Title: Gifts
Author: Sweetdoggie (stirling_summer@yahoo.com)
Disclaimer: No permission has been granted to use the characters. They are owned by their creator, Joss Whedon, Twentieth Century Fox, UPN, WB, and Mutant Enemy. This story is non-profit and is intended solely as entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended.
She knew she wouldn't have her privacy much longer. Her family would come knocking on her door very shortly. They never understood her absolute need to be alone sometimes. Pulling herself out of bed, she slipped into a pair of jeans and a Tee-shirt and headed for the door. If she was very quiet, maybe she could get out of the house without one of them spotting her.
The hallway and stairs were navigated without difficulty and she listened carefully for voices before stepping into the living room. It sounded to her like they were all in the kitchen. She imagined that Giles would be preparing a tray full of food for her, despite the fact that she had already told him once today that she wasn't hungry. Slipping through the house like a ghost, she reached the front door and quietly closed it behind her. Buffy began walking. It would give her the privacy she needed to make the decisions that lay before her.
At first, she tried not to think. She simply let her mind run free. Her feet took her to the park with a pretty lake and a bridge that delighted her. She sat on a bench and watched the swans. They were pretty birds, graceful and stately. It had been quite a disappointment to find out they were mean and bad tempered. That was how life was, she realized. Things that looked beautiful often hid very nasty surprises. Like this baby thing. If she had it, she would be a mother. She would be ultimately responsible for bringing another life onto this planet. It was a terrifying thought.
When Giles finally left her, she would be raising a child on her own. Could she do that? She had no doubt that he would pay child support—he would probably want frequent visitation rights too. She'd have to see him all the time, loving him from a distance, but never having him again. The child would be a reminder. It would signal her everyday that she was a total screwup and couldn't do anything right. Or maybe Giles would take the child with him when he left? Yes, that was better. He could have the child and she could go away, somewhere dark and dank and sit there till she died. Too bad the basement of Sunnydale high was a distant memory. It would have been perfect.
Why hadn't she even thought about birth control? It had never once occurred to her that having unprotected sex would lead to pregnancy. Of course, she hadn't had to worry about that with her one time with Angel and those months with Spike, but that time with Parker and the year and a half she was with Riley, she had been super careful. So, it wasn't like she didn't know what caused babies to happen. It simply hadn't occurred to her that sex with Giles could lead to something so unplanned.
Her Watcher was such a careful man, that the more she thought about it, the more unlikely the idea that birth control hadn't occurred to him. She nodded slowly. Of course! This was something he was using to bind her more closely to him. He knew she was distant sometimes, knew that despite everything she told him, she had moments of extreme sadness. He would have thought it was because of the deaths in LA, never dreaming that she still felt pain from her removal from Heaven.
She had a choice to make. It was still early enough in the pregnancy that she could have an abortion. She wouldn't even have to tell anybody, except maybe Dr. Haviland. He would wonder why she wasn't getting any bigger. He could easily spill the beans to Giles. She knew her Watcher would never forgive her if she aborted his child. That would be the end of their relationship, once and for all. Could she live without him now? Even if the price was a baby she didn't want?
“I guess that's the question, isn't it?” she asked a fat duck that waddled close to her to look for bread crumbs.
She sat on the bench and watched the lake until the sun began to set. Sighing, she got up, stiff from her long period of inactivity and made her way back home.
The household was in an uproar. Giles was on the land line, calling everyone Buffy had ever met seeing if they knew where she was. Willow was trying to calm Dawn down, and Xander was phoning all the hospitals from his cell phone. They all looked up when she came into the house.
“Where have you been?” Giles demanded. “I went up to take you lunch hours ago only to find you gone! Buffy, I've been nearly out of my mind with worry.”
“Sorry. I needed some time by myself.” She walked into the kitchen to buy herself a few more minutes. It did no good. They followed her like the ducklings trailing their mother she had seen earlier.
Xander got in her face. “That was really inconsiderate, Buffy! I don't know what caused you to take off that way, but you owe us a better explanation than that! Giles was freaking and the rest of us were deeply worried. Your little sister was in tears.”
Buffy just nodded. “I said I was sorry. I wanted to be alone.”
“This was a bad thing, Buffy!” Willow joined in. “We were worried. You know you should have left a note or something.”
“Will you guys cut it out! I'm not in any mood for a lecture, OK? I am not a five year old child who wandered away from its parents. I am an adult who needed to think a few things over in privacy. And, by the way, Dawn is eighteen and she's old enough not to panic if I'm not there for five minutes.”
“Buffy if it had been five minutes, we wouldn't be this concerned, but you were gone for over six hours. You haven't been feeling well and you haven't had a bite of food all day. Of course we worried.” Giles was trying to calm his temper and his heartbeat. Buffy was acting very strangely.
“I'm going to go lay down. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.” She tried to get to the kitchen door, but Xander grabbed her arm. Before she could control the reflex, she had tossed him into a cabinet.
“Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Just...don't grab me, alright?” She walked out of the kitchen and upstairs. Instead of slipping into the room she shared with Giles, she went to the old bedroom that she had used before they got together. The bed was made and she simply lay down on it and closed her eyes.
Five minutes later she heard the door open. “We really need to talk, Buffy.”
“Giles, I'm not ready to talk about this.”
“Well, I am! What did Dr. Haviland say to you? Was it, was it bad news? Do you have some disease? We'll beat it together, Buffy.”
She wanted to scream with frustration. Why couldn't they ever listen to her? “No, I don't have a disease, Rupert.”
“Then what is it? Buffy, you're frightening me.”
She sighed and sat up. Burying her head in her hands, she told him. “He said I was pregnant.”
There was a moment's silence. “Why, that's wonderful news. Did you think I wouldn't be pleased?”
“Giles, at this point, I'm not really worried about how you feel about it. I'm still dealing with how I feel. I'm not sure I want a baby.”
He was silent for a long moment. “Why not?”
“I don't want to be responsible for a child. I don't want the heartache and pain. I'm not ready to be a mother. I may never be.”
“Nevertheless, you are pregnant.”
“I know. I just have to decide if that's something I can live with.”
“Would you, would you abort my child?”
“Please don't ask me that, Giles. It isn't a choice I want to make.”
“But you are ready to do so anyway, aren't you?”
“I'm thinking about it.”
“Buffy...I love you. You won't be raising this child alone. You have dear friends, you have your sister and you have me. The child will have round-the-clock protection all of its life. Anything that can be done to make this easier for you will be done, I promise. If you want a nanny to help you with the baby, then we shall have one. All I'm asking is that you please give it a chance.”
Buffy threw her arm over her eyes. “Can you just leave me alone? I need to think about this. I don't want to fight about it.”
“I'm fighting for my child's life, Buffy.”
“Why do you even want a baby?” she asked him.
“I want a child so that when you and I are gone, part of what we were will live on. I have never had an opportunity like this, love. I can't pass it by.”
She dropped her arm and looked into his eyes. He was such a good man, so kind, so loving, yet fierce and determined. He had given up so much in his life, most of it to be there for her. Even if she didn't believe he would stay with her, she knew he would never abandon his child.
“All right.”
“What do you mean?” He wanted her to be specific.
“I mean, I'll have the baby for you.”
“I want you to want it too, Buffy.”
“I suppose I will, eventually. I'm just so afraid.”
“I will be here. You won't be alone, I swear.”
“Yeah, well, the jury's still out on that one,” she mumbled. “I suppose you should go tell the guys.”
“Don't you want to tell them?”
“No, not really. They're going to want me to be all happy and cheerful and frankly, I'm just not up to that right now.”
“Will you at least go back to our bedroom? I want to hold you tonight.”
“Later, OK?”
“OK.” He put his hand on her hair. “I wish you could be happy about this, dear. It really is something wonderful.”
“I know,” her voice was as dead as her eyes. “Maybe tomorrow.”
He sighed and closed the door behind him on his way out of the room.
Xander met him at the foot of the stairs.
“So, what's the what, Giles?”
“Come into the living room. We all need to talk.”
Dawn and Xander took the couch while Willow and Giles each took one of the overstuffed armchairs. Giles rubbed his eyes tiredly.
“Did Buffy tell you what's bothering her?” Willow asked him.
“Yes. It turns out, that is, um...as you know for the last several months, Buffy and I have been together...” Giles started out a bit shakily.
“Yeah, and I haven't seen Buffy as happy for years as she's been with you...” Dawn told him.
“Th, thank you for your vote of confidence. As it happens, Buffy and I have been, um, somewhat lax about using protection...it turns out that, ah, she's pregnant.”
There was silence for a few moments as they assimilated his news. “That's fantastic, Giles! Congratulations!” Willow told him with a big grin.
Xander nodded and slapped him on the back. “Way to go, Giles!”
“I'm going to be an aunt?” Dawn said in disbelief.
Giles held up his hand to stop their commentary. “The thing is, you see, Buffy isn't terribly happy with this turn of events. She was seriously considering an abortion. She doesn't feel like she's ready or capable of being a mother. And she seems to have issues with the potential for me to leave her.”
“Wow,” Xander muttered. “We have to help her.”
Giles nodded. “I promised all our aid. She must never feel like she has to do this alone.”
“Why does Buffy think you'll leave her?” Willow wondered. “It's not like you're Angel or Riley. She knows you won't leave.”
“I left her before. I had the audacity to tell her it was for her own good. She no longer has the capacity to trust any man fully, I'm afraid. Buffy has been conditioned to believe that every good thing that happens to her must be repaid by suffering and pain.”
“But that's not true!” Willow said.
“It's true in Buffy's mind,” Giles countered, “and that is where the battle must be fought.”
“We'll have to show her how much we love her. Make her see that she's safe with us and so is the baby,” Xander said determinedly.
“Right. This baby is going to have total protection,” Willow told them. “I'm going to ask the Coven in Devon if they'll work up some protection spells, maybe some blessings and things. It can't hurt.”
“Good idea. I'll get some books on pregnancy and what we can expect,” Dawn replied. “We need to research this.”
Giles smiled. “These are all good plans, but I have the feeling we need to go easy on Buffy. If she wants to talk, we should be there to listen, but I don't think we should force the issue with her.”
They all nodded their agreement. “Buffy can be awfully stubborn,” Dawn said with a smirk. “How long to we have before the baby comes?”
Giles looked struck. “Why, I forgot to ask her. I suppose potentially, it could be as short a time as six months, assuming she got pregnant right away.”
“Wow. This is going to mean big changes for everybody. A baby! Do you want a boy or a girl?” Xander asked him.
“I don't know...I suppose, I don't care. I just want it to be healthy and I want Buffy to be happy.” Giles was starting to look slightly shell-shocked. “I'm going to be a father. I can hardly believe it.”
Dawn looked at him. “Giles, you've been a father for years. You raised Xander, Willow, and me. You were there when Oz, Cordelia, and Anya needed you. We couldn't have had a better dad.”
Giles was struck by her statement. “Thank you, Dawn. I'm glad to have been of some assistance. But the truth is, you were all fine young people in your own right before I came into your lives—with the possible exception of Dawn who was only ten.”
“You've been closer to me than my own father all my life, Giles.” Dawn said. “I mean, if you think about it, as the Key, I never even really saw Hank Summers. I have all these memories of him, but I never really knew him at all. I did know you, though. And I think you made a great dad.”
He put his hand on her hair and stroked it softly. “Thank you, Dawn. That means a great deal to me.”
She grinned, lightening the moment. “Well, think about that when baby names are being decided, OK?”