Title: Fools for Love 1/2
Author: Saint Buffy
Rating: NC-17 (Sex, language)
Pairing: B/G
Spoilers: Vague Season Five. No Riley.
Feedback: Yes please:)
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon Is God. Bow, bow, all ye before him.
Summary: Buffy and Giles find themselves at the centre of some April Fools Day madness.
Author's note: This is an answer to Tori Deathangel's April Fools Day challenge. Happy April Fools!

"I've been here before, you know," the drunken man slurred over his pint. Spike took a cautious sip of his wild boar. The man opposite didn't seem to notice his companion's choice of refreshment, or if he did, he ignored it. That was something Spike appreciated about the man. That, and the rich, dark smell of magic coming off him. He was English, as well, which made a change in Southern California. Spike thought about asking him if the girls in Cornwall still tasted of the sea but knew it would be a waste of time. "Last year I was down here for a few days."

"Yeah?" Spike prompted. He took another sip, not even bothering to hide the glass back on the chair next to him this time, thinking that if it wasn't for the chip, he probably would have killed the old bugger by now. The bar was half empty, occupied only by a few barflies and a Fijoran demon in a bad disguise hanging around by the jukebox.

"A few days," the drunken man repeated. He was a wreck, a mess of alcohol abuse and general decay. "It wasn't like this then. The bloody American government, they took me away-" here we go, thought Spike- "Locked me up in Nevada. All I did was- all I did was turn an old mate into a demon for a little while."

Spike sat up. "Wait- turned into a- this mate, his name wouldn't happen to be Rupert Giles, by any chance?"

The drunken man visibly tried to sober himself. "You're one of the good guys," he said, sounding disappointed. Spike raised his glass wordlessly, but the man only snorted. "Like that seems to make a difference, round here," he said wryly.

Spike put his glass down with a growl. If it wasn't for the chip, he'd rip this man's throat open and-

"Ethan Rayne, then," he said. Ethan nodded, draining the last of his pint. "You know, I'm not so fond of the old watcher boy myself," Spike continued. "Strikes me that you've arrived in town right in time for April Fools' Day, and if ever I saw a fool…" he let the sentence trail away. "Are you going to try something?"

Ethan took his time answering, his eyes focused on the table. "Dearly love to, mate," he said, his eyes darkening, fists curling on the table top. "But those bastards, they took away my chaos."

"Your what?" Spike asked. Ethan waved a hand.

"Chaos magic. Without that, Ripper'll smell my magic a mile off. He'd block me quicker than you could say…" the drunken man's mind couldn't supply anything. "So no revenge for the wicked." The barmaid returned with more drinks, and Ethan smiled blearily up at her. "Whas your name?" he asked her.

"Maria," the woman, a blonde, said shortly. "And you haven't got a hope of scoring, so save it."

"I like her," Ethan said as she left. "Sassy. Reminds me of that slayer you've got here."

Spike glared into his drink at the mention of Buffy. He snorted. "Yeah, the slayer. You think you've got problems- how would you feel if-" he cut himself short. "And it's all her fault, that I'm stuck with this stupid chip in my head…"

"I know. If Rupert hadn't been here, I would never have been caught by those army bastards," Ethan replied. Suddenly he brightened. "April Fools'," he said.

"What?" Spike asked suspiciously.

"I'll solve your problem, and you solve mine," Ethan said, grinning at him. "You could put a spell on Rupert for me. I'll show you it. I want him back as Ripper. He was much more fun when he was Ripper," he finished mournfully. Spike frowned.

"What's in it for me?" he asked. Ethan sunk another shot.

"I'll do any spell you like to Buffy. Make her think she's naked or something embarrassing. For tomorrow- for Fools' Day."

Spike thought to himself for a minute. "Could you do a love spell?" he asked hopefully. Ethan choked on his drink.

"You're joking. Do you know how difficult they are? I can hardly manage a passing lust." He demonstrated, flicking a finger at the barmaid as she passed. Immediately, her eyes were drawn to Ethan, and she stared at him openly, hungrily, as she passed. "God, I miss my chaos."

"I know what you mean," Spike said with feeling, tapping his head. They exchanged a look, then looked away, both men embarrassed by their moment of bonding. Spike's thoughts returned to the slayer. If her friends weren't around so much, he was sure she would fall for him. It would just be a matter of time. The trouble was, how to get her friends away without anyone blaming it on him…

Spike grinned. "Could you do a truth spell?" he asked. Ethan swallowed.

"No problem. The mind is naturally inclined towards truth," he said, sounding disgusted. Spike nodded.

"All right then. Tomorrow. You do your spell and I'll do mine."

"Deal," Ethan said, raising his glass. "To fools."

Buffy walked towards the Magic Box, swinging her bag happily. The day was promising, she thought. Her mom was doing well, and Dawn had yet to be annoying, and Giles had phoned to ask if she minded extending their training to cover the new throwing knives he had bought. She wasn't sure when an unexpected call from Giles had stopped being an every day event and started to become something that made the difference between a good day and a great one, but she appreciated the little lift the thought gave her as she approached the shop.

Their new training schedule was perfect, she thought. Giles had made an effort to include her in the planning of it, taking her to the Expresso Pump especially. There had even been muffins. The waitress serving them had thought they were on a date, she remembered, smiling to herself as she reached the shop.

Something fell on her as Buffy pushed open the door- a large, plastic, green rubber insect on elastic.

"Argh- God!" she yelped, swatting it away with one hand before she realised what it was.

"See?" Xander said to his girlfriend, as if Buffy had proved a point. Anya scowled.

"Fine, I'll take it down," she said, stomping towards the door. Buffy hurried out of the way. "I was only trying to get the shop into the spirit of the day."

Buffy looked around the shop. Above the counter a banner read "Happy April Fools' Day! Buy one Enchantment, get the Second Free!" The stand displaying glamours had been pushed into a more prominent position and now bore the legend "Frighten your Loved Ones with our Nose Removing Glamour!"

"I think the spirit has definitely been got," Buffy said with a smile, turning back to her friends. Xander stood in front of her, looking nervous.

"Buffy, there's this thing that's happened," he said, rubbing his hands together anxiously. "You should come into the back room."

Buffy let herself be shepherded towards the back room, tensing, half expecting to be forced to slay. Instead the door opened to reveal Willow and Tara sitting hunched together at one end of the couch as Giles stood over them.

Buffy felt a lift inside her as she saw her watcher. He was dressed casually for the shop, having abandoned his jacket and tie. The blue of his shirt emphasised his eyes, Buffy thought to herself, wondering what Xander wanted her to see.

"Hello, Buffy," Giles said, straightening as he saw her. "Come to join the fun?"

"We think he's Ripper," Xander managed as Willow and Tara leapt towards them.

"Buffy, thank God you're here," Willow said, clutching Tara's hand. "He keeps talking about threesomes."

"What?" Buffy asked. "He can't be-"

"It started about half and hour ago. He came on to a customer," Anya reported. "I mean really came on. He asked her if-"

"Trust us," Xander cut in desperately. "He's regressing." Buffy shook her head, staring at her watcher, who was looking about in his pockets.

"Anyone got a fag?" he asked. Buffy groaned.

"I can't handle this," she said, but her mind was racing ahead. "Look, why don't you guys deal with the shop, and I'll see if Giles knows how this happened. At least if I tries anything I can…" she waved a hand. "Go."

Her friends all bolted for the door, obviously as freaked out as Buffy felt. She turned towards Giles.

"Hello, love," he said. She took a step towards him, her heart thundering at the sight. He had done something to his hair, she realised, remembering the amount of times she had caught him checking his reflection during the Night of the Band Candy.

He waved a hand towards the training mats. "Want to wrestle?"

"Shut up," Buffy said, trying to pull herself together. This was Giles, she told herself. No matter what he said now, he was Giles, and he would never look at Buffy like that, no matter how much she sometimes wanted him to. Ripper took another step towards her, eyes roaming over her body. Buffy struggled to hide the warmth which spread through her at his look. "Who did this to you?" she asked. He shrugged.

"There was this demon," he began. Buffy nodded.

"Yes?"

"About five foot three. Sea green." He stopped, less than a foot away from her. Buffy held her ground, looking straight into his eyes as he gazed down at her. She tried to concentrate on his description. "The strangest long, stringy things down its back."

Buffy frowned as his description began to sound familiar. She tried to remember if she had seen this demon before, slain it somewhere, when suddenly it hit her.

"Hey!" she cried, outraged. "I liked that dress." Ripper started laughing.

"April Fools," he managed. "The old me planned that, before you say anything about immature behaviour." His eyes strayed over her chest again, and he reached to take her arm. "Although if you feel like being immature-"

She pushed him off and backed away.

"Please, Giles," she said. "You have to tell me what did this to you."

His grin disappeared, finally, and he pushed his hands into his pockets. "Dunno. I was your Mr No Balls this morning. Got up, came here, felt a bit weird… this redhead came in the shop." He smiled appreciatively. "Didn't want to play, though."

"You like red hair?" Buffy asked in spite of herself. He moved closer again.

"What if I do?" he asked, leaning in, intense, captivating. "How would you feel about that?"

Buffy moved to punch him, but he was faster than she expected, catching the punch in one hand.

"You haven't answered my question," he said. She resorted to a slayer move, but he anticipated it, blocking her and wrapping his arms over hers, dragging her against his chest.

"I know all your moves, remember?" he said in a low voice, whispering against her ear.

"Please," Buffy whispered. He loosened his grip, but kept his arms around her.

"How would you feel if I went and found myself a nice young tart instead?" he asked, his mouth close enough to her skin to turn each word into a caress. "I might do that. I might take someone home and fuck them while you're thinking about me. How will you feel, when I'm deep inside someone else, making them scream, and you're not the one?"

Buffy closed her eyes, trying not to give in to the persistent pull of his voice, the feel of his breath on her skin and his chest beneath her hands. She leant her face against his rough cheek for a moment, then tore herself away.

"Stop it. You're not Giles. I don't know who you are," she said, backing away. Ripper smiled.

"Yes, you do," he replied. Buffy shook her head.

"Giles would never- he would never do that," she said, feeling unaccountably upset. "We can't-"

"But he could," Ripper replied, hands in his pockets. "I could be the best fuck you ever have, and you know it." He turned away, seeming almost embarrassed. "Wish I could show you the truth."

The door burst open, and Buffy jumped. Willow threw herself into the room.

"Who did it?" she asked nonsensically. Buffy stared.

"What?"

Willow frowned, moving further into the training area. "It feels like there's a- did you do a spell?" she asked Ripper, turning on him fiercely. He raised his hands.

"No," he said, looking as if he was trying to look innocent.

"It feels like a spell's been activated in here," Willow said, looking tense.

"Hm," Buffy answered, distracted as Ripper chose that moment to stretch, uncurling like a sleepy cat, his eyes on her.

"Buffy?" Willow asked. Buffy shook herself.

"Sorry, I was just checking Giles out," she said, then gasped, horrified. "I mean, because he looks so hot." She clapped a hand over her mouth as Ripper grinned, then tried to rectify her slip. "But I have noticed him before," she ended up saying, before she wrapped both hands over her mouth to keep it from spilling anything else.

"Buffy!" Willow gasped, looking shocked. Buffy peeled her hands away nervously.

"What's the matter with me? I can't stop saying what I mean!" she said, a little too loudly, then felt arms sliding around her waist.

"I knew you felt like that," Ripper whispered into her ear, then he began to run a line of kisses along her neck. Buffy groaned uncontrollably as Willow watched in horror.

"This is good," she said, wishing she could stop herself from speaking. Willow shook herself, closed her gaping mouth and grabbed Buffy's hand.

"Come into the front with me," she said to Buffy, pulling her away from Ripper's arms. Buffy pushed him off and almost ran for the door. "Stay here!" Willow ordered Ripper as they shut the door on him.

"Buffy, what's the matter?" Xander asked as they entered the shop. Buffy clamped her teeth together to keep herself from talking.

"She's acting a little strangely- I think someone must have put a truth whammy on her, right Buffy?" Willow replied. Buffy nodded tightly.

"Really?" Xander said, sounding intrigued. "Hey Buffy, you know that time in High School, you told me that-"

"Xander!" Willow and Buffy both snapped at the same time, equally horrified. "Go watch Giles," Willow added.

"Okay, okay," Xander muttered, heading towards the back room.

Willow guided her friend to sit her down at the table. "Don't worry, Buffy, we'll figure this out. And I know you can't help saying the truth and I'm your friend so I'm not going to ask you anything about Giles," the witch added. "Even though I really kinda want to."

"He looks so good in that shirt," Buffy replied, then slapped her hand over her mouth again, looking pleadingly at her friend. "Please help me," she added, speaking each word carefully in case any others escaped. Willow nodded.

"I will. It shouldn't take long to work out a counter spell." She looked towards the back room, then leant closer to Buffy. "I'm more worried about the Giles thing. Not the you-liking him thing, the Ripper thing."

Buffy bit the inside of her mouth, fighting against the need to regurgitate every truth she knew about her watcher. In the end she opened her mouth carefully. Short sentences.

"He says he doesn't know anything about that," she said. "Will, we need to change him back before he goes out and does something illegal." She ran her next words through her head carefully before letting them out. "He kept talking about finding a woman who wasn't me-" that wasn't what she had intended to say, Buffy realised, and put her hand over her mouth again to be safe. Willow nodded.

"I get the idea," she said. "Big Giles testosterone bomb next door."

"I bet he put this spell on me," Buffy said. "He's such a bastard when he's like this." Her eyes strayed to the back room door. "But also very sexy."

"Maybe you should go home," Willow said hurriedly, seeing the look in Buffy's eyes. "I'll phone you when we've lifted this spell."

"That's if you ever-" Buffy shut her mouth, biting back the comment. "Sorry."

Willow simply shrugged. "What do you think we should do about Giles?"

"Keep him here. If he gets out alone, he'll probably-"

Xander burst into the shop from the back room.

"Ripper got out," he said. Willow and Buffy groaned. "I'm sorry, I tried to stop him, but he said these funny words and for a few minutes I couldn't move my arms or legs or talk at all." He glared at Willow. "You couldn't have sensed that spell?"

Willow gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry," she said. "It must have been a charm."

"He's probably gone to find a woman to-" Buffy bit the inside of her cheek again. She frowned, imagining Giles picking up someone in the street, taking her back to his apartment, someone who wasn't her- "Willow?" Buffy asked. "I need to do a spell."

"I'll help you- what do you need?" Willow asked. Buffy smiled grimly.

"I want to play an April Fools on Ripper," she said.

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