Title: Five Things That Never Happened to Rupert Giles
Author: Shelley
Contact: shelchrisbarnard@earthlink.net
Pairing: G/E, G/Jenny, and G/Joyce. All implied, none explicit.
Rating: PG-13, for language
Spoilers: "The Dark Age," "Prophecy Girl," "Becoming, part II," "Band Candy," and "The Freshman"
Summary: Like the title says. Five drabbles, each of events that never occurred in Giles' life.
Disclaimer: If I owned Rupert Giles, I'd take much better care of him than Joss does. Unfortunately, I don't. Giles belongs to Mutant Enemy, as do all his friends and enemies.
Author's Notes: This is an answer to a challenge that I have seen floating around, to list five things that never happened to a character.

"You're going back to the Watchers? Christ, man! Why?"

"I, I, I have to. I can't keep doing this, Ethan. I can't keep doing magicks that kill my friends. And I Can't. Fucking. Stop."

"And you think the Watchers can help you?"

"I know they can. They'll help me stop. Or maybe they'll make me stop. But somehow, someway, I'll stop. A magical detox program, if you will."

Ethan looked thoughtful. "So, what you're looking for is something to help you control the craving for magic, and to channel your abilities."

"Yes!"

"Tell me, mate. Have you ever considered Chaos?"

~*~*~

"So Buffy's the Slayer. And you're her Watcher?"

"Yes."

"As long as we're being honest here, I should tell you that I'm not a simple high school teacher either." Giles gave her an encouraging look, and she continued. "I'm here to watch somebody too. I'm here to watch Angel."

"Angel? I don't understand."

"I'm a member of the gypsy clan that cursed him. We watch him. We make sure his curse remains intact."

"What do you mean? Are you saying that his curse—his soul—isn't completely secure?" Jenny nodded, and Rupert ran for his books. "We must research this."

~*~*~

"Bugger this, Angelus. The Watcher will never tell us what we want to know."

"Sure he will," Angelus responded silkily. "A few more burns, a couple more broken fingers, another cock or two up his arse? He'll talk."

"I'm telling ya, he won't," Spike insisted. "Just turn him, and get this over with. Wait a day for him to rise, and he'll tell you whatever you want to know."

"Hmmm, you might have a point."

"Course I do. Once he's a vampire, you'll have eternity to torture him, if you want."

"Spike, my boy, I like the way you think."

~*~*~

"How could this have happened?"

"You know just as well as I do! We were so high on that damned candy that neither of us thought to use protection."

"Yes, but, but, but a *baby*? I'm not up to caring for a baby. I have enough on my plate just Watching Buffy."

"And I don't?!?"

"I'm sorry, Joyce. I didn't mean that like it sounded. I just meant—"

Joyce's face softened. "I know what you meant."

Giles groaned in despair. "Christ, what are we going to tell Buffy?"

Joyce blanched. She had no idea what to say to Buffy.

~*~*~

"What the hell did you say to her, Will?"

"Wh- what do you mean?"

"Buffy went after a dozen vampires by herself, with a broken arm and no weapons. Said she didn't want to bother anybody! Since when is it a bother for the Scoobies to fight evil? And since when does Buffy go off to fight entire nests by herself? We're lucky that she's just in ICU. Sunday and her gang could've killed her!"

"Oz and I have been pretty busy, but I didn't think... We're bad friends! We're the worst!"

No, Giles thought silently. I'm a bad Watcher.

~*~*~

Not the end of things that could have happened to Giles, but definitely
THE END
of my drabble-writing ability.