Winter Of Discontent 5
Author: Gileswench
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I
just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my
twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.



Buffy snuggled closer to Giles' broad chest. She giggled as the silky
yet wiry hairs tickled her nose. He stroked her tousled hair and
dropped a tender kiss on the crown of her head.


"Feeling better?" he asked her.


"For now. I know that didn't solve anything, but it was a nice way of
putting it on hold for a little while. Is that okay?"


"Okay?"


"That I needed to bail on reality for an hour or so."


"I think with everything you've been through of late, it's well
deserved, at any rate."


"I know, I know, I have to deal. So, what's first on the agenda?"


"Why don't you tell me?"


"Okay," Buffy agreed. She took a deep breath and thought for a moment.
"About your...y'know...the whole bi thing...did you have lots of
relationships with guys?"


"A few. Not that many, really. Two serious affairs, perhaps three brief
flings and, at one point in my life, far too many one night stands."


"That's more people than I've slept with in my whole life."


"I know. But I was raised in a different time, Buffy. And, as crudely
sexist as this sounds, I am a man. The standards still tend to be a bit
different. Besides, I've had nearly thirty years to sleep with more
people than you have."


"Point taken. Okay, so that's the boys. Do I even want to know how many
women?"


"You might be surprised."


"Just give it to me straight...and could I have put that any worse?"


Giles chuckled and pulled her tighter. After a moment, he released her
and spoke quietly.


"I slept with more or less anyone who was willing in my Ripper days.
That means there were quite a few girls at that point in my life. Once
I returned to the Council, I stuck entirely to men. I've loved two
women in my life. You are the second. You are also the only person,
male or female I have ever asked to spend a lifetime with me."


Tears welled up in Buffy's eyes.


"Y - you mean...? Oh God, and I got her killed. How can you love me
when I did that to you?"


Giles pulled her close as she sobbed against his chest. He rubbed her
back soothingly and dropped kisses on her golden head.


"Shhh...don't cry, darling. It wasn't your fault."


"Yes it is. I never meant for her to die, Rupert. I never meant for
anybody to get hurt at all."


"Don't you think I know that? Buffy, you were in love. You were
terribly young and you'd been betrayed. And Jenny...she withheld
information that might have prevented the entire mess. I don't know i
f it would have done, but it might. And yet, I loved her. Just as you
loved Angel despite everything Angelus did."


"And if I'd been able to just check my hormones at the door, maybe you
could've lived happily ever after with her."


"No, Buffy, I couldn't have."


"But you just said..."


"I said I loved her. That's true. And Jenny loved me. She...she told me
that day."


"So happily ever after, right?"


"Wrong. Buffy, I had to put you first in my life. How long do you think
a strongwilled woman like Jenny would have stood for that?"


"I don't get it. She knew about the Slaying. She accepted it. She was
cool with it."


"And when you weren't looking, we'd already had a couple rows over it.
In the end, I'd have had to choose between you, and there was no
choice. And Jenny was not a woman to accept second place. Neither are
you."


"You did choose between us. You did choose me, but it made you
miserable."


"I choose you now, and it brings me great joy; the greatest I've ever
known."


Again, Buffy's eyes welled up with tears.


"I really, really don't deserve you, Rupert."


"It's not a matter of deserving. It's love. And if it comes to that,
what makes you think I deserve you?"


"You don't. You deserve so much better."


"Don't you understand yet, Buffy? To me there is no one better."


He leaned down and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. She opened
herself to him willingly, her hands moving to rake through his hair. A
moan rose in her throat that would not be held back.


Then there came a frantic knock at the door.


"Buffy? Giles? Who's killing who in there?"


The pair pulled apart and grabbed their robes. Giles had barely pulled
his closed when Buffy hurled the door open to confront Xander.


"What the hell do you think you're doing here?"


"Come on, Buff. You guys were on the verge of fisticuffs when you left
the table and now I'm hearing noises of pain from the room below mine.
It's not hard to tell what's going on."


Buffy crossed her arms across her chest.


"Yeah? Well you tell me what's going on, then."


"Look, I know it's a blow finding out Giles is gay, but Buffy, leave
the poor guy alive, will you?"


"Xander," Giles said evenly, "I'm right here and I'm perfectly fine.
And I'm not gay, either."


"And believe me, anything strange you heard down here was him proving
that in a big way," Buffy added. "And why are you dressed at this hour?
Does nobody in this house sleep?"


Xander's eyes darted from one to the other. His brow furrowed in
confusion.


"So all that stuff about Giles...doing it...with guys was what? some
sort of massively unfunny joke?"


"What it is, Xander," Giles said sharply, "it is none of your concern."
His tone softened slightly, but remained one of his voices that those
who knew what was best for them took seriously. "We're both fine.
Nothing untoward is happening in here, and we are both very tired. We
should like to get some sleep. I suggest you do the same."


"Okay. Sorry. Didn't meant to disturb you doing..." Xander waved his
hands vaguely "what you were doing. Whatever it was...which is
something I don't wanna know about. Goodnight. I'm gone."


With that, their Midnight visitor was out the door. Buffy sat
dejectedly on the edge of the bed.


"One more crappy thing I've done to you. I'm sorry, Rupert. I was just
so angry and so confused and so...I'm not even sure what."


"Threatened, maybe? Overwhelmed?"


"Keep going and you may yet find every single emotion I went through
today."


Giles sat down beside Buffy and took her hand.


"I owe you an apology."


"What for?"


"This. I should never have married you until after we'd discussed this
matter more thoroughly. I might have known that once you understood,
you'd accept me as I am."


"But I don't."


"Buffy...?"


Giles pulled his hand back and ran it through his hair.


"I don't understand, Rupert. I'm not sure I ever really will. Maybe
it's something you don't really get unless you've felt that way. I
haven't. And it still confuses me that you do. I mean, I don't know
what the rules are with this. I don't know who you like that way. And I
really don't get how you could do it with Ethan Rayne."


Giles stood and moved to lean against the dresser, his hands in the
pockets of his robe.


"Do you - do you wish me to go, Buffy?"


"No. I want you to come back to bed. It's late, and I can't sleep
without you. I don't understand, Rupert, but I do accept it now. Well
, more than I did this morning, anyway. I'm not saying I'll never freak
about this again, but I'm done for now. All I really know is that I
love you. If this is part of who you are, well, then, I can deal. It's
like all the scars; pretty wigsome, but not something that's gonna make
me walk. Please, come back to bed, Rupert."


She held out her hand to him. He stood, uncertain, for a few seconds,
then took her hand and returned to the bed. They shed their robes even
as they gazed into one another's eyes. When they slid between the
sheets, they immediately embraced. Buffy cradled Giles' head against
her bosom and stroked his hair the way he had so often held her in
comfort.


"I'll deal, Rupert. 'Cause you and me, we come first to each other.
You'll always come first to me."


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