Title: Say It 1/2
Author: Saint Buffy
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: S5, sometime after Intervention but before Tough Love.
Pairing: B/G
Feedback: No, I hate the stuff. Really. Really I do.
Disclaimer: They ain't mine. Sue me not.
Summary: Buffy begins to wonder why Giles has never told her that he loves her.

Buffy watched the reflection in the dark kitchen window as she washed up. Anyone looking in could be forgiven for thinking they were spying on a scene of domestic- well, if not bliss, certainly harmony. She washed and handed the plate out as Giles reached for it, dried it and put it away. Buffy smiled grimly.

"What?" Giles asked immediately. She rinsed off a pan and turned to him, briefly wondering how he never seemed to miss the barest of flickers in her face, even when half the time his back was turned away as he moved around the kitchen.

"I was just thinking, how weird it is that we learnt to be all co- ordinated in battle, and here we are being co-ordinated in the kitchen," Buffy explained, then felt that her words had conveyed something other than she meant. Giles cleared his throat and took the pan.

"You never know when such skills will be useful," he said, wiping it diligently, eyes on his work. Buffy turned back to the sink. "I know I keep asking you this, but how are you feeling?" he asked after a moment. Buffy spared him a smile.

"Better, thank you," she said. "Confused, since my extra-spooky chat in the desert, but better."

"Good," Giles said as he dried the last dish.

Buffy yawned as they walked through to the living room. He picked up on it, as always.

"I should be going," he said. Buffy reached out to stop him.

"Stay," she implored. "I can't just let you cook again then throw you out of the house." Giles smiled down at her, but reached for his jacket anyway.

"You can. You look tired- I'll see you tomorrow." This was the beginning of the same short conversation they had gone through at the end of almost every night since her mother's death.

Buffy reluctantly opened the door. "Thanks for cooking," she said, smiling up at him.

"If you need to talk, or anything, just call," Giles repeated, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder briefly, and Buffy nodded.

"I will. Thank you," she said, and he smiled and left.

Dawn came down the stairs as Buffy turned back into the house.

"He's gone?" she asked with a scowl. Buffy nodded.

"Uh huh. Did you speak to Dad?"

"No, big surprise," Dawn said, and pushed past to go into the living room. They had spent the day, yet again, trying to contact Mr Summers and failing. Buffy bit back her own disappointment and went through to speak to Dawn.

"I'm sure he'll call back once he gets our message." She sat on the arm of the sofa.

"Messages, Buffy," Dawn snapped. "I think five hundred count as the plural."

Buffy looked down at her sister, who shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. Dawn folded her arms. "They all leave us. Dad, Mom, everyone."

"That's not true," Buffy said, sliding down onto the couch. It was strange to be at the other end of this conversation, but at least the replies were familiar. "Dad loves us. You know Mom did. And we've still got the gang." Buffy slipped her arm around her sister's shoulder and sighed as Dawn's head came to rest against her shoulder. "We've got Giles."

Dawn snorted. "Yeah right. He runs out as soon as he can every night."

Buffy glared down at the back of her sister's head. "He does not. He just wants to leave us in peace." Dawn sat up again with an answering glare.

"He can't get out of here quick enough!" she replied stubbornly. Buffy shook her head.

"Giles loves us," she said. Dawn folded her arms. "He does."

"How do you know? He's paid to be here. He only hangs out with us because you're the slayer."

"That's not-" Buffy was going to say, true, but her sister's words had somehow insinuated themselves with some unacknowledged thoughts the slayer had suppressed over the years. Dawn raised an eyebrow, sensing triumph.

"All right then," Dawn said. "When did he ever tell you that he loves you?"

Buffy looked back, still momentarily struck dumb. Her mouth shut into a hard line.

"Giles loves me. I know he does," she said stubbornly, but Dawn just shook her head.

"Whatever," the younger girl said, and got up. "I'm going to bed."

Buffy sat by herself for a long while after Dawn disappeared. Words came back to her, things Giles said over the years… <Your safety is more important to me than anything.> She had been too angry and freaked out at the time to register those words. She remembered looks, touches, hugs, like when her mother… when he found Joyce, and leapt up to hold Buffy strangely, as if he was trying to put his body between Buffy and the reality of her mother's death. What else? He had given her words of pride, of congratulations, but Dawn was right. He had never said it.

Buffy scowled and stood up. She was the one who had Giles's pay reinstated, not him, and he had stayed even when fired. And why had he been fired? Because he loved her. Even Travers had seen it, Buffy thought triumphantly, heading up the stairs to get ready for bed. So what if he never said it.

"He never says it," Buffy complained to Willow, sitting at the table in the Magic Box. Willow looked back at her, confused.

"But, Buffy, I don't go around saying, `do you want tea or coffee and by the way, you know I love you' either. But I do, by the way."

Buffy patted her friend's hand. "I love you too, Will. And you have told, me, before… I know you have. He's never said it. Even Xander's said it."

"What?" Xander said, from the counter where he was talking to Anya.

"Never mind," Buffy and Willow replied automatically. Willow scratched at the table hesitantly.

"Buffy, you remember when Dracula was in town?" the witch asked. Buffy nodded. "And you were in his-" Buffy gave her a thump on the arm, "-er, you talked to Dracula, and then you realised that you wanted to know more about being a slayer and you-"

"I know what you're referring to, Will," Buffy cut in before her friend to babble on.

"Well, before you asked Giles to be your watcher again, he…" Willow sighed. "He told me not to tell you this. Many times, in fact."

"Tell me what?"

Willow hesitated one last time. "He was going to go back to England. But he didn't, because you asked him to be your watcher again."

Buffy stared blankly at the Magic Box shelves, remembering the look on Giles's face that day. "Oh," she said eventually.

"He loves you, Buffy," Willow said reassuringly. "Really."

Just then, the object of their discussion burst into the shop, sending the bell ringing mercilessly and crossing in a few angry strides to the shop counter.

"Any luck?" Xander asked as Giles approached. The watcher shook his head.

"I don't know why I bothered talking to that idiotic waste of a demonic existence," he spat bitterly. "Another minute with him and I would have ripped his tongues from his bloody heads, reformed or no."

Buffy, Willow and Xander shuddered at the imagery; Anya merely shrugged.

"I told you there was no point talking to a Froebayl demon," she said. "Can't be trusted. Once I got one to rip the flesh from the arms of an adulterous husband, but instead it disappeared with the gold before it had done the job."

"I bet that taught you to venge for yourself," Xander said cheerfully. Buffy smiled to herself, wondering how Xander managed to be so calm about his girlfriend's former employment.

"No new news about Glory?" she asked Giles as he went to make some tea. He shook his head.

"None, unfortunately," he said, and sighed. "I'm running out of sources. The Froebayl was something of a last-ditch effort."

Buffy watched as he made the tea, the tense lines in his shoulders loosening as his body went through the familiar movements. Like tai chi for English watcher people, she thought fondly. Only with caffeine. He took another cup out and turned to Buffy.

"Buffy, do you want tea or coffee, and by the way…" Buffy sucked in a breath as his words echoed Willow's, "I forgot to pick up some milk. Sorry."

Buffy let the breath out as Willow gave her a sympathetic look. "Black coffee would be great, Giles," Buffy said, and then decided to try something. "You always make it just right. How do you always know what I want?" she asked, trying for a half-fond, half- casual tone. Giles gave her an odd look and turned back to the kettle.

"Years of practise, I imagine," he said a little stiffly, and looked around the room. "Anyone else for tea?" No one did. "And how was progress here?" he continued, almost hopefully, to be answered with a chorus of shaking heads.

"But we weren't trying that hard," Anya added helpfully. Willow pulled a random volume towards herself hastily.

"We're trying now," she said, opening it up. Buffy stood.

"Want to do some training?" Buffy asked Giles. He looked back at her in surprise.

"Are you sure?" he said. Buffy shrugged.

"Yeah. I mean, I've got to stay in shape. The world hasn't stopped just because, you know…" she trailed off uncomfortably. "And you look like you could use a good-" she stopped herself, unable to think of anything Xander and Anya wouldn't be able to interpret sexually. "Let's go."

She picked up her mug and marched into the back room before he could say anything else.

Buffy started her stretches, trying to hide the small smile on her face. She had taken Psych 101. There was no way Giles would be able to avoid telling her how he felt about her- telling her that he loved her- once she had started with him. She ran through various strategies in her mind, testing their worth as she tested her muscles. Then she straightened as Giles finished laying out the mats.

"I thought you might like to spar first, to get back into it," he suggested gently. Buffy flashed him a bright smile and took the staff he offered.

"That sounds great," she said, and they got into positions.

"Whenever you're read-" he began, but Buffy started circling, trying to catch him off balance.

"So, Giles," she said, feinting to the left, "Did you have fun in England?"

He looked up, caught off guard by her words, and Buffy almost landed a blow from the right. He caught it with another blow.

"Why do you ask?"

Buffy changed direction, coming in with a series of short, chopping blows.

"No reason. Just asking," she replied sweetly. Giles gave her a look and stepped back as he defended her attacks.

"Not especially," he said in answer to the question. "I spoke with the Council, as you know, checked on my affairs over there, that sort of thing." He spoke calmly, cutting across her attack with a slice from the left. Buffy backed off slightly, then saw an opening and moved in.

"Did you miss us?" she asked next. Giles glanced away from her staff long enough for Buffy to sneak in and catch his side.

"Of course I did," he replied, conceding the point. They moved back into the `guard' position. Buffy waited until he started circling, biding her time. Finally she struck in with a blow by his belt.

"I would have thought you'd be pleased to be away from all of us for a while," she said, keeping her voice light. Giles blocked her blow and sent her a glare. "Or glad to be away from the hellmouth, at least," Buffy amended. She scored a light touch and Giles backed away.

"I would have been," Giles admitted, circling more warily. "But I hated to be away when everything's so…" He jabbed in and Buffy blocked. "I was worried."

"You went to help with the Glory thing," Buffy answered gently. "You did help."

Giles struck again, moving the fight back towards the centre of the mat. "I meant, while you were hurting over Riley, and worried about Dawn and everyone." The `Joyce' syllable in the word `everyone' was obvious. Buffy smiled up at him and retaliated, driving Giles back.

"You worry about me?" she asked, feeling that she was getting close to the admission she sought. Giles's look grew even more confused.

"Of course I do, Buffy," he said warmly, shaking his head in confusion. Here it was, Buffy thought, and went to land her final blow.

"Why?" she asked, pushing forward again.

"Because I care about you, and-"

Buffy was so caught up in the moment, anticipating his answer, that she missed his staff sweeping low to catch her foot as she moved forward, and fell headlong to the floor.

"Are you alright?" he asked, bending to help her up. Buffy took his hand and stood, her face flushing with embarrassment.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

The staves hung at their sides, forgotten as watcher and slayer looked at each other, trying to assess each other's stares.

"And what?" Buffy demanded, feeling that she was in embarrassment stepped in so far that to go back would be as tedious as going on.

"I'm sorry?" Giles replied, and Buffy realised that her fall had dislodged the thread of their conversation from his mind. She scowled.

"Never mind," she said. She put the staff down, turned, and stalked out of the back room.

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