TITLE: Journey's End 7/10
AUTHOR: Rari Coss
EMAIL ADDRESS: RariCoss1956@yahoo.com
DISCLAIMER: It all belongs to Joss, the real king of the world, the WB, UPN, Fox, Mutant Enemy and anybody else who feels they own it. I’m just borrowing, lost in admiration, and then giving them back, memories wiped clean.
FEEDBACK: Absolutely.

Giles watched himself getting more and more confused. The only person he had seen was Willow. Willow worked at the shop with him for two days, helping him box up the supplies he wanted to keep, separating those things out from the supplies that could be returned, or used to offset the staggering losses that had accumulated.

Giles was partly numb because of the news of Xander’s death. And he was worried sick that he hadn’t been able to connect with Buffy. Willow said that Tara and Dawn were both sick with something contagious, and Anya, of course, was gone. Willow was a veritable fountain of information that rocked Giles to his core. Buffy was shunning them all, Buffy had staked Spike in a fit of jealous rage, Buffy had kicked Dawn out and hadn’t once asked after her. Buffy didn’t talk to them, or have them go on patrols anymore. She wouldn’t answer her door or her phone. Willow hadn’t talked with her for weeks. All of this accompanied by appropriate tears of concern, facial moue’s of dismay, all seemingly authentic.

As Giles watched, he willed himself to not believe what Willow was saying, to have faith in Buffy. His anger towards Willow was reaching explosive heights. He could feel his counterpart’s confusion grow and he honed in on his thoughts. His other self didn’t believe all that Willow was saying, but he believed enough to throw his world out of kilter. He knew something was wrong, he just couldn’t figure out what it was. He knew Willow was lying, he just didn’t know which parts were truth. What he did know was that he had to find Buffy.

He had gone to the house several times both yesterday and today, knocking loudly, trying the doors, trying to decide if he should just break in. He had chosen not to, although his resolve on that was weakening.

He still couldn’t believe Xander was dead, he didn’t think it had quite sunk in yet. He finally made some excuse to Willow and returned to his hotel room. Giles watched himself sit in the darkness, grief and tears eventually overcoming him and he felt his own eyes well up in response as they both mourned the passing of the young man he had come to love so dearly. Once his tears were spent, Giles watched himself get up, feeling his determination to find Buffy and not let another night go by without talking with her. Placing weapons about his person he headed out into the night. Giles stood to follow but the next step he took placed him in the cemetery, in front of Buffy.

***

Buffy found herself back in the library, arms tight around Seeker’s neck. Looking around she was shocked at the intensity of her longing for Giles. Somehow this place made her miss him more than she thought possible. Coupled with that was the excitement she felt at the thought of seeing him again. She could barely keep a grin off her face.

Suddenly the Shaman was there, standing before her. She looked up at him. She just blurted out the first thing that came to her. “I can be happy.”

He smiled. “Yes, you can.”

“I can be glad I’m alive, gladder than I was before.”

He nodded. “Yes. You have learned much on this journey.”

Before he could speak again Buffy had caught him in a powerful hug. “Thank you.”

“My child, I merely provided the way. You did all the work.”

Buffy just hugged him tighter. He held her until she moved away from him. She needed to know. “Can I choose which future I want?”

“The futures you saw were simply possibilities. What they showed you was what could be depending on the choices you make. You must now create your own future.”

“So I have to make Giles fall in love with me, marry me?”

The Shaman smiled. “Have you fallen in love with him?”

She threw her hands up. “Completely. Like from zero to sixty miles an hour in 10 seconds.” She screwed up her face in a nervous expression. “Will he fall in love with me? Do you know?”

“No, child, I do not ‘know’. But I do know how much of himself he has already given to you. Do you think it would be a large step for him to take to give you the rest?”

Buffy thought for a minute and then grinned. “Not according to that future Giles.” Then she pursed her lips. “So, you think he just needs a nudge? My Giles?”

“You alone must choose the path that will open his heart to you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, Obiwon-kenobe.” Her eyes widened as she grew concerned he might think she was being disrespectful but he laughed and she smiled back in relief. “Where is he? Can I see him?”

“He is still on his journey.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yes. He is nearing the end.”

“So, can I see him? I just want to see him for a minute.”

The Shaman considered for a moment and then nodded his head. He put his hand on her forehead and Buffy was back in her body, back in the room she started in. She rose and followed the Shaman deeper into the house. He unlocked a door and motioned for Buffy to enter. It was a bedroom, a huge canopied bed in the middle of it. Giles lay on the bed, looking like he was merely sleeping.

Buffy tiptoed in and sat in a chair by the side of the bed. She just drank him in. And as if he were a medicinal draught, parts of her began to heal and awaken inside of her. The Shaman chose not to disturb her and he quietly left.

***

There were too many of them. Buffy fought with a vengeance but with almost a giddy sense of relief she realized that it would at last be over. She would be done tonight. The last battle finally fought.

Giles and Tiger watched her, still a thing of beauty as she spun and flipped, kicking and staking, refusing to give up. They watched as she began to be overpowered. Giles stood up, knowing he mustn’t get involved and yet unable to just watch his Slayer die without intervening.

Buffy was being held firmly by two vampires while a third began to turn her head to bare her neck. Giles tried to get to her but Tiger kept getting in his way, growling menacingly. Turning his head at the sound of footsteps Giles sighed in relief when he saw himself approaching at full speed.

He yelled her name. “Buffy!” And then he struck, one after another, his stake killing the two vampires holding her. Now free, she had no recourse but to start to fight again and in time the remaining vampires were dead or had run away.

She turned to him, exploding in fury. “Why are you here? Why did you stop them?”

He stepped back, her mood and words unexpected. “Buffy, they would have killed you.”

“I wanted them too. Finally, it was over. I was going to be free, I was going home.”

“You can’t mean that.”

She laughed, a hollow, bitter sound. “You had no right to stop this.”

Giles could read his own thoughts, he knew what his next response would be and he knew it was the wrong one. But, helpless to change it he watched himself say it anyway. “I had every right to stop this.”

“Why? You left. You left me here.”

“It was for your own good.”

Buffy raised her stake as if she would thrust it in him and he took an involuntary step back. “My own good. My own good.” She lowered her stake. “You don’t know what I need.”

After watching everything Buffy had gone through Giles did know what she needed but he knew the Giles standing in front of her did not know, could not possibly know. Giles tried to project his thoughts, mentally screaming at himself. “Tell her you love her. Hold her. Make her feel human again.”

But instead he heard words that he knew would just drive Buffy farther away. “Buffy, I know it may not seem like it, but it was for the best. I had to go.” Seeing the anger grow in her eyes he tried again. “But, I’m back now. Tell me what you need me to do, tell me how I can help.”

Buffy opened her arms up wide. “Kill me. That’s what I need. That’s what I want. To be dead.”

He shook his head, his eyes wide with dismay. “No, Buffy. How can you say that?” He reached for her. “Come home with me. You shouldn’t be out here.”

She moved away. “Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me. Just go away. They’ll come back eventually if you leave, and hopefully they’ll win.”

He shook his head again. “I cannot allow that.”

“It’s not up to you, not anymore.”

“Buffy, I’m still your Watcher.”

Buffy was in front of him in an instant and her hands slammed into his chest knocking him back a few feet. He barely kept his balance. “You are not my Watcher. I have no Watcher. I hate you.”

He approached her again, his heart not believing her words. She hit him in the chest again and he fell this time. She stood over him, all her rage, all her frustration, centered on him, with a single-minded focus that was devastating in its intent.

Giles could see that she was almost gone, that her last tenuous connection with her humanity was fraying at a terrifying rate. And he knew that she would never recover if she hurt him, she’d never crawl out of that black abyss. This would kill her as surely as the vampires would. And Giles couldn’t stand by and watch it. His need to protect Buffy, any Buffy, was too entrenched, too instinctual.

He yelled at himself. “It’s not too late, get up, tell her you’re sorry, wrap your arms around her and don’t let go.” But he knew his words could not be heard. Reaching down deep inside of himself he caught hold of a part of his spirit and he threw it, projecting it out, in hopes that the other Giles might sense it, might understand what needed to be done. Tiger knew he was doing something and he threw himself on Giles, knocking him flat, but it was too late, the body underneath him lying too still. Tiger could feel reality start to shift. Tiger spoke to Giles, trying to reach him, trying to get him to return, trying to remind him that he was making it real by doing this, but it had no impact. And he felt reality shift again.

Giles dragged himself to his feet, facing Buffy, his hands up to try and stave her off, still not believing that she could be attacking him. “Buffy.”

In her mind, he had become her enemy. She backhanded him across the face.

***

Buffy had moved to the edge of the bed, wanting to be nearer to Giles. She frowned as she felt a funny tingly sensation on the back of her hand. Giles grunted and his head jerked to the side, his cheek reddening. The Giles under Tiger also jerked and in a panic Tiger, with a roar of anguish, sent for the Shaman.

***

Buffy backhanded him again, harder.

***

Buffy’s hand tingled again. Giles’ head jerked to the other side and some blood flew out of his mouth. Buffy gasped. In the pit of her stomach, a part of her that was filling with dread, she knew that wherever Giles was, that she was hitting him, she was hurting him.

The Shaman flew into the room. Buffy looked up, frantic. “What’s happening to him? Why am I hurting him?” Giles’ torso moved as if he’d been kicked in the stomach. He groaned. Buffy let out a cry. “Make it stop.”

The Shaman put his hand to Giles’ forehead, trying to sense him, sense where he was. “He is in grave danger. He has left his path.”

Giles grunted again as a bruise began to blossom on his cheek. Buffy’s hand burned. For no reason she began to feel angry.

The Shaman turned to her. “His actions are changing reality. If he continues, the future he is in will become the present. I must go to him. You must call him.”

She was frantic and confused. “Call him what?”

“Talk to him. Tell him it isn’t real. Tell him to come home to you.” He pointed at Giles, commanding her. “Do it, now.”

She moved even closer to Giles and as the Shaman began to disappear from sight she began yelling at Giles.

***

He was on the ground, barely conscious, his arms wrapped around himself in a futile effort to ward off her blows. Giles was trying to connect but the mind he found himself in was too scattered, in too much pain, too distraught for reason. Giles felt the emotions begin to claim him as well but he fought them. Giles tried to force the mouth of this body to speak, still determined to protect Buffy from the repercussions of this deadly act.

Giles was not even aware when the Shaman appeared. The Shaman and Tiger instantly communicated and then they both began to speak to Giles. He ignored them, his concentration still on Buffy, although the physical and emotional pains were starting to take a stronger hold. And as it drew him in, Giles, despite his understanding of what had driven Buffy to this, couldn’t fight the sense of betrayal that grew within his breast, a part of him weeping that after all this time, after all their time together, after all they’d been through, that his death would be by Buffy’s hand.

***

With tears streaming down her face Buffy pleaded with Giles. She let out a scream of dismay when she could almost feel her foot connecting with his body. The force of it flipped him practically to his stomach. Her rage continued to grow and she found herself getting more and more angry with Giles. She used it. She flipped him onto his back and she sat on him, straddling his waist. Buffy grabbed his shoulders and shook him, screaming at him. “Giles, you have to come home. You have to come home to me.” She slapped him across the face.

As her rage grew Buffy began to feel a sensation of being pulled, no one was physically touching her but it felt as if there was. She felt as if someone was reaching inside of her and yanking something out. Unaware, her body fell, falling on top of Giles’, and Buffy found herself thrust into a scene of chaos. She saw herself, killing Giles, brutally. Or she was killing one Giles. Another Giles was lying underneath a huge tiger that was loudly growling out his unhappiness. To its side stood the Shaman, his eyes closed, his hands reaching out as, here as well, he mentally sought out Giles. His eyes shot open when he sensed her presence.

“Buffy, you cannot be here. You must not interfere.”

Buffy was in tears. “I didn’t mean to come here. Something pulled me here. Where am I? What’s happening?” There was panic in her voice. She looked at herself again, at what she was doing to Giles. Buffy’s face was tight with horror. “I’m killing him. Why am I killing him?” Against her wishes she felt herself drawn to the other Buffy, drawn to her rage, and she took a step in her direction.

The Shaman stopped her. “Reality is shifting, she is pulling you in. You will not be able to resist if you stay, you are not strong enough here. Even I will be unable to assist you. You must return to your body, you must continue to call for him.”

Buffy shook her head. “I don’t know how. I don’t even know how I got here.” She looked at the Shaman, pointing at the other Buffy. “You have to stop me.” Her anger was starting to crowd her mind and her voice was shrill with fear and confusion.

The Shaman put his hand on her forehead and closed his eyes. “No, I cannot. I must send you back.”

Buffy looked at herself again and then at Giles lying on the ground, battered almost beyond recognition. Buffy screamed, her heart near bursting with all the pain she was feeling. “Giles! Giles!”

Giles, somehow, through the maelstrom of pain and emotions, heard Buffy cry out for him. He heard the distress in her voice. He tried to look at her but the body he was currently in was dying, unable to lift its head, its spine snapped. He needed to see her; he had to see her. In his disembodied and unreasoning state he was unable to discern that there were two Buffys. All he knew was that Buffy was crying for him and it was imperative he get to her. And with that thought, with that simple desire, he snapped back into his body, only to find himself being squashed by Tiger.

As the Shaman sent Buffy back to her body Giles began pummeling Tiger. “Get off of me, you hairy fur ball.”

Tiger jumped off of him, startled yet delighted at his return. He licked Giles from his jaw to his hairline. Giles spit out Tiger saliva. He looked up at the Shaman about to ask where Buffy was, when he heard her.

Giles slowly turned his head to look, dreading what he would see. Buffy was kneeling at his side, sitting at the side of his now dead body, the heels of her hands pressing hard against her eyes. She was rocking, screaming in agony, the sounds inhuman. The Shaman looked sadly at Giles. “You must finish this.”

Giles nodded, feeling an exhaustion in his spirit that sapped all his strength. “I know.” He looked at Tiger. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t…” Tiger butted him with his huge head. Giles knew that no apologies were necessary. The Shaman spoke for them both. “She is a part of you, Rupert. You are meant to protect her. I’m only sorry this has been so difficult for you, that you have had to watch her suffer so much.”

Giles’ lips tightened. He knew it had been necessary. He looked up at the Shaman. “I’m all right.” The Shaman knew he wasn’t, but he had faith that he would be. In time. The Shaman sat on one side of Giles while Tiger pressed hard against him on his other. Giles could feel when Buffy just gave up, her valiant spirit losing the will to live, to fight. He watched as the vampires returned and grabbed her, yanking her away from his body. And he watched as they took turns feeding on her. His heart felt as if it was being ripped from his body. His hands were clenched so tightly he knew he was drawing blood with his fingernails.

When they had finished and after they had discarded her body Giles stood and walked towards her. He heard a warning growl from Tiger and he looked back. He smiled sadly, saying again, “I’m all right.” Giles fell to his knees beside her, taking in the multiple bite wounds. They had all wanted to taste Slayer blood, his Buffy’s blood. He knew they’d be boasting about it for the rest of their undead lives and he longed to stake them all before they could utter a word. He was unable to touch her but he got as close to her as he could and he whispered in her ear. “I’ll not leave you, Buffy. I swear. I’ll never leave you.” He looked back at his guide and his teacher and he nodded. He was done here.

NEXT