Title: One First, Two First, Bad First, Worst First 2/2
Author: Shelley
Flames: Bring `em on, baby.
Praise: Um, with all due respect, you've GOT to develop better taste
in literature...
Disclaimer: ME owns it all. No one at ME bears any resemblance to
any of the villains in this story. <wink, wink> You can trust me on
this. <nudge, nudge> Really. <know wot I mean, guv?>
Teenox abruptly stilled, as did everyone else. The only thing to disturb the quiet was the thump of Buffy falling to the floor when the leg she was leaning against fell into dust. Teenox broke the silence with a thunderous, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
"We took away your pet," Xander taunted.
"But he was so hot," Andrew whined. He looked startled when everyone looked at him. "What? Someone had to say it."
"Yes, he was hot," snarled Teenox. "He was also the only one of you that I liked. Do you have any idea how awful it has been watching you Scoobies over the years? I hate you all! The only way I could tolerate any of you was by manipulating you into making Spike the central figure in your lives. Spike made it all worthwhile; Spike was my reason for existing. AND NOW YOU HAVE TAKEN HIM AWAY FROM ME! You will pay for what you have done. Oh, how you will pay!" Three thunderbolts later, Dawn was picking the pockets of all the SITs (not an easy trick, considering the fact that she was now significantly taller than them); Anya was in a corner weeping pathetically over Xander's betrayal; and Xander was on a singles site on the internet, promising life-long commitments to seven different women.
It was Teenox's greatest triumph, but it was also the start of her downfall. As Xander had postulated earlier in the zeppo huddle, Teenox was over-extended. She was too new to her power to maintain all of these changes for an indefinite period of time ... even if it could be done. Yes, what she was doing was ultimately impossible. The WAY had never told Teenox that there was a limit to how far the view--, erm, the Powers That Be would permit her to manipulate their champions. It was possible to completely alter one personality, or to subtly alter the entire gang, but she had gone too far too fast, and the distortions could not hold.
Buffy was the first to begin shaking off Teenox's manipulations. She helped her Watcher up off the floor (yes, I left him on the floor for half-a-dozen paragraphs. I'm nearly as evil as Mar Teenox!), and demanded, "What do I do, Giles?"
"Ah, Buffy. Do you suppose we might have Jell-O for dinner tonight?"
Buffy growled in frustration. "Come on, Giles, snap out of it! I need you, and this ... isn't you! You're not old and never have been. I realize now that I was under the control of the First (or perhaps the second First) when I told you that you were. Now that we know what they've been doing these last seven years we can fight it!"
Giles' eyes were still unfocused, but it was clear that he was doing his best to battle the First's influence. It was difficult, for Teenox had been particularly vicious in her attacks against him and had been targeting him for longer than anyone else. But Giles fought because his Slayer asked him to, and because he would do anything for her.
"She seemed to gain in strength when she inherited the purple fog from the WAY. If you were to pour liquid into her box, to, to, *dilute* her essence, somehow, it might—" Giles faltered as Teenox directed the full force of her will upon him. When he resumed speaking, he sounded ancient and frail again. "Did I ever tell you about the time—"
As Giles started a long, pointless story, Buffy's heart broke for him. But he had been there when she needed him, and she knew what she needed to do now. She ran into the kitchen to fill a bucket with water.
"—must have been 1986, or was it '87? I know Maggie Thatch—" Buffy blocked out the sound of Giles' ramblings as she dumped a bucket of water and a full gallon of milk into Teenox's container.
The Teenox pretended to be unimpressed. "Ooh, I'm melting, I'm melting; what a world, what a world! Wait, I'm already melted, you stupid girl." Despite the First's bravado, however, it was clear that her power was waning. Willow's hair was turning back to red (though her eyes remained black) and Andrew stopped singing.
"Come on guys," Buffy cried. "Help me! Transport any liquids you can find, in any container you can find."
Willow and Andrew joined Buffy in the kitchen, and they ran back out with whatever liquids they could carry. The two women dumped their loads into Teenox's box, while Andrew spilled his on Anya's white blouse. (He later insisted that that had been an accident.) The effect was even more dramatic this time, with the three zeppos abruptly coming back to themselves and the potential Slayers all gaining ten years in age. (Though considering how awful thirteen-year-old girls are, the merits of that particular change might be considered debatable.) Sadly, there was no change in Giles' condition as Teenox continued to keep the greater part of her strength directed at him. "—now *that* was music, let me tell *you*—"
Soon, everyone but Giles was shuttling liquids into Teenox's container. In no time at all, they had filled her box to the very top, and she was starting to slosh onto the floor. With every drop of extraneous liquid, the SITs became older and Giles became less senile. When Giles' pants finally sat correctly on him, neither falling down to his crack nor pulled up to his nipples, Buffy guessed that he was finally able to answer her questions again. "We've weakened this bitch, Giles, but she isn't dead. So, how do I Slay her?"
Giles paused for a long moment before answering, and Buffy worried that the effects of the First's evil spell might be permanent, but it appeared that the Watcher was simply putting his thoughts in order. "If we were to dilute her essence sufficiently, I suspect that her consciousness would be too dispersed to retain awareness."
"In *English*, Giles."
"We need to sp- spread her even thinner. I'm guessing that if we do so, she will slip into um, a permanent dream. I suggest that we, erm, transport her to the bathroom and fl- flush her down the lavatory."
(Gail called for someone to "find a way to legitimately, colorfully and creatively kill them off...preferably with Giles or Buffy or both...doing the killing off." Yes, I know that flushing the villain down the loo qualifies as none of those things and is, in fact, just juvenile and stupid. I do apologize. Potty training is not going very well with my son, and I'm a little obsessed right now. [I know, that is way more information than anyone wanted...] I will try and do something legitimately creative the next time I decide to kill off a manifestation of Mutan-, erm, the First Evil.)
Buffy glared at the Englishman. "You want to take that hunking thing--*all* of that hunking thing—and flush it down the potty?!? Giles, you *know* my pipes are old, and that I have had plumbing problems before. If I was to flush all of that down my toilet—my *only* toilet, I might add—the plumber would freak."
"Buffy," Giles said with some asperity, "you have had almost forty people living here for months. If the plumbing has survived that kind of massive plotho--, er, abuse for an extended period of time, it should be able to withstand this. Besides," he added with a wry grin, "there is very little of your house left anyway. You might want to consider moving."
Buffy grumbled, but had to admit that her Watcher was correct. She soon gathered her forces together, and they began transporting Teenox to the toilet, one pitcher at a time. It took hours to Slay something in this manner and it gave everyone plenty of time to think about how the First had manipulated them and altered their personalities over the past seven years. As Buffy and her army worked, all of them vocalized crucial moments of self-realization.
"I almost let the Mayor eat all of Sunnydale just so I could save a dead man? And he returned the favor by almost killing me?!?"
"In seven years, I have never had a `cover job' that was in any way worthy of my talents."
"I am capable of a lot more than witchcraft."
"I alienated all of my friends for the sake of a government agency that never told me the truth about anything."
"I miss making money. The insurance money from the Magic Box isn't going to last forever."
"I am multi-lingual, and am an expert in tactics and the occult. I am, in fact, quite intelligent, and *not* a complete moron."
"I am not a jerk. I have always been loyal, if nothing else, and I can't believe I left Anya at the altar."
"Mom taught me better than to steal."
"Riley was willing to accept the fact that I was physically stronger than him, but only if I was a weak girly-girl emotionally. He resented the hell out of me for holding it together during my mother's illness."
"Since Faith's powers didn't pass to me, I will probably never be the Slayer. If I'm not a potential anymore, then I'm probably not actually all that special."
"I am an expert swordsman and a vicious street fighter. There has never been any real reason for me to get knocked unconscious within the first five minutes of every bloody fight in which I participate."
"Riley blamed *me* for *his* nasty vampire-whore habit, and I actually wanted him back?!?"
"There were plenty of signs that I was becoming addicted to magic, and I am intelligent enough to have recognized them."
"I hate staying at Buffy's house taking care of immature girls. I should find another job in retail."
"I had the right to be angry with my friends. Despite what Spike said, that did not make me a bad person."
"I am not *actually* a eunuch *or* a prude. In fact, I probably have more sexual experience than every other person in this room combined."
"Oz and Tara were both sweet, kind, and thoughtful. Kennedy is sort of a female Riley."
"I NEVER LOVED SPIKE."
"I used to organize the best orgies in London. David Bowie and Keith Woods both told me so, in fact."
"The only thing I see in Kennedy is the opportunity to get smoochies. I can do a lot better."
"I have always loved Giles. He is kind, thoughtful, and funny."
"I never wanted to leave Anya; I love her. I gotta say, I'm loving this flushing the First thing."
"Sixteen year olds don't have to be whiny and annoying. My sister was a hero at my age; the least I can do is stop irritating people."
"Furthermore, Giles is actually kind of handsome. Hey! I can have that thought without freaking out now!"
"And I never invited either of them to one of my Eyghon orgies. Now those were *something*..."
"Or perhaps I should get a loan and start my own business. I'm certain that I can make a lot of money that way."
"Actually, Giles is sexy as hell."
"I am not actually so desperate for sex that I will sleep with any woman that offers. I should look around for someone more like Tara."
"Maybe I should join the Marines. They have that `don't ask, don't tell' policy and I could continue killing things if I was in the military."
"God, I want to jump Giles' bones. I think part of me has *always* wanted to have my wicked way with him."
"I am tired of being pathetic. There is more to me than being Xander's cast-off, Spike's sex partner, or D'Hoffryn's prey."
"I can do a lot more for Buffy than simply repairing her windows. Unlike the Slayer, I actually *have* led an army before."
"What the hell was I doing wasting my time with dead guys and jerks when I had Giles around? Teenox and the WAY really *were* evil! I can't believe they were able to brainwash me so completely. I wish I could Slay them again."
"Eight years ago, women used to beg me to have sex with them, and now I'm a sodding monk?!? That is utterly absurd."
"To hell with Slaying. I want to get busy seducing Giles."
It was nearly dawn before the last of the First had been disposed of. Everyone was soaked and exhausted, but oddly at peace. It was comforting to know that they now owned their own thoughts, and that both Teenox and the WAY were gone forever. Rather than seeking out their beds, however, they broke into small groups to discuss the revelations that each had had over the past several hours.
Willow and Kennedy found a quiet corner. Both of them hemmed and hawed, each gesturing for the other to go first. After several false starts, the two lesbians spoke at the exact same moment: "I want to break up with you." Willow beamed at Kennedy and told her that she could finish the rest of that thought. Kennedy smiled sweetly and suggested that they could still be friends.
In another corner, Xander was holding hands with his ex-girlfriend. "Anya, I love you and I truly do want to marry you."
"Like I haven't heard that before, Harris." Despite the grumpy words, Anya had a loving and sentimental expression in her eyes.
"It was true then, and it's true now. The difference is that I now have enough free will to go through with it. Let's leave for Las Vegas right now; we can be husband and wife before midnight."
Anya's expression softened further, but she wasn't ready to cave in completely. "I changed a lot of things about myself for you, Xander, and I'm not going to do that anymore. Now that the First isn't able to control me, you can't count on me to be your doormat." Xander nodded encouragingly, so Anya continued. "I won't permit your friends to insult me any longer, and I intend to spend a lot more hours working and making money."
Xander smiled tenderly. "I can live with that, An. I just can't live without you."
"I can live without you, Xander," Anya responded moistly. "I just don't want to." With that, the ex-demon leaned over to kiss the dark-haired carpenter. They hadn't worked out all their problems, but both of them knew that they would. Now that they weren't being manipulated against their nature, true love actually *could* conquer all.
(Okay, who else is going into insulin shock here? Sorry about that, but I needed to tie up the loose ends, and what else would one expect from a self-acknowledged badfic anyway?)
Meanwhile, Buffy had cornered her Watcher in the kitchen. "For seven years, I thought that badness just happened to me. I realize now that I caused much of that badness myself, with choices that I didn't really want to make."
Giles stared at her intensely, but his still face gave away nothing of his own thoughts. "What do you mean, Buffy."
"I mean that I have done a lot of stupid things over a lot of stupid guys. The fact that I had to spend so much time convincing myself that I loved them should have clued me into the fact that I didn't. I have only loved one man in my whole entire life, and I was never able to see it before. I think that the WAY didn't want me to see it before."
Giles' emerald eyes (If you've ever read any of my other fics, I'm sure that you knew that was coming sometime. The phrase "emerald eyes" is just so much fun to say...) glowed passionately. "Tell me about this man you love, Buffy. Why would the WAY want to keep you apart?"
Buffy glided in closer to the Englishman, invading his personal space and overwhelming his senses. "This man is my partner and my equal. We are a perfect match for each other; he's strong where I am weak, and _vice-versa_. He admires my strength, and I'm not intimidated by his intelligence." Buffy moved closer still, until she was whispering in Giles' ear. "He is also unbelievably sexy, and I'm totally desperate for him to put his hands all over me."
"You think it's that easy," Giles demanded hoarsely. "We have a lot of history between us. We've each hurt the other more than once."
"Yes, but that wasn't the *true* us; that was a Buffy and a Giles that were under the WAY's control. Now we are talking about you and me, the pure, unadorned articles, completely free of the First's influence. And yes, I do think it's that easy. When soul mates find each other, it is always easy." When Giles didn't respond to that, she licked his ear and whispered again, "I'm willing to beg, if that's what it takes."
"You'd better not," Giles warned her. "The day that you make yourself less than you are for my sake is the day that I will walk out of your life, never to return."
"Gotcha. I'm not allowed to beg. How about I make *you* beg," she asked mischievously.
"You could try," Giles responded smugly.
"Oh yeah," Buffy demanded hotly. "How about if I were to—" Buffy began whispering furiously in Giles' ear, causing his grin to become broader and broader by the moment. She stepped back triumphantly, certain that Giles would take her right there on the kitchen counter. Instead, he leaned down and began whispering in her ear. The Slayer became flushed, and soon let out a startled "eek." Giles whispered some more, and Buffy let out an awed "jeepers." When Giles leaned down to whisper some more, Buffy held out for all of five seconds before she said, "that's it," and grabbed Giles in a fireman's hold. Using her Slayer strength, she carried her Watcher upstairs over her shoulder and proceeded to ravish him.
And the nicest part? No one was surprised at her actions. Now that all the Scoobies were freed of the First, none of them questioned the idea that Watcher and Slayer belonged together. Nor did anyone laugh at the idea that Giles was highly desirable; indeed, a few potential Slayers were kicking themselves that they didn't grab him first.
The only person who did not get a happy ending was whichever potential inherited Faith's powers (and no, I don't care enough to find out who that was). She was a little bitter about the fact that Buffy and Giles often stayed in bed for days at a time, leaving her with all of the patrolling. But since this potential, whoever she is, had been annoying the view-, er, the Powers that Be for months, I don't think anyone really cares about her dilemma.
THE END