Winter Of Discontent 11
Author: Gileswench
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I
just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my
twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.

She could disturb herself enough anyway.

More soap would make everything better. Now if she could just use some
on her brain. Maybe that would make the image of Xander's butt go away.

Willow hunkered down lower in the bubbles. She caught the eye of the
rubber ducky. It looked oddly sympathetic. In the next moment, there
was a soapy splat against the opposite wall as the duck slid down it,
leaving a trail of bubbles in its wake.

"I don't deserve ducky sympathy."

The girl blinked back her tears unsuccessfully.

"What have I done?"

*****

Cordelia blinked as she slowly emerged from sleep. She felt warm, safe,
and deliciously sated. She felt a naked, male body with her in the bed.

A moment later, she felt a wave of panic and sat up suddenly.

"Ohmigod! What have I done? What did you do? What are you doing here,
Wesley?"

His heart clenched as he sat up and tried to cover his nakedness even
as Cordelia grabbed most of the bedding from his grasp.

"Cordelia...I...we..."

"We did, didn't we? I can't believe I did that. This is a nightmare."

With as much dignity as he could muster, Wesley put on his glasses. He
then retrieved his discarded boxers from the floor and pulled them on
silently. Cordelia continued to look as though she was on the verge of
hyperventilation. She looked on numbly as Wesley put on his pants and
shrugged his shirt over his shoulders.

"You're just leaving?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"I thought that was what you wanted," Wesley shot back looking glumly
at the floor.

"Right. What I want. Why wouldn't I want that?"

Cordelia blinked hard and pulled the blankets a bit tighter.

"Have you quite finished?"

"Finished what?"

"Convincing yourself."

"Of what?"

Wesley turned to face her. His eyes were hard behind his glasses, and
his shirt was still unbuttoned. Cordelia felt herself shrink back
involuntarily.

"Anything. Anything at all. Not three hours ago, you brought me to your
bed and begged me to make love to you. Now you tell me it's a
nightmare. I can't take much more of this, Cordelia. Every time I get
close to you, you push me away. Every time I feel I have happiness in
my grasp, you slip through my fingers. When the hell are you going to
make up your mind?"

He turned and walked to the door. As he stood with his hand on the
knob, he tried one more time.

"I love you, Cordelia, but I won't be used this way much longer. Make
me yours or let me go, but make a decision."

As soon as the door closed behind him, Cordelia allowed herself to cry.

"That wasn't what I meant," she whispered to herself.

*****

"God we're a mess," Buffy giggled as she tried unsuccessfully to smooth
her hair. "Y'know, you really ought to put in a shower or something
back here."

"And what makes you think we'd ever leave here then?" Giles chuckled.

"We'd have to sometime. Unless you put in a kitchen and a really
comfortable bed."

"If we had a bed, we could simply order take out food."

Buffy turned and began to button Giles' shirt for him.

"What? We'd never have your rather interesting moussaka again? In that
case, it might be worth it."

"I worked hard on that variation, I'll have you know," Giles huffed.

He stopped huffing a moment later when Buffy paused in her efforts to
dress him and fastened her lips onto his nipple instead.

"I thought you said we needed to get home," he reminded her, even as he
held her head to his chest.

"We do. Later." She swiped her tongue across the now hard bud. "Much
later."

"Well when you make up your mind, just let me know," he breathed, "and
I'll let the coroner know where to come for the body when I have my
stroke."

"Ha ha, very funny. Just try telling me you don't love this."

"I wouldn't dream of lying to you, luv."

He bent to kiss her hard, his tongue sweeping the warmth of her mouth.
Buffy reached up to clutch his shoulders as he laid them down on the
exercise mats.

*****

Xander rolled to his back, pulling Anya with him so he could pillow her
head on his chest. He continued to stroke her hair. She smiled up at
him.

"This is a good night," she told him.

"Yeah, one of the better ones, I'd have to say," Xander agreed.

"Xander?"

"Yeah, An?"

"Would you like me to pretend I'm Buffy sometime?"

Xander sat up, startled.

"What?"

"Oh, I know you aren't going to scorn me, but you think she's
attractive and would be nice to have sex with."

"An, I don't want to have sex with Buffy."

"But you find her attractive."

"Anya, I'm in love with you."

"But you had me dress up as Wonder Woman that one time..."

"This is just a little different, An. See...Wonder Woman doesn't exist;
she's a fantasy. Buffy...she does exist."

Anya frowned as she puzzled through the idea.

"So...if the person is real, it's not okay to fantasize about them, but
you can if they're made up?"

"Yeah. That's about it."

"So that means Katie Couric is made up?"

"No...but..."

"But you made me pretend to be her one time."

"But...but...it's not the same thing."

"Why? Why is it not the same?"

"Because I never met Katie Couric."

"So it's alright to fantasize about strangers, but not people you know?
Why?"

"Look...An...Buffy is my friend. A good friend. And the Katie Couric
thing...could we just not talk about it? It was sort of an experiment."

"So it wouldn't be okay to ask you to pretend to be Giles?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I think he's attractive, you think he's attractive. Why not?"

"Because he's our friend and your boss and I don't want you thinking
about him that way."

"You mean you don't want to think about him that way."

"Yes - I mean no - I mean...I don't know what I mean. Look, Anya, I
don't want you to be anybody but you, okay? And I don't want to be
anybody but me. I just want us to be us from now on."

"Okay."

The pair snuggled down again and kissed lightly.

"But I spent a lot of money on that Wonder Woman costume. What do I do
with it now?"

"Save it up for next Halloween, honey."

*****

Wesley was surprised to hear a timid knock on his door. He wiped his
eyes as best he could and went to answer it.

"Hi. Can I uh..."

Cordelia gestured vaguely into the room. Wesley stood aside without a
word. She walked in without meeting his eye.

"Look, Wesley, I know what I sounded like down there, but that wasn't
what I meant at all. Really. Being with you again...it was really
great. I wanted it and you wanted it and it was pretty wow. I mean,
you're good at it and I like it with you. I just...it's...I don't know
how to say this."

"Why don't you start by taking a deep breath," Wesley suggested, not
unkindly. "If you didn't mean you regretted making love with me, what
did you mean?"

In lieu of a verbal answer, Cordelia held out the container for her
birth control pills.

"I sorta stopped taking them right after we...whatever it is we're
doing that isn't being together but isn't really split up either.
Wesley, what are we going to do?"


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