy treated Dawn with love and respect, she would get it tenfold back from Dawn. But if Buffy treated Dawn badly, Dawn would respond with hatred, a hatred that would grow and fester. And considering Buffy's state of mind right now… Giles' mind balked at the possible repercussions. He needed to stop this. He needed to stop this now.

He felt a warm breath on his face and he looked up to see Tiger standing there. Giles flung his arms around his neck and held on tightly, his heart raw. "Oh God. How can I just watch? It's too much." He drew a deep shuddering breath. "Take me somewhere else, please."

He sensed a breeze and when Giles opened his eyes again he was at Willy's. He looked around in some confusion, wondering why he was here, until he noticed Xander up at the bar. Giles knew Xander wouldn't be 21 for another couple of months but he also figured that Willy's was the one place Xander could order a drink and not have to worry about being carded.

Giles approached him and sat down on an empty stool next to him. Xander had clearly already had a few too many drinks and didn't seem to be slowing down. Willy's wasn't the sort of place that cared if you got drunk and drove. He was in the midst of a one-sided conversation with Willy.

"See, I just think I’m too young. I am way, way too young. And Anya, she is way too old. I don't even get what she sees in me. I'm nothing. I never have been. And I should know. My dad's told me that about a million times. But you know what, I'm beginning to think he may have been on to something. Who am I kidding? Me, a husband? With a family?" Xander snorted and lifted his drink to his mouth with a shaky hand. He let out a sigh. "And now Giles is gone."

Willy looked up at that. "Yeah, I heard he was leaving."

"He left. Today."

"Why'd he leave? Buffy's still around, ain't she?"

"Sort of."

A couple of the vampires at a back table looked up at that. Giles tried to shush Xander and then let out a frustrated noise when again he remembered that he wasn't really there. Willy was curious. "What do you mean, sort of?"

Xander made a circle with his index finger by his temple. "She's a little whacked. I mean she can still kick butt with the best of them, but she's not quite right. And you know what? I did that to her. Yup, me, her bestest friend. And I knew we shouldn't do that spell. I knew it. Not because of what we were doing to her, but because the whole thing scared the shit out of me. But did I stop it? No, of course not. Act like I have balls? No siree, not Alexander Harris." He took another sip. "No, siree."

"And now Giles is gone, and it's never gonna be okay." Xander wiped away some tears that appeared in his eyes. "Giles left, he just left us." He slammed his hand down on the bar. "How the hell are we supposed to do this without him? Who's gonna be best man at my wedding? Who's gonna tell me what to do with my life?" He wiped his eyes again.

Giles vacated his seat quickly when someone sat on him. The two vampires who had been sitting at the back table were now sitting on either side of Xander. One of them spoke. "So, what's this you're saying about the Slayer?"

Xander looked from one to the other, a sickly smile on his face. "Who me? Did I say something?"

One of the vampires grabbed him around the throat. Willy started protesting. "Hey, come on, I don't want any trouble in here."

The vampire with his hand around Xander's throat stood up, dragging Xander up with him. "Fine, we'll just take it outside then."

Willy tried again. "What do you want with him? He's just a kid. Besides he's one of the Slayer's best friends. You don't want to make her angry."

The other vampire grinned. "Why not?" He vamped out and glared at Willy. "Besides, how's she gonna know? You're the only one in here. She finds out it was us, we'll know it was you who told, and that just might make us angry."

Xander was sobering up quickly. He was searching his pockets for a stake. Giles was searching through his as well. He began frantically looking for a weapon in the bar as the vampires began to escort Xander outside. Tiger rarely spoke in words, but he spoke now, his voice deep and resonant in Giles' mind. "You must not interfere."

"They're going to kill Xander." He was surprised when he was actually able to pick up a knife from behind the counter. Giles headed for the door only to find his way blocked by Tiger.

"My friend, listen to me. You must not interfere."

Giles tried to push by. He could see Xander; he could see the fear in his eyes. And Giles could see the pain on his face as the first vampire held him upright by the throat and the second vampire hit him over and over again. "Let me through. You have to let me through."

"You must remember. This is not real. But take warning. If you become real, if you become real enough to interfere, it will become real. This will become the present. The fact that you could pick up that knife shows that you are becoming real. You must remember."

Giles let out a heart-wrenching cry as the vampires started to feed. He beat on the glass, still trying to push his way past Tiger. Tiger tried again. "The only way to save the boy is to do nothing. You must not interfere."

Giles sank to the floor as he watched Xander's lifeless body fall to the ground, the vampires done with their feed. The knife fell out of his hand. It vanished and reappeared back under the counter. He started to sob, his heart breaking as he listened to the vampires laughing as they walked away. He cried for Xander, he cried for them all, and he cried for Buffy. Because Giles knew that some of these events he was being shown were happening simultaneously. And he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that as Xander was being killed by vampires, that Buffy was having sex with one, and that she would never forgive herself.

Tiger moved as close to Giles as he could, offering him his warmth and his strength as Giles lay sobbing on the floor. His eyes were compassionate and worried as he sent soothing and loving thoughts towards his friend. For he knew that there was much worse to come.

***

Buffy found herself in the back seat of Giles' BMW. He was sitting in the front seat, his fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel. Buffy looked around. They were at the high school. Giles must be picking Dawn up. She looked at the clock on the dashboard. 6 PM. What was Dawn doing here so late? It was already dark. Buffy looked around again, this time uneasily. Giles had obviously reached the end of his endurance as well as he got out of the car and headed up towards the main school building.

Buffy could sense the vampires before Giles did. She tried to warn him but she was invisible to him. He was almost to the school when they called out to him. There were five of them, and they had Dawn. "Watcher."

Giles looked up, his eyes fearful as he saw Dawn. "Dawn!" He made as if to go to her. Buffy realized she could sense his thoughts and his feelings, both his and Dawn’s.

One of the vampires jerked her arm up even higher behind her and she let out a cry. "Stay right there unless you want me to break her arm."

Giles stopped. "What do you want?"

"We want to make a trade. You give us the Slayer, and we'll give you back her sister."

Giles thought fast. These vampires must be new to town or they wouldn't be asking for Buffy. All he knew is that it was up to him to save Dawn. "All right." He held up both hands as he walked a little closer. "But why not take me instead? Let the girl go."

"Why would we want to do that?"

"Because I'm her Watcher. I'll be a more important hostage. Plus, if she doesn't come I have much more blood than this little girl does."

"Maybe we'll just take both of you." The vampires liked that idea.

Giles shook his head. "Then who'll deliver the message?"

That triggered a harsh debate. Dawn was glaring at Giles, shaking her head. Giles was ignoring her. Whatever happened, he'd make sure Dawn lived through this. The vampires moved closer to Giles. "Hold your hands up."

Giles complied. One of the vampires ran to him and yanked one of his arms down and behind his back, lifting it high. Giles winced. "Now let her go." The vampire did let her go and she ran to him. Giles embraced her quickly with his other arm and then he handed her the car keys. She didn't have her license yet but he had been giving her driving lessons and knew she could drive. "She's at the Magic Box. Go get her there."

Dawn's eyes widened and then she nodded. She knew Buffy wasn't there, but maybe Xander was, or somebody who could help them. She paused, reluctant to leave Giles. He prodded her. "Dawn, go." Dawn finally found her nerve and she flew to the car. With one last look at Giles she drove away.

Buffy looked around frustrated. Where the hell was she? She searched Giles' mind for the answer and the answers she found made her back away in denial. She was in bed. She was there all the time now, unless someone carried her someplace else. She had slipped away a few weeks back. Her life too much to bear, her memories of heaven too powerful to move past. She had started losing periods of time, having found a place deep within her mind that was more peaceful than the life she found herself in. And over time, she had gone there more and more until one day she never come back.

Giles and Dawn cared for her, they bathed her, and changed her. They had hoped she might come back but neither of them believed it, not anymore. And now, they hoped for her death, for her release, so she could go back home and finally rest.

She would not be coming to rescue Giles tonight. She would never rescue anyone again. Buffy looked up in horror as she realized what Giles' plan was. He was going to try and escape, even though he knew the odds were against him. He wanted the vampires to be gone when Dawn got back, so he had to try and get away. Because she would be back, whether she found any help or not. And odds were, she’d come back without help. Help was far and few between these days. And then they'd just kill her too if they were still here. But if he tried to escape, even if he died in the trying, they'd leave, because they'd have no hostage. Plus he figured he could take a couple with him.

All of this raced through Giles' mind and before Buffy could even try and do anything Giles had already reached for the stake in his pocket and plunged it into the heart of the vampire in front of him. The vampire holding him jerked up his arm and Buffy heard the bone snap. Giles grunted in pain but he pushed past it and staked a second vampire.

He stepped back and for a brief shining moment he had hope, hope that maybe he could pull this off, and make his escape. But he hadn't seen the vampire sneaking up behind him, who grabbed him in anger and snapped his neck. Buffy screamed as Giles fell to the ground. One of the vampires smacked the one who killed Giles. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"The bastard killed my brother."

"Yeah, well now we don't have a hostage." The three remaining vampires stared down at Giles.

The one who killed Giles spoke again. "So, I say we stay and do the Slayer anyway."

The other two looked at him like he was crazy. "Without a hostage? I don't think so. Not with only three of us."

"Well, shit."

"You got that right. You screwed this one up good."

"Well, he pissed me off." He shrugged his shoulders and the three of them, with one more look at Giles, walked off.

Buffy ran to Giles and crouched down next to him. His sightless eyes seemed to be staring right at her. She wished she could shut them, she wished she could touch him before he grew cold. Tears fell down her face, splashing onto his chest yet leaving no mark. She heard the squeal of tires. Dawn was back. And she was alone. She jumped out of the car brandishing a cross. Dawn looked around confused when she saw that no one was there, and then she saw the body. She screamed and ran for him.

Everything got hazy and vanished from Buffy’s sight. She felt Seeker's presence and slowly a new scene materialized in front of her.

Buffy let out a huge sigh of relief when she saw Giles standing before a seemingly fully functioning Buffy. His face was severe. "Buffy, this is the fifth night in a row you've been out all night."

"Get off it, Giles. You're not my dad."

"I never suggested I was. However, Dawn is your sister and you might want to take an interest in her life."

Buffy patted Giles on the chest. "That's what I've got you for. You're so much better at that than I am. I do the slay stuff, and you do the Dawn stuff."

"I find it hard to believe you've been out slaying all night long, all week long. There aren't that many vampires in the world."

"Ha, ha, good one Giles." At his glare she tried to placate him. "Okay, look, I'll be home tonight, we'll do the family dinner thing. Will that make you happy?"

"This isn't about making me happy."

"Fine, fine. It'll make Dawn happy. What time is dinner?"

Giles' eyes widened. "Buffy."

"What, I have to cook too? Sheesh, I'll pick up some pizza." She rolled her eyes and grabbing her purse she left.

Buffy stood there as she sorted through everyone's thoughts. She knew where this Buffy had been every night. She'd been having sex with Spike. Wild monkey sex. All night. She hadn't even patrolled most of those nights. All she wanted was to have sex with Spike. It was the only thing that made her feel alive. The rest of it was duty and obligation, and she hated it.

Buffy turned her attention to Giles. He had taken his glasses off and was pinching the bridge of his nose. After seeing him dead such a short time ago the familiar gesture caused her heart to clench. Then he looked up and she gasped. His eyes were so sad; she had never seen him look so sad. She flinched, tears coming to her eyes as she felt his overwhelming sorrow for how things had turned out.

He felt useless. He was an inadequate substitute father for Dawn, his Slayer was slipping more out of his grasp every day, and he felt his life had become a mere shadow of what he had been called to be. He felt as if he had failed everyone. Buffy, Dawn and himself. He wondered if he should just go home, he wondered why he hadn't gone home when he'd first thought of it earlier this year. He'd achieved nothing by staying and in fact, in retrospect, he believed he'd made it worse.

Giles put his glasses back on and he hardened his heart against the pain he felt at the thought of leaving Buffy. But he saw no other choice. Only if he were gone would she be forced to be available for Dawn and for her other obligations. As long as he was here, she'd turn to him to take care of it all. He picked up the phone and after looking up the number he called the airlines to make his reservation.

Again, Buffy felt Seeker's presence and the sensation that signified the transition from one future to the next. The room vanished from sight. She waited for the next future to appear with a heavy heart.

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