Title: The Assistant 15/?
Author: Sweetdoggie
Email: (stirling_summer@yahoo.com)
Pairing: B/G
Rating: R
Summary: Merrick didn’t die. A/U
Spoilers: Up to mid-season 2
Disclaimer: No permission has been granted to use the characters. They are owned by their creator, Joss Whedon, Twentieth Century Fox, UPN, WB, and Mutant Enemy. This story is non-profit and is intended solely as entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: Pretty much A/U right from the start. I don’t know how many parts this will be but I’m not going to leave you hanging. The rating is me being ultra-conservative. 99% of all the sex takes place off scene. B/A fans—it never happened
Monday started like any other typical school day. Everyone got up dreading the rest of the week and the long haul until the next free day. Buffy had been particularly hard to get up and so was running late. Rupert threatened to leave her to walk to school if she didn’t get a move on.
“OK, sheesh, give me a minute, would you?” She grabbed her purse and slumped out to the car. Faith, Wes, and Merrick were already waiting for them in the back seat. Giles simply pointed at the passenger seat and she got in with only a huff in his direction. Before he had started the car, she was asleep again. He rolled his eyes. Anyone who could fall asleep on a Ferris wheel would certainly have no trouble sleeping in his old car.
Ten minutes later they pulled into the staff parking lot. Giles didn’t even try to wake his sleeping wife. He merely walked around to the passenger side of the car, opened the door and pulled her out. Buffy opened her eyes to see that she was already on her feet outside the school. She blinked a couple of times and got her bearings. The two students headed off to their first classes, while Giles, Merrick and Wesley ambled into the library.
There was a memo waiting for all teachers indicating that the annual fundraiser for the band would begin that morning. All students were to be encouraged to sell as much of the specially acquired chocolate as possible. Giles groaned. He knew Buffy and Faith would expect him to buy the retched stuff. He still had the previous year’s acquisition of boxed greeting cards copiously decorated with large-eyed fluffy animals on them somewhere around the house. He hadn’t been able to refuse Buffy then and he seriously doubted that his stamina in that regard had improved significantly.
Sure enough, Buffy, Willow, Xander, Oz, Cordelia, and Faith trooped into the library at noon looking disgusted and unhappy. They were each toting several boxes of the promised chocolate. The men groaned and reached for their wallets. They bought two boxes each so that between them they were the now proud owners of sixty bars of cheap, waxy candy.
“You know, this is so unfair!” Buffy complained. “The band needs new uniforms—it’s not like they can carry a tune anyhow.”
Oz nearly made an expression as he turned to her. “Those big furry hats are probably expensive.”
“Gah!” Cordelia barked. “Not only are they fashion challenged worse than you guys even, but they are the last bastion for the totally nerdy and life-deprived.”
“I wouldn’t mind selling this stuff if we could send the band away—anywhere.” Xander commented as he stuffed a candy bar into his mouth. He savored the flavor. “You know, these aren’t as bad as some we’ve hawked in the past. Must be a new supplier.”
Giles opened a bar and bit into it. “Hmmm. You’re right, Xander. Not bad at all.”
At Giles’ approval, the other two Watchers bit into their bars. “This is good.” Wesley said.
Merrick, not normally a candy eater sampled his treat. “Yes, they are quite tasty.”
By the time the children left to return to class, each man had eaten several more of the bars. Nobody noticed that they seemed happier and more carefree.
When classes were over that afternoon, Faith and Buffy entered the library. They were surprised to see that Giles had removed not only his coat, vest and tie, but also his shirt. He kept flexing his arm muscles and looking at himself in the reflective glass of his office door. He had acquired a pack of cigarettes from somewhere and had rolled them up in the sleeve of his Tee shirt. His hair was combed into funky spikes and he was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Merrick too had discarded his normal formal attire and was lounging in a library chair, feet on the table. Wes was strutting around fingering his necktie and was looking down his nose at the other two men.
The two girls exchanged looks. “Hey guys! What’s going on?” Buffy said as she walked to her husband. He put his arm around her and pinched her bottom! When she jumped he grinned down at her happily.
“You’re a sweet little bird, aren’t you?” He purred.
Buffy felt uncomfortable. Rupert liked to play, but only in the privacy of their own home. This was totally out of character for him. “What say we blow this place and head over to the Bronze? That would be like totally cool.” He said. She noticed his accent had coarsened considerably. He sounded a lot like Spike now.
He looked over at Merrick. “You comin’ then?”
“Nah! You go on, I’m gonna call up Joyce and see what’s up.” Merrick growled. He stood up and walked out of the library, practically strutting. He tucked a box of band candy under his arm.
Buffy knew something was up. Merrick was definitely not himself. She looked at the youngest Watcher, who was, at least, still properly dressed. “Wes, what’s going on here?”
The young man looked over at her. “I’m a Watcher.” He informed her solemnly.
She sighed and signaled to Faith. “Hey there Wes. What’s happening?” The dark Slayer asked him.
He took one look at her and blushed to the roots of his hair. “H, h, hello.” He seemed unable to say anything further. Both girls sighed and exchanged looks.
“You take yours,” Faith said indicating Giles. “I’ll take mine. Let’s meet at the Bronze. Maybe the others can help us figure out what’s going on.”
“Good plan.” Buffy said. Giles hand had slipped around her waist and was sliding down to cup her butt. He stuck his large hand in the back pocket of her jeans. “Oooo. I could get used to this.” He told her.
“Geez! Come on hormone boy! We have got to find Willow and the rest of the gang.” She pulled him along.
Giles kept stopping and kissing her. It would have been embarrassing, but nobody else was paying attention. She noticed that the other adults all seemed to be in the throes of a second childhood or something. “Let’s go back to the house and get high. I’ve got some primo weed.” He informed her.
She felt her mouth fall open in a combination of shock and outrage. “We are not getting high! And where did you get pot?”
He just giggled and tried to put his hand under her blouse. She put him in the passenger side of the car and watched him eat another couple of candy bars. Something clicked in her mind. The candy! There was something wrong with the candy. She got behind the wheel of the aging Citroen, clashed the gears once and peeled out of the parking lot, headed for the Bronze.
The place was a mad house of middle aged and elderly men and women running around behaving like crazed teens. The few actual teens still in the place were corralled into one corner, terrified by a group of aging business men with peace symbols painted onto their Tee shirts. Willow and Xander were there with Cordelia. Oz had tried to save his guitar from a Stones or maybe a stoned wanna-be. He barely made it back to the group.
Faith walked in dragging a reluctant and still blushing Wesley. She explained the scene in the library and they shook their heads in dismay. Just then, Xander spotted Buffy and Giles making their way across the floor towards them. Giles kept grabbing Buffy around the waist and rubbing himself against her. She rolled her eyes at the looks the others were giving them.
“Ah, Gods, I’m blind!” Xander moaned. “Please don’t let me see this.”
They grabbed a table and chairs and drug them away from the main floor. Buffy tried to explain her theory about the band candy, but Giles kept his hands busy. Finally, she decided that something had to be done and promising the others that she wouldn’t be gone too long, drug her husband off to the restrooms. When they came back twenty minutes later, Giles looked like the cat that ate the canary, but was marginally more manageable. Even Cordelia cringed at the thought of what must have happened.
“Something’s going on.” Buffy said. “We need to find out what. Have you noticed any vamps? Usually, this place is crawling with them.”
Everyone denied seeing any of the undead. “Somebody has got to know something.” Faith grumbled. The thought struck her at the same time as it did Buffy.
“Willie!” They said in harmony.
“That little weasel is bound to know what’s going on.” Buffy growled.
They got up and herded the rest of the group out of the nightclub. Buffy drove the two Watchers and her sister Slayer to the bar while Oz brought the others in his van. The streets were a jungle of irresponsible drivers, necking adults and youthful pranksters. Buffy’s skin attempted to crawl off her body when her fifty-year-old dentist mooned her from his BMW. “I am going to need so much therapy after this, it won’t be funny.” She told Faith.
The younger girl kept her head tucked down, not wanting to be warped by the sight of anymore middle-aged butts being waved in the air. She felt Wesley reach over and take her hand. “Y, y, your very pretty.” He whispered shyly. “W, w, would you like to go to a dance with me? I’m a Watcher, you know.”
She smiled at him. He was seriously sweet and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “Sure, I’d love to go with you to a dance. I know you’re a Watcher. I think that’s great. Right now, though, we need to concentrate on the bad guys, OK?”
“OK.” He murmured, placated.
They arrived at Willie’s to find it nearly deserted except for the rat-faced bartender. The ambiance of the place never failed to make an impression. Deciding to discard her shoes after leaving, Buffy headed over to the nasty little beast and grabbed him by the shirt. “What’s going on?”
The man gulped and tried to prevaricate. Buffy banged his head on the bar once and let him back up. “Do you want to try that again?”
“OK, OK. There’s a new sorcerer in town. One of the big powers imported him. He was paid to curse the candy so that a sacrifice to some demon could be made tonight.”
“What big power and what’s the demon?” Buffy demanded.
“Trick brought him in. The demon is called Laconis. And before you ask, I don’t have any idea about the sacrifice, just that it’s big enough that people needed to be diverted.”
Giles wandered in from the car right then and saw her roughing up the barkeep. “Hit ‘im again, love. I think he overcharged me for that pot.”
Willie watched her eyes practically glow with rage. “And you sold my husband drugs too! You little worm. I ought to kill you right now and do the world a huge favor.”
“Hey! How was I to know you didn’t want him to take a toke now and then? Geez, you’re strict. He doesn’t buy it very often. It’s practically medicinal.” Willie squirmed.
“I don’t care what disgusting things you do with your demon customers, but if I ever hear you’re peddling drugs to humans again you’ll wish I killed you. Do we have an understanding?”
His head nodded so fast he was dizzy. Of course that could have been the result of the head bashing, but he opted for the type of least damage, unable not to lie, even to himself.
Buffy collected her husband and headed back to the car. He slid his hand up the back of her shirt. Buffy rolled her eyes and pulled his hand off. “Rupert, I promise we’ll play when we get done, OK? But you have to stop that right now. What do you know about Laconis?”
He pursed his lips. “I’ll tell you if you give me a kiss.”
She leaned over and kissed him. “OK, spill.”
“Um, something about filth, I think. Lives in sewers or some such.” He pouted at the shortness of her love play.
“Good. That gives us a starting point. Let’s go find Merrick and get some weapons.” They got back into the car.
“All right then. Can I kill something?” He acted like a kid waiting for a treat.
“If you’re good, I’ll let you kill some monsters. But you have to be good until then.” She told him warningly.
He sulked till they got a wide assortment of weapons from the house. He grabbed his favorite broadsword and gave it a couple of practice swings. He was grinning when they returned to the vehicle.
Buffy told the others what Willie had revealed. Faith thought for a few minutes. “Why don’t we find the warehouse where the candy is coming from? It might be a start.”
“Good idea.” Buffy agreed and put the Citroen into gear. She ignored it’s constant backfiring and the cloud of black smoke that poured from the muffler. “We are so getting a new car after this.” She warned her husband. He ignored her and ate another candy bar. She narrowly missed being hit by an older woman who flipped her the bird as she went through the stop sign. Buffy ground her teeth and managed to get through the intersection safely. In the parking lot of the warehouse where the candy was being distributed, a large crowd had formed. A couple of vampires were tossing candy bars into the waiting mob, game faces on, but making no moves on the walking snacks milling around below them. Buffy and Giles took on the vamps while Faith and Wes practiced crowd control. Basically, they grabbed a couple of boxes of candy and threw them into the air. The mob lunged for the falling chocolate and, just as Buffy killed the last vampire, the door was cleared.
Buffy raced into the factory till she got to a makeshift office. She could see a tall, skinny man on the phone. He was telling somebody that the time was ripe for whatever business they wished to do. He turned and saw Buffy with Giles and the others following at a fast pace. “Ah, you might want to hurry with that part.” He told the unknown caller.
Buffy yanked the phone out of his hand and slammed him into the wall. He spun and took off running at top speed. She traced him by following his panting breaths and at last found him hidden behind a wall. She literally pulled his squirming body through the hole made by her fists. When Giles rounded the corner and saw whom she held he gasped.
“Ethan Rayne!”
Buffy, loosely holding the nearly unconscious man looked over at him. “You know this creep?”
Rupert nodded. “We were friends before, when I was Ripper. Kill him.”
Buffy turned back to the terrified man. “Seems like Giles doesn’t much care for you, buddy. I think you better tell me everything you know about this whole band candy caper.”
Ethan bleated out plans like a sheep. Rupert kept hopping around from side to side egging Buffy on to kill or at least seriously maim the skinny man. When she had wrung him dry of useful information she dropped him on the floor. She turned her back to him as she called Willow on the phone. He leaned up and grabbed a wrench off the table and drew it back over his head to crush her skull. Just as he was about to begin the downward swing he felt a broadsword press sharply into his throat.
“Drop it, you bastard.” Ripper growled.
Ethan dropped the wrench. Buffy, hanging up the phone turned to him and casually kicked him in the ribs. She ripped the phone out of the wall and trussed him up like a goose. She patted his cheek. “We’ll be back to play in a little while, Ethan. Don’t die till we get back, OK?” She knocked him sharply in the head and he fell back to the floor unconscious.
She grabbed Rupert, ran out of the factory and swept Faith and Wesley up on the way to the car. “He’s in the sewers. They’re going to sacrifice some babies to a big snake demon. We’ve got to hurry.”
They entered the sewers and made their way to the makeshift altar room. Four vampires were chanting some mystical crap over four newborns. Buffy decapitated the bloodsucker closest to her with one swing. The others sprang into action and the battle was on. Faith got one but had to protect Wesley who had been knocked out. Giles tried to get to Mr. Trick, but was distracted when a vampire pushed him into a pool of fetid water. He rolled out of the pool just as the head of a very large serpent roared out of a side tunnel. It grabbed the closest vampire and pulled it into its mouth in a couple of gulps, apparently not minding the shrieks the creature made on its way down its gullet. Giles attacked it with a sword but was tossed across the room and dazed when his head collided with the stone wall.
Buffy was in time to see a shadowy, but still familiar form slip up an access tube behind Mr. Trick. Good God! It was Mayor Wilkins. She shrugged. They could deal with that aspect when the battle was over. She dusted another vamp and Faith killed the remaining one. Mr. Trick, suddenly not liking the odds, dashed down another tunnel and disappeared. The giant snake made a lunge at Buffy but she pulled down a gas line, lit it from one of the ceremonial torches and fried its eyes right out of its head. It screamed and exploded, blowing steaming gobbets of demon bits all over them. Buffy swore as she wiped snake slime off her face. She limped over to the babies. They were all OK, but wailing like banshees.
The men were helped to their feet and each handed a baby to carry. Faith and Buffy took the other two and they marched back to the surface feeling that they had been successful once again. As they left the tunnels, Willow, Oz, Xander and Cordelia were waiting for them. They handed the babies over with instructions to return them to the hospital. Since the staff was still high on candy, it was unlikely that they would even notice.
A tired and filthy foursome crawled back into Giles car and drove home. They stumbled into the house. Buffy looked around. “Say! Where is Merrick? I haven’t seen him since this afternoon.”
Everybody shrugged and went off to their rooms to clean up. Giles was beaten up badly enough to have stopped feeling frisky for a few minutes. Buffy was relieved. She washed the snake out of her hair and then helped him to get cleaned up. After tucking her bruised but victorious husband into bed, she told him she’d be in as soon as she called her mother. He nodded tiredly.
“Mom? Are you OK? With all the strange stuff going on tonight, I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”
“Oh yeah. I’m fine, Buffy. John and I have been sitting here talking about old times. Oh, he says to let you know he’ll be home tomorrow. He doesn’t want to go out on the streets with everything so crazy.”
“OK. I love you mom. Say goodnight to Merrick for me, would you?” Buffy hung up the phone wondering. Something was definitely going on but she was way too tired to figure it out tonight.
Joyce hung up the phone and turned to the man wrapped only in a quilt lying on her bed. “Do you think she suspected anything?”
“Nah! They had a big night tonight and Rupert will keep her occupied. Why don’t you come over here and let me show you something?” He patted the bed seductively.
Joyce grinned and hopped on the bed. She hadn’t expected to have sex with John when he had shown up at her house that afternoon, but after polishing off an entire box of candy between them, it had seemed perfectly reasonable. He was a great lover. Apparently he hadn’t wasted his entire youth studying, unless the subject had been much more interesting than she had ever supposed. She felt young, carefree, as if her marriage and the birth of her daughter were a dream and she was simply waking up to find her youth restored. It was great.
They played together for hours. For a man with only one lung, she couldn’t complain about his stamina. He wore her out. They drifted off to sleep only an hour before dawn. She remembered thinking that this was one of the best nights of her life.