Title: Big Bad By The Bay 8/10
Author: Gileswench
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue. Oh, and I don't own The Simpsons, Indigo girls, or San Francisco either, but I promise to put them right back where I found them.

Buffy, Giles, Cordelia, Kate, and Lorne waited in the alley behind the bathhouse. Giles double checked his bundles of herbs and reread the words of the ritual as they waited. Buffy, Cordelia, and Kate did a few practice swings with their weapons while Lorne warmed up his voice with a few sotto practice trills.

A tense air hung over the little band. Not for the first time, Buffy found herself wishing Xander would happen along with an inappropriate quip, or that Willow would suddenly poof onto the scene with her special brand of rambling optimism. It wasn't that she didn't trust anyone in the group. She just preferred to stick with a team she could predict a bit better.

She felt a pair of eyes on the back of her head, and turned to smile at Giles. Nothing was said, but both returned to their tasks with a renewed sense of purpose.

If the Apocalypse happened and she hadn't gotten into that man's pants, Buffy was going to have a few things to say to the PTB.

All at once, the door swung open and Angel beckoned them in.

"Hurry up. It's cold in this towel."

"Did you have to get that much into character?" Cordelia whimpered.

"They wouldn't let me stay unless I got undressed. Come on. Two guys have already hit on me."

"I'm not surprised, Angel-cakes."

"Don't pull your gay act on me, Lorne. You've been outed, straight guy."

The group filed past the vampire and into the bathhouse.

They came to a halt in the hallway, and Buffy turned to her troops.

"Okay, Giles, you set up here by the door. Kate, you cover him. Remember, if anything happens to Giles, we can't find the staff and all hell breaks loose - literally. Cordy, you're with me. Angel, Lorne, now's the time for that diversion we talked about. Let's do this, people."

With a final glance at Giles, who was already scattering herbs and chanting in Latin, Buffy led Cordelia to the corridor.

"So who's up for a Judy Garland sing along?" Lorne called into the crowd of towel-clad, and less-clad, men.

A stony silence ensued.

"What? Oh, I get it! You boys prefer Barbra Streisand, am I right?"

The men began to advance threateningly.

"Marilyn Monroe?"

Buffy and Cordelia darted away as quickly as they could.

When the first man had almost reached Lorne, he pulled a vicious looking dagger out and sliced the air menacingly a few times.

"Nice knife, buddy, but I *really* don't want to know where you were keeping it."

Lorne backed away slowly, hands in the air.

"You dare to desecrate the hall of Lord Dohnohtus, subcreature?" the man hissed as he raised the knife higher.

Lorne took a deep breath and let loose with a perfect high C that rang through the bathhouse and broke a window across the room. The man stopped, startled by the sudden noise. It was just enough for Angel to pull him back by the throat and force the knife from his hand. Lorne quickly retrieved the weapon.

"Wow. Talk about sweet acoustics! Y'know, if we get through this thing alive, maybe I'll open a second branch of Caritas here."

"Lorne! The knife!"

"Oh, sorry, Angel-cakes."

He handed the blade to the vampire who held it to the attackers' throat. The crowd, which had been advancing, stopped in their tracks. Furtive glances were traded. At last, one man moved to rescue his leader.

Angel let his demon face slide to the fore.

"I really don't think that's a good idea," he informed them casually. "Now, does someone want to take me to the ring of power, or do I have a snack?"

*****

Giles felt the power surge through his veins as the spell reached its climax. The familiar rush of magic filled him, exciting his senses, connecting him with Buffy despite the physical distance between them.  As the locator spell showed him the hiding place of the staff, the mind binding spell shared the information with Buffy. At the other end of the corridor, the Slayer gasped and came close to losing her balance.

Cordelia grabbed Buffy by the shoulders.

"Hey! No passing out. Not until we save the world."

"It's okay, Cordy. I'm alright. I know where the staff is now. This way."

She turned to the right and headed up a flight of stairs.

"And Mr. Giles, I had no idea you had such a dirty mind," she muttered

to herself.

*****

Angel's captive led him along the corridor until they reached a panel.

"It's behind there," he gritted out. "And may Lord Dohnohtus strike you dead for your impudence."

"Too late," Angel replied. "I'm already dead. Open it."

The vampire kept the knife at his hostage's back as he pressed several seemingly random spots on the panel. When he was done, it slid back to reveal a small room, barely big enough for two humans to stand on either side of a dais. On the dais lay a velvet pillow, and on the pillow, a large pink ring with multi-colored flecks on it. Sure enough, it resembled nothing so much as a glazed donut with sprinkles.

Lorne reached in and grabbed the ring. As he pulled back, Angel pushed his hostage into the tiny room and slid the door shut behind him.

"We really don't need him following us," he explained.

"You're so right. That Lord Dohnohtus act was getting pretty stale."

The two headed back toward the door and Giles' magic circle.

*****

The crowd of near naked - and naked - men closed in on Kate.

"Of all the times not to have a gun," she muttered under her breath.

For some reason Buffy and Giles had insisted that she carry a long pike which she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle in battle. She knew it was because of some magical thing, but what it was didn't much matter to her. She was unfamiliar with her weapon, and Giles was in some sort of trance, so he wouldn't be able to help her if the crowd decided to attack.

Make that when.

Out of the corner of her eye, Kate saw one man make his move. She snapped around and hit him square in the midsection with the pike. As he fell to the floor, another man moved from another angle. Kate reacted with a fierce jab at his leg.

Soon Kate was twirling as quickly as she could to keep up with the attacks from all sides. One managed to grab her arm. Without thought, she bent over and bit his hand, kicking out viciously behind herself at the one who tried to make a break into Giles' circle.

"God, Buffy, hurry," she breathed as she shoved the staff at another five men. "I don't know how long I can keep this up."

*****

"This is it? They keep the sacred donut smashing stick in the utility closet?"

Buffy shrugged.

"Either that or Giles is even kinkier than I thought."

"I so didn't need to hear that," Cordelia shuddered.

"Can I help it if I hear everything that goes through his head with this spell?"

"Can he hear everything you're thinking, too?"

"Yup. And it's official: we're a bad influence on each other."

Buffy tried the doorknob. she was surprised when it opened immediately.

"They don't even lock the door? God, they're as bad as Giles!"

A moment later, a shocked expression flitted across her face.

"What?"

"You don't want to know, Cordy. Suffice to say, I didn't know Giles knew those words. Potty mouth."

Reaching into the closet, Buffy found the staff immediately and pulled it out.

"Okay. We're set. Let's get back, and hope Angel found the donut thingie in time."

The girls turned to head back, when Buffy swayed dangerously.

"Giles," she whispered.

She fell.

*****

Kate could no longer keep up her defense. She threw herself on top of Giles to protect him from the hail of fists and feet that rained down on him. He'd been knocked unconsious, which meant Buffy was at best disoriented, but more likely passed out somewhere herself.

There was no way of knowing whether she'd found the staff in time. Nor did she have any way of knowing whether Angel and Lorne had been succesful in their mission. She prayed that she would see Lorne again before the end.

*****

"This way!"

Angel ducked down a passage that seemed less filled with angry men in an alarming state of undress and pulled Lorne after himself. They made their way through dark tunnels that twisted through the bowels of the building.

"We'll never get back, will we?"

"Don't give up on me now, Lorne. We're almost there."

"How can you tell? We've been so many directions my topsey's all turvey."

"Let me put it this way: you can follow me and trust that I'll get you where you're going, or you can go see if those guys behind us are up for some show tunes yet."

"I'm with you, Angel-cakes."

"And would you stop calling me that? It's annoying."

The two ran on for some yards when Angel stopped suddenly.

"I knew it!" Lorne told him. "You're just as lost as I am. Admit it."

A broad smile spread across Angel's face.

"We're not lost. Look."

He pointed at the ceiling.

"Trapdoor. Leads to the hallway a few feet from where Giles is."

"How do you know that? Vampire senses?"

"No. Blueprints. I've been studying them since we figured out this was the place. Give me a leg up."

"What?"

"Come on. I'm gonna climb on top of you and let myself through. Then I'll pull you up."

"You want me to get down on my hands and knees here? The cleaning lady hasn't been here in decades and this is a custom suit."

"Look, it's the suit or your life. Which will it be?"

The demon hesitated.

"Don't make me tell Kate you chose that tacky outfit over living with her. She'll resurrect you just to kill you."

"Okay, okay. But when all this is over, you owe me another suit."

NEXT