TITLE: Mexico 4/9
AUTHOR: Rari Coss
E-MAIL ADDRESS: RariCoss1956@yahoo.com
DISCLAIMER: It all belongs to Joss, the WB, UPN, Fox, Mutant Enemy and anybody else who feels they own it. Oh, and I have no idea who owns Scarecrow and Mrs. King but I’m sure they have much more money than I do and I’m only playing.
FEEDBACK: Absolutely.

Giles stood in the doorway and watched Willow and Xander sleeping. Xander had woken up occasionally, but was still exhausted, his battle with Willow having clearly taken its toll. But even when awake, other than taking care of necessities, he hadn’t wanted to leave Willow’s side, not wanting her to wake up alone.

Giles was sure that Willow had been awake a few times but no one had been able to catch her at it, and she refused to respond to entreaties to wake up. Giles could only imagine the mental and emotional pain she was in. Actually, he was sadly certain he was all too familiar with the pain, as he had also caused the death of someone through his own embracing of dark magic.

He knew he was probably the only one who would be able to help Willow now. Well, he and Xander. Xander’s love, and Giles’ personal experience and magical expertise. But he couldn’t help if Willow wouldn’t talk to either of them. He was deathly afraid that she might just drift away, unable to face her own inner demons and the devastation she had wrought because of them.

Giles couldn’t find it inside of himself to blame her. Oh, he supposed he could blame her for that spell she did on Buffy, that spell that foolishly left too many doors open inside of her, a welcome invitation for the twisted side of magic to slowly take control. But even that he could understand. He’d been young and incredibly foolish himself, and been willing to take the fates on with that glorious delusion of grandeur that magic bestowed.

He just wasn’t sure how to get through to her. Everyone she knew right now, everyone who loved her the most, she had hurt, one way or the other. Giles knew that accepting help from any of them would be difficult for Willow. Giles scowled. What she needed was a mother who gave a damn about her. Little chance of that happening.

With another sigh, Giles turned and headed downstairs. Dawn had just left to go spend the night at Janice’s. So, that left Buffy. He joined her in the kitchen. She looked up. “Anything?”

Giles shook his head. “She’s still asleep. Or pretending to be asleep.”

Buffy leaned against the counter. “Will she be okay?”

“I don’t know, Buffy. Hopefully she just needs time.”

“Can she still use her magic if she wants to? I mean, can she turn back into that thing that tried to kill you, tried to kill all of us?”

“That will always be a part of her. As sorry as I am that she had to go through this, perhaps this will finally teach her what can happen when magic gets out of control and that it must be controlled.”

Buffy smiled softly at Giles. “She’s lucky she has you, someone who can understand. Most people wouldn’t. But then most people wouldn’t have come and helped at all once they’d had the good sense to leave in the first place.”

Giles’ lips tightened. “I never should have left. This might not have happened if I’d stayed.”

“She was already going bad, Giles, before you left. You know that. She was on a way one trip to being the wicked witch of the east.” Buffy turned back to the stove. “The important thing is that you came back and you got her back.” Her voice tightened. “Even if it was going to kill you.”

Giles walked over to her. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

Buffy spun quickly and faced him, her eyes bright. “What was I supposed to do when I found out you were dead? Hmm? How was I supposed to deal with that? I mean, you show up, and do the big rescue scene and then you die? That’s not the way it’s supposed to happen.”

Giles rested a hand on her shoulder. “You of all people know that life rarely happens the way it should. But every now and then it can surprise us, and things don't turn out as badly as they might have. I appreciate your concern, Buffy, truly I do, but I'm fine.”

Buffy looked up at him, and their gazes locked for a moment. Giles was captured by the longing and concern on her face, and Buffy was drinking in the affection on his. Then, for a moment, it didn’t feel like enough, and they both wanted more. Giles’ hand rose from her shoulder and moved to her neck, his thumb caressing her jaw. Without moving her eyes from his, Buffy was shaking off the potholder on her one hand, and trying to place the spatula on the counter with the other so she could touch him, hug him, connect with him.

The doorbell rang. Giles dropped his hand and took a step back. He stammered. “I...I’ll just go and uh...see who that is.”

Buffy just nodded, not sure what had just happened, but knowing that she felt like strangling whoever was at the door for their rotten timing.

Giles opened the door and saw a very attractive man and woman there. He noticed that it was just dark. He stepped back away from the door a few inches. “Yes? May I help you?”

The woman spoke. “We’re so sorry to bother you when it’s this late. I’m Amanda King, and this is Lee Stetson. We’re here about the store.”

Giles’ brow furrowed. “The store?”

“Yes, you met one of our colleagues earlier, Francine Desmond? She called us in to give her a hand.”

The man took over. “We know it’s late but there’s just never enough hours in the day, are there? We just want to ask you a few questions and then we’ll get out of your hair.”

Buffy walked out of the kitchen and stood next to Giles. She glanced up at him, her eyebrows lifted, a question in her eyes.

Giles answered the unvoiced question. “They say they’re with the insurance company that covers the store.”

“You mean like that blond woman today?”

“Yes.” Giles was frowning. That woman today was more than she had let on, and he suspected these two were as well. He had dealt with this insurance company too many times already and this wasn’t how they operated. He stepped away from the door and implied an invitation, without actually speaking the words.

They both crossed the threshold and Giles and Buffy exchanged a small look of relief. Amanda and Lee exchanged a look as well, aware that there was something going on, some undercurrent that they weren't privy to.

Giles allowed them in but invited them no further. “I’d like to see some identification please.”

Lee and Amanda exchanged looks again. Amanda spoke. “What sort of identification?”

Giles gave them both a patient look. “Identification that might make me actually believe you work for my insurance company.”

Lee threw out a laugh. “Well, that’s a new one.” He gave Amanda a look as if to silently commiserate about the eccentricities of their customers.

Buffy moved a few feet away until she could keep an eye on the two visitors and protect Giles if they proved to be something dangerous.

Amanda opened up her wallet and pulled out her license. “See, Amanda King.” She smiled a very nice smile at Giles.

Giles found it hard not to smile back. He just nodded. “Thank you. Now, please let me see an ID badge, or a business card, or some paperwork with my insurance company’s logo on it.” When they both hesitated he sighed. “I know you’re not from my insurance company, so let’s stop playing games and tell me why you’re here.”

Another look was passed between the two. Lee broke the silence. “We’re looking for Jonathan Levinson.”

Amanda and Lee watched as two sets of eyes quickly glanced toward the stairs. Giles shook his head. “Why are you looking for Jonathan?”

Buffy jumped in. “And why are you pretending to be someone you’re not while you’re looking for him?”

Amanda tried to redirect. “Do you know him?”

Buffy nodded. “I went to high school with him. What’s up? Why are you looking for him?”

“His father’s looking for him. We’re just helping him.”

Giles was exasperated. “By lying? Why didn’t you just ask? I don’t understand the reason for your pretense.”

Buffy folded her arms over her chest. “Doesn’t exactly make us want to trust you, you know.”

Lee realized it was time to start over, not time to tell the truth, but time to start over. “You’re right, of course. It’s just that we’ve asked a few people about him and we’ve gotten some odd answers. We thought we might find out more by beating around the bush.” He let out a soft laugh. “Sorry, didn’t mean to make you nervous. We’re sort of new at this.”

Amanda laughed. “Yeah, it’s not like we’re spies or anything.” She and Lee both laughed.

Giles just looked at the two of them.

Amanda forged on. “So, do you know where he is? His father’s very worried about him.”

Buffy’s voice was hard and definite. “No, we don’t.”

Amanda gestured toward the living room. “Do you mind if we sit for a minute? It’s been a long day.”

Giles decided to play along for the time being. “Of course.” He gestured an invitation.

Before Amanda sat she leaned toward Giles. “I’m sorry, but could you tell me where your bathroom is?”

Giles nodded and pointed down the hall. “First door on the right.”

She smiled. This time he couldn’t help but smile back. She really did seem very nice. “I’ll just be a minute.” She sent Lee a look and he nodded.

Giles and Buffy sat down on the couch, Lee across from them. Lee started right in, wanting to cover for Amanda. He had no doubt she was going to try and get upstairs to see what these two were hiding. “Maybe you could just tell me when you last saw him.”

Giles and Buffy exchanged another look and Lee suppressed a sigh. Francine was right about these people. They were definitely lying about something and not doing a very good job hiding it.

***

Amanda raced quietly up the stairs and started peeking in doorways. All the rooms were empty until she got to the master bedroom. A young man and woman were sleeping on the bed. Amanda felt a pull on her heartstrings when she glanced at the young redhead. Something in her face, even while sleeping, looked so sad. Too sad, for someone so young.

Amanda wondered if the young man were Jonathan. She found herself entering the room, her compassionate nature overcoming her need for secrecy. She sat softly on the side of the bed next to the young woman. She didn’t understand why she felt so compelled to reach out to her, but Amanda followed through on the instinct, and ran her hand softly down the red hair.

A shiver ran down the young woman’s body and Amanda stroked her hair again. She found herself crooning to her as if to her own child. “It’ll be all right. You’ll see. It’ll all work out.” She kept caressing the hair, brushing wisps of it off the porcelain face.

Willow felt as if she were coming out of an endless nightmare. Every other time she felt this close to surfacing she fought to dive again, the fear of her current reality, of what she’d done, too much to even begin to deal with. But this time, this time, something felt safer about it. Her eyes opened and the first thing she saw was Xander, lying next to her, asleep. Then she realized that whoever was touching her was on the other side. She didn’t recognize the voice but it was compelling, soft, and loving.

Willow cautiously turned over and looked at the stranger sitting there. Amanda’s heart almost broke at the look in her eyes. She smiled. “Hi.”

Willow’s voice was barely audible. “Hi.”

Amanda kept softly touching her, brushing her hair back, consoling her with her touch and her smile.

Willow’s eyes drifted closed again, soaking in the tenderness. Her eyes opened again. “Who are you?”

“Amanda.” Amanda watched as her eyes drifted shut again. “Are you all right?”

Willow covered her face with her hands at the question and she shook her head.

Amanda wanted to take her in her arms. She really wanted to. She didn’t think she’d ever seen anyone who needed a hug more. Giving in to the temptation Amanda leaned down and wrapped her arms around her, lifting her up a little, resting her head on her breast.

Willow had no idea who this woman was, but she knew love when she felt it, and she needed it desperately. She found herself holding the woman back, and then she was sobbing in her arms.

Amanda rocked her, still crooning, tears forming at the sheer depths of misery in the cries. “It will be all right.”

Willow shook her head. “No, no, it will never be all right.”

“It will. Things always work out.”

“Not this time. Not after what I did.”

“Shhh…shhhh.” Amanda continued to rock her and she closed her eyes. When she reopened them she found herself staring at the young man.

His eyes glued to her, he inched closer to Willow and touched her back. “Hey, Willow.”

Willow cried harder. “You must hate me. You must all hate me so much.”

Xander shook his head. “Not true, Will. I love you. We all love you.”

“I tried to kill you.”

Xander shot a nervous look at the woman but he was too concerned about Willow's needs not to respond. “That wasn’t you.”

“It was me.”

“Listen, it was the magic. It wasn’t you. And who should know that better than me? I’ve known you since you were five.”

“How can you even look at me? How can Giles…?”

Xander tried again. “Willow. You know that there is no one in the world who gets what you must be going through better than Giles. Right? I mean, you know that. And he’s going to help you, we’re all going to help you. All of us love you, and none of us are giving up, so you can’t give up.”

Willow burrowed her head on Amanda’s shoulder. “Oh, Xander. How did it all go so wrong?”

Xander’s eyes were bright for a moment as they met the tear-filled eyes of the stranger holding his friend. “I don’t know. I just don’t know. But we’ll find our way back. We all will. I promise.”

He watched as Willow gave the smallest of nods and then started crying again. Somehow knowing that Willow was in good hands, Xander rolled out of bed and stood. He looked at the woman. “Is Giles downstairs?”

Amanda nodded. As the young man left, she let out a sigh. Lee wouldn’t be too happy about this, but she couldn’t help it. This young woman was in such pain, too much pain to ignore. It just wasn’t in Amanda to pass by and do nothing.

***

Xander was suddenly there in the living room. “Hey, who’s the lady up with Willow?”

Three sets of nervous eyes turned to him. Giles spoke first, standing. “Excuse me?”

“The nice lady. She got Willow to talk. I figured she was a friend of yours.” He was looking at Giles as he said this.

Giles looked at Lee. Lee shrugged and then he glanced at Xander. “Are you Jonathan?”

Xander snorted. “Please, like my life isn’t wretched enough.” Then he kept on going. “Jonathan…”

Giles cut him off. “Xander.”

Xander shut up, suddenly realizing that the living room wasn’t the comfort zone he had been expecting.

Lee’s frustration was growing with this group. His face grew harder. “I think it’s time to stop playing games.”

Giles took a step toward him, and Lee to his amazement, felt himself taking a step back. Something about the man felt so momentarily menacing. “Games. You come into this home under false pretences and you lecture us about games?” He gestured upstairs. “Why is she up there? What does she want with Willow?” He didn’t wait for an answer, just headed up the stairs, everyone else tromping up right behind him.

The scene in the bedroom stopped him at the door. Willow was crying her heart out, Amanda’s arms around her, holding her so tenderly. Giles recalled his futile wish for a mother that cared about Willow. He softly entered the room, and Xander followed him, getting back in bed, claiming his usual spot. Buffy and Lee stayed by the door.

Amanda watched Giles as he approached, trying to decide how annoyed he was. All she saw was concern for the young woman in her arms. Giles sat on the bed. “Willow?”

Willow let out a cry and refused to look at him. “Don’t look at me.” He sat there silently. Her voice was raw with anguish. “How you must hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Willow.”

“You should. I tried to kill you.”

Giles sent a quick look at Amanda, frustrated at the invisible gag her presence put on him. “There were extenuating circumstances. You know that.” He tilted his head to the side. “And, in any case, you did not succeed. I'm fine. We're all fine.”

“No thanks to me.”

“Perhaps not this time, but you have helped save us all too many times to count in the past.”

Amanda’s brow furrowed as she listened to the conversation, wishing she had some idea of what they were talking about. Surely this slight girl in her arms couldn’t have truly tried to kill this man, these other people. That made no sense. What she did believe was that this man was sincere in his concern for Willow. Maybe she could help. “Willow?”

Willow made a noise.

Amanda smiled a little. “Look at him.”

Willow shook her head.

“Go ahead, I’ll be right here.”

Willow took a deep breath and slowly turned her head so she could look at Giles. She and Giles’ eyes met. She looked for the hatred, for the accusation, but all she saw was worry and affection. More tears fell down her cheeks. “You don’t hate me?”

Giles shook his head. “No.”

Willow launched herself out of Amanda’s arms and into Giles’. His arms closed around her tightly. She spoke through a fresh spate of tears. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know how to make it right again.”

“Minute by minute, Willow. That’s the only way you can.”

“I said and did such horrible things. How do I live with that inside of me? How can you ever trust me again?”

“We all have darkness inside of us. All of us. It doesn’t need to define us, or make us who we are unless we let it. You can control it. I know you can. And the trust will come. We all just need time.”

“Will you help me?”

Giles held her tighter. “You know I will.” Amanda glanced up at Buffy and Xander and saw a sharp look of relief pass between them. As if they both knew that if anyone could, that Giles would be the one to pull this young woman out of whatever hell she was in. And the first step had just been taken.

The room was silent as Giles just held Willow until the crying stopped. Giles glanced down and realized that she had fallen asleep. He smiled so sadly, and slowly lay her down, and accepted Amanda’s assistance in getting her tucked in again. Xander lay down too, rolling on his side so he could continue his protective watch over his best friend.

Relieved beyond words that Willow had not only spoken to him, but had also asked for help, Giles felt as if a huge weight had been taken off his heart. He knew there was a long way to go, and that Willow would never be truly the same, just as he had been irrevocably changed. But at least she’d reconnected. He touched her cheek briefly with his hand, and then he smiled up at Amanda. “Thank you.” Giles knew that somehow she had been just what Willow needed.

Amanda smiled back. “She just needed a little TLC.” She gestured around the room. “I’m sorry. I know it really wasn’t any of my business.”

He nodded. “Nevertheless, I can’t tell you how grateful I am. She wouldn’t talk to me, to any of us.”

Amanda smiled down at the redhead and then again at Giles. “Well, I think she will now.”

“Yes, I think she will.”

Lee wasn’t crazy about the way the two of them were smiling at each other. He coughed from the doorway. Amanda looked up at the noise and smiled at him, and he felt immediately better. Leaving Willow and Xander, they all quietly left the room and reconvened downstairs.

Buffy started pacing as the other three sat. Lee chose a spot close to Amanda. Giles looked at her, needing some clarification. “I really do appreciate your help with Willow, but I would like an explanation as to why you were upstairs.”

Buffy knew why. “She was looking for Jonathan.” She gave Amanda a searching look. “Right?”

Amanda nodded.

Buffy scowled. “He’s not here. We told you we didn’t know where he was.” She sat down on the couch, close to Giles. She hadn’t been crazy with how he and Amanda had been smiling at each other either.

Giles acknowledged Buffy’s comments. “She’s right. He’s not here.”

Lee was growing weary of the evasive answers. “But you know where he is.”

Buffy decided she was tired of the two of them. “Look, he isn’t here. That’s all we can tell you.”

“You mean, that’s all you will tell us.”

Buffy stood again. “We don’t even know you guys. You come waltzing in here like you own the place…”, she gave a meaningful look at Amanda. “And you snoop around, and you make all these accusations…”

Amanda tried to intervene. “We’re not making any accusations, we’re just trying to understand what’s going on here.”

Giles took a turn. “All you need to understand is that we don’t know where he is. He wasn’t a close friend. He wasn’t…” Giles wasn’t sure how to put it.

Amanda helped. “One of yours?” She’d already seen the way they all looked to him.

Giles smiled a little. “Yes, exactly.” He found himself reaching for Buffy’s hand and giving it a squeeze. “One of mine.”

Buffy wouldn’t let him let go after the squeeze. She instantly decided she liked holding his hand.

Amanda wanted to try one more time. “Can you help us figure out where he is?”

Buffy just shook her head. “No.” Giles glanced at her. She shook her head again and spoke more firmly. “No.”

Giles acquiesced and shook his head as well. “We’ve said all we can say.”

Amanda and Lee shot each other another look. Time to divide and conquer again. They just weren’t sure how. Buffy figured it out for them. As far as she was concerned it was time to call it a night. “Well, I have to go…out.” She waited for everyone else to stand and leave too. Except for Giles, of course.

Lee was the only one who stood. “I’ll go with you. I could use a walk.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. This was unexpected. “You can’t. I’m…”

Giles stood as well. He was thinking this was actually a good idea. Maybe he could talk to Amanda, find out what was really going on. He tried to communicate that silently to Buffy, eyeing Lee, eying the door.

Buffy got it and glared at him. “Giles.”

Giles just gazed back with his implacable stare. “You two go on. Amanda and I will just have a cup of tea.” He turned and smiled at Amanda and she smiled back.

Buffy was even more sure this was a bad idea. First of all she didn’t want Lee to go anywhere with her, especially on patrol, not if she was supposed to be keeping secrets from him. And now, she definitely didn’t want to leave Giles with Amanda. He liked her. Buffy could tell. A thrill of jealousy and possessiveness shot through her and she had to forcibly resist the urge to do physical harm to the woman.

Lee frowned. Even though it had been his suggestion, he suddenly was sorry he’d opened his mouth. He could see that Amanda liked Giles, and he didn’t like that. Of course, Amanda liked everyone, even people who had no business being liked, but this Giles guy was too good looking, and smart, and had his hands full of things that needed taken care of with TLC, something Amanda was helpless to resist. Before he could argue, Amanda echoed Giles’ sentiments. “That’s a lovely idea.” She smiled at Giles again. “I’d love a cup of tea.”

“Lovely. I’ll make some, shall I?” Buffy couldn’t remember seeing so many smiles on Giles’ face in such a short period of time.

Amanda stood now. “I’ll help.” The two of them headed off for the kitchen.

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