Title: Something… Bigger
Author: Shelley   
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: G/E mentioned, nothing explicit
Summary: Diedre has just about had it with her flatmates.

Disclaimer: Buffy and Giles belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. The delusion that the two of them will have a disgustingly sappy future together sometime post-Chosen belongs to me.

Notes: This is a response to Gileswench’s Mini-Challenge #16: When and why did Giles get his ear pierced? The title is taken from a line of dialogue from “The Dark Age.”

This actually happened to me. During my sophomore year of college, I lived in a house with four other people (though only two of them slept together… to my knowledge). One night I was studying very late at the library, and came home to find a scene very much like the one I describe here. So, in memory of idiots, I dedicate this story to Charlie, Shannon, Paul and Hans (who may not be very much like Rupert Giles but is a good friend all the same).

Diedre Page smiled as she turned the key to her apartment. She wasn’t due back until tomorrow evening, but the visit with her parents had been so unpleasant that there had been way she could last out the weekend. And by coming back on a Saturday night, she might be able to join her friends in some fun. After three days in Shropshire, she definitely needed some fun. She thoroughly intended to dance until the sun came up, or until every club in London closed for the night.

On the other hand, there was every chance in the world that her boyfriend might blow up her plans. All it would take would be for her to catch Philip in bed with Ethan or Ripper, or perhaps both. She didn’t mind this when she was around to watch, but it was just plain cheating for him to have sex during her absence. Diedre almost hoped that she did catch the prat. There were few things she enjoyed more than a screaming fight followed by ferocious make-up sex. 

When Diedre came in, she found the living room and kitchen dark and empty. Male voices floated down the hallway, and she wasn’t surprised to find that the room she shared with Phillip was empty. Right. Ethan and Rip’s room it was, then.

Diedre slammed the door open, and immediately located Phil. Ripper and Ethan were both in there with her boyfriend, but so were some other friends, Thomas and Randall. All five men were dressed, but that didn’t mean that they had been behaving. Beer and whiskey bottles covered the floor, giving evidence to an impressive drinking bout. That wasn’t what caught Diedre’s eye, however: it was the blood. There was blood everywhere.

“What the bloody (and I do mean bloody) hell is going on here,” she demanded.

“Hullo, sweetheart,” Philip slurred out. “Ole Rip decided he wanted to have his ear pierced.”

“That doesn’t explain where all this blood came from,” Diedre said with poorly hidden concern.

Ethan smirked. “That’s my fault, I’m afraid.” The blond boy sounded relatively sober, something that Diedre doubted very much. Ethan always sounded sober; the only times Diedre could remember him sounding drunk was when he was plotting something. “I missed the first few times…”

“Are you telling me that *you* pierced Rip’s ear?” 

Ethan’s only response was a greasy smile, and an elaborate gesture towards Ripper. Diedre approached her rough friend, and saw nothing but blood at first. Although there was blood all over the room, it was clear that it had all originated from this one spot. A closer look revealed a thumbtack stuck through Ripper’s ear and firmly wedged in a piece of cardboard on the other side. If the tack hadn’t had a bright blue handle, she wouldn’t have been able to see it for the red viscous fluid.

Diedre stared in stupefied amazement. “You decided to have your ear pierced *here*? In your room?”

Ripper shrugged. “Here is where we were.”

The sole woman in the room took a deep breath. “I meant, why have Ethan do it? Why not go to a jewelers’ shop, for God’s sake?”

“That’s for poofters,” Ripper declared woozily. “Real men do it themselves!”

“What does that have to do with you, Rupert,” Ethan taunted lazily. “We all know that you’re a flaming queen.”

Diedre and the other boys braced themselves for an explosion, but it never came. Ripper positioned himself by Ethan’s ear and whispered loudly, “I never flame, and I’m very particular with whom I poof.” With that he gave Ethan a fierce kiss, one that reminded Diedre that she hadn’t had sex in a few days.

Although Diedre didn’t want to let go of her disapproval, her curiosity was killing her. “Um, Rip, doesn’t that… uh, hurt?”

“Like a sonofabitch,” he informed her proudly. “Why do you think I got so smashed?”

“Because you’re a lush,” she suggested mischievously.

“That too,” he agreed with a grin.

“Excuse me,” Randall broke in. “We prefer to be called drunkards!”

“Perhaps, but you lot deserve to be called morons,” Diedre answered tartly.

“Hey,” Philip interjected. “Save that sort of talk for me!” He stood up quickly, to underscore his point, but promptly fell forward. The other boys laughed, but Diedre sighed in disgust. 

Diedre helped her boyfriend off of the floor and draped his arm over her shoulder. “C’mon. Let’s get you to bed.” Before she left, however, she turned back towards Ethan and Ripper. Ignoring the other three boys, she stared intently at them. “Seriously, why do you two do this?”

“Because I thought Rupert would look charming in an earring,” Ethan averred. Ripper smacked him upside the head.

“No, I mean… this. You two are both intelligent. Why do you waste your time on drugs and booze and stupid shit like this?”

“I’m not going back to Oxford, if that’s what you’re asking,” Ripper growled, suddenly sounding much less intoxicated than he had a moment earlier.

“No,” Diedre agreed, “I don’t think you should. And that’s not what I meant anyway. I mean, why do you waste your time with such petty crap. Why not try your hand at something… bigger?”

“What do you suggest,” Ethan asked sarcastically.

“I don’t know. You two are the bloody sorcerers.” She picked up a book at random, and tossed it towards Ripper. “You think of something.”

Ripper examined the book with interest. “Etruscan Sleeping Spells, hmmm?” He grinned, and poked Ethan. “I think there just might be something in here that we can use. What do you say, mate?”

“Oh, absolutely Rupert. Absolutely.”

By the time Diedre and Philip staggered out the door, Ripper and Ethan were already engrossed in the book she had thrown at them. She felt a brief moment of pity for Thomas and Randall since they were now being ignored, but it passed quickly. They were big boys; they’d figure out soon enough that they should leave.

“Dee?”

“Hmmm?”

“Why did you give them that book? You know that they get way the hell too caught up in that magic shit as it is.

Diedre sighed. “Yeah, but it interests them, and I thought it might keep them out of trouble for a day or two.”

“I guess you’re right,” Philip said, “but I’m still not too sure about it.”

“Ah, give it a rest,” Diedre ordered him. “Tomorrow you’re helping them clean up all of that blood, so you’d best get some sleep now.”

“Why couldn’t you have had them learn a cleaning spell,” Philip asked piteously.

Diedre couldn’t stifle a chuckle. “Because I can’t imagine what sort of mischief those two could get into with a spell that powerful. No, far better to leave them with some harmless sleeping spells. It’s not like they can get into too much trouble with those, now can they?”  

THE END