Title: Her Tears Fell Like Rain 1/5
Author: Savage
Rating: R
Pairing: B/G
Spoilers: SEASON 6 Buffy
Distrubution: Dee,Dusty
Author Note: the Song, The Storm , is owned by Garth brooks
NOTE: This isnt Beta Read
(Outside Giles Old Flat)
With a sad smile, Buffy watched the couple now occupying her formal watchers home. The man was of middle age, looked like he was to her anyway, and the girl maybe in her early 20's. They were painting the place and laughing as the man smeared paint over the young woman's nose with his finger. The two started to get each other covered in paint as the man suddenly grabbed the girl, and she froze. For seconds neither did anything, then the man placed his lips to the young woman's. A frown formed across Buffy's forehead. After the few months sense Giles left she had come back to his flat, just sitting there in the dark, watching it. Remembering their times together. Sense the new couple came, Buffy tried not to come back as much. But the pull to her heart was to much. This was Giles' home for 5 years. And Hers in a way to. Theirs together even.
Buffy watched the two play and flirt with each other over the months. She thought for sure they were all ready going out. But the look on the woman's face when the man kissed her, clearly showed they weren't. The two broke the kiss and the young woman smiled brightly at the man who held her heart, yet never knew of it. Then She kissed him. And for several long moments the kiss lasted.
Buffy snapped out of her memories of her and Giles, playing around, joking, laughing, arguing, comforting one another, as they whirled through her. Why this couple was causing these emotions to stir in her, she wasn't quit sure. Smiling at them, Buffy prayed silently that they would have a better chance together than her and Giles got. She turned and started to leave when Spike stopped her.
Grinning, he mumbled...
"Even Luv. How was patrol?"
"What are you doing here?"
Spike removed his jacket when he saw her standing there, watching that couple, and absently rubbing her arms with her hands. He placed the jacket over the slayers shoulders as he saw her soaked clean through. He then turned her around and pushed her up against the wall to the townhouse. He pinned her and began kissing her neck.
"I was looking for you" He whispered against her throat, as the memories of Giles flooded her. She was to close to his home. Her mind wasn't reregistering what spike was doing but what she wanted Giles to be doing. How did Spike always know when to find her when she was at her most valuable? A song filtered out into the night from a town house next to Giles. As spike entered her, Buffy listened to the words and closed her eyes.
She sits among the pieces of broken glass and photographs Reluctantly releasees the last of what was her past It struck without a warning or did she just ignore the signs in those dark clouds forming behind silver lines
Fresh Tears glistened Buffy's face as Spike continued moving in her. The fight she had with Giles before he left, ran over and over in her mind, As he sat there trying to explain why he was leaving her, when she needed him the most. She was so angry she went home and through the only Picture she had of him, across the room. It slammed into the wall and the frame shattered into tiny pieces.
The Door it slammed like thunder and the tears they fall like rain and the warnings from her family whirl like a hurricane she's drowning in emotions and she cannot reach the shore she's alive, but can she survive ....The storm...
As spike came, Buffy clung to him, forcing herself to NOT allow him to see her tears.
"Slayer? You all right?"
Buffy took a deep breath and sighed. She wiped her tears so Spike wouldn't see then started to walk off.
"Hey! Where are you-"
"Patrol"
"But, U just went -"
"Good-bye Spike"
Buffy walked away from spike as fast as she could. She started towards the magic shop but when she got there, she just couldn't go in. She saw all her friends laughing and having a wonderful time. And she knew she shouldn't be around them till she collected herself. It was Dawns birthday after all, and Dawnie deserved to have Buffy there, the old Buffy, the fun loving, carefree Buffy. Because this Buffy, was far from that. She was tired of pretending everything was all right, when deep down it wasn't. She was scared. She was alone, and worst of all, no one even noticed or cared.
Somedays just roll on by without a gray cloud in the sky She keeps telling herself "I... will make it on my own" And her friends they've all gone back to their lives Thinking she will be all right As she races through the night to make it home....
Buffy turned and headed away from the shop. She needed to go for a walk. She needed to clear her mind, pull it together, and then go to Dawnies party. She owned her sister and her friends that much.
She's drowning in emotions and she cannot reach the shore she's alive, but can she survive ....The storm...
Why was that line from the song she overheard, playing over and over in her mind? Why couldn't she get it out! She was all right now. Well, all right as in, she's making it. barley, but she was. The only thing she wasn't all right with, was not talking to Giles. Her pride was stupidly standing in the way of her calling him. Or talking to him when he would call her.
It's been nearly three months sense Giles left. And all though it was hard, really hard, she made it without him. Not because she wanted to, but because he left her no choice. Emotions of coming back from heaven, and being ripped from her mother and the peace that filled her, were always with Buffy. Were always there on her mind. But the most painful, was Giles leaving her. It always came back to him. She loved him so much. And never had a chance to tell him.
She figured with what little contact that she had with him now, she would never have that chance either. And that, was what was really scaring her. (Oh, why cant my life just be normal for once! Why cant I just tell Giles how much I love him? And I need him here! Not to take care of me, but for me to take care of him. of each either even. I did what he wanted! I grew up, got a job, took care of things. And still, he isn't back, I need him back. I miss him. I don't want to do this anymore without him!)
Buffy began to run as fast as she could through the rain soaked streets. She wasn't sure where she was running to, but when she finally ran out of breath, she ended up at the graveyard. Stopping, she tried to calm her breathing, wondering What was wrong with her? Why was she allowing Spike, a vampire, a demon, and evil thing even, to treat her so degradedly? She deserved better. She deserved to be treated like a woman and not a sex toy.But,then again, all she wanted for the longest time was to feel, something. Anything, that would evoke some kind of emotion back into her.
She took a seat under a large oak tree. Though it provided Buffy with some shelter, the rain still fall on her. Starring at her headstone, Giles' words echoed in her mind...
"I'm only doing this for your own good. You need to stand on your own. I know u can do that. But as long as I'm here, u wont. And what kind of watcher, friend, would that make me?"
He was right. And Buffy knew it. She didn't want to admit it, but she knew what he was doing was for her own good. still...she was angry at him. Angry for leaving her. Angry for breaking his promise to her. And angry for allowing herself to fall so complexly in love with him, and not having the courage to tell him.
"Slayer?"
Buffy groaned miserably at the sound of Spikes voice.
"Are u stalking me?"
Spike smiled and moved closer to her.
"No, not unless u want me to"
"Go away Spike. I'm not in the mood for games"
"You keep saying that to me but..."
He took a seat next to her and looked her in the eyes
"And Don't give me that look either. I know-"
"Leave"
"Why?"
"Because I said"
"Oh, right. And your just the boss of me now, is that it?"
"Something like that"
"What's wrong with u luv? U were fine just a few-"
"No spike. I wasn't. I haven't been ."fine" For a while now. So go!"
"Is this about him, again?!" Spike grumbled with frustration. How the bloody hell did they always end up talking about him!
Buffy keep silent.
"Well,...? Is it?"
"Its about a lot of things. Mostly I've finally realize What Giles meant. And why he had to leave. Yeah, I died. And OK, that was tarmac, but I'm back now. I was given a second chance.... In a way, and I need to live. I need to stop acting as if I'm still dead and buried six feet under."
Spike stared at her thoughtful;y for a moment then asked..
"Right, lovely. So, u wanna shag?"
A disgusted look flashed across Buffy face as she stood up.
"I really hate you!"
"Yeah, so? What's your point? You always hated me"
"My point is, its over spike. I don't wanna see you anymore. Infact, never again will be to soon Got it?"
Spike Chuckled.
"Your joking right?"
"Am I laughing?"
Angry swam in Spikes eyes as he stood and got in her face. Buffy lifted her head and stared right into his eyes, daring him to back her down.
"So, that's it?! You take what the bloody hell you want, then -"
"I didn't take anything Spike. I also never promised anything or made commitments"
"Oh you didn't?"
"No. I didn't"
"You are so full of it slayer! You wanted me! You wanted me as much as I wanted you! and You LOVED it!"
"I needed something, and yeah, that was to feel again. To feel anything. Any kind of emotion at all. unfourtently for you, all that emotion was, was disgust. I hated myself everytime I turned to you. But I did it because you were all I had. Or all I thought I had. But you know what Spike? I don't need you! Hell, I don't even WANT you. Your evil Spike! And just because U have a chip in your head, doesn't change that!"
"I would never hurt you!"
"yes you would. And you would hurt others as well. I'm not stupid Spike. I may have been blind for a while, but not stupid"
Buffy turned and started to walk away as Spike called to her.
"Buffy! You'll be back! I know you!"
Buffy continued to walk away as Spike walked after her.
"You think your better than me Slayer? Is that it?"
Buffy continued walking and ignored him
"Well, your not! You used me as much as I used you! Admit it!"
"go away now Spike. before you regret it"
"Oh I'm shaking in my knickers! Big Talk from someone who came back wrong!"
Buffy Stopped and Spike ran into her. She turned and lifted her face to his.
"I DID not, come back wrong! I came back different!"
"Wrong, different, evil, its all the same!"
"I am not EVIL!"
"Maybe not but-"
A look of pain, shock, and anguish flashed across Spikes face as he looked down at his chest. It all happened so fast, he wasn't quite sure it was real till.... He turned to dust.
Buffy removed the stake the last second before he went poof and tucked Mr. Pointy into her back pocket and walked off, mumbling....
"Can't say I didn't warn him. And, God that felt good"