Title: Barflies
Author: Ruth
Spoilers for s6 ep. Tabula Rasa.
Rating: G, angst.
Summary: Tara and Giles talk about leaving.
Thank you Rari-beta, as ever.
Disclaimer: All the characters of BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, ME etc.

Just around the corner from the Bronze, the Bar was only a couple of notches above Willy's Place for sleaze. The clientele were, however, all human, so far as he knew: a cross-section of Sunnydale's lonely, desperate and defeated. He hadn't been a regular here for well over a year, but tonight it suited his mood down to the ground. This early in the evening, the place was all but deserted. Stale cigarette smoke clung to the door curtain as he pushed it aside and entered. Ned, the barman, nodded an absent greeting -*he* hadn't moved on, then, despite his oft-expressed vow to get out of Sunnydale, "State Capital of Weird" as he put it, and make something of his life. The visitor ordered up a triple Scotch, neat, drank it straight down and nursed the empty glass morosely for a while as the spirit hit his empty stomach. When he looked up, he noticed, at the other end of the bar, the back view of a shapely female figure, generous curves hugged by a sea green silk dress. She was bending down to look in her bag, and he couldn't see her face, just a suggestion of ash blonde shoulder length hair. << Nice. Wonder if the old chat-up muscles are still good for a stretch>> his train of thought was brought to an abrupt halt when the woman turned back to the bar and he saw who it was. <<Ah. Revise previous plan on several levels>> "Tara!"

"M-Mr. Giles!"

Giles' good manners got the better of his surprise, and he beckoned the barman over.

"Same again for me, and a drink for the lady"

Ned's suggestive wink as he put the cocktail in front of Tara made them both giggle conspiratorially. "I won't tell if you won't" Tara whispered in Giles' ear, and he shook his head in agreement.

"Of all you young people, I'd trust *you* most to keep a sensible relationship with alcohol" he said.

"And I'm sure you wouldn't go into a bar just to pick up women". Her naivety was touching, and Giles covered his blush with a cheeky grin. "I'm sure you don't either" He repented of his flippant comment as soon as he saw Tara's stricken expression. "I'm s-sorry, inappropriate sense of humour a bit of a problem with me and drink," he stammered, taking a quick sip of his second Scotch and grimacing.

"Maybe I'd have had better luck doing it that way than picking one up at a Wicca group" mused Tara quietly. Giles wasn't sure whether he any longer had the right to ask about any of their lives, now he was about to remove himself thousands of miles distant. But something in the way she looked at him told him she needed a confidant, and the fact that he wasn't sticking around was a bonus. "You and Willow...?" he began tentatively Tara nodded, her sorrow deep and palpable. "It's just not working any more. She broke her promise to me almost as soon as she made it, she messed with my memory - with everyone's memories" Giles cringed at the outcome of that little experiment with magic. "The magicks are changing her into someone I don't recognise...can't love" Tara finished. Giles understood.

"Buffy, too. She's strong, strong inside, more than she realises. But all the time she leans on me, she'll never be the person she could be, never experience it for herself. Just telling her won't make her see."

"I think...I think *Willow* only feels strong with the magicks. She wants them to solve all her problems because she feels she can't put them right herself. But she could, and she has to. I told her this afternoon that I'm going. I can't bear to see her destroy all that's good in her because...because she's afraid". There was an uncharacteristic decisiveness and resolve in Tara's tone, but the hint of tears as well. Her companion hesitated, then covered her hand gently with his own, ignoring Ned's sidelong glance from where he was polishing glasses, apparently out of earshot. "So we're both doing the noble thing, and leaving the ones we love for their own good?" Their eyes met and acknowledged the truth that there was more to it than that.

"I told Willow that it wasn't about me," replied Tara "but...some of it *is*. I may not be as powerful a witch as she is, but I do know better than to use power irresponsibly, as a short cut. I can't stay with her if she won't change. I won't get caught up in it, don't want to become someone I'm not because of loving her".

"My going back to England isn't just for Buffy's sake either. The year they all went off to College, I felt useless, left behind. The Watchers' Council had sacked me, I couldn't find a job in Sunnydale and I was too...tangled up in Buffy's life - or what I thought was her life- to break free. The further she drifted away, the more pathetic I became and the more she despised me and stayed away. No" he forestalled Tara's protest "I despised myself too, by the end of that year. I used to come here then, you know, when I couldn't face drinking at home alone. God, I was lonely. And it's all going to start over, if I let her use me like that again, as a last resort, a crutch. I thought it was enough, that she needed me in whatever way, but it isn't."

Tara played with the paper umbrella in her cocktail glass. "Even last week, I thought it was enough that Willow loved me, but it isn't." They lapsed into silence for a long time, until Giles looked up at the clock over the bar. "The taxi for the airport leaves in an hour. I need to finish packing and come back. I asked them to get me from outside here."

"You've said goodbye to Buffy?"

"No, she's out on patrol. She doesn't know this place anyway. She's angry with me...better leave it at that." A thought came to him and he smiled sadly. "It's strange; that's how we started out. She was angry with me for making her face her destiny. Full circle". He looked into his glass, finished the last drop, and got off the barstool. Tara rose, too, and they stood facing one another awkwardly.

"Can we...keep in touch?" she asked, and Giles fished in his jacket pocket and took out a rather dog-eared business card. He scored decisively through the Magic Box details above his name and wrote down a telephone number. "You can reach me in England; I'll be at my flat by...oh..." he calculated somewhat fuzzily, "this time tomorrow, I should think".

"What...what will you do in England?" Giles looked over at Ned, who was regarding his patrons with new respect. He'd obviously managed to overhear at least the gist of their conversation, enough to distinguish it from the usual stale pickup routines and hard-luck stories. "I'll try to...make something of my life. Make it count"

"But you've done that here. Without you, Buffy could never have..."

"In the past, perhaps. But if I stay, I'll end up as Dawn's substitute Dad, and Buffy's...I don't know. Not what I want to be." His voice trailed off as he murmured the last part, looking at the floor. Not very wise, letting the drinks speak for him. He could feel Tara's curious gaze on him.

"Mr. Giles, um, Giles?"

"Rupert, please. I've only been 'Giles' at school and in Sunnydale. Time for a change."

"Rupert. Do you...do you love Buffy?"

"Of course. Not" he added hastily "in the way you love Willow, but..."

Tara's drink had perhaps gone to her head as well. "You sure?" she asked gently, waiting for him to raise his head. When he did, he seemed not shocked, but pensive. Then he made a dismissive sound and shrugged. "That would be..." he started to say 'ridiculous' but instead it came out as "...rather silly of me, wouldn't it?"

"Why?"

Giles spread his arms and looked down at himself, and then up at Tara again, as if to indicate the sum of his middle aged, Watcherly self, raising both eyebrows as if to say "can't you see?"

"Could be, Buffy's the silly one"

Giles shook his head and held out his hand. Tara took it firmly and smiled. "I'm staying in Sunnydale; I'm halfway through my course. If you like, I could try and keep an eye on things, let you know how she is".

"Actually, I think best not". As he spoke, she could see in his face the overwhelming temptation to return at the first sign of trouble. "But I would like to know how *you* are doing". Giles genuinely liked Tara, Buffy or no. They left the bar in tandem, and went their separate ways quietly. As Tara watched him walk away down the street, she saw Giles take a big breath of Sunnydale air and let it out in a long sigh. Then he squared his shoulders and walked on.

END