Winter Of Discontent 1
Author: Gileswench
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com
Date: 10/4/01
Spoilers: AU from early S5 and end of S1
Summary: Buffy and Giles make up, Crystal finds some comfort, and life
continues.
Rating: NC17 overall. R for this part.
Pairing: Buffy/Giles, W/T, X/Anya, C/Wes, Joyce/Crystal
Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it now.
All others, ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I
just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my
twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.
Notes: This is the fourth series in The Hellmouth Chronicles. If you're
just joining us now, be sure to read the first three stories in the
saga: B&B Weekend, Love, Hellmouth Style, and Slayer Central. Otherwise
not one word of this will make any sense whatsoever.



It was some time before Wesley stood and began to remove dishes from
the table. A moment later, Tara went to clean the mess of food, drink,
and broken crockery that Buffy had launched at the wall. Xander went to
help her as Willow moved to leave the room.

"I wouldn't," Cordelia told her.

"Wouldn't what?"

"Go up there right now. I wouldn't do that."

The redhead flushed angrily.

"How do you know I was going to?"

"Oh please! Buffy's freaking and you want to do the best friend thing.
And hey, that's a good impulse, but Willow, you're not her best friend
anymore. Giles is."

"No he's not. God, Cordelia, you just can't ever stop being a bitch,
can you?"

Leo stood and turned on the girls.

"That's enough out of both of you. The best thing you two can do right
now is to help clean up here. If you can't work together, I suggest one
of you goes out and calms down somewhere else."

*****

It had taken some time, but Buffy had finally stopped crying outright.
She continued to sniffle, and her breathing was occasionally ragged as
she tried to calm down. Giles sat next to her on the bed, periodically
handing her a new handkerchief. Women in tears had never been his
forte. The sight always left Giles feeling a bit awkward and far too
large to be of any real help.

This time was further complicated by his anger.

"Are you ready to talk, Buffy?"

He was surprised at how harsh his tone was. He'd meant to speak softly,
at least at first.

"And now he wants to talk," Buffy exclaimed to the room in general with
a shaky laugh. "I tried and I tried, Rupert. I asked you about stuff in
your past and you never said anything. And I always thought Angel was
Cryptic Guy. He could actually take lessons from you."

"I have been trying to talk about this ever since we left the shop this
morning. You wouldn't talk to me, remember? I brought it up, and
you...put it down again without a word. Then you announce to the entire
household that...what you saw today. I don't think you have any concept
of how hurtful that was."

"You could have warned me a bit better."

"Buffy, I told you I'm bisexual."

"Yeah, the day before we got married. Why? Because Ethan had already
told me you'd slept with him. And you never said there were any other
guys. How many? How many men have you had sex with, Rupert? Do I get to
find this out on a case by case basis? 'Cause I'm not sure I can deal
with that."

Giles ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He stood and began
to pace the room.

"Shall I make a list of the women as well? Shall I send you an
affidavit from every dog I meet that I haven't been to bed with it?"

"Don't be like this, Rupert."

"Like what? Like a human being who's been hurt? Buffy, I know you've
been through a great deal lately. And...your present condition isn't
helping..."

"So it's hormonal? Is that what you think?"

"I didn't say that."

He knelt before Buffy and took her hands in his.

"Buffy, I love you. Truly, I do."

"Then why don't you tell me stuff about your past? Why won't you share
with me? You keep shutting me out, and then everything hits me on the
blindside and I can't prepare for it."

"This isn't some monster or prophecy, Buffy."

"No, it isn't. Doesn't mean I don't need to know it."

"What do you want of me? I have no intention of naming every person
I've slept with."

"So there are more guys on the list?"

Giles sighed and sat beside her.

"I will never cheat on you. You are the only person I love."

"But what if..."

She broke off to dab at her unruly eyes with the handkerchief she held.

"If what?"

Buffy shrugged.

"I can't be a guy."

"No, you can't. And I can't promise that I will never be attracted to a
man. I'm not particularly proud of that aspect of my...personality, but
it's there and I can't change it. I can, however, promise you that I
will remain faithful to you."

"But you miss it, right? You...sometimes you want..."

"And sometimes I want to fly airplanes, or to be able to dance like
Fred Astaire. Those will never happen, and neither will this."

She shook her head mournfully.

"This already has. Not since we got married, I know. But it did before.
More than once. So how do I know you don't still want to? How do I know
you aren't interested in Xander or Wesley or something?"

"Please, Buffy, will you trust me?"

"Not until you tell me the truth. Do you want to...with a guy still?"

He sat silently staring at his hands for a long time before answering.

"Sometimes."

He said it so quietly, Buffy almost didn't hear it. For the first time
since they'd entered the room, she allowed herself to look at him. A
moment later, he felt her small hand creep into his. He squeezed it
gratefully as she rested her head against his shoulder.

*****

Wesley found Crystal curled up on the sofa when he passed on his way to
the stairs.

"Crystal? Are you quite alright?"

The girl shook her head.

"No, I'm not."

He moved to her side and sat next to her.

"I'm afraid nobody has thought enough about how you must be feeling
tonight. I didn't really know your husband, but I am sorry to hear of
his death."

"Thanks," she sniffed. "It was a mistake to marry him, but I only
wanted a divorce. I never wanted this. And now..."

"Now you can't even move on as you would if you could divorce him."

"But it's selfish of me to be thinking about it that way, isn't it?"

"You feel the way you feel, Crystal. It isn't at all surprising that
frustration would play a large part in your emotions."

"Is it surprising that jealousy is a big deal too?"

"Jealousy? Of whom?"

"Buffy. Joyce. They lost Hank, too, but they aren't stuck because of
it. This doesn't change all that much for them. Even when Buffy was
throwing stuff and yelling tonight, all I could think was that she
still had a husband she loved and if things got bad enough, she could
leave him 'cause he's alive. Tell me that wasn't a sick thing to be
thinking."

Wesley hesitated for a moment, deep in thought.

"When my grandfather died, my mother - his daughter, mind - said she
was jealous of him."

"Why?"

"Because, where he was, his children couldn't disappoint him anymore.
If you're looking for an unhealthy reaction, I think that's a far
better example than yours."

He stood and held out a hand to help her up.

"Come on, then, you need to eat something. It's not healthy for your
baby to skip meals."

"Wesley?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks. You're pretty okay, you know that?"

"It's nice of you to say so."

*****

"Rupert?"

"Yes, luv?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that earlier. I wish I could take it
back."

"It's okay, Buffy," he sighed.

"No, it's not. It's not like it's anyone's business but ours."

"What's done is done. You can't undo it."

"I know. I'm still sorry."

Giles kissed the crown of her head lightly.

"So am I. I really ought to have answered your questions a very long
time ago."

"So why didn't you?"

"Embarrassment, mostly, I suppose. Shame, guilt, a wish to protect you,
and quite a lot more fear than I'd like to admit."

"Fear? Why fear?"

"Because I'm not sure I could bear it if I lost you."

Buffy wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled closer.

"I'm not going anywhere, mushy guy. You're stuck with me. Just next
time..."

"Next time?"

"Would you just answer my questions?"

Giles leaned down and kissed her gently.

"Let's get you some dinner, Buffy. You must be famished."

"Starving. But I don't really want to go down there."

"I'll sneak something up the back stairs, then. Can't have you gnawing
on my leg in the night, can we?"

"Hey, it's not like you don't enjoy it when I nibble you."

Giles smiled at her.

"Depends on what you're nibbling. I'll be right back."

Buffy stood and pulled Giles in for a long kiss. When it ended, he drew
her up into his arms for a long minute. At last, he returned her feet
to the floor and went downstairs.

*****

Spike walked down the street looking for trouble. He usually didn't
have to go so far to find it. He was bored with the lack of action in
town.

"Maybe it's time to relocate," he said to no one in particular. "Bloody
town's no fun anymore. Can't even bum fags off the Watcher now."

He pulled one of his precious cigarettes from the package and lit it.
As he blew the smoke out of his still lungs and into the chill night
air, he caught sight of something that made him angry.

Puker.

Puker sodding Abrams.

"That's my bleeding coat! I stole it fair and square. What's that
sodding poofter doing wearing it?"


:: NEXT :: | :: CHRONICLES INDEX :: | :: AUTHORS PAGE ::