Title: In A Fix 2/3
Author: Sav
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All belongs to Joss
Distribution: Dusty
Season: 5
A/N: Pic of BG kissing on Buffy’s shirt is by Koala ;-)
Giles sat in front of Buffy on the coffee table as she rested on the couch. He was cleaning her wound with products from the first aid kit. She watch him with wondering eyes. She wasn’t sure how she was going to tell him why she was really there.
Doubts kept invading her mind, making her nervous. She couldn’t help but think that maybe he didn’t want to hear what she had to say. Maybe he didn’t feel the same about her as she did him and her telling him how she was feeling might ruin everything between them.
He had never once showed her any kind of feelings except those of trust and loyalty. What if he looked at her and was sickened by what she was about to tell him?
”Buffy? Buffy, are you all right?”
”Huh?”
”Are you all right?”
”Yeah, why?”
”You seemed far away.”
”Sorry.”
”Are you in much pain?”
”No, it isn’t that.”
”What is it?” he asked softly, drawing a brief smile from her.
”Giles...I’m...oh boy, this is harder than I thought.”
”What is?”
”Giles, have you ever...have you felt something for someone but knew it was wrong, well not wrong. What’s the word I’m looking for...”
”Is this about Angel?”
”No.”
Giles watched her struggle for words as he gently touched his wound. Though she had taken care of his first, it still hurt quite a bit.
”Are you ok?” she asked as he smiled and sat at her side.
”Yes, thank you. Just a bit sore.”
”Ok...”
”Buffy, whatever it is you need to tell me, you know you can do so without me judging you and without fear of me being hard on you. You know this to be true, don’t you?”
”Yeah.” Her smile made him return another before he spoke again.
”So if this is about Angel, it’s all right for us to talk about-“
”It’s not Angel, Giles. It’s you.”
Taken aback, Giles turned to face her more.
”Me?”
”Yeah.”
”What about me?”
”I think, no...I know...I mean of course I know. I wouldn’t have come over here tonight without knowing for sure, without agonizing for months about this, about what it would mean to me, and you...and I shouldn’t just come out and say this. Not when I’ve only asked you a few days ago to come back to me as my watcher, and worse yet I set that demon free, well both of them free-“
”Both?” Giles asked, trying to follow along.
”The one in the graveyard and then the little critter one?”
”Oh yes, right. I nearly forgot about the Syron demon in all this chaos,” Giles said with a teasing grin.
”Yeah, well I haven’t.”
”Buffy, what’s the matter. You seem awfully depressed over-“
”I’m in love with you.”
”I beg your pardon?”
Giles was so stunned he literally sat there staring at her like she had grown another head.
”I love you,” she whispered softly, hoping he would answer her with the same words.
”I...you...Buffy...” Giles had no idea what to say, what to think. He stood up and began to pace as Buffy watched him with nervous eyes. She didn’t know if it was a good thing that he was pacing or not. She couldn’t read him and he wasn’t saying anything to her. She just sat there and anxiously watched him paced back and forth in front of her.
Finally, after what seemed liked hours, Buffy’s timid voice broke her watcher’s thoughts and his pacing.
”Giles? Are you ok?”
He stopped and looked at her.
”Where is this coming from? Why are you telling me this?”
Well that certainly isn’t the reaction I was hoping for, Buffy thought sadly as she dropped her eyes to her hands where they lay in her lap.
”You want me to leave?”
”Leave? No, I want you to explain yourself to me, Buffy.”
”I thought I did.”
”And yet you haven’t because I still don’t understand. After all these years, after all that we have been through, not once have you ever given me the indication that you might find me attractive or...or that you would want to get to know me.”
Buffy lifted her eyes to his and looked at him. He was right. She hadn’t treated him very well in their years together. Actually that was understatement. She treated him horribly in their time together. She didn’t know why she thought this could ever work. She didn’t deserve him. In fact he deserved better than her. This was wrong. She should just get up and tell him this was all a joke and have a good laugh then walk off and cry herself to sleep.
”I’m sorry, Giles.” Standing, Buffy kept her eyes to the floor, unable to look at him anymore. “I don’t know why I did this to you. I thought I could explain everything a lot better than I am. I had this whole thing planned out. I had...” Reaching for her coat, Buffy slipped it on as Giles watched her with confused eyes. “I just wanted to tell you how much I loved you. That, I know I didn’t show it, but I do.”
”Buffy, I...I don’t know what to say. This is all so sudden, so-“
”You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t come here to force anything on you or ruin your life or anything like that. I just wanted you to know that I do love you. That you were loved.”
They stood motionless, both staring at one another for several moments till Buffy went to him and kissed his cheek.
”Take care Giles. Merry Christmas.”
”Merry Christmas, Buffy,” he replied automatically. His brain was not catching up to the fact that she was actually about to walk out.
As she turned to leave, she felt her heart breaking. Buffy prayed for him to stop her, to beg her to stay. But he didn’t. At least not in the way she was hoping for.
”Buffy?!”
Turning, hope filled her as she saw him running after her just as she stepped into his courtyard.
”Giles...”
”What about the demon?”
”Demon?”
”Yes. In the graveyard. Will you help me kill it before you go home?”
She felt like he had just crushed her heart in the palm of his hand. She had just told him she loved him and all he could think about was the demon?
She answered quietly and with a small smile.
”Sure, Giles.”
”Thank you.”
”Can we uh, well can we start this tomorrow though? I don’t really feel like researching anymore tonight.”
”O-Of course.”
Buffy smiled faintly before turning to leave.
”Buffy?”
”Yeah?”
Giles went to her and stepped in front of her.
”You don’t have to go home. There’s more than enough room in my flat if you would like to stay with me.”
Kiss me, please, she thought sadly, begging herself not to cry in front of him as she stared at his lips. How could she be the only one feeling like this? All those looks, all those touches for all those years they spent together; HOW could she be the only one remembering the meaning to them? Or was there a meaning to them? Maybe he was just being a father figure to her. Maybe he really didn’t mean to look at her in a certain way.”
”Ok, I wanna call the airport to book my flight for tomorrow.”
”Your flight? Y-you’re leaving town? T-to where?”
”Uh, Yeah. Giles. Where did you think I was going with the whole grabbing my coat and walking out scene?”
”I-I thought you were going for a walk. That you would be back after you had a breather. O-Or possibly home for the evening, but that you would be back tomorrow. You don’t have to leave, Buffy. Your mother and Dawn-“
”Are out of town for Christmas and I think I should be with them.”
”Buffy, you don’t-“
”Yes I do, Giles. I made a fool out of myself I don’t care to stay here and do it again.”
She turned from him before he could see the tears in her eyes, and headed inside. Giles let out a sigh and tilted his head towards the sky. How did things get this bad? What the bloody hell was going on? One minute they were getting along and enjoying each other’s company, and the next she was professing her undying love for him? Not that he wasn’t attracted to her, because he was. And not that he didn’t want her, because he did. It was just that...where were all her feelings coming from all the sudden?
Why hadn’t she said something before now?
**
(Inside Giles Home)
Giles closed the door behind him and watched Buffy
while she sat on his couch talking to the airlines.
She was confirming a reservation as Giles sighed and
closed his eyes briefly. This was all going so bloody
wrong, he thought.
They needed to talk.
”Buffy?”
”Just a minute, Giles. Yes, yeah that’s right. A window seat. Yeah that sounds-“ Before Buffy could finish, she found the phone being removed from her hand. Giles stood at her side and clicked it off then replaced the cordless back on the base. “Hey! I was talking-“
”We need to talk.”
”We talked,” Buffy said shortly as she turned to reach for the phone behind her. Giles laid his hand over hers, stopping her from picking it up.
”Buffy I never meant to hurt your feelings. I would never...”
”It doesn’t matter. Look, I said I would help you kill this thing then go. What’s...”
”I don’t want you to go.”
”Giles-“
”Buffy, please? I don’t want you to leave with things left in the air like this.”
”But you do want me to go?”
”What? No, Buffy-“
”But you said-“
”Buffy, please! What is going on? How can you feel like this for me? I...I don’t understand.”
Her eyes held his. For the longest moment she didn’t try to pull away, and neither did he. Giles really had no idea why she cared for him. Loved him. He really thought she only felt for him as a friend or her watcher. Squeezing his hand in hers, Buffy whispered softly.
”Giles I don’t know how to explain why you have always held a special place in my heart. Maybe because you have always been there for me when no one else was. I could always count on you, I could always come to you...in so many ways you have always been the best friend that Willow or Xander could never be. And in others, you were everything that Angel and Riley could never be.”
Giles looked like he was about to say something but stopped. She tugged on his hand till he was sitting at her side. Once he was on the couch, she sat on the coffee table in front of him and held his hands.
”It’s ok if you’re not in love with me. I haven’t given you much reason to be. And I don’t, I didn’t expect to come here and just tell you this and have you fall into my arms and for us to live happily ever after.”
”Then, what did you expect?”
She wasn’t sure how to answer him at first. Then she smiled and squeezed his hands again.
”Just to see you, maybe to have some quality time with you for a while and if you ended up falling for me...well then, I certainly wouldn’t mind that,” She said with a warm smile that touched his heart.
”Oh Buffy.” Sighing, Giles held her hands tighter in his.
”It’s ok, Giles. I’m a big girl. You don’t have to let me down easy,” she teased as he looked up at her then leaned forward and smiled.
”Falling in love with you certainly wouldn’t be a difficult thing to do.”
”Flatterer.”
”And I would know, because I’ve been in love with you for a very long time.”
”What?”
At her stunned expressing and slight gasp, Giles leaned closer to her and kissed the side of her mouth.
”But...why did you act so surprised when I told you how I felt?”
”I am surprised. Buffy you never gave me any sign or any-“
”Kiss me.”
”Pardon?”
”I’ve waited a long time for this moment and with you so close, I just don’t think I can wait any longer. Just...kiss me?”
Sinking to his knees in front of her, Giles granted Buffy her wish, like he did everything else she had ever asked of him, and kissed her. Her lips were firm and wet against his as she opened to him almost immediately. She seemed to be in a rush as he softly mumbled against her lips to take a breath and to try and relax. To enjoy what was happening, because it was just the beginning.
”What about the demon?”
Her whisper tingled his lips as he pulled away from the kiss.
”What about him?”
”Shouldn’t we be looking for a way to kill him?”
”I take it your not enjoying the kiss?”
”I am too!”
”Then why are we discussing that demon, and not-“
Buffy kissed him, cutting him off.
”Sorry. I just, I want to find it and take care of it so you and I can have some uninterrupted alone time.”
His hands went to her thighs where he caressed her through her jeans.
”I understand. I’ll check the books you-“
”Are you mad?”
”No, of course not. You’re right. We should take care of the demon first before-“
”Giles, honest. I was enjoying the kiss.”
He smiled at her faintly before standing.
”As was I. I’ll check my room for the book once again, now that our little friend has been taken care of. Why don’t you put some tea on for us?”
Buffy felt he was pulling away from her as she stood up and agreed.
”Ok.”
Smiling at her, Giles turned then headed into his room to search for the book he an Buffy were looking for earlier. Buffy headed into the kitchen to make the tea, but stopped before she reached it. Turning she looked back up towards Giles’ loft and sighed. She totally messed things up between them an she didn’t mean to. She just wanted them to take care of this thing so they could have some peace and quiet and not have to worry about that thing out there harming innocent people. For once she was thinking of someone else other than herself and what happens?
Giles gets upset!
Taking a deep breath, Buffy walked back up the stairs an into the loft where she found her watcher going through a box in the corner.
”You know you’re acting like you’re four!”
At her strong tone of accusation, he turned to her and lifted his brow.
”Pardon?”
”You got all stiff upper lip with me just because for once in my life I was thinking about someone other than myself. I was enjoying the kiss Giles, A LOT. But that thing is out there and maybe it wasn’t the best timing for me to say something. But I just...I don’t want to disappoint you anymore.”
”Buffy, I can quite honestly say, I have no idea what you are talking about.”
Growling in frustration, Buffy turned from him and headed downstairs, with Giles right behind her.
”Buffy? Buffy!”
Turning to face him when she reached the bottom step, Buffy told him.
”You do so know what I’m talking about!”
”I assure you that I do not!”
”Why you yelling at me?”
”Because you’re bloody well yelling at me!”
”That’s because you deserve it!”
”I do not!”
”Do so!”
”I most certainly-“
”See! You don’t even know how to fight! You always gotta be so...proper!”
Turning from him again, she headed into the kitchen with Giles right behind her.
”Perhaps I just don’t care to fight like I’m five bloody years old!”
”HEY!” She turned from setting the kettle on the stove, her angry eyes locked with his. “Take that back!”
”Make me!”
”Make you? Make you? Now who’s five?”
After a moment, Giles growled then turned to leave but Buffy’s voice stopped him.
”Sure, run away! Just like a five-year-old would do!”
Turning back to her, Giles took a deep breath.
”You’re a fine one to be throwing around accusations, Buffy.”
”There’s no need to get personal buddy! You’re the one who threw a fit because-“
”I did no such thing!”
”Oh that’s right; you just gave me the cold shoulder!”
”I most certainly did not!”
”You did so!”
”I did not- oh bloody hell!” Giles yelled at her, the frustration an anger in his tone evident as he turned from her again to head upstairs.
”Yeah, sure, run away! You’re good at that!”
Stopping at the stairs, Giles turned to her.
”And just what is that supposed to mean?”
”You want to run so far and so fast, you’re willing to go half way across the world just to avoid me!”
”That’s not true and just what the bleeding hell are you referring to?!”
”Then why did you want to leave me?! Why did Willow tell me you were going back to England before I asked you back as my watcher?”
He watched closely for a long moment, noticing tears were staining her cheeks.
”Why did you want to leave me when I need you so much? Am I that bad? Is life with me that horrible that you can’t wait to go?”
Giles was too shocked to say anything for a moment. He had no idea she was this upset about him returning home.
”Buffy-“
”I’m sorry about the kiss, Giles. I am. I love you, and kissing you...you have no idea how wonderful that was. I just...I don’t want to disappoint you. I don’t want give you any excuse to leave.”
”Oh, Buffy,” Giles sighed her name with regret. Regret for making her cry over something that was never going to happen.
He headed back to her in the kitchen as he spoke. “Is that what you think? You honestly think I would leave you, after everything you’ve told me? After I finally know how you feel for me? Just because you accidentally set loose a particular threatening demon on the innocents of Sunnydale, who could maim and possibly kill everything in its path within hours of feeding again?”
”You know, you use to be much better at this comforting speech thing.”
Chuckling softly, Giles wrapped her in a hug. Buffy sighed contentedly, wrapping her own arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest.
”Buffy I love you. I would never, ever leave you for something so-“
”I love you too.”
He smiled at her whisper and kissed the top of her head.
”...silly as that?” Giles continued. “Darling, it was an accident. And I know you have every intention, as do I, of finding that demon and killing it before it can harm anyone.”
”I do. I really do. I just thought, that if I let the kiss go any further, I wouldn’t be able to stop and we’d get distracted. At least I know I would with wanting to make love to you all night and very likely well into the late morning hours and...”
”Really?”
”Oh yeah. And, by that time that thing could have killed a lot of people and you would think I was being selfish, but I am not. Not really, well maybe I am, I mean-“
Pulling her body closer to his, Giles kissed his slayer. Her words fell silent as she gave in and joined him in the passionate kiss. After a few moments, Giles pulled back.
”I could never leave you, Buffy. Not now, not after everything you have told me. And there is no way I would ever believe you would sacrifice innocent lives so you may enjoy a few hours of pleasure for yourself.”
”Really?”
”Really”
”So then...why did we just fight like that? And why did you give me the cold shoulder?”
”I didn’t! Lets not start this again, please dear?”
Laughing softly, Buffy kissed him before pulling away and looking at him, her expression serious.
”Then tell me why you seemed so hurt?”