TITLE: Magic 11/14
AUTHOR: Rari Coss
DISCLAIMER: It all belongs to Joss, the real king of the world, the WB, UPN, Fox, Mutant Enemy and anybody else who feels they own it. Im just borrowing, lost in admiration, and then giving them back, memories wiped clean.
FEEDBACK: Absolutely.

Giles kept walking. After a couple of hours had passed he could hear the guards falling behind. He turned to them at one point. “You don’t need to keep up. I’ll be back. I’ll find you.” He didn’t wait for their answer, just walked a little faster until the sound of them trying to follow him receded into the distance.

When dark fell, Spike awoke. He walked out into the living room to find four of the guards and Willow sitting there. One of the guards, the guard who had watched Giles grow his garden was pacing, occasionally going to the window and looking out. One of the guards spoke to him. “Jim, will you sit down, you’re making us all crazy.”

Jim ignored him, continuing his pacing. He gestured outside. “Why isn’t he back?” They heard the worry in his voice. They knew his allegiance had shifted. He knew it too. Somehow he had gone from protecting the world from Giles, to protecting him. They all felt that shift, not only in Jim but also in themselves. They’d been with him one day and he’d changed something fundamental within them all. Here was a man, their hearts cried, worth keeping alive.

Spike spoke. “Who’s missing?” He looked around the room and his eyes narrowed. “Where’s Giles?”

Willow jumped when he spoke; she hadn’t even heard him come in. She started telling him what had happened, explaining about the cans, about the magic, what she’d felt inside of Giles. She told Spike what Giles had said about Angel and that then he’d left, saying he’d be back in a while.

Spike looked at the guards. “Did someone go with him?”

Aaron nodded. “Todd and Peter.”

“They’re not back yet either?” All five of them shook their heads at him. As Spike’s demeanor got angrier a couple of the guards swallowed. They weren’t particularly comfortable being in the same room with an angry vampire, not without Giles there at any rate. Spike looked at Willow. “How long has he been gone?” At Willow’s grimace Spike asked again, even angrier. “How bloody long?”

Willow glanced at the clock on the wall. “About eight hours.”

Spike glared at her. “Eight hours? He’s been gone eight hours?” He went back to his room and threw on his leather duster. He came back out and headed for the door.

Willow spoke. “Can I go with you? He might be hurt.”

Spike looked back at her. “He won’t be hurt, not that way. And if you come with me you’ll just slow me down.” Spike looked at the guards. “Don’t bother to follow, you can’t keep up. If he’s out there, I’ll find him.” He glared at them all. “Fucking eight hours? Why haven’t any of you gone after him?”

Willow answered trying to calm him. “It never occurred to us he might not come back. He left with two guards. By the time we got worried we knew we’d never find him, not if he didn’t want to be found.” She tightened her lips. “I know he’s coming back, I know he wouldn’t just leave us.”

Spike looked back at her. “No, he wouldn’t. Don’t worry, I’ll find him.”

Mike looked at Spike. “Todd and Peter?”

“If they don’t slow me down looking for Giles, I’ll find them too.” He swept out the door.

***

Jensen had watched the whole exchange. He’d seen Spike leave. He rested his hands on his desk wondering how the hell everything had fallen apart so quickly. He’d hand picked these men; they were the best. He saw the effect Giles was having on them. He knew there was no point in replacing them. The same thing would probably just happen again.

As he sat there and thought about it he could only come to two conclusions. Either Giles was far more dangerous than he had previously thought and he could use his magic to bend people’s wills, or Giles was simply a man who engendered loyalty. Which to Jensen’s point of view didn’t make him any less dangerous, it simply meant a different strategy was called for. He sat there, deep in thought, absently watching the monitor, watching as they waited for Giles to return.

***

Giles had no idea how much time had gone by until it had started getting dark. The usual urges that indicate the passage of time didn’t pull on him. He didn’t need to rest, he didn’t get thirsty or hungry, and he was unconcerned about getting lost. He just knew he was alone and free, for the first time in as long as he could remember.

His thoughts were dark at first. The negative feelings the magic provoked in him took a while to disperse. But as he walked and eventually found forest he allowed himself to be distracted by the beauty around him. He intermittently used his magic. He bolstered a tree here or there, he left a bonanza of nuts for the squirrels to find, he sent out calming thoughts to the occasional wild animal he saw so he could pass them without causing them fear. This new side of his magic that he’d discovered last night was like a healing balm for his battered heart. He thirsted for it and it drew him on as he walked further and further. As the light began to dim he realized with a start that he must have been gone for hours. He turned and looked back from where he came. He just stood there for a while, knowing he should head back but feeling reluctant. Finally thoughts of Willow motivated him and with a sigh he began to head back.

Spike could sense Giles’ magic as if it were a beacon. He moved quickly in the darkness unerringly sure of his direction. So keen was he on following Giles that he might have passed the guards by if he hadn’t heard one of them talk to the other. He still considered passing by but he allowed himself a brief deviation and he found them. They looked up startled when he burst into the clearing, one of the guards in a defensive posture over the other. When Todd saw it was Spike he wasn’t sure whether to relax or not. Spike looked at the man on the ground. “What happened to him?”

Peter grimaced. He was disgusted with himself. “I think I broke my ankle.”

At Spike’s raised eyebrows Todd chimed in. “He walked on it for about two miles before he went down. I didn’t even know he’d hurt it that badly. He said he’d just pulled it.” He sat Peter a scathing look.

Peter defended himself. “Hey, I thought I did. I figured I’d walk it out.” Todd rolled his eyes.

Spike looked at Todd. “Why didn’t you go get help?”

Todd shook his head. “I didn’t want to leave him or go back without Giles. I figured he’d be back this way sooner or later.” He looked at his watch and made a face. “I did figure he’d back a little sooner than this.” He made the connection. “You chasing him down?” At Spike’s nod he settled down next to Peter. “Go, we’ll be here.” Spike nodded again and he took off.

An hour passed. The magic grew stronger and Spike didn’t even need to follow it. It began to call to him again. He knew Giles was close. Then he saw him. Spike’s relief at seeing him and seeing that he was fine rapidly coalesced into anger. He walked up behind Giles. “Where the bloody hell have you been?”

Giles smiled at him and put his finger over his lips, shushing Spike. “Shh, look.” He pointed and then made a disappointed noise as the owl he’d been watching lifted its wings and took flight. Giles followed it with his eyes until it was lost in the trees. Giles had been crouching as he watched and now he stood. He leaned back against a tree and looked at Spike.

Spike just looked right back. He could feel Giles’ magic and he could see the light of it in Giles’ eyes. Spike wasn’t fooled. After last night he understood Giles. Despite the light, the shadows there ran deep. He knew suddenly why Giles had been gone so long. “Have you been pretending that you could actually run away?”

Giles looked at the ground. “I suppose I have. Silly isn’t it?”

Spike shook his head. “No. As long as you know it’s just pretend.”

Giles tightened his lips and the sadness increased in his eyes. “I do.” He slowly eased himself to the ground, sitting with his back against the tree. “I do know.”

Spike lowered himself down to the ground as well. He sat Indian style across from Giles. He was in no hurry to get back now that he had found Giles. Giles looked up at him. “Have I made everyone worry?”

Spike shrugged. “They’ll get over it.” Giles sighed. He looked at the ground and picked up a leaf lying there. He ran his fingers over it. Spike wanted to talk. “Willow told me what you said about Angel.”

Giles stilled and then after a moment he shifted, uncomfortable, and sighed. “Why did she tell you that?”

“She thought it might explain why you left, why you hadn’t come back.”

Giles shook his head. “I never really understood.” He looked down at himself, raised a hand and turned it, looking at it. “I never understood how a being could let their body do something and not somehow be able to control it.” He sent Spike a rueful look. “You made it even harder to forgive him.”

Spike’s eyes opened wide and he pointed at himself. “Me, what the bloody hell did I have to do with it?”

Giles softly laughed. “Because I saw you control it. I saw you choose not to kill, I saw you love Buffy. I saw you choose to help.” He shook his head. “It just made me despise him more, for choosing to kill.”

“The only thing that stopped me from killing was that chip. I’d have continued to try and kill you all if it hadn’t been for that sodding chip.”

Giles shook his head. “You don’t have the chip now. You haven’t had it for a while, and you still chose to be friends with Willow, to keep her and Xander safe, to save my life, to come here and rescue me. You make decisions all the time to not give in to the demon inside you.”

Spike let Giles’ words run through him. “Do you somehow think that I’m better than you because of that, because I choose not to kill? Because you think I can control what’s inside me where you couldn’t?” At Giles’ silence Spike stood up in anger. “Jesus, Giles, how could you possibly think that?” Spike laughed bitterly, the concept bringing him no enjoyment.

He paced as he spoke angrily. “I am a vampire. I’m not much more than a bloody animal.” When Giles started to protest Spike ignored him and pushed on. “I spent over 150 years relishing in it. I killed who I wanted to, when I wanted to. I destroyed families, villages, I killed two slayers, and I didn’t regret any of it, still don’t. I don’t regret anything I’ve done. As far as I’m concerned they all fucking deserved to die. Until I got that chip in my head I didn’t care about anything or anyone except for Dru and me.” He paused and let out a short laugh, thinking of Dru. “And we all know how well that worked out.”

Giles raised his eyebrows, his head nodding in agreement with Spike.

Spike continued, voice tense, needing to make Giles understand. “You have spent most of your life fighting evil, trying to make the world a safer place. Fighting demons like me, demons who don’t care about humanity, who don’t give a fuck who lives or dies.” He paused, standing over Giles. “This thing that happened with you and the magic. That was a detour. It was an infection, something that pulled you off course. But it’s not who you are.” He crouched down in front of Giles. “I saw you. I saw what you could do and how strong you were. I’ve never seen anything stronger or anything more evil.” He poked Giles in the chest. “But you fought it and you won. You fought it at the end because it was going to kill Willow. You conquered it. If you hadn’t we’d all be dead and Sunnydale wouldn’t even be a spot on the map.” Spike reached for a cigarette, lighting one.

“You tried to forgive Angel, and you treated him decent, just like you treat me decent, and that makes you better than most.” He pointed off into the darkness, his cigarette in hand. “I think if Angel were to walk in here right now and ask you to forgive him, that you would.” He picked up a piece of bark and he snapped it. “You’d forgive him because you understand now. There was no way you could forgive him without understanding what it meant to have something possess you so thoroughly.”

“Buffy forgave him.”

Spike let out a short laugh. “No she didn’t. But she wanted to be with him so she found a way to live with it. She made it all her fault. Her fault that she slept with him, her fault that she didn’t kill him so he could kill Jenny. Her fault that he tortured you. She just shifted the blame, but there was never any forgiveness.”

Giles ran his hands over his face. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. Spike wasn’t finished. “Giles, these people who haunt you. Let them go. I know you feel guilty, but it won’t change anything. They’ll end up crippling you. They’ll never understand that whatever that was that hurt them, that it wasn’t you. Don’t let them destroy you.” Spike captured Giles eyes. “And me? Don’t ever think I’m better than you. When I got that chip it was in my best interest to cultivate all of you, to act as if we were friends.” He shook his head. “Even after the chip failed, I still just did what I wanted to. I still fed and killed. I still did it without remorse. The caring, the choosing not to kill, that’s the detour for me. But it’s not who I am.” He stopped and waited.

Giles watched him for a minute and then finally spoke. “I don’t believe that. I don’t believe it’s just a detour.”

Spike turned his head away and then met Giles’ eyes again. “No, I don’t suppose it is anymore.” He looked away again, his emotions strong. He took a deep breath. “I don’t know what the hell you did to me last night but you changed me.” He looked again at Giles. “You saw me last night. You saw who I was, you saw the demon in me, and you…” Spike swallowed, the memories still rich and powerful. He hesitated saying the word but it was the truth so he faced it. “…and you loved me. And now, because of it, I don’t know who I am or where I belong.” Spike ran his hands through his hair.

Giles gazed at him tenderly. “You belong here with me.”

Spike nodded slowly, letting out a slow breath. “I’m still a demon.”

Giles smiled softly at Spike. “I know. And I’m still a man who gets too easily lost in his past. I need you and Willow to remind me that there’s a life to be lived, a life worth living.”

Spike pursed his lips, nodding. He’d said what he’d needed to say. He stood and reached down a hand to Giles and pulled him up. He gestured with his head, back in the direction of their quarters “One of the guards is hurt. I found them on the way here.”

Giles gasped. “Why didn’t you say something?”

Spike rose too. “I just did. You came first.”

Giles put his hand on Spike’s shoulder and squeezed. “Show me where they are.” Spike nodded and the two of them sped off back the way they’d come.

Todd’s head turned as he heard them approach. He grinned in relief when he saw Giles. Giles walked over to them and crouched down. “I’m sorry. I had no idea.” He looked at Peter. “What happened?”

Peter winced. The pain had been growing worse. “I put my foot in a hole. Stupid, stupid, stupid.” He shook his head.

Todd stood up. “Between the three of us we should be able to carry him back.”

Giles shook his head. “I don’t believe that’s necessary.” He put his hands out, looking at Peter for permission. At Peter’s nod he gently laid his hands on Peter’s ankle. Giles closed his eyes. He reached out and sent his magic into Peter. Just as he’d asked the plants to grow, he asked the bone to knit. He used some of his magic to lesson the pain. They all felt the magic and both Spike and Todd let it flow through them. Peter just stared at Giles, awestruck as he watched Giles heal him and as he felt the healing magic flow through his body.

Giles frowned as he slowly reassured himself that everything was as it should be. He nodded and opened his eyes. He smiled at Peter. He stood and put out his hand to him. Peter slowly reached up and allowed Giles to pull him to his feet. He gingerly took a step and then another. He shook his head and looked at Giles. “How...?” He grinned. “I guess if you can grow a jungle, a broken bone would be a piece of cake.”

Giles grinned back. “It should be perfectly fine now.” He looked at them both. “We still have a ways to go. Do you feel up to it?” They both nodded. The magic had energized them beyond belief. Giles indicated for them to go and the four of them moved out, the bright moonlight making it easier for the guards to find their footing in the dark.

It had been over three hours since Spike had left. They were all sitting in essentially the same spots. Once Spike was gone, the four guards had started asking Willow questions about Giles. She had answered them all, waxing enthusiastic about her favorite subject. She had given away more than she realized regarding her feelings for the man. She had also increased their respect for Giles, and for Spike. None of them had quite figured out how Spike fit in. They still didn’t for the most part but there was no doubt that protecting Giles seemed to be a regular pastime for Spike and that made him all right in their eyes. Jensen had listened too, his lips pursed as he learned about Giles through the eyes of someone who loved him.

So, now they all waited for Giles to return. Jim had stopped pacing and just stood at the window. Suddenly he moved to the door. “He’s back, they’re all back.” He sped out the door. Willow was right behind him.

Jim stopped as he got up to them but Willow didn’t. She just kept going and threw herself at Giles. He wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry Willow. I didn’t mean to be gone so long.”

Her answer was muffled. “I’m just glad you’re back.” She pulled back and looked at him. “Are you okay?”

He smiled gently down at her, his arms still tight around her. He looked over at Spike and then back down at her. He nodded. “Yes, I am.” She smiled at him and moving to his side, her arm still around him, she walked with him into the building.

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