Title: Gifts
Author: Sweetdoggie (stirling_summer@yahoo.com)
Disclaimer: No permission has been granted to use the characters. They are owned by their creator, Joss Whedon, Twentieth Century Fox, UPN, WB, and Mutant Enemy. This story is non-profit and is intended solely as entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended.
The trip to California was tiring for her, though she broke it down into three separate steps so she could rest in between flights. She knew Giles was desperately worried about her and the baby. She understood that the others were angry with her. Dawn wasn't speaking to her. Ultimately, she knew that none of that mattered. They would get over it or they wouldn't. She didn't care. Healing was available in the desert for her and she meant to take it, even if her friends and family didn't understand her need.
She rented a car in LA, stopping to walk through the Hyperion Hotel that had been Angel's home for a while. It was empty and dead, not even his ghost remained here. She locked the door behind her and went on.
Her next stop was Hemery High. She looked at the new gym, built on the remnants of the one she had burned down. It looked different. She walked around the campus, empty since it was summer, and recalled her life here. Buffy realized that she wasn't this girl any longer. She had moved on from Hemery and the life she had once had. She had a tiny pang of nostalgia but realized it was meaningless. She smiled slightly and walked on.
After that, she drove past the home she had lived in with her parents. It had been sold years before, but still looked basically the same from the outside. It meant nothing to her. It was just another piece of real estate. That was good, she thought.
Her final stop in LA was to the place where she had buried her Watcher. It was a park with lots of flowers and trees. He would have liked it. She picked some of the flowers and laid them over his grave. “Oh, Merrick. I miss you so much. I've been having quite an adventure. You would have liked it. My new Watcher is Rupert Giles. We're in love. I'm having his baby. I guess that might surprise you.” She sat on the grass and leaned her back against a tree while she told his grave the story of the past eight years. When she stood again, she felt a sort of peace that she hadn't for a long time. She put her hand on the grave.
“Goodbye, John. I hope you're happy at last. I'm still working on it, but I feel like I have a real shot at it for the first time in years. I love you.”
She went back to her hotel room and slept until the next day. She got an early start and made it to the crater that had been Sunnydale before ten A.M., driving slowly around the giant hole, just remembering. She stopped the car when she was parallel with what would have been the cemetery where her mother's grave had been. Getting out, she removed a small bouquet of flowers. It contained all her mother's favorite choices. She sat on the edge of the crater for a long time, not talking now, but just feeling. When she finally stood, she tossed the flowers into the pit. “Goodbye Mommy. I'll see you again someday.” She walked back to her car without another glance.
Her final destination lay before her. The sacred spot in the desert where she had met her spirit guide. She didn't need Giles to transfer his guardianship now because she was fully an adult. Sipping some of the bottled water she had brought along, she walked in the sand taking much the same path she had when she was twenty.
She found the rock she had sat upon and plopped herself down to wait. It didn't take long for the Puma to come to her. She followed the big cat calmly, without fear or anxiety, though she knew now that this journey was a mental and spiritual trip only.
At last, she sat before the roaring bonfire that separated her from the image of the First Slayer.
“Your fear is great,” the spirit commented.
“Well, I've been taught by the best,” Buffy replied.
The spirit nodded. “Your lessons have been harsh.”
“Can you help me find my way?”
“Your path is bright and you see it for yourself. “
Buffy nodded. “I do see it, but I'm afraid to take it.”
“You must overcome the pain of the past so that your future will be the bright, hopeful thing you need it to be.”
“Yes.”
“You have made a good start. You need only to remember one thing.” It paused for a moment, then gave her a beautiful smile. “Life is your gift.”
Buffy woke from the trance and thought about what the spirit guide had told her. She smiled softly before standing up and walking to her car. Her path had been long and hard and she didn't doubt that there would be more tears in the future. That was the nature of life. But now, she knew deep inside herself, that life was for living. And that Joy was for taking and Love was waiting for her. “Want, Take, Have.,” she murmured the words that Faith had told her all those years ago. “You were right, Faith. But that's only half the equation. You needed to add the rest of it. Love, Give, Share.” She got in her car and drove back to LA. She had a plane to England to catch.
“I have a life now that I've built for myself with the love of my family and friends. Soon I'll have a child to include in that circle of love and joy. Because I know what my spirit guide said is true. Life is my Gift.”
End