Series: The Hellmouth Chronicles
Title: Winter of Discontent 18/?
Author: Gileswench
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com
Date: 7/16/02
Spoilers: AU from early S5 of Buffy and end of S1 of Angel
Summary: A spell gone awry causes consternation.
Rating: PG for male maternal silliness, slight angst.
Pairing: Buffy/Giles, C/Wes, W/T, X/A, Joyce/Crystal
Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it now. All others, ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.

"Anything yet?" Buffy asked again.

"Not yet," Willow told her sheepishly. "I don't get it. This was supposed to only hit Wesley and it was only supposed to last about two hours. So he'd understand."

"Understand what, exactly?"

"What it's like. To be pregnant. So he wouldn't make Cordy do it."

Buffy rubbed her belly protectively and retreated to her husband's side. Tara looked anxiously after her friend.

"Maybe you shouldn't have said it like that, sweetie," she suggested to Willow. "I think you hurt her feelings."

"I didn't mean to," Willow said. "I guess I didn't think..."

"And I thought I was the tactless one," Cordelia muttered as she turned another page in the book she was consulting.

"I have tact," Willow bristled. "I'm overflowing with tact. I'm a tact fountain."

"Which is why your best friend is across the room with her pregnant husband looking like she's gonna cry any minute."

"This is all your fault, y'know. You're the one who wanted to do the spell."

"And you're the one who screwed it up," Cordelia retorted. "I'm not magic girl. I only asked for one seriously maternal man, and you gave me three. That's a bargain I so didn't need."

"Will you both just stop it and figure out how to fix this?" Buffy gritted out. "I can decide who to slay later. Right now, I just want the guys back to normal."

Cordelia arched an eyebrow.

"Hormonal much?"

"Cordelia," Leo scolded, "back to research. I'll want a word with both of you girls later."

Willow and Cordelia both swallowed hard. Neither had ever heard Leo this angry. It was as if Santa Claus had suddenly developed fangs and foot-long claws. Even Giles paled - though it may have had more to do with the strange feeling of being kicked in the kidneys from the inside. Buffy rubbed his distended belly and kissed his temple.

"You okay, Rupert?" she asked anxiously for the fifteenth time.

"Oddly enough, yes," he assured her. "Mind you, it's not terribly comfortable, but...well...now I'll know what you're feeling when you get to this stage. I'll know what to do to help you cope. It could be a great deal worse."

"That's my glass half full guy," she teased.

Crystal came out of the kitchen and headed for the door.

"Xander's eaten all the soda crackers and says he needs more. Oh, and we're out of ginger ale, too," she announced.

"Also Xander?" Cordelia asked.

"Actually, that was Wesley. He's not complaining as much, but I don't think he feels too good."

Giles shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. Buffy rubbed his lower back. He gave her a grateful smile.

"You can't go out alone, Crystal," Buffy said. "It's almost dark. Why don't you wait a few minutes and take Angel with you?"

"I'll go," Willow said as she closed her book with a thump. "Xander's not exactly suffer in silence guy and I know what he likes when he's sick."

"Not to mention what he's like," Cordelia added under her breath.

"Be careful, guys," Buffy fussed. "Stick to lights and people as much as you can. And don't stay out too long. And don't talk to strangers."

"We know the drill, Buff," Willow reminded her. "Plus we have stakes and crosses and stuff. We'll be fine."

The girls headed out the door. Buffy looked at the amused expressions around the room.

"I just channeled my mom, didn't I? With the whole safety first routine."

"I believe you demonstrated your own maternal instincts, luv," Giles smiled.

"Maternal instincts? I have maternal instincts?"

"Good ones," Tara assured her. "If a little on the hyper-active side."

*****

"Can I please die now?" Xander mumbled into the kitchen table.

"Not quite yet," Joyce told him. "You haven't learned about the joy of late night breastfeeding and diaper changing. Trust me, you don't want to miss that."

Xander lifted his head and glared at Joyce.

"You're loving this way too much."

"Not really. Now if it was Buffy's father..." she trailed off, her face suddenly drawn. "I still can't believe he's dead."

"Joyce," Wesley began, "are you..."

"I'm fine," she assured them. "It's just...it doesn't seem possible. I'm sorry. You both have enough to deal with without my problems."

"Hey, we're all on overload, Joyce," Xander said. "One more problem isn't going to make us head for the rubber room. Hell, I think I could use a break from my problems to talk about yours."

"While I don't know much about your marriage," Wesley said, "I do know that there is a bond forged between two people who have had a child that nothing can break. Of course his death affects you."

"It's not as if we'd talked much in the last few years. And the last year we were married we never talked at less than a hundred and twenty decibels. And still, I never thought I'd lose him completely."

Xander looked thoughtful for a moment.

"It's weird. I only just realized: Buffy's down one dad. How is she coping with it?"

"She'll be fine, Xander," Wesley said firmly. "She's strong and she has people to lean on."

"When was the last time you saw Buffy lean on anyone?" Xander asked.

Nobody could answer that one.

*****

Buffy and Giles lay on their bed, both staring at his belly.

"So how does it feel?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Strange," Giles said. "Incredible. I suppose I ought to be bemoaning the pain in my back and the fact that I can't see my feet, but...it's amazing. It's life."

"And we see way too much death to take that for granted, huh?"

"Something like that, I suppose. Of course I shall expect nothing like this level of stoicism when you reach this stage."

"Not really the suffer in silence type, am I?"

"Only when the suffering is great."

Buffy snuggled closer.

"Sometimes there aren't words."

"Sometimes there aren't."

"I'm not sure anybody else gets that. I'm kinda sorry you do."

"Sorry? Why should you be sorry?"

"I just hate to think of you hurting like that. It's no fun."

"No, it isn't. But it can be survived."

"Yeah. We're survivors, you and me."

Giles took Buffy's face in his hands and kissed her gently.

"We'll survive together," he said.

The held one another closer. After a moment, Buffy spoke.

"So...I wonder what it's like making love with a pregnant man."

*****

Cordelia shut the tome before her with a thump.

"Nothing. Nada. The answers are not in here. I give up."

Leo closed his volume more gently, but with a similar air of finality.

"I'm afraid you're right. We've searched all day without result, and there are only so many references to spells of this nature. I think we're tapped out."

Cordelia blew out a frustrated breath.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, y'know."

"No, you just meant it to happen to young Wesley."

"I wish you'd stop calling him that. It makes me feel like a little kid."

"Nineteen is a kid, Cordelia - at least from my vantage point."

"I'm almost twenty."

"And you're changing the subject. Why in heaven's name did you want to knock Wesley up?"

"It's part of the test."

"Don't you think you're going a little overboard with your tests?"

"Hey, it was his idea to set tasks for him. And he's the one who's so hot to trot on the baby thing. I just want him to really understand."

"So you can talk him out of it? Is that what you want? Cordelia, I don't understand why you're so obsessed with this issue. It's not as if you need to decide now whether to have children. You've got years ahead of you."

"I have my reasons, okay? Can we just leave it at that? And when we figure out how to fix this stupid spell, I'll tell Wesley about my reasons. Not you, not anybody else. This is between me and Wesley."

"Then I think you'd better tell me again everything you can about this spell Willow performed for you. So far I can't find any reason for the...effect it's had on Rupert and Xander. Or its longevity. Was there anything either of you did that could have caused this variation?"

"I told you, Willow did everything by the book. I was there and watching the whole time. She mixed the herbs, lit the candles, did the chant, sprinkled the herbs on the picture...um...do you think it might have been the picture?"

"What about the picture?"

"The only photo I had of Wesley was one Buffy's mom took the day we moved in here. It's of all the guys. You, Wesley, Xander, Giles, Angel, Spike, and....uh oh."

"Uh oh? What's uh oh?"

"Gunn. Our friend from LA. He was here. He was in the picture. Do you think...?"

"He might be in the family way?" Leo handed Cordelia the phone. "I think you'd better give him a call."

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