Title: Love on the Rocks 3/3
Author: Opus, Bloom Co. Picayune ace reporter, aka Shelley
Flames: Bring `em on, baby.
Praise: Um, with all due respect, you've GOT to develop better taste in literature...
Disclaimer: Neil Diamond wrote the tune and lyrics to "Love on the Rocks", and he owns all rights to it. Mutant Enemy owns Giles, Buffy, and the rest of the Scooby gang. The idea for Giles' tragic propensity towards penguin lust came from Gileswench's excellent story, "A Word with You All," and I don't own that either. Lulubelle and Bluto are mine, however, and I am fiercely possessive of them.

Giles woke up the next morning to a pounding headache, which was exacerbated by the pounding on his door. His landlord, the arsehole who was so intolerant about his choice of fragrance, was standing at his doorstep. Judging by the blighter's demeanor, Giles assumed that he had caught his tenant's appearance on television, and had come to discuss the issue. The next fifteen minutes were rather unpleasant, and ultimately resulted in Giles' eviction. The pillock gave him an hour to clear out and refused to return his cleaning deposit. Giles told him that he wasn't giving up on his deposit, but his landlord laughed derisively.

Giles quickly gathered his books, clothes, frozen seafood, and bathroom items into two large bags and abandoned the rest. He still had some time left of his hour, but he had no desire to make engage in any further conversation with the officious berk.

Although he was anxious to get to the zoo, Giles made a detour to the real estate agent's office first. To his shock, the lazy cow who had found him his first apartment refused to help him. She claimed that the strong fishy odor hanging about the flat violated his lease. Moreover, she assured him that he would find it very difficult to let another flat with such a poor reference. If he had been any less hungover, he would have demanded to see her manager; as it was, he simply glared at the woman and stalked out of the office.

As Giles headed towards the zoo, his rage slowly melted away. He was going to see Lulubelle. A few hours in her balming presence and he would be back to his normal self. Once he got to the zoo, however, he received his third shock of the day, the worst one yet: he was denied entry.

Giles vaguely recalled Herr Schneider threatening to have his zoo membership revoked, but he hadn't thought that she would go this far. His picture was hung up by each of the gates with a harshly worded exhortation to the guards that he was not to be granted admittance to the zoo under any circumstances. Like a tyrannical queen from some fairy tale, the ancient ornithologist had locked up his love. Although he wasn't comfortable seeing himself as the prince in that analogy, there was no doubt that Lulubelle was his princess.

Giles wandered aimlessly around Regent's Park, eventually winding up in a secluded corner. It was badly overgrown, but Giles craved the solitude that the tall weeds seemed to be offering. Unfortunately, the solitude was illusory, for there was a homeless man sleeping under a bush. Giles thought about finding another spot, but decided that he was too tired to do so. The previous night's excesses with Ethan were catching up with him, and the fact that he had been carrying around the sum total of his worldly possessions all morning wasn't helping. Taking his cue from the homeless man, he turned his bags into pillows and laid down in the shade.

The first problem he needed to solve was Lulubelle. After his arrest yesterday morning, she was probably worried sick about him. Well, that was easy enough: if he couldn't get into the zoo by day, then he would obviously have to break in at night. He had kept all the fruits of a misspent youth, and was quite certain that the locks on the gates would pose little challenge for him. He wondered what that said about him, that he felt so little guilt about his decision to enter the zoo illegally from now on.

The other two problems were related. He had no place to sleep, and his funds were starting to run low. Another security deposit would be difficult to acquire, but his lack of references meant that a large deposit would almost certainly be requisite for another lease. He might be able to scrape enough cash together, but he would be forced to get a job or give up eating. Unfortunately, a full-time job would make it difficult for him to adopt the nocturnal lifestyle that he would need in order to break into the zoo every night.

He supposed he could crash with Ethan for a few days, but he hated to put himself any further into the sorcerer's debt. He already owed Ethan more than he could afford to repay for bailing him out of jail the day before. Now that had been a surprise, Ethan coming to his rescue with no obvious benefit to himself. His claim that he had helped Giles out of curiosity was highly suspect; after all, the police harassed people every day. That reporter may have painted him in the worst light possible, but his run-in with the law actually wasn't extraordinary enough to have genuinely piqued the sorcerer's interest. So why had he done it? Giles supposed that he would never know.

Thinking about Ethan tickled an old memory for Giles. The last time he had found himself without a place to stay, he had decided to live on the streets with Ethan so that they could save their money for narcotics and magic supplies. He wasn't into anything so unsavory these days, but he would like to be able to afford more books about waterfowl, and he always preferred to bring Lulubelle some fresh fish whenever he visited her. His money would be far better spent on those items than on rent.

The more Giles considered the issue, the more he liked the idea of remaining homeless. There was no real reason for him to go anywhere during the day, not when he had such a nice resting spot right now. He hoped that the anonymous man sleeping under the lilac bush wouldn't mind sharing the glade with him. Giles wasn't worried in any case; the other man was smaller than him and appeared to be unwell. Giles briefly wondered how his own health would withstand life on the streets before deciding that he wasn't worried about that either. Instead, he closed his eyes and dreamt of Lulubelle.

~*~*~

Love on the rocks
Ain't no surprise

Thus began a new rhythm to Giles' life. Life on the streets was difficult, but it was also liberating. Instead of fretting about Slayers and Watchers and Scoobies, he only needed to concern himself with his own welfare. (And Lulubelle's, of course. That went without saying.) He knew there were still demons and impending apocalypses, but they were no longer his problems. Finding a place to sleep every morning and eluding zoo personnel at night were the only dark clouds in his idyllic life, and those obstacles were easily overcome.

Just pour me a drink
And I'll tell you some lies

He slept from sunrise to late afternoon, and then counted the minutes until the zoo closed. This was always the most difficult part of his day, finding ways to occupy himself until he could see his love. Usually he wandered through the fish market, looking for treats that he might bring to Lulubelle, but sometimes he puttered about in used book stores. (He would have preferred to spend those free hours in the library, but that refuge was taken from him soon after that damning news story aired. Thanks to Cynthia Jones's insinuating report, the librarian had taken away his library card. The civil servant's outrageous innuendoes about penguin smut left Giles sputtering with incoherent rage and a strong resolve to keep the books that he had already checked out. Sometimes he felt guilty about those unreturned books—he was an ex-librarian, after all—but mostly he felt unjustly maligned by the petty bureaucrats that controlled the London library system. Bloody Puritans!)

Ain't got nothing to lose
So you just sing the blues
All the time

The last zookeepers were usually gone by 7:45, but Giles always made himself wait until 8:30 before jumping the gate, just to be safe. He wasn't the only homeless person who broke into the zoo at night, but his fellow transients were just looking for shelter and always left him alone. Every one of them knew to stay far away from the penguin pool; that was *his* domain, and he didn't welcome any spying eyes.

Gave you my heart
Gave you my soul

One good thing about his unorthodox entry: he no longer saw any reason to refrain from entering the penguin enclosure, since he was already breaking into the zoo illegally. This meant that he was now free to be with Lulubelle in every way. He was able to touch her beautiful face and run his hands down her oil-slick back. They made love on top of the rocks, and they cuddled together for much of the night in their old rendezvous spot. Giles talked and sang to Lulubelle for hours on end, and he delighted in the long stretches of comfortable silence that fell between them in the dark hours before dawn.

You left me alone here
With nothing to hold

As each day passed, time became more and more meaningless. Days and weeks bled into each other, inseparable and interchangeable. Giles only truly came alive at night, when he was with his love. If the days were indistinguishable, each night was unique and transcended the night that had preceded it. Lulubelle completed him, made him whole in a way that he had never been before. She made him into a better man, far superior to the person he had been before he met her. More than that, Lulubelle made him happy. Giles had believed himself happy when he first met her, but touching Lulubelle taught him the true meaning of contentment. As far as Giles was concerned, his life was as close to perfect as it could ever come.

Yesterday's gone
Now all I want is a smile

The only source of discontent for Lulubelle and Giles was their inability to have children. As other couples mated, Lulubelle began to fret over the fact that she could not produce an egg. This infertility also cut at Giles. He watched penguin fathers (who did *not* improve upon closer acquaintance) tend the eggs that were given into their care, and he was filled with longing. He didn't have a warm pouch over his feet in which he could tuck an egg (nor would an egg be safe there in any case, given his higher center of gravity), and he felt this lack keenly. More than that, the knowledge that he was genetically incompatible with his soul mate stung bitterly. He tried to tell himself that it was just as well, given his dislike of penguins as a whole, but deep down he knew that Lulubelle's children were certain to have her sweet nature and that he would love them dearly. Still, many couples were unable to conceive children and yet had long and loving partnerships. Giles had no doubt that his relationship with Lulubelle could survive their childlessness and any other obstacle that fate might throw their way.

You need what you need
You can say what you want
Not much you can do when the feeling is gone

Unfortunately, fate had two curveballs heading his way that Giles would not be able to escape: incipient pneumonia and Bluto's relentless desire for revenge.

Maybe blue skies above
It's cold when you're love's on the rocks

Giles loved the freedom that life on the streets afforded him, but it wasn't good for him. He was too blissful to notice, but his health was starting to deteriorate at an alarming speed. Part of the reason for this was his decision to sleep during the day, as this limited the number of shelters that were available to him. He was usually forced to sleep out in the open, or in abandoned buildings that offered little protection from the elements. Moreover, Giles was also losing weight because he was so focused on Lulubelle that he often forgot to eat. The lack of proper nutrition and adequate shelter weren't the primary reasons for his hacking cough and general malaise, however. The primary factor in his declining health was Giles' midnight swims with Lulubelle in near-freezing waters. He did realize that these ablutions were deleterious to his health, but Lulubelle enjoyed them immensely, and he refused to give them up.

First they say they want you
Believe how they really need you
Suddenly you find you're out there
Walking in a storm

Giles may have had some vague awareness that his health was slipping—though he refused to acknowledge the full extent of the problem—but he was completely oblivious to the threat posed by Bluto. If Giles thought about the large penguin at all, which was rare, it was with a certain amount of smugness. Despite Bluto's unusual size, he had been defeated easily and obviously posed no threat to the happy lovers. What Giles failed to realize was that the malevolent fowl was busily recruiting allies to help him in his battle against the human interloper ... and they were watching Giles' failing health quite closely.

And when they know they have you
Then they really have you
Nothing you can do or say
You've got to leave just get away
We all know the song

One night when Giles' was feeling particularly run down, the evil creatures made their move. Giles and Lulubelle had gone for a swim, as was their custom, and then made love upon their favorite boulder. Giles drifted into sleep soon after, only to be awoken by a small flock of penguins pecking at him. Under normal circumstances, the stalwart Watcher would be more than a match for a score of emperor penguins... but a month of privation, inadequate rest, and continual illness had all combined to take their toll. Added to Giles' general debility was his exhaustion from vigorous penguin sex. Bluto and his henchmen managed to back him into the pool and then worked together to keep his head under the water. Giles struggled valiantly, but he was weakened and greatly outnumbered. After several minutes of desperate fighting, he failed to come back up.

Love on the rocks
Ain't no big surprise

When the zookeepers found Giles' lifeless body the next morning, there was nothing among his possessions that would suggest who they should call. Eventually the police tracked down Ethan, using the paperwork that the sorcerer had filled out when he had bailed Giles out of jail the month before. Ethan grieved for his old friend, but mostly he celebrated the fact that Giles had found happiness at last before his death. What did that say about the man, that Giles had had to fall under a vengeance spell before he could find contentment? The ex-Watcher was a strange man, and Ethan would miss him dearly.

Just pour me a drink
And I'll tell you my lies

Ethan supposed that he should call the Slayer and tell her about her Watcher's death, but it was close to midnight in California. Unbeknownst to him, it was far too late to inform the Scoobies about Giles' death ... and not just because of the advanced hour. Tara and Buffy had been shot that afternoon (minutes after Giles' murder, in fact), and Willow was in the process of flaying their shooter even as Ethan was thinking about her. A chain of events had been set in place the moment that Tara died, and there was no longer anyone around to stop it.

Yesterday's gone
Now all that I want is just a smile

~*~*~

Epilogue

Willow was smiling, though no happiness showed in her dead black eyes. "Buffy ... I gotta tell ya ... I get it now. The Slayer thing really isn't about the violence. It's about the power."

The true Slayer was silent as she continued circling the witch. Despite her vigilance, Buffy wasn't swift enough to duck a bolt of magic when Willow finally made her move. The bolt threw the petite blonde over a desk and onto the floor, where she lay groaning and hanging onto consciousness with every bit of her willpower. Truth be told, Willow was happier that Buffy was still able to listen to her gloat. "And there's no one in the world with the power to stop me now." That thought finally gave Buffy the strength to stand, but Willow quickly knocked her down, thus proving her theory correct. There was no one to challenge her, and Willow liked that feeling very much.

As soon as Buffy was unconscious, Willow soaked up all the dark magicks in the Shop. After a moment's hesitation, Willow shrugged and drained the Slayer of her life force as well. Willow was surprised at how little guilt she felt about this. Once she was filled with as much power as her mortal frame could carry, Willow resolutely strode out of the shop.

Willow had intended to use her power to flay Jonathan and Andrew, but once she was loaded up, they just didn't seem worth the effort. Nothing seemed worth the effort. Nothing in life seemed to be worth living. Life was nothing but pain and agony; it was just too much. Aloud, Willow whispered, "Oh, you poor bastards! Your suffering has to end." With that, she teleported herself to the temple of Proserpexa, on Kingman's Bluff. Once there, Willow began chanting over and over again, "Proserpexa ... let the cleansing fires from the depths burn away the suffering souls and bring sweet death."

Willow's ritual was nearly complete when Xander suddenly appeared. He gave her a nonchalant smile and quipped, "Hey, black-eyed girl. Whatcha doin'?"

Willow was not in the mood to deal with her oldest friend. "Get out of here," she growled at him.

"Ah, no," Xander stubbornly disagreed. "You're not the only one with powers, you know. You may be a hopped-up uber-witch, but ... this carpenter can dry-wall you into the next century."

Willow considered telling Xander that she wasn't joking and that he had better get out of her way, but decided that she just didn't care enough to do so. She was too cut off from the world and human emotions to remember the love and friendship she had once felt for Xander. Casually, she threw lightning bolts at him until he stopped staggering to his feet. Willow idly wondered whether she had killed him, but she couldn't be bothered to bend down and find out.

Once she had dealt with the distraction that was Xander, Willow was free to concentrate upon ending her pain. On ending everyone's pain. She began draining the planet's life force, so she could funnel its energy through Proserpexa's effigy and burn the Earth to a cinder. It took about ten minutes, and she spent that time sending early deaths to Dawn and Anya. She was still considering the best method of getting to Giles, who was several thousand miles away, when Proserpexa's statue began to glow with a blinding ferocity.

At that moment, the world fell down and went boom.

The End

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